Latest / Camp Classics / Mortal Kombat (1995)

Transcript

Mortal Kombat (1995) · Camp Classics

• 0:00
  Get away from her, you bitch. Classic.
• 0:05
  He was in the Amazon my mom when she was researching spiders
• 0:09
  right before she died. No.
• 0:13
  Hannah, you thought you can't prostitute your.
• 0:17
  Dog at it I. Used to love doggy chow I used.
• 0:22
  To love doggy chow too. I trust one person on this
• 0:26
  planet and you're talking to her.
• 0:28
  I'm Crystal. Oh yeah, finish him.
• 0:35
  Oh, finish him. Not really.
• 0:37
  Finish him. I'm baby lame.
• 0:41
  And welcome to Camp Classics. A thoughtful podcast about
• 0:46
  stupid movies. I want everything I ever watch
• 0:56
  to start with that song. I don't like straight for off
• 0:59
  the gate as well. Like no, no Lucy.
• 1:02
  Don't, don't warm us up for it. Just go in hard.
• 1:07
  I feel like this is just one of your DJ sets as well as honestly
• 1:10
  like Mortal Kombat. Honestly, that song, the impact
• 1:14
  that song has had on my life. I think the reason I am a DJ is
• 1:17
  because of that song. Is it maybe one of the best
• 1:22
  songs that has ever been in a movie?
• 1:26
  I think you need to calm down. I think, I think you need to,
• 1:30
  you need to calm yourself. I think this song, the blade
• 1:35
  blood rave song and the orgy scene in the matrix, those songs
• 1:41
  have a lot to answer for. And then on the flip side, I'm
• 1:44
  thinking what are my favorite songs in the movie as well?
• 1:47
  I will always love you Celine Dions.
• 1:51
  What's the one she did from that?
• 1:53
  Because you love me. I'm I'm more on that kind of
• 1:57
  tip, I think. A ballad.
• 1:59
  A romantic, a feelings, Yeah. No, I think that's where.
• 2:03
  I'm I want tech bro, techno mask pills, muscles.
• 2:12
  Fucking hell, she's on one tonight.
• 2:15
  I've just, I've just been watching Mortal Kombat 2, so
• 2:20
  I'm, I'm really deep right now. There's no hope for me or my
• 2:25
  brain. Thanks.
• 2:26
  Syphilis. What do we do here?
• 2:28
  Every two weeks we pick a stupid movie and we talk gay shit about
• 2:32
  it and we try and find out if it's camp or not.
• 2:35
  But if every two weeks is not enough for you, we do have a gay
• 2:38
  Trion where we release a bonus episode every month.
• 2:41
  And I would like to shout out our new Gay Trion members,
• 2:44
  Isabel, Kate, Diego and Courtney.
• 2:50
  Oh, I like the way you gave it some reverb.
• 2:52
  You were like shuddering on Courtney.
• 2:55
  How What do we think? What do we think their
• 2:56
  backstories are? Because I quite like to kind of,
• 2:58
  you know, where do we think Isabelle comes from?
• 3:01
  Like what's her vibe? What's her energy?
• 3:03
  Is she quite low key? I think she might be a low key
• 3:06
  camp lover. I think she joined because of
• 3:10
  House of Wax, which is our last movie, so I think she's a Paris
• 3:14
  lover. Well, we've also lost her if
• 3:17
  she's listened to that episode. I would just suggest that
• 3:20
  anybody that is tempted but not quite sure about whether they
• 3:23
  should join the gate train just do it to listen to what Crystal
• 3:27
  divulged about herself. Look, if you've ever.
• 3:30
  It was a very personal medical I've I basically felt like I was
• 3:36
  Crystal's gynaecologist. If you've ever wondered about
• 3:42
  the size or status of my testicles, you know what the gay
• 3:47
  trion is right there for you. Yeah, yeah, it was.
• 3:50
  It was a lot. It was a lot that episode.
• 3:53
  Tell that to my balls. Thanks, Syphilis.
• 3:56
  Also spoiler alert if you are a fan of Paris Hilton.
• 3:58
  Also don't listen to that episode because Crystal gives it
• 4:03
  to her. She gets it, she gets it hard.
• 4:06
  You read her to filth, boots down.
• 4:08
  Our problematic Princess the Gatron is £4 a month.
• 4:13
  You get the bonus episodes, our back catalog and you can sign up
• 4:18
  on Patreon directly, which would be our preference.
• 4:20
  Or you can click the locked episode on your Apple or Spotify
• 4:24
  feeds. And if you don't want a bonus
• 4:27
  episode, that's all right, but just make sure you're giving
• 4:29
  this podcast a follow wherever you happen to be listening.
• 4:32
  Yeah, we want to kind of infect. I think it's time to infect the
• 4:36
  nation and the world. Yeah, I think so.
• 4:39
  I think so. Because even like with this
• 4:41
  podcast, I was doing some research and there was some
• 4:43
  fucking snobby podcasts out there.
• 4:45
  There really are. It's like, get over yourselves.
• 4:49
  Yeah. Like I won't name names, but I
• 4:51
  was listening to 1 today and I was just like get over
• 4:53
  yourselves. Was it?
• 4:55
  How did this get made? Yes, yeah, that is I think how
• 5:02
  did this get made is the straight successful version of
• 5:05
  our show. OK, OK.
• 5:09
  But, you know, sadly very successful.
• 5:11
  Yeah, yeah. And we're not.
• 5:14
  Oh well. Lol lol no but we are building a
• 5:18
  little community here and that's what we love.
• 5:20
  Obviously the gay Tron is growing strong.
• 5:22
  We also had some feedback our friend Michael.
• 5:25
  Oh, great. Hi, Michael.
• 5:27
  Our friend Michael got all in his feelings after our scream
• 5:31
  coverage. Oh God, of course she did.
• 5:34
  Yeah, I'm eye roll. Can you hear me?
• 5:36
  Eye roll? I don't know if there's a sound
• 5:38
  effect. They can, but I'm literally like
• 5:41
  a mechanical eye roll. It's like.
• 5:46
  This is what he said. What on earth you hate Scream?
• 5:49
  You guys were dissecting it like Siskel and Ebert.
• 5:52
  I'm just saying you're giving serious film podcast meets woke
• 5:56
  podcast before you were giving camp podcast.
• 6:00
  Wow. Savage.
• 6:04
  Wow. Look, someone was just very
• 6:08
  upset to hear us not lick Neve Campbell's anus.
• 6:14
  Also, if we awoke, then I accept that Piers Morgan Michael is
• 6:20
  basically Piers Morgan, so thanks for that.
• 6:23
  I'm sorry if queer people are woke.
• 6:25
  And sorry if we have, you know, opinions.
• 6:27
  We're not just gay clowns for your amusement.
• 6:30
  Sometimes we have thoughts. Sorry if we're drag Queens that
• 6:34
  are calling out misogyny and violence.
• 6:37
  Stop silencing women. I would also just like to say
• 6:41
  Scream is one of those movies where everyone's like, oh,
• 6:44
  that's a camp film when they haven't watched it for 10 years.
• 6:47
  And then if they watch it, they're like, oh, actually, it's
• 6:49
  not actually quite as funny as I remember.
• 6:51
  And that is a fact. Yeah.
• 6:52
  And when people do recommend films, there are a few of those
• 6:56
  where, yes, we are all guilty of believing they are camp.
• 7:00
  When we've suggested some films for this, we've been like, oh
• 7:03
  lol, let's watch this. And then we've been like, what
• 7:05
  the fuck are we doing watching this movie?
• 7:07
  So and. Also, if I recall correctly, I
• 7:09
  think we gave scream like on the Merrill's a very high score.
• 7:14
  It's a good movie. It's a good movie.
• 7:16
  We like part. We like part.
• 7:19
  Of history, Let me tell you terms of horror cinema.
• 7:21
  Let me tell you what we gave it. Just you tell me.
• 7:25
  Can you tell me? Can you tell?
• 7:26
  This feedback really got me. We gave it an 8.
• 7:33
  An 8 Merrills. And five Lizers, it's fine.
• 7:36
  That's like. Yeah, It's Down the Middle is
• 7:38
  not a camp classic. Nobody is.
• 7:42
  Liza Minnelli is not lining up for a remake of Scream.
• 7:49
  The costume, the cost. There's not even a camp costume
• 7:52
  in it. No, no, there is.
• 7:54
  There's GAIL Weathers in her yellow skirt suit.
• 7:57
  But I mean, it's, it's not, it's not a screamer, is it?
• 8:00
  It's just like. I think, I think GAIL Weathers
• 8:03
  stand alone. She is.
• 8:05
  She is very cap. Why are we talking about Nevada
• 8:08
  Campbell films ever? I've said I didn't want to do it
• 8:10
  anymore and here she is be. Careful, you'll kill her.
• 8:13
  Yes, God. Yeah, but I guess the lesson is
• 8:16
  to either listeners, if you negus we will reply to your
• 8:19
  comment, so please don't. And also we are the ones that
• 8:23
  rate this. And quite frankly, if you want
• 8:25
  to come up with your own Camp Classics podcast, do it.
• 8:29
  You'll probably be more successful.
• 8:31
  I'm. Trying to think of like a spin
• 8:33
  off but I can't think of 1 so there you go.
• 8:36
  Yeah, because there isn't one. There isn't.
• 8:37
  Yeah, good luck. Yeah, I think.
• 8:39
  We're basically the only podcast actually where 2 gay people talk
• 8:43
  about movies so. Totally unique, completely not
• 8:46
  ever been done before. The other thing I want to say is
• 8:48
  that obviously we're approaching the Christmas season and I did
• 8:52
  do a shout out on my Instagram for camp Christmas movie
• 8:55
  suggestions. Now, I've got a lot here.
• 8:57
  I've had a lot of, yeah, a lot of replies.
• 8:59
  I'm just going to read them out to you if anything jumps out to
• 9:01
  you. OK, Yeah.
• 9:02
  Muppets Christmas Carol. Meh.
• 9:05
  Die hard. Oh.
• 9:06
  Die hard. I know it's not camp, is it?
• 9:09
  No. No, it's, I think it's probably
• 9:11
  a good, I think it's a good movie, but I it's, it's not,
• 9:15
  it's not for us. And also as well, out of all of
• 9:17
  the films that we could be talking about, We're going to
• 9:19
  Die Hard next. No, no.
• 9:21
  Was that Michael? I bet Michael suggested that.
• 9:23
  Great idea, Michael. Batman Returns.
• 9:28
  Yes. Yeah, it's AI.
• 9:30
  Feel like that's the most obvious Christmas movie choice
• 9:32
  for this podcast. Yeah.
• 9:33
  And so as a result, part of me wants to go.
• 9:35
  Not yet. Yeah, OK.
• 9:37
  Because you like edging us. Yeah.
• 9:39
  Gremlins. OK.
• 9:40
  Yeah, yeah. Solid The Grinch.
• 9:43
  No, thank you. I don't, I just don't think so.
• 9:46
  Do you? I feel like it could get a bit.
• 9:48
  Mars Attacks, Yeah, that was a hard watch.
• 9:51
  Spice. Spice World is there Christmas
• 9:54
  in that? People just.
• 9:55
  Want us to do Spice World? Whatever.
• 9:59
  Whatever box I put on my Instagram, someone will type in
• 10:03
  spice. World, we need to just do spice
• 10:05
  world. It's more of a summer movie, I
• 10:06
  feel. OK, so that was on my Instagram.
• 10:12
  Great. So really.
• 10:13
  So basically you'll say no to all of the film.
