Latest / Into The Mud Podcast / Ep. 89: Pregnancy and the Body Shame We Carry with Sydney Rose Miller

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Ep. 89: Pregnancy and the Body Shame We Carry with Sydney Rose Miller · Into The Mud Podcast

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: While others celebrate the win?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: We celebrate the mud.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: Each episode has a special guest.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: Tony nominated actress Broadway's Lily Cooper.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: Here's a man! David A.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: Gregory.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: Getting messy with muddy topics.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: We are going to be talking about grief journey.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: With hilarious moments.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: Now, now get over here.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: And deep conversations.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: Shame to even admit this, but this is what happens.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: This is Into the Mud.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Into the Mud Podcast, while others celebrate the wins.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: We celebrate the mud.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Alex Kuman.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Drew King.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: We have one of my favorite human beings in the world on this podcast today, the incredible Sydney Miller.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, guys.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Sydney!
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: We were talking on Saturday.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: This is technically, we're saying that it's your second appearance on the podcast, but technically it's your third.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_02: You were the first episode that we filmed.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: The like number one episode that we filmed, and Alex and I were like, we didn't know what we were doing.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so ignored by that.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: Sid, we're so happy to have you back.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_04: I'm so happy to be back.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_04: My favorite Pete.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we um you're in a different state of being than you were last time.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: You are eight months pregnant.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: And eight months.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: Eight months.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: Wild.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: He is coming.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: He's coming.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: Sweet baby boy.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: Sweet baby boy.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: We're super, super excited to have you here for this conversation because it's quite the 180 from where you were last time.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of physically and in life.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: Last episode, we were talking about breakups, and you were That's right.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: That is talking breakups.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: And you were at the peak of fitness.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: You were teaching how many boxing classes a day?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: You were coaching Alex, all the other comedians.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: And now you are pregnant.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: On the complete other side of the spectrum.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about it.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: How are you feeling?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_04: I feel pretty good, all things considered.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_04: I feel incredibly excited, yeah, to meet him.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like that's been the theme of my last.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_04: I know.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like giddy, like, oh my gosh, he's gonna be so cute.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, and then I think I feel up and down.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's been definitely a bumpy road, I would say, like a windy journey.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_04: But I feel so grateful that I'm at this point in life and becoming a mom, not like 25-year-old me becoming a mom.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_04: So yeah.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: How old are you for the folks?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: 36.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Incredible.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_04: 36.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_04: I'm a geriatric pregnancy.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: When does it grow?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Does it become geriatric at 35?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: Five.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: Awesome.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: You just hit the threshold.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_04: I know, bro.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_04: And they always say it so apologetically.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_04: They're like, because you know you're geriatric.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: Because you're because if you're old, OCP fuck.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_03: You missed.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: Spinster summers.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: Spinster summers.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: So how has it been?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because you know, you and I have talked about this individually.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I've talked to other women who have gone through pregnancy, and it runs the gamut of people who are like, I love it.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: I felt glowing.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: I like loved being pregnant.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: To women that are straight up like, I hated it.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: I was nauseous for nine months.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, my friend was literally vomiting from all of second and third trimester, like multiple times a day.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: I've had friends who are like, I feel disgusting and I feel out of control of my body and I feel like I'm not allowed to talk about it because it's such a beautiful thing.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: So where are you with the pregnancy itself and the changes that you're seeing?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_04: It's funny because I I want to speak to someone who's like, I loved pregnancy because I can't really imagine just summing it up like that.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, kudos to them.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_04: That's awesome.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_04: But for me, that's not been my story.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't plan my pregnancy.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_04: I think that's important to say because none of the shifts that I went through I was like at all prepared for.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_04: I wouldn't say I love it at all.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_04: I I would also not say that there's ever.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_04: Frankly, I fucking hate it.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_04: But I wouldn't say there's ever been a moment where I regret it or or think I shouldn't have done this or it won't be worth it.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: So it's I think that's so interesting because I do feel like there are a lot of people who might be in that position of like, oh man, I wish I didn't do that, you know?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a scary place to be.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_04: A hundred percent.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_04: So I think for me it's been somewhere in the middle, I guess, because technically it's been a very healthy pregnancy, although I haven't felt what I associate with healthy, which is also interesting.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_04: Because everyone says you should be so grateful because I haven't had any along the way, there's been not one red flag in any of my testing, which is actually like I don't know.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: Especially for geriatrics.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: Especially for me.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm old as fuck for your old bones.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_04: My old bones again through this.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_04: No, yes.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_04: I I think a lot of people are like, you should feel so lucky, or you're having such a great pregnancy.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_04: And I don't I haven't felt good in a long time.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_04: I'm so excited to not be pregnant.