Latest / Long Haul Marriage Roadcast / Learning to Value those Annoying Differences/ Writing a Love Letter To Your Spouse/Partner

Transcript

Learning to Value those Annoying Differences/ Writing a Love Letter To Your Spouse/Partner · Long Haul Marriage Roadcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, we are rolling.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: We just had an interesting football game. Yep.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: I know. I've got some friends that are big Chiefs fans.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: So yep, the Chiefs did it go?
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: Y'all? Y'all sometimes like to see kind of an I
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: don't know if the Buffalo don't.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I wanted Josh Allen and the Bills.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: I don't know if I would call them underdogs, but
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: they probably are now.
• 0:49
  Speaker 4: Christian is of course they were, and Christian is now
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: wanting the Eagles to get stomped by the Chiefs because
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: not just because they were used to be rivals at
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: the Cowboys when the Cowboys were a decent team, but
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: because he wants to see the first three peat and
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: we were so close back in the eight I know, I.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Know, four years.
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: Remember, Oh this is interesting, Okay, okay. So Wednesday will
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: be January twenty ninth, Chandler's thirty first birthday. And when
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: she was born, the day she was born c section,
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: I think was the next day Super Bowl, and you
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: felt so bad because you wanted to stay at the
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: hospital and but we knew the after birth of my
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: first day, I mean I was just going to sleep.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: So it was.
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: Around the playoff game Bill's Cowboys literally super Bowl.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: Well, but would it had been that early?
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: You know what, maybe the biggest comeback in history.
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: And I don't know why fifty five that scores in
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: my but maybe that's because today that's in that what
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: the Eagles against.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: Don't know but commanders, maybe somebody y'all can google that. Well,
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: January twenty ninth of ninety four.
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: But I think we were both that game Stephen Kelly's,
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: we were both I remember you wearing that little sweatshirt
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: with the white turtleneck underneath.
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: You know what, No way can you believe that?
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: Okay, got the laptop in my lap. By the way,
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: we're going to have a shorter episode. That's our gift
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: to our listeners. We said we were going to thirty minutes,
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: I think, and we went fifty three minutes.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Last time.
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: We are going to go no longer than thirty minutes. Yes,
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: hold a sad timer. By the way, not remember last time.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: Your alarm went off? It's like, okay, yeah, you got
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: the time. You know what right now is some people's bedtimes.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: People are in bedroom.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: Well, we're recording this a lot later than we normally do.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: We do it earlier.
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: In the week, but this was an interesting week. We
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: did our practicum. We are going to give you guys
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: some amazing, amazing tools for marriage today. We're not talking
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: about intentions for the new year. We're not talking about
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: vision retreats. We are talking about marriage and relationships. But
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: before that, I'm going to I don't know why I
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: can't pull this up. You keep rolling garage band, and
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: I'm going to pull up Spreaker. This is our podcast
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: hosting platform. And so we say we weren't going to
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: do shout outs. We went to ha Haes last time
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: and wait to go Watson on the Hey.
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: Heyka is the best we're gonna do.
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: I wanted to start something new tonight. But if it's
• 3:31
  Speaker 4: going to be hay Hayes.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: I mean shout outs is not new shout outs old.
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: No, that's why we wanted something new. And now, hey, hey,
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: I thought we may have ridden that horse as long
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: as we want to ride it.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: Oh no, I think that should be our stick.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: By the way, you look lovely and very comfy.
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: No, no always, And look I'm in sweatshirt and sweatpants.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: And again, nobody's ever going to see you down there?
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: No wow, but no here We're going to do our
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: our hey hayes. Then we'll just stay with that. We
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: still have Norway, United Kingdom and Mexico. We have some
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: new listeners from Mexico.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: I don't know why I said it like that.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: Have we been thereon.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Yes, sources a lot.
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: Okay, back to this, So Norway, United Kingdom, uh and
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: United Kingdom, let's say England and Scotland.
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: That's very cool. I just love this.
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: But I wanted to give and I feel like I'm
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: talking away from the microphone, but hopefully you guys can
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: hear me. I wanted to give some hayes to So
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: in the United States, we have Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New York, Michigan, Wyoming.
