Latest / From Sad Pick Me Girl to Alchemist / Episode 8- Stop Blaming the World for Your Reality
Transcript
- Denise: Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of From Sad Pick Me Girl to Alchemist. If you're new here, my name is Denise, and here I share about my journey to self-love, how spirituality helped me come back to myself, and I am sharing my stories in order to help the people who are listening to do the same. So with that, today I want to touch on a topic I am super fired up about, and it's how we have to stop blaming everyone else for the way that we move about in the world. I have begun sharing a lot of my beliefs and the things that I've gone through as an individual on social media. And what I've realized is the world is filled with negativity. So many people blaming people for the way that they perceive the world and they're just going about in the world in such a negative light. And I have done everything in my power to shift my mindset because I lived about and I moved about in the world in a very negative way my entire life. And up until recently, I would say within the past three years, I started the shift and in the last couple of months I've become t I've started fully embodying this optimistic person. That doesn't mean that I don't acknowledge that some things in the world are bad and that bad does happen, but I am choosing to live a life with purpose and attract those who are also doing the same, acknowledging that yes, we we can improve. There are many areas we can improve on in a on an individual level on A global level, but it all starts with us. And so, contrary to what you might think, you have the power to change the world. And of course, it doesn't have to be on a mass level, but understand that you, as an individual, are playing part in the collective. And your job and the way that you help the world is by focusing on yourself and making yourself a better human. Because if everyone did that, think about how much greater the world would be. So, what I have been saying is that so many people blame. other people for the way that they are or other people for the way that they perceive things or they blame their childhood for the way that they act. And I have shared. I did not have a perfect life. And I'm not gonna sit in a pair comparison game and say that, you know, some people had it worse. Because I would say that the things that I'd gone through were heavy. I'm not comparing. I'm not saying they're the heaviest. Of course there's always someone that had it worse and there's always someone that had it better. But I've had to go through a lot of shit and I had to unlearn a unlearn a lot of unhealthy patterns and I've taken Accountability, I've acknowledged I'm not gonna blame, I'm not gonna sit here and be like, my father was terrible. My father was a human, he had a rough upbringing, and he did not have the resources or the knowledge or the self awareness to work on those things. He chose not to. That's his path, that's not my path. I still love him, I still wonder about him, and I hope that his soul, whenever he departs from this earth, he does better and he realizes where Where he could have gone and moved about in the world differently, but I cannot exhaust myself hoping that he does that in this lifetime. So I've let it go and I've taken what I need to to be a better person, to be a better partner, to be a better mother, and to just self-reflect. That doesn't mean I'm perfect. I'm not sitting here like I never have a bad thought and I never wish ill upon anyone. I try not to, I really do, because I don't, that's not the energy that won't I want to spread in this world. So I recently shared something about daddy issues and how it's funny that we men will poke fun at women for daddy issues or kind of use it as something demeaning when it's a result of a man's failure. And then in a caption, I elaborated, I said it though we did pick up patterns unconsciously from our parents, it's our jobs as adults to heal those wounds so that we don't pass it on to the next generation. And I didn't say this verbatim, but that's essentially the message that I was trying to spread. It is wild to me how many people just read that caption and not the full thing and just were like, yeah, let's blame the dance. Let's blame the dance. Let's yeah, yeah, yeah. women use that as an excuse to be slut. I'm like, did you you you missed you fucking missed the point. You totally missed the point, dude. And I give it minimal energy now because I realize those people are at such a low frequency that I cannot help them. Like clearly you have a perception of the world, and I, as an individual, cannot focus on shifting it for you, but I will continue to spread messages broadly, and the people who are ready to hear them will be receptive. The people who are not, I'm not here to impose my beliefs on people. If you're not ready to change, if you're not ready to see the world in a different light, then you're not ready. You're not part of that that collective who is trying to do better. And that's not to say you won't ever be, but you're not there now. And so I'm saying this from a space where I don't think I'm above anybody at all. I don't. I just think that some of us move about in the world with more consciousness and awareness that we're all part of this collective world and everything that we do impacts our reality. Everything. The way that we perceive the world. And what I realized is I I've been talking to different people, and one man in particular is sharing how his view on women, and he he sends me things that validate his view on women, where women are very self-serving and narcissistic, and they want a man who's sensitive but not too sensitive, and a man that provides. But doesn't provide too much. I mean, I'm like butchering per usual, but essentially the message