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Phubbing, Messiness, and Lateness: Addressing the Friction that Eats at You · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for April 28, 2026 Fubbing, Messiness, and Lateness Addressing
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  the Friction that Eats at You I want to talk today about things we put up with that we should not.
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  This is very much about giving you permission to address the issue with your spouse.
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  The bottom line is if some behavior or failure really eats at you,
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  it's hurting your marriage. And you putting up with it is not the solution.
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  If you feel that what you want is unfair, then get help so it does not drive you crazy.
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  Otherwise, you need to say something. A short list of things we put up with.
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  Not listening or selective listening.
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  You need your spouse to hear you about the important stuff.
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  Messiness. Expecting extreme neatness is unfair, but there needs to be some
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  effort on their part to keep things functional and safe.
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  Constant fubbing. Using screens to ignore your spouse is both rude and harmful
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  to your marriage. Noise.
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  It could be smacking while eating, snoring, music, or anything else that irritates
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  you. Sexual issues. We will cover that later this week.
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  Lack of punctuality. Always being late is a problem.
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  I want to focus on the issue of lateness to take a closer look at how these things could play out.
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  My mother was one of those folks who thought early is on time,
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  on time is late, and late is unacceptable.
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  My father thought on time was acceptable. We were never late,
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  but I recall my mother always putting me and my sister into the car early and
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  then sitting there fuming and saying, come on, Woody.
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  Maybe she thought doing this would speed him up. I can assure you it did not.
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  It did frustrate her, and I'm sure it was a problem for their marriage.
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  There is no clear wrong here, other than they never worked it out.
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  I think it would have been loving for my father to aim for a few minutes before
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  on time, as it mattered so much to my mother.
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  I think he should also have suggested to her that being too early could be rude,
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  such as when going to someone's house.
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  They could have found something that worked for both of them and removed a major
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  source of friction in their marriage.
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  Being irritated with your spouse regularly is bad for your marriage.
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  Putting up with it may keep your spouse from hearing about it,
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  but the situation is still harming your marriage.
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  If it bothers you more than a little, it should be addressed.
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  Tomorrow, I'll suggest how to address it. This is Paul, and being irritated
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  at your spouse gets in the way of doing marriage well.