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: These are people listening in these states Maryland, Tennessee, North Carolina, Georgia, Ohio, Indiana, Arkansas,
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: and seven in other What is it?
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 5:11
  Speaker 4: Because some of these like Indiana has one, arkansased one,
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: Oklahoma's representing, but Texas has the lion's share at one
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: and forty two. But all you people in New York,
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: you four, you four in Michigan, you three in Wyoming.
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: Good for you, and we thank you and we welcome
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: you and jack in.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: So this is awesome. Let's see here.
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: So we're gonna speed it along, aren't we. This week
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: has been a great week. We started the practicum and
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: the pre work for a marriage mediation certification that we
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: will be completing later this month.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: And so we've.
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: Got matter of fact, if I look over here, people
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: can't see this on our board over here, we have Wow,
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: we have five couples in the overhaul package process. We
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: have three couples in the Hitting the Road and two
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: more coming so that's going to be five. And the
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: hitting the Road package. So we have our premiertal Hitting
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: the Road package with Wedding Efficient and we have the overhaul,
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: which is like a complete Hey, let's don't.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Just fix the let's start something.
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: Brand new couples coming to us one to overhaul their
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: their marriage, and man, we are loving that. But we
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: are going to be adding something to our tool belt.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: We need a bigger board, is what we need.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: We're gonna need. I told you that.
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: I'm not like a huge thinker.
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: Let me, do I need this anymore? I don't think
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: I need this, but you know what I will need.
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: I will need and we can maybe edit this out.
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: But actually we'll just leave it in because I'm going
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: to need my phone. But what we do need to
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: talk about is the uh so along with the practicum.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: We did hang on.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: With that, okay, And the practicum that we did was
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: four hours, but then there was I don't even know
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: how like how much I didn't I don't know how
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: many hours the pre work took. What you're going to
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: talk about that, But anyway, that's you know, that was
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: some good work getting ready for that. And then now
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: we have a lot of pre work before.
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: And then three days for the for the certification. And
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: but the thing we're adding to our tool box or
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: toolkit or tool belt or whatever is an intensive. So
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: instead of meeting three or four weeks or five weeks
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: or sometimes six months or a year with a couple
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: one hour at a time, this is where they come
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: in and you spend an entire day or two days
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: in a marriage intensive And this intent of mediation has
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: a very very high success rate. We've heard incredible things
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: about it. We've already learned so much and it's been
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: it's been really really cool. We're excited about that. So
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: in the preparation, they asked, did you do the strength finders.
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: And many people have heard about the you know, all
• 8:22
  Speaker 4: the different personality tests, right Meers Briggs and krcy Bates
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: disc the enneagram. A lot of people use different tools
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: and they find it, you know, the people code, the
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: color code that we just went over last year. Find
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: it really helpful when you're talking about the differences in
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: your relationship between you and your spouse or your significant other,
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: and it's understanding how they're wired so you can relate
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: to them better, so you can communicate better with them,
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: so that you can handle conflict, and you understand where
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: they're coming from, and it can be an eye opener.
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: It's so funny how we walk into this blind and
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: how illuminating that can be.
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: And how they say opposites attract and how at first
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: you think, oh, that's just so sweet. I love that
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: about them, you know those differences or you know, and
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: then before long you're like, you are bugging the crap out.
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: Of me, or you know it's the thing that endears you,
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: And then it can be become so annoying and like
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: why is that right?
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: But what if we were the same that would be
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: so horrible?
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: The same is boring?
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you want someone that you can contend with someone
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: that's different, someone that can challenge you, that can make
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: you grow. You do not want someone like you, but
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: you think you do, and that's the effort when you
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: come into marriage. The effort is sometimes we try to
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: change that person. And if we think about it, it's
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: we're trying to change them into someone who thinks like us,
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: acts like us, believes like us, and all that that
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: could be so boring. And marriage we think it's supposed
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: to be this thing that what's happened.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: It's fine, I don't know, it's got a little.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: It may have too much stuff on it.
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: No, just got a little hitch in. It's get along, okay.
