Latest / The Hotmomz Lifestyle Podcast / Ep. #511: Toxic Mom Club & How to Get yourself OUT in 90 days

Transcript

Ep. #511: Toxic Mom Club & How to Get yourself OUT in 90 days · The Hotmomz Lifestyle Podcast

• 0:00
  So this is how to get out of the toxic mom club.
• 0:02
  Fitness, health, mental health edition.
• 0:05
  Now, before you get your panties in a wide, okay.
• 0:08
  If you're the type that you don't like Botox, you talk bad about women who show ass or wear little bikinis or makeup, or I rub you the wrong way or whatever, like you're going to get fucking triggered and you're going to want to come for me.
• 0:23
  So I'm probably going to offend a lot of people.
• 0:25
  But the ones that I don't for you, because I would give anything if I had me right now, eight years ago.
• 0:32
  So I'm doing content for myself eight years ago.
• 0:34
  So this is never about you.
• 0:35
  It's always my projection.
• 0:36
  And if it helps you, then great.
• 0:38
  And typically that's why women like working with me is because they're like, you understand my fucking soul.
• 0:43
  Like you, you speak and it's you know me, that's who I'm for.
• 0:46
  So if you ain't got something nice to say, go the fuck on.
• 0:49
  Do you really want to be that mom, that toxic mom?
• 0:53
  Because that's a toxic mom.
• 0:54
  Toxic moms, are ones that put everybody before themselves.
• 0:59
  They never have any time to do anything for themselves and they feel very guilty.
• 1:03
  When they just ask for a 10 minute break or an hour break to go take a bath, God forbid and feel their feelings right now before you get too carried away.
• 1:14
  If you've got any of these wounds, we're actually making a quiz for you right now.
• 1:17
  You can drop in the comments quiz.
• 1:18
  We'll send it to you.
• 1:20
  It's gonna be Expose like why you're feeling this way and what to do to get out of it because health is not just about shitting twice a day, energy and all that.
• 1:30
  It's about mental health.
• 1:32
  If your mental and emotional health isn't there, then what good are you right?
• 1:37
  So first, number one, if you want to not be a toxic mom, or if you, that's a toxic mom thing.
• 1:43
  Now, good intentions, right?
• 1:46
  The path to hell is paved with good intentions.
• 1:50
  What does that mean?
• 1:51
  You don't need them in your life.
• 1:51
  You need more bitches in your life that are like get your ass back in the gym, hire some help get in the gym.
• 1:58
  And they're like, oh, and even after a baby, don't work out for 12 weeks.
• 2:01
  Fuck you.
• 2:02
  Are you going to come over and like spoon feed me some psilocybin or SSRIs?
• 2:06
  By the way, that's why antidepressants are so over prescribed.
• 2:12
  It's she's not fucking depressed.
• 2:13
  Her hormones are, I wrote a post today.
• 2:15
  That's like booty shorts are not out.
• 2:18
  Booty shorts are not dead.
• 2:19
  Your hormones are dead.
• 2:21
  You're dead.
• 2:21
  You died a long time ago.
• 2:23
  And now you think booty shorts are what young girls wear.
• 2:25
  Who the fuck are you?
• 2:26
  And I'm not a doctor.
• 2:26
  I'm just sharing with you what helped me and thousands of other women.
• 2:30
  You can do something.
• 2:32
  You can sit in a chair and move your arms.
• 2:35
  You can walk, you can raise your leg.
• 2:37
  You can stand on your tippy toes.
• 2:39
  There are things you can do.
• 2:41
  I'm in a tumble class right now.
• 2:43
  I signed up for a tumble class, like a private tumble class to get my back handspring because.
• 2:49
  After 2023 kicked my ass and I just didn't weight train.
• 2:54
  Cause I was wanting to do Pilates and yoga and eat vegan.
• 2:56
  I had like tons of cellulite, my IGF one dropped.
• 3:01
  Like it was and I already have a total hysterectomy.
• 3:03
  So it was almost like my knees were looking old.
• 3:05
  Like I felt old.
• 3:06
  I felt like an old lady, like my performance, I wasn't performance based anymore, like for me, performance is, can I push a car?
• 3:14
  Can I tumble?
• 3:15
  Can I do roundoffs?
• 3:16
  Can I do a toe touch?
• 3:17
  Can I jump around?
• 3:18
  Can I take a fall?
• 3:19
  Can I like sprint and do agility stuff with my kids?
• 3:22
  Like to me, that's what we need to get back to.
• 3:24
  Can you play on the playground?
• 3:26
  If you can't play on the playground, like you're, you can't play.
• 3:29
  That's literally you cannot play.
• 3:31
  So that was me in 2023.
• 3:33
  I was just like, Oh, just let me do Pilates.
• 3:35
  It's what older women do.
• 3:36
  Let me just do Pilates.
• 3:36
  Think about it.
• 3:37
  Do you ever see, and now young girls do Pilates, but they're also young girls and they're dancing their ass off, partying and acting a fool, dancing on TikTok are you doing that?
• 3:46
  If you are great, if not, we got to do some work.
• 3:50
  Okay.
• 3:51
  But it comes from society telling us we should just take it easy.