is women are asking for things that are impossible to provide for a man to provide. And so his reality is showing him that. And I'm showing, I'm telling him, sure, like what you believe your world will mirror until you realize subconsciously that you're attracting that because you're telling yourself that's all that exists. And so I'm having with him because it's it's good to me or I think it's important for us to speak to people that have different beliefs and he's not saying it in a way to convince me, but he's saying that this is why I have this perception of women. And I'm telling him, understand, but It's very important for us as adults to realize that we dictate our reality, that our thoughts dictate our reality, our subconscious beliefs. And he asked me, okay, so I've been with, I think it was six, he has had six relationships. I d I don't know his age or anything like that, but and all six have cheated on him. And that's heavy. That's rough. And he said, I'm starting to think that there's something wrong with me. And I just told him, There's there's something that you're not looking at subconsciously. There's some sort of pattern that you're That you need to heal, and you may not even be aware of. So I'd encourage you to just look at it and really sit and take some time with yourself. And whether my words impact what he does or not is not up to me. But I want to continue to share messages on a level so that people understand how important it is that we shift our mindset. Because if not, you're going to continue and to attract exactly what you think the world is. So what I'm seeing is a lot of people out there, particularly when it comes to love and romance, because obviously as somebody who is single, I see a lot of people who are also looking for love. And when I say looking for love, it's because they have not found their person and they may be actively looking, may just be hoping that person falls on the lap. Whatever, you get it. So I see people telling themselves the narrative that, you know how it is out there. L love is hard to find. You know how it is. And I challenge that belief. I challenge that thought and I'm like, Mm, I don't I don't think so. And one of the women that I spoke to earlier this week was like, you know how it is. Like I was a woman in my forties and I decided, I really need to stay with my husband because like look at what's out there and I like, no, I d I don't I mean, I think the world is what we make of it. And people don't like when you challenge their beliefs. But I I sincerely believe that to my core. And it's funny because I used to move about in the world with that thought, like, my god, love is hard to find. I gotta stick with this person. I gotta make it work because look what's out there. Like I'm never gonna find somebody that attractive. my god. And I still sometimes grapple with the attraction part because it is difficult for me to develop attraction towards somebody. But I don't same all-consuming fear that allows me to put up with behaviors that I had put up with before. And so I want other people to feel that way. And that's not to say that you should replace the person that you love just because you're dealing with conflict. Because of course relationships come with their fair share of conflict. But that person has to want to Do better. They have to have a level of self-awareness. Both people have to have self-awareness, not just one. And so if someone is not willing to look at themselves, then that's not somebody that you can build a relationship with, a healthy relationship. This is in friendships, this is in romantic relationships, this is in familial. It doesn't matter. People have to have self-awareness to really be a high vibrational human. I don't you can't. I was gonna say I don't think, but no, I know that you cannot be a high vibrational human without self-awareness. And so what I wanted to bring to the surface, or what I wanted to make I wanted to make the point today, is that what I'm seeing is we have everybody making these blanket statements about the world and then getting angry because the world is showing them exactly what it is that they believe. And there nobody's wanting to and I'm not saying nobody, you know, that's let me rephrase that. Many people are not wanting to believe the bet the good because it's difficult. It's very difficult to think optimistically. We naturally want to gravitate towards that pessimistic thought or or predicting the worst case scenario. And I know biologically we're we were conditioned for that for survival to scan for danger. But you don't need to scan for danger anymore. Choose to see the good in the world. Because what I'm seeing as an observer is that men are saying that women are just out for they want money, or they want a man who doesn't show like shows emotion, but not too emotion, too much emotion, or that leads but doesn't try to boss them around. And so Men are thinking that women are holding them to an impossible standard, and to some extent they are. But also women are thinking, you know, men are just trying to keep their options open and they just want like women for a little while and they don't want to commit. And so women are gravitating towards the men that are like that. And men are gravitating towards the women that are proving their reality. And they're they're not finding that fulfilling love. They're just their thoughts are literally dictating the reality. And so what I encourage people to do is come home to themselves. That's how you do it. You sit back and you're like, what am I doing? What thought patterns am I creating that are that my reality is mirroring back to me? Because that's what it's about. It's those thought patterns. Because you can't make blanket statements and say every woman that that is on earth thinks that way. I don't. And I can't