Latest / WholeHeart Conversations / Hope and Healing While Navigating Cancer and Other Life Wounds| Teresa Hargrove, MA

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Hope and Healing While Navigating Cancer and Other Life Wounds| Teresa Hargrove, MA · WholeHeart Conversations

• 0:00
  Teresa Hargrove: Think a lot of times when we go through things, we have the uh tendency to isolate.
• 0:05
  Teresa Hargrove: But I just believe that when we self-isolate, that's when the enemy begins to annihilate.
• 0:09
  Teresa Hargrove: He begins to make us believe every lie, even though he doesn't have any authority.
• 0:14
  Teresa Hargrove: But when God isolates us, it is not for annihilation, it's for elevation.
• 0:18
  Teresa Hargrove: So we have to remember that if we are self-isolating ourselves, we are setting ourselves up for the enemy to do what he does best, and that is to steal, kill, and destroy.
• 0:29
  Teresa Hargrove: Whole
• 0:31
  Intro: heart conversations.
• 0:37
  Constance Lavonice: Welcome to Whole Heart Conversations, a space encouraging Christian women to grow spiritually, heal emotionally, and live whole.
• 0:47
  Constance Lavonice: I am your host, Constance Lavonice.
• 0:50
  Constance Lavonice: Today I am having a conversation with Teresa Hargrove.
• 0:56
  Constance Lavonice: Teresa is a clinical mental health therapist who works with individuals, families, and couples wounded by life, helping them navigate their brokenness and discover wholeness by integrating clinical skills with spiritual application to foster hope, healing, and freedom.
• 1:22
  Constance Lavonice: Welcome, Teresa.
• 1:24
  Constance Lavonice: Yay! Thank you for having me.
• 1:27
  Teresa Hargrove: I'm so excited to be with you today.
• 1:29
  Constance Lavonice: Yes, I'm excited to have you with us today.
• 1:32
  Constance Lavonice: Also, Teresa, tell us a little bit about yourself and what led you to become a clinical mental health therapist.
• 1:42
  Teresa Hargrove: Yes, so for more than 30 years, I spent uh a lot of time in the nonprofit world helping families with children with uh developmental and intellectual disabilities.
• 1:51
  Teresa Hargrove: And then some were duly diagnosed.
• 1:53
  Teresa Hargrove: So I noticed that for those families, they were always in crisis.
• 1:57
  Teresa Hargrove: And then in that field, I worked with and managed a lot of staff who also had crisis.
• 2:03
  Teresa Hargrove: And so I know that the Lord just turned my heart to go to school to uh integrate counseling.
• 2:09
  Teresa Hargrove: I thought initially it was marriage and family, so I went through that piece.
• 2:13
  Teresa Hargrove: And then the Lord was like, No, I want you in clinical mental health.
• 2:18
  Teresa Hargrove: So I went back, got those final hours.
• 2:20
  Teresa Hargrove: So I have my degrees in clinical mental health, but my specialty also is in marriage and family because I just believe the family is the nucleus.
• 2:28
  Teresa Hargrove: And if the family is whole, our communities are whole, the world is whole, our churches will be whole.
• 2:34
  Teresa Hargrove: So that's kind of what got me started.
• 2:37
  Constance Lavonice: Okay, that's good.
• 2:38
  Constance Lavonice: I always like to ask therapists how they got started in that field.
• 2:43
  Constance Lavonice: And so I mentioned brokenness.
• 2:46
  Constance Lavonice: What is brokenness as far as mental health and spiritual health?
• 2:51
  Constance Lavonice: And what are some of the life wounds that you notice most often in your work?
• 2:59
  Teresa Hargrove: Yes.
• 2:59
  Teresa Hargrove: So brokenness, in my opinion, is the inability to see life through a clear lens.
• 3:06
  Teresa Hargrove: It is the inability to think, to concentrate, to move and navigate because something, usually pressures or stressors of life, have weighed you down and uh or something has happened to you traumatic.
• 3:20
  Teresa Hargrove: And so what I'm seeing a lot of is I'm seeing people wounded by grief with the loss of loved ones or loss of seeing a lot of divorce, especially we know we're in this age of gray uh divorces, as they call them, people who've been married for a long time, especially in my work with divorce care, just seeing since the pandemic, you know, 30-year, 40-year, even 50-year marriages ending.
• 3:46
  Teresa Hargrove: I'm also seeing uh woundedness as I just led a class in this of uh people, you know, from childhood trauma, woundedness from absence of a father, uh, neglect by a mother, all of those things, and then health care, like myself and others, you know, significant health issues from cancer to uh stroke to uh heart disease, all of those things leave people, you know, just wounded and not able to navigate life well.
• 4:16
  Constance Lavonice: Okay.
• 4:16
  Constance Lavonice: Yeah, so some things are dealing with loss of loved ones, divorces, separations, um, and also the traumas in life.
