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Transcript

34: When Your Inner Critic Is Really Trying to Keep You Safe · Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic

• 0:03
  Speaker: Welcome to Banish the Lies, the podcast where we outsmart that sneaky inner critic and get closer to the truth that sets us free.
• 0:10
  Speaker: I'm Tania Cervoni, your host and fellow work in Progress here to share real stories and small shifts that help you reclaim what fear and doubt once stole.
• 0:21
  Speaker: Let's jump in.
• 0:22
  Speaker: Recently I had an experience that caught me off guard.
• 0:32
  Speaker: I was interviewed on the Inner Spark Podcast and when it came out I tried to listen to it.
• 0:40
  Speaker: I made it maybe five minutes in and I had this immediate visceral reaction like I wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear.
• 0:51
  Speaker: I just thought, oh my God.
• 0:54
  Speaker: This sucks.
• 0:56
  Speaker: I sound all over the place.
• 0:58
  Speaker: Why did I share that much?
• 1:00
  Speaker: Why did I go on and on and on?
• 1:04
  Speaker: And while I was busy stressing out about how horrible I sounded, the host had shared the episode on social media and tagged me, and I remember thinking.
• 1:17
  Speaker: Oh man, I really don't wanna re-share this.
• 1:22
  Speaker: My level of embarrassment was extreme, and I don't know, it's, it's hard to describe how intense it was.
• 1:30
  Speaker: It honestly felt like someone had just circulated a naked photo of me on the internet.
• 1:35
  Speaker: And just to be clear, I've never had that experience.
• 1:40
  Speaker: But that was kind of like the level of fear I had about hitting share.
• 1:46
  Speaker: Like something too exposed was out there and I couldn't take it back.
• 1:52
  Speaker: And I think what surprised me the most is that I've gotten pretty comfortable with sharing openly and vulnerably or so I thought.
• 2:04
  Speaker: And yet my inner critic there, she was having a full on heyday, not just about what I said, but also how I said it.
• 2:15
  Speaker: So this left me really curious about what was going on, because when something feels that big, there's usually more to the story.
• 2:25
  Speaker: And what I started to see was this, yes, I didn't love how I showed up, but the reaction I was having was layered.
• 2:36
  Speaker: On the surface, the self-criticism sounded like a desire for self-improvement.
• 2:43
  Speaker: You know, I need to be better.
• 2:46
  Speaker: I need to fix this, but underneath was a rather twisted belief.
• 2:52
  Speaker: If I tear it apart, if I tear myself apart, if I convince myself it was terrible, then I'm a lot less likely to do that again.
• 3:06
  Speaker: And if I don't do that again, I'm not exposed like that again.
• 3:11
  Speaker: And if I'm not exposed, then I'll feel safe.
• 3:14
  Speaker: And honestly seeing that my inner critic was trying to keep me safe by keeping me from moving forward, that was a bit of a revelation because I had never thought about it in that exact way.
• 3:29
  Speaker: And I also noticed something else.
• 3:33
  Speaker: As long as I stayed in that loop of self-criticism, I didn't have to fully feel what was underneath it.
• 3:42
  Speaker: The embarrassment, that feeling of exposure, the shame that was the part that I was avoiding because I could feel that this wasn't just about the interview, that shame, it felt old.
• 4:01
  Speaker: And I think that's often what's happening in these moments.
• 4:06
  Speaker: Something in the present triggers something much older, and the reaction we have is way bigger than what's actually happening right now.
• 4:14
  Speaker: So I gave myself space to sit with it and let me say it was incredibly uncomfortable.
• 4:23
  Speaker: I just sat there.
• 4:25
  Speaker: I let my imagination run wild.
• 4:28
  Speaker: I was picturing people judging me, laughing at me.
• 4:32
  Speaker: I know it sounds crazy, but this is truly what happened, and I just let whatever feelings wanted to show up, show up.
• 4:40
  Speaker: I probably sat there for like.
• 4:44
  Speaker: A good 10 minutes, ugly crying and all of it.
• 4:48
  Speaker: And then something shifted.
• 4:51
  Speaker: A wave of calm came over me and I realized hello, I was still alive.
• 4:57
  Speaker: And that supposedly embarrassing situation had not killed me.
• 5:03
  Speaker: In other words, it was going to be okay.
• 5:07
  Speaker: And from that place of acceptance.
• 5:11
  Speaker: I was able to come back to curiosity, so I went ahead and I read through the transcript of the episode, which made it a lot easier to be objective than just listening to the sound of my own voice.
• 5:25
  Speaker: And I looked at it with two questions.
• 5:29
  Speaker: What did I do well and what could I improve for next time?
• 5:34
  Speaker: And that shift from tearing myself down to actually.
• 5:39
  Speaker: Looking and moving forward.
• 5:42
  Speaker: That was monumental because I don't think I would've gotten there if I had stayed stuck resisting what I was feeling.
• 5:50
  Speaker: And what I discovered as I read the transcript was.
• 5:56
  Speaker: There were moments in that conversation that were real that could actually help someone.
• 6:02
  Speaker: And yes, there were definitely things I could improve, but it wasn't the disaster my mind was making it out to be.
• 6:12
  Speaker: Now, I didn't suddenly love the interview, but I didn't need it to be perfect anymore, and I was able to share it, not because I suddenly felt completely confident, but.
• 6:26
  Speaker: Because I wasn't letting that reaction decide for me, and I was able to reconnect with my intention to banish the lies that keep us in hiding and to make being of service bigger than my fear in the interesting part.
• 6:46
  Speaker: After all of that, I got a message from a friend who had listened and she thanked me for my vulnerability.
• 6:54
  Speaker: She said it helped her.
• 6:55
  Speaker: And I just kept thinking that would never have happened if I hadn't shared it.
• 7:01
  Speaker: So if you've ever put something out in the world and your first instinct is to tear it apart, it might worth asking yourself, is this really about getting better or is this about protecting myself from being seen like that again?
• 7:23
  Speaker: Because those are two very different things, and only one of them actually lets you keep showing up.
• 7:32
  Speaker: I.
• 7:33
  Speaker: Thanks for listening to Banish The Lies.
• 7:39
  Speaker: If today's episode resonated with you, take a moment to let it settle in.
• 7:43
  Speaker: And maybe share it with a friend who could use it too.
• 7:46
  Speaker: Lies, lose their power when we're brave enough to challenge them.
• 7:49
  Speaker: I'm Tania Cervoni, and until next time, be kind to yourself.
• 7:54
  Speaker: And remember, you're not broken, you're not alone, and you don't have to stay stuck.