Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 337:You Don’t Have to Fix Your Thoughts to Heal: The Power of Psychological Flexibility Guest Elisabeth Morray

Transcript

E 337:You Don’t Have to Fix Your Thoughts to Heal: The Power of Psychological Flexibility Guest Elisabeth Morray · Adult Child of Dysfunction

0:00
hello,
0:00
everybody.
0:00
Welcome
0:01
back
0:01
to
0:01
another
0:01
episode
0:02
of
0:02
Adult
0:02
Child
0:02
of
0:02
Dysfunction.
0:03
Today,
0:04
we
0:04
have
0:04
with
0:04
us
0:05
Dr.
0:05
Elizabeth
0:05
Morais.
0:06
She
0:06
is
0:06
a
0:07
licensed
0:07
psychologist
0:08
and
0:08
VP
0:09
of
0:09
clinical
0:10
at
0:10
Alma.
0:11
She's
0:11
trained
0:11
in
0:11
acceptance
0:12
and
0:12
commitment
0:13
therapy
0:13
and
0:13
process-based
0:14
therapy.
0:15
She
0:15
has
0:15
practiced
0:16
across
0:16
medical
0:17
agency
0:17
and
0:17
educational
0:18
settings.
0:19
She
0:19
believes
0:19
healing
0:20
and
0:20
living
0:20
fully
0:21
were
0:21
never
0:21
meant
0:22
to
0:22
be
0:22
sequential.
0:23
Welcome,
0:23
Dr.
0:24
Elizabeth.
0:24
How
0:24
are
0:24
you?
0:25
I
0:26
am
0:26
doing
0:26
well.
0:27
Thank
0:27
you
0:27
for
0:27
having
0:28
me.
0:28
Yeah,
0:29
you're
0:29
welcome.
0:29
So
0:29
you've
0:30
worked
0:30
across
0:31
so
0:31
many
0:32
different
0:32
settings.
0:32
So
0:33
in
0:33
all
0:33
of
0:33
them,
0:34
you've
0:34
worked
0:34
seen
0:34
it
0:34
from
0:35
all
0:35
of
0:35
the
0:35
angles.
0:36
And
0:36
on
0:36
this
0:37
podcast,
0:37
we
0:37
deal
0:38
a
0:38
lot
0:38
with
0:38
people
0:38
that
0:39
came
0:39
from
0:39
those
0:39
traumatic
0:40
backgrounds,
0:40
the
0:40
rough
0:41
childhoods,
0:41
the
0:42
kind
0:42
of
0:42
dysfunctional,
0:44
I
0:44
guess
0:44
you
0:44
could
0:44
say,
0:45
arena.
0:46
But-
0:47
What,
0:47
is
0:48
there
0:48
a
0:48
common
0:49
thread,
0:49
I
0:49
was
0:49
curious
0:49
about
0:50
this,
0:50
and
0:50
you
0:50
asked
0:50
me
0:50
to
0:50
ask
0:51
you
0:51
this
0:51
too
0:51
as
0:51
well,
0:52
but
0:52
there
0:52
is
0:52
a
0:52
common
0:53
thread
0:53
that
0:53
you've
0:53
seen
0:54
in
0:54
the
0:54
people
0:55
who
0:55
are
0:55
truly
0:56
able
0:56
to
0:56
heal
0:57
from
0:57
that
0:57
childhood
0:58
dysfunction?
0:59
Yeah.
1:00
I
1:00
think
1:01
that,
1:01
what
1:02
I
1:02
know
1:02
as
1:02
a
1:03
behavioral
1:03
scientist,
1:04
in
1:04
addition
1:05
to
1:05
what
1:05
I
1:06
have
1:06
seen
1:06
as
1:07
a
1:07
therapist,
1:08
is
1:08
that,
1:09
there
1:09
is
1:09
a
1:09
concept
1:10
called
1:10
psychological
1:11
flexibility-
1:13
which
1:14
is
1:15
inclusive
1:16
of
1:16
a
1:17
core
1:17
set
1:18
of
1:18
ways
1:19
of
1:19
behaving
1:20
and
1:20
responding
1:21
and
1:21
engaging
1:22
in
1:22
our
1:22
life.
1:23
And
1:24
people
1:24
who
1:24
have
1:25
this
1:25
kind
1:26
of
1:26
flexibility
1:28
tend
1:28
to
1:28
be
1:28
more
1:28
resilient,
1:30
tend
1:30
to
1:30
respond,
1:31
effectively
1:32
and
1:33
to
1:33
live
1:33
full
1:34
and
1:34
meaningful
1:34
lives
1:35
even
1:35
in
1:35
the
1:35
presence
1:36
of
1:36
significant
1:37
trauma
1:38
and
1:38
pain.
1:39
And
1:40
in
1:40
my
1:40
clinical
1:40
work
1:41
I
1:41
see
1:41
this
1:41
all
1:42
the
1:42
time,
1:42
and
1:43
in
1:43
my
1:44
understanding
1:44
of
1:45
really
1:45
the
1:45
kind
1:45
of
1:45
cutting-edge
1:46
scientific
1:47
research,
1:47
what
1:48
I've
1:48
come
1:48
to
1:48
appreciate
1:50
is
1:50
that
1:51
learning
1:52
and
1:52
practicing
1:53
skills
1:54
associated
1:54
with
1:55
psychological
1:55
flexibility
1:56
can
1:56
be
1:56
incredibly
1:57
powerful
1:58
in
1:58
terms
1:58
of
1:58
helping
1:58
people
1:59
really
1:59
thrive,
2:00
again,
2:01
in
2:01
the
2:01
presence
2:01
of
2:01
really
2:02
painful
2:02
experiences.
2:04
Okay.
2:04
Can
2:04
you
2:04
break
2:04
down,
2:05
because
2:05
I'm
2:05
looking
2:06
at
2:06
resilience-
2:07
Yeah
2:08
and
2:08
you
2:08
said
2:08
it
2:08
was
2:08
different
2:09
than
2:09
resilience.
2:10
Can
2:10
you
2:10
break
2:10
down,
2:10
'cause
2:10
we
2:11
talk
2:11
a
2:11
lot
2:11
about
2:11
resilience
2:12
on
2:12
here,
2:12
how
2:12
it's
2:13
a
2:13
little
2:13
different-
2:13
Yeah
2:14
or-
2:14
Yep.
2:15
Sure.
2:16
So
2:16
there
2:17
are
2:17
six
2:18
core
2:18
processes
2:19
that
2:19
are
2:20
components
2:21
of
2:21
psychological
2:22
flexibility,
2:23
and
2:23
I'll
2:23
just
2:23
quickly
2:24
walk
2:24
you
2:24
through
2:24
all
2:25
of
2:25
them.
2:26
The
2:26
first
2:26
one,
2:27
is
2:27
acceptance.
2:28
And
2:28
what
2:28
that
2:29
means
2:29
is,
2:30
I
2:30
call
2:30
it
2:30
a
2:30
sort
2:31
of
2:31
willingness
2:32
to
2:33
allow
2:34
for
2:34
the
2:34
full
2:35
range
2:36
of
2:36
human
2:36
emotions.
2:37
And
2:37
I
2:37
think
2:38
sometimes
2:38
people
2:39
get
2:39
a
2:39
little
2:39
caught
2:40
up
2:40
in
2:40
the
2:40
word
2:40
acceptance
2:41
because
2:42
they
2:42
think
2:42
it
2:43
means
2:43
they
2:43
have
2:44
to
2:44
like,
2:45
want,
2:45
or
2:45
somehow
2:46
be
2:46
okay
2:47
with
2:47
painful
2:47
emotion.
2:49
and
2:49
this
2:49
is
2:49
actually
2:50
a
2:50
different
2:51
way
2:51
of
2:52
thinking
2:52
about
2:52
the
2:53
term,
2:53
and
2:53
that
2:53
is,
2:54
that
2:54
it
2:54
is
2:55
a,
2:55
an
2:55
awareness
2:56
that,
2:57
pain
2:58
is
2:59
a
2:59
part
2:59
of
3:00
being
3:00
human
3:01
and
3:01
a
3:01
willingness
3:03
to
3:03
keep
3:03
moving
3:04
through
3:04
your
3:05
life
3:06
even
3:06
in
3:06
the
3:06
presence
3:07
of
3:07
pain,
3:08
and
3:08
a
3:08
willingness
3:09
to
3:09
keep
3:09
doing
3:09
what
3:10
matters.
3:10
So
3:11
the
3:11
first
3:12
part
3:12
of
3:12
this
3:12
is
3:13
acceptance.
3:14
the
3:14
second
3:14
part
3:14
is
3:15
really
3:15
about
3:15
our
3:15
relationship
3:16
with
3:16
our
3:16
minds,
3:18
and
3:18
most
3:18
of
3:18
us
3:19
don't
3:19
walk
3:20
around
3:20
thinking
3:20
much
3:21
about
3:21
our
3:21
relationship
3:22
with
3:22
our
3:22
mind.
3:23
We
3:23
just
3:23
tend
3:23
to
3:24
live
3:24
through
3:24
the
3:24
lens
3:25
of
3:25
our
3:25
mind.
3:27
And
3:27
that
3:27
has
3:27
some
3:27
real
3:28
challenges
3:29
because
3:30
our
3:30
minds
3:31
are,
3:32
they
3:32
tend
3:32
to,
3:33
get
3:33
caught
3:33
up
3:34
in
3:34
certain
3:34
thoughts
3:35
and
3:35
certain
3:35
memories,
3:36
and
3:37
in
3:37
certain
3:37
patterns,
3:38
and
3:39
that
3:40
can
3:40
control
3:41
our
3:41
behavior.
3:42
And
3:42
so
3:43
part
3:43
of
3:43
psychological
3:44
flexibility
3:45
is
3:46
developing
3:46
the
3:46
capacity
3:47
to
3:48
recognize
3:49
that
3:49
your
3:49
mind
3:49
doesn't
3:50
always
3:50
have
3:50
to
3:50
have
3:51
control
3:51
over
3:52
your
3:52
behavior,
3:53
that
3:53
your
3:54
mind
3:54
can
3:54
tell
3:54
you
3:54
one
3:55
thing,
3:55
"I'm
3:56
no
3:56
good
3:56
at
3:56
tennis,"
3:58
and
3:58
you
3:58
can
3:58
still
3:58
go
3:59
out
3:59
and
3:59
play
3:59
tennis.
4:00
But
4:00
most
4:01
of
4:01
us,
4:01
when
4:01
our
4:01
mind
4:02
serves
4:02
up
4:02
that,
4:03
that
4:03
judgment
4:04
or
4:04
that
4:04
rule,
4:06
we
4:06
tend
4:06
to
4:06
follow
4:07
with
4:07
our
4:07
behavior
4:08
and
4:08
do
4:08
what
4:08
it
4:09
tells
4:09
us
4:09
is
4:09
the
4:09
right
4:10
thing
4:10
to
4:11
do.
4:11
And
4:11
so
4:12
it's
4:12
about
4:13
recognizing
4:15
the
4:15
thoughts
4:16
that
4:16
you
4:16
have
4:17
and
4:17
recognizing
4:18
the
4:18
thoughts
4:19
as
4:19
thoughts
4:20
and
4:20
not
4:20
as
4:21
truth
4:21
or
4:21
reality,
4:22
and
4:23
therefore
4:23
having
4:23
more
4:24
flexibility
4:24
in
4:25
terms
4:25
of
4:25
the
4:25
kinds
4:25
of
4:26
behaviors
4:26
you
4:26
can
4:26
engage
4:27
in,
4:28
in
4:28
the
4:28
presence
4:28
of
4:29
those
4:29
thoughts.
4:30
So
4:30
then
4:30
we
4:31
move
4:31
into,
4:32
the
4:32
quality
4:33
of
4:33
our
4:33
attention.
4:35
And
4:36
most
4:37
of
4:37
us,
4:37
whether
4:37
we
4:38
know
4:38
it
4:38
or
4:38
not,
4:39
spend
4:39
very
4:40
little
4:40
time
4:40
in
4:40
the
4:41
here
4:41
and
4:41
now.
4:42
We
4:42
tend
4:43
to
4:43
have
4:43
our
4:43
attention
4:44
either
4:45
in
4:45
what
4:45
happened
4:46
last
4:47
week,
4:47
last
4:47
month,
4:48
or
4:48
in
4:48
our
4:48
childhood,
4:50
or
4:50
all
4:51
the
4:51
terrible,
4:51
horrible
4:52
things
4:52
that
4:53
might
4:53
happen
4:53
in
4:54
the
4:54
future,
4:54
or
4:54
even
4:54
the
4:55
wonderful
4:55
things
4:55
that
4:55
might
4:56
happen
4:56
in
4:56
the
4:56
future.
4:57
And
4:57
it's
4:58
actually
4:58
quite
4:58
rare
4:59
to
5:00
be
5:00
focused
5:01
and
5:01
directing
5:02
your
5:02
attention,
5:03
intentionally
5:05
into
5:05
the
5:05
here
5:06
and
5:06
now.
5:07
Now,
5:07
why
5:08
is
5:08
that
5:08
important?
5:09
I
5:09
think,
5:09
this
5:10
is
5:10
not
5:10
necessarily
5:11
about
5:11
living
5:12
your
5:12
life
5:12
in
5:12
a
5:12
meditative
5:13
state.
5:14
I've
5:14
yet
5:14
to
5:14
figure
5:15
out
5:15
how
5:15
to
5:15
do
5:15
that,
5:16
and
5:16
I
5:16
don't
5:17
think
5:17
many
5:17
of
5:17
us
5:17
will.
5:19
But
5:20
if
5:21
you
5:21
are
5:21
not
5:21
noticing
5:22
what's
5:22
happening
5:23
in
5:23
the
5:23
here
5:24
and
5:24
now,
5:24
it's
5:24
going
5:25
to
5:25
be
5:25
hard
5:25
to
5:25
know
5:26
the
5:26
most
5:26
effective
5:27
way
5:27
of
5:27
behaving.
5:29
And
5:29
so
5:29
if
5:29
your
5:29
attention,
5:30
your
5:30
mind,
5:31
your
5:31
kind
5:31
of
5:32
script
5:32
is
5:33
around
5:34
the
5:34
thing
5:34
that
5:34
happened
5:35
a
5:35
week
5:35
ago
5:36
that
5:36
was
5:37
painful-
5:39
It
5:39
may
5:39
be
5:40
that
5:40
what
5:40
is
5:40
right
5:40
in
5:41
front
5:41
of
5:41
you
5:41
doesn't
5:41
look
5:42
anything
5:42
like
5:43
that
5:43
at
5:43
all,
5:44
but
5:44
if
5:44
that's
5:45
where
5:45
your
5:45
attention
5:46
is
5:46
going
5:46
and
5:47
not
5:47
to
5:47
what's
5:47
right
5:47
in
5:48
front
5:48
of
5:48
you,
5:48
you're
5:48
likely
5:49
to
5:49
behave
5:49
in
5:49
a
5:49
way
5:50
that
5:50
was
5:50
more
5:50
fitting
5:51
to
5:51
what
5:51
happened
5:51
a
5:51
week
5:52
ago
5:52
or
5:52
in
5:53
your
5:53
childhood
5:54
than
5:54
you
5:55
are
5:55
what's
5:55
happening
5:55
in
5:56
the
5:56
very
5:56
now.
