Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Friday feature - sex, lack of desire & foreplay

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Friday feature - sex, lack of desire & foreplay · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apologie, production, sex, feeling desired, all the juicy, spicy moments
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: and what we're kind of craving more of, which is
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: really cool. So it's gonna be really open today.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: This is a very vulnerable episode. Yeah.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I think it's so important to get clear on what
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: you're actually desiring, and it will change over the years
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: and over the seasons. Yeah, but once you're clear, communicate
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: that with your partner and then talk about how you
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: can make that happen. So it's for me, it was
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: little things like every morning or when we get home
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: from work, it's like a kiss and a cuddle and
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: it's cute. But I'm starting to like have a bigger hug.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I jump on Steve, wrap my legs around him for
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: a nice big bear hug instead of just a little
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: quick hug, instead of a little peck, Like holding that
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: kiss for a little bit longer, grabbing his face like
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: when he spects me on the ass in the kitchen.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: We're having fun, Like, get more playful with that. Don't
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: let that just be it, Like, extend it, even if
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: it's just a thirty second longer hug, Yeah, a thirty
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: second longer kiss, Like just those moments of presence and
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: juiciness and spiciness I think will really for me fill
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: up that cup and then overflow to more intimacy, more connection,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: more playfulness, because when you're younger and you don't have kids,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: you're so horny if fucking all the time, like you
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: are each other's.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: Number one prior. You have so much more energy.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: But it does get harder when you're running business and
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: having kids. But I also don't want to think, oh,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: like it's not possible. That was just us when we
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: were younger, like oh we used to do that. It's like, okay,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: that used to be us. But what I want now
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: and how can I bring more of that?
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: In making out that is something we're all like, great,
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: we have little things that are like quick and easy,
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: like we walk past other and Kirkfog's tongue out and
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: all of his tongue. Yeah, and we do like things
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: like that, like cheeky, playful things. But yeah, even when
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: he said, I'm like, well, you need to do it
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: more because it is so fun and it takes like
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: away from like the stress of the day. Like if
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: the kids like screaming, this is happening, that's happen in
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: a partner like looks at you and like does like
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: a bit cheeky, and he's kind of like, oh, that's
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: like nice.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: And how nice is kissing? And really, you know, like meditation,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: it stops you. You get so present and it's such
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: a beautiful moment, like making love, kissing, being intimate, hugging.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Like there are things that you just do with your
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: partner that separates you from being roommates or just like
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: co parenting in the same household.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: And I'm super aware of it.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: And I feel like so many couples normalize that, and
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: I get it because I know it's harder.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: But I don't want that to be my reality.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Like I want my kids to look at us and
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: go ookay and love they are like ill, gross, they're
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: kissing again, Like I want that to be the normal
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: because they get a role model what they see. I
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: love kissing, I love making love. I love being flirty
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: and playful and keeping my relationship and spark alive. So
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: I need to put more effort into doing that. But
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: it was cool to have that conversation with Steve for
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: him to be like, Okay, she's needy as fuck, but all.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: Right, So I'm saying that I was like, you are
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: the Kurt.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: I feel like Kurt's the one who's like wanting me,
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: and yeah, it's so funny. Funny is I think that
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: playful funness is really nice aspect of it. And it's
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: not too serious and it's not that like needy like
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: I want you.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Then it's like fun, not like a codependent need.
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: It's just like I just like you. Yes, I miss you.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: The kids had been at me all fucking.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Days, definitely, And sexual energy is so fun. It's that
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: thing that you just do with your partner. It's so
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: special and I don't even mean it has to be
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: like having sex every single day for me.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: Quality over quantity for sure when it comes to sex.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: But I think each day you can find sexual sensual, playful, juicy,
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: spicy moments that are almost the full play and the
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: lead up to what's coming.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: You know, for the actual deed of sex.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: I think it really excites me more when there's a
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: little bit we're talking about this. This is a little
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: more chase and like game playing, but it does feel fun.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: Have attached your partner, be like, what are you desire?
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  Speaker 3: What are you wanting more of? How can we make
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: our relationship more fun, Like you know, what could I
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: do differently? Tell them, express to them what you would like. Like,
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: it doesn't mean to be anything rude, Like I just
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: had a chat and I was like, hey, babe, I
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  Speaker 3: would love if like I could come on to you more.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: You know, it doesn't need to be like you're doing
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: this and you're doing that and I don't do that.
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: You can just be like, hey, i'd love to do that.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I love that, I said to you last night. The
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: question I haven't asked it even you probably haven't asked Kurt,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: but like, I would love to know what Steve's like
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: dream ideal partner is like if I asked him, I'm
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: sure he'd be like you babe, That's what Kurt says.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but break it down, like is.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: There things that I do that really annoy you or
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: turn you off? You're just like, is it an ick?
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Kurt told me I did ask these questions.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: It was all with the conversation cards again, so he
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: said to me, his it was when I decide I
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: want to do something, I get like obsessed about that thing,
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: or like say like if I go with you, okay,
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: we're gonna go do this right now? For grong glow.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: I'll like, just like hone in on something. He's like
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: sometimes just like go at a slower pace. I'll just like,
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: doesn't really get everything else that relationship, don't Nobodcause like
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: say I urt and I like gonna go up to
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: bed and I've got something i really want to do.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm gonna get this done.
