Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 202. Tijana friendship breakdown with a whole group of girls - What really happened😮‍💨

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202. Tijana friendship breakdown with a whole group of girls - What really happened😮‍💨 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apogee Production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.
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  Speaker 3: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
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  Speaker 3: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Happy Monday. Welcome back to She Rises with
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Ashley and Tiana. We have a very big episode today,
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: a very vulnerable one one that you, Tiana has been
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: kind of tossing up whether to talk about or not.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: But we have reasons for why you decided to talk
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: about it. So before we get into any of it,
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: what is your share.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Of the week.
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  Speaker 3: My share of the week is actually just cards against Humanities.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I need to play this name. You're random, But it's
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: so funny.
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: Over the Christmas break, I really got into playing like,
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  Speaker 3: you know, flip and things like that with you and
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  Speaker 3: my sister and like my brother, and it would honestly
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  Speaker 3: just like brought so much presence to the group and
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: I just had so much fun fun. I feel like
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  Speaker 3: it's so nice to get like out of your head
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  Speaker 3: and out of the seriousness of life and just play
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: like a kid. Again highly recommends very silly. If you
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: have crude humor like me, you will love it.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, my Share of the Week is something that I
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  Speaker 2: originally got our graphic designer to do for just me
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  Speaker 2: and you. Was like a printable calendar with like a
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  Speaker 2: goal that you can focus on, and then I just
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  Speaker 2: I like to do lists where I can tick things
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  Speaker 2: off or cross things off. We do it every single
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: week at work. And then I like having a calendar
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  Speaker 2: print it out like every day where I see where
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: I can cross something off. So I remember I did
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: this about two years ago. I did like a full
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: month of no sugar, as what does it prove to
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: myself that I go through a whole month each month?
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  Speaker 2: This year, I want to have a new habit that
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  Speaker 2: I want to either create or a habit I want
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  Speaker 2: to break, and every day just cross it off. So
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  Speaker 2: I got our graphic designer to do this beautiful twelve
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  Speaker 2: month calendar so the girls can print out and we
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  Speaker 2: put it in Rise and Side for all the girls
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  Speaker 2: to have for free. But if you're not a part
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: of Rise and Side, we decide to put on our website.
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  Speaker 2: Like yeah, box, you just literally download it. It's all
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  Speaker 2: beautifully dumb for you, print it out, stick it on
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  Speaker 2: your wall, get it laminated whatever.
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  Speaker 1: So good.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just on cheer Rises dot com. Anyone could
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: purchase it, and it's just it's really helpful to have
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: that accountability and the satisfaction to tick it off each
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  Speaker 2: day and see your progress.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, we love motivating, We love to track things, track age.
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  Speaker 1: It really does keep you accountable.
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  Speaker 3: Like it is a game changer, because like day to
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  Speaker 3: day you kind of just forget. Yeah, it's not in
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: the forefront of your mind, whereas like if you've got
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  Speaker 3: the calendar up, it could be on the back of
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  Speaker 3: your bedroom door, back of your bathroom door, kitchen fridge,
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  Speaker 3: wherever you want, and just like be a constant reminder
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  Speaker 3: of like the person you want.
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  Speaker 2: To be, because you don't want to see days you've missed. No,
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  Speaker 2: I want to see the consistent g yesses.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's so in your face you have to
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: look at it, so it's like, oh my gosh, now,
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  Speaker 3: of course I want to be consistent with this exactly.
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  Speaker 2: And if you get to in a month and you
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  Speaker 2: haven't ticked money off. It's like, Wow, I really need
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: to work on that.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: And also organized Girl is win the day. Yes they do.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, let's get into today's episode. This is gonna be
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: really tough for you. I think you've really hesitated on
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: talking about this for many reasons. It's just hard to
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  Speaker 2: be vulnerable. And I know being one of your best friends,
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Tianna is someone that I didn't know how obviously when
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  Speaker 2: you were younger, but nowadays you are someone that has
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  Speaker 2: the most self awareness that I've.
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  Speaker 1: Ever ever seen in a human.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: You take full responsibility, sometimes almost too much, where whatever
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: dynamic there is, if there's an into a relationship, there's
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  Speaker 2: your parents, there's coworkers, there's friendships. There's two people in
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: a dynamic, and when something breaks down, there's two experiences
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  Speaker 2: and there's two truths, you know. So this is a
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  Speaker 2: story about your friendship breakdown with your old best friend
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  Speaker 2: and another whole group of women, and the betrayal and
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  Speaker 2: the heartbreak and all of the lessons. And you're going
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  Speaker 2: to tell that story today because there's been a lot
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: from that situation that's shaped you to be who you
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  Speaker 2: are today. And I think there's a lot of beauty
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  Speaker 2: in that as well as well as a lot of heartbreak. Absolutely,
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  Speaker 2: So take us back to the beginning, where did the
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: start and what happened.
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  Speaker 3: So there was a friend of mine that I had met,
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: actually she was officially first my life coach. So I
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: met this woman when I was in the darkest probably
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: the hardest point in my life, where the tape had
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: just happened, and there were the other things in my
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: life where I was just basically at rock bottom in
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: my life, and I went saw a psychologist a couple
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  Speaker 3: of times, and I just thought like, Okay, this isn't
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  Speaker 3: the fit for me. This definitely is not the fit
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  Speaker 3: for me. I need someone else. I need somebody else
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  Speaker 3: who's going to look at things a different way. Anyway,
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  Speaker 3: I jumped on a discovery call with this woman who
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: is actually my ex best friend, and I went through
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: the journey of like working with her from our first session.
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  Speaker 3: I literally stayed with her for like three years.
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  Speaker 2: Wow.
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  Speaker 3: But what actually happened and how we formed our friendship
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  Speaker 3: was we worked together for about a year and then
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  Speaker 3: I had a bit of a break and throughout that break,
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  Speaker 3: we you know, she posted something actually once and it
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: was like does anybody want to come to this dance
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: class with me? And I ended up going to this
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  Speaker 3: dance class with her, and that's how we started our friendship.
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  Speaker 3: But from the moment that we met, it was like
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  Speaker 3: one of those bonds that just like you, just like you,
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: just like you just together. You know, it's like safe,
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: it's beautiful, it's kind, it's loving, it's all of the things.
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  Speaker 3: And it was just like one of those like really
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: refreshing friendships. And from that moment we just built this
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  Speaker 3: really beautiful bond. And over the next two years we
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: really established I don't know, she was just like my
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: ride or die, Like she was my ride or die friend.