• 10:15
  But then I, I also put it on the camp classics dedicated
• 10:18
  Instagram and I feel like just, I'll just tell you listeners
• 10:24
  that you're you're better than the general masses and we love
• 10:27
  of. Course they are.
• 10:28
  Of course they are. Some suggestions here included
• 10:31
  Bridget Jones's Diary, which, OK, that's.
• 10:33
  Which, OK, it's that's that's an interesting choice because it is
• 10:37
  like very hetero mainstream, but it's a bit old, it's a bit shit.
• 10:41
  So therefore it could be quite a left field choice that could
• 10:44
  actually be quite camp. I'm quite interested in that
• 10:47
  decision. OK, yes.
• 10:48
  Grease 2. Does Christmas feature in Grease
• 10:51
  2? No, but it's I love a sequel.
• 10:55
  It. Definitely has nothing to do
• 10:58
  with Christmas. There's not even a suggestion of
• 11:00
  snow. Right.
• 11:02
  OK, yeah. Mixed nuts.
• 11:04
  I don't know it. It's a Steve Martin bomb from
• 11:07
  the early 90s. Quite a stash.
• 11:09
  OK, sure. Yeah, Female trouble.
• 11:12
  Great show. Yes, great.
• 11:13
  Show. Great show, yeah.
• 11:15
  Eyes wide shut. I think that's quite a good
• 11:19
  shout too, I bet that. Is.
• 11:21
  I mean, I don't. Think as tits.
• 11:23
  I don't think I've watched it before so.
• 11:25
  Oh, it's basically just Tom Cruise being cocked for an hour
• 11:28
  and a half ground breaking. OK, Happy Christmas.
• 11:34
  And obviously it's like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman at
• 11:37
  their hottest. So yeah, yeah.
• 11:39
  OK. And then the last suggestion was
• 11:40
  Black Christmas, which I've never seen.
• 11:44
  OK, yeah, I've seen that. I don't know if it's Cam.
• 11:47
  Right. But no.
• 11:48
  But am I thinking the same film? I don't know.
• 11:51
  But there were some very good suggestions there.
• 11:54
  Yeah, and they're far more interesting than the basic pitch
• 11:57
  ones that your Instagram put out.
• 12:00
  My other suggestion was going to be it has nothing to do with
• 12:04
  Christmas, except they do go to an ice palace slash ice hotel
• 12:10
  and that is tomorrow. Never.
• 12:13
  No, Not Tomorrow never dies. Oh, it's a James Bond.
• 12:16
  It's the final Pierce Brosnan Bond movie starring Halle Berry
• 12:20
  and Madonna, and they go to an ice hotel.
• 12:23
  Now, it's not officially Christmas, but it is wintry.
• 12:26
  OK, OK. Yeah.
• 12:28
  There's an invisible car and Madonna fences.
• 12:32
  Yeah, I have never seen it. OK, but that sounds kind of fun.
• 12:35
  I'm going to throw in a basic one.
• 12:38
  Mean Girls. I guess it is Christmassy.
• 12:42
  Oh good shout. Just another one to think about.
• 12:45
  I mean, Mean Girls basically sponsors the entire sound board
• 12:48
  of this podcast. I could hear people getting
• 12:53
  bored with me, but I couldn't stop.
• 12:55
  Has Liza Minnelli ever been in a Christmas movie?
• 12:58
  Yeah, maybe we should check that out.
• 12:59
  Oh, and there was one more suggestion which I forgot to
• 13:01
  write down, which was Sextet, which is Mae West's final movie
• 13:06
  from 1978 starring Timothy Dalton, Dom de Louise, Ringo
• 13:11
  Starr, Alice Cooper. And it just looks like a big
• 13:15
  schmaltzy, like old school Hollywood starring Mae W
• 13:20
  Basically it looks campus fucking tits and it's and it was
• 13:22
  a huge bomb. OK, well that sounds good.
• 13:25
  I mean, as soon as she said Ringo star, I was like, The
• 13:28
  Beatles don't scream, doesn't scream camp.
• 13:30
  But Mae W not at the height of her powers, in the decline of
• 13:33
  her powers, which I think. Which is always a good place to
• 13:36
  go to. Yeah, Absolutely.
• 13:37
  Yeah. Maybe that's for the Gayatrion.
• 13:40
  Cool. Well, let's get into this movie.
• 13:42
  But before we go any further, baby, what does make a camp
• 13:45
  classic? Well, a camp classic is
• 13:49
  something that needs to unlock queer joy.
• 13:52
  In the words of the iconic Megan Fox, we want to have a wedding.
• 13:59
  She doesn't say it like that. It needs to be stupid.
• 14:02
  A camp classic should not take itself too seriously, it needs
• 14:05
  to have an ongoing legacy and should inform queer pop culture.
• 14:09
  And ultimately we want something anti mainstream.
• 14:11
  That's right, floppity flop flop flop flop flop underground
• 14:15
  vibes. Because we like reclaiming that
• 14:18
  shit and we don't like to see people succeed.
• 14:21
  As gay people, we are bitter, yes, and we like failure,
• 14:25
  correct? It's a lot about rage and
• 14:28
  trauma. Rage and trauma colliding.
• 14:32
  What is your history with Mortal Kombat?
• 14:37
  Sorry. I just played the computer game
• 14:39
  a bit. Do you know what I mean?
• 14:41
  I don't remember. I don't think I ever watched
• 14:43
  this movie. I think I watched because it
• 14:45
  sort of came out the same time Street Fighter, didn't it?
• 14:48
  And I think I watched that and I think I was really disappointed
• 14:50
  in that. I I probably would enjoy that
• 14:52
  now, but I was disappointed that Kylie wasn't Chung Lee, which
• 14:55
  obviously now cultural appropriation.
• 14:57
  Oh sorry Michael, am I being too woke?
• 15:02
  Sorry, woke watch. Let's have an alarm bell
• 15:05
  whenever we're to woke on this podcast.
• 15:07
  God forbid. What about you?
• 15:13
  I knew you'd enjoy that. I I'm unfortunately have to
• 15:19
  reveal that this is probably one of the movies I've seen the most
• 15:21
  in my entire life. In your entire life.
• 15:27
  I realized watching it. That is such a statement of your
• 15:31
  entire. Life.
• 15:33
  It's just a guess because you know when you're 10 and you've
• 15:36
  got something on VHS, you'll just watch it every day.
• 15:39
  Yeah, yeah. That's true.
• 15:40
  That's true. And so I I did.
• 15:43
  I did. I mean, I was obsessed with the
• 15:44
  video game. I was obsessed with this concept
• 15:48
  when it came out. I Remember Me and my friend
• 15:50
  snuck in to see it because we were too young.
• 15:53
  We bought tickets to see a kid in King Arthur's court and it
• 15:56
  was like my first, like, breaking the rules, you know?
• 16:01
  Yeah. I thought it was so awesome.
• 16:06
  I just thought it was the best thing I'd ever seen and well, I
• 16:12
  don't feel that way and quite so strongly anymore.
• 16:16
  But I was delighted to rewatch it.
• 16:18
  So, so happy. But also you are like, I'm just
• 16:22
  gagging as I say, you're, you're a bit of a gamer, aren't you?
• 16:28
  You're one of those actually. Oh no, we love it.
• 16:31
  I don't want to like feel like maybe half of of you
• 16:33
  listenership might be on that train as well.
• 16:35
  I definitely have some of those tendencies for sure.
• 16:38
  There's a sliding tours moment that could have happened for me
• 16:41
  where I went full in cell after watching this movie.
• 16:47
  Never left home, just stayed up all night playing Diablo and
• 16:52
  Mortal Kombat in my goon cave. You know that didn't happen.
• 16:59
  But I like watching this movie because it's like a trip into
• 17:02
  that alternate reality for me. I feel like this is like the
• 17:05
  most like soul bearing and honest I've ever heard you on
• 17:09
  this podcast. I'm finally coming out as Talks
• 17:10
  Mask. OK, well let's get into it.
• 17:15
  So the the context for 1995's Mortal Kombat.
• 17:20
  It was directed by Paul Anderson.
• 17:22
  This was his second movie ever. You can't tell.
• 17:26
  You can absolutely not tell. And from what I can gather, he
• 17:30
  was hired because his first movie called Shopping was made
• 17:32
  for $100,000 and the producer was like, wow, he's cheap.
• 17:39
  It stars a a whole bunch of real actors who are, I swear to God,
• 17:45
  I swear to God, Ruben, are real actors doing real acting in this
• 17:49
  movie. I don't know.
• 17:51
  Did you recognize anyone? Yes, Sonia.
• 17:55
  Yes, Bridget Wilson. Yes, I recognize her from the
• 17:59
  wedding planner. No Happy Gilmore.
• 18:04
  No, I'm sure she's in the wedding planner as well.
• 18:06
  She in multiple Adam Sandler pictures.
• 18:11
  What else was what's her name again?
• 18:13
  Bridget Wilson. I'm keep on laughing because it
• 18:18
  sounds like you're saying Bridget Nielsen, but saying it
• 18:20
  anyway. Someone who also played Sonia.
• 18:24
  Yeah, oh God, it's linked isn't it?
• 18:26
  Right. 2 seconds because I she is in the wedding planner.
• 18:29
  Oh, the wedding planner. Yeah, I'm sorry.
• 18:32
  I'm thinking of the Wedding Singer.
• 18:34
  Oh no. News The.
• 18:36
  Wedding letter. She's in.
• 18:38
  AJ Lo movie. But I also got confused because
• 18:41
  I thought she was in monster in law, which is something we have
• 18:44
  to do. We have to do monster idea and I
• 18:46
  just thought she was the bitchy blonde in that.
• 18:48
  But I think she's probably just a bitchy.
• 18:50
  I think she probably in an era of that was just playing the
• 18:53
  hot, either bitchy or like kind of slightly ahead headed the
• 18:56
  leading lady. So I recognize her and then that
• 18:59
  other person, that's the Highlander or whatever his name
• 19:04
  is, but only but I don't know that.
• 19:05
  Christopher Lambert, Yeah. And I think she's actually in
• 19:12
  Billy Madison, not Happy Gilmore.
• 19:13
  I don't know. This movie had a budget of $20
• 19:17
  million and it was a success. It was #1 at the box office for
• 19:23
  three whole weeks, and it took $124 million worldwide.
• 19:28
  So it was a pretty decent hit. It is the 27th highest grossing
• 19:33
  video game movie of all time. That isn't that impressive.
• 19:37
  No, it was about. That's not an achievement.
• 19:39
  I could only think of three others, like is it like Resident
• 19:43
  Evil or like. That's probably higher.
• 19:46
  All the Tomb Raiders are higher. I think the number one is the
• 19:49
  New Super Mario Brothers movie, which I have no.
• 19:51
  OK, yeah. Oh, and then probably the Sonic
• 19:54
  ones did. Well, yeah, I actually quite
• 19:56
  like the Sonic the Hedgehog. Well, that brings me on to my
• 20:01
  next point, which is it's critical review.
• 20:04
  It has a 40. 4% critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes and between
• 20:10
  the 98 founding of Rotten Tomatoes Until 2018, Mortal
• 20:13
  Kombat was the highest critical rating on the site of any video
• 20:17
  game adaptation. That's weird.
• 20:19
  That is fucking weird, but that is fucking weird, Yeah.
• 20:22
  Which it basically froze potentially any like like
• 20:27
  legitimacy about rotten. Tomatoes.
• 20:29
  Oh, it's it's nonsense. It's nonsense.
• 20:32
  Do you know what the number one rated video game adaptation is?
• 20:36
  It's Sonic the Hedgehog 3. OK, there we go.
