Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / I had it all… but I was NOT happy 😓

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I had it all… but I was NOT happy 😓 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apogae Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is.
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  Speaker 2: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest,
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  Speaker 2: and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
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  Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
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  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to another episode of She Rises.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Today we're talking about having it all but being fucking
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  Speaker 1: miserable in the process. Just to put it lightly, just
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  Speaker 1: to put it bluntly, I think you guys are gonna
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  Speaker 1: really enjoy the different insights we have on this because
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  Speaker 1: we both have been at a point where like, holy shit,
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  Speaker 1: We've got everything ever wanted. Yeah, why am I so
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: fucking sad? But before we do, watch your share of
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: the week.
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  Speaker 2: My Share of the Week is actually a quote. It
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  Speaker 2: is a person's true priorities are revealed by what they
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  Speaker 2: abandoned first in chaos.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Oh isn't that true?
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  Speaker 2: Carl Jung? Wow, just a really cool perspective of like, okay, cool,
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  Speaker 2: what's the thing that you abandoned in chaos? What's the
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  Speaker 2: first thing that goes and do you actually prioritize it
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  Speaker 2: in the way that you say that you do, and
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  Speaker 2: if not, how can you improve to make sure that
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  Speaker 2: in chaos that thing you don't give it up?
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  Speaker 1: The mean meditation goes out the window and I'm busy,
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  Speaker 1: but my exercise never Yeah, isn't that true? Everyone will
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  Speaker 1: be listening going, oh, I don't eat as well, or
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: that's a really cool.
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  Speaker 2: Quote my week.
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  Speaker 1: Mine's a shameless plug, but it's our hideaway lip balms.
• 1:33
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• 1:35
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  Speaker 1: They sell out so fast, and for good reason. They're
• 1:47
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• 1:47
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• 1:52
  Speaker 1: I love the fairy floss, Quberry Bang and strawberge Alato.
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  Speaker 1: They're just beautiful and so hydrating. I feel like a
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  Speaker 1: lot of lip balms you apply, but then you have
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: to reapply all the time.
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  Speaker 2: You don't.
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  Speaker 1: They just feel so hydrated and beautiful. My favorite look
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: is the Mecha lipliner in Shade Classy that lipliner and
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  Speaker 1: then smudge it in with the lip um. It's just
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  Speaker 1: natural and pretty Okay, do you want to start?
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  Speaker 2: There's almost this expectation when you are perceived to have
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  Speaker 2: quotations all of the things that you're not allowed to
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: be sad, unhappy, depressed, not happy with your circumstances, or
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: like you're not even allowed to have a bad day. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: And there's this pressure almost because it's like the way
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: that people are perceiving you is like oh but you know,
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: they might look at you and go, oh wow, but
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  Speaker 2: she's got all the things, but then inside you're having
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  Speaker 2: a completely different experience. And I think it's really important
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  Speaker 2: to talk about because sometimes you do, on paper have
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: all of the things, but when you're emotionally inside, not happy,
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: not fulfilled, not filled up by your life and not
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: actually fulfilled because you're not maybe doing the things that
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: you want to do, or maybe you just feel like
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  Speaker 2: this sense of loneliness inside and you're just like, what
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: is actually happening? Yeah?
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I so agree, and I can totally relate because there
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  Speaker 1: was a point in my life where I literally had
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  Speaker 1: it all. I feel like I've got it all now.
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  Speaker 1: But this was on the peak of my career. I
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  Speaker 1: had the waterfront mansion, a beautiful, healthy baby, supportive husband.
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  Speaker 1: I had friends. I had more money. I didn't even
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  Speaker 1: know what to do with it. I could literally shout
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  Speaker 1: my friends trips around the world, buy them everything. I had,
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  Speaker 1: the nice car, I was buying, designer everything. I literally
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  Speaker 1: had everything that tick tick tick I thought I wanted.
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  Speaker 1: Yet I would go to bed at night and just
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  Speaker 1: feel really miserable. And I remember not even sharing this
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  Speaker 1: because then I had so much guilt. I'm like, would
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  Speaker 1: battle with myself, Well, you've got everything you wanted. How
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  Speaker 1: can you can't be sad? Everyone else wants what you have.