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  Speaker 3: And you know, I remember thinking, you know, she really
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: introduced me to a lot of the deeper work that
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: I've done and really helped me heal I believe my
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: relationship with the feminine, you know, with the mother wound,
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  Speaker 3: sisterhood wounds and all of that, because prior to her,
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: I didn't really trust women. I didn't really feel safe
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  Speaker 3: around them. I thought women were, you know, all out
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  Speaker 3: for themselves and you know, all of the things. And
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: it really changed within that dynamic. And so as we
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: started to get closer and closer. We started to set
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  Speaker 3: goals together and started to like create a vision of
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  Speaker 3: a future of like what our friendship was going to be,
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  Speaker 3: like you know, stay together forever and all the things,
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: and you know, as our friendship developed, she actually developed
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: as a coach from a life coach into a business coach,
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  Speaker 3: and so her business was really really growing, and so
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: was like her audience and also all of her clients
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  Speaker 3: and all of the things. And so she actually met
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  Speaker 3: another girlfriend of mine, a previous girlfriend of mine, and
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: she worked with her and then they became really good
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  Speaker 3: friends and through them, I became really good friends with
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  Speaker 3: her too. So it went from like a two person
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  Speaker 3: dynamic to a three person dynamic. And what actually happened
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  Speaker 3: was once we made this transition from our hometown into Cronulla,
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  Speaker 3: which was where this trio kind of happened.
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  Speaker 1: Like our relationships started to change.
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  Speaker 3: And it was really interesting because like she was growing
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  Speaker 3: in business and they had like a lot of things
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  Speaker 3: in common because she was also her business coach, and
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  Speaker 3: like I almost had this fear I was going to
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: get pushed out almost and it was really interesting because yeah,
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  Speaker 3: they just they had a lot in common. This other
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  Speaker 3: woman was obviously working with her, and she was making
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  Speaker 3: a lot of progress in her business, growing a lot,
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  Speaker 3: And what actually tend to happen was I was kind
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  Speaker 3: of like at a standstill in my business at the time,
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: so like I was bouncing between a certain range of
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: income and all that sort of stuff. And we would
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  Speaker 3: always make time to go on all these trips. We would,
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  Speaker 3: you know, every three months, we'd go on a little
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  Speaker 3: stay k and all the girls would get together, and
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  Speaker 3: you know, she would come visit from a different state
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  Speaker 3: see us, and we would go see her on all
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  Speaker 3: of these beautiful things. But as they both started to grow,
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  Speaker 3: I kept finding that I was feeling like left behind
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  Speaker 3: and like I'm an anxious attachment. So for me, it
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  Speaker 3: was like bringing up these wounds that I had never
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  Speaker 3: experienced in my life because I was doing shadow work
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  Speaker 3: and doing ego work and facing myself in ways I'd
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  Speaker 3: never seen before, and I almost didn't have the nervous
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  Speaker 3: system regulation to be able to hold all of that.
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  Speaker 3: And so what I found started to happen was I
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: had to start saying no to things. I had to
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  Speaker 3: start saying with the storecase, the stay case, I had
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  Speaker 3: to start saying no because financially, I couldn't spend as
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: much as what they could, or I couldn't go to
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  Speaker 3: the more luxury things because I really needed to have
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: self discipline in that time of my life, because I
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: needed to reinvest back into my business. And so it
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: started to be that instead of the three of us,
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: it would go the two of them, and then they
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: would go on holidays and they would go in a state.
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  Speaker 3: And then they started to work together too, so I
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: felt like even more pushed out because they were spending
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: time together, working together, working on projects together, and just
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: all of these things happening. And I remember even feeling
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: like when my best friend had chosen this other girl
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: to work with over me, I actually remember having an
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: emotional response come up and being like, I thought that
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: was something we would end up doing together, you know. Anyway,
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: So basically there ended up being like a whole community
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: of women who worked underneath this woman, and like a
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: whole community of coaches in the coaching industry who were
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: all doing their own things in their own niches. But
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: it really opened me up to like this new dynamic
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: of women who were all building really big things and
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: doing really cool things. Anyway, Low and Hold like time
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: kind of went on, and as I noticed that they
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: were kind of like outgrowing me, I would get really
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: anxious and I felt like anything that they did was
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: almost like a personal attack to like push me out.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: And you know, they would go away together and work
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: and all of these things, and I just like I
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: remember sitting on the lounge in our Cranala house when
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: we lived together, just like feeling so anxious that I
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: was literally having a panic attack because they were away
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: on a holiday and I was so scared of losing
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: her that I thought this other woman would be the
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: reason why I'd lose her. Yeah, you know, it was
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: like the story I created in my head of what
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: was going to happen.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: Had you voiced any of this to her at the time.
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: I mean, to be honest, I voiced a lot of
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: stuff to her. She was always a safe soundboard for me.
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: Was in the very beginning. There was never not one
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: thing that I couldn't bring to her, and she could
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: hold you in it, she could hold me in it.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: She hold me in a lot of stuff, and to
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: be fair, she probably held me in a lot of
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: things that she shouldn't have helped me in, Like things
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: that I could have worked on on my own, but
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: she was my best friend. She was also my life coach.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: She was also my business coach. We were also living together,
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: she was also we were training together. There was not
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: one area of our life where we weren't intertwined. We
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: were so plugged in anyway. As she started to grow,
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: this friendship was triggering me. I was so scared of
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: being left behind and you know, just not being a
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: part of the group anymore. She also started to grow
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: in business too, like significantly. I mean like she was
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: doing five hundred thousand dollar months in the house that
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: we moved into and originally started on probably like sixty
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: k months when we moved in, and so she had
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: significant amount of growth in that time. And I think
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: I was too young at the time to be able
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: to take accountability for my own stuff and the way
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: that I would have liked to.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: So I was really.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: Triggered by her growth and I couldn't hold her in it,
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: And it was really it was really sad actually because
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: we had such a beautiful friendship. But I felt like
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: her gross meant something about me, you know, I always
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: compared myself to her, and like the money that she
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: was making all the growth that she was having or
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: how easy it was perceived that she was making money
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: and getting clients and stuff like that, And I was like,
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: why aren't I good enough? Why can't I grow like this?
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: Like I'm doing all the things, like it's not working.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: And da da dah.