• 20:40
  Wow, which does make me want to put a bullet in my brain.
• 20:44
  OK, well, don't do that. We've got on this.
• 20:46
  We've got this episode to finish.
• 20:48
  Should we get into the plot? I would, I would love to.
• 20:52
  And it's so generous that you're calling it a plot as well.
• 20:56
  So opening credits and it's. Like fucking hell is so intense.
• 21:05
  Yeah, it really feels like you've just taken drugs.
• 21:08
  And I feel like I actually, I actually wrote that as a later
• 21:11
  note. I I just wrote as a statement.
• 21:13
  These people are on drugs as in everyone in the film, every
• 21:17
  everything related, everyone is on drugs.
• 21:19
  I. Think that would kind of make
• 21:20
  sense? Then we've got our opening
• 21:24
  scene, which is two people are fighting at a temple.
• 21:28
  There's like a an older evil man and a child.
• 21:32
  Yeah, a child. He's fighting a child.
• 21:35
  There was a camp clue in this opening sequence that I I
• 21:38
  actually really love in all camp classics.
• 21:41
  I love a wonky angle to show that something's maybe slightly
• 21:45
  wrong or eerie and just. Yeah, I just like an.
• 21:48
  Angle. That's shot on the diagonal,
• 21:50
  isn't it? Just to show that it's, you
• 21:52
  know, something's off here. And I just think.
• 21:54
  That Paul Anderson. What an Otter.
• 21:56
  What? Yeah, straight away I'm like the
• 21:59
  cinematography is next level on this and we you get an epic
• 22:04
  bitch slap as well right from the get go.
• 22:07
  Backhand rubber. Backhand.
• 22:08
  Yeah, can never go wrong with that, can you?
• 22:11
  Yeah. And then the older one breaks
• 22:13
  the back of the younger one, killing him.
• 22:18
  What did you just? Say blows his back out.
• 22:20
  Oh yeah, that's. And just then, Luke Hang wakes
• 22:28
  up all sweaty in bed. And what in the wicked is going
• 22:31
  on? With that green, green light,
• 22:34
  the blowout. I was just like where?
• 22:37
  Why is it that intensely green? Like what?
• 22:42
  What would cause such a green light?
• 22:44
  Yeah, that's a very good question.
• 22:47
  I didn't think about it. Again, that altar, that altar,
• 22:50
  he's got us, you know? I think it's, I guess they're
• 22:53
  showing like, oh, he's not anywhere near there, he's in a
• 22:56
  city. Strong mullet work though from
• 22:58
  the get go. And this man's hair, it's, it
• 23:01
  should be, it should have been a paid actor in this movie.
• 23:04
  Yeah. And also as well we are.
• 23:05
  We've hit the stage now. Well, this is just very, a very
• 23:08
  contemporary look. Yeah.
• 23:10
  You saw, if you saw him out in a club, you'd be like, yeah, look
• 23:12
  great. Yeah, he's hot.
• 23:14
  Yeah, I knew you'd have the bones for him.
• 23:17
  The bones. I unfortunately think maybe
• 23:20
  everyone in this movie is hot again.
• 23:25
  This movie has a lot to answer for.
• 23:27
  But yeah, Liu Kang has had a had the dream of his brother's
• 23:31
  death. He's real sweaty.
• 23:33
  And then he gets it. He gets a telegram that says
• 23:35
  brother dead come. Home What I do like about this
• 23:38
  film is it's just very easy to follow because you know how like
• 23:42
  creators nowadays for TV etcetera are having to really
• 23:46
  simplify what they're making because people are like sort of
• 23:49
  watching secondhand. So they really need everything
• 23:51
  signposting This movie is really signposting it.
• 23:55
  There's absolutely no nuance. It's just like right next thing.
• 23:58
  Now go. Very simple to follow.
• 24:01
  Again, that Paul Anderson just a visionary ahead of his time.
• 24:04
  He knew that people were getting stupider all the way back in 95.
• 24:09
  Yeah, keep it simple. Then we cut to Sonia Blade.
• 24:13
  That's our Bridget Nielsen. Can I just let out an audible?
• 24:18
  Oh, she's fabulous. Oh, and everything I love in a
• 24:22
  film. You cannot beat a 90s
• 24:26
  rock'n'roll rave club. Especially when you've got a
• 24:30
  badass, no nonsense tough talking T word who's just
• 24:36
  kicking the shit out of the clubbers.
• 24:39
  Dressed as Janet Jackson, Ribbon Nation.
• 24:43
  She is, for some reason, she's going through this nightclub and
• 24:47
  she's just hitting everyone in the face with the barrel of her
• 24:50
  gun. There's like, I don't care if
• 24:52
  you're at a rave, I've got to get through.
• 24:57
  I mean, I think I've been in that position where you just get
• 25:00
  to the point where it's like out of my fucking way.
• 25:02
  So yeah, yeah. But I mean, spectacular
• 25:05
  entrance. I mean, that's how you launch a
• 25:07
  character. Unfortunately, a cab does
• 25:10
  include Sonia Blade. Yeah.
• 25:13
  She's looking for Kano, who killed her partner.
• 25:17
  No, Kano. Where does Kano come?
• 25:20
  From right. I'm so glad you brought this up.
• 25:24
  Wow, I wasn't sure if I was having a stroke.
• 25:30
  I think maybe I was having a stroke at the same.
• 25:32
  Point What was your What was your impression?
• 25:35
  Well, to start with, it was all a bit Dick Van Dyke, wasn't it?
• 25:38
  Yeah, Hello, Mary Poppins. Yeah.
• 25:42
  And then? And then it goes a bit Aussie.
• 25:45
  Yeah, OK, cool. I think that's I'm really glad
• 25:49
  to hear a British person say that too, because this actor,
• 25:55
  he's British, he's from Croydon. He's British.
• 25:58
  Yeah, but I think he went for a cockney accent but couldn't do
• 26:02
  it and as a result it ended up a bit Australian now.
• 26:07
  And he's from, he's from Croydon, which really isn't that
• 26:10
  far away from like an East End accent.
• 26:12
  No, no, it should have. It shouldn't have happened.
• 26:16
  But this is what's so funny. So the the character was
• 26:19
  originally Japanese American, and the creators of Mortal
• 26:22
  Combat we're so impressed with how Trevor Goddard portrayed him
• 26:24
  in the movie that they retconned Kano's history in future games
• 26:28
  to make him Australian, which they thought was Goddard's
• 26:31
  nationality. They later learned that he was
• 26:36
  doing a Cockney accent, which they and many viewers had
• 26:39
  confused for Australian. I mean, that's that's also be
• 26:42
  real as well. Like he, oh, he's dead.
• 26:45
  Yeah, but he continued to claim to be of Australian descent
• 26:50
  until his death in 2003. Fucking hell, I was about to
• 26:56
  say. I mean, that is a lot, isn't it?
• 26:57
  To give him to like change the entire franchise around his
• 27:01
  acting skills? Because I, I don't think, oh, he
• 27:04
  had, oh, he died of a drug overdose.
• 27:07
  Oh, that's sad. Sorry.
• 27:09
  OK, well, he's really fit in the film.
• 27:11
  He's so hot. Yeah, I'm into that.
• 27:13
  Where are we? Yeah.
• 27:14
  So Kaino is there. He's working with Shang Sung,
• 27:18
  who is the man from Liu Kang's dream at the beginning, and he's
• 27:22
  trying to lure Sonia to a tournament.
• 27:26
  Then we cut to Johnny Cage. He's filming a movie, and he's
• 27:32
  all over the tabloids because they don't think he's a real
• 27:35
  fighter. They think he's a fake.
• 27:37
  I did find the scene quite hot with all of those guys with
• 27:40
  various implements. Yeah, I think.
• 27:43
  Taking them on I was. Like it looks really great too.
• 27:46
  I was like, I want to watch that movie.
• 27:48
  I've never seen you like, beaming so much, like you're
• 27:51
  literally just glowing from this.
• 27:53
  You're so happy, aren't you? I.
• 27:56
  Really. Am I realized about this point?
• 27:58
  I was like, oh, I can quote this entire movie.
• 28:02
  This is where you fall down. This is where you fall down.
• 28:07
  Shang Sung is there. He's shape shifted into Johnny
• 28:09
  Cage's mentor or agent or something, and he lures him to
• 28:14
  the tournament so that he can prove himself a real fighter.
• 28:17
  Well, you say LOR, but again, it's like there's no, he's
• 28:21
  literally just this old man. It's not explained.
• 28:24
  And he's like going, oh, so you know, everyone thinks you're a
• 28:27
  fake. Well, if you fight this
• 28:28
  tournament, everyone will think you're the greatest fighter in
• 28:31
  the world. And then he's literally like,
• 28:32
  here, take this scroll, go to the boat tomorrow, you're going
• 28:36
  to Hong Kong tomorrow. And then that's it.
• 28:39
  And then, and then Johnny's literally like, oh, OK, then
• 28:43
  doesn't question it, doesn't do anything.
• 28:45
  And then the guy shapes it back to the villain.
• 28:48
  But it's like it wasn't I, I don't get the impression you've
• 28:51
  done like a particularly like big trick here.
• 28:53
  It's not like it's not like evil in Masters of the Universe, is
• 28:56
  it? It's literally like he's just
• 28:58
  going to go and he's fucking dumb.
• 29:00
  I appreciated it. You know how when we do recaps
• 29:03
  on this show, we'll often use the yada yada yada approach
• 29:07
  because lots of stuff happens that we can't be really be
• 29:09
  bothered to get into? I think this the screenwriters
• 29:12
  took that approach when they were doing the plot.
• 29:16
  They're like, don't worry, they'll get it, yadda, yadda,
• 29:20
  yadda. He's on the boat.
• 29:22
  And we did, we did. It's very easy to follow Johnny
• 29:28
  Cage, this actor, another actor that has not gone on to have a
• 29:33
  star illustrious career. The actor went on to do wild
• 29:37
  things two and three. Fucking cow.
• 29:43
  He was also in Mean Girls too. Didn't know that existed.
• 29:47
  He was also in anacondas too. Wow.
• 29:51
  Fucking. Hell, but you know he's working.
• 29:55
  He's working well, good for him. OK, then we're back to Liu Kang.
• 30:00
  He's going home. I think he's Chinese, but he
• 30:03
  goes to Thailand. I mean, I don't think the kind
• 30:07
  of race of anybody matters in this movie, does it?
• 30:10
  It's very Asia. Except for any kind of God
• 30:15
  character, and then it's just a white.
• 30:18
  Then it's just a white. This man, Yeah.
• 30:21
  Yeah, but Liu Kang wants to fight in the tournament to
• 30:24
  avenge his brother's murder. And then we get Raiden.
• 30:31
  Should we say it together, Wig? Oh, baby girl, that unit.
• 30:41
  Oh, she has been tongue. She's got body.
• 30:45
  She's got like a real little bounce to her.
• 30:48
  It's hard to get that much volume and bounce out of
• 30:50
  synthetic fibers, I hear. Oh, but baby, it is bouncing
• 30:54
  away. It is giving Lux.
• 30:57
  It is giving expensive. It is a hard line across the
• 31:02
  forehead. It's, I don't think it's a hard
• 31:05
  front, but they didn't bother to like ventilate that lace.
• 31:09
  They were just like, give it a straight line.
• 31:13
  She she's got a she's got a nice shape to her, though, doesn't
• 31:16
  she? They've they've what I would
• 31:19
  really would have loved to have been in because obviously in
• 31:22
  these in even in this kind of film, even in this pile of shit,
• 31:26
  and they do different tests with wigs in films and and you know,
• 31:29
  I'm sure there were numerous wigs and styles.
