Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 157. Self-Doubt, LOSS & Heartache: "How Do I Come Back From Heartbreak?!"

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157. Self-Doubt, LOSS & Heartache: "How Do I Come Back From Heartbreak?!" · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apologie production, I easier advice.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Are you okay what happened?
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Bring it in.
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  Speaker 1: Welcome to our bestie segment, girl this is the place
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: for you. Welcome back to another best episode with Ashley
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  Speaker 1: and Tiana. This one is for our heartbreak girlies. You've
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  Speaker 1: been through heartbreak, you've been her before, or maybe you
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  Speaker 1: feel a little bit lost post heartbreak. You're going to
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  Speaker 1: really resonate with this one.
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  Speaker 2: I think we've all been in this position before. It
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  Speaker 2: is a very short submission. If you are writing a submission,
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  Speaker 2: the more details you give us the better. However, I
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  Speaker 2: think we can still give a lot of really good
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  Speaker 2: advice on this one. I think so too, alrighty. Our
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  Speaker 2: submission says I've slowly lost myself after a bad breakup.
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  Speaker 2: It's been almost two years and I just don't feel
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  Speaker 2: like my usual self. I don't feel pretty anymore, I
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  Speaker 2: don't feel sexy. So what's some girly advice on how
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  Speaker 2: to find your spark again? I just feel so gross.
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  Speaker 1: Oh I'm so sorry you're going through this and still
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  Speaker 1: feeling like this two years later. Breakups in general are
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  Speaker 1: fucking hard.
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  Speaker 2: One of the partest things you go through it it's.
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  Speaker 1: So hard, Like this is an unspoken part of breakups
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  Speaker 1: that there is a period post breakup where you're just
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  Speaker 1: not yourself. You're just not yourself. You don't feel like yourself.
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  Speaker 1: All the mundane tasks that you normally do feel hard.
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  Speaker 1: Getting up to your alarm feels hard, going to bed
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  Speaker 1: feels hard, going to work feels hard. You know, it's
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  Speaker 1: really challenging when you lose someone that you love so deeply.
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  Speaker 1: And I think with this, it sounds like to me
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  Speaker 1: that there's like you haven't fully processed the relationship still
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  Speaker 1: and you never fully do. From being honest, like there's
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  Speaker 1: never like a stop point.
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  Speaker 2: True.
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  Speaker 1: You know, you're always grieving, you're always letting go, you're
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  Speaker 1: always learning new things. But it sounds like to me,
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  Speaker 1: there's a lot there still for you to kind of
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  Speaker 1: move through, you know. And I reckon I would just
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  Speaker 1: give yourself permission to one be sad, be sad, let
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  Speaker 1: yourself grieve, Like if you need to go sit in
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  Speaker 1: your room and put a sad playlist on and cry
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  Speaker 1: your eyes out for however long you need, or you
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  Speaker 1: need to sit in the car and you just scream
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  Speaker 1: in the car to let your fresh out because it
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  Speaker 1: didn't work out, let yourself do those things and do
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  Speaker 1: it again and again and again, you know. And on
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  Speaker 1: top of that, I think it's really easy in relationships
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  Speaker 1: to kind of lose yourself in the relationship post relationship,
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  Speaker 1: Like it doesn't happen after the relationship, it happens in
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  Speaker 1: the relationships. So true, you know, prioritize all their needs absolutely,
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  Speaker 1: So whilst this period of time may feel hard, conflicting,
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  Speaker 1: or uncertain, it also gets to be a really fun
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  Speaker 1: time too. And the reason why I say that is
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  Speaker 1: because you get to figure out who you are again,
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  Speaker 1: and what that might look like is simply writing a
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  Speaker 1: list in your phone notes. I get my clients to
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  Speaker 1: do this, actually write a list in your notes and
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  Speaker 1: go what do I like? What don't I like? What
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  Speaker 1: pisces me off? What triggers me? What makes me feel
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  Speaker 1: soft and feminine? What makes me feel happy?