• 3:55
  We've had babies take it easy.
• 3:57
  You've had no, you want to see a mom go down the shitter quick to pull her away, let her life change drastically and pull her away from exercise alone time and self care.
• 4:12
  Okay.
• 4:12
  That's why women that like, I can't even take a shower let's, all right then something else is wrong.
• 4:17
  You've got tons of fucking trauma.
• 4:19
  If you cannot bathe yourself, are you shaming me?
• 4:22
  She's shaming us.
• 4:23
  Oh, if the shoe fucking fits why don't we just go clear that shame?
• 4:26
  And then you will probably want to bathe your fucking self.
• 4:30
  Because you will know that a dirty, disgusting, feeling ugly, not kept up mom doesn't make a good one.
• 4:39
  Happy moms.
• 4:40
  Let me get into what I'm talking about.
• 4:42
  Who here, or I, when I had my baby, the worst thing you could do is be in like this mom club of women who aren't like you.
• 4:50
  Ones who think that you need to breastfeed for six years and have your baby in forests.
• 4:56
  And no drugs.
• 4:57
  Wouldn't that fucking be nice.
• 4:59
  If everybody could just do it that way.
• 5:01
  It's almost like working out.
• 5:02
  Just practice your mindfulness, get to bed early.
• 5:08
  Shut the fuck up.
• 5:09
  Tell us how.
• 5:11
  Give me a trauma informed program and tell me how, bitch.
• 5:13
  That's who I work with.
• 5:15
  I give you the how.
• 5:17
  Cause I used to see all that.
• 5:18
  I'm like, shut up.
• 5:19
  No, like I want to relax, but how do we do that with all of this stuff?
• 5:23
  I had a total hysterectomy two under two three pregnancies in two years.
• 5:27
  We had deaths in the family.
• 5:28
  My husband was going off the fucking deep end.
• 5:30
  We had baby mama drama.
• 5:31
  We were moving near death experience.
• 5:34
  I could go on, and While I was doing all this, I was still building a business.
• 5:37
  I was still taking care of myself.
• 5:39
  And that's after a total hysterectomy where I couldn't even make it 10 fucking minutes in the gym.
• 5:44
  And I would be crying coming from a pro athlete fitness model who was like a fitness model.
• 5:48
  And now here I am, I'm an old lady.
• 5:50
  I'm washed up.
• 5:51
  I can't even make it 10 minutes.
• 5:52
  Who am I?
• 5:52
  Have I just, am I done?
• 5:53
  And so over time now I'm almost 40 and that was in my twenties.
• 5:57
  I've got some fucking wisdom now.
• 5:59
  And I can say it.
• 6:00
  I can fucking say it because the moms back then that were like, you need to breastfeed and you need to be doing this and all this, get them out of your life right now.
• 6:09
  Nobody knows what's best for you, but you.
• 6:12
  So get these bitches out of your life.
• 6:14
  First and foremost.
• 6:15
  Get back to you.
• 6:16
  You've got to get back in the gym.
• 6:18
  You've got to get back on a regiment.
• 6:19
  That's part of the problem.
• 6:20
  They went through a huge life change.
• 6:23
  No hormones are off.
• 6:24
  They're not sleeping.
• 6:25
  Like it's traumatic having a child is traumatic.
• 6:28
  And that's why my program hot moms is a trauma informed program.
• 6:31
  Cause if you think you can go get on a little diet and workout and go all in as a new mommy or as anybody that's gone through a lot of change, you're fucking kidding yourself, but that's why everybody fails and they keep buying shit.
• 6:43
  They're not getting to the root issue.
• 6:44
  But if you want the root issue, Put shortcut in the chat or if you're listening to this on a podcast, go to the link in my bio, Casey ship.
• 6:51
  com forward slash podcast so now, all right, I wrote this down.
• 6:56
  One thing what people don't think about is a toxic mom or young moms.
• 6:59
  Now, just because age doesn't mean anything.
• 7:01
  You can be an 80 year old idiot.
• 7:04
  Anybody, like ignorant, where you're just, you're very closed minded.
• 7:07
  You're not open to change.
• 7:08
  You're one of those who think, cell phones and AI are the end of us.
• 7:11
  Like you're just very closed minded and you're stuck in the old days, right?
• 7:15
  You sound literally, you have officially made it to be in an old person.
• 7:18
  You're now talking shit about the younger generation.
• 7:20
  No, it's the true.
• 7:21
  No, it's the world you live in.
• 7:22
  There's a bigger world than the little one that you're living in.
• 7:24
  So young moms have a higher chance.
• 7:28
  It's more trauma.
• 7:30
  And some people are like, Oh no, I was supported as a teen mom.
• 7:32
  No.
• 7:32
  Let me just explain.
• 7:34
  So many people.
• 7:35
  And so many women that I work with are like Casey, I've had kids, like when I was a young mom, like a teen or 20 years old.
• 7:41
  And then I had another kid later on in my years when I was late thirties.
• 7:45
  And I'm a better mom now as an older woman than I was younger.
• 7:49
  Now, that's not always the case because my mom, she got on fucking drugs and took off and left us, when she was a late mom, but she had, she's literally part of the reason why I'm here creating a trauma informed program.