sit and say every man is the way, like, you know, they want options and they're all just lying because I'm speaking to men that I don't think are like that. So this just proves our thoughts dictate our reality. We can always find things to validate our belief systems. And I also want to touch on the fact that we are walking around in a place where a lot of people are wounded and they're not wanting to see that. Instead, they keep placing the blame outside of themselves. They keep saying, no, it's not my fault. It's the world. Look at the way the world is. awful. And then you see women, and I've seen even spiritual women, women who have a huge following, saying things like, yeah, we shouldn't glorify men doing the bare minimum. If he's opening the door for you and planning dates, he should be. Nobody should be doing anything. That is coming from a place of entitlement. How about appreciation? That's not the bare minimum. That is not the bare minimum. I'm gonna repeat that. That is not the bare minimum. That is treating a woman with respect. So if you say that a man opening the door for you is bare minimum, you're coming from a place of entitlement. You're not coming from a place where you can appreciate a man for what he's doing, a man for trying to take lead, a man for trying to allow you to be in your divine feminine. So to say that is insulting. Honestly. I I can't believe we live in a world where we women think they're entitled to this. You're not entitled to shit. And much the same way that men are not entitled to shit. Men, you're not entitled to a woman giving you wifey treatment when you treat them like an option. You're not. And you shouldn't think, yeah, the one that treats me like the best, that's the one I'll choose. You're gonna keep getting women that have multiple men in their realm and need validation because you are a man who has multiple women in his realm and needs validation. And then you're gonna get mad that you attract women that need validation because you are a man that needs validation. That's why. The world is mirroring exactly what you are. And this is me coming from a place that I was that person. I would always have multiple men giving me attention. I did. Romantic attention, sending them pictures, that kind of stuff. It wasn't just like now I I do speak to men, but it's not in a romantic sense. It's usually me talking about the things that I teach women and I love to get a male's perspective because I think it's important. It would be ignorant of me not to. And I don't give them any indication that I'm interested in them romantically. I don't send pictures of myself. I don't do any of that. So different story I've changed as a person. But I will respect the relationship that I'm in when I'm in it. But right now I'm in this space where my purpose is to really help strengthen women's boundaries, strengthen women's self love so that they can call in healthy love. Because I think we're all deserving of it. And sometimes we want it on a conscious level, but we're not willing to do the work subconsciously because it's hard. And so There's something happening where I see why it's difficult for people to find love now. People are telling themselves it's hard because we have people focused on the wrong things. We have men who have all these women around them, right? And they're looking for that right woman. And we have women who have all these men around them looking for that prove man to prove himself. And again. You want somebody, you're saying that you want somebody that values connection and doesn't need attention. But are you someone who needs attention? Are you someone who truly values connection? Are you okay with being alone? Are you okay with spending time with yourself? Because how do you expect to attract somebody when you're not even embodying that? That's like those people, and this is gonna be very surface level, so forgive me, but people that say, and I've seen this women do this, and I don't I'm sure men do too, but They'll say, like, yeah, I want a man that's like has a six pack and he's like, Jacked, do you do you are you that? Because how do you expect that? And that's not like surface level shit. You know, I'm just trying to like get the message across of the point that I'm trying to prove. You cannot ask for what you don't embody. The world is just gonna mirror back to you what you are. And that's the point I'm trying to prove. We have all these people who don't realize that they are steering their reality in the way that they don't want it to be, and they're saying they don't want it, but they continue to feed their mind with these thoughts and that shit's gonna just keep can getting mirrored back to them. And it's not until and I know people who are listening have heard this a million times, beat a dead horse, but until you spend time with yourself, until you realize what you want in this world. you're going to continue to attract exactly what you're getting now because it takes serious self-reflection. And before I would get really confused as I when I was new to the dating pool after my divorce, I remember seeing beautiful women, and I think of one specifically, who had been in the dating pool forever. I'm like, what like why why is this person still like having such a hard time finding love? This particular woman always had different men in her realm. And she's like, yeah, I have all these men that want me. And because she was beautiful, I mean she was attractive. And so she had all these men in her circle, but she was looking for one man to commit to her. But how do you expect for a man to want to commit to you when you have all these guys in your orbit that are just feeding you attention? Attention is cheap. Remove yourself from that shit. And then You'll attract a quality partner. And so it's not, it's not cute, and it's not a flex