• 31:32
  I wonder whose decision it was to be like, oh, no, baby, she
• 31:36
  needs a bit more life in her. She's.
• 31:40
  I I am obsessed with a movie that spends $1,000,000 on the
• 31:45
  animatronic villain and then is like, you know what wig budget
• 31:51
  $10. It is.
• 31:52
  It is such an incredibly shit look.
• 31:57
  And what? So bad.
• 31:58
  Who is he? He's like something.
• 32:00
  Is he like the God of everything?
• 32:02
  What is? What is he?
• 32:03
  He's the God of lightning, potentially the Chinese God of
• 32:07
  lightning. Yeah, because they all bowed out
• 32:08
  to him and I'm like, fucking hell, everyone else there is
• 32:13
  Asian in that scene except for him.
• 32:16
  And he's a French man. Well, a homeless French man,
• 32:19
  isn't he? In a real unit doing the
• 32:23
  weirdest. Accent like what the fuck?
• 32:27
  So he was quite hot property. Well, I don't know.
• 32:30
  As we've already discussed, I don't think any of the cast are
• 32:33
  particularly hot property at this stage.
• 32:36
  But he was a bigger actor, wasn't he?
• 32:38
  And he's probably the top billing in this movie.
• 32:41
  That's not saying much. No, but he was very expensive
• 32:44
  compared to their budget. And obviously everything had to
• 32:46
  be budget. They weren't spending any money
• 32:48
  on this. They were like no, no, no, no,
• 32:50
  no. But so originally he was only
• 32:52
  going to film for a few weeks in LA and then anything on location
• 32:56
  was going to be with a stunt, got double and they were going
• 32:58
  to just like be careful. But then he was like, oh, no,
• 33:02
  no, I'm going to Thailand to film this.
• 33:04
  I want to film this. So he just went and basically
• 33:07
  shot all of that stuff for free and just had a bit of a holiday.
• 33:10
  But what what was good enough? What was it about him that they
• 33:14
  were like? Like he must have screen test
• 33:17
  with this accent? It's kind of like Toad, but like
• 33:22
  not high. It's like if Toad wasn't high
• 33:25
  pitched. I've been trying actually all
• 33:27
  day to do this accent and I can't do it.
• 33:30
  I can't do it. It's impossible.
• 33:32
  He isn't ready, my Lord, and we've lost so much time, I know,
• 33:36
  but there's no one else. But we love her.
• 33:41
  We love her. We love her.
• 33:42
  We love her from the get go. We.
• 33:44
  Love her like that reveal. So he's like walking into the
• 33:47
  temple and he's got his rice Paddy hat on.
• 33:50
  So yeah, that's we've already got big alarm bells going off at
• 33:53
  this. Oh.
• 33:54
  Have we sorry, Woke? Yeah.
• 33:56
  But then he like lifts his head up and the rice Paddy hat lifts
• 34:01
  and you just see this white man in this wig and it's.
• 34:06
  Just so funny. So shocking.
• 34:10
  And now, now you've said that it's reminded me of what it
• 34:14
  reminded me of. And it's the first time we see
• 34:16
  Kate Winslet in Titanic with her very.
• 34:18
  Bad. OK.
• 34:23
  The other thing that's amazing is that this role was offered to
• 34:28
  Sean Connery. Really.
• 34:32
  Why? I don't know.
• 34:35
  He turned. Apparently he turned it down
• 34:36
  because he didn't want to perform such a physically
• 34:38
  demanding role. He doesn't do anything he
• 34:41
  doesn't do. Anything but.
• 34:44
  Now imagine it with a Scottish accent.
• 34:47
  Everything. And the bouncy wig.
• 34:49
  The bouncy wig. Oh.
• 34:52
  I don't know what to say, but I'm like, I I love, I love all
• 34:55
  of the little, like, you know, lightning bits.
• 34:58
  She's a good time gal, isn't she?
• 35:00
  Yeah, I love her. She's providing some light
• 35:03
  comedic relief that I don't think the film really knows what
• 35:06
  to do with. Also she just has like
• 35:07
  incredible powers and like can is more powerful than anyone but
• 35:11
  yet doesn't get involved in anything.
• 35:13
  Well, you know, the rules of Mortal Kombat are very strict.
• 35:18
  Just don't ask me to explain them to you, OK?
• 35:21
  Then we're at the docks and the the ship is coming in on our 3
• 35:26
  heroes board, along with a man whose name is Arlene.
• 35:35
  You're Arlene, aren't you? The.
• 35:36
  Way that the way that character is treated in this film, it's
• 35:41
  just like wow, sorry, woke alert again.
• 35:45
  But I mean, it is like black man tokenism, if ever I've seen it
• 35:50
  in my life is it is so fucking appalling.
• 35:54
  Yeah, how he has, and I mean for for me to say he has no
• 35:59
  character development at all compared to the other characters
• 36:02
  really sort of places where he is in this movie.
• 36:06
  You're so right. But his name is Arlene, and so I
• 36:09
  stand. Go off, Arlene.
• 36:12
  Come on, Arlene. I think the ship looks kind of
• 36:20
  great. This big ship coming into into
• 36:24
  port. It looks, you know, like you're
• 36:27
  at Disney. Yeah, it's very that.
• 36:30
  Yeah, it's very like Alton Towers when we were on that
• 36:32
  pirate ship thing. And you're like very that one
• 36:35
  thing you can say about this movie is they have not skimped
• 36:37
  on the fog budget or the candle. Budget The fog is fogging.
• 36:43
  Oh my. At one point when they're on the
• 36:47
  ship and they're out at sea, we're just in a black studio
• 36:53
  with so much low smoke that's lit.
• 36:55
  So it's just like an elaborate music video and we're meant to
• 36:57
  believe that they're at like it's seeing its water and it's
• 37:01
  like, no, it's just a fog machine.
• 37:03
  There's nothing here that actually is suggesting water at
• 37:06
  all. Look, you and I have relied on a
• 37:08
  fog machine to elevate a number many times.
• 37:11
  Yes, I fully, I fully respect it.
• 37:15
  OK, so they're on the ship and they run into Shang Sung, who
• 37:21
  is, I guess, hot for Sonia. Yeah, it's kind of.
• 37:25
  Unclear. Either that either that or he's
• 37:27
  desperate to give her a makeover.
• 37:29
  Spoiler alert. He's like, girl, we need to back
• 37:35
  home. That hair Shang.
• 37:37
  Sung has absorbed so many souls some of them were bound to
• 37:40
  include beauticians, but he threatens the the three heroes
• 37:48
  with his henchman, Scorpion and Sub Zero, and then Raiden saves
• 37:55
  them by turning into lightning and zapping them with some
• 38:00
  honestly spectacular CGI. He's basically going to finger
• 38:03
  them to death, which, you know, is like something I always want
• 38:06
  to see in a film. We see his little finger go up
• 38:09
  and it's like, I don't think so. And yeah, this is when I I wrote
• 38:16
  that the heroes who are just normal Earth people are taking
• 38:20
  it all very well. They 'd like just seen a man
• 38:25
  turn into lightning and they're like, OK, what do you mean we
• 38:29
  have to save the Earth? I guess so.
• 38:31
  So we get the info dump. Mortal Kombat is a martial arts
• 38:35
  tournament that has held once every generation between
• 38:38
  representatives of the realms of Earth and the otherworldly
• 38:41
  dimension of Out World. If Outworld achieves 10
• 38:46
  consecutive victories, the Emperor of Outworld will invade
• 38:50
  and conquer Earth, and they have already won nine times.
• 38:56
  Wow. These 3 heroes have been chosen
• 38:59
  as Earth's representatives and will decide the outcome of the
• 39:02
  tournament. Big the stakes.
• 39:07
  The stakes could not be higher and and as Raiden says, the
• 39:11
  essence of Mortal Kombat is not about death, but life.
• 39:15
  OK. What does it mean?
• 39:19
  Yeah, he doesn't even say it like that.
• 39:20
  He says it in that weird growly voice as well.
• 39:24
  Someone he's, he sat there, that actor sat there with the script,
• 39:28
  you know, in a room. I was like, how am I going to
• 39:30
  deliver that line? He's actually with all of these
• 39:34
  shit lines. You've got to think someone has
• 39:36
  actually sat down in a hotel room and going, right.
• 39:38
  How am I going to say it like this?
• 39:41
  Then there's loads of CGI in the sky and Shang Sung is he's doing
• 39:46
  the absolute most. I love this man.
• 39:48
  Yeah. Now is he like a legendary film
• 39:51
  star or something? Kerry Hiroyuki Tigawa, yeah,
• 39:56
  he's been in shit loads of movies and I think he's played a
• 39:58
  villain many times, you know? So because he is actually very
• 40:02
  good in this movie, I think he's actually like a good actor.
• 40:06
  Yeah. And scary.
• 40:07
  And. Yeah.
• 40:08
  And he's he's trying so hard, whereas like no one else is.
• 40:13
  Oh no, no one else is trying. It's sure what to do.
• 40:15
  Yeah, but he's trying really hard.
• 40:17
  Oh so you say people weren't trying hard?
• 40:19
  They were all like sustaining really serious injuries were I
• 40:22
  think at one point was it like sub 0 Scorpion was like kicked
• 40:25
  so hard in the kidney he was like peeing blood or something.
• 40:28
  Yeah, Johnny Cage was. Oh.
• 40:30
  Johnny Cage, Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Broken ribs.
• 40:35
  Bridget Wilson in one of her fights.
• 40:37
  I still find it funny. It sounds like you're trying to
• 40:40
  say Bridget Nilson, but you can't.
• 40:41
  You've got a slight speech impediment.
• 40:43
  Bridget Wilson. She, in one of her fights had
• 40:50
  her shoulder dislocated and she just popped it back into place
• 40:52
  and was like, let's keep going. Yeah, love her, love her.
• 40:57
  Okay, so now the ship gets to a spooky island where compasses
• 41:02
  and satellite phones don't work. A bit more banter between our
• 41:05
  heroes. They're kind of all, you know, a
• 41:07
  bit bantery. Yeah, because they're like
• 41:09
  different personalities and they kind.
• 41:11
  Of. They're all so different.
• 41:12
  They like kind of like each other, but kind of hate each
• 41:14
  other. And it's like, yeah, it's just.
• 41:17
  Where's that going to go, you know?
• 41:18
  Yeah. We also then see Princess
• 41:21
  Cortana, who's just sat there being hot, chilling, giving
• 41:25
  Moody looks. Yeah. 10,000 years old. 10,000
• 41:29
  years old. Again, you know, they're just
• 41:33
  like, let's let's get someone that's got a list that's I think
• 41:37
  the word would have probably been let's let's get someone a
• 41:39
  bit exotic, but not but like like racially ambiguous kind of
• 41:44
  it's it's it's very like America's Next Top Model Tyra
• 41:47
  Banks is kind of like, let's just let's just say that you're
• 41:52
  going to be like this kind of Thai esque queen.
• 41:57
  Yeah, it's it's kind of like they're clearly just, they just
• 42:01
  don't like leaning into like different races in this movie.
• 42:05
  But we already have an Asian hero as the lead.
• 42:10
  Yeah, everyone else needs to be whitish.
• 42:13
  Whitish. Yeah, basically.
• 42:18
  But the gods are white. All the gods are white.
• 42:19
  You have to be white. Yeah.
• 42:21
  She's so hot though. Excuse me?
• 42:23
  She's like, yeah, what's she? Been in she OK, two things.
• 42:28
  She has been in a movie called Vampirella which I really really
• 42:33
  really want to watch. It's based on a comic book which
• 42:36
  is about an alien from a vampire planet called Draculon who
• 42:40
  becomes a crime fighter. OK, why haven't we done this?
