Latest / The Daily Sarcast / October 8th, 2026: The Woman Who Won't Die, The Woman Caught Cheating A Marathon And Mattress Shopping

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October 8th, 2026: The Woman Who Won't Die, The Woman Caught Cheating A Marathon And Mattress Shopping · The Daily Sarcast

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  Introducing the pause button, the revolutionary new service that pauses your
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  entire world for 24 hours.
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  With just a simple click of a button, everyone stops, everything stops,
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  and literally nothing happens.
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  Your boss isn't working, your
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  friends aren't texting, your bills aren't due, your family is all good.
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  Nobody is having a conversation that you're missing.
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  You can eat, you can sleep, you can watch TV, you can literally just stare at the wall.
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  And then 24 hours later, or whenever you're ready, you can press play and the
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  world continues exactly where you left it. The pause button.
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  Because sometimes you don't need a vacation. You just need everything to stop.
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  I'm gonna Hulk out. You won't like me when I'm angry. Mark Ruffalo on being
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  called out as the Hulk the other day at a political rally.
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  Insert theme song here this is the daily sarcast i give you the news and maybe
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  a laugh i'm lindsey vernick and today is october 8th 2026,
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  okay i don't know about you but this week on the sarcast has been feeling a
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  little too heavy for me i mean like yeah there's a lot of like not fun stuff
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  going on but i really want to get back to like,
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  the sarcast being sarcasty again so hopefully today, it'll be more sarcastic.
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  I mean, not hopefully. It will be. I wrote this.
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  I did this. So it's not as dark.
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  In real news, so as we all know, this woman in Tennessee was like kind of executed
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  last week. Well, okay, like they tried to kill her and it didn't work.
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  So she went into critical condition and now she's awake and talking and she's
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  just very confused about what happened.
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  Her name is Krista Pike. She's 50 years old, and she's been on death row in
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  Tennessee for decades after she was convicted of the 1995 beating and stabbing
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  of a 19-year-old classmate, Colleen Semmer.
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  So, as we know, Tennessee tried to kill her by lethal injection,
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  but it went very, very, very wrong.
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  Like, five minutes after it started, she raised her head and was like,
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  my arm's hurting. And then she, like, lost consciousness, but she was breathing
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  super heavy for, like, more than an hour.
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  And then they, like, awkwardly shut the curtains. You know how you can,
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  like, watch someone being executed on death row? But then they,
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  like, had to, like, awkwardly close the curtains because, like,
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  she wasn't dead and she wasn't going to die.
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  So then, instead of being pronounced dead, she was taken to the hospital,
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  and they're thinking that there was a problem with her IV,
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  so the IV line may not have been placed properly, so the drug didn't go into,
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  like, the right bloodstream or, like, the right way that it was supposed to.
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  But she has been unconscious for almost six days.
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  Like, she was on a ventilator and in critical condition, and then on Tuesday,
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  they were, like the doctors were like, let's take her off life support. And then she woke up.
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  And Krista was like, where am I? Who are you? Like, not kidding.
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  That's literally what she said when she woke up.
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  And then she was angry and confused, but then like started to kind of understand what happened there.
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  According to the Death Penalty Information Center, she is the first person that
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  we know of like ever to survive being administered lethal injection drugs during
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  an execution and surviving.
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  But she's, like, not recovered, though. She can't move her arms or swallow.
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  She has pneumonia, a blood clot in her arms, severe swelling in her hands,
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  and, like, still a lot of confusion.
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  So now, obviously, her attorneys are like, can we just commute her death sentence to life in prison?
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  But the governor isn't sure if he's down to do that or not.
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  Tennessee has put its other scheduled executions for this year on hold while
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  they investigate what just happened with that whole thing.
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  And the state's prison chief also just quit. But it's not over yet.
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  The exact same day that Tennessee was dealing with this crazy failed execution,
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  Texas was preparing to do its own execution.
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  And when the lawyers for the Texas inmate found out about the failed execution,
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  they were like, wait, can we stop hours then?
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  But the court was like, no, no, no, you still have to go through with this.
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  So that's awkward for that guy in Texas.
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  So now the state is trying to figure out what to do with Krista Pike.
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  My vote is just put the girl out of her misery and just like kill her again.
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  Literally just like kill the girl. Like she's already dealing with so much. Like she has pneumonia.
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  She can't swallow. She's in so much pain. Just, just put a pillow on her face. Something.
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  I mean, there's so many ways to kill somebody.