• 4:27
  Constance Lavonice: And you mentioned cancer.
• 4:29
  Constance Lavonice: Did you have a personal experience with cancer?
• 4:34
  Teresa Hargrove: Yes, I did.
• 4:35
  Teresa Hargrove: I was diagnosed in October of 2023.
• 4:39
  Teresa Hargrove: Um, no family history, no significant issues, just went in for routine, and then I was actually diagnosed three days before I was getting ready to have a hysterectomy.
• 4:49
  Teresa Hargrove: So that was a whole situation.
• 4:51
  Teresa Hargrove: I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer, so I had to wait a bit to get treatment because I had to heal from the hysterectomy.
• 4:58
  Teresa Hargrove: But God was in the plan.
• 4:59
  Teresa Hargrove: Uh, I know that now because my surgeon was a Christian and just had an opening in her schedule and was like Teresa, she called me early in the morning at 7 a.m.
• 5:10
  Teresa Hargrove: and said, I just had someone cancel.
• 5:12
  Teresa Hargrove: I know this spot is for you.
• 5:13
  Teresa Hargrove: That is what the Lord is saying.
• 5:15
  Teresa Hargrove: So I was able to have my surgery first in December after going through uh surgery for hysterectomy in November, then started treatment in January.
• 5:22
  Teresa Hargrove: And I will say that it was rough, but I do know that God was present in the midst.
• 5:28
  Teresa Hargrove: And that's what I try to teach clients as I'm navigating with them is that we've got to see what God is doing.
• 5:34
  Teresa Hargrove: Because most of the time when life is heavy, when we're broken, we're focusing more on what is happening to us and not on what God is doing around us and in us in those moments.
• 5:45
  Teresa Hargrove: So I think the first word I got from him was, you will worship me through that.
• 5:49
  Teresa Hargrove: And that's what I did.
• 5:51
  Teresa Hargrove: You know, I wanted to have the whole pity party, it didn't last long.
• 5:54
  Teresa Hargrove: Uh, maybe five minutes.
• 5:56
  Constance Lavonice: Yeah, I was gonna ask you that because we're helping people navigate through their life difficulties.
• 6:02
  Constance Lavonice: But yes, we're experiencing life at the same time.
• 6:05
  Constance Lavonice: And you mentioned breast cancer, and it is breast cancer awareness month this month.
• 6:11
  Constance Lavonice: So I just wanted to also honor those people because I am also a breast cancer survivor, and I want to honor and acknowledge those women who are currently going through that struggle, absolutely women who will go through that struggle, and also the women who will support someone who's going through that.
• 6:34
  Constance Lavonice: And so when you were diagnosed, how did you respond initially?
• 6:43
  Teresa Hargrove: My initial response was because I'm a faith walker, I believe that there's nothing too hard from God, like literally, and I think that has been my case because when I was first introduced to Christ and gave my life to the Lord, I had a tumor on the brain and the Lord healed it.
• 6:57
  Teresa Hargrove: So I've always had this just keen sense that God is able to do anything.
• 7:01
  Teresa Hargrove: But here in cancer, my initial response was just crying because it was just disbelief, like what?
• 7:09
  Teresa Hargrove: And then I didn't, I'm and I'm gonna keep saying this because I want to normalize that it is real, God can heal, but I also want people to know that it is healthy to grieve, to be disappointed, but then we just can't stay stuck there.
• 7:23
  Teresa Hargrove: We've gotta do something else with that grief because that's how we're naturally wired.
• 7:27
  Teresa Hargrove: So after hearing it, like I said, I cried in the car and I got home, but I said to the Lord in my drive, I didn't ask him why, but I did say, if you be the God that I know that you are, what good are you about to bring out of this?
• 7:41
  Teresa Hargrove: So that was the headspace I had to be in for me, because I I know that God is not the author of bad things.
• 7:52
  Teresa Hargrove: I know that he is sovereign and he's in all things.
• 7:56
  Teresa Hargrove: So if he didn't stop it or he's allowing it, then in my opinion, he has to be bringing something good out of it.
• 8:04
  Teresa Hargrove: So that's what I wanted to know.
• 8:06
  Constance Lavonice: That because a lot of times when people are going through something that's difficult in life, they somehow think that God is bringing that upon them to maybe teach them a lesson or to grow them stronger.
• 8:25
  Constance Lavonice: And you just said God is not the author of that, He didn't even cause that.
• 8:32
  Constance Lavonice: And you were able to shift your mind to knowing that if it was allowed that He has something good for your life.
• 8:43
  Teresa Hargrove: Yeah, absolutely.
• 8:44
  Teresa Hargrove: Because he says he makes all things beautiful in a season.
• 8:47
  Teresa Hargrove: And so, though this the diagnosis, the prognosis didn't look pretty.
• 8:51
  Teresa Hargrove: It wasn't pretty at all.