• 42:42
  She wears a bikini to fight crime, but a bikini with like a
• 42:45
  little vampire collar on it. OK, that sounds like a Christmas
• 42:48
  movie to me. I think we need to do that as a
• 42:52
  Christmas movie. Yeah, she's amazing.
• 42:56
  And she is married to Benjamin Bratt.
• 42:59
  Oh. From Catwoman Catwoman.
• 43:02
  Now I bet their kids are going to be hot.
• 43:05
  Yeah, that's an attractive couple.
• 43:06
  Although probably Dicks because do you remember Sharon Stone
• 43:10
  hates Benjamin? Bratt that's right, That's
• 43:12
  right. We trust Sharon's our.
• 43:14
  Yes, we do. We.
• 43:15
  Trust our Sharon. Oh yeah, love her, love her,
• 43:19
  love her energy. She will appear in three to four
• 43:22
  scenes before she speaks. The rules of feminism, yeah.
• 43:26
  She's just going to be in the background giving like,
• 43:28
  seductive, Moody glances. And so being kind of watched
• 43:32
  slash protected by slash imprisoned by a weird 90s ravy
• 43:39
  comedian reptile thing. Don't worry about it.
• 43:44
  Then there's a banquet and loads of oily men come in.
• 43:48
  Yes, they are so muscly and so oily.
• 43:51
  It is so porny, it is so porny. And even the banquet is giving
• 43:56
  porn. It's giving like a porn scene
• 43:58
  isn't? It yeah, it's it's it's all very
• 44:01
  hot. Sheng Sung.
• 44:02
  Welcome. And I'll tell you one more
• 44:03
  thing. Sorry, Sonya's not getting a
• 44:05
  look in. Like, normally in these films,
• 44:07
  it would be, you know, she would be being ogled and people would
• 44:11
  be, you know, kind of a bit dangerous for her.
• 44:14
  No, No one cares about Sonya. This is a different kind of
• 44:18
  island and a different type of banquet.
• 44:20
  Yeah. But they are ready to chow down
• 44:22
  and feast. Yeah.
• 44:25
  Right. Well, that makes sense.
• 44:26
  When you find out their leader has four arms, you know what
• 44:31
  those are for. Yeah, right.
• 44:34
  Yeah. So this banquet, Shang Sung
• 44:36
  welcomes everyone to Mortal Kombat.
• 44:38
  Treasure these moments as if they were your host.
• 44:43
  That's pretty good actually. Well done.
• 44:45
  That's pretty good. And then the oily men flip all
• 44:47
  the tables and there's a fight and Sub Zero comes out and he
• 44:51
  freezes. A man who shatters.
• 44:54
  Yeah, I thought it was great. I also like how much the man's
• 44:58
  doing before. Yeah, just like it's like
• 45:00
  someone's playing the computer game and is learning the moves
• 45:03
  and just sort of pressing them all, but can't quite work out
• 45:05
  how to move it with it. It's like kick, kick, kick,
• 45:07
  kick. Yeah, trying to do a special
• 45:10
  move, but you can't quite access it.
• 45:12
  Meanwhile, someone else knows how to play and that's why they
• 45:14
  get frozen straight. Yeah, but also you're you're
• 45:16
  like, you have to just stay over there and wait until I learn the
• 45:19
  controls. No, Mom, he's not playing fair.
• 45:25
  It's very that the heroes then go snooping.
• 45:28
  But you know Sonya does not need any help.
• 45:31
  No. No, just like another Sonya we
• 45:34
  know. Yeah, it's the same, yeah.
• 45:38
  Are there any Sonyas that need help?
• 45:40
  I can only think of 2. Yeah, at the moment and they
• 45:42
  don't need any. Help.
• 45:43
  No, they are strong, independent women.
• 45:45
  They stumble on Kano, who is chatting to Prince Goro now.
• 45:51
  That puppet cost £1,000,000. That or $1,000,000.
• 45:55
  Puppet. This puppet Goro is A4 armed
• 45:59
  monster who's like really tall and there's a man in that suit
• 46:03
  and it also had 16 puppeteers. Wow.
• 46:09
  And all of that money and effort to basically create like a
• 46:13
  gurning goon face. I am obsessed with Goro's face.
• 46:19
  He always looks like he's coming.
• 46:22
  I done I would need to. I need to watch it back now now
• 46:25
  with that in mind. It's so good.
• 46:29
  And again, we've already said it, but he's got forearms for a
• 46:33
  reason. He's on that sex island with all
• 46:35
  of those oily men. He'd be very popular in Berlin
• 46:38
  with forearms, yeah. Working his way through them
• 46:40
  all, yeah. A hole for every arm and he's
• 46:44
  only got 3 fingers so I think that makes the knuckle.
• 46:47
  They're big, fat, juicy fingers though, aren't they?
• 46:51
  Girthy fingers. Forearms the better for
• 46:55
  foreplay. I love this puppet.
• 46:59
  He looks like AG doubt roid queen who's like.
• 47:05
  He behaves like 1. Exactly.
• 47:07
  Like like he can't find his stash.
• 47:09
  He's at The Afters and he's freaking out.
• 47:11
  He's flipping tables. He needs constant validation
• 47:14
  from his army of muscle twinks. You know he's great.
• 47:18
  I have no notes for this puppet. No notes.
• 47:20
  We get some more exposition. Shang Tseng tells Kano that Kano
• 47:25
  is going to fight Sonia, but he's not to harm her, only
• 47:28
  humiliate her because he has plans for her.
• 47:32
  Sure. OK.
• 47:33
  Yeah. And he also warns that Princess
• 47:35
  Katana must not be allowed to team up with the humans because
• 47:38
  that would be bad. And again, sure, I'm sure all of
• 47:43
  this will become relevant to the plot later.
• 47:46
  Yeah, I'm sure we'll come back in and make a lot of sense
• 47:49
  later, but yeah, just the juxposition of this, of this
• 47:53
  Sheng Song actor Kerry just giving it so hard in this
• 47:59
  ridiculous movie. It's so great.
• 48:01
  To a puppet and like. A man who's accidentally doing
• 48:05
  Australian accent. Eating chicken.
• 48:08
  Yeah, OK. Now we enter like the fight
• 48:12
  scene portion of the movie, I would say, and it's pretty
• 48:16
  relentless. I like, well, I like that
• 48:18
  because they get caught and they they sort of run away, don't
• 48:21
  they? Yeah.
• 48:22
  But then it's like, again, it's so underwhelming.
• 48:25
  Like Cortana shows them a blue corridor and then they basically
• 48:29
  just walked around in a circle and they just end back up in the
• 48:32
  main room again. It's, it's, it's just so like
• 48:34
  low stakes, isn't it? Yeah, well, I don't think they
• 48:37
  could afford more than two hallways.
• 48:39
  So it's like we're back here again now.
• 48:42
  Yeah, yeah. And then there's like a group
• 48:44
  fight scene. We get to see everyone's moves.
• 48:48
  Oh, they're starting to work as a team.
• 48:50
  Oh, maybe these humans have what it takes.
• 48:53
  Yeah. It's very bad energy and then we
• 48:56
  enter fight scene after fight scene, which I guess is the
• 48:58
  tournament. But the rules of this tournament
• 49:01
  are not super clear to me. Like who gets pitted against who
• 49:06
  or why? That doesn't really make any.
• 49:09
  Sense it doesn't matter, does it to anyone?
• 49:12
  But we've got Liu Kang, he's got the first fight against this guy
• 49:17
  with like great little braids, and then Sheng Sung is watching
• 49:22
  and his Bob has also been blown out.
• 49:24
  Everyone's just looking, really. Yeah, here's Bob.
• 49:27
  Here's Bob. He's that.
• 49:29
  She's just gone. The other girls have been
• 49:33
  through glam. Where is my glam team?
• 49:36
  They have. Give me some volume now, you
• 49:39
  motherfuckers. The salons on the out world
• 49:42
  island. Oh, we're.
• 49:43
  Going off to. Die for.
• 49:46
  I just love Liu Kang's hair. It's so glossy and big and blown
• 49:50
  out. It is.
• 49:51
  It's majestic. It is.
• 49:54
  That's a really beautiful way to describe it, yes.
• 49:57
  Yeah, but he beat, he wins his first fight, and Shang Sung
• 50:01
  sucks the soul out of the loser. And so now we know it's.
• 50:05
  Quite sexy, isn't it? That bit, yeah.
• 50:08
  That's not the only thing he's sucking on that island.
• 50:13
  Then we get Sonya versus Kano. Kano is so gay porn coded.
• 50:18
  Yeah, it's, it's absolutely ridiculous.
• 50:21
  Just like, picture a 90s gay porn star and you've got it.
• 50:26
  There for the taking. Yeah, I think this fight's
• 50:28
  pretty great. Yeah, it's amazing.
• 50:30
  I I actually see a camp clue in this fight and that is it's
• 50:36
  giving showgirls energy. Shang Song, she's giving Crystal
• 50:43
  Connors energy and Sonia is very much know me and you know it's
• 50:48
  there when she's doing the first lap dust.
• 50:50
  So right. Crystal's just kind of like
• 50:52
  fight him, fight him and then. She's just him.
• 50:56
  Yeah, finish him. And then she's getting her legs
• 50:58
  and like, crushing his neck and I'm like, it's showgirls.
• 51:02
  This is a camp clue, OK? Because he is sat there like
• 51:07
  Crystal Connors and literally like when they're doing the lap
• 51:11
  dance and, you know, finish him, finish him.
• 51:15
  And then you've got Sonia as Nomi, like doing all the work.
• 51:19
  Then she's putting her legs around his neck, crushing it.
• 51:22
  And we have said this before, if you can see Crystal and Nomi in
• 51:28
  characters, then we're we're on to some camp magic here.
• 51:32
  And I was just like, imagine Gina Gershon and I can
• 51:37
  Elizabeth. You can so.
• 51:38
  Elizabeth Berkeley would so be with Sonia.
• 51:41
  You're so right, she's another woman who does not need any
• 51:44
  man's help and you can just immediately imagine Shang Song
• 51:49
  being swapped for Gina Gershon. A little chainmail bikini doing
• 51:52
  blow being like finish him off. Yeah.
• 51:57
  You just do no me, you just do him and I'll watch.
• 52:00
  Yeah, and then it's and then and then not wanting anyone to hurt
• 52:04
  her because she wants to do something with her.
• 52:07
  But yeah, Mortal Kombat meets Showgirls.
• 52:10
  Here for it. No notes.
• 52:12
  And just yeah, they both have like a signature thigh wrap
• 52:16
  move. Incredible.
• 52:20
  Wow. Just on the fight scene as well.
• 52:23
  I just thought it was, I thought it was great.
• 52:24
  She like takes some hard punches.
• 52:27
  It looks like physical, it's like boxing.
• 52:29
  It's not like flashy. It's just like rough, brutal
• 52:32
  between the two. And unsurprisingly, they don't
• 52:35
  do any of that. Kind of like, you know, her
• 52:38
  being ultra fam, saying a sassy one liner, like, you know, like
• 52:42
  it. She's fighting hard.
• 52:43
  Yeah. Which is is good to see.
• 52:46
  She does kill him with her thighs, which, you know, isn't
• 52:49
  the best female representation you can get.
• 52:53
  But she does kill him, so. Yeah.
• 52:55
  So she kicked the bass. It's a great, great scene.
• 52:59
  Oh my God. Now I just really want this
• 53:03
  movie to get remade with only Gina Gershon swapped out.