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  Speaker 1: You have all these fans that love you. You've got
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  Speaker 1: literally everything you'd ever wanted. And it was so hard
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  Speaker 1: to navigate. But what I learned through that is money
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  Speaker 1: does not buy happiness. We think it does. We think
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  Speaker 1: when we get money, and trust me, I've had all
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  Speaker 1: the money in the world that I could ever dream
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  Speaker 1: of and more. It does not make you happy. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: it takes away stress, Yes it gives you freedom. Yes
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  Speaker 1: you can be very generous and do cool shit. But
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: true happiness comes from having a passion, purpose, deep connection,
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  Speaker 1: aligned dreams, taking care of yourself. That's not something money
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  Speaker 1: can buy. Yes, money can make it easy, but trust me,
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  Speaker 1: it does not make you truly happy. Such a big
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  Speaker 1: thing to talk about.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, money is a resource and it gives you freedom
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  Speaker 2: and opportunity. It might create happiness temporarily, and it might
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: be like, oh, I can buy myself this thing, Cole.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: I'm happy in the moment, but the underlying feeling of
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: am I happy within myself as a human? Am I
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  Speaker 2: happy within my life? Am I happy within my relationships?
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  Speaker 2: That is like a deeper level of happiness that can
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  Speaker 2: only be fulfilled by you looking at those things and
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  Speaker 2: not the temporary fun things that we kind of slap
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  Speaker 2: on top.
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  Speaker 1: You know, it's very easy for someone in an audience.
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  Speaker 1: I see on social media all the time, and I
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  Speaker 1: saw a video a few years ago when I was
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  Speaker 1: going through something hard. It was a little gossip page
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  Speaker 1: that made this video, and it was a video of
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  Speaker 1: me saying I feel really depressed. Then they put music
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  Speaker 1: on the background and they showed my car, and they
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: showed my house, and they showed me shopping, and they
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  Speaker 1: showed all these clips of me doing really fun stuff,
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  Speaker 1: as in like paying me out, saying how can she
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  Speaker 1: be depressed? Because she's got all of this that we
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: all want. But little did they know that I was
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: going through a really hard time my relationship. Little did
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: they know that I was struggling with the online world.
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  Speaker 1: Little did they know that I was exhausted. Little did
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  Speaker 1: they know that I was going through stuff with my
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  Speaker 1: child and unpacking that with a coach and really feeling
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: quite low day to day. Little did they know I
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: was struggling with my hormones. Like what you see visually
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  Speaker 1: on someone's life, you don't actually know what's going on
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  Speaker 1: behind closed doors. And then when you put that expectation
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  Speaker 1: on yourself, like oh, I should be happy and I
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  Speaker 1: shouldn't be sad and I can't be sad because I've
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  Speaker 1: got XYZ, you kind of just bury how you're actually feeling,
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  Speaker 1: and that just builds and builds and builds until one
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  Speaker 1: day it explodes and you have a massive breakdown, like
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  Speaker 1: I'm not fucking happy. Yeah. Actually, the first step is
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: to just really feel and honor exactly how you're feeling,
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  Speaker 1: regardless of all the shiny shit that you have, because
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  Speaker 1: it doesn't matter that's the first thing I do is
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  Speaker 1: just fully fully feel it. I love that.
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  Speaker 2: That's so beautiful. You really do need to hay. And
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  Speaker 2: I think in my own experience when I went through
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: something similar, I was financial trading at the time. So
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: I like bounced and jumped from like temp job to
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: temp job because I was like this young, like driven
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  Speaker 2: little girl who wanted this big dream life and you know,
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  Speaker 2: wanted to create financial success for herself and live the
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: dream life and all the stuff. And I remember being like, Okay,
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  Speaker 2: I've got to find my passion and I've got to
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  Speaker 2: find my drive, and I've got to find the thing
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  Speaker 2: that's going to fulfill me in a career, right, And
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  Speaker 2: so I bounced from all these different temp jobs and
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  Speaker 2: then I landed myself into investing and trading financially. And yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I remember investing this money. I was working like a
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  Speaker 2: temp job at the time. I was doing traffic control
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  Speaker 2: of all jobs at the time, and I was like
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  Speaker 2: making pretty good money. So I was working seven days
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  Speaker 2: a week for like a good year, and I lived
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  Speaker 2: off two hundred and fifty dollars a week and I
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  Speaker 2: invested the rest and I was making anyway up to
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  Speaker 2: like twenty two hundred per week and I was living
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  Speaker 2: off two fifty and I invested the rest of it,
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  Speaker 2: and then I remember making like quite a significant amount
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  Speaker 2: of money within like the investing space. It was all
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  Speaker 2: good and well, and I was like, oh cool, Like financially,
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  Speaker 2: I feel free, and I'm like quite young, so I
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: was like, holy shit, I've got all this money that
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  Speaker 2: I can play with. But I just remember feeling so
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  Speaker 2: lonely because I was so isolated. At the time. I
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  Speaker 2: was working a full time job where I was working
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  Speaker 2: seven days a week. I was also really protective of
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  Speaker 2: myself of new people because of the sex tape and
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: fearing that people had, you know, seen it and watched it.
