Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #81| Overcome Self-Sabotage Without Overwhelm Using the Power of Journaling

Transcript

#81| Overcome Self-Sabotage Without Overwhelm Using the Power of Journaling · Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing

• 0:00
  Michelle Gauthier: If I'm just focused on this one thing that he does wrong, that's driving me crazy, and if I don't do that and I'm just living my life and I don't focus on that, then the result would be I think I'd feel happier.
• 0:10
  Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
• 0:22
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former overwhelmed working woman and current life coach.
• 0:27
  Michelle Gauthier: On this show we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
• 0:39
  Michelle Gauthier: Hi friend, Thanks for joining today.
• 0:43
  Michelle Gauthier: We have a really cool and interesting episode.
• 0:45
  Michelle Gauthier: Today I'm talking with Samantha Hawley.
• 0:47
  Michelle Gauthier: She is a journaling coach and we're going to be talking about self-sabotage.
• 0:52
  Michelle Gauthier: She will describe to us the 10 types of self-sabotage.
• 0:56
  Michelle Gauthier: Who knew there were 10?
• 0:57
  Michelle Gauthier: One of them is procrastination.
• 0:59
  Michelle Gauthier: I totally didn't think about that as self-sabotage, but it makes so much sense.
• 1:03
  Michelle Gauthier: She'll help you figure out which one is holding you back the most and then give you some suggested journal prompts to get to the bottom of that and some other just really simple, practical strategies to break free from self-sabotage.
• 1:15
  Michelle Gauthier: Because who wants to waste time with self-sabotage when you could just be, you know, doing all the things you actually want to do in the world.
• 1:22
  Michelle Gauthier: But before we jump in, I just want to remind you that group coaching is going to start on November 9th and that I am going to be opening the registration next week.
• 1:33
  Michelle Gauthier: So if you're interested in doing group coaching, it's called the Good Life.
• 1:38
  Michelle Gauthier: It's a 12-week program.
• 1:40
  Michelle Gauthier: We are just finishing up with one group right now.
• 1:43
  Michelle Gauthier: People are getting amazing results and the camaraderie and the support among women is just one of my favorite parts about it.
• 1:50
  Michelle Gauthier: So if you love what I talk about here on the podcast and you want to meet some other women who are like-minded and who are also trying to feel less overwhelmed and less stressed and really be present and enjoy the good life, this is the place for you.
• 2:04
  Michelle Gauthier: The links in the show notes if you get on the pre-registration list, you will be the first to be notified when you can sign up and you'll get special pricing.
• 2:12
  Michelle Gauthier: So do that today.
• 2:13
  Michelle Gauthier: Now let's jump in, All right.
• 2:15
  Michelle Gauthier: So welcome, Samantha Hawley, to the podcast today.
• 2:18
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm so excited to talk to you and I'm so curious when you sent over your information to me, when you said that you really work with clients through journaling, that you're a journal coach.
• 2:29
  Michelle Gauthier: I love journaling and I can't wait to hear all about that, so tell me how you got to be a journaling coach, and then we'll jump into self-sabotage, which is such a great topic for overwhelmed working women.
• 2:41
  Samantha Hawley: Thank you for having me.
• 2:42
  Samantha Hawley: I'm so excited to be here.
• 2:44
  Samantha Hawley: I journaled - I almost say that in air quotes because I've journaled for a while, but it started off writing affirmations and gratitude, just really simple 'I am' statements, right, or like, I'm grateful for my health, this sunny day, etc.
• 3:02
  Samantha Hawley: So that is a form of journaling.
• 3:04
  Samantha Hawley: But when I talk about journal coaching and really the transformative experience that I now have with journaling, it started when I became a mom.
• 3:16
  Samantha Hawley: My son was two months old.
• 3:18
  Samantha Hawley: I still remember the day - it was December 19th of 2020.
• 3:21
  Samantha Hawley: Oh my gosh.
• 3:23
  Samantha Hawley: I know, right?
• 3:23
  Samantha Hawley: Good memory! Must have been a big day.
• 3:26
  Samantha Hawley: At one point I looked back because I was like, when was this that it all went down?
• 3:31
  Samantha Hawley: But I just felt overwhelmed as a new mom and I remember sitting on the couch with my husband at the time and I just had these emotions swirling on in my head of overwhelm and I don't know, feeling like there was so much on my plate and I was like, I don't know what this is, I don't really know what I'm feeling, I just need it out of my brain, is kind of what it felt like.
• 3:56
  Samantha Hawley: And so I excused myself off of the couch and I was like I'm just going to go journal, I'm going to write it out.