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: And obviously there were things that I wasn't doing that
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: I thought I was, but it just like it put
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: a wedge between us, and I think because of somebody
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: who had been doing like shadow work for a significantly
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: longer time than me. She could see when I was
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: projecting onto her, you know, and she could feel the
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: energy behind things. And at the time I was so
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: much of a people pleaser that I didn't realize what
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: I was doing a paun response like overly like people
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: pleasing and overly being celebratory and all the things, but
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: deep down having my own experience or feeling resentful, yeah,
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: feeling resentful, but like because I would be overly celebratory
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: and stuff, but then deep down I'd be having a response.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: She'd be like, are you okay? Like something to come
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: up for you? Then, like, you know, she'd be overly
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: checking and stuff, and I did. I eventually became like
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: resentful towards her because of my own lack of growth
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: and how her life represented what it was that I
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: wanted for myself but I couldn't get there or I
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: felt like I didn't know how, And so that started
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: to like come out in our friendship. And I didn't
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: realize this at the time, but I was becoming like
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: passive aggressive and like having little stabs and little digs
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: and things like that. Obviously things that I'm not proud
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: of doing and would have never wanted to do to
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: somebody that I loved and cared for more than literally
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: anyone in the world. But at the time I was
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: more in this energy of like I would do it,
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: not realize it, and because I couldn't realize it, I
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: would apologize for it, but I wouldn't fix the behavior,
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Yes, And so that's my
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: kind of role to play in that. So at this time,
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: we were still living together, right, but we were getting
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: further and further apart. And that's kind of when everything
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: started to change between us and our friendship dynamic, because
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: we went from this really safe, grounded close relationship that
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: felt like nothing I'd ever experienced in the world to
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: this complete opposite thing where I felt her pulling away
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: and I felt like she didn't confide in me anymore,
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: and we weren't sharing things with each other, and we
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: kind of just felt a little bit like passing ships
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: in the house.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: She still close with the other girl, though she was
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: still close with the other and going to the other
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: girl to confide.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Yes, she obviously ad to see that friendship getting stronger.
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: In yours weekend, I could see her leaning on this
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: girl more often, flying to interstate to go see her,
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: me feeling like being left home kind of thing. Yeah,
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: there just came a point where the one thing that
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: I do remember is like us having a fight about
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: something she'd accused me of doing in the house of
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: like borrowing her clothes without asking, or taking her clothes
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: or something like that.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: And to my understanding, like we.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: Both reciprocal would just borrow each other's stuff, like she
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: would take my stuff from the washing pile and I would,
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: you know whatever. Anyway, so she accused me of stealing
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: something and I was like I didn't, Yeah, taken back
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: because I just felt like really blindsided by it and
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: the way that she was treating me with it, because
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: she was obviously super triggered and very upset with me
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: and choosing being a thief, which basically and like fool
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: getting up me, And I'm like, I actually, like I
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: don't take your stuff, Like I've borrowed a couple of things,
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: but I always ask and I make a point to ask,
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: and all this stuff and you know, I borrowed a
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: top out of the wash and like, you know, things
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: like that.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: So in my head it didn't feel like a big.
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: Thing, but obviously for her there was an accumulation of
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: things that had led to that moment.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: You know that was kind of like the breaking point,
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: I think, so.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And then then we had like a whole few
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: hour conversation that day around her being like I need
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: you to leave the house, Like I need you to leave. Yeah,
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: She's like, I can't live with you anymore. I don't
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: want to be friends with you anymore. I don't feel
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: safe anymore, like she just you know, She's like, I
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: don't feel like you're happy for me. I don't feel
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: like you want me to succeed. I don't feel like
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: you want any of the things for me, and I
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: just like we had a big conversation around how one
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: hundred percent. Yeah, about how like I want all of
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: those things for her, and also how living with her
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: whilst she had this significant amount of growth, and also
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: while I felt pushed out from the relationship trio, how
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: anxious it made me, how I couldn't feel secure and
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: stable in myself because of how insecure I felt, and
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: just how all of my triggers that were coming up
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: for me were so activating for me that I couldn't
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: be my true self and so even when I wanted
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: to be, I couldn't show up in the way that
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: I wanted. I couldn't be a safe person. I couldn't be,
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: you know, a grounded person that she could come to
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: to share things with or feel like she could share
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: things with because I'd be having my own experience behind it.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: So did you move out that day?
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: No?
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: I didn't move out that day. I stayed for antother
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: two weeks after that.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: You had to find a new place.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: I had to find a new place, and basically I
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: just we ended up having this conversation and I said,
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: look like I wish that I had taken space from
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: this friendship before, but I didn't know how because I
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: didn't want to. Yeah, I think sure, I was feeling
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: so triggered babe that, like I literally every little thing
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: that she would do will trigger me for some reason.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: And it was obviously all my own stuff, but it
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: was like she was kind of copying that, you know,
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: she was like the projection that she was copying the projections. Yeah,
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: And that was something that was really hard to sit
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: with because I loved her so much and I never
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: wanted to cause her any discomfort or anything like that.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: But as a result of that, I said to her, like,
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: I wish I had left sooner.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: And she said that to me.
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: She goes, twan, I wish you had just taken space
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: when you needed it, Like all we could have preserved
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: our friendship if you had just said to me, like
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: this is really taking over. I need some space to
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: deal with what's coming up for me, and I'll come
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: back when I'm ready. Yeah, And then she said to me, like,
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: you need to go to the other person, which is
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: the other girlfriend, and you need to tell her that
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: you're going to walk away.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: From the friendship. She told you to do.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: She told me to do that. She's like, you need
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: to tell her that you need to take space from
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: her because obviously you don't want the best for her,
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: and like you obviously didn't want the best for me,
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: which is why you're behaving this way and all the things.
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: And I said, no, it's not the case, Like I
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: do want the best for both of you, but I
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: also don't want to feel left out, and I also
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: feel loved. But I also said to him, like, I
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: feel like she's taking away my best friend.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: You know, she said that.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: I mean, she like she was very like compassionate. She's
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: a very compassionate, understanding person. But I think at that
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: point she had kind of lost the compassion for me
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: and was kind of just like gone too far gone.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: So you left the house, You went to the other girlfriend.
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: I went I called the other girlfriend immediately after that conversation.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: And before you went there to talk to her, did
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: you think she's gonna want to be still with your
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: friend or do you think she was like where was
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: your headspace at?
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: I mean, I thought that she would appreciate me taking accountability, yeap,
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: because that's very much the head space I was in.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: I was like, Okay, I take accountability for everything, then
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: they'll appreciate me more.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: I'll be a safe person.