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: I was looking at your Instagram yesterday.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: You you brought it up when we were all texting about like topic, you know, ideation, and that there's a lot of women who are out there that are connecting with you and your message on social media right now, which is essentially the contradiction of like, yeah, like a healthy pregnancy, learning how to take up space, but also like the resurfacing of like very juvenile body image issues that, of course, is not your fault, it's just fucking society and the way that men and the patriarchy, you know, forces body standards on women in particular.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: So, how are you feeling with that massive contradiction right now, especially as someone who is like a fitness influencer and has made their brand and their business off being quote unquote fit, whatever your definition of that is, and how your body is changing and how you're reconciling that?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: How do you feel?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, such a great question.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_04: And I have so much to say on it.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, so my job is to coach people in their weight loss process.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_04: My sport is boxing, where you have to cut weight and be super lean to enter into your fight and tournaments.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_04: And since I was, I probably was able to like achieve only achieve this body that I had prior to pregnancy in my like mid to late 20s.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_04: So I would say for like 10 years, I was like, oh, I fixed like my problems because but I didn't fix them by healing the parts of me that were broken.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_04: I fixed them by like having a six bag and we're shredded, absolutely shredded.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: We'll pop a photo in there.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: We'll pop a photo in there of shredded on fire island.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: Pictures of me in a bathing suit next to Sid, just like, here are my boobs.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_03: Hard to imagine now.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_04: I know, but yeah, so that was me.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_04: Um, no, but so yeah, that's what I was actually thinking about.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_04: I was journaling last night in preparation for this, and I was remembering this story of myself.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_04: I was a competitive swimmer when I was young, and I was like, I would say I hit puberty around 12 years old, you know, kind of early.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_04: And I grew boobs, like overnight.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_04: And I remember being feeling a lot more like I do right now at that age, like 12, 13 years old, gaining body fat, gaining curves, not knowing how to fix what I saw as a problem.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_04: And I was a competitive swimmer and I was sitting in like a coach's meeting.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_04: So my coach is talking to a group of kids 12 to 15 years old, and I'm just looking around at the other girls and noticing that my like when I sit in my bathing suit, my fat folds over and I'm literally like squeezing the fat on my body, and I'm looking at these super lean girls who get to sit and scrunch up, but they don't have fat.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, how do I get out of this body and into one of theirs because I feel so ashamed and uncomfortable?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_04: And so everyone calls it disordered eating or or or disordered body image.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_04: Like I think it's I always challenge people on that because I feel like that's what we're really conditioned to feel, you know.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_04: There's like, it's not that we have a disorder, it's that the correct response to what we are being told.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_04: Of course, it's like the logical response, you know.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_04: For me, at least that was a case.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_04: So and then I always thought I like, yeah, I guess I hadn't considered myself as still struggling with those issues anymore because I was in a body that I felt so confident in.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_04: And so when I thought of pregnancy, because I did think of pregnancy a lot, because I had thought about freezing my eggs, I was in the process of considering freezing my eggs when I got pregnant.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_04: So when I thought about pregnancy, I thought I'll just stay fit and have like a belly popping out and it'll be great.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_04: Then like, and then I got pregnant, and then I was like so hungry, like the amount of hunger I felt my first time was honestly because I had been so controlled with like what I was eating for so long, yeah, that when it was it was almost like the the like inner beasts came out, and I was like, feed me every it was it was it was like heart scary.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like not just permission, but like you have to.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: You do have to, yeah.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_04: And I remember speaking to my friend on the phone who's a nutritionist, and she was like, Sid, you're you like you're too lean to to make a healthy baby, or your body is telling you you need more fat.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_04: And oftentimes in pregnancy, women will, I don't know, regress or transform like back into your most natural state, you know.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_04: And so for me, that was so scary because I had haven't been there in so long.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and there's trauma from when we're in your most natural state.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_04: And so then I'm literally 36 years old and I'm getting ready to be a mom for the first time, and I'm feel I'm literally feeling those same feelings of like humiliated, like I want to hide, I want to escape my body.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_04: I like everyone's reactions to because I'm a very public person and I share a lot of my life, and going to the gym doesn't feel the same when you're 45 pounds heavier, which is the amount of weight I've gained so far.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: But what I will say, you just don't need the weight vest anymore, you know?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's just internal.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: But like what he's well, it's because you're fat.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's because you got fat, very simply.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: Sid.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I just I because I I John and I went to train with Sid last week.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so we're at like we're at Gleason's gym.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: So cute.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: It was adorable.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: We were we're so cute.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um we're at Gleason's gym, which is like the boxing gym in New York City.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: It is for whatever reason the most peak.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: I've never seen more people in there.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: It was you, me, and I believe two other women that I saw.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: So there's four women in there, and then it's just all men.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: All men, right?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: Of like varying sizes and not that varying of shapes.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: They're all jacked to shit.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Sounds hot.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because it was so hot.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: You would love it.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to put you in the corner.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_03: That's why I worked the hot point.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: Boxing.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: But like when we walked in, you were in the back, and I went to go find you, and you're just on the bench.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: You're just like on the bench doing like medicine ball crunches.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, on crunches, don't worry.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they weren't sorry, sorry, sorry.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: They weren't crunches.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: They weren't crunches.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: Sorry, you're doing triceps.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a baby, it's a hernia.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: Psycho bed.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: No, she was very in a very healthy child forward way.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then was actively coaching, sweating with us, holding mitts for an hour.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I've never seen anyone do that.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: I've never seen a pregnant woman be as active as you are.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's one of the cool things that I have like watched for the last eight months with you is like it is it looks different.