• 4:01
  Samantha Hawley: And I locked myself in my spare bedroom because I was like, I don't know if I'm going to cry, I don't know what's going to happen, and I didn't want him to walk in on me and so I opened up just like a blank notebook.
• 4:13
  Samantha Hawley: I wrote, Vent Sesh on the top of my paper and it ended up being three pages and when I looked back at the date, I remember writing, I feel like I'm dropping all of the balls.
• 4:26
  Samantha Hawley: That's just how I started.
• 4:26
  Samantha Hawley: And I talked about dropping the balls of motherhood and owning a business and being a wife and all of the things.
• 4:34
  Samantha Hawley: And then I just - it truly felt like I was just venting, but by the end, there were no solutions, but I just felt so validated.
• 4:42
  Samantha Hawley: I was able to validate my own emotions and get clarity on what it is that I wanted and maybe even get like baby steps, like micro steps, towards what it is that I wanted.
• 4:54
  Samantha Hawley: And it just felt so good and reassuring.
• 4:58
  Samantha Hawley: And that was just the start and I was like this feels good, like I want more of this.
• 5:02
  Samantha Hawley: And I didn't start journaling consistently after that, but it was the start of my own personal therapy almost, and I knew I wanted more of it.
• 5:11
  Samantha Hawley: And eventually I started journaling more consistently and doing time-lapse videos on my Instagram stories and fast forward to when my son was five months, my husband at the time moved back to my hometown.
• 5:27
  Samantha Hawley: We were living in the Outer Banks, North Carolina.
• 5:29
  Samantha Hawley: We moved back up to New York State, where I'm from.
• 5:33
  Samantha Hawley: We ended up getting a divorce when my son was nine months, which journaling became like my go-to therapy source.
• 5:40
  Samantha Hawley: Plus, I was going to therapy and, yeah, people just started reaching out to me about how it appeared to be such a difficult time, which it definitely was, yet I was able to also appear like I was doing okay and almost having a glow up at the same time, and they were wondering how I was doing it, and asking for journaling prompts and whatnot.
• 6:02
  Samantha Hawley: And I was like, maybe there is something to the way that I'm journaling that isn't normal, like it's not just a simple journal prompt of like, how are you today?
• 6:11
  Samantha Hawley: Or like, what are you grateful for?
• 6:13
  Samantha Hawley: And so that's where I kind of got the idea of maybe I can help more women, specifically women who are struggling in motherhood and overwhelmed and busy and just like kind of feeling like they're maybe lost but just triggered and emotional and don't know where to go.
• 6:29
  Samantha Hawley: Maybe I can help that woman through it.
• 6:32
  Michelle Gauthier: I love that so much.
• 6:34
  Michelle Gauthier: I think if you look at the list of the most stressful things in life, having a baby, moving, and getting divorced would definitely be in the top five.
• 6:43
  Michelle Gauthier: If you could have thrown a new job in there - did you have to get a new job too?
• 6:48
  Samantha Hawley: I started my own new business, so yes, there you go.
• 6:52
  Michelle Gauthier: Wow, we have a very similar story.
• 6:53
  Michelle Gauthier: That's just very interesting.
• 6:55
  Michelle Gauthier: We'll put a pin in that, but I think for you to even feel sort of okay during all of those things happening at the same time, that is just absolutely amazing.
• 7:07
  Michelle Gauthier: I can't wait to hear about it.
• 7:09
  Michelle Gauthier: So then, how does self-sabotage play in with this, because that was the topic that we kind of had teed up for today.
• 7:17
  Michelle Gauthier: Did you find yourself self-sabotaging a lot?
• 7:21
  Michelle Gauthier: Or, as you started giving other women journal prompts, did you notice that?
• 7:31
  Samantha Hawley: Yeah, so there are there's actually 10 different types of self-sabotage, okay, and throughout my life I've known that I procrastinate and I didn't - before learning about self-sabotage I didn't know, like, I knew that I procrastinated and it didn't feel good, I knew that about myself and, if I'm honest, kind of bringing it back to my relationship, I kind of had this voice in my head of like, I shouldn't marry this man, right, like even before I got married.
• 7:57
  Samantha Hawley: And then, like when I was married, before having a child with him, I was like, this just doesn't feel right and but he'll change when we have a kid, XY Z will happen.
• 8:08
  Samantha Hawley: So I almost, looking back, feel like I was self-sabotaging myself then by procrastinating.
• 8:15
  Samantha Hawley: But even with work stuff, when I get overwhelmed, I'm the type of person that the type of saboteur that it is, is not called procrastination, it's called avoidance or the avoider.