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: Okay, and then I had the conversation with her and
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: just said, like I think I'm going to take some
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: space from this friendship, like I feel like I need to.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: This is what happened, this is what happened with me
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: in this person, and kind of gave her a bit
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: of a rundown, and she said, totally appreciate you having
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: this conversation with me, but I don't want to continue
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: a friendship with you.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: It was just like obviously, she's like, this person has
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: confided in me, and based on the way that you
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: are and that you're behaving, I just don't want to.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Have a friendship with you. Yeah, straight up, straight up.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I have heard the story before as well, but yeah,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: I'm just hearing it again. I'm just like, fuck yeah,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: imagine how hard that would be.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: And then so I tried to get out of the
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: house as soon as I could because I didn't feel
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: welcome anymore. And then it was literally just like we
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: wouldn't say really anything to each other as we would.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: Pass like passing ship, passing ship.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, it was a little bit of discomfort, a
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: little bit of like little bits and bobs. But then
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: she started to like go away so whilst I was
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: there for the last little period of time, she would
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: do stay case up in Sydney and stuff.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: And leave the house and whatever.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: And then after that was a really hard time because
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: I moved out on my own and obviously I stopp
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: being friends with them. But what happened after that was
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: like a onslaught of just like women kind of like
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: abandoning me, which was like the whole friendship group that
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: I thought that I had of these women, who was
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: like a band of community kind of followed suit of
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: these two women and took her sar and took their
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: side and kind of all just like cut me out.
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: So it was kind of like one by one as well.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: It was like, you know, one day I was talking
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: with this girl and then she all of a sudden
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: messaged me and was like, Tiana, I just like want
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: to let you know I don't have the capacity for
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: any more friendships in my life right now. And then
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: I would talk to the other girl and then all
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: of a sudden she would ghost me and then not
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: talk to me. And then then another one be like,
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: look like, you know, I work with this person, and
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: obviously I'm going to go over here, kind of thing,
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: and so it was like this, one by one, they
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: all started to just like drop like flies. And it
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: was so scary because like, obviously this person that I
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: was friends with, like she had her own experience and
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: all of this, Like to have somebody who was triggered
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: by your growth is a hard thing to experience, and
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: I've been on the receiving end of that too, so
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: it's hard to face. And I don't blame her for
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: the way that the friendship ended or anything, but the
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: way that everything unfolded after that felt like a lot
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: of grief. Like I remember feeling so moving out on
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: my own, being surrounded by all these women, and then
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: all of a sudden having no one, like I lived
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: in Cronulla by myself, stayed there for another eight months
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: on top of that in my own apartment, and just
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: not having anybody, not having anybody to talk to, rely
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: on or anything like that.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: I just felt so alone.
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: And I also remember feeling really betrayed in that time too,
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: because I felt from what I had heard. I started
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: to hear things of what these two women were saying
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: about me to the other women and how they was
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: like curating this narrative of like who I am and
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: what I was doing, and like lies that were shared
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: about me, And that was a really disheartening thing because
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: whilst I know what she experienced from me wouldn't have
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: felt nice to receive. I'm also not a bad person, yes,
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: and I was having a human moment and all I
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: needed was space. And I think what really upset me
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: was like I was such a good friend to her
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: in terms of like how I shut up for her,
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: and I really did celebrate her in every winter. I
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: was there for every milestone, every moment. I treated her
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: children like they were my own. I lived with them,
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: like I literally was like a second mom to those kids.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: And it felt heartbreaking because I didn't just lose her.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: I lost her her two children, like even her co parent,
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: even you know, her mom, like all of like the
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: family dynamic and unit that I had around her. It
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: was like I lost all those people at once time,
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: oh so hard, and it just like it was a
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: really heartbreaking thing because I also knew that it was
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: a result of obviously there's two to tanger and everything.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Always.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I really blamed myself for every little thing, whereas
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: now I can see that it obviously takes two to
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: tanger and there's you know, everyone plays a role. So
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: I'm definitely more conscious of that now, But at the time,
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: I really shamed myself for it, and I made myself
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: the bad guy, and I was like, you're a fucking obviously,
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: if all these women hate you, like, there's a reason
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: for it, you know.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: And I think part of the reason why I didn't.
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: Want to share it is because I felt like I
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: held a lot of shame around the way that I
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: behaved in that time. And obviously people made up their
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: own narratives and stuff based on the lies that were
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: being shared about me, But I just felt like it
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: was so close to home that I never wanted to
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: like talk about it or to like give it fuel
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: or anything.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: What were the lies being spread aback?
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: Well, I got told that this woman who was my
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: old best friend was talking about me at her business
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: retreats to the other women and to other coaches, who
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: obviously were all talking about it at the time. They
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: were talking about how I was stealing from her and
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: that I would take money from her that I would
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: ask for for the cleaner, which is not true because
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: we would always both be there. That I would pocket
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: cash from her that was supposed to go to the cleaner,
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: which is like, so far fetch because we were both
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: just transferred to the cleaner, which is funny.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: Then there was this other thing that like I tried
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: to steal the man that she was with, which I
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: didn't know that she was dating somebody at the time
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: that I was about to move out.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I did have an inkling.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: She ended up getting a present and she put on
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: her story and it was like a coat or something thing,
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: and she was like receiving No. I thought that was
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: really strange. I was like, oh, that's odd, like receiving
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: it normally. She just like I bought this for myself. Yeah,
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: I did think that. But other than that, like I
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: didn't even know that she was seeing anybody, and apparently
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: I tried to take a man. Oh and I was
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: just like so like hurt by it too, because like,
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: oh yeah. And then obviously there were things that like
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: I had been through in my past, things that I
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: had shared with her own confidence that I had done,
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: or you know, old ways that I used to be.
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: And then she would say to the girls, like, you
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: don't trust Tianna because she did this and this in
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: her past, and like this is who she is and
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: stuff like that.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Make those women scared to every get closer.
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, make it like she's used worthy and then I
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: betrayed her, and then I will betray them, and that
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: I've done it in the past, so I'll do it again,
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: which is like ironic, right, because I would never share
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: her fucking secrets.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: Like that, or not to retreat of women.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: But even things that she's done in the past that
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: she's not proud of that she's overcome now, Yeah, do
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like I never want to
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: use that against somebody, And like I felt just betrayed
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: and the fact that she had done that to me
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: and like said those things, you know. And I think
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: what also really hurt was like we were still living
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: together and she created this offer for her business coaching
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: and it was like about her life and like her
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: diary and stuff, and she put in there like everyone
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: in her life except for me, and so obviously this
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: was really fresh. Nobody had known that we were having
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: a fight or whatever, and then put in there throughout
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: that I heard from other women and other coaches that
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: she was being Like I got really betrayed by somebody
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: that I love and this and that blah blah. Ever,
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: everyone just assumed it was me and like started pointing fingers,
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: and I'm like over here, like, how did I betray you? Like?
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: What have I done other than have my own experience
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: and like obviously not treat you that well in terms
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: of like the passive aggressiveness and stuff I fully own, yeah.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: But.
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: In terms of betrayal and like, I never did anything
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: to betray her because I loved her so much. You know,
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: I may not have been safe for her at the time,
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: which I totally get. In terms of betrayal, I never
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: cross that line, never did anything like that. I loved
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: her family like it was my own, you know, things
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: like that.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: It must be so freaking heartbreaking. Yeah, it was really hard.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Actually it was really hard. It still is.