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  Speaker 2: When they would meet me, that'd be like have they
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  Speaker 2: seen it? Have they watched it? Do they know about
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  Speaker 2: it already? Or do I have to explain this to them?
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  Speaker 2: And it was just such a big cloud that kind
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  Speaker 2: of sat on top of me that I just completely
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  Speaker 2: isolated myself from everyone and anything. And so I had
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  Speaker 2: like a brand new point one hundred and sixty thousand
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  Speaker 2: dollar portrait nineteen right because I bought that, and then
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  Speaker 2: I was living that life and I had all this
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  Speaker 2: financial freedom and like on the outside, I was showing
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  Speaker 2: that and I was showcasing that stuff, but I was
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  Speaker 2: like literally depressed, like I was alone, I was lonely.
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  Speaker 2: I felt like I didn't have anybody I could lean
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: on obviously, like outside of my family. And I just
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: remember thinking in that time, like what does it all matter?
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  Speaker 2: Well for like what I'm gonna go fucking cry my Porsche,
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  Speaker 2: Like it sounds like a really privileged thing to be
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  Speaker 2: able to say, but it's also that wasn't deeper than that.
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  Speaker 2: It wasn't what mattered to me. Like, yes, it was
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: a cool goal to have hit and achieved and be like,
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: oh cool. I was able to do that for the moment,
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: but it didn't really mean anything on like the underlying
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: like what I actually craved and valued out of life.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: I wanted connection and love and impact, and even me
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: doing that as a job like financially trading, I was
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: like cool, But then what, I'm not impacting anybody. I'm
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  Speaker 2: not helping other.
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  Speaker 1: People fill you up and light you are.
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  Speaker 2: No, it was very self focused and it was more
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: something that I was doing for myself. But I was like,
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: but there's still something missing. I didn't feel genuinely happy
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: in that time of my life, and I honestly felt
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: the most lost in my life in that time, and
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: I remember just thinking like I can't continue doing this,
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  Speaker 2: Like this isn't it for me? Because what I crave
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: is so much deeper than what I'm currently choosing, that
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: something about me has to change. I have to choose
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: different things. I have to look at the career that
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: I'm in and go, Okay, does this actually fulfill me?
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Or is there something more for me? And be willing
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: to lean into that curiosity of the fear that I
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: felt of like changing that career yet again after doing
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: like fucking six temp jobs and having the pressure of
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: being like, well you didn't find the job, Another job
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: down the drain, another year lost, Like that was the
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: mentality I was in at the time. But then also
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: same thing. With each job, I got closer to my passion.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: I got closer to the thing that was fulfilling. Yeah.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: And it's interesting too, Like we were talking all the
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: way up about celebrities, yes, and how many of them
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: have done documentaries and they talk about how lonely they
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: are and from an outside it's like Taylor Swift and
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Katy Perry and Salina Gomez, and it's sharing all these
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: celebrities that look like they have it all. They have
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: endless money, they have ravings, fans screaming how much they
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: love them. They have the house, they have the cars,
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: they can fly first class everyone, and you just look,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: you think that's it. Yeah, But most of them, they've
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: said on the documentaries, have gone to bed so fucking lonely,
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: like it's just not it. As humans, we just crave
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: feeling like we belong to something. We want to help
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: other people. We want to know that we're making a difference.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: So it's a huge thing to talk about. I've got
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: a few different steps that I learned throughout the process
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: that sound really simple, but help me learn as I
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: was going through this. Number one is to feel all.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: To not put shame on feeling sad or depressed or anxious,
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: even though I have all the things. Do you think
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: about it? You know, when you're fighting with your partner.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: We always talk about this. You're fighting with your partner.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: It's the most draining fucking thing. Nothing feels good.