• 53:06
  Aren't. You going to come here and give
• 53:08
  me a big kiss? Sonya's got heat.
• 53:18
  OK. Then it's Johnny Cage versus
• 53:20
  Scorpion. Carry out this fight, Yes.
• 53:25
  Spectacular. You liked this one of?
• 53:27
  Course, what is there to not like about someone that has this
• 53:31
  weird little snake thing embedded in your hand when you
• 53:35
  fight? Get over.
• 53:36
  Here, but this snake is like doing the most, isn't it around
• 53:40
  the woods? The CGI snake.
• 53:42
  Zipping in and out of the woods. And my favorite thing was so for
• 53:47
  people that haven't seen it, and it doesn't matter if you
• 53:49
  haven't, but please go and watch it.
• 53:51
  But yeah, this snake, the CGI snake comes out of his hand and
• 53:53
  he's like chasing Johnny around the woods and is sort of like
• 53:57
  trying to get him. And it's really frantic.
• 53:58
  But so then you're left with Johnny and he turns and suddenly
• 54:01
  the woods are empty. And he's like, oh, where is he?
• 54:04
  Where is he? Is he is this is this where the
• 54:07
  score? Is this where the the snake
• 54:09
  thing is going to pop up and scare you?
• 54:11
  Oh no. Just off in the distance,
• 54:15
  Scorpion doing a little cartwheel into frame.
• 54:18
  Just a cartwheel. Not a flip, not a fancy bit, not
• 54:22
  particularly well executed cartwheel.
• 54:25
  It's kind of like of the level you'd see like a mid drag drag
• 54:28
  queen on Drag Race doing a cartwheel during a lip sync for
• 54:31
  your life. It's very mid.
• 54:34
  It's giving. It's kind of giving like Oompa
• 54:36
  Loompa somehow. And it's not accompanied with
• 54:39
  any sound effects to create danger or shock.
• 54:42
  It's just like here I am. It's off in the distance, a
• 54:44
  little goofy little cartwheel. This, that was originally the
• 54:50
  entire fight scene. And then Johnny Cage does the
• 54:54
  run and he does the jump kick and that was the end, right?
• 54:57
  And and then test audiences were mad that there weren't enough
• 55:01
  fights, so they did a whole reshoot.
• 55:02
  And so now when he kicks them, they go into another dimension.
• 55:06
  Yeah, you. You want to reshoot?
• 55:08
  OK, You want it. You want us to switch this up?
• 55:11
  Test audiences. OK, here's what we're going to
• 55:14
  do. That kicks going to send them to
• 55:16
  another dimension. It's it's it's hell.
• 55:20
  Everything is banisters, rickety frames.
• 55:23
  It looks actually fantastic I think.
• 55:25
  Yeah, like it actually does look really cool, Yeah.
• 55:28
  They have a big fight on the rickety set and then Scorpion
• 55:31
  pulls off his mask and reveals his skull face and then starts.
• 55:36
  Which looks like something from Poundland, yeah.
• 55:39
  This movie came out like 2 years after Jurassic Park.
• 55:43
  The 95 Ness of it all is no excuse.
• 55:45
  Well, this is where I'd like to chip in, as we're talking about
• 55:48
  CGI. So I read an interview with the
• 55:52
  director talking about how he got how he got the role.
• 55:56
  So this is Anderson speaking about working on the movie.
• 56:00
  I had no experience with visual effects, so I went to Samuel
• 56:03
  French's bookstore and I bought every single book I could find
• 56:06
  on visual effects, on that painting, on CGII had the jargon
• 56:10
  down. It sounded like I knew more than
• 56:12
  CG about anyone else in Hollywood.
• 56:14
  Even though I'd never been into the visual effects house in my
• 56:17
  life. I kind of bluffed my way into
• 56:19
  it. I think they could see the
• 56:21
  enthusiasm. Sounds about why it's the Yeah,
• 56:24
  that that. That is the approach to CGI,
• 56:26
  because it's a very sweeping approach, isn't it?
• 56:30
  There's not like a clear aesthetic to any of the CGI in
• 56:33
  this movie. It's very just like, oh, let's
• 56:35
  try that one now. Yeah.
• 56:37
  It's like, I've just discovered clipart.
• 56:39
  It's like, oh, let's do that that, let's do that one now.
• 56:42
  Have we done all of them? Have we chit checked all of the
• 56:45
  boxes and we've got that effect to use?
• 56:47
  Let's add that one as well. Some of it looks so bad.
• 56:51
  There's this reptile character which I haven't even bothered to
• 56:53
  explain, but yeah. The 90s gecko.
• 56:57
  Yeah, the 90s gecko who looks like.
• 56:59
  Yeah, he's about to give you advice on your word processor
• 57:04
  anyway. But at the end of this scene
• 57:06
  where we he kills an inhale skull creature, this is where I
• 57:11
  put in capital letters. These people are on drugs.
• 57:13
  Yeah, everyone is on drugs now. I'm on drugs watching it.
• 57:18
  The people making it. We're everyone's on drugs.
• 57:21
  We're in drugs. Johnny Cage slices the head off
• 57:25
  Scorpion and then Scorpion explodes and then a Johnny Cage
• 57:29
  signed autograph flutters to the ground.
• 57:32
  Star wipe out of the scene. Yeah, we're, we're, we're all on
• 57:35
  drugs here. One question how did Johnny Cage
• 57:37
  get out of that hell dimension? Every fight just ends with a
• 57:40
  wipe. Yeah, it's, again, it's a very
• 57:43
  yadda, yadda useful mechanism, isn't it?
• 57:46
  I imagine working on a project like that where you kind of hit
• 57:49
  a bump in the road, it's like, oh shit, what we're going to do
• 57:52
  in this? We'll just do a wipe.
• 57:54
  Yeah, that'd. Be fine, just do a wipe.
• 57:58
  Time passes, Luke, Hang and Cortana have a fight.
• 58:03
  It's unclear. Is this a part of the
• 58:05
  tournament? I'm not sure.
• 58:06
  It kind of looks like they're like.
• 58:08
  Mentoring him, isn't she? She's giving him like sexy a
• 58:11
  sexy pep talk while they fight. She says she gives him a
• 58:16
  coaching on how to win his next fight.
• 58:18
  He fights sub zero. He wins.
• 58:20
  Who cares? Yeah, that bit, that's all a bit
• 58:22
  like, yeah, isn't it? Yeah, then Goro is back.
• 58:26
  My Circuit G Queen, she's here and she's finally ready to
• 58:34
  party. Sheng Sung sets him loose, and
• 58:37
  we just see a super cut of Goro beating loads and loads of
• 58:40
  fighters. And then it's Goro versus
• 58:43
  Arlene, and yeah, Arlene dies and I think we're supposed to
• 58:50
  care. It's like.
• 58:51
  Well, well, yeah. Because like the others are
• 58:53
  showing like big emotions. That's what I wrote down to
• 58:57
  Sonia screaming no as a substitute for any actual
• 59:01
  character development. And this is Sonia, who's proven
• 59:04
  that she has zero emotions or compassion for anyone else
• 59:07
  because she's so just like, I don't need anyone.
• 59:11
  But now, no, apparently she's really bonded with Arlene and.
• 59:15
  Arlene We haven't seen it. It's happened during the Star
• 59:19
  wipe. Arlene is such a bad character.
• 59:21
  It's so bad no one cares that they died.
• 59:24
  Arlene, no one cares, but we do get a nice another nice Shang
• 59:29
  song. Your soul is mine.
• 59:31
  Yeah. And then the spunk in the
• 59:33
  eyeball. Yeah, he, he his.
• 59:36
  Turns out that your soul looks quite cummy.
• 59:38
  You ever get cum in your eye, Gabriel?
• 59:39
  It burns. But you knew that.
• 59:45
  I did. So now it's like, Oh my God, the
• 59:48
  heroes are like, how are we going to beat Goro?
• 59:50
  He's unbeatable. What are we going to do?
• 59:52
  And so we get a Raiden pep talk and he says to them all.
• 59:56
  You must first face your fears if you are to conquer them.
• 1:00:01
  He says to Johnny, You're afraid you're a fake, and you're so
• 1:00:03
  you'll rush into any fight to prove you're not.
• 1:00:06
  Sonia is afraid to admit she needs help.
• 1:00:09
  She must learn to trust. And Liu Kang is afraid of his
• 1:00:13
  own destiny. And I'm sure that's going to be
• 1:00:16
  really, all of those things will be really pivotal to the finale
• 1:00:20
  of the movie or the plot in some way.
• 1:00:22
  It's very Wizard of Oz, isn't it?
• 1:00:24
  Yeah, and we cut to Johnny Cage and Sonia on the beach and we've
• 1:00:30
  yadda yadda yadda to a place where they've got some kind of
• 1:00:32
  relationship going. Yeah, like where did that come
• 1:00:35
  from? I guess it's because he must
• 1:00:38
  have been there for her when Arlene died.
• 1:00:40
  Yeah, she's been so upset about Arlene's death.
• 1:00:43
  And I'll just remind you that Raiden has just said to Johnny,
• 1:00:47
  you're so afraid you're a fake that you'll rush into any fight
• 1:00:50
  to prove you're not. And then the next scene, Johnny
• 1:00:52
  Cage is saying I'm going to fight Goro.
• 1:00:54
  It's the only way. So that's his plan.
• 1:00:58
  Those two things you'd think would be like, narratively
• 1:01:01
  consequential, but no, no, you'd be wrong about that.
• 1:01:06
  That has nothing to do with this scene, because Johnny then goes
• 1:01:11
  to fight Goro and he just kind of wins quite quite easily.
• 1:01:17
  Yeah, I mean that that big bad G queen fell down quite easily,
• 1:01:21
  really. Yeah, this is where you fall
• 1:01:22
  down. I love the shot of Goro falling
• 1:01:25
  off a Cliff. It looks great.
• 1:01:27
  The flailing forearms is just quite fab.
• 1:01:30
  Yeah, they they really said fuck characters.
• 1:01:34
  Fuck, fuck plot, fuck consequences, fuck any of it.
• 1:01:40
  What about oily men going? Yeah, yeah, and I'm fine with
• 1:01:45
  it. One thing I did notice about the
• 1:01:47
  puppet, though, is that his pupils dilate.
• 1:01:49
  It's like, oh, that's a nice touch.
• 1:01:52
  That is a nice touch. Yeah.
• 1:01:54
  So I love that you've made a note of that.
• 1:01:55
  And that's something you just wanted to kind of.
• 1:01:58
  They spent that $1,000,000, you know.
• 1:02:00
  Yeah. Anyway, Sheng Sung then abducts
• 1:02:06
  Sonia and takes her to Out World, where Raiden can't
• 1:02:08
  follow. And again, this is all part of
• 1:02:11
  the rules of the contest. I'm sure we're all following
• 1:02:14
  along. Raiden says to to Liu Kang.
• 1:02:17
  I have nothing left to teach you.
• 1:02:19
  I mean, we haven't seen him teach him anything.
• 1:02:21
  Anything. But that's fine.
• 1:02:23
  Johnny and Liu Kang go to Out World.
• 1:02:26
  On the way they're attacked by Reptile.
• 1:02:30
  I actually cackled when the techno came back in.
• 1:02:33
  Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Cackled.
• 1:02:35
  It's so good. Do you know who that song is?
• 1:02:39
  No, it's Tracy Lords. Is it?
• 1:02:43
  Oh my God, it's an. Instrumental version of a Tracy
• 1:02:45
  Lords song Oh Wow called Control and it is an exceptional song.