• 8:28
  Samantha Hawley: And so I'm the type of person that like, hides, I like want to go in a corner and like just hide from the world for a minute or take a nap or like pretend like it's not there.
• 8:38
  Samantha Hawley: But there's another type of self-sabotage where you're the hyperachiever, when you feel threatened or whatever the big emotion is, you want to go, go, go.
• 8:49
  Samantha Hawley: You achieve to feel good.
• 8:54
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm raising my hand.
• 8:54
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, yes, correct, that's me.
• 8:57
  Samantha Hawley: Yes, one of my best friends is the hyperachiever too.
• 9:00
  Samantha Hawley: My second one is the people pleaser.
• 9:03
  Samantha Hawley: People might be able to relate to that.
• 9:06
  Samantha Hawley: There's so, there's - what else?
• 9:08
  Samantha Hawley: The hyper rational, so people that might rationalize -
• 9:11
  Samantha Hawley: I guess I'm a little bit of that too - like, rationalizing more so than relating to the emotions that are actually happening on the inside, the controller, the victim, the stickler, so many different kinds.
• 9:23
  Samantha Hawley: So the first step is kind of thinking, where in your life do you not feel good?
• 9:29
  Samantha Hawley: And there's actually a quiz that you can take that will tell you what it is.
• 9:33
  Samantha Hawley: But thinking about what doesn't feel good in your life - and for me I knew it always comes back to procrastination, specifically whenever I feel overwhelmed or busy, which I know a lot of your listeners feel - for me it's that procrastination, it just sticks out like a sore thumb.
• 9:49
  Samantha Hawley: And so that's the first step, and I started journaling through that because I was so frustrated.
• 9:55
  Samantha Hawley: I was like, why am I doing this?
• 9:56
  Samantha Hawley: I'm self-aware enough to see it, I know that it's happening.
• 10:01
  Samantha Hawley: And so I just started to journal through that, and that's what I now help women with is being able to first identify it and then journal through that so that you get some clarity.
• 10:14
  Samantha Hawley: And then my favorite part of the way that I journal is ending with action steps, so that you're getting to the root of why it is that you're doing the thing that you're doing or feeling the way that you're feeling.
• 10:25
  Samantha Hawley: Because I think if you don't do that - which some people do skip over that step, they don't want to get stuck in that.
• 10:31
  Samantha Hawley: But I think if we skip over that, you're missing a big piece of why you're doing it and it's so much easier to go back there.
• 10:39
  Samantha Hawley: But if you can understand why you're doing that, you're not going to want to go back there.
• 10:43
  Samantha Hawley: So when you tie it to working through it and at the end having those action steps, it's so much more solidified.
• 10:50
  Samantha Hawley: It's like you're creating in this new habit for yourself, versus just jumping to the ending point of like okay, this is my new habit, so you don't want to go back to the beginning.
• 11:01
  Michelle Gauthier: Oh, my gosh.
• 11:02
  Michelle Gauthier: So okay, I have several follow-up questions, but the first one is where can they take that quiz, the quiz you mentioned, to find out what their self-sabotage type is?
• 11:12
  Samantha Hawley: It's a long link, so I'll send it to you and you can include it in the show notes, maybe.
• 11:16
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, okay, perfect.
• 11:17
  Michelle Gauthier: I love that idea of just getting awareness of what's going on there.
• 11:21
  Michelle Gauthier: And then, second, I just want to reiterate, because I feel 100% in agreement with you, that the only way out is through.
• 11:29
  Michelle Gauthier: And if you don't take the time to figure out, why am I doing this?
• 11:34
  Michelle Gauthier: What are the emotions tied to it?
• 11:36
  Michelle Gauthier: A lot of times we try to slap a new habit on there.
• 11:38
  Michelle Gauthier: So if you've been a procrastinator your whole life and you're like, oh, I just need to get up earlier, and then it doesn't work, it's like, yes, because you're not addressing the real thing.
• 11:48
  Michelle Gauthier: So I love that the modality that you're using to help people get awareness to this is journaling.
• 11:54
  Michelle Gauthier: So I just want to go through an example with you so that we can solidify the steps that you're talking about.
• 12:01
  Michelle Gauthier: So I just had a client yesterday and we discovered that she was self-sabotaging and this is a pattern that we have discovered.
• 12:09
  Michelle Gauthier: So what happens for her just at a high level is, when things are going well, she does something to mess it up.
• 12:16
  Michelle Gauthier: So she'll nitpick a situation or she will find a problem and really focus on that and kind of sabotage the situation.
• 12:26
  Michelle Gauthier: So she kind of makes up - I'm putting words in her mouth, but I'm giving you my opinion - she'll kind of make up or really focus on something really specific and turn it into a bad thing.