• 7:59
  So what, like I said, my content's not always black and white.
• 8:02
  So be, take a deep breath before you want to come at me because I'm never saying like it is this way and whatever.
• 8:08
  This is like my personal life experience and working with thousands of women and energetically helping them clear things out.
• 8:16
  So young moms.
• 8:18
  Okay.
• 8:19
  And if you're a young mom or your mom was a young mom, I want you to try this on for size.
• 8:22
  First of all, you're young.
• 8:24
  You don't even know who you are yet.
• 8:25
  Most honestly, I didn't even begin to know who I was until last year.
• 8:28
  Seriously, unless you go through a feminine course or you're something that's very you're gone down a path of constant growth and evolution, whether you're an entrepreneur or you're just constantly putting yourself out there and getting challenged, or you've gone down the woo path and you've gone into clearing feminine wounds.
• 8:46
  Maybe you start to find out who you are, right?
• 8:50
  But most people don't know who they are, much less at fucking 16, 17, cause we don't know who we are.
• 8:57
  Then you throw a kid in there.
• 8:59
  Not to mention if those of you that grew up like me in Southern Baptist, like if you had a kid out of wedlock, you were a whore, like you didn't get any lower than that.
• 9:06
  That's how I grew up.
• 9:08
  And it took a long time to undo those fucked up beliefs, because that means nothing about your worth.
• 9:12
  It means nothing about your, that's like saying everybody that has an STD is a whore.
• 9:17
  So what if you had sex with one person?
• 9:18
  Do you know I knew a lady?
• 9:19
  I know a lady.
• 9:21
  The first time she had sex, she got pregnant.
• 9:23
  So does that make her a whore?
• 9:24
  No.
• 9:25
  Absolutely not.
• 9:27
  So there's a lot of judgments here, right?
• 9:30
  But I will tell you this, a young mom or a pregnancy that's not planned is even more traumatic because not only does that person not know who they are at a young age, there's all this stigma around.
• 9:43
  And how do I word this?
• 9:45
  You've gone from being a child, No emotional intelligence.
• 9:49
  And now you're bringing another child up really based on the same principles as you grew up with, we all grew up in some trauma and some, a lot of stuff, a lot of programming beliefs.
• 9:59
  Like we're told what our name is.
• 10:01
  We're told what religion to be.
• 10:02
  We're told where to go to school.
• 10:03
  We're told what to learn.
• 10:04
  You have to go back through the process and unlearn all of these things and then create new beliefs that feel better to you.
• 10:10
  That's what we do in hot moms.
• 10:12
  So it's understanding that having kids young.
• 10:18
  You're really just carrying on your same principles of how you were brought up.
• 10:23
  And now that child is literally same as you.
• 10:26
  It's another person, human in the world.
• 10:28
  That's going to have to go through the same thing.
• 10:30
  That's why you see like apples don't fall far from the tree.
• 10:32
  If you've ever watched people that don't do the work the energetic Clearing their mom will get pregnant at 18.
• 10:39
  The kid will get pregnant in her teens.
• 10:41
  Like it's a cycle saying look at your mom.
• 10:43
  Did you get pregnant around the same time?
• 10:45
  Have you had similar, like it's typically like that until this black sheep comes along and breaks the family cycle.
• 10:52
  And those are the women who work with me is you break the cycle.
• 10:55
  Same thing with weight.
• 10:56
  If your mom was fat and your aunt was fat, or somebody in the family was fat.
• 10:58
  Now you're fat.
• 10:59
  And then you got the same health conditions.
• 11:01
  It's because they think the same, they do the same.
• 11:03
  It's just the same.
• 11:05
  That's a toxic mommy.
• 11:07
  You've never done any emotional intelligence work.
• 11:09
  You've never dove into the sisterhood wounds, the feminine wounds.
• 11:13
  You don't know jack shit about who you really are.
• 11:15
  You're just playing in the matrix of you're still just like mommy and daddy's little baby having other babies.
• 11:21
  So if you want to get out of that, I would say do the quiz, definitely do the quiz.
• 11:27
  So you understand which like wounds and What they look like.
• 11:30
  Cause I didn't know any of this.
• 11:32
  I was clueless.
• 11:32
  I had no idea I was codependent.
• 11:33
  Are you kidding me?
• 11:35
  Like I knew if I sat down and somebody asked me questions, I'd be like, Oh yeah.
• 11:39
  But I didn't know I was codependent.
• 11:40
  And life's fucking hard when you're codependent.
• 11:44
  If you would just do it my way, if you would just see it my way, it would be fine.
• 11:48
  That's very codependent or my mood changed today because he just feels off or, every so and so is mad.
• 11:54
  So it ruined my day.
• 11:55
  That's very codependent you need to know what that looks like.
• 11:58
  So you need to take my quiz.
• 11:59
  You could put quiz or shortcut in the comments and I'll send that to you.
• 12:04
  So the sick kid thing, when I saw this, I'm like, Oh my God.
• 12:07
  Yeah.
• 12:09
  Now think about this.
• 12:09
  There's a reason why it's happening.