5:57
And
5:57
so
5:57
there's
5:58
a
5:58
piece
5:58
of
5:58
this
5:58
that's
5:59
around,
5:59
attention.
6:00
The
6:00
next
6:01
part
6:01
is
6:01
about
6:01
how
6:02
we
6:02
think
6:02
about
6:02
our
6:02
identity.
6:04
And,
6:04
identity
6:05
ultimately
6:06
is
6:08
a
6:08
really
6:08
big
6:08
and
6:09
well-practiced
6:10
collection
6:10
of
6:10
thoughts
6:11
that
6:11
we
6:11
have
6:12
about
6:13
who
6:13
we
6:13
are,
6:14
what
6:14
we
6:14
are,
6:15
and
6:15
what
6:15
our
6:16
experiences
6:17
have
6:17
been.
6:18
And
6:20
the
6:20
reality
6:21
is,
6:21
I
6:21
think
6:21
from
6:21
the
6:22
perspective
6:22
that
6:22
I
6:23
take,
6:24
there
6:24
is
6:24
something
6:25
beyond
6:25
that.
6:26
And
6:26
when
6:27
I
6:27
say
6:27
that,
6:27
people
6:27
often
6:28
think,
6:28
y-
6:28
am
6:28
I
6:28
getting
6:29
spiritual
6:29
here?
6:30
Is
6:30
this
6:30
about,
6:31
something,
6:32
about
6:32
consciousness?
6:33
and
6:33
some
6:34
people
6:34
do
6:34
approach
6:35
it
6:35
that
6:35
way,
6:35
but
6:35
the
6:36
way
6:36
I
6:36
often
6:36
approach
6:37
it
6:37
in
6:37
my
6:37
clinical
6:37
work
6:38
is
6:38
helping
6:38
people
6:38
recognize
6:39
that
6:40
if
6:41
you
6:41
are
6:41
able
6:41
to
6:42
notice
6:42
your
6:42
thoughts
6:43
and
6:43
separate
6:44
them
6:44
and
6:44
see
6:45
them
6:45
for
6:45
what
6:45
they
6:45
are,
6:46
who's
6:47
doing
6:47
the
6:47
noticing?
6:50
So
6:50
if
6:50
you
6:50
are
6:50
n-
6:50
not
6:51
your
6:51
thoughts,
6:52
if
6:52
you
6:52
are
6:53
not
6:53
the
6:53
thoughts
6:53
you
6:53
have
6:54
about
6:54
who
6:54
you
6:54
are
6:55
or
6:55
should
6:55
be
6:56
or
6:56
can't
6:57
be,
6:58
it
6:58
opens
6:58
you
6:59
up
6:59
to
7:01
have
7:01
an
7:01
identity
7:02
that
7:02
can
7:02
really
7:03
evolve
7:04
over
7:04
time
7:05
and
7:05
not
7:05
get
7:05
stuck
7:06
in
7:06
kind
7:06
of
7:06
old
7:07
scripts,
7:08
old
7:08
ways
7:08
of
7:08
being,
7:09
or
7:09
old
7:09
ways
7:09
of
7:09
responding.
7:10
And
7:12
then
7:12
finally,
7:12
the
7:12
last
7:13
two
7:13
processes
7:14
are
7:14
really
7:15
focused
7:15
on
7:15
our
7:15
behavior,
7:16
and
7:16
I
7:16
know
7:16
I've
7:17
talked
7:17
about
7:17
behavior,
7:18
at
7:19
points
7:19
through,
7:19
through
7:20
what
7:20
I've
7:20
been
7:20
sharing
7:21
here.
7:22
But
7:22
from
7:23
a
7:23
psychological
7:24
flexibility
7:25
perspective,
7:27
the
7:27
o-
7:28
the
7:28
reason
7:28
we
7:28
care
7:29
about
7:29
helping
7:30
people
7:30
live
7:30
in
7:30
flexible
7:31
ways
7:31
is
7:32
so
7:32
that
7:32
they
7:32
can
7:32
have
7:33
meaningful
7:33
lives,
7:35
and
7:35
lives
7:35
that
7:36
are
7:36
in
7:36
service
7:37
of
7:37
what
7:37
they
7:37
care
7:38
about,
7:39
and
7:39
their
7:39
values.
7:40
And
7:42
it's
7:42
so
7:42
fascinating
7:43
as
7:43
a
7:43
therapist,
7:44
because
7:45
so
7:45
often
7:46
when
7:46
I
7:46
work
7:47
with
7:47
someone,
7:48
it's
7:49
really
7:49
the
7:49
first
7:49
time
7:50
they've
7:50
ever
7:50
had
7:51
anyone
7:51
ask
7:52
them,
7:52
"What
7:53
are
7:53
your
7:54
values?
7:55
What
7:55
do
7:55
you
7:56
want
7:56
your
7:57
life
7:57
to
7:57
be
7:57
about?
7:58
When
7:59
you
7:59
look
7:59
back
8:00
on,
8:00
on
8:01
what
8:01
you're
8:01
doing
8:01
now,
8:02
what
8:02
do
8:02
you
8:02
want
8:03
to
8:03
see?
8:03
What
8:03
qualities
8:04
would
8:04
you
8:05
wanna
8:05
be
8:05
embodying?"
8:06
And
8:06
many
8:07
of
8:07
us
8:07
know
8:07
what
8:07
our
8:08
parents
8:08
wanted
8:08
us
8:09
to
8:09
be
8:09
or
8:10
our
8:10
teachers
8:11
or
8:11
our
8:12
partner,
8:12
fill
8:12
in
8:13
the
8:13
blank.
8:14
And
8:14
it's
8:14
very
8:15
powerful
8:16
to
8:16
begin
8:17
to
8:17
identify
8:19
what
8:19
qualities
8:20
of
8:20
being
8:21
you
8:21
want
8:21
to
8:21
bring
8:22
to
8:22
your
8:22
life,
8:23
and
8:23
then
8:24
the
8:24
kinds
8:25
of
8:25
behaviors
8:25
that
8:25
move
8:26
you
8:26
in
8:26
the
8:26
direction
8:27
of
8:27
those
8:28
values.
8:28
So
8:29
I
8:29
know
8:29
I,
8:30
I
8:30
shared
8:31
a
8:31
whole
8:31
bunch
8:31
with
8:32
you
8:32
here,
8:32
but
8:32
really
8:33
all
8:33
of
8:33
these
8:34
dimensions
8:35
are
8:35
about
8:35
being
8:36
able
8:36
to
8:37
live
8:37
in
8:37
a
8:37
world
8:38
and
8:38
in
8:38
a
8:39
human
8:39
experience
8:40
that
8:40
involves
8:41
painful
8:42
thoughts,
8:42
painful
8:43
emotions,
8:43
painful
8:44
memories,
8:45
painful
8:45
experiences.
8:47
And
8:47
even
8:47
in
8:48
the
8:48
presence
8:48
of
8:49
emotional
8:49
pain,
8:51
having
8:51
the
8:51
flexibility
8:52
to
8:52
continue
8:53
to
8:53
move
8:54
in
8:54
the
8:54
direction
8:54
of
8:54
what
8:55
you
8:55
care
8:55
about.
8:57
Got
8:57
you.
8:58
So
8:58
yeah,
8:58
you
8:59
said
8:59
a
8:59
lot.
8:59
I
8:59
literally
9:00
was
9:00
like,
9:00
"Oh,
9:00
my
9:00
God,
9:01
every
9:01
single
9:01
one
9:01
of
9:01
these
9:01
is
9:02
a
9:02
podcast
9:03
episode."
9:03
Y-
9:03
you
9:04
are
9:04
absolutely
9:04
right
9:04
about
9:05
that.
9:06
I
9:06
was
9:06
like,
9:06
"Okay,
9:07
where
9:07
do
9:07
I
9:07
even
9:07
begin
9:07
to
9:07
write?"
9:08
I
9:08
was
9:08
like
9:08
gonna
9:08
write
9:08
down
9:08
notes,
9:09
and
9:09
I
9:09
was
9:09
like,
9:09
I
9:09
can't
9:10
even
9:10
touch
9:10
that.
9:10
every
9:11
single
9:11
one
9:12
is
9:12
so-
9:14
It
9:14
sounds
9:15
so
9:15
simple,
9:16
but
9:16
it's
9:16
not.
9:17
Like,
9:17
when
9:17
you
9:17
go
9:17
to
9:17
the
9:18
identity
9:18
part,
9:19
I
9:19
know
9:19
there's
9:19
so
9:19
many
9:19
people
9:20
out
9:20
there
9:20
that
9:20
are
9:21
remembering
9:21
the
9:21
first
9:22
time
9:22
they
9:22
went
9:22
to
9:22
a
9:22
therapist,
9:23
myself
9:23
included,
9:24
and
9:24
they
9:24
said,
9:24
who
9:25
is
9:25
Tammy?
9:25
What
9:26
does
9:26
she
9:26
like
9:26
to
9:26
do?"
9:27
And
9:27
I
9:28
literally
9:29
I
9:29
remember
9:29
looking
9:30
at
9:30
her
9:30
and
9:30
going,
9:31
"I
9:31
don't
9:31
know."
9:32
I
9:32
do
9:32
whatever-
9:33
I'll
9:33
be...
9:33
Or,
9:34
"Who
9:34
is
9:34
Tammy?"
9:35
I'll
9:35
be
9:35
whoever
9:35
you
9:35
need
9:36
me
9:36
to
9:36
be.
9:37
Yes.
9:37
Yes.
9:37
I
9:37
was
9:38
so
9:38
adaptive
9:39
of
9:39
just
9:39
survival
9:40
that
9:41
you
9:41
never
9:41
thought
9:42
about
9:42
what
9:42
do
9:42
I
9:42
like
9:43
to
9:43
do.
9:43
if
9:43
I
9:43
had
9:44
a
9:44
free
9:44
week,
9:45
where
9:45
would
9:45
I
9:45
go?
9:46
I
9:46
didn't
9:46
know
9:46
that
9:46
at
9:47
26
9:47
years
9:47
old.
9:48
I
9:48
was
9:48
I
9:48
just
9:48
didn't.
9:49
and
9:49
I
9:49
know
9:50
I'm
9:50
not
9:50
the
9:50
only
9:50
one
9:50
out
9:51
there
9:51
that
9:51
went
9:51
through
9:51
that
9:52
"I
9:52
don't
9:52
know."
9:53
And
9:53
then
9:54
you
9:54
probably
9:54
deal
9:55
with
9:55
a
9:55
lot
9:55
of
9:55
clients
9:55
who
9:56
go
9:56
through
9:56
it
9:56
again
9:57
after
9:57
they're
9:57
empty
9:58
nesters,
9:58
and-
9:59
they've
9:59
just
9:59
been
9:59
mom
10:00
for
10:01
26
10:01
years,
10:02
and
10:02
all
10:02
of
10:02
a
10:02
sudden
10:03
they're
10:03
like,
10:03
"What
10:03
does
10:04
mom
10:04
like
10:04
to
10:04
do?
10:05
I
10:05
don't
10:05
know."
10:06
And,
10:07
that
10:07
part
10:07
alone
10:08
you
10:08
could
10:08
get
10:08
stuck
10:09
on.
10:10
And
10:10
the
10:10
thing
10:11
I
10:11
love
10:11
about
10:11
thinking
10:12
about
10:12
a
10:12
values
10:13
framework
10:14
as
10:14
we
10:14
think
10:15
about
10:15
our
10:15
identity
10:16
is
10:17
that,
10:18
our
10:18
values
10:18
are
10:18
like
10:19
a
10:19
direction.
10:20
It's
10:20
like
10:20
a
10:20
compass.
10:21
And
10:21
I
10:22
might
10:22
be
10:22
heading
10:23
west,
10:24
but
10:24
depending
10:25
on
10:25
where
10:25
I
10:26
am
10:26
in
10:26
my
10:26
life
10:27
and
10:28
what
10:28
I'm
10:28
doing
10:28
and,
10:29
that
10:29
could
10:29
look
10:30
very
10:30
different,
10:31
right?
10:31
I
10:31
might
10:31
head
10:31
west
10:32
in
10:32
a
10:32
car
10:32
or
10:32
on
10:33
foot,
10:33
and
10:33
west
10:34
might
10:34
be
10:34
just
10:34
getting
10:35
home
10:35
or
10:35
it
10:35
might
10:36
be
10:36
traveling
10:37
to,
10:38
Hawaii.
10:39
and
10:39
I
10:39
think
10:39
when
10:40
it
10:40
comes
10:40
to,
10:40
really
10:41
discovering
10:42
who
10:42
we
10:42
are
10:43
outside
10:43
of
10:44
what
10:44
life
10:44
has
10:45
taught
10:45
us
10:45
about
10:46
who
10:46
we
10:46
are,
10:47
which
10:47
is
10:47
often
10:48
very
10:48
limiting
10:49
and
10:49
sometimes
10:49
very
10:50
rigid,
10:51
when
10:51
you
10:51
have,
10:52
one
10:52
or
10:52
two
10:54
north
10:54
stars
10:55
in
10:55
terms
10:56
of,
10:56
what
10:56
you
10:56
want
10:57
to
10:57
embody,
10:58
right?
10:58
And
10:58
that
10:59
doesn't...
10:59
It's
10:59
not
10:59
something
11:00
you
11:00
can
11:00
check
11:00
off
11:00
a
11:00
list,
11:02
right?
11:02
It's
11:02
not
11:02
something
11:03
you
11:03
can
11:03
say,
11:03
I've
11:04
done
11:04
this,
11:04
and
11:04
now
11:04
I
11:04
can
11:05
move
11:05
on
11:05
with
11:05
my
11:05
life."
11:07
If
11:07
your
11:07
life
11:08
has
11:08
a
11:08
sense
11:09
of
11:09
clarity
11:10
around
11:10
the
11:11
kind
11:11
of
11:11
alignment
11:12
you
11:12
wanna
11:12
have,
11:13
you
11:13
can
11:14
carry
11:14
that
11:15
into
11:15
all
11:15
phases
11:16
of
11:16
your
11:16
life
11:17
and
11:17
all
11:17
situations.
11:18
I'll
11:19
talk
11:19
about
11:19
how
11:20
if
11:20
one
11:20
of
11:20
my
11:20
values
11:21
is
11:21
connection,
11:23
sure,
11:23
that
11:23
might
11:24
influence
11:25
my
11:25
career
11:26
selection,
11:27
but
11:27
it
11:28
also
11:28
can
11:28
influence
11:29
how
11:29
I
11:29
talk
11:29
to
11:30
the
11:30
barista
11:31
when
11:31
I
11:31
order
11:31
my
11:31
latte,
11:33
right?