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: So we think, look at that. Okay, So we think
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: that marriage is going to be this thing where we
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: come in and it's just marital bliss. But the two
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: becoming one is something that is very difficult. It's the goal,
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: but it's something very difficult when all those differences, you know, arise.
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: But what's cool? So I'm looking at our little string
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: finders we did. It's the Clifton the top five and
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: so Jamie's top five is empathy, wu includer, positivity and
• 10:47
  Speaker 4: connectedness and Brian's top five maximizer, achiever, belief learner, and intellection.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: And we're not going to.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: Dive into those and read what they are, and maybe
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: that's for another podcast. I mean, I would highly recommend
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: it going and doing the Strength Finders deal or strengths
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: Finder two point zero Clifton.
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: When we do those, you know, the intent mediation a
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: part of that.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: That would be a part.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: Which I think will be really cool.
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: But what we found so interesting is none of your
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: top five mine, none of mine are on yours.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: We are very very different, so different.
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: But when you look at that, that could be a
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: train wreck and it was for us, or it can
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: be one of the most fulfilling things when you realize
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: that when you put us together. Yeah, instead of being
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: at odds and in contention, we are.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: A great dream team.
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: We've got so much as the complete package. And yeah,
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: and we we realize that now and we've grown into that.
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: So but yeah, that was cool. And so tell me.
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: We've talked about the early days and how it was
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: just that, you know, we were bugging each other, we
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: annoyed each other, trying to change one another. But I guess,
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: in your humble opinion, what has been the biggest surprise
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: for you as far as like the differences my strengths
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: like on the strength finders, and then or just the aha,
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: the revelation that helped you relate to me anything come
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: to mine.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: I think when once we kind of worked through like
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: fighting for our right to be right. You know, once
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: you start this, you know this fighting, and you are
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: both stubborn. It's like, even if I wanted to see
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: the goodness in you or what you brought to the
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: table or how you made us better, I was so
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: blinded by the hurt that I had experienced, you know,
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: from you us, you know, going sideways, you know, hitting
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: heads like and the pride in me couldn't even admit, like, okay,
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: bow down, Jamie. You know, he might have a good point.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: Or let's listen. We were just and we both were
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: just like in a gridlock, you know, because we both
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: were just so defensive that we couldn't even see through
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: that to appreciate what we brought to the table. So
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: I think what we started at, you know, when I
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: first met you, and I thought, oh I love it,
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: you know, so key, you know whatever, and then life
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: starts to happen and the you know, shines off the penny,
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: and you both kind of just start like living life
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: and not being on your best behavior or whatever, and
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: then all those things then on top of that, become
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: just annoyances, these weird just you know, whateversyncrasies or whatever.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: You're like, oh, that's just uh, and then you just start,
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: you know, to fight about different things. And then you
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: kind of put down the gloves and say, Okay, we
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: don't want to be in this, Like you call it
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: a lifelong what do you say, boxing match?
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, lifeline to us part Yeah.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: Figure this out because what drew us to each other,
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: let's get back to that, but even in a healthier way,
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: not like rose colored glasses. But no, I see the
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: real you, and you know the real me, and we
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: value the differences that we have. And so now I
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: think after thirty five years, we've kind of gotten to
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: that point where we're like, it's great that we're not
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: the same.
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and we talk a lot about unhealed wounds from
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: our past, you know, the roots those hurts and that
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: baggage we bring in. But also, this is just the
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: way we're made up, the way we are wired, the
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: way God created us. And it shows up in all
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: of these different personality or strength tests. It just finally
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: it just dawns on you. That's who they are, right.
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: I mean I should have gotten that a lot long ago.
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: This whole like connectedness for you and Woo includer that
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: could so bug me just how you know before I
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: remember literally having this thought thinking, and I may have
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: said this in one of our previous episodes, but like,
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: you know what, look at her, she's just acting so unselfish.
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: She's Oh, she's just acting like she cares about all
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: these people. It's like, really, she cares about all those people.