• 12:11
  And I'm going to give my theory about why women post pictures of their sick kids or their kids in the hospital or, laceration or whatever.
• 12:20
  How would you feel if your family posted a picture of you while you were laid up in the fucking hospital, looking damn it in pain, probably wouldn't like it.
• 12:32
  My husband's.
• 12:33
  Mom passed away a few years ago.
• 12:37
  She was known for beauty.
• 12:38
  She actually went to this beauty school.
• 12:40
  She was a very beautiful woman.
• 12:41
  She always had her makeup done.
• 12:42
  She even hired people to tell her what colors to wear.
• 12:45
  Like this lady was on top of it.
• 12:47
  Gorgeous woman.
• 12:48
  Okay.
• 12:49
  Had a.
• 12:50
  Best friend, which all of the family knew this, her best friend was highly toxic very toxic lady, very jealous of his mom, all these things, just one of those succubus energies.
• 13:00
  It just wants to be around, but the other girl doesn't know whatever toxic trauma bond friendship.
• 13:05
  When his mother passed away, she looked she's dead basically.
• 13:10
  If I look back at my pregnancy pictures, I'm like, my kids even goes, mom, you were so ugly.
• 13:14
  And I'm like, I know, but I wasn't posting those pictures of me in pregnancy because my videos were for, to go through the birth story.
• 13:23
  But my point is you wouldn't want somebody to post pictures of you.
• 13:28
  His mom's friend quote, friend posted a picture of her.
• 13:32
  And posted it everywhere for everyone to see.
• 13:34
  I was like, if I was his mom, I would haunt this bitch for life.
• 13:39
  Cause look at me right now.
• 13:40
  I look like Fido's asshole and I will no makeup.
• 13:43
  But you know what I'm saying?
• 13:44
  It's not about what you look like.
• 13:45
  It's about the intent and respect for human beings.
• 13:49
  That's all.
• 13:50
  It's just human respect.
• 13:51
  And the problem with toxic moms is they don't see their children as human beings.
• 13:55
  They see them as children.
• 13:57
  Toxic moms.
• 13:57
  See their children, as little helpless.
• 14:01
  Powerless, dumb, ignorant things that just want, I know what they think but they don't treat them like human beings.
• 14:09
  It's almost like this child has no rights because they're a child.
• 14:14
  That's what toxic moms treat their kids like, and a lot of toxic moms treat their kids as a pawn, just simply there to help them feel better about themselves.
• 14:22
  Seriously, it's why you'll get some women who have tons of kids.
• 14:26
  It's one of the things that helps them feel needed.
• 14:28
  And, there's no easier way to create little minions than to have daughters for women to have daughters.
• 14:35
  There's your minion right there.
• 14:37
  You can literally all of your projections, all of your pains, everything that's up with you, you can try to fix through your daughter.
• 14:44
  Let's make your daughter the coolest one in the group.
• 14:47
  Cause it means that now you're cool.
• 14:48
  That's a toxic mom, right?
• 14:50
  Toxic moms are, they live through their kids.
• 14:55
  They feel ashamed when their kids underperform it's they get really ashamed and embarrassed themselves.
• 15:02
  That's a dead giveaway of a toxic mother.
• 15:05
  I think right now.
• 15:06
  Especially Trump, toxic moms are just traumatized as fuck.
• 15:10
  I used to be one and I'm still one.
• 15:12
  There's still aspects of me that it's very toxic.
• 15:14
  I own whatever.
• 15:15
  I understand I'll be doing shadow work until we die.
• 15:19
  However, I've done a lot of work and I'm sharing with you what I know, because.
• 15:22
  I was a little girl of a very toxic mommy.
• 15:25
  And I remember I had so much resentment, anger for why she had to be the way she was, but really the best thing she could ever do for me was for her to take care of herself.
• 15:37
  If our moms would just take care of themselves, set goals, focus on in personal growth and focus on their bodies.
• 15:46
  The kids would get what they needed more.
• 15:48
  At the end of the day, we just want to feel connected.
• 15:51
  Okay.
• 15:52
  I'm not alone, but at the expense of other people, we have to gossip, which is a sisterhood wound.
• 15:59
  We have to put others down.
• 16:01
  We got to talk negatively, like how sick our kids are, how negative our situation is just to connect with people.
• 16:08
  And that's shitty, right?
• 16:10
  That's shitty, but we don't know any other way to connect, until you get into programs like hot moms.
• 16:17
  I think that we all just want connection with each other without judgment, humans are meant to have connections.
• 16:25
  But trauma victims, toxic moms.
• 16:30
  They don't know that all we know is alone and interdependence.
• 16:34
  We can do it ourself.
• 16:36
  I'll do it myself because our needs were never met, so I do feel like at the core, and I know at the core root of all toxic traits and toxic moms is just a woman, a little girl who never got what she needed and doesn't know how to give it to herself.
• 16:51
  So she's going to use everyone and everything around her to get what she needs.
• 16:55
  And she'll never fill that hole.
• 16:57
  She's going to try to fill it with food.
• 16:59
  She's going to try to fill it with booze, shopping, plastic surgery, her kids accolades, job titles.
• 17:09
  Money, right?