11:34
It
11:35
can
11:35
influence,
11:35
who
11:36
I
11:36
am
11:36
at
11:36
my
11:36
best,
11:37
and
11:37
it
11:37
can
11:38
also
11:38
influence
11:39
who
11:39
I
11:40
am
11:40
when
11:40
I'm
11:40
struggling
11:41
the
11:41
most.
11:42
and
11:42
so
11:43
I
11:43
think
11:43
that's
11:43
one
11:43
of
11:43
the
11:43
really
11:44
beautiful
11:44
and
11:44
creative
11:45
things
11:45
about
11:46
the
11:46
work
11:46
that
11:46
I
11:46
get
11:46
to
11:47
do,
11:47
is,
11:47
helping
11:48
people
11:48
begin
11:49
to
11:49
identify
11:50
and
11:51
envision
11:52
these
11:52
qualities
11:52
they
11:53
wanna
11:53
bring
11:53
to
11:53
their
11:53
life,
11:54
and
11:54
then
11:54
discover
11:55
what
11:55
that
11:56
looks
11:56
like
11:56
in
11:56
all
11:57
of
11:57
these
11:57
different,
11:58
elements
11:59
of
11:59
who
11:59
they
11:59
are
12:00
and
12:00
what
12:00
it's
12:00
like
12:01
for
12:01
them
12:01
to
12:01
navigate
12:02
the
12:02
world.
12:03
Exactly.
12:04
And
12:04
so
12:04
much
12:04
of
12:04
it,
12:05
and
12:05
I
12:05
know
12:05
people
12:05
are
12:06
always
12:06
like,
12:06
"Tammy,
12:06
stop
12:07
talking
12:07
about
12:07
boundaries,"
12:08
but
12:08
when
12:09
you
12:09
don't
12:09
know
12:10
your
12:10
moral
12:10
compass
12:11
or
12:11
you
12:11
don't
12:11
know
12:11
what
12:12
you
12:12
stand
12:12
for
12:12
or
12:12
what
12:13
you
12:13
value,
12:14
it
12:14
is
12:14
very
12:15
hard
12:16
to
12:16
set
12:17
boundaries
12:18
around
12:18
that.
12:19
if
12:19
you
12:19
don't
12:19
know
12:20
what
12:20
y-
12:20
I
12:21
remember
12:21
people
12:21
saying,
12:22
I
12:22
was
12:22
like,
12:22
"How
12:22
do
12:22
I
12:22
know?
12:23
How
12:23
do
12:23
I..."
12:24
And
12:24
I
12:24
re-
12:24
finally
12:24
had
12:25
a
12:25
therapist
12:25
that
12:26
just
12:26
basically
12:27
said
12:27
to
12:27
me,
12:27
"Tammy,
12:27
picture
12:28
your
12:28
most
12:28
amazing
12:29
day,
12:29
and
12:29
I
12:29
want
12:30
you
12:30
to
12:30
write
12:30
down
12:31
every
12:31
single
12:31
characteristic
12:32
of
12:32
every
12:33
person
12:33
and
12:33
experience
12:34
in
12:34
that
12:35
and
12:35
what
12:35
it
12:35
looked
12:36
like,
12:36
and
12:36
then
12:36
do
12:37
the
12:37
same
12:37
for
12:37
things
12:38
for
12:38
something
12:38
icky.
12:39
And
12:39
then
12:39
you
12:40
can
12:40
start
12:40
kinda
12:40
figuring
12:41
out
12:41
what
12:41
you
12:41
like,
12:42
what
12:42
you
12:42
don't
12:43
like,
12:43
what
12:43
you
12:43
stand
12:44
for."
12:44
So
12:45
then
12:45
when
12:45
you
12:45
get
12:45
farther
12:46
in
12:46
the
12:46
process,
12:47
because
12:47
I
12:47
know
12:47
a
12:47
lot
12:47
of
12:48
the
12:48
people
12:48
that
12:48
grew
12:48
up
12:49
in
12:49
those
12:49
dysfunctional
12:49
households,
12:50
like
12:50
you
12:50
said,
12:51
it's
12:51
all
12:51
about
12:52
patterns.
12:53
They,
12:54
when
12:54
you
12:54
meet
12:54
that
12:55
guy
12:55
and
12:55
there's
12:55
19
12:56
red
12:56
flags
12:57
immediately
12:58
that
12:58
are
12:58
on
12:58
your
12:58
icky
12:59
day
12:59
list,
13:00
you're
13:01
lessen-
13:01
less
13:03
likely
13:05
to
13:05
be
13:05
like,
13:05
"Oh,
13:05
he
13:06
seems
13:06
good
13:06
for
13:06
me."
13:07
Yeah.
13:09
Because-
13:09
No
13:09
red
13:10
flags
13:10
here.
13:11
Oh
13:11
my
13:11
gosh.
13:12
Yeah
13:12
how
13:12
many
13:12
times,
13:13
do
13:13
you
13:13
go,
13:13
"Oh,
13:14
wow,
13:14
he
13:14
lied
13:15
to
13:15
me"?
13:15
When
13:15
once
13:16
I
13:16
realized
13:16
that
13:17
honesty
13:18
was
13:18
one
13:18
of
13:18
my
13:18
biggest
13:19
values-
13:21
It
13:21
quickly
13:21
weeded
13:22
out
13:22
a
13:22
lot
13:22
of
13:22
people
13:23
in
13:23
my
13:23
life.
13:23
Because
13:24
they,
13:24
I
13:24
caught
13:24
them
13:24
in
13:24
little
13:25
white
13:25
lies.
13:25
if
13:25
you
13:26
can
13:26
lie
13:26
to
13:26
me
13:26
about
13:26
the
13:26
little
13:27
things,
13:27
you
13:27
can
13:27
lie
13:27
to
13:28
me
13:28
about
13:28
the
13:28
big
13:28
things.
13:29
Ooh.
13:30
And
13:30
so
13:30
you
13:30
can-
13:30
The
13:30
other
13:31
thing
13:31
that
13:31
comes,
13:31
yeah,
13:32
the
13:32
other
13:32
thing
13:32
that
13:33
comes
13:33
to
13:33
mind
13:34
there
13:34
is
13:34
thinking
13:35
about,
13:36
this
13:36
is
13:37
a
13:37
way
13:37
in
13:37
which
13:38
where
13:38
your
13:38
attention
13:39
is
13:39
directed
13:40
becomes
13:41
really
13:41
important.
13:42
Because,
13:43
let's
13:44
say,
13:44
in
13:44
a
13:44
context
13:45
in
13:45
which
13:45
you
13:46
had
13:46
very
13:47
difficult
13:47
relationships
13:48
with
13:48
difficult
13:49
parents.
13:50
As
13:51
a
13:51
child,
13:52
you
13:53
had
13:53
to
13:53
do
13:54
certain
13:54
things
13:56
that
13:56
functioned
13:57
in
13:57
that
13:57
environment,
13:59
that
13:59
when
13:59
you
14:00
have
14:00
a
14:00
parent
14:01
who
14:01
requires
14:02
you
14:02
to
14:03
over-accommodate
14:04
their
14:05
need
14:05
in
14:06
order
14:06
to
14:06
survive,
14:07
which
14:07
as
14:07
a
14:07
child
14:08
you
14:08
have
14:08
to
14:08
have
14:09
that
14:09
parent's
14:10
attention,
14:11
favor,
14:12
support
14:13
in
14:13
order
14:13
to
14:14
survive.
14:15
it
14:15
may
14:16
be
14:17
that
14:17
part
14:18
of
14:18
developing
14:19
and
14:20
recovering
14:21
and
14:21
reorienting
14:22
means
14:23
learning
14:24
to
14:25
actually
14:25
look
14:26
at
14:26
the
14:26
here
14:26
and
14:27
now,
14:27
and
14:27
recognize
14:28
that,
14:28
with
14:28
tremendous
14:29
compassion,
14:31
that
14:31
what
14:31
I
14:31
did
14:32
back
14:32
then
14:33
I
14:33
did
14:34
because
14:34
it
14:34
worked,
14:35
and
14:35
it
14:35
helped
14:36
me
14:36
survive.
14:37
Yeah.
14:37
But
14:37
here
14:37
I
14:38
am
14:38
standing
14:38
in
14:39
front
14:39
of
14:39
this
14:39
person
14:40
who
14:40
is
14:40
not
14:40
my
14:40
parent,
14:42
and
14:42
I
14:42
don't
14:42
need
14:42
to
14:43
do
14:43
the
14:43
same
14:43
things
14:44
to
14:44
survive.
14:45
And
14:45
so
14:46
if
14:46
I
14:46
can
14:46
really
14:47
tune
14:47
into
14:47
the
14:47
fact
14:48
that
14:48
I
14:48
am
14:48
not
14:49
seven
14:50
years
14:50
old,
14:50
I
14:51
am-
14:51
40
14:52
whatever,
14:53
it
14:53
allows
14:54
you
14:54
to
14:54
then
14:54
begin
14:55
to
14:55
have
14:56
more
14:56
flexibility
14:57
and
14:57
respond,
14:58
with
14:59
the
14:59
perspective
15:00
that
15:00
you
15:00
have
15:00
now
15:01
rather
15:01
than
15:02
the
15:02
one
15:02
that
15:02
you
15:02
had
15:02
then.
15:03
I
15:04
love
15:04
that.
15:04
I
15:04
love
15:04
this
15:04
whole
15:05
concept,
15:05
this,
15:06
of
15:06
the
15:06
flexibility,
15:07
because
15:07
it
15:08
is.
15:08
It's
15:08
opening
15:08
your
15:09
world
15:09
to
15:10
a
15:10
whole
15:10
nother-
15:12
a
15:12
whole
15:12
nother
15:13
just
15:13
degree
15:14
of
15:14
that
15:15
mental
15:15
safeness,
15:16
I
15:16
guess
15:16
you
15:16
could
15:16
say.
15:17
y-
15:17
you,
15:17
like
15:17
you
15:17
said,
15:18
it's
15:18
unrealistic
15:19
to
15:19
go
15:20
into
15:20
life
15:21
thinking
15:21
you're
15:21
never
15:21
going
15:22
to
15:22
have
15:22
hard
15:22
experiences,
15:24
but
15:24
it's
15:25
much
15:25
more
15:25
flexible
15:26
to
15:26
think,
15:26
"I
15:27
can
15:27
handle
15:27
a
15:27
hard
15:28
experience,
15:28
and
15:29
in
15:29
that
15:29
hard
15:29
experience
15:30
I
15:30
can
15:30
also
15:31
find
15:31
the
15:31
joy
15:32
in
15:32
that,"
15:32
or,
15:32
"I
15:32
can
15:33
find
15:33
what
15:34
I
15:34
learn
15:34
from
15:34
that,"
15:34
or,
15:34
"I
15:35
can
15:35
find
15:35
something
15:36
from
15:36
that,"
15:36
and
15:37
the
15:37
two
15:37
can
15:37
coexist
15:38
at
15:38
the
15:38
same
15:38
time.
15:39
It
15:39
just,
15:40
it,
15:41
just
15:41
flexibility
15:42
in
15:42
general
15:42
is
15:43
amazing.
15:45
I
15:45
think
15:46
it's
15:46
necessary.
15:46
Yeah,
15:46
and
15:46
I,
15:46
you're
15:46
hitting
15:46
on,
15:47
you're
15:47
hitting
15:47
on
15:47
something
15:48
really
15:48
important
15:49
because
15:50
I
15:50
would
15:50
take
15:50
it
15:51
even
15:51
a
15:51
step
15:51
further
15:52
and
15:52
say
15:52
not
15:52
only
15:54
do
15:54
they
15:55
coexist,
15:56
but
15:56
they
15:56
are
15:56
actually
15:57
flip
15:57
sides
15:58
of
15:58
the
15:58
same
15:58
coin,
16:00
that
16:01
you
16:01
wouldn't
16:01
feel
16:02
pain
16:03
if
16:04
you
16:04
didn't
16:04
also
16:05
feel
16:05
care,
16:07
right?
16:07
And
16:07
one,
16:08
one
16:08
side
16:09
of
16:09
that
16:09
coin
16:10
is
16:10
something
16:11
you
16:11
care
16:11
deeply
16:11
about,
16:12
and
16:13
the
16:13
other
16:13
side
16:14
is
16:14
often
16:14
something
16:15
painful
16:15
because
16:16
you
16:16
do
16:16
care.
16:17
And
16:18
so
16:18
what
16:18
you
16:18
find,
16:19
and
16:19
what
16:19
I
16:19
find
16:20
as
16:20
a
16:20
therapist,
16:21
is
16:21
that
16:22
people
16:22
often
16:23
get
16:24
so
16:24
busy
16:25
trying
16:25
to
16:25
avoid
16:26
the
16:26
painful
16:27
part
16:28
that
16:28
they
16:29
often
16:29
forget
16:30
that
16:30
you
16:31
can't
16:31
avoid
16:31
one
16:32
without
16:32
the
16:32
other.
16:33
You
16:33
can't
16:34
just
16:34
avoid
16:35
the
16:35
painful
16:35
stuff.
16:36
If
16:36
you
16:36
care
16:36
about
16:37
relationships,
16:39
yes,
16:39
you
16:39
can
16:39
look
16:40
for
16:40
healthy
16:40
relationships,
16:41
but
16:42
in
16:42
order
16:42
to
16:43
be
16:43
intimately
16:43
connected,
16:45
there
16:45
is
16:45
going
16:45
to
16:45
be
16:45
pain
16:46
involved.
16:46
That
16:47
is
16:47
part
16:47
of
16:48
the
16:48
process
16:48
as
16:48
far
16:48
as
16:49
I
16:49
can
16:49
tell.
16:49
And
16:49
so
16:50
if
16:50
your
16:51
behavior
16:51
is
16:51
focused
16:52
around
16:52
avoiding
16:53
pain,
16:53
you
16:53
are
16:53
also
16:54
going
16:54
to
16:54
have
16:54
to
16:54
avoid
16:55
intimate
16:55
connections.
16:57
Exactly.
16:57
and
16:58
so
16:58
this
16:58
is
16:58
a
16:58
different
16:59
way
16:59
of
16:59
relating
17:00
to
17:00
pain,
17:01
in
17:02
a
17:02
way
17:02
that
17:03
allows
17:04
you
17:04
to
17:04
recognize
17:05
that
17:05
ongoing
17:06
focus
17:06
on
17:06
what's
17:07
important
17:07
to
17:07
you,
17:08
and
17:09
to
17:09
navigate
17:09
the
17:09
pain
17:10
and
17:10
allows
17:10
you,
17:11
that
17:11
in
17:11
a
17:11
way
17:11
that
17:11
allows
17:12
you
17:12
to
17:12
maintain
17:12
that
17:12
alignment.
17:14
Absolutely.
17:16
Yeah,
17:16
no,
17:16
that
17:16
makes
17:17
total
17:17
sense.