• 1:02:57
  Originally, when they were trying to sell the soundtrack to
• 1:02:59
  this, they were like, Oh yeah, Electro music, electronic dance
• 1:03:03
  music. Great.
• 1:03:03
  We'll get Janet Jackson. Now they ended up with Lords of
• 1:03:09
  Acid who didn't want their name to be on it, so they rebranded
• 1:03:13
  themselves as The Immortals. This album went platinum.
• 1:03:17
  Yeah, it was. It was the biggest selling EDM
• 1:03:20
  record or some fastest selling EDM record of all of all time at
• 1:03:23
  this point. Mental, mental.
• 1:03:25
  This was the other fight scene that was added in post, which
• 1:03:28
  again, I think you can tell because they they once again get
• 1:03:31
  punched into another arena. Yeah, where it's just where the
• 1:03:35
  fight takes place. This.
• 1:03:37
  Also I'm glad they did Add all of this shit because you could
• 1:03:39
  imagine now I know they are making a new one but with these
• 1:03:44
  like. They made.
• 1:03:45
  It yeah, that it's coming out soon in the summer, I think.
• 1:03:49
  Another new one. Yeah, a brand new one.
• 1:03:52
  But like you can imagine now with these prequels, they are so
• 1:03:55
  fucking slow. It would be 2 1/2 hours long
• 1:03:58
  that you could imagine. They would just be all origin
• 1:04:00
  story. There would be no fight and then
• 1:04:02
  right at the end they'd play the theme and it would be like.
• 1:04:05
  You're right. And they're just like, no, add
• 1:04:09
  more fights. It's based on a computer game,
• 1:04:11
  yeah, where all you do is fight. So and make it happen.
• 1:04:15
  I think they could have cut maybe one or two fights for a
• 1:04:19
  couple more scenes with characters.
• 1:04:21
  You're so traditional. Just one or two, not the good
• 1:04:25
  ones, but I think it would have overall made the film make some
• 1:04:30
  amount of sense. Yeah.
• 1:04:33
  And then Cortana is there in Outworld, and she says to Liu
• 1:04:36
  Kang in the Black Tower, you will face three challenges.
• 1:04:39
  You must face your enemy, you must face yourself, and you must
• 1:04:43
  face your greatest fear. This movie loves the big
• 1:04:46
  proclamation, as though that is enough to create the stakes.
• 1:04:49
  But it has again nothing to do with anything happening.
• 1:04:52
  And also, it really sets it up for something exciting to
• 1:04:55
  happen. Like, it really doesn't pan out
• 1:04:57
  like that, does it? But then we cut to the tower and
• 1:05:02
  there is Sonia. Wow, wow, they the gods have
• 1:05:08
  been doing yes gods with her. She has had a big back home
• 1:05:13
  moment. She's in kind of like a leather.
• 1:05:15
  Corset a leather pleated corset dress situation.
• 1:05:19
  She's very damseled. She's like fully spread eagled
• 1:05:22
  she looks. How does that work in like a
• 1:05:25
  hostage situation where you get a, you get a makeover?
• 1:05:29
  Yeah, like who gave it to her? Shang Song.
• 1:05:32
  And like, yeah, like. And how does it work?
• 1:05:34
  It's like I've captured you. Now sit down because I'm going
• 1:05:36
  to beat your face. Again, it's actually very
• 1:05:40
  crystal Connors coded. You know that the the showgirl
• 1:05:43
  scene where they're slaves, it's.
• 1:05:46
  Very bad. I love Shang Sung is like a
• 1:05:50
  lesbian Dom who's like, yes, first let me get you out of this
• 1:05:54
  Janet Jackson look. And it's into something a little
• 1:05:57
  sexier. I I can see you in brown
• 1:06:00
  leather. Yeah.
• 1:06:02
  Actually they don't give a fuck about the tournament.
• 1:06:04
  These are all power play games between the two of them.
• 1:06:09
  There's always someone younger and hungrier anyway.
• 1:06:14
  But yeah, she looks amazing and it is just, it's just so
• 1:06:17
  ridiculous. I watched this movie by myself
• 1:06:19
  and there were multiple times when I just cackled out.
• 1:06:23
  Loud to myself. This was a pure cackle to me,
• 1:06:25
  yeah. And I was watching it by myself
• 1:06:27
  as well. But this was like a pure cackle
• 1:06:29
  of joy. Yeah.
• 1:06:30
  It's so great if you're listening to this and you're
• 1:06:33
  imagining big hair, but you're not imagining enough hair,
• 1:06:36
  especially because this character has only been in a
• 1:06:38
  tight ponytail this entire movie so far.
• 1:06:42
  Feminism. Liu Kang arrives.
• 1:06:46
  He fights Shang Sung. I like him saying no.
• 1:06:50
  I challenge you while he's stripping.
• 1:06:52
  Yeah, Yeah, that was a nice touch, wasn't it?
• 1:06:54
  Yeah. And then Cortana, like, calls
• 1:06:58
  back to that thing she's just warned Liu Kang about the three
• 1:07:01
  things he's going to have to face first, face your enemy.
• 1:07:04
  And Shang Sung then summons a bunch of dead warriors to fight
• 1:07:08
  for him. I love these warriors because
• 1:07:10
  they all enter Destiny's Child Super Bowl style.
• 1:07:17
  They've all been fired from a cannon from under the stage, and
• 1:07:21
  they're all doing their best to land it like Michelle.
• 1:07:25
  Well, you know she's going to put on a production, don't you?
• 1:07:29
  I mean, one thing Crystal Connors knows, it's how to put
• 1:07:31
  on a show. Yeah, again, this would have
• 1:07:35
  been such an easy plot fix, but we've already seen at this
• 1:07:38
  point, Shang Sung murder and drain the souls of two people
• 1:07:42
  that, like, had fights. Why didn't they come back to
• 1:07:45
  fight? Why didn't Arlene come out of
• 1:07:47
  the ground to have to fight Liu Kang?
• 1:07:49
  Yeah, great. Yeah.
• 1:07:50
  That would have. You know, no, but no.
• 1:07:53
  It's just five more faceless men that do not matter anyway.
• 1:07:57
  Liu Kang beats them and then it's Face yourself, which
• 1:08:01
  nothing happens. No Lu Kang.
• 1:08:04
  Lu Kang handles that trial just by saying I will fight you.
• 1:08:09
  I think it is. Yeah, like it's there's nothing
• 1:08:14
  to report there at all. It's bananas, and then it's face
• 1:08:18
  your greatest fear. And so Lu Kang and Sheng Sung
• 1:08:23
  are standing face to face, quite close, and then Sheng
• 1:08:26
  shapeshifts into his dead brother, and Lu Kang's like,
• 1:08:30
  what? You're dead, it can't really be
• 1:08:38
  you. No, you've literally just
• 1:08:40
  watched him transform in front of your very eyes.
• 1:08:44
  And as we know, if you're going to shapeshift, you need to do it
• 1:08:48
  in a smart way. Allah, Evelyn, and Masters of
• 1:08:52
  the Universe, like she knows what she's doing.
• 1:08:54
  Yeah. Go behind a door, come back in.
• 1:08:57
  Yeah. And then get what you need, then
• 1:09:00
  give a hug, then pull out and be like ha ha ha, it was me you
• 1:09:04
  fucking loser. Courtney Cox.
• 1:09:08
  Anyway, then Liu Kang says I'm the chosen 1.
• 1:09:11
  Sure, yeah, whatever. And then?
• 1:09:14
  And then Fireball blasts Shangsong off his stage onto
• 1:09:20
  some spikes. I mean, it's a very unremarkable
• 1:09:23
  way to kill the final boss, isn't it really?
• 1:09:26
  No it definitely wasn't giving you must based your 3 greatest
• 1:09:29
  fears. But Sheng Sung melts, and then
• 1:09:33
  all of the souls he stored escape and Orbital plays, which
• 1:09:40
  is the song that's also featured at the end of Mean Girls.
• 1:09:43
  Oh, I love that. Yeah.
• 1:09:49
  Well, no, we say, we say goodbye to his brother.
• 1:09:54
  And that is where possibly the worst special effects are used.
• 1:09:59
  The CGI way that he's just sort of like a blue sort of frozen
• 1:10:04
  moment where he sort of goes back to Scott, the sky as an
• 1:10:07
  Angel. And it's just very shit.
• 1:10:11
  It's like such bad. It's like, am I watching this an
• 1:10:14
  episode of like, it's Strictly Come Dancing at Christmas?
• 1:10:18
  It's giving like a snowman coming to life like blue blue,
• 1:10:22
  you're so right going around. And then we're back on Earth and
• 1:10:26
  our heroes are like, woo Hoo, we did it and Sonia is.
• 1:10:30
  Like, Oh yeah, he and what's his name like with It's like, oh,
• 1:10:34
  you crazy Earthlings. Yeah, I you did.
• 1:10:38
  Great. And then the sky opens and the
• 1:10:42
  emperor attacks and everybody gets into fighting formation and
• 1:10:46
  the movie ends and. I I just wrote stunning ending.
• 1:10:52
  Stunning ending, No notes. Literally stunning ending.
• 1:10:56
  It was just it was just so weird.
• 1:11:00
  And again, like the big end moment of like what the fuck
• 1:11:05
  this big like monster evil demon thing.
• 1:11:07
  And it's like, again, they've literally just given up on CGI
• 1:11:11
  at this point. It's so bananas.
• 1:11:16
  I mean, I know this whole movie is nonsense garbage, but it is
• 1:11:19
  my nonsense garbage and I love it.
• 1:11:22
  I love it so much. I love that it ends with Sonia
• 1:11:25
  in that blowout and the leather dress.
• 1:11:27
  This for me is like such a good example.
• 1:11:30
  Like we got all pissy about Van Helsing, but it's because we
• 1:11:35
  were bored by Van Helsing. Whereas this, this film is one
• 1:11:38
  of those ones where it's a pile of shit.
• 1:11:41
  But like you're not bored. There's there's always something
• 1:11:44
  happening and it's it's enjoyable and it's yeah, it's a
• 1:11:48
  hot steaming turd, but I loved every second of it it.
• 1:11:53
  It's so fun. Know what's happening.
• 1:11:56
  Oh techno song, oh oily men, oh sexy lady, oh porn star coded
• 1:12:03
  Australian cockney man, oh blowouts.
• 1:12:07
  It's just constant, constant constant.
• 1:12:10
  And, and for a film that is meant to be like targeted to
• 1:12:14
  straight CIS men and should, it should really be very, very
• 1:12:17
  masked. It really isn't that mask.
• 1:12:21
  It's a spine. There are so many mask people.
• 1:12:23
  It's when mask goes so far it comes background to gay.
• 1:12:27
  Yeah, it's just. Like I can't imagine in the year
• 1:12:29
  2025 straight men watching this and being like, yeah bro it is
• 1:12:34
  so gay. I don't know though, because
• 1:12:37
  have you seen like those viral clips of like those all male
• 1:12:41
  retreats where you like, go and you just train all day and eat
• 1:12:44
  steak and you just meditate and you think about man things and
• 1:12:50
  you channel your sexual energy back into your body like they're
• 1:12:54
  still doing this. But do you get that from this?
• 1:12:57
  Because I'm I just don't. I just see like the girls.
• 1:13:01
  I think that's what they're trying to do.
• 1:13:03
  But watching it as a gay person, you're just like, well, this
• 1:13:06
  just seems very silly for everyone.
• 1:13:09
  Yeah, I'm just like, I don't believe any of them could win a
• 1:13:12
  fight either. I'm like, I know they're all
• 1:13:15
  ripped and stuff, but maybe Sonia.
• 1:13:17
  But I'm just like everyone else. I'm just like.
