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Why I Speak About Domestic Abuse · Inside The Consulting Room - Understanding the Child Behind the Behaviour

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, this is Kim Lee speaking, child and adolescent psychotherapist from the Children's Consultancy.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to do something which was an introduction to the forthcoming three-part series.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to talk about why I speak about domestic abuse.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I want to speak personally and honestly because for me this isn't simply a topic.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that I've sat alongside and witnessed and felt the weight of through the lives of victims and children that I've worked with over many years.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I've seen how the quiet erosion affects people that the abuse has created.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not always visible and it's not always spoken, but it is deeply lived.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I've seen victims slowly lose their sense of self and begin to doubt their own perceptions and feel smaller and more uncertain and more alone.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And what strikes me most is this that abuse rarely begins with something obvious.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: It begins with confusion, and it's confusion about what is happening and whether or not it's serious, or indeed whether or not it is the victim's fault.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And inside that confusion, many victims remain, not because they're weak, but because the psychological pull of abuse is powerful and deeply binding.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: So my motivation in speaking about this is not to instruct or judge or to tell anyone what they should do.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's more simple.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's to try and bring understanding where there has been confusion and to bring language where there has been silence.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And my hope is to bring compassion where there has been self-blame.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because when a victim begins to understand what's happening psychologically, something shifts.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: They begin to see more clearly, they begin to trust their own minds again.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then hopefully they begin slowly but purposefully to reclaim themselves.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: And from this point, recovery becomes possible.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm also speaking about this because of children.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Children who grow up in emotional tension, in fear, in unpredictability, even when nothing is spoken aloud.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Children feel everything, even when they say nothing.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: So when we understand domestic abuse properly, we're not only supporting victims, the adult victims, we're also protecting children.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, as you listen, something in this series may resonate with your own experiences, and I want you to know this.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to understand everything alone.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: And what I mean by that is that my work, both clinically and through my educational podcasts and courses, has a strong theme of supporting parents in making sense of complex emotional situations, including recovery from relational trauma and abuse.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And in a way that is steady, human, and it's psychologically informed.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this series isn't therapy, but it may help you begin to understand your own experiences more clearly.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that understanding serves as a first step towards seeking help.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the series will walk through three stages.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: The first is called the realization, when the mind begins to see.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: The second is the reckoning, and that is where clarity and inner resistance grow.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, recovery, when dignity and selfhood are reclaimed.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you recognize yourself in these words, you're not alone.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are listening to understand someone you care about, your understanding matters more than you may realize.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Often it is the case that we can see what is happening in a relationship, but the victim can't.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Your being there is more useful than you may know.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: The podcasts will follow shortly.