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: I still get sad about it now, just because of
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: how important she was in my life. And I don't
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: know how else to say it other than I just
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: like loved her so much.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: Such a big chat for your life, too huge? How
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: old were you like nineteen or something like now?
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: No, No, I was like twenty twenty three, twenty two,
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: twenty three maybe.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, still figuring out who you are?
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: And yeah, still bad, but also like I know, she
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: only wanted the best for me, so she only ever
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: like held me to a really high standard. But at
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: the time, I just don't think I was ready to
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: meet her at that level.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: You know, It's like what she was expecting of me.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: I was trying to jump and reach, but I felt
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: like I just like I couldn't get there ready because
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: I was having my own experience. So during that eight
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: months that I stayed in Cronulla, I ended up hiring
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: one of the coaches that she was working with.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Just to paint the picture.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: So you were going through it, and that's what you
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: want to do, is high help to help support that
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: journey because you felt so lonely.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: I honestly thought that, like I wasn't going to survive
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: if I didn't do that, because I.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: Was so heart broken too.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: It was honestly like I don't know how to explain
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: the heartbreak and the grief that I felt from like
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: losing her, But I felt like my whole world was
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: like ripped underneath me because she was almost like my
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: safe person. Yeah, I didn't feel like I had any
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna actually cry m I didn't feel like I
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: had like any other safe people in my life at
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: the time, obviously other than my family, but like I
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: distanced myself from my family at the time, so she
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: was my person, and like I just always imagined like
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: my life like being with her and us like tackling
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: life together and stuff. And it was like so disheartening
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: that like I'd heard that she'd said all these things
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: about me, because like I was never that way to her,
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: you know, just like would never betray her in the
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: way that she painted me in and the image and
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: the light that she painted me in. And that was
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: hard to sit with. And also it was really hard
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: to sit with the fact that, like I was the
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: sole person being blamed for the relationship breakdown and that
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: everything was my fault. And I really believed that for
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: a really long time. And then I worked with this
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: coach who was working underneath her. She was the only
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: person who didn't pick sides, right, so you went to
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: her knowing that she hadn't picked aside.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I had a relationship.
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: She She literally said to me, she was like Tiana,
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: like I'm not a sheep. I'm not going to do
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: what everybody else is doing. I can see that, Like
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: you're not the only one in this and it takes
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: two to tango kind of thing.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: She's like, I just want you to know.
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: I'm so neutral about this, that's not And then I
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: just said, like I literally paid her, like I don't
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: even know how much, Like yeah, I just I needed her.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: And I stayed with her for a while, and I
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: just every day came in broke down, cried, grieved, got angry,
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: got upset, everything that I needed to feel from that dynamic.
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: And she would constantly be a Tiana, you need to
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: stop taking responsibility. You need to stop overly taking responsibility.
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: And it was her constantly reminding me that, like I'm
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: not always that fault for everything that happened, or your fault,
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: And as I would give her more context, she would,
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: you know, give me a different perspective and offer more
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: of a perspective and how the other person actually had
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: a part to play and just allowed me to like
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: learn how to like really of myself through feeling like
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: everyone around me had abandoned me.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Which was my biggest fear.
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: The biggest fear that I had in that relationship dynamic
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: when the third person came in was that this person's
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: going to abandon me because everyone always does, and it
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: reaffirmed that deep fear that I had because I didn't
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: feel strong enough to overcome the fear, and then everyone
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: abandoned me all at once. But it was also like
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: such a pivotal moment for me, because if that hadn't happened,
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: I don't think I would have grown up in the
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: way that I did after.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: Like, you're grateful for it now, but it's still okay
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: to acknowledge that was.
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: Like it was equally the best thing that has ever
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: happened to me and equally one of the fucking most
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: uncomfortable sad hart I've ever been through.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: It's always the way, isn't it. Like the hardest times,
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: that's what grows to the most. You don't want to
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: go through it again.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: You don't wish upon your worst enemy, But I'm grateful
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: for the lessons you got out of it.
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: I never want anyone to feel isolated, because that shit
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: feels like high school fucking behavior worse, and like as
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: grown adults, it feels so much worse.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter what age you watch.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: Fucking sucks if you're in school, if you're in your
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: mid twenties, thirty forties, fifty sixties.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter what age you were at.
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: That feeling of being isolated by multiple women in one
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: go is the scariest fucking thing you've ever felt in
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: your life. But I think, like what really helped me
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: in that time was just like remembering who I am
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: and remembering that, like the things that were coming up
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: for me was my work to do.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: And this is why I think.
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: That like now as a coach, I really can stay
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: neutral when any of my clients bring anything to me
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: because it doesn't matter what the fuck you've done, It
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: doesn't matter who you are, how you've previously shown up.
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: You were not inherently wrong for the way that you've
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: shown up. It's just it was your lesson to learn. Yes,
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: that was my lesson. My lesson to learn was that
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: I can be passive aggressive if I don't communicate. And
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: that's what was happening in the relationship, is that I
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: wasn't communicating what I needed, what I really wanted, what
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: I really thought, my opinions when something bothered me, I
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: never voiced any of that. Yeah, And because I didn't
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: voice that, I was becoming more passive, aggressive and unproductive.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: That's right, And so even though I was, you know,
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: triggered and stuff because of her growth, it wasn't actually
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: because of that that was sure highlighting to me what
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: I wanted, was highlighting to me what I really craved
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: and desired out of life. And yes, I was fucking
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: frustrated about it because of my own behavior, but also
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: it was because I was people pleasing and I was
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: going into falling into the fauna response, and I was
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: showing up in a really anxious way because any little
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: thing that I thought that I would do would mean
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: that would result in this person leaving. And so as
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: a result of that, I squished down everything that I wanted, needed,
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: felt everything like that, and tried to be almost like
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: the person that I thought she wanted me to be
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: for her approval. And because of that, I started to
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: slip up all of the little little things that I
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: really wanted to say a way I really wanted to say,
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: because I wasn't being authentic to myself and the modest
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: And that was one of the biggest lessons that I
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: learned in all of this is that when you are
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: not authentic or congruent to who you actually are and
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: what you truly think you were going to be somebody
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: that you're not. You're going to show up in a
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: way that you're not proud of. You're going to do
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: things and say things that feel out of character for you,
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: that don't feel good for you because you're trying to
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: pretend to be someone that you're not.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: Correct sort of cracks in the relationship, and.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: So I think, you know, obviously time went on, and
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: you know, I kind of created and forged my own
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: life and moved to the Gold Coast, and ever since
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: moving to the Gold Coast, and like years have gone by,
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: I truly believe everyone in their own timeline. And what
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: happened in this dynamic was that all of these women
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: who kind of like what felt like abandoned me at
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: the time and obviously just did what was best for
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: them at time, which is fine, like everyone was benefiting them,
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: what was benefiting were obviously going with the person that
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: was helping them grow their businesses. Like, yes, they were
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: going to choose that. I don't blame it sounds like
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: like a Queen Bee situation. People wanted to be around her.