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  Speaker 2: So he gets parked to the side.
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: Sometimes and I was like, yeah, I said to him.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: I was like, I can totally see that.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but it would just be like.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: One day, maybe a month. But if it's something that
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: I'm like really passionate excited about, He's like in those moments,
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: I can see you're so excited, but he's like, just
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: still give me a bit, yes, And I was like,
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: that's that's yeah.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I can say I heard. I can't remember the podcast.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: I'm so bad at like remembering where I start. I
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: remember it was some sort of couple and they were
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: talking about how they have monthly check ins. Yeah, and
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: I think that's such a cool idea. And I said
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: to say, what would you be open to doing this
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: because we'd love to go on date nights. It's like definitely,
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: And I said, well, do you want me to come
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: up with the questions do you want to come up with?
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: And he's like, if you want to, I was like, cool,
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: I love coming up with journal prompts, So I'm going
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: to come up with.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: The journal prompts.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Once a month we go on date night questions to
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: ask each other And that's going to be one of
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: my questions for him and form for both of us
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: to ask each other. What's your ideal partner? What do
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: I do that annoys you?
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  Speaker 3: Like?
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: What can I do better at? Is there something that
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: turns you on turns you off? Like I don't really
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: ask him that often. And because you have to remember,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: like I've been with Steve for nearly sixteen years this year,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: you guys are the same, and sixteen is it? It's
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: a long time to be with Some time things change,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: people change, like your opinions, your desires, your wants, the
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: things it turns you on and off, like it changes
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: all the time. Constantly be checking in with each other.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: It's just so important.
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: Those conversation cards, they're so great. Honestly, we brought another
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: big you know, the blue ones that we did together
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: in one of those episodes, so you can get a
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: whole big pack of them. I got a big pack
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: and they're really great, like really great questions obviously, that's
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: why they made them in a big pack, four.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Hundred of them.
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  Speaker 3: So Kurt and I just pull them out and we've
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: been doing them a lot, like at least once a week,
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: and it brings up things you don't even think about.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: Yes, how good.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: It just prompts in general, like.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: And not only for your plant of with yourself like
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Ye and I did the other day we have their
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: red table talk ones and it was like, yeah, things
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: about when he asked me like whoa, I didn't.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Really realize that was sitting on the surface. And then
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: things about him were.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Like wow, I didn't know he felt that about himself,
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: And that can help me have more compassion understanding to
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: why he does that. Cool, I'm going to like leaning
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: and like love on him a bit more there and
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: support him more. There.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: Such a good idea, aren't they?
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: And there's endless Like I know, one of the girls
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: in our Facebook community asks which runs we had, but
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: literally jump onto Google and type in conversation started cards.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: There's hundreds of brands that are doing it now. There's
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: so many options. I feel like when you've done a pack,
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: you probably would need new ones. It's something you'll probably
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: buy different much.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, try new ones. But yeah, that's a.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Conversation we had. And I really was talking to Kiara
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: about and my girlfriend the Dean and just that want
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: to feeling more desired and like I love the word
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: spicy turns me out. I'm like, oh, spicy, saucy, like juicy, Like.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: It's so yummy and exciting and I want more of that.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think when you are pregnant and you've
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: been breastfeeding and you're kind of just finding your feet,
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: I'm feel like I'm kind of out of that baby
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: baby stage now and really like feeling like myself again,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: feeling confident again, and can put more time and focus
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: into Steve and I because it's so on the baby
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: when they're young, which is hobnot you know, necessary, But
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I'm ready to like pour back into my relationship.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: Yes, and I feel like to as of this to Kurt,
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: I feel like this year for us, with having two
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: kids at school, yeah, we're gonna notice we'll have more
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: time and.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Space well work together all day every day.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: But it's so hard to change the like work versus
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: I guess we work together, but a lot of our
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: work is separate. Now he does a lot of level
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: of stories I help out with, like obviously photo shoots
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: we do together, yes, and stop barking, but usually he
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: does like the supply stuff and I just choose it.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: But it's that thing though, of being like hey, switch
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: off like now, yes, you know, like let's go do
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: an hour and we just need to do a date
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: time in the day. Yeah, And I said to car
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: I love to go do like a different fun actively
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: like a hike one week, golf one week, just an
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: hour or half an hour.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: So beautiful, Just something fun that can be like in
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: our goal sitting session, you guys every eight weeks, do
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: something yeah, different like set of date.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, something fun?
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Love it so good? Well, I hope you guys enjoyed
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: that episode. We're very open.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: We're an open book.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: I don't think anything's off the table, Like I think
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: these are conversations that should be had more often. And
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: maybe like you don't have girlfriends close girlfriends to talk
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: about this with, or maybe it's something you're carrying a
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: bit of shame around.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, even then, make out every day, like when you
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: ask me. I was like, oh no, you don't, and
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: like maybe this will make you also not feel so
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: like bad about like okay, they don't do it either.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it's not like.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: It was nice to talk to you and my girlfriends
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: about it.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: But I think sex conversations a lot of people carry
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: shame around, or they think what they're desiring might be
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: bad or dirty or slutty you or shaming, and there's
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: all these labels, and it's like, who said that who
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: you're desiring is true and valid and cool and okay
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: and beautiful