• 17:11
  All these things.
• 17:13
  Can we just treat them like humans and stop fucking posting pictures of them when they're fucking sick?
• 17:18
  Do you want energy going into your child of more Oh, poor, like poor them and poor them.
• 17:23
  Do you want a lot of pity going towards your child?
• 17:28
  Now, prayers are different positive prayers, but really people love drama.
• 17:32
  How many people do you actually fucking think are going to sit there and speak life into your sick child?
• 17:38
  And a child getting their tonsils and adenoids out is because they feel like a burden and they feel like they're in the way.
• 17:45
  Her way is the best way to feels like she has to take care of her husband.
• 17:49
  Oh, toxic mommy.
• 17:51
  Number fucking 12 is when women treat men like they're incapable.
• 17:56
  Let me get this chair for you.
• 17:57
  Let me order your Amazon for you.
• 17:59
  Let, I have to do this for my husband.
• 18:01
  The fuck?
• 18:03
  Wow.
• 18:04
  If I had a daughter or a daughter in law that treated my sons like they were incapable, my kids better know that she's toxic as fuck.
• 18:12
  Enabling and caretaking is one of the biggest toxic fucking traits.
• 18:17
  It'll keep you sick, fat, resentful, develop cancer, all those things.
• 18:23
  It's crazy.
• 18:24
  And it's impossible, honestly, don't sit here because a lot of people that have so much internalized shame are going to sit here and think they've got to heal and do all these things and heal and heal for years.
• 18:34
  Honestly, we can't, you can't heal every little thing that happened to you.
• 18:39
  You can do the best you can.
• 18:41
  And that's going to count.
• 18:43
  Okay.
• 18:44
  What are your thoughts on bragging your kids up, posting all their accomplishments?
• 18:49
  I love it.
• 18:50
  If it's to share, like we've worked so hard and I've watched him work and I've watched him go through nights of this and self doubt and this and that.
• 19:01
  And he finally did it.
• 19:02
  I'm so inspired.
• 19:04
  My own child's inspiring me like knowing what they had to do to get this, like I'm inspired and I've learned X, Y, Z about it.
• 19:11
  Make, you can make it about you.
• 19:13
  I think if the, it's all about the intention, right?
• 19:15
  Because if you're posting and bragging on your kids, my parents, my grandparents did that.
• 19:20
  My mom was too.
• 19:21
  And that's one of the things they did.
• 19:23
  They had no self worth.
• 19:24
  None, low self esteem.
• 19:27
  So what they do talk up their kids.
• 19:30
  That's all they did was talk up their kids because they were so insecure and hadn't, they were nothing.
• 19:35
  They thought they were nothing.
• 19:37
  Can you give me an example, Jen?
• 19:39
  I'll really just have to see this person.
• 19:42
  I really just have to see what it's about.
• 19:44
  For me personally.
• 19:46
  Trying to think of my kids.
• 19:48
  I want more people to brag.
• 19:50
  I said it.
• 19:51
  I want more people to brag.
• 19:53
  Cat, can we brag a little bit more, Ooh, I remember a toxic trait that I did.
• 19:57
  And I told my stepdaughter, I was so sorry.
• 19:59
  Cause I met her when she was three.
• 20:01
  So I was like, that's why I didn't have kids yet.
• 20:03
  Cause I didn't need to, Oh God.
• 20:06
  But I remember she was looking in the mirror and she said, I'm so pretty.
• 20:09
  I'm so pretty.
• 20:10
  And I was like, Ooh, you don't say that.
• 20:11
  And I have to, I've had to forgive myself for that.
• 20:14
  I've had to do a lot of work on that because I regret that so bad.
• 20:19
  And like now knowing what I know, when I see a little girl say, I'm so pretty.
• 20:22
  I'm like, yes, you are.
• 20:24
  You are gorgeous.
• 20:26
  You are perfect.
• 20:27
  That's how much, that's how nasty I used to be, right?
• 20:32
  It's crazy.
• 20:32
  So yeah, I would have to see like an example of this bragging.
• 20:36
  But yeah, I would say the toxic trait is if they're always bragging, it's because that's their, that's the only worth they have is their children.
• 20:43
  They, they are, they feel so inadequate.
• 20:46
  They have to live through their children.
• 20:49
  So there's that one.
• 20:51
  The last thing is about sick kids.
• 20:53
  So many women these days are such in, they're in so much martyrdom.
• 20:58
  I have special needs kids.
• 20:59
  Like their identity is.
• 21:01
  Hi, I'm so and I'm a special needs mom.
• 21:04
  I'm like, geez.
• 21:05
  Oh God.
• 21:06
  Hate to be your kid.
• 21:07
  Forrest Gump's mom, right?
• 21:09
  Sally Field played Forrest Gump's mom.
• 21:11
  And actually for Hashimoto's, if you want to clear your thyroid issues and your Hashis and all that, Listen, I'm not promising anything.
• 21:17
  All I know is we've had people come out and they don't have it anymore.
• 21:20
  And they go through deep work around the mother in the feminine wounds.