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  Speaker 2: It impacts every everything. If your relationship is not good,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: everything else suffers.
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  Speaker 1: Can't work properly. I can't show up as a parent properly.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I can't buy my way out of that. I can't
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  Speaker 1: go buy a nice handbag. I feel better about my relationship.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: It's the same thing, right, like money can't get you
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: out of feeling sad if you're feeling sad inside. So
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: just really feel all take the time to let it
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: all come out, come up, process it, and once we
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: always say that thing gives you clarity, remind yourself that
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: you're human. Just because you're rich doesn't mean you're exempt
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: from feeling sad or depressed.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: You're human.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: Just because you're fit and healthy to have a six
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: pack doesn't mean you're going to have days where you
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: don't feel insecure, doesn't exempt you from anything. So just
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: remind yourself you're a human and what you're feeling is okay,
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: it's natural, it's normal. That just dissolves any shame, which
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: helps you move through it. And then my next thing
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: is to explore and journal what exactly is coming up
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: for me and be completely honest about it. Don't sugarcoat it,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: don't tell yourself it's wrong or anything like that, Like,
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: really sit with that. In journal, I find just brain
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: dumping onto paper helps so much get help from friends, family,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: always talking about this, but just reaching out for support
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: through these times is so important to validate how you're
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: feeling because anyone close to you, I know now even
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: having this conversation doesn't matter what we have. We want
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: to make sure that we're feeling fulfilled in your lit up.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: And even when we get in little ruts, it's like, okay,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: well have you been exercising, you haven't done dancing for
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: a while. Yeah, what have you been eating? Like all
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: those little things that make us feel really good. You
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: let go of those, of course you're gonna feel shit
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: once again. It's not something money you can buy. You've
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: got to really actively do those things that light you up.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: We talk about this in a previous episode. But being
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: okay to change your mind. I once thought, once I
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: have the car, once I have the house, once I
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: have the baby, once i'm married, once I have tick
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: tick tick the white, like all the things that you
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: think you want. Once I got all that, I was like, shit, no,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: it's not actually it for me. I'm going to change
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: my mind on what I want. I actually want to
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: feel more fulfilled. I want to make sure I'm making
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: more impact. I want to try new things, I want
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: to do this and that, and being okay to change
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: your mind. It's so important. And then one of the
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: other things that just really gets me through is leaning
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: on gratitude. Yeah, it sounds so oh, of course she
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: says that, but it really helps. It really highlights what
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: you do have in your life and what's really important.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: And it's not superficial things. It's what you choose to
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: focus on. If you focus on you will always get
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: what you find right. But if you focus on the
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: gratitude of what you do have, you're going to focus
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: on the positivity of that and how those things make
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: you feel, as opposed to highlighting all the things that
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: maybe don't feel the best right now.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: And I love everything that you just shared, and something
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: that I would share to my clients is if you're
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: constantly chasing the thing outside of you to make you happy,
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: you are forever going to be following and chasing the
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: dangling carrote but you never reach it. You never actually
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: reach it. And you know what as well, Like, if
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: you haven't had some kind of financial success and that's
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: your first goal, I feel like you almost need to
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: hit that to hit that realization of Oh my god,
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: this isn't it. You need to have that like awakening
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: moment of wow, this is not the fulfillment that I
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: was chasing and that I thought it was going to
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: give me. But if you can condense that time, if
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: you want to skip that step and just look within
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: first and go, what is the thing that's actually going
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: to create fulfillment within me? Now? How can I be happy? Now?
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: How can I find joy in the things that I choose?