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: But you haven't stopped the thing that you love to do.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: It just looks different.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I have had so many, or I'm not gonna speak from personal experience because I've never been pregnant, but what I think a lot of women think is like, I'm not allowed to be active.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not allowed to do anything more than like a gentle walk through a cherry blossom garden.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's like, no, you can still be like, you get moderate it, but to the point of your doctors, they're like, do it until it do what feels good.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's the thing.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that's been so cool.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I, in terms of like this space, I was talking to uh our friend, Hattie, yesterday, uh, who is also raising a child out out in the UK, and she was saying So you could be like out of wedlock.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: Out of wedlock.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_03: You know me.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: She's also a single old fab.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: But she was saying strength for you has looked a very specific way for your career of being a trainer, and that you are about to enter into a new chapter where strength is going to look different, but does not have any less value because it's not, it's not just gonna be physical strength.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be emotional and like essentially like emotional strength and just like pushing you to a different limit and that while your physical self may present differently for right now and for a little bit into the future, you get to test the limits of a different kind of strength that you've never had to do before.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_04: 100%.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_04: And I will say, you know, I can't even emphasize enough how many lessons in this process have been so valuable for me.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_04: And and I think the hardest lessons, you don't you can't learn them until you have to learn them.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_04: Like the lessons we have to learn in our core, we're not just gonna like pick up a book or pick up our journal and write into them or read into them.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_04: We're gonna have to be faced with some obstacle that we literally cannot overcome or we can't navigate through without building a whole new skill set, you know?
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_04: And that's what pregnancy has been for me because it's too hard of a process, especially when you're not, I mean, I'm gonna say, especially when you're not with a partner, although I'm not minimizing people have really tough pregnancies with a partner, and that's a whole different conversation.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_04: But me navigating this without a partner, it's like if I hated myself through this process, I don't think I could get through it, you know?
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_04: It's just too hard.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_04: So it's like I've had to build this muscle of loving myself at a state that feels so uncomfortable for me.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_04: And then also to Hattie's point, it's like the amount of power that you have when you're pregnant, like mental power, like the the things you watch yourself doing, like when I'm like I mean, people stop me at Gleason's all the time and are like, are you sure you're good?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_04: It looks crazy to see a pregnant woman boxing.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_04: And the things I've navigated, I mean, I've had to restructure my whole life overnight.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_04: I moved from Puerto Rico back to New York.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, you know, now having to probably move apartments, like my whole financials life has had to have restructuring.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_04: Everything about my life has had to flip on its head, and I have a different brain capacity because my brain is not built for that type of thinking right now.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_04: I'm growing new organs.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like literally creating the love of my life in my body.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_04: So it's like you can't not see the power in that.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_04: You you would have to be blind to not see the power in everything I'm doing right now.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_04: So, and one of actually something I articulated in an Instagram post that's gotten so many, so much feedback, which I love, like such awesome feedback from other women is like for the first time in my life, there has been moments where I'm able to love bigness.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_04: But I mean, and they're fleeting, but there have been moments where I'm like, oh my god, like my tits are huge.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_04: But like there's this thing, this is I I shared with you this fact, but there's this thing that your boobs do when you're pregnant when you give birth, when you're breastfeeding, like your nipples can sense your breast milk, gets like your nipples have like receptors that can be a feedback loop that can sense what nutrients your baby might be deficient in and therefore alter them.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, crazy.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: Can you imagine if your dick could do that?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: I know, right?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_03: You guys are so lame, it's insane going through this.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_03: What would my dick imagine?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_02: It'd be like poppers, you need more poppers.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, first and foremost, the human body is fucking incredible.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_02: I it always blows my mind to think that you, yeah, you're quite literally growing another human being.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: You're growing an alien inside of you.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like there's a parasite inside of you.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's crazy.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_02: And the way that the body adjusts to it, especially when you're giving birth, and especially if you're doing, I don't know, like outside of a C-section, you're doing a natural birth.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, the way that your body adjusts to like get that basketball out of that tiny hole is crazy.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: It comes out of your butt.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: I know, I know.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: I did know this, yes.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: But what you said about power, I think is really important and beautiful because we had an episode a few weeks ago with Justine, and essentially the conversation was around misogyny and how complicated it is the patriarchy, blah, blah, blah.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_02: But the topic of conversation that came up was why is it that, of course, not all men, this is a generalization, but why is it that so many men feel threatened by women?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_02: And Justine's response was because women have power.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: They have the power to create human life and carry human life.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: Life as it is, of course, it takes two to tango, but like life quite literally could not happen without the female body.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: The men just like drop their load and then you do everything else.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: 100%.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_02: And that is, I think ultimately subconsciously intimidating to men because that's fucking powerful.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: That is powerful.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where the control comes into.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I think very much related to the body image issue, and what there's like this discourse now, particularly with the Epstein file release, of like this obsession over women looking small and young and tiny like a child.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that that's where all of our that that all of these men who are literally listed in the files were like the CEOs of these companies that are feeding these messages to a Victoria's Secret and the the the every magazine, whatever it is, that sports illustrator.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: Sports illustrated that that they were in charge of putting forth images of the ideal woman.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: And that always happened to be the smallest, youngest, hairless, tightest little girl that it could be.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's no wonder that all of us are like fighting, aging and fighting, getting bigger and fighting, looking anything but like a child, it's a straight up child.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so it it's such a it's been such a fascinating thing to watch and a beautiful thing to watch women talking about this more and having this like, oh wait, I why why the fuck am I like starving myself or like plucking every hair out of my butt?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: For what?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: For who?