• 21:26
  They clear out those things, the wounded feminine energy, the martyr, and the gossip, the judgment, the cattiness, the always comparing yourself to others, like all that stuff that we all go through jealousy and feeling like you're not enough and that people are better than you, or she's better than you, but she had a kid, same thing that.
• 21:47
  Oh, and toxic moms love drama because they thrive on it because it boosts their dopamine because they're low dopamine because a lot of them grew up emotionally neglected and in toxic environments being emotionally abused themselves, so they don't have a lot of dopamine.
• 22:01
  So drama actually stimulates dopamine.
• 22:04
  So this is why they thrive on drama and sick kids are the best way to stay in that fight or flight, right?
• 22:10
  It's a great way to hide.
• 22:12
  It's a great way to play the victim martyr role, right?
• 22:17
  If you just knew that your words were law and your words were prayers and your words were spells, you would watch how you speak about your child.
• 22:25
  Can we empower our children?
• 22:28
  Right.
• 22:29
  How can we make the best of it?
• 22:31
  But once again, this goes back to that woman, not feeling like she's getting what she needs.
• 22:35
  She just wants somebody to acknowledge how hard she has it and how hard it must be, but nobody's ever going to come give you what you need until you can fucking give you what you need.
• 22:45
  Okay.
• 22:47
  You said, I think I struggle with knowing the appropriate amount to push them in sports or academics.
• 22:54
  I'm working on my self worth issues, but sometimes worry I'm living vicariously through my kids.
• 22:59
  I love your courage and bravery, Jen.
• 23:01
  Like just the fact that you know this shit, you are so far ahead of most women, like just the fact that this shows that you've your heart's in the right place.
• 23:12
  So just keep working on your self worth.
• 23:14
  One of the best ways moms can become a healed mommy and a better mommy and a better human.
• 23:21
  Focus on getting in the best shape ever.
• 23:25
  Don't go all in.
• 23:25
  Like I just went over today, how you could just show up one day at a gym.
• 23:29
  You could just have one day of eating healthy and that would be enough.
• 23:32
  You just focus on the same, just one day a week, until you can get to two days a week, until you can get to three days a week.
• 23:37
  Like I'm telling you, we have, we're just living in this place that we're putting so much pressure on ourselves to perform, but the pressure is coming from a lot of things.
• 23:49
  We don't know how to constantly evolve and grow.
• 23:52
  We create, we have to have pressure because we're addicted to that cycle because we're in that survival fight or flight.
• 23:57
  So until you learn how to get out of that.
• 24:00
  It won't, it's going to always feel extreme highs and lows and all that stuff.
• 24:06
  I'm working on some of that myself right now.
• 24:08
  I was realized like, why am I always creating this pressure?
• 24:11
  And I understand I was recreating the addictive patterns of the way I grew up, but I was like, how can we get out of it?
• 24:17
  It is, it's doing what we're doing now.
• 24:19
  It's putting ourselves out there, signing up with a coach, having accountability, focusing on getting in really good shape and making that happen.
• 24:26
  Starting your business, starting a dance class, do something that puts you out of your comfort zone, cause most women get in the groove.
• 24:34
  They do this, they do that.
• 24:35
  Their day consists of the same things every day of taking care of the kids, doing this work, whatever.
• 24:40
  You've got to break that.
• 24:41
  Cycle, and a lot of people don't want to, it's too painful.
• 24:44
  So what do they do?
• 24:45
  They rather settle with comfort.
• 24:48
  So the best thing, if you want to be a better mom and increase your self worth rocket speed, get your hormones done.
• 24:55
  And I tell you, we got the pathway 120 days strategy when I'm recreating it right now, I've got 10 years of content.
• 25:03
  Those of you, I haven't even announced this.
• 25:04
  I am redoing my whole entire high ticket course.
• 25:08
  And we've got the low ticket course.
• 25:09
  Now the bad bitch and prelaunch, like I am redoing everything.
• 25:14
  Cause we're, I'm not the same, and with that I'm creating, because what I noticed is I had too much information, too much.
• 25:23
  To do, I had a life program in there and these women came in, they were just wanting answers for why they felt the way they felt.
• 25:29
  And they wanted their hormones done.
• 25:29
  I'm like, all right, so I'm going to give you the exact strategy to balance your hormones in a way that enhances fat loss performance without having to do too much shit.
• 25:45
  And I'm going to give that strategy away to everyone.
• 25:48
  I'm just going to give it away, put strategy in the comments.
• 25:50
  If you want it, I'm giving it away and we're actually going to start, believe it or not with debt, we're going to eliminate debt.
• 25:57
  So many women feel cause toxic moms love there.
• 26:00
  A lot of them are scared of money.
• 26:01
  They're there, not enough this and let's don't spend on that.
• 26:05
  It's very toxic, very scarcity way of thinking.
• 26:07
  So we're going to start with debt elimination.
• 26:10
  And we're going to post about it.
• 26:11
  So those will be the two things that we're going to start with, but yeah I'm excited about that, but that's the things on toxic moms.
• 26:17
  This one right here, Lindsay said there can be a downside to bragging about them though, as they grow, if they find their identity and the things always glorified them, like being super good at a sport and then the sport gets taken for one of them or something.
• 26:31
  So here's, it's not your job though, Lindsay and Lindsay's got a great point.