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  I probably should not be saying that on a podcast to public, but you know what I mean.
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  Okay, so the FBI stopped a apparent terror attack at the Mall of America.
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  And the FBI strategy here sounds something like a very stressful episode of The Americans.
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  So the FBI says that it arrested this 18-year-old guy from Minnesota who was
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  going to carry out this mass shooting at the Mall of America.
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  He was arrested on Tuesday in a public park just like a few miles from the mall.
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  The FBI says that they've been monitoring him for like two years now.
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  And when they were like, oh, he's about to do it, an undercover FBI actually
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  pretended that he was a part of ISIS and sold him the gun that he was going to use.
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  And then as soon as he had the gun and the ammunition, the FBI arrested him.
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  I guess they literally had to just like give him the evidence and put it in front of him.
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  The fbi says that he wanted to attack non-muslims at mall of america and was
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  specifically planning the attack for october 24th october 24th is the date of
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  a scheduled art celebration by this like certain community at the mall,
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  it's minnesota's largest asian ethnic group,
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  so that's good that the fbi stopped a terror attack and another mass shooting
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  we just knocked one off of like the however many knows how many we have by now
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  all right like i said we're gonna keep this more fun today.
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  So for the last story today, we have a fitness influencer who was running the
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  Berlin Marathon and then got disqualified.
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  Her name is Yunnan Yunnan Sun. She's 30 years old and she's from China and she
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  has more than half a million followers on social where she's always posting
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  about running and fitness.
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  She ran the Berlin Marathon back in September and she finished in almost five hours. Amazing, right?
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  I mean, I don't know how long it takes to run a marathon, but that sounds nice,
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  so she was very excited about it because she said it was a personal best and
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  she like posted a ton of photos afterwards with her medal,
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  except one little thing happened after when you are a social media influencer
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  or you're well known there's people are following you so photos eventually resurfaced
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  showing son sitting on the back of a bicycle,
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  during the final like miles of the race.
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  So the people who ran the marathon saw the photos and they were like,
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  yeah, we're going to need that medal back now.
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  So now her time has officially been removed from the Berlin Marathon results
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  and she's been disqualified.
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  Like they are tracking you the whole time and they saw that her data was like kind of weird.
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  Like she covered the section about six minutes faster than she covered the previous five kilometers.
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  So Sun later apologized on her social media platform, Red Note,
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  where she has over 500,000 followers.
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  She acknowledged that she rode the bike during the race and she accepted that
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  she, you know, got disqualified.
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  I mean, if I were her, I would have done the same thing too.
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  If I saw a guy sitting on a bike nearby or like riding a bike connects to me
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  running, I'd be like, hey, can I get a ride?
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  Duh, who wants to actually run more than like a mile, let alone 26 miles?
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  I'm assuming now these marathons are going to have to start to clarify that
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  they cannot get on bicycles.
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  Rollerblades, scooters, Vespas are being carried by very fast men.
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  And everyone's going to look at that rule and be like, why do you have to put
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  that? And people will be like, well, somebody already tried doing that.
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  There's always rules for things that people have done and you're like wait that
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  exists and like yeah because somebody actually tried to do it,
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  in Lindsay life yesterday I went mattress shopping it is so weird and it's just
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  such a weird thing to do to just go mattress shopping on a Wednesday afternoon
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  because like literally what else am I doing with my life,
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  mattress shopping is so weird you like lay down on a bunch of different mattresses
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  You have to decide like which one you want to sleep on for like the next, I don't know, 10 years.
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  That's like a big commitment. Like 10 years. I have to commit to one bed for 10 years.
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  Even my lease for my apartment, that's yearly stresses me out.
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  This is too big of a decision. So I'm probably just not going to get a bed even
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  though my bed is broken. But like, again, how do you know what kind of mattress that you want?
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  Because some days I want a hard mattress, and some days I want a soft mattress,
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  and I can't just like commit to one thing.
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  Maybe that's why I'm still single at 31. Things I have never done once correctly.
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  Make a bed, parallel park, make the appropriate amount of pasta,
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  held onto a cell phone for the entire two-year span, and use an entire tube
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  of toothpaste without losing the cap.
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  Cooking tip of the day, defrost your meat out of the plastic before putting it in the pan.
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  Feedback, comments, questions, a nice Jewish boy looking for a date?
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  Email me at lindsay at thedailystarcast.com. Thank you so much for listening,
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  and I will talk to you guys tomorrow.