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  Speaker 2: Oh my god?
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  Speaker 1: It's so fun. Absolutely honestly, it has helped so many
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  Speaker 1: of my clients because it helps them rebuild their sense
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  Speaker 1: of identity right because right now you're like, well, who
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  Speaker 1: the fuck am I post relationship? I don't know who
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  Speaker 1: I am without this person anymore. So we get to
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  Speaker 1: build you up and you get to start figuring out
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  Speaker 1: the things that you do like and you get to
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  Speaker 1: start building a life around you and what makes you happy. Now,
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  Speaker 1: that's really good advice, that's really powerful.
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  Speaker 2: I mean the first thing that comes to my head
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  Speaker 2: would be I think if I was to go through
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  Speaker 2: a breakup, I would want to find joy in fun again. Yes,
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  Speaker 2: I think I would turn to my girlfriends and hobbies,
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  Speaker 2: are going to go to dance class, hates more. I'd
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  Speaker 2: want to hang out with my friends more and just
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  Speaker 2: not distract myself because I don't think that's productive if
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  Speaker 2: you're not actually allowing yourself to feel. But I would
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  Speaker 2: try and balance it out with the fun. And what
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  Speaker 2: have you done since your last breakup when you felt
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  Speaker 2: like that? How did you kind of find more joy
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  Speaker 2: in your.
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  Speaker 1: Day to day? I would say, continuing on spending as
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  Speaker 1: much time with you and my girlfriends as I normally would,
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  Speaker 1: you know, so I think like making sure that I'm
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  Speaker 1: still prioritizing girl time, going for dinners like we do.
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  Speaker 1: Stay case, that's for work, but that's as look forward to,
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  Speaker 1: right things to look forward to, I think, honestly, in
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  Speaker 1: that first beginning period where you you don't want to
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  Speaker 1: do anything or you want to do is isolate yourself.
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  Speaker 1: The biggest piece of advice is to continue living your
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  Speaker 1: life as if nothing has happened. Yeah, okay, because when
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  Speaker 1: you drop off all those other things you spiral.
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  Speaker 2: Well, then you've lost everything. It feels like.
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  Speaker 1: That's the partner You're like, you pushed your friends away,
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  Speaker 1: you don't want to show up as work, You're delaying
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  Speaker 1: time on your projects at work, You're not showing up
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  Speaker 1: in your own business anymore. You push your family away
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  Speaker 1: because you.
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  Speaker 2: Stack stack sack sex stay.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just stax. Yeah, So like live your life
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  Speaker 1: as normal and finding joy. For me, that was a
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  Speaker 1: really long winded way. But finding joy for me was
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  Speaker 1: doing this list, Like this is how I built myself
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  Speaker 1: back up. I was like, okay, well, what's something that
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  Speaker 1: I've always wanted to do but I always felt too scared.
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  Speaker 1: And then I started doing dance class and I started
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  Speaker 1: getting good at dancing and like feeling sexual and feminine,
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  Speaker 1: feeling really good in my body again after feeling like,
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  Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm so awkward. Yes, oh my god,
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  Speaker 1: I'm like I haven't felt sexy in such a long
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  Speaker 1: time going and doing that or now what I do.
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  Speaker 1: Even I've had breakup stuff from that relationship. I've had
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  Speaker 1: some stuff come up for me recently, a lot more
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  Speaker 1: than I'd like to admit actually, But this is the
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  Speaker 1: process of healing.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's good proof it doesn't just end. Yeah, okay, And.
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  Speaker 1: So things stack, work happens, life happens, emotions come up.
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  Speaker 1: And now every single day after work, after my work day,
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  Speaker 1: I'm on the beach with my feet in the sand
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  Speaker 1: and my feet in the water and grounding myself. That
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  Speaker 1: makes me happy. Looking at the view on the beach
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  Speaker 1: and like looking at the ocean honestly makes me so happy.