• 26:35
  What she's saying is that if you always, this is where you got to be in aware, like fucking a woke parent.
• 26:41
  And I hate that woke was taken from us in 2020, but parents that are toxic, they're only going to praise their kids when they're doing well.
• 26:50
  Nobody teaches kids that.
• 26:52
  So a lot of times parents will, praise the kids for Exceeding, excelling.
• 26:57
  This is a big masculine wound as well.
• 26:59
  Men, girls are still to this day, trying to make daddy proud, right?
• 27:05
  You ain't even a woman yet.
• 27:06
  You don't even know who you are.
• 27:07
  If you're still trying to make daddy proud, seriously.
• 27:10
  So we got to get that right.
• 27:11
  We got to clear that daddy shit.
• 27:12
  We got to clear that wounded masculine, but what she's saying is true.
• 27:17
  If we always brag on them, when they do something well, this is what creates adults that have to be perfect because they were only given love and attention when they did something well, and they got scolded and shamed when they fucked up.
• 27:30
  You got to make sure that.
• 27:32
  You honor them as a human.
• 27:33
  Hey, how often do you tell them that they're perfect, that you're proud of them for sitting with that heart emotion, you're proud of how they handled being sad about their friend, being mean to them you're happy that they didn't let it mean anything about them, so I do think that's an important thing about the kids, and I think you need to also acknowledge, to understand there's no negative or positive.
• 27:56
  That's, if you only understood that our kids are nothing more than a mirror.
• 28:00
  Yes, they're their own person, but they have our DNA and they're in our field.
• 28:07
  We created them and everything.
• 28:10
  It means school.
• 28:11
  If they go to government school and church and all that, sure, they're being programmed and their friends, but mostly we are programming them.
• 28:17
  So whatever they got going on, teenage issues, whatever it's you, I don't know what to tell you, but when you understand, you can look at what's going on and go, where is this within me?
• 28:29
  How can I be there for them?
• 28:30
  If it's not mine, cause they are their own person.
• 28:32
  How can I be there for them in just a human way without my projections?
• 28:35
  And if you want to know what that's go download the app pie.
• 28:39
  Private AI and just watch how if you were to like, let's say your kid got into some shit and you're pissed off and you're ashamed or we can't believe they did that or whatever, go into pie and either have your kid, talk it out and probably won't be able to, cause you're.
• 28:53
  You're not a safe person, but if you went into the app and acted like them and say, I fucked up today, I did this at school and got in trouble.
• 29:02
  Watch how that app, that artificial intelligence will respond back to the kid, it's really interesting because this app has no emotion and emotion not empathy, like it has empathy, but there's no projected emotion.
• 29:16
  Coming out and it's beautiful.
• 29:18
  Like human being I love the aspect that pie can give to our kids.
• 29:22
  But anyway, thanks for bringing that up, Lindsay.
• 29:24
  That's a great thing about toxic moms.
• 29:27
  Lastly, it's all about your friends and here's the deal.
• 29:29
  I want a lot of you to know this when you have kids, especially two, three, and they're close in age, you are, you're very vulnerable.
• 29:41
  You're very vulnerable.
• 29:42
  You're almost like you can be taken down easy they're surrounded by toxic women.
• 29:48
  And it's really hard for them to see it.
• 29:51
  But I know that when I had my kids, I had some of the worst clients because I had no boundaries.
• 29:57
  I was so tired.
• 29:59
  I was, so just trauma, I was in like fight or flight, trying to take care of the new kids.
• 30:03
  I was just in fight or flight and I was trauma fight, right?
• 30:06
  And it allowed people to come into my life that normally if I'm strong and I have my like protective barriers up, I would've never let them come into my life.
• 30:15
  So no matter what you're going through.
• 30:18
  Whether it's a big life change, a move, kids, a death in the family or whatever, you need to make sure that a, you're doing your internal work.
• 30:27
  You're doing your emotional body work and you're doing the work to make your body strong.
• 30:31
  You're taking care of yourself the most you can.
• 30:33
  This is why coaches are so important.
• 30:35
  I can't tell you how many women.
• 30:37
  Come into our program and then something bad happens.
• 30:39
  Somebody dies or their mom goes to hospital or something.
• 30:42
  And they're like, if I didn't have your program, when I signed up, I don't know where I would be.
• 30:46
  You've got to make sure you've got some kind of safe place, whether it's a counselor, a therapist, life coach, that's what we do in hot moms.
• 30:53
  A fitness coach, we have that in hot moms, like you just need some positive thing, and you've got to make sure that during that time, you're doing extra meditation work or extra work on yourself so that, You're not so tired.
• 31:05
  You let people cross your boundaries, I guess is what I'm trying to say.
• 31:08
  So just be aware that when you've got a lot going on, it's easier for people to penetrate your aura and penetrate you as a person so just keep up boundaries.
• 31:18
  Have strong boundaries, hold yourself accountable.
• 31:20
  But the most important thing to, for not being a toxic mom is just take care of yourself.
• 31:26
  If you struggle with weight ups and downs, your health, your energy, like just view it as you're being toxic.
• 31:32
  That's, you've got to start looking at it that way.