• 12:37
  Michelle Gauthier: So if she came to you and said, like what am I supposed to do with this, will you just use that example and kind of take us through the steps that you would use?
• 12:45
  Samantha Hawley: Yes, so with that, my first question is if you weren't doing that, what would you be doing instead?
• 12:53
  Samantha Hawley: So if you weren't focused on the nitpicking and whatever it is that you're picking apart, what would you be doing instead?
• 13:00
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay.
• 13:01
  Michelle Gauthier: So let's use the example of - I'm going to turn it to myself because I don't want to speak for my clients.
• 13:06
  Michelle Gauthier: So let's just say I'm dating someone and I'm getting super focused on all of the wrong things about that person.
• 13:15
  Michelle Gauthier: So if I wasn't focusing on that, what I would be doing instead is like I don't know, living my life focusing on the good things, just not that feels like it would feel better.
• 13:25
  Michelle Gauthier: So that would be my answer for that one.
• 13:29
  Samantha Hawley: And so if you were doing that, living your life, focusing on the good, what would that lead to?
• 13:36
  Michelle Gauthier: A lot more just happiness, because I think when you focus on the bad things - and I mean you gave an earlier example - we can't ignore the bad things.
• 13:50
  Michelle Gauthier: So it's not a procrastination thing, it's like literally nitpicking trying to find something wrong.
• 13:53
  Michelle Gauthier: So if I'm just focused on this one thing that he does wrong, that's driving me crazy, and if I don't do that and I'm just living my life and I don't focus on that, then the result would be I think I'd feel happier.
• 14:07
  Samantha Hawley: And the next question and this is the one that might trip you up, it trips some people up because it's kind of, it's the flip, right, it's where you start to think a little bit differently, is what would that mean or how would it make you or other people feel?
• 14:21
  Samantha Hawley: So if you were happier, like living your best life, obviously, how that would make you feel is much happier.
• 14:31
  Samantha Hawley: But kind of seeing it from a different perspective, could that make somebody else uncomfortable?
• 14:38
  Samantha Hawley: That is, keeping you safe by keeping you at your current happiness level.
• 14:43
  Michelle Gauthier: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
• 14:44
  Michelle Gauthier: I see exactly what you're saying.
• 14:45
  Michelle Gauthier: So if I'm out to dinner with all my girlfriends and everyone's complaining about their husband and I'm happy and I'm not focusing on that and I'm like everything's great, everything is great with me, I feel like that could make them feel uncomfortable and me feel uncomfortable.
• 15:00
  Samantha Hawley: It's like complaining is part of the culture there, right, and you almost fit in by participating in that.
• 15:06
  Samantha Hawley: So if you can't participate, then you're almost like losing love.
• 15:11
  Samantha Hawley: You're like missing out on that connection too.
• 15:12
  Samantha Hawley: Yeah.
• 15:14
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, exactly that makes so much sense.
• 15:17
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm thinking, too, of all the women listening who are overwhelmed and how, when you run into somebody like another woman and you say, how are you?
• 15:26
  Michelle Gauthier: And they're like, oh my gosh, I'm so crazy busy, everything's insane, I have way too much to do.
• 15:30
  Michelle Gauthier: When you unsubscribe from that message from your brain, people say, are you just crazy?
• 15:38
  Michelle Gauthier: And I'll be like, oh no, I almost don't want to say it, I almost want to play along and be like, yes, oh my gosh, things are so insane, whatever, when they're not.
• 15:51
  Michelle Gauthier: So I get exactly what you're saying.
• 15:52
  Michelle Gauthier: It's like you're being part of this sort of subculture and agreeing to talk in the same way.
• 15:56
  Michelle Gauthier: But I think, yeah, it would make other people maybe feel uncomfortable if I was just like, no, I'm good.
• 16:01
  Samantha Hawley: Right, yes.
• 16:02
  Samantha Hawley: And so from there, once you're able to identify that, that's like the root of like, oh well, almost like recognizing that for what it is, like that's silly, like you're keeping yourself small, like in keeping yourself from all of this happiness to make your friends feel better, or like in my very quick example of procrastination, I had the realization of like what would I be doing if I weren't procrastinating?
• 16:26
  Samantha Hawley: I would be taking action in my business or I wouldn't be watching reality TV, I would be doing the dishes and making my home nicer and doing the things that would make me feel good, and, when it came down to it, I would be doing the things that would create an environment and doing the actions that would make me more money.