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: She was very much this likeial, yes, very influential, very
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: like pioneer of the coaching and could.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: Help them and like drawn to that.
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: Absolutely everyone wanted to be around that, and so it
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: was everyone was trying to buy her approval. Everyone was
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: trying to get her approval, and if you were in
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: with the group, then you were cool and like it
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: really was like that.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: It was really interesting to see the way.
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: That these women would behave And I think because I
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: was friends with her before she had become I was
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: there because I loved her and I wanted to be
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: her friend, not what she could give you, No, And
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: then everyone was like coming. It just changed, everything changed,
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: So everyone started to I noticed the girls started to
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: come back and message me, and like one by one.
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: This has probably been like a year and a half
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: to two years after this experience happened. I'd get a
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: message out of the blue, Hey, Tea, can I talk
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: to you? Hey, I just want to say I'm so
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: sorry for the way that I behaved all those years ago.
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: You didn't deserve that, and I am no longer in
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: contact with X y Z. And this is what happened
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: with me with this person now in your support Hey, yeah,
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: And it was like I'm sorry that I behaved that
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: way and didn't give you the benefit of the doubt
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: it's nice. And then it was like three months later
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: another one on hey, tea, I'm so sorry for the
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: way that I behaved all those years ago. You didn't
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: deserve that. Another one later, Like, I swear to god,
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: there would have been at.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: Least see quite a few. Hey. It was like every time.
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: I'd get round, I'd literally like, actually, look.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: Baby, I'm one of those coaches.
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: They're literally messaging me apologizing for what they've done or
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: like how they treated me, or you know, can now
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: see clearly yes, that I didn't deserve that, or that
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: the way that I was kind of like pushed out
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: of that group was like quite unfair.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: And how did that make you feel getting those messages?
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: Were you kind of like, oh my gosh, like I'm
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: so glad. Did you want to reconnect with them, did
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: you forgive them or did you be like, wow, it's
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: taking your years, but thank you, but no thank you,
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: or like what going through your mind when you received those.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: I think when I first got those, the first message
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: I ever got.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: I cried.
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: I remember, yeah, yeah right, because I just remember thinking
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: like relief almost yeah, like fuck, I'm not crazy, yeacause
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: I remember at the end of the friendship. Like I
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: remember seeing all these traits about my best friend and
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: like love her for it and just who she was
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: as a person, but I saw all these things about
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: her that I didn't previously see, and like, not that
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: I judged her for it, but I remember questioning a
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: lot of things, being like, oh, that doesn't see all
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: that behave, Oh that doesn't sit well. Oh actually no
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: that's not right, and like little things like that, And
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: it made me feel like I was going fucking crazy
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: because of what she blamed me for. Even face to face,
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: I literally felt like I was being gas lit in
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: the moment to like saying that I was lying and
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: stealing and cheating and all of these things, and I
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: was like, I fucking haven't been doing those things. What
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: are you talking about? She like literally yelled at me once,
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: like when we were having that conversation, being like, yeah,
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: you fucking did, like and I'm like, I don't know what.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: Is happening right now.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, obviously her experience my experience very different,
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: and that's okay.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: They get to be.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: But I think it just made me feel not crazy.
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: It made me feel like, fuck, my experience is actually
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: real and all of those things that I was questioning
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: in the beginning, like I was right to question because
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: it was my intuition was screaming at me. And it
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: just made me feel like fuck, Like maybe I don't
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: have to beraate myself or punish myself anymore for this
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: experience of feeling like every single one of them betrayed
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: me and you know, abandoned me basically and just like
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: left me out for dead because they didn't think I
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: was a good person. It was just because they did
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: what was right for them in the moment.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: And they'd heard things and chose to believe that's right.
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: And then when there was one of the girls who
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: you know, I'd moved to the Gold Coast, she saw
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: that I moved to the Gold Coast, she also moved
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: to the Goal Coast, and she messaged me and voice
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: messaged me one day, Hey Tea, Like, I hope you're
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: doing so well. I've seen you on social media, have
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: been following you for a while, Like it looks like
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: you're thriving and living such a happy life and all
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: the things. I don't know how you'd feel about this,
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: but I'd really love to meet up with you in person,
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: and like, apologize to you face to face for the
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: way that I behaved. And we ended up meeting up,
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: catching up, sitting down, and she told me all about
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: the things that were told to her, what was said
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: about me, the lies that were going around, the reason
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: why she decided to unfriend me and kind of like
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: leave me.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: She got to hear all that all those years later.
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: It made me I cried, Like I just cried because
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: I just I cried because I was sad because one
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: somebody else was now going through the same thing that
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: I was going through, because she had also stopped talking
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: that person too and experienced the same thing basically like
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: pushed out of the group and theok for anymore and
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: blocked her and things, and so it was like she
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: was having her own experience of it and kind of
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: wanted to come to me for comfort, you.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: Know, did you want to comfort her in that?
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: I had compassion for her, And I really appreciate that
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: she came and apologized face to face and wanted to
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: share why explain why share her story what she thinks
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: now and what she sees now with this awareness, Like
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: I really appreciated thought that was really brave of her
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: to do. Did it make me want to be her friend. No,
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: did it make me want.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: To pay class is broken? Well, I don't think that.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: At the time, I was like over the level of
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: betrayal to me. I feel like, now, if you're not
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, you
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: don't deserve a place in my life, you know, because
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: all of them made an assumption about me, didn't give
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: me the opportunity to share my side of the story
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: or to even defend myself in some way, and just
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: made an assumption that I was a cheat, a lion,
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: stole money off her and that was it, and I
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: wanted to check her man, which none of those things
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: were true. So for me, that was like, I actually
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: don't think I can trust you. I don't want you
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: in my space. So even though all of those girls
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: had come back in some way and wanted to make
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: friends and make happy and all the things, I'm like, yeah,
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: that's fine, I'll still be respectful, but like, I'm not
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: giving you a place in my life.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah you were, like I really appreciate it, but there's
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: still no room for you here.
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: There's no room for you here. Like I'm a different
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: version of myself. I actually don't want to connect with
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: you now, like we're not aligned.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah we weren't, you know what I mean.