• 31:33
  When you start to let yourself slip and you're running around, you're overweight or you're underweight, or you're stressed out all the time, you're stressed about your business, whatever's going on, you're also not giving.
• 31:44
  What you need yourself and also your kids and your partner and your job and your clients or whatever else.
• 31:48
  So let that be an indicator to not beat up on yourself.
• 31:52
  Cause that's not going to get you anywhere either.
• 31:54
  Instead, let it be a road sign that says, Hey.
• 31:59
  I think it's time.
• 32:00
  You need to go either book the session or buy the program or start going to the gym.
• 32:06
  You need a program, like just use it as a get back on track.
• 32:09
  I got off and I was working late and I was just, I had no fucking work.
• 32:13
  Work boundaries trying to do this stuff on business.
• 32:16
  We're switching the side.
• 32:17
  It was just odd.
• 32:18
  And I fell off and then I realized like, Oh my God.
• 32:21
  I just got to get back on my boundaries.
• 32:22
  It's not about falling off a wagon.
• 32:24
  Stop saying that you went through a huge life change.
• 32:27
  There's a remedy to get my shit together.
• 32:29
  So I'm not one of those fat moms, and I'm here.
• 32:32
  It is two years down the road and I still can't lose the weight.
• 32:34
  Get the remedy get the right hormone doctors, get the right strategy, the emotional intelligence work, the new mommy work, the new wound clearing, the new feminine, masculine stuff, you're literally a new you every day.
• 32:48
  So pay attention, be aware.
• 32:52
  The key, it comes down to just awareness.
• 32:55
  If something's going on in your life, you're not well, you're not feeling good, your body's out of shape.
• 33:01
  It's a dead giveaway that you need to do some inside work.
• 33:05
  Okay.
• 33:06
  That is all I'm going to say.
• 33:07
  I'm so glad we got to do this because I've been talking about it for a week.
• 33:11
  I know you want help.
• 33:13
  I posted the hormone sheet yesterday.
• 33:14
  If you want that I would say you'd probably need the bundle, honestly just drop in the comments shortcut or what was the other word shortcut?
• 33:26
  Food test that way it's going to trigger.
• 33:29
  I've got some questions.
• 33:29
  I'm going to send you like, I want to know exactly where you're struggling.
• 33:33
  If you've got any blood work, we can check it out.
• 33:35
  Give you some of our sheets the strategy sheet.
• 33:37
  Exactly what order to go in give you the place to get your food test done, all those fun things, because you need to start working on your body.
• 33:45
  You need to start working on your mind, body, soul connection, and you feeling good.
• 33:49
  So that you're not a toxic mommy.
• 33:52
  Okay.
• 33:53
  Yes.
• 33:53
  I try to teach my kids to see their own growth and that we're still learning instead of trying to reach for perfection, owning our stuff is huge.
• 34:03
  My kids are getting so good at seeing it.
• 34:05
  It means you're getting good at seeing it.
• 34:07
  You are when women understand it's a matriarch.
• 34:09
  It is all about the matriarch.
• 34:11
  Okay.
• 34:11
  Things will change and shift in your life.
• 34:14
  So give yourself credit as well.
• 34:16
  And also your kids.
• 34:17
  So yeah, that says I love this.
• 34:20
  My kids are getting good at seeing like an x ray machine into people's souls and how to really how they really are not.
• 34:28
  I love it.
• 34:29
  Your courses have helped me not only with my own stuff, but in how I teach my kids how to be human, it should be basic things taught in my opinion.
• 34:36
  Thank you.
• 34:36
  You're so welcome.
• 34:37
  It helps so much when you're going through, shit like this or tax season, we're not taught this Lindsay, because if people knew how to be human, like if we had what we teach in hot moms, this will be a different place.
• 34:50
  Can you imagine what this world would be like if we all knew how to validate our own souls and how to not judge ourselves, support ourselves, back ourselves.
• 34:59
  And it was just, we knew that we had to make sure we were happy first in order to have a happy life and kids.
• 35:06
  And the reason like we struggle with weight.
• 35:09
  Nobody would struggle with weight or health or money because we would all be tapped into our heart center and helping people, helping ourselves and understanding that.
• 35:17
  And I guess that's my main job is to show you how I found that path, how I got on that path.
• 35:23
  And it's all there in hot moms, but I'm super pumped about the new 120 days, 20 day strategy for the hormone blueprint, because.
• 35:31
  It's everything.
• 35:33
  When you get to see like your hormones and your neurotransmitters, and you start to understand why things have been so hard for you, why the diets didn't work, why things are such a struggle.
• 35:43
  Wow.
• 35:44
  It's just a whole new world.
• 35:46
  Awesome.
• 35:46
  All right.
• 35:47
  I'll talk to you soon.
• 35:48
  So put it down in the comments.
• 35:49
  If you want that checklist put down in there put what I say?
• 35:53
  Shortcut.
• 35:54
  Yes.
• 35:54
  I just had this talk with my kids.
• 35:56
  While she was struggling with a math problem, thank God, a homeschool.
• 36:01
  Okay.
• 36:02
  Talk to you soon.
• 36:04
  Bye.