• 16:45
  Samantha Hawley: And what would make me more money made me feel like I would be earning more than my parents did, and that made me feel like they would feel less than and that's a big thing for me is when other people feel less than me, or when I feel bigger than the other person, and so I like stunt my own growth and so kind of getting to that point where you can flip it, and it might not be the case every single time, so there's other prompts for that.
• 17:13
  Samantha Hawley: But if that is the case, which I'd say, 90% of the time, there's that story underneath that we don't know, that we're telling ourselves and then from there, that's when there's really five different approaches that you can take.
• 17:27
  Samantha Hawley: The first approach is empathize with yourself or the other person, depending on the situation.
• 17:33
  Samantha Hawley: And empathize is just show yourself some love or show the other person some love.
• 17:38
  Samantha Hawley: Really see the situation for what it is, give yourself some grace.
• 17:41
  Samantha Hawley: The other one is explore.
• 17:43
  Samantha Hawley: You might be able to just explore a new solution, explore new opportunities.
• 17:48
  Samantha Hawley: So in your client situation, that might be a good one, like things are going well, so like put a pin in the nitpickiness and just explore new solutions if she is in a position where she actually needs to be looking for new opportunities.
• 18:02
  Samantha Hawley: Or the next one is innovate.
• 18:05
  Samantha Hawley: That's where she could get creative right, like look outside the box.
• 18:09
  Samantha Hawley: Or the fourth one, which might also be good for your client, is navigate, and this is not navigating in terms of like innovation, but it's more so your purpose and your North Star kind of approach.
• 18:22
  Samantha Hawley: So she might just be feeling disconnected from her purpose and, when things are going well, kind of tuning back into your North Star and your internal compass and realizing this is where you're supposed to be and just really sinking into that feeling and knowing that this is where you are, this is where you're meant to be.
• 18:45
  Samantha Hawley: Like now go, serve more people in that way.
• 18:47
  Samantha Hawley: And then the last option is activate.
• 18:51
  Samantha Hawley: So for procrastination, for me this is like the okay, now take, go from contemplation and overthinking and overwhelmed to now just go do something.
• 19:00
  Samantha Hawley: Like take the first step.
• 19:02
  Samantha Hawley: So for procrastination, it's now go do it.
• 19:05
  Samantha Hawley: Go activate in some way.
• 19:08
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, okay, perfect.
• 19:09
  Michelle Gauthier: So you mentioned that at the end of your journaling you put action steps.
• 19:13
  Michelle Gauthier: So would that be like where you choose one of those options and then you write out like I'm going to do this by then, or something like that, or how does that work?
• 19:22
  Samantha Hawley: Yep, yeah.
• 19:22
  Samantha Hawley: So at the end of my journal entry, when I was actually journaling through procrastination, I said, okay, so what can I do that would make me feel better and get me to do something?
• 19:33
  Samantha Hawley: And I wrote down - I like to write down some bigger things, like maybe a project that I was working on, but then also really tiny things.
• 19:40
  Samantha Hawley: So an example of that is sometimes I'm helping my clients through relationship stuff, and so one action is like having a conversation.
• 19:51
  Samantha Hawley: However, that feels really big and scary sometimes, and so I help them break it down.
• 19:57
  Samantha Hawley: And one action is like outlining what you want to talk about.
• 20:03
  Samantha Hawley: Because if you're anything like me, you start the conversation, you say your opening line of like, we need to talk, right, I'd like to say something.
• 20:10
  Samantha Hawley: You just say something to open it up, but then you forget what you want to talk about or you forget your main points.
• 20:15
  Samantha Hawley: So one action is just outlining what it is that you want to talk about.
• 20:19
  Samantha Hawley: The next action step is reaching out to whoever it is and asking them hey, can we talk on this day and do you want to reach out by text or email or when they get home at nighttime?
• 20:33
  Samantha Hawley: So coming up with that plan and then the third step is actually having the conversation.
• 20:39
  Samantha Hawley: So it just breaks it down like micro steps, so it seems doable and things you're actually going to do and like you can cross off and inch towards that end goal.
• 20:49
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, I love that.
• 20:50
  Michelle Gauthier: And if it feels too big, break it down.
• 20:52
  Michelle Gauthier: And if that feels too big, break it down until you can get yourself to take action on it.
• 20:57
  Michelle Gauthier: I love that.
• 20:58
  Michelle Gauthier: It feels like you can cover so much with that.
• 21:00
  Michelle Gauthier: Do you have like a free journal prompts or is there something where can people go to get an example of how to journal, or should they set up time with you?
• 21:12
  Samantha Hawley: Yeah, I have a free resource because I didn't realize how many people almost felt afraid to start journaling because they didn't know how.