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: Now you're going to completely skip that step of spending
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: years chasing the dangling carrot of the thing you think
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: is going to make you happy, and you actually get
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: to create that now, Like what you were saying about
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: the gratitude you creating the happiness now within you. Now,
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: with whatever it is that you have, whatever situation you're in,
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: you're going to only manifest more of that. You're only
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: going to create more of that because you're focusing on
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: what is good as opposed to what is lack. And
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: when you focus on lack, you get more lack.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: What you focus on is what you feel. What you
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: focus on expands more.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: So true, I feel like we keep relating it back
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: to money. But I'm sure if you're in a position
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: right now you think money is going to make you happy.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: You could go and get a job that you fucking
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: hated to earn more money, but you'll be miserable.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: I've used its example before, but it's like I've let
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: go of an active wad label that was making amazing
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: money and doing podcasting. Now it just doesn't earn nearly
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: as much. This is like pocket money compared to what
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: I used to earn. But I am ten times happier.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: I'm so much more it up. I'm so much calm
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: with my kids. I'm so much more excited for my days.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: I love the whole process and journey. Whereas I felt
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: like Baseline got to a point where I was like,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: I have to cover the bills and I've got to
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: hit these goals and sell this amount. And once I
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: hit those goals and I had to make a bigger goal.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: I want to sell more, I want to do more collections.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: I need to And it was constantly chasing more and more.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: But for what. Once I hit that goal, I wasn't
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: even celebrating. It was like straight away onto the next
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: big goal.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: I was like, for what different energy? Isn't it whereas
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: even within the podcast, it's like we naturally have this
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: beautiful flow where things will just come up and then
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: we'll work on it. Yeah, celebrate and we have fun,
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: and then we work on the next thing. So it
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: naturally has that progression. But it doesn't feel like chasing
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: or chasing after a goal.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: It's it's enjoying the process and journey. Yeah, because it
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: makes impact. It ticks the boxes.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: Something you actually said to me when we did our
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: first in person event, and you said, I actually really
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: enjoyed the whole process of creating that event. It was like, yes,
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: the event was over in a couple of hours, but
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: the months leading up to that, so creating and getting
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: everyone together and getting the teams together and us working
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: on a project together, all of it was so much fun.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: I enjoy that just as much as what I actually
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: enjoy the event. Yeah. How cool is that to say?
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: People would think it's just the event that you enjoy.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: The other stuff's hard, But it's like, no, I actually
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: enjoyed the whole process. And if you can do that
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: in your everyday life, you are winning. That is successful.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: To me. Yeah, that is successful. Love it.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: I think something that's really important to note as well
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: for anyone listening, is to just be willing to explore
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: what it is that the real you wants, because I
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: think there's a lot of pressure in society or like
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: social conditioning, or even from your peers social media, right
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: especially in social media, that there's a specific way of
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: doing life, there's a specific way of doing things, and
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: you need to quotations fit inside that box. And it's
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: just not true. Like you are such a unique human
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: and you deserve to live the life that genuinely lights
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: you up and creates happiness and like genuinely makes you
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: excited to get up in the morning, Like it makes
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: you go, oh my god, I get up in the
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: morning with a skip in my step and I'm ready
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: to make my coffee and do all the things that
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: I want to get done for the day. But you've
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: got to be able to dig deep and really be
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: honest with yourself about what you truly want, because right
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: now you might be living a life or leading a
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: life that you think others want you to live, but
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: that's not going to make you happy, No, it's just
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: going to feel like you're like living in this empty
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: shell of a life, like the lights are on no
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: one's home. They're just existing, and no one has their
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: sparkle when they're existing, when they're not truly living in
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: alignment with what they genuinely want. Same thing goes for Actually,
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: the same thing goes for me. We both experience that too,
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: and maybe if you're here, just be willing to discover
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: what it is that actually lies underneath your deep desires. Yes,
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: It's beautiful. I've spoken a lot about the different stories
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: that you tell yourself and when I quote unquote had
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: all the things, it was when I was going through
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: the most hate online and it was really fucking hard,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: to the point where I just did not think there
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: was any light at the end of the tunnel where
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: I wanted to end my life because I thought this
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: was it. And some of the stories I was telling myself,
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: which made me feel so stark and so depressed regardless
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: of everything that I quote and quite had, stories were like,
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: the trolling is never going to stop. Everyone hates me,
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: no one wants to be around me. This is my
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: life now, there is no light at the end of
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: the tunnel. I should be happy because I have it all.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: And I had to really change the way that I
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: spoke to myself because you can hear in that language.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: It's first of all, it's very victim mentality. It's not
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: the truth. Comments like no one wants to be around me,
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: that's not true, it's bullshit.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: It's an absolute statement.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: There's a couple of haters that don't want to be
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: around me, for sure, But saying no one that's just