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  Speaker 2: It's a tool you use. Now it's like, Okay, I'm
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  Speaker 2: feeling this lot's coming up for me at the moment
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  Speaker 2: I need to go around Honestly.
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  Speaker 1: That and even just little snippets of like us going
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  Speaker 1: on a lunch date or sitting and talking with my
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  Speaker 1: sister at home, Chantal and just us having a chat
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  Speaker 1: and having a laugh. Yeah. Being able to just like
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  Speaker 1: find the mundane moments and share it with people that
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  Speaker 1: I love honestly brought so much Joey back into my life.
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  Speaker 2: That's beautiful. It's really leaning on your circle. Absolutely finny
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  Speaker 2: things that make you happy, make you smile, even if
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  Speaker 2: it's just for that moment, it has like a roll
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  Speaker 2: on effects.
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  Speaker 1: I'd love to know what advice you would give, Babe,
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  Speaker 1: if somebody didn't have that circle to lean on, what
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  Speaker 1: do you reckon? What would you suggest for somebody who
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  Speaker 1: didn't feel like they had a lot of close people
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  Speaker 1: in their life, who could they could really lean on
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  Speaker 1: during this breakup?
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  Speaker 2: I think personally I would want to find people, so
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  Speaker 2: I put myself in situations where I could meet people.
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  Speaker 2: When I just run clubs are quite trending, but even
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  Speaker 2: going to dance classes or talking people at the gym,
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  Speaker 2: like we met each other different hobbies and classes and environments.
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  Speaker 2: But I think i'd probably hire a coach, which I've done,
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  Speaker 2: not through a breakup, but when I've gone through hard
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  Speaker 2: periods where I'm transitioning. I've hired a coach because yes
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  Speaker 2: it's paid support, but it's support, and it's support that
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  Speaker 2: I know they're going to be able to hold me
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  Speaker 2: because that's their job. Yes, I know they have amazing advice,
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  Speaker 2: and I just know that I've got someone to turn
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  Speaker 2: to order it's like with your coaching and how you
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  Speaker 2: have that Boxer things. Yes, yeah, I've never had that,
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  Speaker 2: but when you said that there's an option for your clients,
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  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, that's the best thing ever.
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  Speaker 1: So Boxer is the best.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's this app where Tiana's clients can actually if
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  Speaker 2: they say they had an argument someone at work or
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  Speaker 2: an argument their partner, they can literally go into this
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  Speaker 2: voice message app and voice mesage Tiana and be like,
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  Speaker 2: oh my god, this happened. I'm feeling like there's some
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  Speaker 2: triggered like help basically, and then she checks them once
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  Speaker 2: a day and gets back to them. But then they
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  Speaker 2: also have their once a week call. So I think
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  Speaker 2: if I didn't have the support, I would pay to
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  Speaker 2: get the support, and then I'd be doing a lot
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  Speaker 2: of things that bring me joy, which for me it's nature.
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  Speaker 2: Try its, exercise, dance, class, booking, things in I love
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  Speaker 2: to have, like a trip to look forward to and
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  Speaker 2: something to work towards. Yeah, I think that kind of
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  Speaker 2: keeps me motivated and keeps my energy. A bit like
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  Speaker 2: I'll beat if I don't have thing to look forward to.
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  Speaker 2: I feel a bit like.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, flumpy, it's a bit like that is. Yeah, it
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  Speaker 1: gives you like a light kicking your step to like
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  Speaker 1: get through.
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  Speaker 2: It does, even if you don't have one to travel with, Like,
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  Speaker 2: when you travel you can meet so many people.
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  Speaker 1: That's so true.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not really like open to many people on travels
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  Speaker 2: and only with you or Steve or the kids or whatever.
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  Speaker 2: But if I was single and going through that, like
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  Speaker 2: I would be a social butterfly. Yeah, I'd be like
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  Speaker 2: connecting and having fun and building new memories and experiences
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  Speaker 2: and just opening myself up.