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: For who?
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_02: For me.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: For yeah.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: For yeah.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: But and and it's not like it fixes itself overnight.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like, oh, now I know the facts, and now it's that's and I think that's what this is, where it's like, okay, there's like, let's take a look at why we feel this way and like what are the emotions under it?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: How do they make me feel?
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: And like really sit with that.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_04: But I think as a coach, it has even the way that I speak to my clients now, because I'm coaching them through weight loss, and the way that I've approached them in questioning, in my question, my line of questioning of what their goals are, and then the way that I support them through the coaching process has shifted already so much because I'm speaking from a different place.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_04: So obviously, you know, your perspective shapes the way you approach everything, and my perspective is so different just given these last, you know, eight months.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_04: And I also had, you know, severe imposter syndrome when I entered into this journey.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_04: So I was like, how am I gonna inspire people without my six pack?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_04: Like, how am I gonna show people what fit looks like when I'm 40 pounds heavier?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_04: Like, how am I eating all this stuff?
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_04: And then I'm telling my clients to like eat this healthy diet, you know, all this contradiction that I felt at the beginning when I was first going through the change, and then only to realize that my following on Instagram has grown like 5,000 in like a very short period of time.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_04: And I've had all these messages, and even from clients of mine, an old client of mine reached out and was like, seeing you navigate pregnancy, I just have to say she's never been pregnant.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_04: It's the most I've ever related to you.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_04: And we're good friends, and I've shared a lot with her.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_04: She said what I'm sharing now and what I'm going through feels so much closer to what she goes through.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_04: And and then the messages that I get from, you know, people who have gone through pregnancy, it's just incredible how common this experience is, I think.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_04: And is it talked about?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_04: I I don't know.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_04: I I didn't I wasn't really privy to a conversation that like head-on addressed it.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_04: I knew people struggled through pregnancy, but I had no idea of like what the struggle felt like and what the nature of it was, you know, until now.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: I've never I've never seen anyone like outwardly being like, here's can I let's just like lay this out factually.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, also like just factually.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_04: This look at look watch what is happening to my body, and this is well, because also if you told me I'm like quite literally, if you told me I might gain 45 pounds, I don't think I would have believed you.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_04: I thought I would gain maybe tops 20 pounds, and it's all in your labia.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_03: I scream you guys want to see it.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: Carrying your labia over your shoulder.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's wild.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_02: The weight distribution.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_02: Libia, baby.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um I I I it's interesting because I have heard of this a little bit.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_02: I maybe it also is because I come from the dance world in the entertainment world, adjacent to fitness, of course.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: But there's I think a lot of unfortunately in a heartbreaking way, there's a lot of eating disorders from a very young age, in particular for ballet dancers and even a lot of musical theater girls.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: So a lot of like not not a lot, but like there are quite a few of my girlfriends who have in the past struggled with eating disorders.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_02: And then when pregnancy came on, it triggered a lot.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: It really triggered a lot of like emotional stress, a lot of trauma.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I have quite a few friends who did talk about it extensively on Instagram.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, good for you.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like awesome.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: I can't imagine to like have that like that deep of a trauma, especially something related to an eating disorder.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: And then now your body is quite literally without without your choice is making you look back to the thing that gave you the trauma.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: But what I also find interesting is, again, because of dancers, I used to take ballet class and there were pregnant women in ballet class who were like, they were leaping and they were jumping and they were turning and they were lifting their legs.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, they also were like, oh, they were like, oh my god, my turnout is so much more.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_02: Your hair is my clear speech are opening and they're like, oh my god, I've never been able to get it.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: They just break open.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_02: Devil.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: They literally break open.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's painful too.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't know.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_02: I just find it fascinating because I've seen the full range.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: I've seen some, some of my female dancers who are like, fuck it, I'm embracing it.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I've also seen some of my friends who are like, they are still going to the gym and they look like that with the belly.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_04: So that's also body.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's like you never know what your genetics, what your body's gonna do.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_04: And some people can control weight gain during pregnancy.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_04: And I see people online, like my Instagram feed is all flooded with prenatal pregnancy right now.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_04: And there are women who advocate for how to resist an a level of weight gain, which I think is actually ludicrous personally.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_04: I think, you know, it's like, how do you want to make this already hard harder and more uncomfortable than it already is?