17:17
And
17:18
for
17:18
the
17:18
people
17:18
out
17:18
there
17:18
listening,
17:19
it's
17:19
unrealistic,
17:20
and
17:20
we
17:20
talk
17:20
about
17:20
it
17:20
all
17:20
the
17:21
time.
17:22
Life
17:22
has
17:22
its
17:23
ups
17:23
and
17:23
downs,
17:23
and
17:24
it's
17:24
how
17:24
you
17:24
deal
17:25
with
17:25
them.
17:25
And
17:25
maybe
17:25
that's
17:26
the
17:26
way,
17:26
maybe
17:26
that's
17:27
finding
17:28
out.
17:28
Like,
17:28
when
17:29
something
17:29
happens,
17:29
looking
17:30
at
17:30
it
17:30
and
17:30
going,
17:30
"Okay,
17:31
there's
17:31
a
17:31
polar
17:31
opposite
17:32
to
17:32
everything."
17:33
Everything.
17:34
it
17:34
has
17:34
those
17:34
two
17:34
flip
17:35
sides
17:35
of
17:35
the
17:35
coin,
17:35
so
17:36
let's,
17:36
let's-
17:37
Yeah
17:37
flip
17:37
it
17:37
both
17:37
ways,
17:38
and
17:38
I
17:39
love
17:39
that.
17:39
I
17:39
like
17:39
the
17:39
little
17:40
metaphors
17:40
or
17:40
the
17:40
little
17:41
analogies
17:41
of
17:41
trying
17:42
to
17:42
see
17:42
something
17:42
visual
17:43
so
17:43
you
17:43
can
17:43
kind
17:44
of-
17:44
Yeah
17:44
put
17:44
your
17:44
mind
17:45
together
17:45
with
17:45
it,
17:46
Yeah.
17:46
I
17:46
did
17:46
have
17:46
a
17:47
question
17:47
about,
17:47
so
17:48
you
17:48
work
17:48
with
17:48
the
17:49
acceptance
17:49
and
17:49
commit-
17:50
commitment
17:50
therapy.
17:51
Yeah.
17:51
And
17:52
that
17:52
is
17:52
the
17:52
core.
17:53
So
17:53
that
17:53
is
17:53
your
17:53
six
17:54
basic
17:55
things.
17:56
Yeah.
17:56
your
17:56
six
17:57
basic
17:57
concepts
17:58
that
17:58
you
17:58
just
17:58
gave
17:58
here.
18:00
What
18:01
does
18:01
this
18:01
offer
18:02
that
18:02
maybe
18:02
tra-
18:03
j-
18:03
traditional
18:05
regular
18:05
t-
18:05
I
18:05
don't
18:05
know.
18:06
what
18:06
would
18:06
this
18:06
be
18:06
in
18:07
replace
18:07
of
18:07
or
18:08
in
18:08
place
18:08
of?
18:08
Would
18:09
it
18:09
be
18:09
in
18:09
place
18:09
of-
18:09
Sure
18:10
your
18:10
traditional
18:11
psychotherapy
18:12
or
18:12
talk
18:12
therapy
18:13
or-
18:14
Yep.
18:14
So-
18:14
talk
18:14
to
18:14
me
18:15
about
18:15
that
18:15
so
18:15
acceptance
18:16
and
18:16
commitment
18:16
therapy,
18:17
or
18:17
ACT,
18:17
is
18:18
considered
18:18
an
18:19
evidence-based
18:20
psychotherapeutic
18:21
approach.
18:22
It
18:22
actually
18:22
is
18:22
one
18:22
of
18:22
the-
18:23
Okay
18:23
modalities
18:23
that,
18:24
that
18:24
has
18:24
the
18:25
most
18:25
kind
18:25
of
18:25
science,
18:26
and,
18:27
empirical
18:27
evidence
18:28
behind
18:28
it.
18:29
I
18:29
think
18:30
what
18:30
I
18:30
find
18:31
most
18:31
powerful
18:32
about
18:32
it,
18:33
is
18:33
that
18:34
it
18:34
takes
18:34
the
18:35
kind
18:36
of
18:37
the
18:37
impacts
18:38
of
18:40
a
18:40
focus
18:40
on
18:41
behavior
18:42
And
18:43
combines
18:44
it
18:45
with
18:46
an
18:46
emphasis
18:46
on
18:47
mindfulness,
18:48
which
18:48
I
18:48
think
18:48
is
18:49
incredibly
18:49
important,
18:50
especially
18:51
in
18:51
this
18:51
day
18:52
and
18:52
age
18:52
where
18:52
our
18:52
attention
18:53
is
18:53
often
18:53
so
18:54
fragmented,
18:55
and
18:57
that
18:57
it
18:57
is
18:57
deeply
18:58
human.
18:59
It
19:00
is
19:00
very
19:01
much
19:01
oriented
19:02
around
19:03
who
19:04
we
19:04
are
19:05
in
19:05
the
19:05
world,
19:05
who
19:05
we
19:06
want
19:06
to
19:06
be
19:06
in
19:06
the
19:07
world,
19:07
and
19:07
how
19:08
complicated
19:09
that
19:09
is.
19:10
And
19:11
I
19:11
think,
19:11
one
19:11
of
19:12
the
19:12
criticisms
19:13
that,
19:13
that
19:13
I
19:14
encounter
19:14
when
19:14
it
19:14
comes
19:15
to,
19:15
cognitive
19:15
behavioral
19:16
therapy
19:17
is
19:18
that
19:18
it
19:18
really
19:18
focuses
19:20
primarily
19:20
on
19:20
thoughts
19:21
and
19:21
behaviors,
19:22
which
19:22
are
19:23
important,
19:24
and
19:26
th-
19:26
there's
19:26
more
19:26
to
19:27
it
19:27
than
19:28
that.
19:28
A-
19:28
and
19:29
so
19:29
I
19:29
could
19:29
tell
19:29
you,
19:30
to
19:31
try
19:31
to
19:31
change
19:32
a
19:32
particular
19:32
thought
19:33
that
19:33
you
19:33
have.
19:33
If
19:34
you
19:34
tell
19:34
yourself,
19:35
"I'm
19:35
stupid,"
19:35
I
19:35
could
19:36
tell
19:36
you,
19:36
"Okay,
19:36
why
19:36
don't
19:36
you
19:37
replace
19:37
that
19:37
thought
19:38
with
19:38
I
19:38
am
19:38
smart
19:39
and
19:39
capable?"
19:40
What
19:41
we
19:41
actually
19:41
have
19:42
learned
19:43
is
19:44
that
19:45
trying
19:46
to
19:46
change
19:46
thoughts,
19:47
trying
19:47
to
19:47
stop
19:48
thoughts,
19:48
trying
19:49
to
19:49
eliminate
19:49
thoughts
19:50
actually
19:51
makes
19:51
them
19:51
more
19:51
powerful,
19:52
not
19:53
less.
19:53
Absolutely.
19:54
And
19:54
so
19:54
when-
19:54
Because
19:54
you're
19:54
bringing
19:54
your
19:54
attention.
19:54
Yeah,
19:54
you're
19:54
bringing
19:55
your
19:55
attention
19:55
to
19:55
it.
19:55
It's...
19:55
That's
19:55
exactly
19:55
right.
19:55
And
19:55
what
19:56
you
19:56
think
19:56
about,
19:59
you
19:59
bring
19:59
about.
20:00
That's
20:01
exactly
20:01
right.
20:02
And
20:03
so
20:03
when
20:04
you
20:04
integrate
20:04
this
20:05
mindfulness
20:06
component,
20:06
what
20:06
that
20:07
does
20:07
is
20:07
not
20:07
that
20:08
it
20:08
allows
20:08
you
20:08
to
20:08
sit
20:09
in
20:09
some
20:09
Zen
20:09
meditative
20:10
state.
20:10
It
20:11
allows
20:11
you
20:11
to
20:11
recognize,
20:13
oh,
20:14
I'm
20:14
noticing
20:14
that
20:15
right
20:15
now
20:16
I
20:16
am
20:16
having
20:17
the
20:17
thought
20:18
that
20:18
I
20:18
am
20:19
stupid.
20:20
And
20:20
the
20:20
minute
20:21
you
20:21
get
20:21
that
20:22
distance,
20:23
it
20:23
opens
20:23
up
20:23
a
20:24
space
20:24
for
20:24
you
20:24
to
20:24
choose
20:25
how
20:25
you
20:25
respond.
20:27
And
20:27
rather
20:27
than
20:27
having
20:28
thought
20:28
be
20:28
who
20:29
and
20:29
what
20:29
you
20:29
are
20:30
and
20:30
something
20:30
that
20:30
you
20:31
have
20:31
to
20:31
try
20:32
to
20:32
avoid
20:33
or
20:33
change
20:34
or,
20:34
prevent,
20:36
you
20:36
get
20:36
to
20:36
say,
20:37
"Oh,
20:37
that,
20:37
thank
20:38
you,
20:38
mind.
20:38
I
20:38
appreciate
20:39
you
20:39
sharing
20:40
that
20:41
delightful,
20:42
insight
20:42
with
20:43
me
20:43
that
20:43
is
20:43
completely
20:44
unhelpful,"
20:45
and
20:45
instead
20:46
behave
20:46
in
20:46
ways
20:46
that
20:47
you
20:47
think
20:47
are
20:47
gonna
20:47
be
20:47
helpful
20:48
in
20:48
terms
20:48
of
20:48
moving
20:48
you
20:48
in
20:49
the
20:49
direction
20:49
that
20:49
you
20:49
wanna
20:49
go.
20:50
And
20:50
I
20:50
think
20:50
that's
20:51
a
20:51
very
20:51
powerful
20:52
difference,
20:52
and
20:53
for
20:53
many
20:53
people
20:54
means
20:55
that
20:55
they
20:55
can
20:56
take
20:57
some
20:57
of
20:57
the
20:57
energy
20:57
that
20:58
they
20:58
would
20:58
put
20:58
into
20:59
struggling
21:00
with
21:00
their
21:00
thoughts
21:01
and
21:01
feelings,
21:01
and
21:01
particularly
21:02
avoiding
21:03
their
21:03
thoughts
21:04
and
21:04
feelings,
21:05
and
21:05
take
21:05
some
21:05
of
21:05
that
21:06
energy
21:06
and
21:06
channel
21:07
it
21:07
into
21:08
moving
21:09
in
21:09
the
21:09
direction
21:09
that
21:10
is
21:10
meaningful
21:10
and
21:10
that
21:10
they
21:11
care
21:11
about.
21:13
Absolutely.
21:13
I'm
21:13
actually
21:14
a
21:14
big
21:14
proponent,
21:14
and
21:15
most
21:15
of
21:15
my
21:15
work
21:16
is
21:16
done
21:17
with
21:17
the
21:17
body-mind
21:18
connection
21:18
and
21:19
the
21:19
body-
21:19
I'm,
21:19
I...
21:20
People
21:20
are
21:20
always
21:21
like,
21:21
what
21:21
kind,
21:21
what
21:21
do
21:22
you
21:22
do?"
21:22
And
21:22
I'm
21:22
like,
21:22
"I
21:23
don't
21:23
know,
21:23
but
21:23
it
21:23
all
21:23
involves
21:24
body,
21:24
mind,
21:24
and
21:25
spirit."
21:25
Yeah.
21:25
Because
21:25
you
21:26
gotta
21:26
kinda
21:26
integrate
21:27
all
21:27
of
21:27
'em.
21:28
And
21:28
so
21:28
I'm
21:28
a
21:28
big
21:29
fan
21:29
of,
21:30
if
21:30
you
21:30
wake
21:30
up
21:31
at
21:31
3:00
21:31
in
21:31
the
21:31
morning
21:32
and
21:33
you're
21:33
thinking,
21:33
your
21:34
mind
21:34
starts
21:34
racing,
21:35
it's
21:35
a
21:35
physiological
21:36
reason
21:36
you
21:36
woke
21:37
up.
21:37
You
21:37
woke
21:37
up
21:37
because-
21:38
Yeah
21:38
probably
21:38
a
21:38
cortisol
21:39
spike
21:39
or
21:39
a
21:39
blood
21:40
sugar
21:40
drop-
21:40
Yeah
21:40
or
21:41
something
21:41
physiological
21:42
woke
21:42
you
21:43
up.
21:43
But
21:43
then
21:44
you
21:44
jump
21:44
right
21:44
into
21:44
your
21:45
mind,
21:45
which
21:45
you
21:45
said,
21:46
your
21:46
mind
21:46
is
21:46
either
21:47
gonna
21:47
catastrophize
21:48
about
21:48
the
21:48
future
21:49
or
21:49
stress
21:49
about
21:50
the
21:50
past
21:50
until
21:51
you-
21:51
Yep
21:51
can
21:51
bring
21:51
it
21:51
into
21:52
the
21:52
present.
21:53
So
21:54
my
21:54
work
21:54
with
21:55
my
21:55
people
21:55
is
21:55
jump
21:56
out
21:56
of
21:56
the
21:56
mind
21:57
and
21:57
go
21:57
right
21:57
to
21:57
the
21:57
body.
21:58
Focus
21:58
on
21:58
the
21:58
body-
21:59
Yeah
21:59
because
21:59
that's
21:59
where
22:00
it's
22:00
stored.
22:00
That's
22:01
your
22:01
nervous
22:01
system.
22:02
That's
22:02
your
22:03
activation
22:06
system,
22:07
Yeah.
22:07
And
22:07
it's
22:08
really,
22:08
it's-
22:08
it's
22:09
so
22:09
true,
22:09
though,
22:10
because
22:11
y-
22:11
your
22:11
mind
22:12
is
22:12
beautiful
22:13
at
22:14
protecting
22:14
you
22:14
and
22:15
building
22:15
these
22:15
adaptations
22:16
and
22:16
doing
22:17
all
22:17
of
22:17
this
22:17
stuff-
22:19
But
22:20
it's
22:20
still
22:20
in
22:20
the
22:21
past.
22:21
It's
22:21
still
22:21
in
22:22
that
22:22
other
22:22
version
22:23
of
22:23
whether
22:23
you
22:23
call
22:23
it
22:24
the
22:24
universe
22:24
or
22:24
you
22:24
call
22:25
it
22:25
your
22:25
subconscious,
22:26
whatever
22:26
you
22:26
wanna
22:27
call
22:27
it,
22:27
that's
22:28
the
22:28
part
22:29
that's
22:29
running
22:29
the
22:29
show.
22:31
Yep.
22:31
it's
22:32
such
22:32
a
22:32
good
22:32
point,
22:33
and
22:33
I
22:33
think
22:33
it's
22:33
the
22:33
founder
22:34
of
22:34
ACT,
22:34
Steve
22:35
Hayes,
22:35
who
22:35
says,
22:35
"The
22:36
mind
22:36
is
22:36
a
22:37
great
22:37
tool
22:38
and
22:38
a
22:38
terrible
22:39
dictator."