• 21:21
  Samantha Hawley: So I have a free resource called how to Start Journaling.
• 21:24
  Samantha Hawley: So if any of your listeners feel like they don't know how to start or aren't starting because they feel like they won't be consistent, the approach is really simple and it'll get you to start showing up.
• 21:37
  Samantha Hawley: So I can share that link with you.
• 21:38
  Samantha Hawley: It's three simple steps that'll get you to show up and it'll get you to feel something at the end.
• 21:43
  Samantha Hawley: That's what I'm all about with journal prompts.
• 21:45
  Samantha Hawley: It's not my prompts aren't like, I saw this one prompt once and it was, reflect back on a time you were at a pool and what did that mean to you and that might trigger something for somebody.
• 21:57
  Samantha Hawley: But for me, I'm like if I'm going to spend my time journaling, I want it to directly impact how I feel and make something inside of me shift for the better or just help me understand myself better.
• 22:09
  Samantha Hawley: So a lot of the prompts that I have and there are prompts inside of the How to Start Journaling Guide will connect with you directly on whatever season you're in.
• 22:18
  Samantha Hawley: So that's what you'll experience through that guide.
• 22:22
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, okay, great.
• 22:23
  Michelle Gauthier: So I love journaling myself and I have many journals, too many journals, and I've tried to do it - I have like two conflicting values.
• 22:34
  Michelle Gauthier: One is efficiency and the other one is like beauty and creativity, and so I want to make, like this, beautiful journal, but also I want it to be efficient.
• 22:44
  Michelle Gauthier: So for a while I tried to do it and I did it for maybe a month or two on my computer.
• 22:48
  Michelle Gauthier: I would journal on my computer and type it and I just found for me personally that I did not feel the feelings shifts, like you're talking about, as much when I typed it.
• 23:00
  Michelle Gauthier: What are your thoughts on that of actually writing stuff out versus typing?
• 23:13
  Samantha Hawley: That is a great question, and there's actually research on a bigger emotional shift when you're physically writing versus typing.
• 23:16
  Samantha Hawley: However, a lot of people think that if they can't write, they won't journal at all, and so I think typing is better than nothing at all, and I actually did create a digital journal a few months ago for that reason.
• 23:28
  Samantha Hawley: I was hearing from a lot of people that they would type if they could, but they can't, so they won't, and I'm like well, do something.
• 23:35
  Samantha Hawley: And so in my digital journal I feel like digital typing in any sense is really good for quick brain dumping is what I call it an emotional brain dump.
• 23:47
  Samantha Hawley: I love doing this.
• 23:49
  Samantha Hawley: If this is the first time that you've journaled in a long time, you've got a lot of stuff on your brain.
• 23:53
  Samantha Hawley: I'm sure if you're overwhelmed and again, if it's been a while, you can write for a while, which your hand would probably get tired.
• 24:01
  Samantha Hawley: So, just brain dumping, all of this stuff, and or just like jotting down your to-do list and like organizing and like feeling organized and like you have a game plan for how you want to feel the next day.
• 24:12
  Samantha Hawley: So I think that's really good to type out.
• 24:15
  Samantha Hawley: But yeah, I think tapping into emotions and feelings by writing is really helpful, because I'm even talking slower as I'm saying this, because when you're writing, you process things slower and it's almost like you're talking to yourself.
• 24:31
  Samantha Hawley: Your internal self is talking to you as you're writing, you're processing things slower, which is very helpful.
• 24:39
  Samantha Hawley: You're coming to actual conclusions and actual aha moments and answering your own questions.
• 24:46
  Samantha Hawley: I truly feel like it's your own therapy when you're writing it out and you're giving yourself that time to slow down.
• 24:53
  Samantha Hawley: I always say, like overwhelmed women, the biggest mistake that we have is that we're so busy, especially as moms and working moms, that we think we don't have time to slow down.
• 25:04
  Samantha Hawley: But it's the slowing down that creates more time for us, because we're able to clear our brains and clear our schedules.
• 25:12
  Samantha Hawley: Even Our schedules and to-do lists can stay the exact same, but just adding in journaling creates that internal peace and calm and makes everything else feel easier.
• 25:24
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, oh my gosh, I totally agree in theory and actual experience in life.
• 25:29
  Michelle Gauthier: I come into my office and I have my desk and my computer and everything, but off to the side I have this swing that hangs from the ceiling and ideally I would sit there and get my journal and have a cup of coffee and journal.
• 25:42
  Michelle Gauthier: And sometimes I have told myself, I don't have time for that.
• 25:45
  Michelle Gauthier: Today, I've just got to sit down at the desk part and just get busy and get to working so that I can get things done.