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: And obviously we weren't aligned back then, and so it
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: was just like, I appreciate it. It helped heal a
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: part of the wound that I had still, but it
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: also was like, I'm leaving you in the past with
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: everything else.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: That's such up as close to me.
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: I even remember one of the coaches buying a ticket
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: to one of our events and I gave her a refund,
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: and I said, Hey, I appreciate everything that you've done
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: and all the things. I don't think I've still fully
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: overcome all of this and the hurt that I felt
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: way back when I'm going to give you a refund.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: I just don't want to bring anything up from my
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: past whilst I'm leading a room of fifty women with
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: my best friend and business partner. Yeah, you know, it's
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: just not what I want to bring into this this
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: time of my life. Yeah, that was a decision I
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: made based on how I was still feeling about it.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: I think you really honored yourself at that moment. Yeah
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: I did. Yeah, it's really being abandoned by women, like
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: you said, it's probably one of the scariest thing that
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: you go through as a girl.
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: Percent And I think, yeah, like what I mentioned before,
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: Like part of the reason why I didn't want to
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: bring it forward is because there was a part of
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: me that was still shameful for how I behaved in
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: the dynamic. Like, obviously there are things like to hear
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: that you are the reason that you've broke down your
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: friendship with your best friend. It's fucking gut wrenching. It's
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: gut wrenching. And also everyone had already made up an
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: opinion about me. I didn't want to give people fuel
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: to the fire as to why they would shot on me.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: More more reason.
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like the reality is, like I take responsibility and
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: have over the last however many years it's been to
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: not be that person to heal the wounds that were
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: coming up for me in that time, and I'm a
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: better person for it, you know.
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just to bring some humor into it, you snooz,
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: you loose motherfuckers. She's my best friend now, and she's
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: the best friend in the world.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: So I love you. I got lucky.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for the whole experience, even though I would
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: not wish that upon you or my worst enemy, because
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: having women abandoned you, Like you've always said, I fully
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: take responsibility for my part on something you've always said
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: is I just wish people would have given me two
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: minutes out of their time to like hear your side, yeah,
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: rather than just hearing one side and to be spread
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: retreats and like online marketing and just you see it
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: all the time in social media, people like breadcrumb and
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: create this narrative and people just jump and believe that
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: person without actually going shit, there's another person here and
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: their experience is just as real.
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: No one knows that's really happening except the two people
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: in that dynamic, and no.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: One would have known.
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: And you know, I was being used as online marketing
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: for like selling programs and stuff like that our dynamic
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: and what had happened.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: And that's fine.
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: Everyone can do what they want with their story. That's fine.
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: But I think like what was really healing for me
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: is that like she ended up reaching out and we
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: had a conversation of an email, yeah, and just like
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: spoke about I think again it was one of those
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: moments where I'm like, fuck, I'm not crazy, like I
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: did experience the beautiful friendship and relationship that we had,
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: and also this is how it broke down, and this
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: is how it felt for her.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: She got to share.
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, last year, at the beginning of the year, she
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: had reached out via email, sent me this really beautiful email.
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: Obviously I won't go into it, but what came up
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: for her, just what came up for her, and the
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: way that she appreciated our friendship and what it meant
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: to her and all of the beautiful things, and then.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: Also aship in some of it, some of it.
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I definitely would have liked to see more ownership
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: from her. Yeah, that's just my honest experience, to be honest,
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: because I feel like I can see that there are
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: more things so that she's not owning and that's totally fine, Like,
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: but it was something. It was something, and you know,
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: it's obviously not my place to say that. That's just
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: my opinion. Yeah, it doesn't mean that it's right, that's
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: just my opinion. Anyway, we went back and forth for
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: like a couple of months over email and stuff and
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: just kind of worked through things, and she had shared
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: to me that she didn't give me the benefit of
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: the doubt at the time too, because apparently she was
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: hearing things from other girls in the coaching industry that
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: were saying things about me, and she was like, the
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: things that I was hearing from the other girls that
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: you were doing, She's like, me and this other girl
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: couldn't believe it, and they.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: Were like, confirm more of her story. Just made it.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: It made it work.
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Obviously people were saying that I was saying things
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: about her and this other girl, and so they were like, oh,
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: my fucking god, I can't believe Tiana would do.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: That, But I thought you were bitching behind them, YAC.
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: And then I told her about what was being said
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: about her, and she's like, I didn't say that. I
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: didn't say this, this and this. But she's like, I
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: could have done better to not assume that what they
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: were saying about you was true. And I was like, well,
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: vice versa. I could have done the same thing, but
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: I didn't because obviously our friendship was so far gone
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: at that point that trust was broken. Yeah, I think
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: having that conversation really kind of closed things up and
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: allowed me to kind of like close that chapter for
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: good and just appreciate what was take accountability for what happened,
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: and also leave everything else that's not mine to be responsible.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: For beautiful, And anyone that's listening and going through like
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: a big friendship breakdown or they're feeling abandoned or in
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: a similar situation, like do you have any advice for them,
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: or like how to get through or how to communicate,
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: or what would you do differently if you could go
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: back and like coach Young Tiana through that, it's.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: A good question. That's such a good question.
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: If I could go back and coach Young Tiana on
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: this situation, I would have heard what my loved ones
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: were telling me about what was coming up for them
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: and how my behavior was impacting them, and I would
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: have changed it.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: But I was.
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: Resistant to taking accountability because I thought that if I
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: took accountability for that, it would make me a bad person. Yes,
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: because I thought you think that abandoned you anyway, then,
• 41:13
  Speaker 3: but that defended me anyway.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: You're admitting what you're doing is wrong.
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I would have admitted it, but not just admitted
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: it and apologized for the sake of apologizing, because that's
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: what I used to do. I used to apologize for
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: the sake of it and not actually do anything. About
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: it and that's what breaks trust. And so it would
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: be knowing that just because somebody is reflecting something to
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: you doesn't mean that they're saying that you're a bad person.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that they're in loll you. They're inviting
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: you to step up, they're inviting you.
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: They're saying I love you and I want to keep
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: you in my life. Can you please look at this
• 41:41
  Speaker 3: so that we can create a safe relationship.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: And without saying it, And if you don't, then our
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: relationship's not going to work because I can't tolerate this
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: kind of behavioral passive aggressive epsilt wall.
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: And also knowing that even if you don't identify with
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: something and it hurts to acknowledge and it feels like fuck,
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: that is not me. I don't want to identify with that.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: I would never do that. Yes, I encourage you to just.
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: Look at it with some curiosity and just be really
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: kind to yourself, like you don't need to judge yourself
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: for it, or to label yourself or anything. Just be
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: willing to see with curiosity.
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: Okay. Cool?