• 1:13:18
  Yeah, it's. The girls are fighting.
• 1:13:21
  Yeah, it's it's got that kind of Kung Fu movie sort of thing
• 1:13:25
  where things are so pretty that it doesn't feel like real
• 1:13:28
  violence is taking place. And also as well, because they
• 1:13:32
  didn't want to have an R rating, they couldn't do anywhere near
• 1:13:35
  as much violence as the computer games, because the computer
• 1:13:37
  games are like, wildly violent, aren't they?
• 1:13:40
  Yeah, the computer games set off a moral panic around violence
• 1:13:43
  and games. It's the reason that games have
• 1:13:45
  ratings is because of Mortal Kombat.
• 1:13:48
  Yeah, and they weren't allowed to do that.
• 1:13:49
  I mean, their target audience was teenage boys.
• 1:13:51
  It was me. And even Even so, I wasn't
• 1:13:56
  allowed to see it. I wasn't old enough.
• 1:13:57
  So they had to do it. It would have made the movie
• 1:14:00
  better if there'd been a bit more blood and guts.
• 1:14:03
  Yeah. You haven't seen Mortal Kombat
• 1:14:05
  2, have you? No, but I really want to see it
• 1:14:08
  now because. Yeah, I think we do need to
• 1:14:10
  cover it at some point because it takes everything that's bad
• 1:14:15
  about this movie and turns it to like 1000.
• 1:14:18
  Right. OK, perfect.
• 1:14:20
  It's it's so much worse. It's so much worse.
• 1:14:25
  And that is an an achievement in itself because.
• 1:14:28
  It's got 4% on Rotten Tomatoes, and I'll just very quickly tell
• 1:14:32
  you it starts exactly where this movie cuts off.
• 1:14:36
  That is where it opens, but they've replaced almost every
• 1:14:39
  cast member. Oh, I love that so much.
• 1:14:42
  I love that so much. So even the king of sequels
• 1:14:45
  isn't in it. No, even Johnny Cage isn't.
• 1:14:47
  He had better offers, I guess. The only people holding still.
• 1:14:51
  Yeah, the only people who are still in it are Liu Kang and
• 1:14:55
  Cortana. Oh, she's in it.
• 1:14:57
  She's an OG, yeah. Everyone else recast and like
• 1:15:00
  the new Sonia. Oh.
• 1:15:02
  OK, OK. Wonderful, Wonderful.
• 1:15:05
  I need to see that then. Yeah, Yeah.
• 1:15:08
  And it's amazing. This was such a big hit.
• 1:15:10
  Yeah, yeah, it's it's funny one. I, I, I it is a bad, bad movie,
• 1:15:18
  but some of it is. You're not going to agree with
• 1:15:23
  me here. I think the sets and nothing's
• 1:15:29
  green screened yet. I don't know.
• 1:15:31
  There's something like gritty and real that I like about it,
• 1:15:35
  but I like the visual quality of it.
• 1:15:38
  And at the same time it's like so much nonsense is happening
• 1:15:40
  that but when you add those two things together, I'm just having
• 1:15:43
  a nice time. I'm.
• 1:15:44
  Definitely with you. I think it's, it's, yeah, it's
• 1:15:47
  very like 90s movie. It, it kind of reminds me of a
• 1:15:50
  hook for some reason. Yes, the sets are very hook.
• 1:15:54
  Yeah, yeah. But I don't know if it's a good
• 1:15:58
  movie in any capacity though. No.
• 1:16:02
  I think it's interesting. It's interesting to me that a
• 1:16:04
  film that could be so successful and have things that like pin it
• 1:16:09
  so like the biggest selling EDM album, blah blah blah, all of
• 1:16:13
  that. But yes, it does feel like a
• 1:16:15
  flop. Like this has absolutely hardly
• 1:16:19
  any ongoing legacy. Do you not think I think there's
• 1:16:22
  a generation of straight men who love of this movie?
• 1:16:26
  Oh really? That's.
• 1:16:26
  Not like a good legacy to have. No, but I can't.
• 1:16:29
  I can't. Yeah.
• 1:16:30
  I don't think I've crossed paths with those people.
• 1:16:33
  Yeah, but it just doesn't feel like commercial to me, which is
• 1:16:36
  a benefit. It feels like despite it did
• 1:16:39
  well at the box office, it feels like a kind of a cult gem rather
• 1:16:42
  than a mainstream. I know what you mean.
• 1:16:45
  I think that is partially because none of the actors had a
• 1:16:48
  career. It's just starring no one and
• 1:16:52
  everyone's just doing their best.
• 1:16:54
  I'm sad that there's a new one coming out.
• 1:16:56
  They made one like 2 years ago. Yeah, have you seen that one?
• 1:17:00
  Yeah, I think it was like, fine. It was just like watered down,
• 1:17:06
  so it didn't have the joy, right.
• 1:17:08
  Bam. Oh, so it's the sequel Mortal
• 1:17:12
  Kombat 2 that's coming? Oh wow, it's been delayed.
• 1:17:14
  It was meant to be released in October.
• 1:17:16
  It's been delayed till May. Wow.
• 1:17:18
  Which I think means it's gonna flop if they're already delaying
• 1:17:23
  it. Yeah, definitely doesn't need
• 1:17:26
  that. That doesn't need to happen.
• 1:17:28
  Although I probably am going to go watch that remake when we get
• 1:17:32
  off this call. I'm down so far down the rabbit
• 1:17:37
  hole that I'll just continue consuming Mortal Kombat content.
• 1:17:40
  Yeah, I think it needs to be done, I think.
• 1:17:42
  I don't have anything else to say about this movie.
• 1:17:44
  No, I think, I think it would be giving it far too much justice
• 1:17:48
  to give it any more Like like critique.
• 1:17:52
  There's no themes to discuss here, but we did somehow manage
• 1:17:55
  to talk about it for a very long time and.
• 1:17:57
  Because there's lots to talk about as well.
• 1:17:59
  There's nothing to talk about but like, so much.
• 1:18:02
  So much. I could still carry on talking
• 1:18:04
  about that silver bouncy blowout wig.
• 1:18:09
  OK, well let's rate this movie. OK, so Merrells and Liza's.
• 1:18:14
  Ten Merrells, up to 10 Merrells for the quality and up to 10
• 1:18:17
  Liza's or the camp factor. Oh.
• 1:18:21
  OK, I'm going to give the production design a few bones.
• 1:18:27
  Yeah. And I I want to give the Shang
• 1:18:29
  Sung actor a couple of crumbs as well.
• 1:18:33
  Yeah, and by crumbs I do mean crumbs.
• 1:18:35
  Like I think I'm going to give it a 2 for Merrill.
• 1:18:38
  OK, yeah, OK. I was actually going to give it
• 1:18:41
  a three. OK.
• 1:18:43
  Yeah, I just, no, it's. It kind of like if you think
• 1:18:47
  about it. No, it's just production.
• 1:18:48
  It's just production. Yeah.
• 1:18:49
  It's just that it looks good. I mean, two.
• 1:18:53
  I'll, I'll sit on the 2 with you.
• 1:18:54
  Yeah. OK, great.
• 1:18:55
  Oh, you'll sit on a 2? Sit on A2 with you, OK?
• 1:18:59
  But what about Liza's? How camp is this movie?
• 1:19:02
  I mean, before we were talking today in the podcast, I, I, I
• 1:19:07
  hadn't come up with a score in my head, but I wasn't kind of as
• 1:19:11
  camp feeling as I have been talking to you.
• 1:19:13
  Like literally going through it. It feels ridiculously camp in so
• 1:19:18
  many ways. I've talked you up.
• 1:19:20
  It's, it's a different type of camp.
• 1:19:22
  This is like the type of camp where it's just so bad, but
• 1:19:25
  there's so many bad decisions that just make it.
• 1:19:27
  It's pure accidental camp. There's no like, even when they
• 1:19:31
  did the backcombing makeover, I don't think they really knew
• 1:19:34
  what what it was going to be doing to people like us watching
• 1:19:37
  it. So there's something about that
• 1:19:40
  type of camp that is so delicious.
• 1:19:43
  Yeah, I was nervous doing this movie because I knew how
• 1:19:48
  important it was in my childhood.
• 1:19:50
  And I was like, I'm going to be really biased.
• 1:19:52
  I'm not going to be able to think about this movie
• 1:19:54
  objectively. Hadn't seen it in like 30 years
• 1:19:57
  probably, but actually watching it, I was like, Oh no, I've I've
• 1:20:00
  had a lovely camp time with it. Yeah, it's not like my campus of
• 1:20:04
  all time. It's too heterosexual,
• 1:20:05
  ultimately, I think, to be like one of the greats.
• 1:20:09
  But also imagine doing a screening of this where everyone
• 1:20:12
  is drunk. I just.
• 1:20:23
  Think I think it's got legs, I really do.
• 1:20:25
  But you're right, it's not, it's not like an ultimate camp.
• 1:20:27
  I'm going to go 9 though because it is really really camping.
• 1:20:30
  I love that I. Have so much, I have so much joy
• 1:20:35
  watching it and like and I just normally hate anything that's
• 1:20:39
  too Hetty, but I just even this is just sure they're all Hetty,
• 1:20:43
  but really they're all massive benders really, I think.
• 1:20:48
  Wow, I can't believe we got a nine out of you for this.
• 1:20:51
  Am I going to? Am I going to meet you at A9?
• 1:20:54
  Yeah. I think for your heart's telling
• 1:20:55
  you. I think for my inner child, I'm
• 1:20:58
  there with you. Yes.
• 1:21:01
  Fatality. It's a nine.
• 1:21:08
  Can you see how flush I've gotten talking about this movie?
• 1:21:11
  Yeah, it really has done something to you, hasn't it?
• 1:21:16
  This. This film, it is so stupid and I
• 1:21:19
  want people that listen to the podcast to watch this and
• 1:21:22
  because it's way better than fucking scream.
• 1:21:25
  If you want a camp fucking. Thrill, Michael Yeah, Listen to
• 1:21:30
  it after. I mean, watch it.
• 1:21:32
  I mean, you've already listened to this episode, so I can't tell
• 1:21:34
  you what to do in the past, but hopefully you haven't watched
• 1:21:37
  it. You have listened to this and
• 1:21:39
  now you can watch it and just substitute out Gina Gershon for
• 1:21:44
  the whole movie. Can I also have one more
• 1:21:46
  request? Actually, I would like another,
• 1:21:50
  another female fighter in it. Yeah, there should have been.
• 1:21:55
  There should have been, you know, to just have someone on
• 1:21:57
  the dark side would have been, would have been good.
• 1:22:00
  There was supposed to be a fight between Sonia and Jade who was
• 1:22:06
  like an evil hench woman of Shang Song but they didn't film
• 1:22:09
  it. Yeah, that's what I needed.
• 1:22:11
  That would have probably tilted it to attend for me.
• 1:22:14
  Cool. Well, should we finish this
• 1:22:16
  podcast? I've already finished well.
• 1:22:20
  We recorded well. I think I'm built myself up to
• 1:22:23
  finish again, so if you want to finish me, now's your chance.
• 1:22:28
  Just channel my inner Goro. 4 hands wanking.
• 1:22:34
  Bye bye. Get away from her, you bitch.
• 1:22:41
  Classic. He was in the Amazon with my mom
• 1:22:44
  when she was researching spiders right before she died.
• 1:22:48
  No, Hannah, I thought you become a prostitute.
• 1:22:54
  You're a. GOG at it.
• 1:22:55
  I used to love doggy chow. I used to love doggy chow too.
• 1:23:02
  Oh dear.