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_04: I couldn't, I literally couldn't tolerate that.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_04: And I can tolerate ridiculous amounts of physical discomfort.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_04: I'm literally a boxer.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_04: And yeah, I just can't even fathom because also it's the health of your child at the end of the day.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_04: It's like if you don't give your body what it's calling for at these moments, then you're you're suffering and your child is suffering.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_04: And your whole point during pregnancy is also to remain like calm.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_04: And I mean, that's changed me too, you know.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_04: Every time you get upset, every time you get stressed, every time you're reactive or you feel angry, I'm thinking like, oh shit, I'm I'm a home right now.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_04: And so what home am I providing in that moment?
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_04: You know?
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_04: And so when I think about what it would feel like to try to restrict food, in addition to feeling incredibly physically uncomfortable all the time already with the pregnancy, I I'm not willing to like create that environment in my body, even if I have to gain 45 pounds.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: It makes me think too of like generational stressors and things that get like passed down that like I think there's so much more discourse on right now about like what you're feeding it emotionally and energetically.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_04: I remember having like a therapy session actually where I was I was freaking out because I was like, I'm freaking out, and then I'm freaking out because I'm freaking out because my body's freaking out, and then he and then he could feel that, and she she was like, Stop, stop my my therapist Lisa and blossom her heart.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_04: She was like, You're allowed to feel sad, you're allowed to feel angry, or like these are feelings.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_04: Like, this is not bad for the baby.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_04: Like, what's bad for the baby is like this crazy big being angry and all the things I was doing so many things.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_03: We had that's why we're here today.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_02: We have a um a fucked up family story.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_02: Juan, you mean millions?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_02: I tried to tell this to my therapist one time.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, listen to this wicked funny story.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_02: And then my therapist after was like, that's not okay.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like, are you okay?
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_02: We just have a dark sense of humor, but my mom was pregnant with my brother, and my mom used to be a heavy partier and drinker.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_02: That's why I'm gay.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um she was drinking so many pina coladas, and I came dancing out of the womb.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_03: Who ordered the toss salad?
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_03: So this is a terrible story.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_02: So my dad was out of town, my grandma was staying with my mom because my mom was like ready to pop.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: So, and she was like smoking a cig and she was like, fuck, I gotta go take a bath.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like she really just needed to get away from my grandma, get away from the kids.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_02: So she went, she like drew herself like a hot bath in the bathroom, and she got out her coke and she like laid a few lines, she's smoking her cigarette, and then her fucking water broke, and she was like, fuck, and like didn't know what to do.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, What am I gonna do?
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, I can't waste the coke.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: And so she went to go snort it, but because the bathroom was so steamy, it was all like congealed and chunky.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so she just was like, like licked it, ate it, and then she was like, Grandma, we gotta go.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_02: And then like went to the hospital, gave birth to my brother Brian.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm gonna be able to do it.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: And he's the most normal one in the family.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: He's straight, he's married, he has kids, he's financially stable, and he's he's emotionally calm.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_03: My son is literally kicking right now.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_03: I'm so excited by this.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_03: He's like, give me the cocaine.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_03: We've got cocaine for you.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go, dude.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Turn it up.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: You've been too calm for eight months.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: I want to party in here.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_02: I told that to my therapist, though.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: Literally, he was like, That's not okay.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's not funny.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh, and then I had a shame spiral, and I was like, no, it's definitely not funny.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_02: That's not funny at all.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_02: What a terrible thing.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_02: Honestly, it's hilarious.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's hilarious.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: Hilarious.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: Just like cigarette licking coke and water broke and be like, fuck it.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: Anyway.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: Cigarettes too.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: My grandmother, when my I think when my brother was born or something, my grandmother was like, came to the hospital and was like, can I can I come in the delivery?
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Chain smoking cigs.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: My mom, who's a nurse, was like, you may not come in.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: You may not come into the hospital smoking cigarettes.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my God.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: Chaos.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: Have you turned into like, I guess I don't really know much about like your diet and the way that you consume foods if you're very, for lack of a better phrase, were you like very maha before, like with your your dietary trick, make America healthy again?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like only essential oils, like no vaccine.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like no vaccines, 100% straight from the farm.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like raw milk.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like, are you being very, very particular about what you put in your body, or are you just like give the baby food?
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_02: I don't care what it is.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I was never I I try to eat, you know, whatever, responsibly sourced food, but I was an advocate for like, you know, do what you can, but also live your life and stay controlled.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_04: And if you whatever your goals are, I'm gonna help you get to your goals.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_04: And for me personally, the way I have always controlled like my physical figure is just by controlling quantities more and like I still go out to drink, I eat whatever food, but I'm like controlling like how much I eat or how many times I do it a week or whatever.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: You're still going out to drink right now?
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_04: No, no, no.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_04: Prior.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_04: Wanna get a martini after?
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: You bring the Coke.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: I get the tea.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_02: My mom could do Coke, so your baby can have a dirty martini.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_04: Let's go.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_04: Um, no, but so now it's weird because I'm you would think when you're pregnant, you would be craving healthy foods that your baby needs, but all I crave is mac and cheese, pizza.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_04: Like I can't.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_04: Sometimes I literally cannot stomach like healthy food.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_02: Am I pregnant as well?