22:40
Mm
22:40
and
22:40
unfortunately,
22:41
most
22:41
of
22:42
us
22:42
live
22:42
with
22:42
dictator
22:43
minds.
22:44
and
22:44
that-
22:44
like
22:44
when
22:44
we
22:45
were,
22:45
in,
22:45
in
22:46
terms
22:46
of
22:46
our
22:46
evolution,
22:47
that
22:47
was
22:48
hugely
22:49
helpful.
22:49
That
22:49
was
22:49
actually
22:50
what
22:50
allowed
22:51
us
22:51
to
22:51
survive
22:52
and
22:52
to
22:52
become,
22:53
capable
22:54
of
22:54
doing
22:54
everything
22:54
that
22:55
we've
22:55
done,
22:55
including
22:55
send,
22:56
people
22:56
to
22:56
the
22:56
moon.
22:57
but
22:57
when
22:58
it
22:58
comes
22:58
to
22:58
our
22:58
emotional
22:59
world,
23:00
it
23:01
just
23:01
doesn't
23:01
work
23:02
because
23:02
the
23:02
message
23:03
our
23:03
mind
23:03
will
23:04
always
23:04
give
23:04
us
23:05
is
23:05
the
23:05
one
23:05
that
23:05
made
23:06
sense
23:06
in
23:06
the
23:06
term,
23:07
in
23:07
terms
23:07
of
23:08
physical
23:08
danger,
23:09
which
23:09
is-
23:09
run,
23:10
fight
23:10
and
23:10
hide.
23:11
But
23:12
when
23:12
it
23:12
comes
23:12
to
23:12
our
23:13
internal
23:13
emotions,
23:15
if
23:15
we
23:15
run,
23:16
fight
23:16
and
23:16
hide
23:17
from
23:17
our
23:17
internal
23:18
experiences,
23:19
A,
23:19
it
23:20
doesn't
23:20
work,
23:21
and
23:21
B,
23:21
it
23:21
tends
23:22
to
23:22
make
23:22
our
23:22
problems
23:23
even
23:23
bigger.
23:24
Yeah.
23:25
And
23:25
so
23:25
it's
23:25
a
23:25
pretty,
23:26
it's
23:26
a
23:26
pretty
23:26
radical
23:27
shift
23:28
in
23:28
terms
23:28
of
23:28
how
23:29
we
23:29
think
23:29
about,
23:30
what
23:30
it
23:31
means
23:31
to,
23:32
to
23:32
con-
23:32
to
23:33
navigate,
23:34
this
23:34
relationship
23:35
with
23:35
our
23:35
mind
23:35
and
23:35
with
23:36
our,
23:36
these
23:36
internal
23:37
experiences.
23:37
And
23:37
I
23:38
think
23:38
that's
23:38
a,
23:38
it
23:38
can
23:38
be
23:38
a
23:38
really
23:39
powerful
23:40
move
23:40
for
23:40
people.
23:42
No,
23:42
it,
23:42
it
23:42
absolutely,
23:43
I'm
23:43
absolutely
23:44
believing
23:45
that
23:45
it
23:45
can,
23:46
for
23:46
sure.
23:47
And
23:47
I,
23:47
that's
23:47
why
23:47
I
23:47
was
23:47
wondering
23:48
what
23:48
it's...
23:48
So
23:48
it's
23:49
its
23:49
own
23:50
modality
23:51
under
23:51
the
23:51
psychotherapy-
23:52
Yeah
23:52
kind
23:52
of
23:52
realm.
23:53
So-
23:53
Yes.
23:54
Exactly
23:55
it
23:55
would
23:55
be
23:55
like
23:55
people
23:55
that
23:56
go
23:56
and
23:56
they
23:56
have
23:57
a
23:57
therapist
23:57
that
23:57
does
23:58
IFS,
23:58
or
23:58
internal
23:59
family
23:59
systems.
24:00
That's
24:00
exactly
24:01
right.
24:01
that's
24:02
its
24:02
own
24:02
thing.
24:02
that's
24:02
its...
24:02
So
24:02
they
24:02
do
24:03
a
24:03
lot
24:03
of
24:03
parts
24:03
work,
24:04
and
24:04
they
24:04
do-
24:04
Yep
24:05
so
24:05
this
24:05
is
24:05
just
24:05
an-
24:06
another
24:06
core,
24:07
like
24:07
a
24:07
curriculum,
24:08
I
24:08
guess
24:08
you...
24:08
Not
24:08
a
24:08
curriculum.
24:09
Yep.
24:09
I
24:09
don't
24:09
wanna
24:09
put
24:09
it
24:09
that
24:10
way.
24:10
But
24:10
it's
24:10
just
24:11
another
24:11
study,
24:11
another
24:12
way
24:12
of
24:12
going
24:13
about,
24:13
hopefully
24:14
reaching
24:14
as
24:15
much
24:15
as
24:15
we
24:15
can
24:15
reach.
24:16
'Cause
24:16
I
24:16
feel
24:17
like
24:17
that's
24:17
sometimes
24:19
the
24:19
problem
24:19
with
24:20
some
24:20
of
24:20
these
24:20
modalities
24:21
is
24:21
it
24:21
gets
24:21
you
24:21
so
24:22
far,
24:23
but
24:23
it
24:24
doesn't
24:25
quite
24:25
get
24:26
everything,
24:27
and
24:27
then
24:27
you're
24:27
like-
24:27
Yes
24:27
"Okay,
24:28
I've
24:28
been
24:28
to
24:28
therapy
24:28
for
24:29
18
24:30
years
24:30
now,
24:31
and
24:31
I
24:31
still
24:32
wake
24:32
up
24:33
in
24:33
the
24:33
morning
24:33
and
24:33
I
24:33
still
24:33
feel
24:34
like
24:34
s-
24:34
an
24:34
elephant
24:34
is
24:34
sitting
24:35
on
24:35
my
24:35
chest."
24:36
Okay.
24:36
that's
24:37
a
24:37
whole
24:37
nother
24:37
issue,
24:38
so
24:38
go
24:38
to
24:38
a
24:38
different
24:39
person.
24:40
Yeah.
24:41
And
24:41
I
24:41
think
24:41
that's
24:42
what
24:42
psychological
24:43
flexibility
24:43
gives
24:44
you,
24:44
is
24:44
that
24:44
there
24:45
is
24:45
never
24:45
a
24:46
point
24:46
at
24:47
which-
24:48
You
24:48
have
24:49
transcended
24:50
the
24:50
painful
24:51
parts
24:51
of
24:51
being
24:52
human.
24:52
to
24:52
the
24:52
extent
24:53
that
24:53
you
24:53
are
24:53
living
24:54
a
24:54
full
24:54
and
24:54
rich
24:55
life
24:55
and
24:55
taking
24:56
risks
24:56
and
24:57
having
24:58
intimate
24:58
relationships
24:59
and
24:59
challenging
25:00
yourself,
25:01
you
25:01
are
25:01
going
25:02
to
25:02
encounter
25:02
pain,
25:03
period,
25:03
end
25:04
of
25:04
story.
25:05
And
25:05
when
25:05
you
25:06
have
25:06
worked
25:06
with
25:06
an
25:06
ACT
25:07
therapist
25:08
and
25:08
developed
25:08
these
25:09
psychological
25:09
flexibility
25:10
skills,
25:12
we're
25:12
not
25:12
trying
25:12
to
25:13
avoid
25:13
the
25:13
pain.
25:14
We're
25:14
trying
25:15
to
25:15
equip
25:15
you
25:16
to
25:16
encounter
25:17
the
25:17
pain
25:18
and
25:18
be
25:19
able
25:19
to
25:19
move
25:19
through
25:20
it
25:20
in
25:20
a
25:20
way
25:20
that
25:20
works,
25:21
that
25:22
is
25:22
self-compassionate,
25:23
and
25:24
that
25:24
moves
25:24
you
25:24
in
25:25
the
25:25
direction
25:25
that
25:25
you
25:25
want
25:25
your
25:26
life
25:26
to
25:26
go.
25:27
and
25:27
I
25:27
should
25:27
mention
25:27
that
25:27
this
25:28
is
25:28
not
25:28
unique
25:28
to
25:29
ACT.
25:29
we
25:29
don't
25:29
have
25:30
a
25:30
monopoly
25:30
on
25:31
this.
25:31
I
25:31
think
25:32
most
25:32
therapeutic
25:33
modalities
25:34
do
25:34
some
25:35
part
25:35
of
25:35
this,
25:35
but
25:36
ACT
25:36
has
25:36
really
25:37
taken
25:37
those
25:37
six
25:38
core
25:38
components
25:39
that
25:39
I
25:39
described
25:40
at
25:40
the
25:40
beginning
25:41
and
25:41
put
25:41
them
25:42
together
25:42
in
25:42
a
25:42
way
25:43
that
25:43
gives
25:43
therapists
25:44
and
25:44
clients
25:44
a
25:45
very,
25:45
clear
25:46
toolkit
25:47
and
25:47
way
25:47
of
25:47
working
25:48
together.
25:48
And
25:48
then
25:49
as
25:49
a
25:49
client,
25:49
for
25:49
you
25:50
to
25:50
then
25:50
be
25:50
able
25:50
to
25:50
take
25:51
that
25:51
toolkit
25:51
and
25:52
apply
25:52
it
25:52
to
25:52
your
25:52
life
25:53
as
25:53
you
25:53
move
25:53
forward.
25:54
So
25:54
yes,
25:54
when
25:55
you
25:55
wake
25:55
up
25:56
18
25:56
years
25:56
later
25:57
and
25:57
you
25:57
feel
25:57
like
25:57
there's
25:58
an
25:58
elephant
25:58
on
25:59
your
25:59
chest,
26:00
your
26:00
response
26:01
isn't,
26:01
"Oh,
26:01
I
26:02
need
26:02
to
26:02
go
26:02
back
26:02
to
26:02
therapy,"
26:03
it's,
26:03
"Oh,
26:04
I
26:05
know
26:05
what
26:05
to
26:05
do
26:05
when
26:05
I
26:06
encounter
26:06
anxiety."
26:08
and
26:08
to
26:08
be
26:08
able
26:09
to,
26:09
again,
26:10
move
26:10
through
26:10
that
26:10
anxiety
26:11
and
26:11
not
26:12
allow
26:12
it
26:12
to
26:12
dictate
26:14
what
26:14
you're
26:14
gonna
26:14
do
26:15
next.
26:16
And
26:16
is
26:17
it,
26:17
can
26:17
it
26:17
be
26:18
started,
26:18
and
26:18
this
26:18
is
26:18
for
26:19
a
26:19
lot
26:19
of
26:19
the
26:19
listeners,
26:20
'cause
26:20
I
26:20
know
26:20
a
26:20
lot
26:20
of
26:20
the
26:20
people
26:21
that
26:21
come
26:21
on
26:21
my
26:21
show
26:22
or
26:22
listen
26:22
to
26:22
my
26:22
show
26:23
are
26:23
at
26:24
that
26:24
beginning
26:25
stages.
26:25
Yeah.
26:25
They're,
26:25
like,
26:26
just
26:26
figuring
26:27
out,
26:27
"Oh,
26:27
crap,
26:28
my
26:28
childhood
26:29
did
26:29
really
26:29
do
26:30
some
26:30
stuff,
26:31
and
26:31
I
26:31
gotta
26:31
start
26:32
figuring
26:32
this
26:32
out."
26:33
Can
26:33
you
26:33
is
26:33
there,
26:34
it
26:34
can
26:34
be
26:35
any
26:35
entry
26:35
point?
26:37
for
26:37
people
26:37
who
26:37
don't
26:38
necessarily
26:39
want
26:39
to
26:40
just
26:40
jump
26:40
in
26:40
with
26:40
an
26:41
ACT
26:41
therapist,
26:41
there
26:42
are
26:42
two
26:42
really
26:42
great
26:43
books
26:43
by
26:43
two
26:44
of
26:44
the
26:44
ACT
26:44
founders.
26:45
the
26:45
first
26:46
one
26:46
is
26:46
by
26:46
Steve
26:47
Hayes,
26:47
who's
26:47
the
26:47
founder
26:48
of
26:48
ACT,
26:48
and
26:48
it's
26:48
called
26:49
Get
26:49
Out
26:49
of
26:49
Your
26:49
Mind
26:50
and
26:50
Into
26:50
Your
26:50
Life.
26:52
the
26:52
other
26:52
is
26:52
called
26:53
The
26:53
Happiness
26:54
Trap
26:55
by
26:55
Russ
26:55
Harris.
26:57
And
26:57
both
26:57
of
26:57
those
26:58
are
26:58
really
26:58
written
26:59
for
26:59
people
26:59
who
27:00
are
27:00
not
27:00
therapists,
27:01
and
27:02
who
27:02
want
27:02
to
27:02
just,
27:03
begin
27:03
to
27:04
think
27:04
about
27:04
how
27:05
they
27:05
can
27:06
apply
27:06
psychological
27:07
flexibility
27:08
in
27:08
a
27:08
very
27:09
practical
27:10
day-to-day
27:11
way.
27:12
so
27:12
for
27:12
people
27:12
who,
27:13
maybe
27:13
aren't
27:13
ready
27:14
to
27:14
therapy,
27:15
to
27:15
go
27:15
to
27:15
therapy
27:16
or
27:16
don't
27:16
want
27:17
to
27:17
at
27:17
this
27:17
time,
27:17
or
27:17
don't
27:18
have
27:18
access,
27:18
those
27:18
are
27:19
really
27:19
good
27:19
tools
27:20
to
27:21
start
27:21
with.
27:21
and
27:22
they're
27:22
very
27:22
readable,
27:23
which
27:23
I
27:23
think
27:24
is
27:24
helpful
27:24
for
27:25
those
27:25
of
27:25
us
27:25
who
27:25
are
27:25
trying
27:26
to,
27:26
make
27:26
this
27:27
leap
27:27
into
27:27
a
27:27
new
27:28
way
27:28
of
27:28
thinking
27:29
without
27:29
the
27:29
support
27:30
of
27:30
a
27:30
therapist.
27:31
Yeah,
27:31
and
27:31
it
27:31
is,
27:32
some
27:33
people,
27:33
I
27:33
say
27:33
that
27:33
all
27:34
the
27:34
time,
27:34
it
27:34
is
27:36
daunting
27:36
for
27:36
some
27:37
people,
27:37
and
27:37
sometimes
27:38
not
27:38
reachable,
27:39
or
27:39
not
27:39
accessible.
27:40
I
27:40
know
27:41
a
27:41
lot
27:41
of
27:41
people
27:41
that
27:41
struggle
27:42
with
27:42
that.
27:42
But
27:42
I
27:43
do
27:43
want
27:43
you
27:43
to
27:43
give
27:43
a
27:43
couple
27:44
tips,
27:44
because
27:45
I
27:45
know
27:45
you
27:45
work
27:45
with
27:46
Alma
27:46
and
27:46
you
27:46
work
27:47
with
27:47
thousands
27:48
and
27:48
thousands
27:49
of
27:50
clinics,
27:50
clinicians,
27:51
whatever,
27:51
all
27:52
over
27:52
the
27:52
place.