• 8:52
  Teresa Hargrove: In the moment, you don't know what type of cancer, you just know that you have cancer.
• 8:56
  Teresa Hargrove: And we know when we hear cancer, generally all we think of is a death sentence.
• 9:01
  Teresa Hargrove: And so and then the truth is I didn't want to suffer.
• 9:05
  Teresa Hargrove: Who wants to have cancer?
• 9:06
  Teresa Hargrove: Nobody.
• 9:07
  Teresa Hargrove: So I didn't want to have that.
• 9:08
  Teresa Hargrove: And I I know that the Lord, in these last few years, since 2022, has been teaching me a lot about suffering.
• 9:16
  Teresa Hargrove: In October 2022, I lost my mom.
• 9:20
  Teresa Hargrove: In October of 2023, I found out I had cancer.
• 9:23
  Teresa Hargrove: In the whole year of 2024, I'm going through treatment.
• 9:27
  Teresa Hargrove: And then in 2025, I'm out of treatment, but then I have a side effect where my port punctures my jugular vein and causes a large, massive clot from my port up to the top of my right ear.
• 9:43
  Constance Lavonice: Wow.
• 9:44
  Teresa Hargrove: Who nobody wants to go through that, but the Lord has been teaching me about suffering that it is a part of the Christian journey that we do have to navigate.
• 9:54
  Teresa Hargrove: That He didn't promise us a rose garden life, but he did promise us that he would be with us.
• 10:00
  Teresa Hargrove: And so I think it's important that when we're navigating those hard seasons, that we do honestly believe that.
• 10:07
  Teresa Hargrove: And then we commit to, Lord, I don't like this.
• 10:10
  Teresa Hargrove: It doesn't feel good.
• 10:12
  Teresa Hargrove: Where are you?
• 10:13
  Teresa Hargrove: Because God is not confused.
• 10:15
  Teresa Hargrove: He's not challenged by our questions.
• 10:16
  Constance Lavonice: He's not.
• 10:17
  Constance Lavonice: So what does that look like?
• 10:18
  Constance Lavonice: It's like we have to believe it.
• 10:20
  Constance Lavonice: And as Christians, we have the Holy Spirit.
• 10:23
  Constance Lavonice: That's what I always want to impress in people.
• 10:26
  Constance Lavonice: We have the Holy Spirit that lives within us.
• 10:29
  Constance Lavonice: So, what did that look like for you from the initial shock until now of how you trust God?
• 10:37
  Constance Lavonice: How do you believe?
• 10:38
  Constance Lavonice: And what does trusting Him and walking with Him and allowing Him to work within your life?
• 10:44
  Constance Lavonice: What does that look like for someone who's wondering or someone who's struggling?
• 10:49
  Constance Lavonice: What did you do?
• 10:51
  Teresa Hargrove: A couple of things.
• 10:52
  Teresa Hargrove: The first thing I did was that I paused and I did exactly what God said.
• 10:56
  Teresa Hargrove: He said, You will worship me through this.
• 10:58
  Teresa Hargrove: I immediately got up and I began to just put on worship music and I began to sing praises to God and I began to pray, and then I got a piece.
• 11:07
  Teresa Hargrove: Then I began to tell my closest family because I know that when we're going through hard things, God uses other people.
• 11:14
  Teresa Hargrove: So I needed other people to be praying with me and for me, especially when I would have moments.
• 11:19
  Teresa Hargrove: I then began to fill my home with the words that the Lord would give me related to worship.
• 11:25
  Teresa Hargrove: I found everything on worship that I could find.
• 11:29
  Teresa Hargrove: And I began to plaster it through from the bathroom to the bathroom mirror to when I'm using the bathroom to the kitchen, to my car, just wherever I would find space.
• 11:40
  Teresa Hargrove: And then telling those trusted persons.
• 11:43
  Teresa Hargrove: So one of my spiritual mentors, well, actually it was my spiritual mom, came over and she prayed with me and my family at that time.
• 11:50
  Teresa Hargrove: And she then enriched us with God's word and gave us five words that I would use during that time.
• 11:57
  Teresa Hargrove: And it related to prayer, it related to worship, it related to endurance, it related to faith, just reminding us what the gifts that God had already given us that we needed to tap into.
• 12:07
  Teresa Hargrove: And then for me, I needed to hear the voice of someone who had been through it.
• 12:13
  Teresa Hargrove: So there is a woman who went through, I think, colon cancer.
• 12:17
  Teresa Hargrove: Her name is Lynn Ibbs.
• 12:18
  Teresa Hargrove: I found every one of her devotionals.
• 12:21
  Teresa Hargrove: She did, I want to say about 50 days of hope, she did when God and Cancer meet.
• 12:25
  Teresa Hargrove: So I got those devotionals and I began to read them because I knew I needed the word to strengthen me.