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_04: I think so.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_04: That's all I want.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's mine.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_04: And I was really a healthy eater before.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I was on a regular basis eating a very high protein diet.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_04: Tracking those macros.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know it.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_04: Otherwise, I won't eat.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_04: Like if it's like the morning time, I've cooked myself eggs and sat there.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, I can't eat that.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_04: And I had to go get a croissant or muffin.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_04: Literally.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_04: Really?
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's real.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: But why is that?
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: What's the what's the you know, I think there's science behind that or or what is that?
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_04: It's like hard to say.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, in a sense, like the quickest energy is sugar, you know.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_04: So you're always kind of craving energy, which comes from carbs.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, I don't know.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_04: I can't really explain it.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_04: I think when I crave fruit, that makes a lot of sense, you know.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_04: And I do crave fruit a lot, so that's been a healthy thing.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, there's some things where I'm like, am I really just supposed to listen to my body if like all I want to eat?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, craft macaroni and shit again.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_04: And I will eat like a peanut butter jelly for dinner sometimes because it's white.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we've got it, we love it.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_01: PBH.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: We love it for in terms of like, because you and I have talked about this a little bit, like online response, the good and the bad.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: Are you getting feedback from people on like you said you've been getting like a lot of DMs, like positive stuff?
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_01: Are you also getting, are people are people Really?
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: What are they saying?
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_04: Well, TikTok is really mean to me.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_04: TikTok hates me because I have a lot of male trolls that talk about how I am setting up a son for failure because I don't, because I'm not with the father, or they assume like the father figure won't be in the life, which he will be, but on a very different scale than a lot of father figures are.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_04: But so there's a lot of like you're like a spinster who's like ruining this kid, not giving this kid a chance in life kind of thing.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_04: And it's so selfish that I would have, you know, a baby on my own.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_04: Selfish to have a baby on your own.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_04: At the beginning, I was getting so many comments about so a couple of things.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_04: Like, first of all, I remember getting a DM from a man at the very beginning of pregnancy that was like, I'm so shocked at how fast your body has changed.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_04: Like, isn't that alarming?
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_04: Weren't you like shredded like a week ago?
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_04: Isn't that alarming for you?
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_03: This is like someone I know.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_04: Like, so like it's not even just a strange, he like lives in the community that I live in.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_05: It's true.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_04: And then something I didn't realize that would be so triggering was people.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_04: Anytime I expressed, and still this happens.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_04: Anytime that I expressed discomfort in the amount of weight I've gained and how fast I've gained it, which also for my personal experience, because I was so lean, I was literally training for a fight.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_04: So I was at the leanest I've ever been because fun fact, they cut out my weight class in amateur boxing, so I had to go down.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_04: So I literally was the leanest I have been since I stopped growing.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_04: And so I was like, pregnancy wasn't, I was skipping periods, like it was like very shocking to me that I could even get pregnant at that moment.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_04: So I my first trimester was where I gained 90% of my weight.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_04: I've hardly grown since like second trimester because I just was ravenous, and then that part like tapered down.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_04: So I was also really nervous at the pace of waking.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, if this keeps going, I'm gonna gain a hundred pounds by before I'm like that was probably also just the natural like spring back of like your body being like not only growing up, like I'm just gonna get back to this.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but you said you said that people will yeah, so people would say and still say their natural reaction is don't worry, you'll bounce back.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_04: Don't worry, you'll get right back to where you are.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_04: Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_04: And that feels so bad to hear, I'm gonna be honest, because it just validates my biggest fear that is like I can't be loved and accepted at this weight.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not okay at this weight.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not, you know, I'm not a fitness person anymore.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_04: I I won't be until I get back there, you know?
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_04: And that feels so shitty because it's like, dude, I'm carrying around 45 pounds and I'm at the gym, like I'm doing the hardest shit I've ever done in my life, but I'm getting reactions of like, don't worry, you'll get back to like strong, you know?
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_04: So that part is trippy and it's frustrating.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_04: And I think it's I've gained so much sensitivity and respect and how in how I will.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I think I've always been sensitive in how I approach women who are pregnant because I just we see the process and we respect it.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_01: But now that I've been through it, like if anyone is critical of a pregnant woman's body, I will literally punch you in the face if I'm like yeah, and it'll be fucking strong and she does not hold back.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, wait, let's do let's do do's and don'ts of talking to pregnant women.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, good idea.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, okay, this is also funny.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_04: So when I see people and they uh they like don't bring up the pregnancy right away, but I haven't seen them since I haven't been pregnant.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_04: So they're like, How are you?
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, um with the child.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_01: Did you change your hair?
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, great to see you.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_03: And they're like trying not, they're trying to keep their eyes up.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, yeah.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't know if I just be like, Yes, I'm fat.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_03: Correct.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_03: So then I'll be like, I'm pregnant.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_03: And they're like, yeah, I know.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: But that's such a but I get why they're doing that because have you like because I'm bro, you ever done the like you're pre and you're just like I'm not pregnant.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: So never so never assume.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what the right thing is.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: The right thing is to never be like, when are you due?