to have all this attention. It's really not on either gender. It's an ick when you become a healed person that's whole and you realize that you don't need all that cheap attention, that you want quality attention. And so what I'm also seeing as I speak to Mormon. Is that a lot of men are dealing with parental issues as well. It's you know, women we get called out for our daddy issues and whatnot, and this happens to men too, and I'm seeing it more now, but they have either father wounds or mother wounds, and they what I realize is that they'll use multiple women, they'll jump from woman to woman looking for someone to fill a void that only they themselves can fill. So as soon as a woman shows a man that she's less than perfect, that she has imperfections, that she has insecurities, the man runs because he doesn't have the ability to deal with his own emotions and his own s insecurities, so he cannot help you with yours. So what does he do? He goes on to the next one, hoping that somebody will fill that image of the ideal person, filling that void the attention he didn't get from whatever parent. And it saddens me because some people are going to choose to live in that loop forever. They're going to choose to live in the reality that they've created and say, you know what, nope, love is hard to find. I'm just gonna settle. And you know what happens with these men is that they end up with women that they can walk all over. They end up with a safe partner and they end up not fulfilled because they want somebody On a subconscious level, they want someone that has self-respect and embodies a divine feminine, but they're not in a space to attract a divine feminine. So what they do is they go for someone who lacks self-respect, who still gives them the validation, regardless of what they do to them, regardless of cheating, regardless of the disrespect. And they use that person, they suck the soul out of that person while they go trying to fill that void that they're never going to fill because they've refused to look at themselves. And yes, I'm using a man as an example right now, but I the the same applies for women. So, as an adult, your job is to heal your wounds so that you don't pass them on to your the next generation. But not only that, and actually that's not the priority. The priority is you. If you want to live a fulfilling life, you have to look at your own wounds. Otherwise, you're going to repeat the pattern. And if you want to look at the world in a negative light, sure, do that. But the world's going to keep mirroring exactly what you believe. And sure, you can say, you're delusional. You're just refusing to see the world for what it is. No. I know that there's ugly shit out there. I know that there are unhealed people out there. I know that there are people that are inherently bad. I'm not blind to that. But what I'm choosing to do is create my own reality and do what I can on an individual level to make the world a better place. Because that's all I have the power to do. Why am I gonna stress over things that I don't have the power to change? Right? Like that seems like a wasted energy, doesn't it? So if you can choose to see the bad and choose to continue to think the world is terrible, why not challenge yourself? Why not just give yourself a week of practicing thinking the good? Catch yourself when you have those negative beliefs and think, okay, how can I shift my mind in a way that's favorable and see what it does. And it took me a while, honestly. And it still does sometimes. I tell myself sometimes, like, nothing on the external has even changed. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Things have changed. Sure, there's still a lot of uncertainties in my life, but things have shifted exponentially. I mean, I'm a single mom and I'm living comfortably. I live in a place that I absolutely love. I'm making friends with people that love life and are spreading positivity and are also also doing their part in making the world a better place. I have coworkers who genuinely care about me. Like in every area of my life I'm choosing to see the good and the good keeps becoming bigger and bigger and bigger. And I'm no longer that girl that was crying in her closet every night, begging for some guy to pay attention to me. And when he didn't, I would think, Okay, what other guy can I text to make me feel better? And it didn't make me feel better because I wanted that guy. But he refused to see me. But I was never in a space where I didn't need outside validation. This is the first time in my entire life. And so if you're struggling to find love, if you're struggling to find wholesome relationships, if you're struggling in career, I continue to say come home to yourself. And if you don't know what that means, it really just means, I've said it a million times, I'm gonna say it no less. Learn to listen to yourself, learn to listen to your thoughts, learn to not always ask for advice. Sure, sometimes people's input is valuable, but nothing is more valuable than you learning to listen to your own voice. So with that I just wanna say, challenge yourself. Challenge yourself to change those negative limiting beliefs. Just see what happens. I mean, what's the worst that can happen, right? If you're already thinking negatively, it's not gonna be any worse than that. I really want to help make the world a better place on an individual level. And if you enjoyed this episode, I encourage you to please rate the show. I want it to reach the right souls. Please also go to my Instagram, Denise B. Miller, if you're a woman struggling with love. I have a women's circle there where I help women come home to themselves and learn to really embody a divine feminine so that they can attract the love that they want. Thank you guys so much for listening, and I will see you guys next week.