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: Like if this person is saying I'm a little bit
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: passive aggressive when I'm mad, okay, cool, Like where might
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: that show up in my life? Where has that in
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: the past may be shown up for me? Because the
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: more awareness that you can bring to where you show
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: up like that, the less shame that you're going to feel.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: Yes, so true, because you're not going to be so
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: resistant to it.
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: You're going to be like, oh, fuck, you know what,
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: I've done that twenty times in the past before. And
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: when you start to own it without the shame, it
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: doesn't feel as scary. And that's something I couldn't do
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: back then. I was too young, I was too naive,
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: I was as willing because I was I didn't know
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: how to hold it, babe. My nervous system was cooked.
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: I was having panic attacks every fucking two weeks, like
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: probably more frequently than that. Couldn't breathe, couldn't regulate myself
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: because I was so scared of what I might find
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: within myself that would mean that I was a bad person.
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: When I'd spent my whole life convincing myself that I
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: was a good person, that I was kind and nice
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: and thoughtful and considerate and all of these beautiful things,
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: not acknowledging that I'm capable of being everything else too,
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: And when you realize that you're capable of being everything
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: else as well. You kind of become okay when you
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: start to show those things.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, you bring playfulness to it, prayfu. Yeah,
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: that's like we do.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: We literally like bring our flaws forward or the things
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: that we're ashamed of and will like name it and
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: play with it and.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, me too, and oh yes, And this is why
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: I am the way that I am in terms of communication,
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: because whether it's bringing playfulness to it over communicating problems
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: before they become cracked up, is literally because I have
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: lost somebody that I love so deeply, and if I
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: could do it all again and like have that, like,
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: I would have never wanted that to happen, do you know.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: What I mean?
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: So I'm like, I will do anything I can now
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: to prevent that happening so that I can keep the people.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: That I fucking love my life. And if you know
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: that again, it's just my biggest lesson.
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: Preserving your ego is not worth the connection that you
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: will lose if you do. Yeah, your ego will try
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: to protect you from pain, from hurt, from you know,
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: potential betrayal and things, but it will keep you at
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: lengths from people you don't want.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: To be at arm's length.
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: That preserving that and who you think you are is
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: not worth it over the deep connection that you can
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: have when you are just vulnerable, honest yourself, be all
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: of who you are, own who you are, Own your
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: shit fucking take accountability for it, and move with it, Like,
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: do something with it so that you can prove not
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: only to yourself but to the people in your life
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: that you are reliable, that you're safe, that no matter
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: what comes up for you, you're willing to face it,
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: deal with it, and you move through it with them. Yeah,
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: and row together on the journey. That is like one
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: of my biggest lessons in all of this. And I
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: wish that young Tiana knew that.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's such a skill to have to actually like
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: know what your flaws are, oh, and to be able
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: to communicate them, bring playfulness and then work through them.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: And even when you slip, it's like when you've got
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: that awareness, the slips become less frequent and the recovery
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: is faster and the connection can remain even through the slips.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, Yeah, But yeah, that's my story of both sadness, betrayal, heartbreak,
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: and also like personal accountability and triumph because you know,
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: when I think of who I used to be before
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: this happened, or even in the midst of it and
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: after it, I just like I wasn't the person that
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: I wanted to be.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: I just did know how to get there.
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: And I truly believe that this dynamic and this you know,
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: experience of mine really shaped the woman that I am
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: in terms of communication, accountability, you know how I show
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: up for my loved ones, and you know, it really
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: taught me to be more selfless in my dynamics, you know,
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: always making sure I'm being curious and asking questions, and
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: you know, just like showing love in the way that
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: I know that I can use.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: It's so beautifully, I know because I receive it on
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: the day, lucking me.
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: And now I get to beautiful humans like the person
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: I'm looking at, and just like be so grateful and
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: get to show up as a really beautiful person for you,
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: because the way that I am for you, I know
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: you are for me. And I've just whilst all of
• 45:59
  Speaker 3: that happened, I wouldn't be here if I learned for
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: those things, and I wouldn't have met you I wouldn't
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: have been the person that I needed to be to
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: show up in this friendship, and for that I am
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: fucking forever grateful because also that experience helped me have
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: a similar wound to what you do.
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: We've both got some million right similar situations too, him
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: felt through similar things.
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, similar situations, similar wounds, which means that we also
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: have an extended amount of compassion, much compassion and judgment, love, understanding,
• 46:30
  Speaker 3: appreciation for both of us because it comes natural to
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: like want to hold each other because all we've ever
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: wanted is someone to hold us in it. Yeah, so
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: it comes very natural to do about each other. We overly,
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: we reassure when we need it, and I really believe
• 46:43
  Speaker 3: that our friendship dynamic has allowed us to become both
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: more secure in our anxious attachment so much so because
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: we've created so much safety here.
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: That only ripples onto our other relationships and friendships as well,
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: which is really beautiful. That's the gift in it all,
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: Like so beautiful, we always say, through all the hardship
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: and all the shit we go through, like it leads
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: you to where you meant to be, And if that
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: all didn't happen, we wouldn't be here today.
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm really grateful for that. Yeah, me too.
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So I'm grateful for all of that because it
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: set me up to be this person and this version
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: of myself to attract you and to have our dynamic
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: and our friendship, and to be the version of myself
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: that I'm proud of. So anyone who is listening, who
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: has ever been through anything like this, who's going through this,
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: who's previously been through this, still holding onto it, just
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: know that there are lessons in that experience that are
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: teaching you how to be a better version of yourself.
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: So when the right people come into your life and stay,
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: you're going to know how to keep them, yes, Because
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: it's one thing to creach it. Yeah, it's one thing
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: to bring people into your life, but it's another thing
• 47:37
  Speaker 3: to keep good people in your life. And that's by
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: being a good person yourself. And so let it teach you,
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: Let it break your heart, let it shatter your heart
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: into a million pieces, but also allow yourself to put
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: your heart back together again so that you can be
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: good and ready for when the people who come in
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: who are going to love you, to truly love on you,
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: and they're going to help heal your heart too.
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so beautiful. Done babe, But thank you for sharing.
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: I'm sure so many women listening like, oh my gosh,
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: I've been through this with an old best face or
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: a group of friends.
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: Even in high school. That happens all the time.
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: Like even my nanny says, like at daycare is like
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: little girls are leaving up, little girls out, Like it
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: starts young, and it's just young.
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: It is so scary and isolating.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: So thank you for being vulnerable and sharing all their
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: ups and downs and the lessons.
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: It's really beautiful.
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: I'm very, very proud of you. That's for sure. It's
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: been a journey. Thank you, Love you, love you. We'll
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: see you guys tomorrow. Bye bye.