27:52
Yeah.
27:53
For
27:53
people
27:53
that
27:54
are
27:54
looking
27:54
for
27:55
a
27:55
therapist
27:56
or
27:56
whate-
27:56
whatever
27:57
it
27:57
may
27:57
be,
27:58
can
27:58
you
27:58
give
27:58
me
27:58
a
27:58
couple
27:59
red
27:59
flags,
27:59
green
27:59
flags
28:00
of
28:00
what
28:00
to
28:00
look
28:00
for?
28:01
And
28:02
also,
28:02
because
28:02
I
28:03
say
28:03
it
28:03
all
28:03
the
28:03
time,
28:04
but
28:04
I
28:04
need
28:04
somebody
28:04
else
28:05
to
28:05
say
28:05
it,
28:05
that
28:05
if
28:06
you
28:06
don't
28:06
like
28:07
who
28:07
you
28:07
go
28:07
to
28:07
see
28:08
for
28:08
help-
28:09
Oh
28:09
and
28:09
you
28:09
do
28:09
not
28:09
feel
28:10
safe,
28:10
that
28:10
it
28:10
is
28:11
okay
28:11
to
28:11
walk
28:11
away.
28:13
Yes.
28:14
And
28:14
I
28:14
would
28:14
say
28:15
not
28:15
only
28:15
is
28:16
it
28:16
okay,
28:17
it
28:17
is
28:17
also
28:18
therapeutic.
28:19
And
28:19
as
28:20
a
28:20
therapist,
28:20
if
28:21
I
28:21
had
28:21
someone
28:22
working
28:22
with
28:23
me
28:23
who,
28:23
for
28:24
whatever
28:24
reason,
28:25
just
28:26
felt
28:26
like
28:26
I
28:26
was
28:27
not
28:27
the
28:27
person
28:28
to
28:28
go
28:28
on
28:29
this
28:29
journey
28:29
with
28:29
them,
28:30
it
28:30
would
28:30
be
28:31
far
28:31
more
28:32
therapeutic
28:32
for
28:33
them
28:33
to
28:33
say
28:33
to
28:34
me,
28:34
"You
28:34
know
28:35
what?"
28:36
You're
28:36
great.
28:37
It's
28:37
been
28:37
nice
28:38
knowing
28:38
you,
28:39
but
28:39
I
28:39
need
28:39
to
28:39
move
28:40
on
28:40
to
28:40
something
28:40
different."
28:41
That
28:42
would
28:42
be
28:42
the
28:42
biggest
28:43
therapeutic
28:44
win
28:44
you
28:44
could
28:44
ever
28:45
give
28:45
me
28:45
as
28:45
the
28:45
therapist.
28:46
Because
28:46
what
28:46
that
28:47
means
28:47
is
28:47
that
28:48
person
28:49
is
28:49
in
28:49
touch
28:50
with
28:50
who
28:50
they
28:51
are
28:51
and
28:51
what
28:51
they
28:51
need,
28:52
and
28:52
is
28:53
willing
28:53
to
28:53
advocate
28:54
on
28:54
behalf
28:55
of
28:55
their
28:56
own
28:56
needs
28:57
and
28:57
their
28:57
own
28:57
experiences.
28:58
And
28:59
so
28:59
lest
29:00
you
29:00
think
29:00
that
29:00
I,
29:00
that
29:01
I
29:01
would
29:01
feel
29:01
like
29:01
that
29:02
was
29:02
a
29:02
failure,
29:03
I
29:03
think,
29:03
sh-
29:04
that
29:04
would
29:04
be
29:05
a
29:05
win.
29:06
Now,
29:06
I'm
29:06
not
29:06
saying
29:06
that
29:06
every
29:07
therapist
29:07
would
29:07
feel
29:08
that
29:08
way,
29:08
but
29:08
when
29:09
I'm
29:09
talking
29:10
to
29:10
people
29:10
who
29:10
are
29:10
thinking
29:11
about
29:11
finding
29:12
the
29:12
right
29:12
therapist,
29:13
learning
29:14
to
29:14
trust
29:15
your
29:15
instinct,
29:17
this
29:17
is
29:17
a
29:17
great
29:17
way
29:18
to
29:18
do
29:18
it.
29:18
you
29:18
talked
29:19
about
29:19
the
29:19
potential
29:20
partner
29:20
with
29:20
the
29:21
19
29:21
red
29:21
flags.
29:23
That's
29:23
complicated
29:24
territory.
29:25
But-
29:25
can
29:26
you
29:26
begin
29:27
to
29:28
allow
29:29
yourself
29:29
to
29:29
identify
29:31
who
29:31
makes
29:31
you
29:32
feel
29:32
safe,
29:33
who
29:33
makes
29:33
you
29:34
feel
29:34
heard,
29:35
who
29:36
when
29:36
you
29:36
are
29:37
sitting
29:37
with
29:37
them
29:38
feels
29:38
present
29:40
to
29:40
you.
29:41
and
29:42
you
29:42
know
29:42
what's
29:43
fascinating
29:43
about
29:44
this,
29:44
and
29:45
this
29:45
is
29:45
something
29:45
I
29:45
like
29:46
to
29:46
talk
29:46
about
29:47
and
29:47
teach
29:47
about,
29:48
is
29:49
that
29:50
the
29:50
most
29:50
effective
29:51
therapists
29:52
are
29:52
the
29:52
ones
29:52
who
29:52
themselves
29:53
model
29:54
psychological
29:55
flexibility.
29:57
What
29:57
that
29:57
means
29:58
is
29:59
that
30:00
when
30:01
you
30:01
say
30:01
something
30:01
hard
30:03
or
30:03
when
30:03
I
30:03
have
30:04
a
30:04
painful
30:04
reaction
30:05
to
30:05
something
30:05
that
30:06
you've
30:06
shared
30:06
with
30:06
me,
30:06
which
30:07
human,
30:07
therapists
30:08
are
30:08
humans,
30:08
that
30:08
happens,
30:09
that
30:10
I'm
30:10
able
30:10
to
30:10
stay
30:10
with
30:11
it
30:12
and
30:12
I
30:12
don't
30:12
do
30:12
things
30:13
to
30:13
move
30:13
away,
30:14
or,
30:15
that
30:15
my
30:15
attention
30:16
during
30:17
the
30:17
time
30:17
we
30:17
spend
30:18
together
30:18
is
30:19
very
30:19
clearly
30:20
with
30:20
you
30:21
and
30:22
not
30:22
on
30:23
what
30:23
I'm
30:23
gonna
30:23
cook
30:23
for
30:23
dinner
30:24
tonight.
30:25
and
30:25
that
30:26
I,
30:27
that
30:27
your
30:28
therapist's
30:29
not-
30:30
Just
30:31
focus
30:32
on
30:32
what
30:33
happens
30:33
during
30:34
those
30:34
45
30:36
or
30:36
53
30:36
minutes,
30:37
but
30:37
that
30:37
they
30:37
are
30:37
really
30:38
helping
30:38
you
30:38
think
30:39
about
30:39
how
30:39
you
30:40
take
30:40
what
30:40
happens
30:41
during
30:41
that
30:41
time
30:42
and
30:42
apply
30:43
it
30:43
to
30:43
all
30:43
the
30:44
in-between
30:44
time.
30:45
And
30:45
there
30:45
is
30:45
far
30:45
much
30:46
in,
30:46
far
30:46
more
30:46
in-between
30:47
time,
30:47
as
30:47
than
30:48
there
30:48
is,
30:48
in
30:49
therapy
30:50
time.
30:50
And
30:50
so
30:51
when
30:51
it
30:51
comes
30:52
to
30:52
knowing
30:52
that
30:52
you
30:53
have
30:53
the
30:53
right
30:53
therapist,
30:55
one
30:55
of
30:55
the
30:56
things
30:56
we
30:56
do
30:56
at
30:56
Alma
30:57
is
30:57
having
30:57
a
30:57
very
30:58
robust
30:58
directory
31:00
where
31:00
you
31:00
can
31:01
indicate
31:02
what
31:02
qualities,
31:03
what
31:03
identities,
31:04
what
31:04
characteristics
31:06
you
31:06
want
31:06
your
31:06
therapist
31:07
to
31:07
share
31:08
with
31:08
you.
31:09
because
31:09
that's
31:09
important.
31:10
It's
31:10
like
31:10
we,
31:11
we
31:11
are
31:12
going
31:12
to
31:12
feel,
31:13
at
31:13
least
31:13
initially,
31:14
a
31:15
greater
31:15
sense
31:15
of
31:15
trust
31:16
with
31:17
someone
31:17
who
31:18
we
31:18
can
31:18
recognize
31:19
ourselves
31:20
in.
31:20
and
31:20
that
31:20
doesn't
31:20
necessarily
31:21
mean
31:21
that
31:21
I'm
31:22
only
31:22
gonna
31:22
wanna
31:22
work
31:22
with
31:23
a
31:23
female
31:23
identifying
31:25
therapist,
31:25
but
31:26
it
31:26
may
31:26
be
31:26
that
31:26
starting
31:27
from
31:27
a
31:27
place
31:28
of
31:28
kind
31:28
of
31:28
shared
31:28
identity
31:29
is
31:29
gonna
31:29
help
31:30
build
31:30
trust.
31:31
And
31:31
then
31:32
once
31:32
you've
31:32
done
31:33
that,
31:33
to
31:33
really
31:34
learn
31:34
to
31:34
listen
31:35
to
31:35
and
31:35
trust
31:36
your
31:36
intuition.
31:37
And,
31:38
if,
31:39
you
31:39
will
31:39
know
31:40
if
31:40
you
31:40
feel
31:41
safe,
31:41
if
31:41
you
31:41
allow
31:42
yourself
31:42
to
31:42
pause
31:43
and
31:43
listen
31:43
and
31:44
ask
31:44
yourself,
31:44
"Do
31:45
I
31:45
feel
31:45
seen?
31:46
Do
31:46
I
31:46
feel
31:47
heard?
31:48
Do
31:48
I
31:48
feel
31:48
accepted?"
31:50
And
31:50
if
31:50
your
31:51
answer
31:51
is
31:51
no
31:52
to
31:52
any
31:52
of
31:52
those
31:52
three
31:53
questions,
31:53
it's
31:54
probably
31:54
a
31:54
good
31:54
idea
31:55
to
31:55
look
31:55
for
31:55
a
31:55
different
31:56
therapist.
31:57
Yeah.
31:58
Agree.
31:58
yeah.
31:58
Agree.
31:59
And
31:59
don't
31:59
feel
32:00
bad
32:00
about
32:00
hurting
32:00
their
32:01
feelings.
32:01
I
32:01
just,
32:02
I
32:02
know,
32:02
I
32:02
talked
32:02
to
32:03
a
32:03
lady
32:03
the
32:03
other
32:03
day,
32:03
and
32:03
the
32:03
reason
32:04
I
32:04
brought
32:04
this
32:04
up,
32:04
'cause
32:05
you
32:05
did
32:05
ask
32:05
about
32:05
the
32:06
red
32:06
flags,
32:07
is
32:07
she
32:07
had
32:08
literally
32:08
been
32:08
with
32:08
the
32:08
same
32:09
therapist
32:09
for,
32:09
seven
32:10
years,
32:11
and
32:11
she's
32:11
"But
32:11
I
32:11
just
32:12
don't
32:12
feel
32:12
like
32:12
I
32:12
can
32:13
open
32:13
up
32:13
to
32:13
her."
32:13
I'm
32:13
like,
32:14
"What
32:14
are
32:14
you
32:14
talking
32:15
about?"
32:15
Wow.
32:17
Yeah.
32:17
I
32:17
was
32:17
like-
32:17
I
32:17
need
32:17
some-
32:18
she
32:18
felt
32:18
judged.
32:19
And
32:19
I'm
32:19
like,
32:20
"Okay,
32:20
but
32:21
you
32:21
just
32:21
told
32:21
me
32:21
that
32:21
story.
32:22
You've
32:22
been
32:22
going
32:22
to
32:22
11
32:23
years
32:23
for
32:24
talking
32:24
to
32:24
this
32:24
woman-
32:24
for
32:25
11
32:25
years,
32:26
once
32:26
a
32:26
week
32:26
for
32:26
11
32:27
years."
32:28
She
32:28
goes,
32:28
I
32:28
just
32:28
feel
32:29
like
32:29
you
32:29
get
32:30
it,
32:30
or
32:30
my
32:31
under-"
32:31
Yeah.
32:32
You
32:32
need
32:32
a
32:32
new
32:32
therapist.
32:33
Like-
32:33
Yeah
32:33
and
32:33
I
32:34
didn't
32:34
say
32:34
that
32:34
in
32:34
a
32:35
bad
32:35
way,
32:35
but
32:35
I'm
32:35
like,
32:36
"Sweetie,
32:36
you're
32:37
going
32:37
to
32:37
her
32:37
to
32:38
open
32:38
up
32:38
and
32:38
to
32:38
be
32:39
honest
32:39
with
32:39
her.
32:39
If
32:40
you
32:40
can't
32:40
be
32:40
honest
32:41
with
32:41
your
32:41
therapist,
32:42
where
32:43
are
32:43
you
32:43
go-
32:43
what
32:43
are
32:43
we
32:43
doing
32:44
here?"
32:45
It's-
32:45
And
32:45
I
32:45
also
32:46
wanna
32:46
really
32:46
normalize
32:47
that
32:47
because
32:48
there's
32:48
a
32:48
way
32:48
in
32:49
which
32:50
if
32:50
you
32:50
were
32:51
raised
32:52
with
32:52
a
32:52
parent
32:54
who
32:54
didn't
32:54
see
32:55
you,
32:55
who
32:56
didn't
32:56
allow
32:56
you
32:57
to
32:57
open
32:57
up,
32:58
who
32:58
wanted
32:58
you
32:59
to
32:59
be
32:59
a
33:00
certain
33:00
way
33:00
when
33:01
you
33:01
were
33:01
with
33:01
them
33:01
in
33:02
order
33:02
to
33:02
serve
33:03
their
33:03
needs,
33:04
then
33:04
that
33:04
is
33:04
actually
33:05
what's
33:05
gonna
33:06
feel
33:06
most
33:06
familiar.
33:07
And
33:07
typically,
33:08
what
33:08
feels
33:08
most
33:09
familiar
33:10
feels
33:10
most
33:10
safe.
33:12
And
33:12
so
33:12
here
33:13
you
33:13
are
33:13
with
33:13
someone
33:14
who
33:14
for
33:15
11
33:15
years
33:16
hasn't
33:16
felt
33:17
safe
33:17
enough
33:18
to
33:18
really
33:18
open
33:18
up.
33:20
But
33:20
my
33:20
guess
33:20
is
33:20
that
33:20
there
33:21
was
33:21
something
33:21
in
33:21
that
33:21
felt
33:22
familiar
33:22
for
33:22
her,
33:23
and
33:23
you
33:23
were
33:24
offering
33:25
a
33:25
new
33:25
alternative.