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_01: Never assume someone's pregnant until they're like, I am pregnant.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: I am pregnant.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_04: I guess also it's a weird, it's a different situation for me because I share about pregnancy online and like a lot of people read that before they see me.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_04: So it's probably more safe to be like, hey, wow, congratulations when you see me.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_04: Like that's that's cool for me.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_04: Don't ask if you can touch my belly if you're not someone who would normally touch my belly.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_04: That's a very incredible.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it's people get really like handsy with you, and they feel comfortable commenting.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_04: Just don't do the things you wouldn't do if I wasn't pregnant.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_04: Like, my body doesn't become more public property than it did than it was prior.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_04: It just feels so funny how people don't know that line all of a sudden.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I have a neighbor who literally asked if he he put out his hands and was like, Can I touch your belly?
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, What is oh my god, you're pregnant.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_02: Can I touch your ass?
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_04: Literally, yeah, literally.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_04: It's like that.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_04: Like, can I squeeze your titties?
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_04: And I will say, like, they're so big.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_04: I don't blame people, but I will say though, like, I I was actually telling this to Alex.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_04: Like, I think other non-white people have so much better reactions to pregnancy than white people because there's a discomfort around, you know, like thinness, I feel like is so taboo in like white culture.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, you know, matcha girls, what not the stereotype, but it's like the thin is like the beauty standard.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_04: And then in other cultures, it's not so I don't know, it's just less shocking, I guess, to see a thick, curvy body, and there's the reactions don't come out the same.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_04: And I remember this day so well because I was I passed my neighbor and he did that thing.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_04: He's like, This I hope he doesn't listen to the podcast, but he's this older white gentleman, and he put out his like creepy, nasty hands and was like, Can I touch it?
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_04: And I would I said yes because in the moment you're just like, what are you doing?
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_04: You're not like and I suffered through it.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_04: Gross.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_04: And then I kept walking and I'm like, I'm so and I was wearing a tight top that where my stomach sticks out, my tits were sticking out because it's hot and I don't have anything that fits me.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_04: People are like, You're so brave to show off your stomach.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, how do I not show off my stomach?
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_04: I literally cannot afford it.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_04: Bush it is over anyway.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_04: I keep walking and I pass this black guy and he just looks at me and he goes, Congrats.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, Thank you.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_04: I almost started crying.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_04: That's the way that was so normal.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_04: He was like, Hey, and he looked like genuinely happy for me, you know.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's just a normal response.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's so normal, dude.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_02: Rather than like, can you not touch it?
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_04: Imagine him with like Dorito fingers and yeah, and then he all he's the same guy, but also other people have like said things just about commenting on my weight gain, and it's just makes me want to be invisible.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_04: Like, I don't want to be there when that's happening, you know.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_04: I just want to hide because I don't want to answer those questions.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_04: I don't want to be like subject to judgment, like all these things.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_04: So, as far as back to your question, like do's and don'ts, like be vocal about congratulating, saying you look great, you look glowing, like that stuff is so helpful.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_04: I don't want to feel like people are aren't acknowledging the elephant true.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_02: For sure.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like the baby elephant, the cutest baby elephant you ever saw on the road.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_01: Dressed to the nines.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_01: The glowing baby elephant.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_02: You are glowing though.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe this is here, this is a lesson.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe this is one of the do's or don'ts.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_02: But it was like I said in text message the other day, I was like, you when I saw you at the park, I was like, oh my God, you look so beautiful.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: But you also look beautiful in every version that I've seen you.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_02: So I love that compliment.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, good.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_02: I hope I did.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_02: Because it wasn't like, it wasn't like, whoa, Sid, I was like, oh my God, you look so beautiful.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like you look healthy and glowing and happy and like effervescent is my word of the year.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, I think it's it's a really beautiful thing to have and to take with you and to experience in the world.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_02: And like in a weird way, I did see that movie Junior with Arnold Schwarzenegger as a kid.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_02: And the way that I felt jealousy of not being able to have a baby when I was a kid.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, Oh, I forgot about that movie.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_02: That's why you're gay.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: That's why I'm gay.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's because of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Junior.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks, Arnold.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_04: Wait, there's also an Amy Schuer movie where she straps on a fake belly.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_04: I uh what's it called?
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know what it's called, but dude, it's good.
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_04: I watched it.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_04: It was so funny because she got she's already, so she's overweight, so she's grappling with like, oh, if I were just she, I think she had a run-in with a pregnant woman who had positive responses to her body being big.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_04: And Amy was like, oh, she like puts on a pregnant anyway.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_04: It's really fascinating.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_04: I think it was pretty.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it was, I don't know, one of them.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_01: She just had a couple funny.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_01: Are there any parting thoughts you have, words of advice, things that you wish more people knew or pregnant women knew about pregnancy or about how to about what this journey is like?