• 25:51
  Michelle Gauthier: But I have - I mean, obviously this isn't like a real study, it's my own, just personal study.
• 25:56
  Michelle Gauthier: But I will get less done if I skip that journal step, because what I normally find is at the beginning of every day I have some version of the thought I have way too much to do, even if it's not true, my brain just offers that thought.
• 26:11
  Michelle Gauthier: And so for me to just write it out, see how I'm feeling, find anything that's making me feel upset and to your point, your example earlier, sometimes it doesn't even need a solution, it just needs out, it just needs to get out on a piece of paper and then, once I do that, I just feel so much calmer and so much more in control and then I can just be super efficient at work.
• 26:33
  Michelle Gauthier: I can just get to work and then think clearly and do that.
• 26:37
  Michelle Gauthier: So I am a big supporter and I love what you're doing and I love that you're encouraging people to journal and making it safe and easy for them, because a lot of times I think people don't know where to start and my clients who like to do everything right, just like me, are afraid to start when they don't know the proper way to do it and even if you say, well, there's not a right or wrong way, they're like nope, that's not going to do it for me.
• 27:02
  Michelle Gauthier: So I think that will be really useful for the listeners to have that journaling guide that they can just use as an outline to get started and start journaling.
• 27:11
  Michelle Gauthier: Any other journaling tips that you have?
• 27:16
  Michelle Gauthier: I'm going to ask you a couple more questions that I ask every guest on the show, but anything else that you want to say before we move on to those?
• 27:32
  Samantha Hawley: I would say one of my best tips is that consistency does matter.
• 27:32
  Samantha Hawley: However, consistency does not mean daily Consistency is just any pattern that you can do that feels sustainable for you.
• 27:41
  Samantha Hawley: So, honestly, even if journaling once a week works for you, that's perfect.
• 27:47
  Samantha Hawley: Journaling three times a week great, and it doesn't have to take a long time.
• 27:53
  Samantha Hawley: Again, like I mentioned, if this is your first time journaling in a long time, I would type it out because it probably will take a while.
• 28:00
  Samantha Hawley: You've got a lot of stuff underneath the carpet that you've been stuffing under there for a while.
• 28:04
  Samantha Hawley: But I actually started timing my journal entries just for fun, because I don't like setting a timer.
• 28:09
  Samantha Hawley: That's one of the tips is like have no expectations for yourself.
• 28:12
  Samantha Hawley: But I was timing myself once.
• 28:14
  Samantha Hawley: I'm like how long does it take me?
• 28:16
  Samantha Hawley: And my average journaling session in the morning is like six minutes or seven minutes max.
• 28:21
  Samantha Hawley: Yeah, so it doesn't need to take a long time.
• 28:23
  Samantha Hawley: So I think a lot of my clients even tell me that they think every journaling session is going to take them like an hour.
• 28:30
  Samantha Hawley: So, really understanding, it doesn't have to be every day, it doesn't need to be an hour, it doesn't need to be a full page.
• 28:37
  Samantha Hawley: So, yeah, coming up with what feels good for you and have really low expectations when you start and celebrating that, because if that feels good then maybe you'll want to show up one extra day or for one extra minute if that feels aligned.
• 28:51
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, yes, that's true.
• 28:53
  Michelle Gauthier: You kind of teach yourself that when I feel upset, this is what I do, and then that can become even more of a habit.
• 28:59
  Michelle Gauthier: I love that.
• 28:59
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, these are the questions that I ask every guest on the show.
• 29:03
  Michelle Gauthier: The first one is and you might have already told us your answer to this one but it's what is something that you do when you feel overwhelmed, to feel better.
• 29:16
  Samantha Hawley: Okay, I'll try and not say journaling, but journaling is my go-to.
• 29:18
  Samantha Hawley: So I actually have a podcast episode on this.
• 29:20
  Samantha Hawley: But there are seven different types of rest and for a while my answer would have said would have been go nap.
• 29:28
  Samantha Hawley: But there are.
• 29:29
  Samantha Hawley: That's physical rest, and there's also like social rest, there's like electronic rest, and so basically what I do now is I try to get out and I go do something like I'll take a break and go garden, go pick some weeds in my garden.
• 29:45
  Samantha Hawley: Or right now I live next to my parents and they have apple trees, so if it's apple season, I'll go pick some apples.
• 29:51
  Samantha Hawley: So I try and get out and away from whatever it is that I'm doing, even if it's just for 10 to 15 minutes, and that really helps me de-stress and just get back to center.
• 30:04
  Michelle Gauthier: That's great, okay.
• 30:05
  Michelle Gauthier: So number one journaling.