• 12:32
  Teresa Hargrove: I think a lot of times when we go through things, we have the uh tendency to isolate.
• 12:37
  Teresa Hargrove: But I just believe that when we self-isolate, that's when the enemy begins to annihilate.
• 12:42
  Teresa Hargrove: He begins to make us believe every lie, even though he doesn't have any authority.
• 12:47
  Teresa Hargrove: But when God isolates us, it is not for annihilation, it's for elevation.
• 12:51
  Teresa Hargrove: So we have to remember that if we are self-isolating ourselves, we are setting ourselves up for the enemy to do what he does best, and that is to steal, kill, and destroy.
• 13:01
  Teresa Hargrove: But we have life in the Lord.
• 13:04
  Teresa Hargrove: So the more we seek him, the more we will find him, the more we'll be encouraged, the more we'll be strengthened, the more we'll be comforted.
• 13:12
  Teresa Hargrove: It doesn't mean that the feelings of fear and uh anxiety will immediately cease.
• 13:18
  Teresa Hargrove: But the more you call on the Lord, the more you pray, the more you are honest with how you're feeling, because um I think I may have shared this before that I went through my first four aggressive rounds of chemo, and I was at the third round, nearing the finish, and I remember it clearly it's February the 12th, and I wanted to quit because I woke up just feeling this deep sense of violation.
• 13:45
  Teresa Hargrove: Because cancer, you know, as a witness to yourself, I don't know all about your journey, but it it was hard and that I would be sick, and I then I'd have a week of feeling great and feeling like myself.
• 13:56
  Teresa Hargrove: And so you know you're going back in for a treatment where you're just gonna feel sick again.
• 14:01
  Teresa Hargrove: And I just had had it.
• 14:02
  Teresa Hargrove: I felt like cancer was violating me and that it was ripping me apart.
• 14:06
  Teresa Hargrove: And I just remember in that moment, my then husband said, This is for healing.
• 14:13
  Teresa Hargrove: I knew it to be true, but it's not what I wanted to hear in that moment.
• 14:18
  Teresa Hargrove: I wanted him to join in my pity party, but he didn't.
• 14:21
  Teresa Hargrove: So that is the portance of community and building others and you know, tagging others, hey, walk with me in this journey so that when you have your moments, that God then sustains you through others, whether that's through, you know, people in your family, friends, or what have you.
• 14:38
  Teresa Hargrove: I also created a um Facebook group called Worship Through It.
• 14:42
  Teresa Hargrove: And it was a space.
• 14:43
  Teresa Hargrove: And when I tell you it was beautiful, because I invited friends, family, uh, some of them invited friends to just pray with me.
• 14:50
  Teresa Hargrove: I would give them updates and just share the journey.
• 14:53
  Teresa Hargrove: And I asked them, I said, the Lord said, Worship through it.
• 14:55
  Teresa Hargrove: So I got beautiful songs from them.
• 14:57
  Teresa Hargrove: I got a lot of beautiful scriptures.
• 15:00
  Teresa Hargrove: It was just simply amazing that in moments when I'm like, I don't know, God always sent a word of encouragement.
• 15:10
  Constance Lavonice: Wow, I like that, and I find that to be so true that when we draw close to God, because there is a tendency to want to separate and isolate, and that's what Satan likes us to be.
• 15:24
  Constance Lavonice: He likes us to be isolated, so he does just rummage through us.
• 15:30
  Constance Lavonice: And after you spoke with the Lord and got instruction from the Lord, and his word tells us that he inhabits the praises of his people.
• 15:39
  Constance Lavonice: Yes, so you're drawing close to him, you're worshiping him, he's drawing close to you, and then you got a circle, you were selective, not just anybody.
• 15:48
  Constance Lavonice: Correct.
• 15:50
  Constance Lavonice: Because there's always the people, and I wonder if you had this experience, the people that said, Oh, yeah, yeah, I know I so and so went through that, and yeah, he died.
• 15:58
  Constance Lavonice: How did you handle those type of people during this time and even maybe still now?
• 16:05
  Teresa Hargrove: Initially, those people, I just knew that they couldn't be a part of my journey, honestly.
• 16:11
  Teresa Hargrove: And I just disconnected from them.
• 16:13
  Teresa Hargrove: And what I did was tag one of my sisters who was like my spokesperson during that season, and I would tell her, I don't want to talk to this person anymore.
• 16:22
  Teresa Hargrove: Um, so if they call you, just let them know, like, hey, she's healing.
• 16:27
  Teresa Hargrove: Because I I just, you know, when you're going through cancer, you know, there's a lot of emotional toil, there's a lot of physical toil, and you just can't have the stress of people who don't understand it.
• 16:39
  Teresa Hargrove: And so I didn't count it uh as the as the Bible would say, robbery against that person, but I understood that they just didn't know.
• 16:46
  Teresa Hargrove: And I just could not walk with them in that season.
