Transcript

Emotional Ambush · Wanzology

Emotional Ambush Heaven! I am in heaven. Somebody. Hi. What's happening? Welcome to 2026 Y'all. Just when you thought it was safe to go back out into the world, it turns out it's another year full of new challenges, full of new opportunities, and God only knows what else! This is the first episode of WANZOLOGY in 2026!! I thank you for tuning in. I am your host, The Wanz and man, am I glad the holidays are over. Ooh, you can never, ever, ever underestimate how blatantly dangerous the holidays can be emotionally. Emotionally, they can be a mind field, a mine field, and if you're not careful, you're gonna make one step or turn one way or the other and boom, you emotional state is blown to bits!! Only compounding the devastating stress and anxiety that goes along with the holidays. Now, there was a, well, not, there was, now there's a friend of mine who I've known for a very, very, very long time, and this person was friends with another, was friends with, uh, their ex and they had been friends for a long time 'cause they had gone out for a long time. Right. So, you know, realizing his limitations, he knew that he wasn't gonna be everything that she needed, so he kind of stepped away, but they both agreed that they would be very close friends, that each was very important in the other's life and that just because the romanticism was gone, that didn't mean that the friendship was also gone. Now, needless to say, things were going great! I mean, you could see pictures on social media. They both have smiles and they're having a good time taking road trips together and you know, sometimes they catch a meal together or they, you know, they do things right? So about, I don't know, two months ago, I guess, two months ago, I guess, he says, you know, something's not quite right, the communication is off. All of a sudden, what used to be detailed, uh, detailed depictions or, you know, informational sessions about, “How was your day?”, well, it used to be detailed information that was shared on both sides, and he noticed that there was a huge drop off. He also noticed that, you know, it was a long, long time sometimes before he was replied to. And also, you know, it was evident, well, no, it wasn't. So this went on and, you know, all of a sudden it's like, “Hey, well let's, why don't we get together and do this?”, uh, the answer was, “Well, I'm not sure. Um, I don't know if I'll be in town.” “Oh, okay. Well, I sent you an invite to go to dinner and I hadn't gotten an answer yet.” “Yeah. Um, uh, uh, I'm not available.” Now, at that point, my friend says, “I knew something was up, I just really was hoping it wasn't what I thought it was.”, but it turned out that's exactly what it was. What had happened was his ex, this person he is not in a relationship with, had found someone else through the dating process that they were getting sweet on. That's no sin, that was expected. I mean, she's a great person and you know, he's, I kind of admire him for his courage to even sticking around to wanna be friends with someone that romantically, he, he, you know, it wasn't working. It just was proving to me that, you know, you can be friends on, on so many levels. So once it was confirmed that this exact thing, was going down. My friend comes to me and says, “You know, I don't understand, I thought we were going to be really good friends. I thought we were gonna be close. I thought we were important in each other's lives, and I don't understand why if there was the potential for someone to find, if there was the potential for my good friend to stumble upon something they thought was promising for them, why wouldn't they share it with me? Why wouldn't they tell me? Why would they take away the opportunity for me to be supportive and happy for them and to still be a, you know, a sounding board or, or how friends do just be there for your friend?”, and I didn't know what to say. I had no idea what to say. I had to remind him, “You know, you're not responsible for other people's decisions, you're only responsible for yours.” He didn't like that very much, so it led to him totally detaching from that person because in order for him to heal, it was obvious, despite belief, despite hope, it was obvious that he couldn't tolerate being, um, what's a good word for it, he wasn't lied to as much as he, he, he, I mean, he felt like he was lied to, but I don't think it was intentional, I just think that the consideration of how he would feel took a backseat, and I don't know about you. I really try hard not to treat my friends like that. I'd rather be upfront and honest with my friends rather than, uh, I don't know what to tell 'em. I shouldn't tell 'em. Maybe I'll wait and tell 'em, or maybe they don't need to know and you know, they're in danger or whatever. They're in danger or they're walking down a wrong path and or they shouldn't care so much or they should be aware of such people and they shouldn't take that job, whatever the advice is, right. But that's just me. What he has gone through is what I call emotional ambush. You're expecting the holidays to be something, something pleasurable, something joyous and close family and friends and celebratory, and when it's not, it can pretty much put a damper on the whole holiday season as a, you know, put, put a damper on the whole holiday season. So, I don't know what my friend is going to do, but I wanted to tell the story so that you, in case you find yourself in a similar position with a friend and that friend all of a sudden changes their communication patterns, don't keep it to yourself. If you suspect something and you're wrong, that's one thing, but if you su suspect, if you suspect something, and you're right, that's another thing. If you're wrong, you can own that and apologize. If you're not wrong, well, there's a part of me that says, bad on that other person, and you don't have to have them in your world. Now if the other person apologizes and cops to it, that's a whole different conversation. But to just kind of, not masquerade, I mean, you know, it's that other person's life, they can do whatever they want, but you can't tell someone that they are one thing and then treat them like they're another. And if you don't realize you're doing that, maybe you weren't friends to begin with. Not those type of friends, not good friends, not close friends. Acquaintances do that. So I feel real bad for my friend. He's going to be okay. I mean, we all survive everything, right? That's how we got here. I heard, uh, I heard someone say, “You know, you have to realize that at this point you have survived every horrible thing that has happened to you in your life, and yet here you are.”, which is true. Now some things keep coming around, like my pops used to tell me, “Those lessons not learned in life will be repeated.”, and you know, sometimes I think I'm not very smart, in fact, I know I'm not very smart 'cause I make the same mistake all the time. I overestimate how someone feels about me when I have to remember how they feel about me is none of my business. How someone feels about you is none of your business. How you feel about yourself now, that's what matters. Can you exist? On your own by yourself completely devoid of needing, the needing of like a close confidant or a good friend or an acquaintance? You know how people say, “You know, my shrink is my bartender.”