33:26
And
33:26
I
33:26
imagine
33:26
that
33:27
may
33:27
have
33:27
been
33:27
received
33:28
in
33:28
a
33:28
very
33:28
powerful
33:29
sort
33:30
of
33:30
way.
33:30
yes.
33:31
and
33:31
again,
33:31
for
33:31
the
33:32
people
33:32
out
33:32
there
33:32
listening,
33:33
again,
33:33
we've
33:33
said
33:33
it
33:33
how
33:34
many
33:34
times,
33:34
your
33:34
brain
33:36
likes
33:36
familiarity
33:38
over
33:40
happiness
33:40
even.
33:41
if
33:41
it's
33:41
familiar,
33:42
your
33:42
brain
33:42
is
33:42
gonna
33:43
go
33:43
to
33:43
the
33:43
path
33:43
of
33:43
least
33:44
resistance
33:44
and-
33:45
Yep.
33:45
Yep
33:45
and
33:45
it's
33:45
gonna,
33:46
it's
33:46
just
33:46
going
33:47
to
33:47
do
33:47
that.
33:48
But
33:48
it's
33:48
so
33:48
funny,
33:49
but
33:49
I,
33:49
when
33:49
I
33:49
brought
33:49
up,
33:50
how
33:50
did
33:50
that
33:50
feel
33:51
sitting
33:51
there?"
33:51
she's
33:51
"Oh,
33:52
I
33:52
would
33:52
get
33:52
so
33:52
angry.
33:53
I
33:53
wanted
33:53
to
33:53
say
33:54
something
33:54
and
33:54
I
33:54
couldn't."
33:55
And,
33:55
and
33:55
that's
33:56
what
33:56
I
33:56
was
33:56
kinda
33:56
getting
33:57
at.
33:57
like
33:57
it
33:57
wasn't-
33:58
Yeah
33:58
it
33:58
wasn't
33:58
familiar.
33:59
It
33:59
wasn't
34:00
comfortable.
34:00
It
34:00
was
34:00
nothing.
34:01
She
34:01
was
34:01
like,
34:02
"I
34:02
just
34:02
wanna
34:02
tell
34:03
her..."
34:03
So
34:04
f-
34:04
tell
34:04
a
34:04
tree.
34:05
Literally,
34:06
you
34:06
would've
34:06
gotten
34:06
more
34:07
out
34:07
of
34:07
going-
34:07
and
34:07
hugging
34:08
a
34:08
tree
34:08
and
34:08
getting
34:09
that
34:09
out
34:09
of
34:09
your
34:09
body-
34:10
those
34:10
feelings.
34:12
Yeah.
34:12
And
34:12
you're
34:12
grounding
34:13
your
34:13
feet
34:13
in
34:13
nature
34:13
and
34:14
screaming
34:14
at
34:14
a
34:14
tree.
34:15
Yeah.
34:16
Get
34:16
it
34:16
out,
34:16
But
34:17
anyway-
34:17
Yeah
34:17
that
34:17
was
34:17
just
34:17
a
34:17
funny
34:18
story.
34:18
Yeah.
34:18
It's
34:18
a
34:18
great,
34:18
it's
34:19
a
34:19
great
34:19
example.
34:20
But-
34:20
Yeah
34:20
it
34:20
really
34:21
is
34:21
because
34:21
I
34:21
get
34:22
it.
34:22
and
34:22
we're
34:23
p-
34:23
how
34:23
many
34:23
people
34:24
that
34:24
grew
34:24
up
34:24
in
34:24
these
34:24
dysfunctional
34:25
households
34:26
grew
34:26
up
34:26
to
34:26
be
34:26
people
34:27
pleasers.
34:27
So
34:27
we
34:28
don't
34:28
wanna
34:28
rock
34:28
any
34:29
boats.
34:29
We
34:29
don't
34:29
wanna
34:30
c-
34:30
we
34:30
don't
34:30
like
34:30
confrontation.
34:31
They
34:31
don't
34:31
like
34:32
hurting
34:33
people's
34:33
feelings.
34:34
you're
34:34
all
34:34
about
34:35
making
34:35
people...
34:36
So
34:36
that's
34:36
just
34:36
another
34:37
ni-
34:38
notch
34:38
in
34:38
the
34:39
belt
34:39
as
34:39
far
34:39
as
34:40
I'm
34:40
gonna
34:41
hurt
34:41
somebody
34:41
else,
34:42
and
34:42
it's
34:42
gonna
34:42
be
34:42
my
34:42
therapist.
34:43
And
34:43
so
34:44
I
34:44
just
34:44
thought
34:44
I
34:44
would
34:44
bring
34:44
that
34:45
up.
34:45
I
34:45
thought
34:45
that
34:45
was
34:45
funny.
34:46
Yeah.
34:46
But
34:46
you've,
34:47
you've-
34:47
That's
34:47
a
34:47
great
34:47
point
34:47
clearly
34:47
worked
34:48
with
34:48
so
34:48
many
34:48
people,
34:49
and
34:49
I
34:49
love
34:50
this.
34:50
you've
34:50
done
34:50
so
34:51
many
34:51
people,
34:51
and
34:52
I
34:52
love
34:52
this
34:52
model.
34:54
And
34:54
tell
34:54
us
34:54
about
34:55
how
34:55
people
34:56
can
34:56
work
34:56
with
34:56
you,
34:57
where,
34:57
what
34:57
your
34:57
services
34:58
are.
34:58
Tell
34:59
us
34:59
about
34:59
that.
35:00
Yep.
35:00
So
35:00
Alma
35:01
is
35:01
a
35:02
network
35:02
of
35:03
over
35:03
24,000
35:05
licensed
35:05
therapists
35:06
and
35:07
medication
35:07
prescribers
35:08
across
35:09
the
35:09
US,
35:10
and
35:11
anyone
35:11
who's
35:11
looking
35:12
for
35:12
a
35:12
therapist,
35:13
and
35:13
m-
35:13
particularly
35:14
a
35:14
therapist
35:15
who
35:15
takes
35:15
their
35:16
insurance.
35:17
and
35:17
historically,
35:18
it
35:18
has
35:19
been
35:19
hard
35:19
to
35:20
find
35:20
a
35:20
therapist
35:21
who
35:21
you
35:21
feel
35:22
is
35:22
a
35:22
great
35:22
match,
35:23
who
35:23
provides
35:24
high-quality
35:25
care,
35:25
who
35:26
is
35:26
also
35:26
in
35:26
network
35:27
with
35:27
your
35:27
insurance
35:28
company.
35:29
And
35:29
so
35:29
Alma
35:30
really
35:30
exists
35:31
to
35:31
ensure
35:31
that
35:32
people
35:32
who
35:32
are
35:32
seeking
35:33
therapy
35:34
and
35:34
medication
35:35
can
35:35
find
35:36
the
35:36
right
35:36
therapist
35:37
and
35:37
have,
35:38
that,
35:38
that
35:39
care
35:40
covered
35:40
by
35:40
their
35:40
insurance
35:41
company.
35:42
we
35:42
have
35:42
a
35:42
directory
35:42
at
35:43
helloalma.com.
35:44
you
35:45
can
35:45
search
35:45
for
35:46
a
35:46
therapist
35:46
in
35:46
the
35:47
directory
35:47
who
35:47
does
35:48
acceptance
35:48
and
35:48
commitment
35:49
therapy.
35:50
and
35:50
so
35:50
that's
35:51
someone
35:51
who
35:51
has
35:52
training
35:53
in
35:53
the
35:53
kind
35:53
of
35:54
tools
35:54
and
35:54
techniques
35:55
that
35:55
I've
35:55
described
35:56
today.
35:56
But
35:56
we
35:56
also
35:57
have
35:57
therapists
35:57
who
35:57
do
35:58
IFS,
35:59
which
35:59
you
35:59
mentioned,
36:00
and
36:00
more
36:00
somatic
36:01
body-based
36:02
techniques,
36:03
and
36:03
who
36:03
really
36:04
treat,
36:04
the
36:05
full
36:05
range
36:05
of
36:06
different,
36:06
presenting
36:07
concerns
36:08
that
36:08
bring
36:08
clients
36:09
to
36:09
therapy,
36:10
and
36:10
the
36:10
different
36:11
people
36:11
who
36:11
are
36:12
needing
36:12
care.
36:13
and
36:13
so
36:13
you
36:13
can
36:13
find
36:14
a
36:14
therapist
36:14
and
36:15
request
36:15
a
36:15
free
36:16
consultation.
36:16
and
36:17
this
36:17
goes
36:17
back
36:17
to
36:17
what
36:18
you
36:18
were
36:18
talking
36:18
about
36:19
earlier.
36:20
The
36:20
great
36:20
thing
36:20
about
36:20
this
36:21
is
36:21
that
36:21
you
36:21
get
36:21
to
36:21
have
36:22
a
36:22
conversation
36:23
with
36:23
this
36:23
person-
36:24
Before
36:25
you
36:25
commit
36:25
to
36:25
working
36:26
with
36:26
them.
36:27
And
36:27
it's
36:27
a
36:27
little,
36:28
I
36:28
talk
36:29
about
36:29
it
36:29
a
36:29
little
36:29
bit
36:29
like
36:30
speed
36:30
dating.
36:31
You
36:31
can
36:31
often
36:32
figure
36:32
out
36:32
in
36:32
about
36:33
15
36:33
minutes
36:34
whether
36:34
this
36:34
is
36:35
someone
36:35
who
36:35
you
36:35
then
36:36
wanna
36:36
go
36:36
on
36:36
and
36:36
tell
36:36
your
36:37
life
36:37
story
36:37
to.
36:38
and
36:38
so
36:39
I
36:39
encourage
36:39
people
36:40
to,
36:41
find
36:41
a
36:41
couple
36:42
of
36:42
people
36:42
who
36:42
might
36:43
be
36:43
a
36:43
good
36:43
fit,
36:44
schedule
36:44
a
36:44
consultation,
36:45
chat
36:46
with
36:46
them
36:46
for
36:46
15
36:47
minutes,
36:48
and
36:48
see,
36:49
see
36:49
who
36:49
feels
36:50
like
36:50
your
36:51
person.
36:52
and
36:52
then
36:52
we
36:52
provide
36:53
the
36:53
platform
36:54
for
36:54
people
36:54
to
36:55
be
36:55
able
36:55
to
36:56
see
36:56
that
36:56
therapist,
36:57
and
36:57
get
36:57
the
36:57
care
36:57
they
36:58
need
36:58
while
36:59
having
36:59
that
36:59
covered
37:00
by
37:00
their
37:00
insurance
37:01
company.
37:01
So
37:02
that
37:02
is
37:02
who
37:02
we
37:03
are
37:03
and
37:03
how
37:03
we
37:03
work.
37:04
and
37:04
we've
37:04
supported
37:05
over
37:05
a
37:05
million
37:06
clients
37:07
in
37:07
finding
37:07
care.
37:08
Wow
37:08
so
37:08
it's
37:08
work
37:08
I'm
37:09
really
37:09
proud
37:09
of
37:10
and
37:10
I
37:10
think
37:11
has,
37:11
really
37:12
helped
37:12
fill
37:12
a
37:12
gap
37:13
of
37:14
peop-
37:14
of
37:14
this
37:14
need
37:15
for,
37:17
really
37:17
high-quality
37:18
therapy
37:19
that
37:20
is
37:20
paid
37:20
for
37:20
by
37:20
your
37:20
health
37:21
insurance.
37:22
So-
37:22
It's
37:22
a
37:22
matching-
37:22
I'm
37:23
passionate
37:23
about
37:23
it
37:23
therapy
37:23
matchmaker.
37:25
Yeah.
37:25
That's
37:25
exactly
37:26
right.
37:26
Therapy
37:26
matchmaking.
37:27
But-
37:28
That's
37:28
exactly
37:28
right
37:29
it's
37:29
true
37:30
because
37:30
I
37:30
know
37:30
people
37:31
that
37:31
just
37:31
get
37:31
overwhelmed
37:32
and
37:32
they're
37:32
like,
37:32
"I
37:32
just
37:33
can't
37:33
do
37:33
it.
37:33
I'm
37:33
not
37:33
making
37:33
any
37:34
more
37:34
phone
37:34
calls.
37:34
I'm
37:34
not
37:34
doing
37:35
anything."
37:35
Yep.
37:35
But
37:35
to
37:35
be
37:36
able
37:36
to
37:36
go,
37:37
"Okay,
37:37
this
37:37
is
37:37
what
37:37
I
37:37
need,"
37:38
and
37:38
it
37:39
span
37:39
out
37:40
and-
37:40
Yeah
37:40
a
37:41
lot
37:41
of,
37:41
like
37:41
you
37:41
said,
37:42
a
37:42
lot
37:42
of
37:42
people,
37:43
a
37:43
lot
37:43
of
37:43
the
37:43
therapists
37:44
are
37:44
probably
37:45
able
37:45
to
37:45
work
37:45
in
37:46
many
37:46
different
37:46
states
37:47
and-
37:47
Yep
37:49
online
37:49
and,
37:50
I
37:50
say
37:50
it's
37:50
therapy
37:51
is,
37:52
it's
37:52
still
37:52
one
37:52
of
37:52
those
37:53
things
37:53
that
37:53
peop-
37:54
not
37:54
everybody
37:54
has
37:55
access
37:55
to,
37:55
but
37:55
it's
37:56
becoming
37:56
easier
37:57
because
37:57
there
37:57
are
37:57
so
37:57
many
37:57
people
37:58
that
37:58
are
37:59
online,
37:59
that
38:00
do
38:00
multiple
38:00
states,
38:01
that
38:02
meet
38:02
via
38:02
Zoom.
38:03
Although
38:03
I'm
38:04
still-
38:04
Yep
38:07
Me
38:07
too.
38:08
I
38:08
don't
38:08
think
38:09
there
38:09
will-
38:09
Being
38:09
in
38:09
person
38:09
is-
38:10
I
38:10
don't
38:11
know.
38:11
I'm
38:11
all
38:11
about
38:11
this
38:12
co-regulation,
38:13
and
38:13
I'm
38:13
all
38:13
about-
38:14
Yeah
38:14
energy.
38:14
So
38:14
there's
38:15
nothing
38:15
like
38:15
putting
38:16
your
38:16
hand
38:16
on
38:16
someone's
38:17
shoulders
38:17
and
38:17
saying,
38:18
"You
38:18
got
38:18
this."
38:18
there's-
38:19
No
38:19
nothing
38:19
like
38:19
it.
38:20
It's-
38:20
No.
38:21
No
38:21
there,
38:21
it
38:22
will
38:22
never
38:22
be.
38:22
But
38:23
we're
38:23
in
38:23
a
38:23
different
38:23
world
38:24
now.
38:25
Yep.