• 16:50
  Teresa Hargrove: I also could not walk with people who were so spiritual that they wanted to demonize it as if I had done something.
• 16:57
  Teresa Hargrove: You know, like, oh, there's something, the reason why you got cancer.
• 17:00
  Teresa Hargrove: Oh, really?
• 17:00
  Teresa Hargrove: It's amazing that there's something that I've done in research and science, and nobody else uh can do it, but the Lord has healed people.
• 17:07
  Teresa Hargrove: So, you know, that's what I stand on.
• 17:10
  Teresa Hargrove: And then I say we also have to pray for those people because they just don't know.
• 17:14
  Teresa Hargrove: And so I also did a lot of educating.
• 17:16
  Teresa Hargrove: I also evaluated my friendships and realized who was walking with me.
• 17:20
  Teresa Hargrove: And I called every last one of them and said to them, This is the type of friendships I want going for.
• 17:26
  Teresa Hargrove: If we're not gonna be open, honest, and transparent, I don't want to be in a friendship because I knew in the season I couldn't do surface level anymore.
• 17:35
  Teresa Hargrove: I needed people who wanted to allow me to be vulnerable and authentic and share where I was and still love me the same.
• 17:42
  Teresa Hargrove: But also note that I love the Lord.
• 17:44
  Teresa Hargrove: So, you know, I did that.
• 17:46
  Teresa Hargrove: I I called them.
• 17:47
  Teresa Hargrove: And then I also, just under the unction of the Lord hearing, every month that I was in treatment for those six months, we had monthly family dinner.
• 17:56
  Teresa Hargrove: The Lord just said, bring the family together.
• 17:59
  Teresa Hargrove: And what we would do was it wasn't just about me, but everybody.
• 18:03
  Teresa Hargrove: What are issues that you're facing?
• 18:05
  Teresa Hargrove: And we would cover them in prayer.
• 18:07
  Teresa Hargrove: It was the most beautiful thing because I found out that I had nephews and nieces who could pray.
• 18:13
  Teresa Hargrove: Because you know, you just never know with kids.
• 18:16
  Teresa Hargrove: But we found out that they could pray, and so they were praying, and then we found out some of the challenges that were happening because we're coming together every month as a family to fellowship and to pray.
• 18:27
  Teresa Hargrove: And it was just beautiful.
• 18:28
  Teresa Hargrove: It strengthened us after having lost our mom.
• 18:31
  Teresa Hargrove: It really strengthened us so much.
• 18:34
  Teresa Hargrove: So I've lost a lot in cancer, but I've also gained a lot.
• 18:40
  Teresa Hargrove: I the Lord allowed me to see who was, you know, who was who was really there, who was really gonna be walking with you, who was really in your best interest, because he moved a lot of people and it was hurtful.
• 18:52
  Teresa Hargrove: It was really hurtful because I had some friends that I really thought like we were girls and no more.
• 18:58
  Teresa Hargrove: And I was like, wow, okay.
• 19:01
  Teresa Hargrove: So I had to grieve it.
• 19:03
  Teresa Hargrove: And then, you know, I gave my sisters permission to ask me, like, well, how are you feeling about this?
• 19:07
  Teresa Hargrove: And how are you feeling about that?
• 19:08
  Teresa Hargrove: So that I could be very authentic, very honest, because a lot of times when we're going through things, we don't want to be truthful.
• 19:16
  Teresa Hargrove: You know, especially as believers, we feel like we've got to always be with our hands holy and lifted up as if we have it all together.
• 19:24
  Teresa Hargrove: But I know that the Bible is correct.
• 19:25
  Teresa Hargrove: He says, When you are weak, then I am made strong.
• 19:29
  Constance Lavonice: Yes.
• 19:29
  Teresa Hargrove: And Paul encouraged us to boast more in our weaknesses versus our strength because that's where we find the Lord is when we're able to say, God, I don't have it together, but I know that you do.
• 19:40
  Teresa Hargrove: God, I don't know what's next, but I know you are already before me.
• 19:44
  Teresa Hargrove: So help me, lead me, and guide me.
• 19:46
  Teresa Hargrove: God, I can't get these thoughts together, but I am yielding to you, and I don't want to be anxious.
• 19:51
  Teresa Hargrove: So I'm gonna pray and I'm gonna praise and I'm gonna supplement and I'm gonna thank you.
• 19:55
  Teresa Hargrove: And then you say your peace is gonna come, which is gonna surpass all my understanding.
• 19:59
  Teresa Hargrove: So I had to implement and do what the word of God instructs us to do.
• 20:06
  Teresa Hargrove: I even had to lean into, I'm believing God is gonna heal me.
• 20:10
  Teresa Hargrove: But I also had the spirit of the three Hebrew boys.
• 20:14
  Teresa Hargrove: But if God does not, I am not bowing down to cancer, I'm not bowing down to death, I'm just not, I'm gonna believe, but if God doesn't, it's not because he can't.