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I guess something we talked less about was just like what is it like doing this without a uh, you know, a partner.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_04: So like a a mate, whatever you want to call that other person.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_04: And something that I noticed that I felt so insecure about through this pregnancy that I still I'm actually like the actual labor is bringing that up again for me a lot because I'm doing the labor without a partner.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_04: So literally all images of labor is with a partner, you know, even like the little cartoons that they draw.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_04: There's always like a partner like holding her hips or whatever like classes, they're all with your partner.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_04: And from like the gender reveal, all the images I get in the outside world are like, you know, the couple doing the gender reveal.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_04: And I genuinely have seen firsthand how much like more peace I have at certain points than people who have to navigate this with the part.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_04: So I don't for a second think, oh, life would be like so much easier if I just had a husband.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I think that comes with a whole set of complications that I'm not envious of at this moment.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_04: If there was someone else in my bed, I would probably stab them while they were sleeping.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_04: So it's best for everyone.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_04: But I think I would just say that for women who have done this before me, which there are a lot without a partner, I don't see as many like narratives out in the open, you know, and I don't see as many like images of that.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_04: And I just think it's important because it makes you feel really alone.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_04: And of course you're not alone when you're doing it, you know.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_04: But it's like without a partner.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_04: It's like you should write a children's book.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, exactly.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_02: You get to be that image note like now though.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's it.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_02: In the age of social media, you get to put your story out there and you get to be, if you choose to do so, like the visibility that I'm sure so many other mothers and who are s or single parents are feeling right now of like I feel alone in this and I feel like society is judging me in a way, but you get to be the voice of that and like maybe let them feel seen and heard, which is really beautiful.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_03: Totally.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, sick.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_04: So you guys are gonna meet Auntie and Uncle Drew at our next podcast.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, we gotta have we'll have our fourth round with you with baby.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'll put baby on the table.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_02: Before we wrap up, I very, really quickly I want to tell the story about Marcello, only because I think it's incredible and we have to do it.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it would make her really get social media bit.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_02: Do it.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, Sid, you're my favorite wingman because we are all on Fire Island.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_02: And we showed up, I looked up my Instagram, and I was like, fuck my ex-boyfriend's here.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_02: I was having a panic attack and I was like, I don't want to go.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna see, I'm gonna run in.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_04: You had the best fucking advice, which was So I said, rename me on your phone to this hot man named Marcelo.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_04: We Googled a page.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, you picked the name Marcelo.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you named it and you designed it.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_02: Brazilian guy, and I Googled hot Brazilian guy and I found the hottest man in the world.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: He's so hot, Marcella.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_02: He's so hot.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_04: So we screenshotted Marcel and we put him as my contact.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_02: As and yeah, your contact, and his name is Marcelo Grinder.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_04: Marcelo Grinder, yes.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_04: And I was like, when the interaction happens, I studied your ex's face, I knew who he was when he came up.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, I'm just gonna walk away and blow your fucking phone up.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_04: Honestly, like I came up with that really good on the spot and drunk and it worked like a charm.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_02: She worked like a charm because then it's like pull out the phone.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember seeing like this.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_04: I remember from the bar.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_04: I was on the other side of the bar, but I'm just like repeat calling you.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_03: I remember seeing that man pop up on your phone and just being like being like, sorry, I gotta take a call.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_03: Hello.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_03: This is so good.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_02: It's savage, but it's so good.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_04: It's so good.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, and so my name on his phone is still Marcelo.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_02: You're still Marcelo Grinder.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_04: I'm that's my favorite.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, Marcelo.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_02: This is the great episode.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_02: So good.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_04: Marcelo's having a baby.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_04: Marcelo's having a baby.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_04: You should name the great Marcelo.
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_01: Marcelo Grinder.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_03: Marcelito.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_05: Marcelo Grindel Miller.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe that's a little name.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_05: Marcelo.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_05: I love it.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_05: I love that.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_05: Oh my gosh.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, so you're the greatest.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_05: You're the best.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you guys for having me.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for being here.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_04: Love being around you both.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_04: Love having you around us.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_02: Where can everyone find you on the interrubs if they want to follow your journey and your story?
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_04: So my Instagram is yeah, Sbox Sid Rose.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_04: My my website is SboxTraining.com.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm now offering not only, and I have a training app you can also access.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm not only offering just training for ripped people, I'm also offering um training for prenatal, postnatal, nutrition coaching.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_04: Nutrition coaching.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_01: She sends workouts to like if you're not based in New York and can't train directly.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_01: Train with me remotely.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_01: So do it because I don't know.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_01: Have you seen these?
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_01: She's a star.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_01: She's barely am.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_04: Body by S bot.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_04: Body by S bot.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my God, Sid, we love you so much.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_02: So we died.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for coming back.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't wait to meet the baby.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'll be your birthing partner.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_03: I was thinking you're on my list of people.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_03: Honestly.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_03: As you were saying that, I was like, I need you.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_01: You might be in my house, but when the contractions start.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_01: 1,000%.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_01: Just stay away from the cocaine.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_03: I got a voice note ready to send, but here we go.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_03: Let's do it.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_03: It's on.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_03: It's on.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_03: Let's get all done.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_03: Let's go.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_01: We love you guys.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_01: We like volunteers and cry.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.