38:25
before
38:25
there
38:25
wasn't-
38:25
And-
38:25
the
38:25
internet,
38:26
And
38:26
the
38:26
hope
38:27
is
38:27
that,
38:27
while
38:28
there
38:28
is,
38:29
I
38:29
think,
38:29
something
38:29
that
38:30
is
38:30
irreplaceable
38:31
about
38:31
sitting
38:31
across
38:32
from
38:32
a
38:32
person
38:33
in
38:33
person,
38:33
that
38:34
finding
38:35
a
38:35
therapist
38:36
who
38:37
really
38:37
is
38:38
focused
38:38
on
38:40
allowing
38:41
you
38:42
to
38:43
identify
38:44
what
38:45
you
38:45
want
38:45
your
38:46
life
38:46
to
38:46
be
38:46
about,
38:47
and
38:47
then
38:47
to
38:47
use
38:48
things,
38:48
everything
38:49
they
38:49
know
38:50
to
38:50
help
38:50
you
38:50
move
38:51
in
38:51
that
38:51
direction
38:52
is
38:52
just,
38:53
is
38:53
an
38:53
invaluable
38:54
gift.
38:54
So-
38:55
It
38:55
really
38:55
is
38:55
I
38:56
truly
38:56
believe-
38:56
I
38:56
encourage
38:56
everyone
38:57
to
38:57
do
38:57
it.
38:58
I
38:59
truly
38:59
believe
38:59
every
38:59
second
39:00
you
39:00
spend,
39:01
every
39:01
penny
39:01
you
39:01
spend,
39:02
whatever
39:02
it
39:02
is,
39:02
whatever
39:03
you
39:03
spend
39:03
any
39:04
kind
39:04
of
39:04
energy
39:04
going
39:05
towards
39:05
having
39:05
a
39:05
better
39:06
life.
39:06
I
39:06
tell
39:07
people,
39:07
if
39:07
you
39:07
wake
39:07
up
39:07
in
39:07
the
39:08
morning
39:08
and
39:08
you're
39:08
not
39:09
just
39:09
"Whoa,
39:10
today's
39:10
gonna
39:10
be
39:10
an
39:10
amazing
39:11
day,"
39:11
because
39:11
everybody,
39:12
every
39:12
day
39:12
is,
39:13
then
39:13
you
39:14
have
39:14
some
39:14
exploring
39:15
to
39:15
do.
39:16
And
39:16
you're
39:16
worth
39:16
it.
39:17
Yeah.
39:18
Couldn't
39:18
agree
39:19
more.
39:19
Yeah.
39:20
Dr.
39:20
Elizabeth,
39:21
thank
39:21
you
39:21
so
39:21
much
39:22
for
39:22
coming
39:22
on.
39:22
I
39:22
so
39:23
appreciate
39:23
it,
39:24
but
39:24
you're
39:24
not
39:25
off
39:25
the
39:25
hook.
39:25
Before
39:26
you
39:26
leave-
39:26
Yep
39:27
if
39:27
you
39:27
could
39:27
give
39:27
the
39:27
listeners
39:28
one
39:29
last
39:29
piece
39:29
of
39:29
advice,
39:30
words
39:30
of
39:30
wisdom,
39:31
something
39:31
tangible
39:32
or-
39:33
Yep
39:33
just
39:33
something
39:33
they
39:34
can
39:34
take
39:34
with
39:34
them
39:34
today
39:36
to
39:36
either
39:36
use
39:37
or
39:37
make
39:37
their
39:37
day
39:37
a
39:37
little
39:37
brighter,
39:38
what
39:38
would
39:38
it
39:38
be?
39:40
It
39:40
would
39:40
be
39:41
that
39:41
I
39:42
think
39:42
we
39:42
tend
39:43
to
39:43
over-rely
39:44
on
39:45
motivation
39:46
and
39:46
willpower,
39:47
and
39:47
forget
39:48
that
39:49
we
39:49
can
39:49
set
39:49
up
39:49
our
39:50
environment
39:51
to
39:51
help
39:51
us
39:51
do
39:52
the
39:52
things
39:52
that
39:52
we
39:53
want
39:53
to
39:53
do.
39:54
And
39:54
so
39:54
an
39:54
example
39:55
that
39:55
I
39:55
give
39:55
of
39:56
that
39:56
is
39:56
that
39:57
let's
39:57
say
39:57
I
39:57
wanna
39:58
drink
39:58
more
39:58
water,
39:59
right?
40:00
I
40:00
can
40:00
hope
40:01
that
40:01
I
40:02
remember
40:03
between
40:03
meetings
40:04
to
40:04
stand
40:05
up
40:05
and
40:05
walk
40:05
to
40:05
the
40:05
kitchen
40:06
and
40:06
pour
40:06
a
40:06
glass
40:07
of
40:07
water
40:07
and
40:07
drink
40:08
it,
40:09
or
40:09
I
40:09
can
40:10
have
40:10
a
40:10
water
40:10
bottle
40:11
sitting
40:11
there
40:12
on
40:12
my
40:12
desk
40:13
that
40:13
is
40:13
always
40:14
full,
40:14
right?
40:14
That
40:14
I
40:15
fill
40:15
it
40:15
in
40:15
the
40:15
morning,
40:16
and
40:16
all
40:16
I
40:17
have
40:17
to
40:17
do
40:17
is
40:17
reach
40:18
for
40:18
it.
40:18
And
40:18
I
40:18
know
40:19
it
40:19
sounds
40:19
like
40:19
a
40:19
silly
40:20
example
40:20
when
40:20
it
40:21
comes
40:21
to
40:21
drinking
40:21
water,
40:22
but
40:22
I
40:22
think
40:23
in
40:23
terms
40:24
of
40:24
things
40:24
like,
40:25
relationships
40:26
and
40:26
getting
40:26
support.
40:27
you
40:27
can
40:28
set
40:28
up
40:28
your
40:28
environment
40:29
to
40:30
do
40:30
some
40:30
of
40:30
the
40:30
work
40:31
for
40:31
you.
40:31
And
40:31
so
40:32
if
40:32
you
40:32
have
40:33
a
40:33
book
40:33
group
40:34
on
40:34
every
40:35
Wednesday
40:35
night
40:36
that
40:36
you've
40:36
committed
40:37
to,
40:38
you're
40:38
not
40:38
having
40:38
to
40:39
decide
40:39
at
40:39
4:30
40:40
"Oh,
40:40
I
40:40
don't
40:41
know.
40:41
I
40:41
know
40:41
I
40:41
would
40:42
feel
40:42
better
40:42
if
40:42
I
40:43
connected
40:43
with
40:44
other
40:44
people."
40:45
No,
40:45
you've
40:46
like
40:46
already
40:46
made
40:47
this
40:47
commitment.
40:48
You've
40:48
set
40:48
up
40:48
your
40:48
environment.
40:49
You
40:50
know
40:50
where
40:50
to
40:50
go,
40:51
and
40:51
you
40:52
can
40:52
do
40:52
that.
40:52
And
40:53
so
40:53
really
40:54
beginning
40:54
to
40:54
think
40:55
about,
40:55
okay,
40:56
if
40:57
I
40:57
wanna
40:57
change,
40:58
how
40:58
can
40:58
I
40:59
use
40:59
the
40:59
environment
41:00
around
41:00
me
41:01
to
41:01
support
41:02
me?
41:02
To
41:02
make
41:02
changing
41:03
the
41:03
easiest
41:04
and
41:04
the
41:04
most
41:04
obvious
41:05
response,
41:06
as
41:06
opposed
41:07
to
41:07
something
41:07
that
41:07
I
41:07
have
41:08
to
41:08
kinda
41:08
summon
41:09
the
41:09
willpower
41:09
and
41:09
the
41:10
motivation
41:10
to
41:11
grit
41:11
my
41:11
teeth
41:12
and
41:12
get
41:12
it
41:12
done.
41:13
And
41:13
it's
41:13
amazing
41:14
when
41:14
you
41:14
think
41:15
that
41:15
way
41:16
and
41:16
when
41:16
you
41:16
begin
41:17
to
41:17
engage
41:17
in
41:17
your
41:18
environment
41:18
that
41:19
way,
41:19
it
41:20
opens
41:20
up
41:20
doors
41:21
and
41:21
things
41:21
just
41:21
become
41:22
easier.
41:23
So-
41:23
I
41:23
like
41:24
the
41:24
water
41:24
bottle
41:24
example.
41:25
I
41:25
live
41:26
by
41:26
it
41:26
and
41:26
encourage
41:27
people
41:27
to
41:27
think
41:27
about
41:28
what
41:28
are
41:28
the
41:28
equivalents
41:29
in
41:29
your
41:29
life
41:30
where
41:30
you
41:30
could
41:30
make
41:30
something
41:31
available
41:31
to
41:32
yourself
41:32
that
41:32
would
41:33
make
41:33
doing
41:33
what
41:34
you
41:34
wanna
41:34
do
41:35
easier?
41:37
Love
41:38
that.
41:38
Love
41:38
that.
41:39
Thank
41:39
you
41:39
so
41:40
much.
41:41
Absolutely.
41:41
Yeah,
41:42
I
41:42
really
41:43
appreciate
41:43
you
41:43
coming
41:43
on.
41:43
And
41:44
for
41:44
everybody
41:44
else
41:44
out
41:44
there,
41:45
that
41:45
right
41:45
there,
41:46
and
41:46
just
41:46
putting
41:47
into
41:47
perspective
41:47
what
41:48
she
41:48
just
41:48
said,
41:49
is
41:50
what
41:50
therapy,
41:51
coaching,
41:51
groups,
41:52
support,
41:53
it's
41:53
about
41:54
having
41:54
an
41:54
accountability
41:55
partner
41:56
with
41:56
yourself
41:56
or
41:57
with
41:57
someone
41:57
else,
41:57
because
41:58
sometimes
41:59
we
41:59
forget
42:00
to
42:00
take
42:00
care
42:01
of
42:01
ourselves,
42:01
and
42:02
sometimes
42:02
it's
42:02
not...
42:03
It,
42:03
we...
42:03
It
42:04
is.
42:04
We
42:04
become,
42:04
we
42:05
make
42:05
healing
42:06
a
42:06
task.
42:07
something
42:07
we
42:08
have
42:08
to
42:08
do.
42:08
"I
42:09
have
42:09
to
42:09
do
42:09
my
42:09
yoga."
42:10
No,
42:10
you
42:10
should
42:10
wanna
42:11
get
42:11
with
42:11
a
42:11
group
42:11
of
42:11
people
42:12
and
42:12
feel
42:13
it
42:13
and
42:13
love
42:13
it
42:14
and
42:14
be
42:14
with
42:14
it.
42:15
But
42:15
yeah,
42:15
no,
42:16
that
42:16
makes
42:16
so
42:16
much
42:16
sense.
42:17
And
42:18
that's
42:18
what
42:18
I
42:18
kinda
42:19
think
42:19
of
42:19
as
42:20
a
42:20
therapist,
42:21
honestly,
42:22
is
42:22
a
42:22
little
42:22
bit
42:22
of
42:22
an
42:22
accountability
42:23
partner.
42:23
I
42:24
know
42:24
I'm
42:24
checking
42:24
in,
42:25
I
42:25
know
42:25
this
42:25
is
42:25
my
42:25
stuff
42:26
to
42:26
do,
42:26
I
42:26
know
42:27
they're
42:27
gonna
42:27
give
42:27
me
42:27
things
42:28
to
42:28
think
42:28
about
42:28
throughout
42:29
the
42:29
week,
42:29
and
42:30
it's
42:30
not
42:30
that
42:30
I
42:30
don't
42:30
wanna
42:30
disappoint
42:31
them,
42:31
but
42:31
I
42:31
wanna
42:32
have
42:32
a
42:32
better
42:32
life,
42:33
so
42:33
I'm
42:33
gonna
42:33
do
42:34
these
42:34
things.
42:35
And
42:35
yes,
42:35
there's
42:36
apps
42:36
that
42:36
can
42:37
set
42:37
you
42:37
up
42:37
for
42:37
success.
42:38
There's-
42:38
Yep
42:39
there's
42:40
so
42:40
many
42:40
different
42:41
things.
42:41
I
42:41
am
42:41
guilty
42:42
of
42:42
that.
42:42
I
42:42
literally
42:43
set
42:43
my
42:43
alarm
42:44
for
42:44
every
42:44
45
42:45
minutes,
42:45
and
42:45
I
42:45
get
42:45
up
42:46
and
42:46
I
42:46
walk
42:46
across
42:47
the
42:47
room
42:47
and
42:47
I
42:48
get
42:48
a
42:48
drink
42:48
of
42:48
water,
42:48
because
42:49
otherwise-
42:49
Yep
42:49
I
42:49
will
42:49
sit
42:50
at
42:50
my
42:50
desk
42:50
for
42:50
six
42:50
hours
42:51
and
42:51
not
42:51
move.
42:52
And
42:52
then
42:52
what
42:52
do
42:52
I
42:52
do?
42:53
Yep.
42:53
I'm
42:53
like,
42:53
"Oh,
42:53
I
42:53
don't
42:53
understand
42:54
why
42:54
my
42:54
feet
42:54
are
42:54
numb."
42:57
Yes.
42:58
Yeah,
42:58
and
42:58
that's
42:59
exactly
42:59
what
42:59
I
43:00
mean.
43:00
You
43:00
set
43:00
up
43:01
your
43:01
environment
43:01
to
43:01
help
43:02
you
43:02
do
43:02
the
43:02
right
43:02
thing,
43:03
and
43:03
suddenly
43:03
g-
43:03
doing
43:04
the
43:04
right
43:04
thing
43:04
becomes
43:05
that
43:05
much
43:05
easier.
43:06
Yep.
43:06
And,
43:07
And
43:07
it
43:07
becomes
43:07
muscle
43:07
memory
43:08
that's
43:08
a
43:08
really
43:08
beautiful
43:08
thing.
43:09
Yeah.
43:09
Absolutely.
43:09
It
43:09
becomes
43:10
muscle
43:10
memory,
43:10
and
43:11
that's
43:11
what
43:11
it
43:11
needs
43:11
to
43:11
be,
43:12
a
43:12
subconscious
43:13
thing,
43:13
where
43:13
you're
43:13
just
43:13
grabbing
43:14
for
43:14
the
43:14
things
43:14
that
43:14
are
43:14
right
43:15
instead
43:16
of
43:16
following
43:16
the
43:16
patterns
43:17
that
43:17
are
43:17
wrong.
43:17
So
43:18
again,
43:19
guys,
43:19
bless
43:20
you.
43:20
Thank
43:20
you
43:21
so
43:21
much,
43:21
and
43:22
I
43:22
hope
43:22
you
43:22
enjoyed
43:22
this
43:23
interview
43:23
with
43:23
Elizabeth,
43:24
and
43:24
I
43:25
am
43:25
super
43:25
excited
43:26
to
43:27
let
43:27
you
43:27
hear
43:27
what
43:27
comes
43:28
next.
43:28
So
43:28
you
43:29
have
43:29
a
43:29
blessed
43:29
day,
43:29
and
43:29
we'll
43:30
see
43:30
you
43:30
back