• 20:23
  Teresa Hargrove: It's because he has something else that he's gonna do.
• 20:27
  Constance Lavonice: Wow, I like that.
• 20:28
  Constance Lavonice: I like that.
• 20:29
  Constance Lavonice: And I you mentioned how your husband supported you and spoke life to you when you were down and wanting to give up.
• 20:37
  Constance Lavonice: And you work with couples.
• 20:39
  Constance Lavonice: How does it affect relationships when someone is going through their own life difficulty?
• 20:48
  Constance Lavonice: What impact does it have on relationships and what type of encouragement that you can give to someone who's in that relationship because they're going through it also with someone who's going through?
• 21:00
  Teresa Hargrove: Yes.
• 21:01
  Teresa Hargrove: I think, yeah, I think that what you have to see because I've I've seen a lot of couples who it may not be cancer, um, but it may be a fatal liver disease.
• 21:11
  Teresa Hargrove: But either way, that one, the spouse has to be very honest about where they are and how they feel, and then knowing that it impacts the other spouse.
• 21:20
  Teresa Hargrove: So it can't just be all about one person.
• 21:22
  Teresa Hargrove: You know, everybody has to check in on both parties.
• 21:25
  Teresa Hargrove: Because though I'm the one that was impacted by cancer, our church had a great support of men that gathered around my husband to help him walk through that time.
• 21:34
  Teresa Hargrove: Because though he couldn't really tell me how he was feeling, he still needed a space and a place to grieve, to cry, to mourn, especially for men, because you know, men are fixers by nature.
• 21:46
  Teresa Hargrove: That's what they want to do.
• 21:47
  Teresa Hargrove: And when they see their wives hurting, it bothers them and they don't know what to do.
• 21:52
  Teresa Hargrove: But having godly cancel is very important.
• 21:56
  Teresa Hargrove: And then knowing that God needs to be in the middle of it because when God is not what happens most often is that you see people leave.
• 22:04
  Teresa Hargrove: I met a lady whose husband left her in the middle of treatment.
• 22:07
  Teresa Hargrove: He just could not do it because it was just too much.
• 22:11
  Teresa Hargrove: You see family members vacate members just because it's too much, because you've got to go into treatment.
• 22:18
  Teresa Hargrove: You know, you don't have energy.
• 22:19
  Teresa Hargrove: Some people are not able to work.
• 22:21
  Teresa Hargrove: So I think that when when we see that happening, that people, again, I'm gonna say we have to lean into God.
• 22:27
  Teresa Hargrove: We have to ask for the help that we know we need.
• 22:30
  Teresa Hargrove: Because many times we're needing help from family and from friends.
• 22:33
  Teresa Hargrove: And then we've got to be okay with who God sends the help from.
• 22:38
  Teresa Hargrove: Because sometimes we're stuck in who we think it should be.
• 22:41
  Teresa Hargrove: And most times that's not who God uses.
• 22:43
  Teresa Hargrove: We've got to be okay that it's people that we didn't think hiding in them, or that it's somebody that we wouldn't have asked.
• 22:51
  Teresa Hargrove: But whoever the Lord is sending, because I think many times we miss out on God because what He sent us doesn't look like is going to bless us.
• 23:00
  Constance Lavonice: Yes, yes, and that's important.
• 23:02
  Constance Lavonice: And to even be open for help.
• 23:05
  Constance Lavonice: Like you said, sometimes as Christian women, we walk around and we pretend that everything is okay because we're a Christian.
• 23:14
  Constance Lavonice: And if somehow things are not going okay, then we're gonna be judged, or somehow it's our fault.
• 23:21
  Constance Lavonice: And so it's essential to be honest with yourself and be open for help, especially the help that speaks life to you.
• 23:32
  Constance Lavonice: And you don't know where that's coming, but God already has someone for you already in place to provide you and assist you with what you need.
• 23:42
  Teresa Hargrove: Yes.
• 23:42
  Teresa Hargrove: And if I could tell you this quick story, it's it's scripturally based because I was in that place.
• 23:48
  Teresa Hargrove: Like I said, I was losing a lot of people.
• 23:50
  Teresa Hargrove: And uh in that time I really didn't understand it.
• 23:52
  Teresa Hargrove: And I and I was like, okay, I'm asking the Lord, what are you gonna do?
• 23:55
  Teresa Hargrove: What are we doing?
• 23:56
  Teresa Hargrove: What good are we bringing out of this?
• 23:58
  Teresa Hargrove: And the Lord reminded me of a story in 1 Samuel, I believe it is, 1 Samuel chapter 30.
• 24:03
  Teresa Hargrove: It's the story of David and his men coming back from battle, and they go into Ziglag and find everything that they're on, their wives and their children, gone.
