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New Season, New Standards: The Real Path to Self-Trust · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: We all know what it feels like to make a promise to ourselves and then slowly begin to bargain our way out of it.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: And the truth is, the problem is not the missed workout or the skicked journaling session or the takeaway that you had last night.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is the erosion of the self-trust.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: And what I've noticed in this season is that the entire game has changed.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want to know what I'm talking about, you know what to do.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Grab your brew and let's dive right in.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: So let's start at the beginning.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Before this season, this autumn season, this midlife season, I would have coached myself and my clients around commitment.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: So when they tell me they've made a promise of themselves and they've made this new goal and they start to work on it, and then two, three, four days later they've decided they don't want to do it anymore, and they're telling themselves, oh, I'll do it tomorrow, or I don't feel like it, I'll start when I'm motivated, or skipping it once won't really matter.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'd have gone straight for coaching them around how to increase their commitment, like what needs to happen.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'd have coached them on their increasing their capacity to do hard things.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: We would have gone around effective scheduling.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: We'd have talked about that commitment is a feeling and discipline is a decision.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And we would have gone around all that coaching to effectively put them into the mode where they could do the things regardless of how they felt.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then I hit the season of autumn.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been thinking about some of the things that make this strategy ineffective right now.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the things that I'm going to share with you now are, to some degree, things that can feel so much out of your control.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Things like forgetfulness, being super distracted, having your eyes on a million things, you know, at one go, brain just not doing what you want it to do.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Your change of values, that is obviously within your control, but not if we don't kind of honour those values and we keep chasing something that was that we were interested in a year ago, five years ago.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then the the obvious kind of um energy that energy levels that sway from hour to hour, day to day, month to month, week to week, all of those kind of things.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So now we've been trying to play the game same game with the same rules, but we're a different player.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And what I'm noticing is that with my clients, it's not just eroding their self-trust, it's actually making them feel like they're incapable, that they're broken, that there's something wrong.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And their default is to work harder.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: But what if it wasn't that?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: What if we really need to just take a step back and give ourselves the grace and space to recognize that we're in a different season, and maybe just at this point, we need to have a different strategy.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because the truth is the cost is still the same, but it could also be exacerbated.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So let me clarify that.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: We know that when you keep breaking the word that you give to yourself, the promise that you give to yourself, it starts not just to erode your self-belief, uh, your sorry, your self-trust, it erodes your self-belief.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: You start to dilute that.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: You begin to wonder if you'll ever actually be able to follow through on anything and reach any goal or achievement or experience that you want to have.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And really, this has been the big thing for me.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes harder and harder to dream bigger when you can't trust yourself in the small things.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Self-trust effectively is built the same way that we build trust in relationships.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's through those small, consistent actions.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's the not forgetting to say I love you, it's the thoughtful, it's the card, it's the flowers, it's someone seeing you when you're having a bad day and offering to help or just doing something without you even asking.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And we know that confidence builds through evidence and through action, right?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to take action to get evidence, which builds our confidence.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: But when we're in this season where we feel like we're fighting forgetfulness and distractions and changing of values and energy that can be out of control, mood swings that we don't know what's going to happen, how can we even show up for ourselves?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to let you know, first and foremost, from this session, is that, like I say, the cost is still the same.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's eroding our self-belief, it's eroding our self-trust.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And when we're in a season where sometimes our emotions can already feel so fragile, we can feel like we're already at capacity with our emotions, with our our physical energy, with our mental capacity, and we feel like we're like we're at the edge.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: This can just be a tipping point when we start to think, well, what's the point?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And we start to believe the evidence that we're not getting anything done, or we're going around in circles, rather than just taking a step back and going, hey, this season that I'm in, right now I'm not the same person, and right now I don't have a perfect strategy, and right now I'm still trying to figure things out.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: And right now, perhaps the best thing that I can do for myself is to take things slower and work out what works for me in this particular moment.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I just come up with a list of simple things, and here's the thing: this is all about making things more simple.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: The things that you need to do, I want you to make them as easy as possible.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of having 10 things on your list, can you take it down to three?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Three things that are going to have the biggest impact across all levels of your life, whether that's taking your supplements, drinking more water, getting more sleep, something that you can just get to the end of the day and go, I know I did that.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I've actually turned into my mother.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I now get my supplements out and put them in a little pot next to my kettle at night time.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So even though I look at them 20 times through the day, if they're not in this pot, they don't get taken.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: When did that even happen?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the next thing is scheduling.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Schedule in detail.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: If it's not in my schedule, even if I know it has to get done, it seriously, it just doesn't get done.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to make sure that in your schedule, the first things you put in are the time that you need to take for yourself because you cannot keep running at capacity.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's not a lifetime strategy.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Something will burn or break.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: So put your self-care in, put the time in for you, the things that are important to you, and then schedule, put alarms on your phone for these little things like taking your supplements.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: I know it sounds ridiculous, but seriously, I used to be the most motivated, organized, and disciplined person, and she has left the building, and I have to use a different strategy.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Please, please, please ask for support, get some help.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: The people that live with you, the people that you work with, your friends, ask for what you need.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: And ladies, if you have friends in this same season, when you start to ask for what you need, you give them permission to do the same.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, just check in with yourself more regularly.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: See if you can track your cycles and moon cycles, your mood cycles, like track something to see if you can find some kind of pattern, because invariably a pattern will exist.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously, do not knock the full moon and new moon pattern, new moon patterns in terms of your energy and your clarity and your drive.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It seems to be more potent than ever as women come into this season.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: So check in on yourself regularly, monitor yourself, ask yourself where your energy is, and just make sure you're doing things that serve you.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: Stay hydrated, eat well, move your body, get support.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Bring it back to the simple little things that you can do, that you can get into bed at night and just say, I know that I did that.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And above and beyond everything else, trust yourself through this season.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: You are literally neurologically and biologically becoming a different person.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: The answer is not to fight for who you were, but to be curious about the person that you are becoming and creating.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to this episode of the Seeking Simplicity Podcast, and I'll speak to you again next week.