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  Speaker 1: I would you actually do meet more people when you're
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  Speaker 1: on your own because you are more open to conversations. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: because you want to have conversations. Like, no one else
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  Speaker 1: talked to me. You're like, I'm not in tunnel vision
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  Speaker 1: in this moment right now, I want to interrupt us.
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  Speaker 1: I'm like, sorry, I didn't even see you because I
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  Speaker 1: wasn't looking outside of this little bubble we have.
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  Speaker 2: We're just doing our content. But you would be in
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  Speaker 2: our content. We're just like locked in where it's winded
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  Speaker 2: by yourself. You definitely would be more open to that.
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  Speaker 1: Finally, Yeah, I love what you mentioned around the movement
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  Speaker 1: and the exercise thing. That's also been something that I
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  Speaker 1: have leant on heavily.
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  Speaker 2: Dolphins.
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  Speaker 1: I remember I used to emotionally eat a lot when
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  Speaker 1: I would go through breakups and things like that. Oh,
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  Speaker 1: it was the biggest outlet for me. And then I
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  Speaker 1: was like, Okay, well how can I make this unhealthy
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  Speaker 1: habita productive one? And so every time I felt sad,
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  Speaker 1: I would go to the gym or go for a walk.
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  Speaker 1: And then that become like a trigger. So even now,
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  Speaker 1: when I feel overwhelmed or I feel sad or something
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  Speaker 1: comes up for me, I'll go and exert that energy
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  Speaker 1: in the gym or going for a walk.
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  Speaker 2: And you get the same doorphin feelings that you get
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  Speaker 2: from eating the chocolate. The chocolate makes you feel kind
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  Speaker 2: of better for that moment, but then it fades and
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  Speaker 2: you feel shit for eating that.
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  Speaker 1: It's so true.
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  Speaker 2: It hasn't really served your energy, your body, your skin,
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  Speaker 2: your home, all the things that you value. You're going
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  Speaker 2: to the gym even though it's fifteen minutes. Yeah, go
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  Speaker 2: down to the beach for a walk. You're right, you're
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  Speaker 2: getting that same doorphin here.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely love that. So cool.
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  Speaker 2: Well, we're sorry you're going through this, and we hope
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  Speaker 2: We've given you a big list of things that you
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  Speaker 2: can start to incorporate and if not, you've got that
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: list you can now create. So straight off this podcast,
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: get out your phone. Can we just rehashal you said?
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  Speaker 1: Yep, So go into a note section on your phone
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  Speaker 1: and type in your name at the top and then go, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: what do I like? What don't I like? What makes
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  Speaker 1: me happy? What makes me sad, what triggers what triggers
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  Speaker 1: me up? What gives me joy? Something else is really cool,
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: as well as what do I advocate for and what
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  Speaker 1: don't I advocate? So you're starting to also build your
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  Speaker 1: opinions on things.
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  Speaker 2: That's cool. Yeah, what about where my life is chaos?
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  Speaker 2: And I like that because you want more calm and
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  Speaker 2: resting in this season.
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  Speaker 1: Yep, you can even put in there like who makes
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  Speaker 1: me feel safe? Who doesn't make me feel safe? This
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  Speaker 1: is just like a whole life audit on yourself and
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  Speaker 1: it will really help you come into your own That's
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  Speaker 1: so cool. I love that.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you all right, guys. I hope you enjoyed that.
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  Speaker 2: And I'm sure that's relatable for a lot of you
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  Speaker 2: that have gone through heartbreak. Going through heartbreaks, you know,
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  Speaker 2: even if it's years and you're still feeling like you
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  Speaker 2: just really hope this can kind of give you a
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  Speaker 2: fresh start and something to actually go and do now.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely good luck. We wish you all the best.
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  Speaker 2: We'll see in the next episode.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Bye.