• 24:11
  Teresa Hargrove: And as I'm reading this story, the Lord begins to minister to me because before we get to 30, we have to go to 29, because in 29, David is trying to go out with King Achis to fight against the Philistines, and they reject him.
• 24:23
  Teresa Hargrove: And he tells King Aegis, send David back.
• 24:26
  Teresa Hargrove: Well, David and them and his men had to travel back three days.
• 24:30
  Teresa Hargrove: Had they not gone back in three days, we don't know what would have happened.
• 24:33
  Teresa Hargrove: But what the Lord reminded me in that moment was this daughter, I am working.
• 24:38
  Teresa Hargrove: Even when you don't see it, even when it doesn't look good, even when it doesn't feel good, because David was rejected in that moment.
• 24:44
  Teresa Hargrove: And I am certain that did not feel good because he was well capable and able to fight, but they were afraid of his skills.
• 24:50
  Teresa Hargrove: But God also knew that if he fought the Philistines, he would be fighting against the king of Israel, which was Saul at the time, who David was going to be the king, and then he would be fighting against God's people.
• 25:01
  Teresa Hargrove: So the Lord couldn't allow it.
• 25:03
  Teresa Hargrove: So sometimes when we're going through, we don't understand what God is doing in the background, but we have to know that he's working.
• 25:09
  Teresa Hargrove: Then when they get there and find it was a surprise.
• 25:13
  Teresa Hargrove: They did not expect to find everything gone.
• 25:17
  Teresa Hargrove: And the Lord reminded me in that moment, daughter, cancer is a surprise to you, but not to me.
• 25:22
  Teresa Hargrove: When we really know that God is in authority, it's a surprise to us.
• 25:27
  Teresa Hargrove: We're shocked, we're like overwhelmed.
• 25:30
  Teresa Hargrove: But God is not shocked, He's not moved, He is settled and set.
• 25:34
  Teresa Hargrove: And the truth is, He already knows how you're gonna come out of it.
• 25:38
  Teresa Hargrove: And then while they're there, they're weeping.
• 25:39
  Teresa Hargrove: It says, All the men wept until they had no more tears.
• 25:42
  Teresa Hargrove: And the Lord reminded me, daughter, it is okay to weep because this is deep.
• 25:47
  Teresa Hargrove: In life, we've got to learn when things get hard that it's okay to cry, mourn it, grieve it, and then give it to the Lord.
• 25:57
  Teresa Hargrove: Because after you get finished crying, now you got to do what David did, which was to encourage himself in the Lord his God.
• 26:06
  Teresa Hargrove: He had to inquire of the Lord.
• 26:08
  Teresa Hargrove: Everyone else wanted to kill him, everyone else wanted to stone him, but David was keenly aware that if this is not where God wants me to be and what God's final destination is, I need to seek him.
• 26:21
  Teresa Hargrove: And he does, and he seeks him, and the Lord tells him to go and to pursue.
• 26:25
  Teresa Hargrove: And on the way, he finds an Egyptian.
• 26:28
  Teresa Hargrove: Again, we were talking about help.
• 26:29
  Teresa Hargrove: It didn't look like the help that David needed in that moment because he wanted to get back his family, his possessions, but the Lord left an answer through someone that was about to die, and they had to take time and nourish that man and feed him, and then he was able to lead them to where the enemies were, and then they were able to find everything that they need.
• 26:52
  Teresa Hargrove: We have to remember the Lord reminded me with this man that I will send you everything that you need.
• 26:58
  Teresa Hargrove: He sent me the breast cancer support group, he sent me the surgeon that covered all my bandages and heart.
• 27:04
  Teresa Hargrove: You know, he sent me the love at a time that was just deadly.
• 27:08
  Teresa Hargrove: He sent me families and supporters.
• 27:10
  Teresa Hargrove: So we have to remember that God will send us everything that we need.
• 27:15
  Teresa Hargrove: And then lastly, he allowed David to recover all.
• 27:18
  Teresa Hargrove: And I remember the Lord saying that everything that you feel like you've lost, it will be returned.
• 27:24
  Teresa Hargrove: It will be covered.
• 27:26
  Teresa Hargrove: Sometimes we think because it's not recovered exactly the way it was, that it's a loss.
• 27:31
  Teresa Hargrove: We never lose with God.
• 27:33
  Teresa Hargrove: We always win.
• 27:35
  Teresa Hargrove: So I hope that encourages somebody that is listening in to know that God is in your midst and that it is a surprise to you, but it's not to God.
• 27:45
  Teresa Hargrove: But if we could lean into strengthening ourselves in the Lord, our God, because the Bible says it says David said his God, so we can make it personal.
• 27:54
  Teresa Hargrove: That is our God.
• 27:56
  Constance Lavonice: Wow.
• 27:56
  Constance Lavonice: Wow.
• 27:57
  Constance Lavonice: That was a lot, Teresa.
• 27:58
  Constance Lavonice: But it's good.