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: so limiting and so isolating. As well, everyone hates me. No,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: everyone does not hate you. Yes, there's a pack of
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: people that don't like you, for sure. There's thousands of
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: people that are literally screaming yourn in an arena. You
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: can't say everyone hates you. Yeah, but that language was
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: so powerful, so I had to really switch that up.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: And how I did that, which I've spoken before, is
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: getting professional help. That really got me out of it.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: And also what I was using my money for changed.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: So when I first started to come into a lot
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: of money, it was just like buy the range drover,
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: buy the handbags, buy as many friggin' shoes as I wanted,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: buy my friends everything, which just by bye by things, things, things,
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: And yeah, that was fun and I still love doing
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: that now. If I can, don't get me wrong. I'll
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: always love doing that. It gives me a little hit
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: a dope for me for sure. But it was actually
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: using my money to make a big difference. And I
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: didn't even post about this because it wasn't for anyone
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: else's for me, But helping other families donating money where
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: I felt like they needed that kind of really gave
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: me a lot more fulfillment and got me also out
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: of my own head of what was going on in
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: my life. Yeah, just seeing that there's actually people struggling
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: with so much and this is a collective thing. I'm
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: not special to be going through something really hard, Like,
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of people and when we come together
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: and we help each other, it gets you moving again,
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: and it gets you grateful for the problems that you
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: do have because you see some fucked up shit when
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: you put your head in the rabbit hole. And I
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: started using my money for different things rather than just
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: materialistic things, and that really helped me find more happiness
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: with the money that I had. It sounds so crazy
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: to say, because anyone listening, I feel like they'd be like,
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: why is she complaining about having lots of money? I'm
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: not complaining about it. Moral of the stories. It won't
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: make you happy. And what you do with your money
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: can contribute to your happiness, yes, of course. And fulfillment
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: and contribution and making impact because that's all the things
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: that I really value. I didn't value the handbag, Yes,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: I love them, I didn't value them. I valued making
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: a difference. I wanted to use my time, my resources,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: and my money to be able to make huge impact.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: It was like, you use that money as a way
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: to make it go further. Yes, because it created impact
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: within you and impact in other people's life.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Made me happy? Yeah, Yeah, it wasn't the things that
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: made me feel truly happy. What a journey to go on.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Even saying this out loud, I'm like, wow, I just
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: grew up in a family with no money. I never
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: thought i'd be in a position where I had as
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: much money. Yeah, but it's a cool journey to go on,
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: and so many lessons in there that I got to
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: learn throughout that and really realized what is important.
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: It's like what I was saying before, It's like you
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: kind of need to go through the experience of getting
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: the things that you want because you think that's what
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: you want, and then once you get there, you're like,
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: oh wait, there's more to this. There's more here for
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: me to explore, because I want more out of life.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: And it's not more materialistic, even though we love materialistic things.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: You want more depth, you want more substance, you want
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: more fulfillment, you want more love like growth.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: I had this conversation with Steve a little while ago
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: because we were talking about what we want to do
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: with the podcast and whether it's the end of this
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: year or next year. We want to be bringing out
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: courses and stuff. And I get excited about all of it,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: the development of it, the impact we get to make,
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: the money that's been made.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: And he pulled me up.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: He was like, but you don't need to make more money, bag, Like,
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: we're good. I had to explain to us it it's
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: not about the money that we get from it. It's
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: the sense of achievement. It's the growth. It's actually celebrating
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: that Tiana and I have done that together because I
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: found in base sline and previous businesses, even high Toway like,
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: we just we don't celebrate when we hit a milestone
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: or we have amazing launch. It's like, cool, that's done.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Now onto the next we have spoken about consciously when
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: we achieve things and do things, we're going to celebrate
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: it with a weekend away. We got by ourself something
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: special and we really go, fuck, yeah we did that.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: Not only are we making impact, but it's not about
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: the money. It's the journey of getting the money and
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: hitting those goals and feeling it's a sense of achievement.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: And the money feels really good because it's helped a
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: lot of people. Yes, it's a different meaning behind the
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: money now.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's almost like the money is a representation of
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: impact made. Yeah, and being able to do that together
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: and experience that together. It's shared achievement and shared experience
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: in impact because we both have that same value one
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: hundred and then also connecting with other women who also
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: have that value as well of us. That's unworrying. It
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: really is. It's the growth seekers, fabe, it is. It's
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: for the growth seekers.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: Mum's always said, since I was a little girl, I've
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: just had this like inner drive that was just so
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: strong that I just wanted to do a lot of things,
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: and even for money. For us, we've spoken about when
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: we hit certain goals, we earn certain amounts of money,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: like where we can help, what charities we want that
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: to go. It was like an instant, easy conversation and
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: of course we want to do that. What do we
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: want to do with that? How much can we donate?