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: She's really unselfish. It's just trusting that that's the way
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: God created this person and that they're valid and it's
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: like worth something and it's treasuring that. So there's the
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: idea from some that there's this sweet we joke about it,
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: this my person, you're my person, Like there's this soulmate
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: out there, and although God did give us free will
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: and we could have picked anyone, I still believe that
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: God's providential hand brought us together. I believe that with
• 16:03
  Speaker 4: all the free will and the fact that there's not
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: one person and that soulmate, but God brought us together,
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: and when you can go back to trusting that, because
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: there were a time where I lost the belief in that,
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: but I believe that to my core and it changes everything.
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: Like I trust God that he gave me this gift,
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: Like you're a treasure. You're a gift to me and
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: our marriage and the way all your top five and
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: my top five together, that's going to be something beautiful,
• 16:31
  Speaker 4: something not to be tolerated, to be valued and like embraced,
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: and like let's maximize that.
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: Let's just capitalize on that.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: You know. One thing that just hit me that's kind
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: of interesting is you know, as you move through your relationship,
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: there's going to be different seasons of stress, you know,
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: crisis or trauma or buying the house or remodeling house
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: or starting a business, different seasons of stress. And sometimes
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: you feel like you can kind of go backwards. And
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: I feel like we we have experienced that when we
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: are both under you know, intense stress, we can go
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: back into that kind of selfish you know model that
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: we were in before and just thinking, wow, you're a weirdo.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: You know, why are you dealing with this like this?
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: You know when really I think with you know you
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: once we get to a certain point. I do feel
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: like every single time we enter stress, we enter on
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: a good note, you know, saying, Okay, this is going
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: to be a difficult time. You know, just remember let's
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: don't take it out on each other. What are some
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: things that we can do to, you know, make it
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: as peaceful and healthy as possible. You know. So that's
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: just an interesting thing to think about. It doesn't matter
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: how far you've come or how long you've been married,
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: when you enter a stressful season, you tend to just
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: go to the lowest common denominator of you both, you know,
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: So we kind of have to stay on guard and
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: just know that before times of intense stress, have those conversations.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: And you've always been really good about that with us
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: or with the kids or whatever.
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: I think you know, yeah, appreciate it. So one of
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: the things that we did this week, which I highly
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: highly recommend this, and.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: You know what, let's do this. Let's put this.
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: I think I'll put them in the notes of the podcast, okay,
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: and let's also put them in the newsletter.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that'll be good. Update the blog on the on
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: the website. Okay.
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: So I mean, or you can just you know, back
• 18:54
  Speaker 4: this up and listen to these several times.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: But this was just an exercise where you wrote a
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: letter to your spouse.
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: And we talk a lot about the value in just
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: sitting down and spending five minutes. You know, we go
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: out to the back porch and watch the sunset, and
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: especially these last few chili chili days, we're not spending
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: we spend our three minutes in the pool, and we
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: don't spend a lot of time outside in this wind chill.
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: But sometimes just the five minutes, the ten minutes of
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: sitting down, looking your spouse in the eye and saying,
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: here's what you mean to me, or how was your day?
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: Or hey, thank you for this, or hey, check in,
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: how are you doing? Or here, let me tell you
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: it's some stuff that I'm feeling today. And those are valuable.
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: But this like sitting down and taking some time with
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: some prompts to write a letter to your spouse and
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: include certain things, Wow, you want to talk about emotional
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: and just me writing this thing, it brought a lot
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: of emotion, a few tears, and.
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: Then I had a lot of tears.
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: You you wrote yours, you had some tears as well.
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: And then when we shared them with one another. You
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: just read that letter, so I mean, I can't recommend
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: this high enough. Just just sit down and take these prompts,
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: just maybe hit two or three of them. But I'm
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: going to give you a few and write the letter
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: and then just share it with your spouse.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Man, you want to talk.
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: About just just reigniting passion and intimacy at a whole
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: new level. This has been so good, and it was
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: it was really fun. So now one of the prompts,
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: write about what your parents modeled for you regarding marriage
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: and how that affected your expectations about marriage. Write about
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: anything from your past that you believe had an impact
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: on you, whether it was a tragedy or triumph or both.
