Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / How To Not Fuck Up Father's Day

Transcript

How To Not Fuck Up Father's Day · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi, everyone, and welcome to the dr.
• 0:07
  Psych mom show, today, we are going to talk about how not to
• 0:11
  fuck up Father's Day because I had a post on how not to fuck up
• 0:15
  Mother's Day. And so I had a request about
• 0:18
  that and we will dive into that right in time for Father's day.
• 0:24
  But first, I must tell you all to subscribe because I have Lots
• 0:28
  close to 50 episodes and it's a whole variety of Besides that I
• 0:35
  have and the most recent one that I recorded that's going to
• 0:40
  be coming out soon. As what type of marital
• 0:42
  interactions outside the bedroom lead to sexless marriages and
• 0:46
  then I have the one on why we hate certain people and traits
• 0:49
  and I have like loads of others including oral sex on women say
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  it with me, okay? So let's just jump into the
• 0:58
  Father's Day one. So this is going to be a lot
• 1:01
  shorter than the Mother's Day one because there's all sorts of
• 1:03
  ways. This is good.
• 1:05
  Has shocked. You male listeners.
• 1:07
  You got to sit down. There are lots of ways to make
• 1:11
  women upset. Oh my god.
• 1:13
  Did anybody pass out? That was a shock but you here I
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  am to tell you that that's okay. Because now we're through
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  Mother's Day, you don't have to do that again for another 11
• 1:23
  months. And even if you did fuck up,
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  hopefully you have remediated that situation by now in some
• 1:28
  way. And we can move on to what women
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  would like I Assume that both genders are going to listen to
• 1:38
  this but if not then menu could send this to your wife.
• 1:41
  If you have the balls what do men want for Father's Day?
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  So I got a cute answer from a subscriber that requested this
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  he said oh we really just want appreciation that's a cute
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  answer that's wrong though. No I'm gonna disagree as you
• 2:01
  know any man understands women really are not Shy about that.
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  So I'm going to disagree with this man's lived experience and
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  I'm going to build on it. He could correct me if I'm
• 2:11
  wrong. Men.
• 2:12
  Also would like to get laid, they want the appreciation, but
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  they would really like to get laid for Father's Day and you
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  could say, but this doesn't have to do with the children except
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  in the most technical sense such that, that is how they were
• 2:25
  created. But also like, what is like,
• 2:28
  going to a spa alone have to do for Mother's Day and plenty of
• 2:32
  women, want that? So it seems like plenty of
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  people. Want recognition.
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  That is not just in the form of appreciation.
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  Quote, unquote from the children.
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  The kids honestly are nice like most of the time.
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  They're really maybe, they're annoying, but especially most
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  dads don't really have a lot of problems with their kids.
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  They kids are nice, like the kids, some of them are more
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  annoying than others. Well, whatever you know, they're
• 3:00
  my kids. So, you know, I mean it's not
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  like men have this deep yearning for like it's a lie.
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  A lot of like a poetic and tearful recognition.
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  And the way that mothers, you know, like I was just that my
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  kids 5th grade graduation and this boy, they all had to say
• 3:15
  something. They were thankful for and this
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  boy said I'm grateful for my mother because when I get sick
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  she's so nice to me. I didn't, I hear one kid say
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  that they were grateful only for their father, either.
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  They said their mother and their father, or they just said their
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  mother because, you know, women love that and kids Up on that.
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  Very young. Women love the big recognition
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  in that way of being like this wonderful parent because it's
• 3:43
  like, super hard to be a mom. I would say Harder by any
• 3:48
  physiological measure. Certainly that to be a dad at
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  least in the fact that you literally have to carry the
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  child. Push them out of your body and
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  deal with all the physical repercussions thereafter,
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  including breastfeeding. So, even that in and of itself
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  leaving, if we just close the book there, it's harder.
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  So Fine. So then and also women are more,
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  you know, their moods go up and down more.
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  So they have more chance when the mood is on its way up around
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  its way down to disagree, with the children and have conflict
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  with that. So, men usually do not need
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  their children to deeply and meaningfully verbally recognize
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  their contribution. It would be nice.
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  It's cute. But it isn't something that
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  they're going to cry if they don't get.
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  And so this is why sure, help. The Write out some cute little
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  stuff about why I love Daddy. And it's free to, by the way.
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  The second gift is free. The one that I'll focus on in a
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  second, the getting laid is free, but yes, have them write
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  out some little think about why we love daddy, that's cute.
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  Every man is going to like that. You do not need to go get a new
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  anything, you don't need to spend money.
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  So I don't even need any examples, unless the guys super
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  big and to gift, I even still the Only thing that they usually
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  want is like the handmade stuff and some written out stuff about
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  why we love Dad. And then like going out to eat
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  or some cute sort of family activity, that's from the kids.