? Well, what happens if you're bartender…what happens if you don't drink and you don't have a bartender? Maybe it's your hairstylist or barber, but everybody has someone and people who don't have someone, I'm not sure I can trust them because they are left to their own devices. Now granted, they may be so self-knowledge filled that they know themselves enough to know when they're out of bounds or you know, to be aware of when they've overstepped a boundary or this, that and the other, most people aren't like that. Most people have at least one person that they tell everything to, their ‘BFF’. I'm not sure that BFF is good or bad? I mean, I think it's good. I think it's really good to have a ‘BFF’. I think it's really good to have someone in your life who will call bullshit on anything that you do, because they care more about you, because they care more about you than your feelings. You are more important than your feelings, and a good friend will tell you that. A good friend will never lie to you. A good friend will tell you, “Yeah, your butt looks big in them jeans!”, or “You really need to take a shower 'cause your BO is killing it, and everybody around!!”, or “That's a crappy hairstyle on you. The John Travolta 1975 look is just not in.”, whatever it is. They will tell you anything because it's true, not because they're trying to get over on you or manipulate you or anything, they see you differently than you see yourself because eyes only see out. Eyes don't see in eyes only see out. And what they see they tell you about. That's the cool thing about judgment that no one talks about. Everybody doesn't want to be, they're so afraid of being judged. No one wants to be judged. You ever stop to think that maybe someone sees something that you don't, that you really need to pay attention to, and that maybe if you address that something, your life would improve? It's possible. I like criticism, constructive or otherwise, I'll take what I need and I'll leave the rest, which is what I suggest most people do. There are some things, there are some truths that are hidden in generalities, they're hidden in opinions and judgements, but you have to be, uh, entrenched deep in your self-knowledge, your sense of self in order to be able to tell the difference so that you can take what you can use and leave the rest behind. Emotional ambush. Sometimes they're good things, you walk into a room, you know, well, the, the quintessential emotional ambush that is pleasurable, you get home from wherever you're at. You notice all that your, all your lights are off and. Huh? You, you didn't remember leaving all the lights off, but you put the key in the door and you open the door and you walk in the door and as soon as you close the door, the lights come on and there's a whole bunch of people there yelling, SURPRISE!! Maybe it's your birthday, maybe it's retirement day, Maybe you won an award, maybe you got engaged, maybe you got married, maybe you had a child. It could be anything but that kind of emotional, that kind of emotional ambush. Now that kind, but that kind of emotional ambush, usually turns out to be a pleasurable thing that you wanna revel in and you don't forget as opposed to the other, like my friend went through 'cause man, I talked to him. I've talked to him a a couple of times and you know, he's not broken, It's just odd that, you know, for the second time in two years, he's been in the same situation with the same person and the same thing has happened and he feels the same way. He feels deceived and that may be a misperception on his part. It might, it, it might be. But that doesn't discount how he feels. And when somebody in your life that is close does something like that, does something hurtful to you, you don't just pick right back up where you left off. I mean, you gotta process that stuff. You gotta feel those feelings. And I think that's what he's, I think that's what he's going through right now. And you know, maybe, maybe by Valentine's Day he'll be better. Maybe, who knows? Maybe by MLK's birthday he'll be better. Maybe by Easter or Memorial Day or the 4th of July, maybe he'll never be better. I hope that's not the case. We are all inherently good people. We do the best that we can and we need to try to forgive each other like we would forgive ourselves. I mean, remember, we're only human, we're not perfect and we make mistakes. But I've noticed over the last four or five years. There's a difference between people who admit their mistake, try to make it right, and those who obfuscate or deflect or make excuses for their behavior. For me, that's a tell. That's a tell that I can't trust them and I don't think you should either. 'cause you might value what they tell you and what they tell you may have a different consideration than the one that you hope it has for you? Emotional ambush. How do you know it's going to happen? More times than not, you don't. Hence, it's an ambush. You're surprised by behavior that you didn't see coming, or actions that you never thought could come from wherever they came from. It's an ambush, so treat it like such. Defend yourself as best you can, and if it happens, you know, retrace your steps of how you got to that position and try never to do those things again. That's all I can say. Welcome to the new year! Full of new hope, new opportunities, new disappointments, new everything. Here's the catch, none of it is really that new. You've been through a lot of things and you may see them repeated. Remember, Pops always said, “Those lessons not learned in life will be repeated.”, so don't get angry at who's whoever, don't get angry at whoever's trying to teach you something. Even if they judge you, you might need that information to make change, to lead you to a more positive existence…really. Cool, man!! That's all I got!! Let's get on with this new year and you know, take chances. Take chances, make mistakes, and learn from those mistakes as much as you learn from the successes. That's really how we get through life. Remember, we don't learn how to walk. We just learn how not to fall down as much anymore. I am Wanz, HEY, I'll see ya next week! Thanks for listening!!! Peace!!!