• 27:59
  Constance Lavonice: And you covered a lot of bases there.
• 28:01
  Constance Lavonice: There may be somebody right now who's listening, who's has breast cancer and have a diagnosis, and they haven't told anyone because they're holding it to themselves and they're struggling and they're blaming God, or they're just wondering why God would allow that to happen to them, but they're struggling.
• 28:25
  Constance Lavonice: What in final words, because you've given us a lot, what would you say to that person right now if you can speak to that person who's holding this to herself?
• 28:41
  Teresa Hargrove: I would say give it, give all of your anger, your angst, your frustration, your disappointment to the Lord, because he can handle it.
• 28:51
  Teresa Hargrove: Even if you're mad at him, he is not mad at you.
• 28:54
  Teresa Hargrove: Um, the Bible tells us that we have a high priest that can be touched by the feelings of our infirmities.
• 29:00
  Teresa Hargrove: So he understands very well how you feel.
• 29:03
  Teresa Hargrove: And then I will say, don't do it alone because that's the enemy.
• 29:08
  Teresa Hargrove: The enemy wants to isolate you so he can kill, steal, and destroy everything that God came to give you.
• 29:14
  Teresa Hargrove: And to know that the Lord came, he sent his son to earth just so that you and I could have life and have it more abundantly, and that he loved us so much that he didn't leave us in the raggedy lives that we would leave without him, but he sent us his son so that we could have the Holy Spirit dwell within us when we accept him as our Lord and Savior.
• 29:35
  Teresa Hargrove: And then to know that cancer doesn't have authority over the Lord and it doesn't have the final say so.
• 29:41
  Teresa Hargrove: Cancer is an indication of a need.
• 29:44
  Teresa Hargrove: And when we have a need, we take it to the Lord and allow the Lord to meet us beyond everything we could ask or think, because he is that Ephesians 3.20 God.
• 29:54
  Teresa Hargrove: He is the God that can do exceedingly and abundantly above all.
• 29:57
  Teresa Hargrove: And then I would say, grieve however you need to grieve, but then trust God that he will turn that morning into dancing, that sorrow into joy, you know, he will turn it around if you just let him and if you just trust him.
• 30:13
  Teresa Hargrove: And that the why not you should be why not me.
• 30:16
  Teresa Hargrove: Because if what I am in is gonna bring God glory, then why not?
• 30:20
  Constance Lavonice: Amen.
• 30:21
  Constance Lavonice: Amen.
• 30:21
  Constance Lavonice: Amen.
• 30:22
  Constance Lavonice: There's nothing else I can add to that.
• 30:26
  Constance Lavonice: And so, Teresa, if someone wants to reach you, learn more, be involved in anything that you're doing, how and where can they reach you?
• 30:37
  Teresa Hargrove: Okay, a couple of things.
• 30:38
  Teresa Hargrove: They can reach me on our website for empowerment counseling and consulting, which is uh where I provide uh therapy services.
• 30:45
  Teresa Hargrove: And you can go to our website, which is www.echenmemphis.com.
• 30:52
  Teresa Hargrove: That's www.echenmemphis.com.
• 30:56
  Teresa Hargrove: And then I'm on social media quite a bit, uh sharing mostly biblical things.
• 31:01
  Teresa Hargrove: So if you want some biblical principles and practices, you can find me on social media.
• 31:05
  Teresa Hargrove: All of it is my ministry name, which is why not men.
• 31:08
  Teresa Hargrove: Uh that's the letter Y-N-O-T-M-I-N.
• 31:10
  Teresa Hargrove: On Facebook, I am Teresa Hargrove.
• 31:13
  Teresa Hargrove: On Instagram, it is at why not men.
• 31:15
  Teresa Hargrove: And also on TikTok, it's why not men.
• 31:19
  Teresa Hargrove: So you can find me all of those places.
• 31:21
  Teresa Hargrove: If I have anything coming up, it's already there.
• 31:25
  Teresa Hargrove: And so, yeah, that's where you can find me.
• 31:28
  Teresa Hargrove: Um, doing whatever the Lord wants me to do.
• 31:30
  Teresa Hargrove: So I am excited for this time.
• 31:32
  Teresa Hargrove: Thank you so much for having me.
• 31:35
  Teresa Hargrove: This has been wonderful.
• 31:37
  Constance Lavonice: Thank you.
• 31:37
  Constance Lavonice: Thank you, Teresa.
• 31:38
  Constance Lavonice: And I'm gonna have your information listed in the description.
• 31:42
  Constance Lavonice: So if you wanted to contact um Teresa, you can.
• 31:45
  Constance Lavonice: And I just thank you for coming and sharing with our audience today.
• 31:50
  Constance Lavonice: And for our audience, subscribe, share with a friend.
• 31:56
  Constance Lavonice: And if you love this episode, leave a review so more women can find whole heart conversations.