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  And then from you is the getting laid part and that has as much
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  to do with the damn children as a spa day does which is to say
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  it doesn't have to do with the kids but there are not very many
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  holidays in the world that are Just For Men, you know.
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  So there's not very many holidays that are just for
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  women. Are you know, Valentine's Day
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  women get one more and in many relationships, that's two
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  things. You know, people go back, you
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  know, get each other something for Valentine's Day.
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  So we want to think about in this is a very good time to say
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  how can you empathize use any sort of Celebration or holiday
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  as a time to empathize with your partner and really put yourself
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  in their position. So for the majority of men with
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  a physical touch / sex love Language.
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  They want to get laid on Father's Day and they would
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  appreciate even more. If you did not act like this was
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  a massive sacrifice a kin to, you know, that you are Joan of
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  Arc. You know, when you are martyring
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  yourself for the cause and rather in fact that it is some
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  sort of fun light-hearted, potentially even adventurous or
• 6:24
  different sexual experience, which is what they would really
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  like the most and I could refer you to my blowjob podcast which
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  is so shocking that that is the one that's Listen to over a
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  thousand times which is twice as much as most of my other
• 6:40
  episodes. So again, you have to sit down
• 6:44
  for that shock. I should have warned you in
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  advance. But yes, people like to listen
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  to how to give a blow job big surprise.
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  Actually I think the men are listening to it and trying to
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  send it to their women. So, but those women are not
• 6:57
  listening to it. Otherwise it would be listened
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  to even more but maybe some of them are.
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  So my point is use any sort. Out of Celebration, as I
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  discussed on Mother's Day. We're always trying to empathize
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  with what the person really wants versus what you think they
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  should want. So like you could go get a bunch
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  of ties and socks and t-shirts and that's all good.
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  If it's if it's like in addition to what the person really really
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  want. Now there are women in the world
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  that will spend any amount of money not to have sex with their
• 7:30
  husbands and this is not a joke and you know, it's not a joke.
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  If you're Situation. So you'll get something insane
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  from your wife, like tickets to some tremendous like game or
• 7:41
  concert or some shit. That was like, you know,
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  hundreds of dollars and it still doesn't make you feel that love.
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  That mean it's nice. It's nice that she remembers
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  what band you like or whatever. But I mean you might really want
• 7:53
  physical connection even more. The best Father's Day present
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  would be a commitment to focusing on the sex life for
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  most men again, not all men, right?
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  Hashtag, Not all men. And so some men don't care.
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  You know, when the woman is the higher libido partner but in the
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  common situation that I see if you wrote a nice Father's Day
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  card. Thank you so much.
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  You're such a good father to our kids and also I am committing
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  for this to be June to be a month of sex.
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  Girl, you're like halfway through June so we did not going
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  to kill you. So I think that that would be a
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  very good present that a lot of guys.
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  Like and now you could say but what about the all these stupid
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  gifts that I bought? Keep them give them for
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  Christmas, give them for Father's Day, do whatever you
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  want. But the point is not enough
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  people use celebrations as a time to really deeply empathize
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  with what the other person wants.
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  In a worst case that is common. Unfortunately these holidays are
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  used as some sort of performative like play acting
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  with The children, and even extended family, and even social
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  media friends as observers, you know?
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  So like you could like, say, oh, look what we did for Father's
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  Day. Like, here we are.
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  We are, we are at brunch. Here's like all the kids.
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  Cute gifts. Here's the, should I made out of
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  paper mache and like, everybody thinks y'all are happy and your
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  actual husband is disappointed. Because in order to create all
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  of this day, you were stressed out.
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  You were tired. You were wrangling the Family,
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  you were calling, you know, whoever your mother, his mother,
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  whoever to get the whole family together for Father's Day or
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  whatever and they don't care, they would have been happy with
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  a blow job. So happier happier by a large
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  percent, and if you don't think that this is true, I invite you
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  to ask your husband and if your husband says to you.
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  No, no, I love the gift. I love the gifts from the kids
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  are so cute. It's funny though, like, I mean,
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  you know the funny part. I guess it was like, I mean, I'm
• 10:06
  not gonna lie, I would be nice. But no, of course, I like the
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  paper mache bullshit garbage. Yes.
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  Then that means I'm correct. So that would be your test, and
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  then I'm right. And don't bust your ass on any
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  of the crazy stuff for the personalized, gifts, or
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  whatever. Unless it's an add-on to
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  something that really makes your husband feel happy.
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  And if you are in a situation where, you know, that Feels
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  unhappy with the sex life, then it would be even more important.