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Where can we do that? When can we do that?
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: Where can we go? Yeah?
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really cools, such a different energy behind it.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: I loved the point that you were making before around
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: celebrating what we're doing together because it just like it
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: brings in the fun that we were talking about, and
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: like the impact it allows us to enjoy what we're
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: doing so much more. And I really really want to
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: like stress the importance of how having fun on the
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: journey makes it such a better journey.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: It's like, yes, you can have the goals, and yes
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: you can want for the car and the house and
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: the whatever it is that you desire. There's nothing wrong
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: with that. Like, actually, I encourage you to have those
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: goals because it will push you to be better. But
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: it's not the destination. It's literally the journey. And if
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: you can enjoy the journey, amazing. If you can find people.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: To go on the journey with better let's say, with
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: weight loss, right, Yeah, you think it has to be
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: hard and restrictive and punishing and just, oh, I've got
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: to do six months of dieting like this to get
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: to my goal. That's a bullshit story. Actually doesn't have
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: to be like that. You're better off finding a way
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: of eating that you actually enjoy. So it's beyond the
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: six months. You can maintain your body and feel confident
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: for the rest of your life because you thoroughly enjoy it.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Why does it have to be hard? It doesn't, And
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: celebrating is so important. I want everyone listening to think
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: about your last achievement, your last five achievements. Did you
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: actually celebrate it or do you quietly sweep under the
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: rug because you dont want people thinking you're cocky or
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: you're want to rub it in anyone's faces.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: Or worried about tall poppy syndrome.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: No, it's not the right time. Someone else is going
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: through something and you've just like swept your stuff under
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: the rug. Not a way to live. You deserve to
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: enjoy the journey, You deserve to celebrate, and the right
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: people around you want to celebrate that with you.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: I think also it's important to note with that it's yes,
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: other people might be going through their things as well,
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: but it doesn't mean that they can't hold you in yours.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: And the people who love you and care about you
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: are going to want to hold you in that. So
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: they're not going to want you or encourage you to
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: hold back the things that are important to you simply
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: because they're going through something. Thing we talk about often
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: where maybe I'm in the trenches and then you're in
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: the trenches too, and we're like going through some shit together,
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, babe, bring it in. Yeah, Like I know,
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: I've like cried to you yesterday for like twelve hours,
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: but you know, bring it in because I've got space
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: for you and I want you to bring it in.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: Whether it's good, bad, heavy, scary, ugly, whatever it is, like,
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: you always can bring it in. And I think it's
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: important to know that you're allowed to take up space,
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: and especially when it comes to achievements, You're allowed to
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: be big, you're allowed to be audacious, shit, You're allowed
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: to take up space.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: We've spoken about this before on TikTok. At the moment,
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: I love seeing business owners talk about their achievements. Yeah.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: I used to judge and think it was cocky. Yeah, oh,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: look at them bragging how much they've made I'm like,
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: hell no, now, I'm like, fuck yeah, you're celebrating yourself
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: and you should.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: They're proud you have put so much.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: Work in and you've achieved a huge goal. Good on
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: you for celebrating that loud, Like, good on you. It's
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: so freaking cool.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: It's so funny as well. It depends on who you
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: focus on, right, It's like, Okay, those people might be
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: posting that to celebrate because they know the other business
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: owners and people who are inspired by that are going
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: to run with that and go, holy shit, look at
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: what's pop. Yeah, But then it's like, you can also
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: focus on the opposite. If you choose to, it's not
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: going to benefit you. What about all the people who
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: are going to judge me for being materialistic or superficial
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: or egotistic or whatever the label. But like, what you
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: focus on grows like you can either choose to impact
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: the people who are like you, or you can choose
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: to be scared about the people who are going to
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: say something about what you're choosing and doing. But ultimately
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: you get to decide, and it's just so much better
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: on the other side when you can just choose to
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: assume the best about other people and know that people
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: will actually see you and hear you on your journey
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: and it's safe to do those things.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: So to wrap up, money doesn't buy happiness, and get
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: clear on what you really really want and find a
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: way that you can enjoy the journey, not just when
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: you get to the destination, and celebrate your fucking winds
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: when you deserve too. Yeah. Absolutely, hope you guys enjoyed
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: today's episode and we'll see you say on Wednesday.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: Bye bye,