• 30:06
  Michelle Gauthier: Number two apple picking.
• 30:07
  Michelle Gauthier: Got it Okay.
• 30:11
  Michelle Gauthier: And then the next one is what is something that you do consistently to save time or do less, which is obviously essential in the life of a single mom who owns her own business.
• 30:25
  Samantha Hawley: Definitely ordering groceries.
• 30:27
  Samantha Hawley: I order a lot of things.
• 30:28
  Samantha Hawley: Anything I can do online, I do.
• 30:31
  Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, Amazon Prime is like the single mom's best friend.
• 30:35
  Samantha Hawley: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:36
  Samantha Hawley: Right before this I started a grocery list.
• 30:40
  Samantha Hawley: Actually I've even started - Target used to be one of my things.
• 30:46
  Samantha Hawley: One of my rest breaks is I would go to Target and I was spending an absurd amount.
• 30:50
  Samantha Hawley: I would do my budget at the end of the month, or just my finances, and see how much I was spending and I was shocked at how much, just because you go to that dollar section, which is never a dollar, and you just rack up and so I've started ordering online and just doing the pickup at Target, so that saves time and money doing that.
• 31:08
  Michelle Gauthier: Okay, that's a great one, actually, because we've talked about ordering just to save the time.
• 31:14
  Michelle Gauthier: But I think you're so right on that.
• 31:16
  Michelle Gauthier: It saves time and money.
• 31:18
  Michelle Gauthier: And in your case, how old is your little guy?
• 31:21
  Michelle Gauthier: He's three, almost four, yeah.
• 31:24
  Michelle Gauthier: So just getting him imagine like taking him in Target versus just going in the car and picking it up, so you're saving time on all fronts there.
• 31:34
  Samantha Hawley: Meltdowns too.
• 31:35
  Samantha Hawley: Saving meltdowns yes.
• 31:36
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, exactly, oh my gosh.
• 31:38
  Michelle Gauthier: Yes, the meltdowns.
• 31:40
  Michelle Gauthier: That was prime meltdown age for both of my kids - three.
• 31:43
  Michelle Gauthier: Terrible twos, nothing.
• 31:44
  Michelle Gauthier: Thress, definitely Okay.
• 31:47
  Michelle Gauthier: So tell us where people can find you, tell us about your podcast, your website, how they can work with you, anything you want us to add to the
• 31:58
  Samantha Hawley: Yeah, so my podcast is called Journal Entries, where I, at the beginning I was literally opening up my journal and sharing what I was journaling about and my revelations.
• 32:08
  Samantha Hawley: So that's just been fun for me to explore and to share with everybody.
• 32:12
  Samantha Hawley: My website is samanthapencoff.
• 32:14
  Samantha Hawley: com, although you can find me on Instagram at @samanthassays.
• 32:19
  Samantha Hawley: I have a bunch of goodies, freebies over there, and something fun that I'm offering right now is called Emotional Audits.
• 32:27
  Samantha Hawley: It's a free call where we talk about your season of motherhood and what it is that you want, how it is that you want to feel and what's getting in the way of that, why you're not there yet, what's keeping you stuck, and I will give you actual journal prompts to help you through that and recommendations to help you get to that next level with those action steps that we talked about.
• 32:51
  Samantha Hawley: So if you want to book one of those, you can reach out to me on Instagram, okay awesome.
• 32:56
  Michelle Gauthier: That sounds fantastic.
• 32:57
  Michelle Gauthier: I love it.
• 32:58
  Michelle Gauthier: Well, thank you so much for being a guest.
• 33:00
  Michelle Gauthier: It was so nice to meet you and I think this is going to be really helpful.
• 33:04
  Michelle Gauthier: So thank you for your insight.
• 33:05
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for having me.
• 33:07
  Michelle Gauthier: Thanks for listening today.
• 33:08
  Michelle Gauthier: I hope you enjoyed that guest.
• 33:10
  Michelle Gauthier: I know I did.
• 33:11
  Michelle Gauthier: Don't forget Group Coaching is opening soon.
• 33:14
  Michelle Gauthier: Get on the waitlist.
• 33:15
  Michelle Gauthier: Just run right to the show notes and click on the link and get on the waitlist.
• 33:19
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• 33:27
  Michelle Gauthier: You'll get the best discounted pricing if you're on the waitlist.
• 33:30
  Michelle Gauthier: So get on the waitlist now and reach out to me if you have any questions or want to know more about it.
• 33:34
  Michelle Gauthier: Have a great week.
• 33:35
  Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
• 33:43
  Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.
• 33:47
  Michelle Gauthier: com.
• 33:49
  Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.