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  Now, if you're in the situation where you say, but we are we
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  have a wonderful sex life, we have sex some most days out of
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  the week will then try to do something different and special
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  for Father's Day. Like, remember the blowjob
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  podcast or like any other thing you can ask him what would be
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  your special desire for Father's Day?
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  And he is trained. Well, so he'll say hi would
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  really love some paper. Mache shit from the Kid and you
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  say no no we're talking for real now what would you actually like
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  and then he may tell you if you say like in the sexual realm I
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  mean for some people you got to spell it out.
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  See if y'all don't ever talk about sex he'll feel like you
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  you know he don't even know what to say.
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  So what you have to do here and in all sorts of situations,
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  where there is a gift involved, is to think about the gift that
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  would actually make your spouse happy.
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  Now, remember, there is no one in the world.
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  I have an actual podcast out for Mother's day, so you should go
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  listen to that one. If you need to, if this is
• 11:40
  listening to this at a different time which I do hope these
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  podcast episodes are ever grade and people will be listening to
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  them for Millennia to come. But just in case, you know,
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  you're listening to it in, you know, six months from now, do
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  not listen to this and try to do the inverse for Mother's Day.
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  Don't say boy, I'm going to give her some real A+ cunnilingus.
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  No you're going to end up divorced.
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  So this I have an episode about Mother's Day, do not do this for
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  Mother's Day. This is for Father's Day and if
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  you are a man that's listening to this podcast and it's not
• 12:16
  about you and you really don't want sex.
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  In fact that you would you would say man sex would take away time
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  from really appreciating the paper mache shit.
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  Make sure to tell that to your wife so she doesn't somehow mess
• 12:31
  up and give you a blow job that you don't want but back To
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  reality because that is a, that is that that's a different
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  planet that doesn't exist. If this resonates with you,
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  share it with your spouse, you know?
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  And say like what's the fun? Cool sexy thing that you would
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  want to do on Father's Day or your upcoming birthday, or Arbor
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  Day or whatever day you decide to celebrate.
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  And this means remember I can't say this enough to be good
• 13:00
  giving and game as Dan. Savage says technically good
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  open. Minded and generous is the ideal
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  for a sexual partner. And if you would like to really
• 13:12
  understand whether you have been this, you know, then say to your
• 13:16
  spouse, which of those, do you think I'm best at good giving or
• 13:20
  game? Whichever one they say you suck
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  at the other one, you know? I mean really, like the thing
• 13:27
  just does a global sort of macro thing to get out of all these
• 13:31
  podcasts, are people have to talk more, they really have to
• 13:34
  talk to one. They're openly more or they're
• 13:36
  going to be miserable because they're going to be talking past
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  each other and giving each other paper.
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  Mache shit instead of blow jobs and this sort of Disconnect will
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  really erode the marriage long-term.
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  Not that anyone thinks that the paper mache thing is not very
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  cute, but it does not come from the woman's heart.
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  It comes from the heart of the five year old who's making paper
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  mache, and that is really cute too, but also, it is really not
• 14:03
  a present from the The wife. And as I say with Mother's Day,
• 14:07
  it can't just be random shit from the kids that they made at
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  school. She's going to know that, you
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  know, she wants. Some other thing that is really
• 14:15
  meaningful to her and makes her feel appreciated and thing that
• 14:19
  makes men feel appreciated is sex and if you don't like that,
• 14:22
  then it's hard to be heterosexual, you know, because
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  as I say two, men was men say that they don't like something.
• 14:28
  That's about the majority of women.
• 14:29
  It's like tough luck, you're straight.
• 14:31
  You know, I mean you're a straight guys.
• 14:33
  You're gonna have to deal with that.
• 14:34
  They like to Or like, whatever, you know.
• 14:37
  So, take from this, what you can have fun on Father's Day.
• 14:41
  Hopefully, and do keep telling me your requests, especially if
• 14:46
  you're a subscriber. And if you are a woman who
• 14:49
  receives this podcast, then, and you right back, haha, LOL.
• 14:53
  That was funny, like, it wasn't meant to be funny.
• 14:58
  It was meant to be real, but he just doesn't know how to tell
• 15:01
  you that. And sure he should work on being
• 15:03
  a lot more, proactive and a Better communicator, but if he's
• 15:06
  trying to send you a podcast, take it as for real.
• 15:09
  Same as if, by the way, if you're a man who gets my podcast
• 15:12
  or my posts from a woman and it's something like, you know,
• 15:15
  ten reasons, your husband such an asshole, really she's not
• 15:18
  sending it to randomly. It wasn't a random post
• 15:21
  generator. She really wants you to
• 15:23
  introspect about the contents of that particular article and I
• 15:28
  hope that you guys all enjoyed this podcast and that you
• 15:32
  subscribe and Happy Father's Day.
• 15:34
  Stay in advance.