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: What you remember about meeting your spouse in those first
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: few years together. How you have been affected mentally, emotionally, spiritually,
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: and physically in the marriage. Admit to any baggage you
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: brought into the marriage, and disclose if you believe you
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: have successfully unpacked this baggage, or if you believe you.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: Still have some unpacking to do.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: Own, how you have contributed to the dysfunction of the marriage,
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: And then write about the gifts and or strengths you
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: believe you bring to your marriage. That was kind of cool, Yeah,
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: listening to that and describe how you wish your marriage looked.
• 21:33
  Speaker 4: What are your specific desires for your marriage? Yeah, And
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: look as I read through those prompts, and it was
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: an emotional deal because we looked back and I thought
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: about what it looked like in year one, in year five,
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: you know, ten years in, but then what it looks
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: like thirty five years. So we had a lot of triumphs.
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: We had a lot of triumphs, and we are so glad,
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: you know. But I just I would just encourage. I'm
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: just thinking about people in different stages. This can be
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: a really hard exercise right now. It could be really
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: really hard, It could be brutal. And you know, as
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: we've done this, we talked to so many blended families
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: we think about and you know, I just wanted to
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: say this as well. Somebody I was talking to this week,
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: they they said they were ready to run to the
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: courthouse on their spouse. And they said, but I heard
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: you say don't quit on a podcast. But but I
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: want to say this too. Some of you obviously have
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: been in a marriage and are no longer with that spouse.
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: And sometimes we know this, you didn't want to quit,
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: but that partner quit, right, and sometimes maybe you quit.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: And this is.
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: An unpopular opinion for some, but because people say God
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: hates divorce, and I say he hates a bad marriage too,
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: that it might have already been broken. And sometimes the
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: Holy Spirit in you does not deserve to be injured
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: over and over and over again if that spouse is
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: unwilling to transform and be in a God honoring covenant.
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: So I just wanted to say that, Yeah, anything you
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: wanted to add to that, Yeah, just you know.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: Sometimes i'm of course, because I'm you know, my top
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: one is empathy. I feel what other people might be feeling.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: And even in the name long haul marriage. Sometimes I
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: have been, I guess concerned that many people that I
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: know and love who aren't in a long haul marriage
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: right now, you know, or maybe they're in their second marriage,
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: you know, but they've you know, have maybe some guilt
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: about the first one that didn't you know, didn't work
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: out or whatever. I've been worried that they might feel like,
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: you know, a little bit ostracized, or a little bit judged,
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: or a little bit less than and that is. So
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: I'm so glad you said that because that is so
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: not our heart, you know. But what I have been
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: so encouraged by is those same friends who have been
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: extremely supportive, you know, who maybe their heart is broken
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: shattered because they wanted a long haul marriage and for
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: whatever reason it's they don't, you know, but they're still
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: so encouraging. They're like, man, this just listening to y'all
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: just helps me so much. And I'm like, okay, awesome.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: So if anybody does feel any of those negative emotions
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: that I was just saying, I just kind of want
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: to take that off the table. So I'm glad that
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: you kind of talked about that, because that's the opposite
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: of what our heart is. You know. It's not like, oh, well,
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: wamp womp, y'all didn't make it. So you know, we're
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: disappointed in you or whatever. Gosh, that's our heart is. Yes,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: if you can stay in it, if you can not
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: quit and be in it for the long haul, do
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: but we know that there are situations where that doesn't happen,
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: and man, we're gonna love you through it, and you know,
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: we want to help you however we can. And you know,
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: our heart is for you. So anyway, Yeah.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: That's good.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: I'm glad you brought that up.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm looking at the time. Oh, we're almost there.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: Believe that.
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: I know that was weird to give them a gift
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: to It's so they're on the Staremaster at the gym.
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: This can be their deal and when we sign off,
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: you can be done. It's the Staremaster. Uh yeah, anything
• 25:44
  Speaker 4: else before we go, I'm just going.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: To say again that we are really excited about adding
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: this new amazing tool to our toolbox. Thank you for
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: the you know, incredible David and Janet Tatum who you know,
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: told us about it, encouraged us highly in it. Just
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: really thankful for them.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: Thank you guys.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: And I'm excited about that new tool and ready to
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: start booking some some intensives.
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: Yes, and we will travel where you are, so Norway
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: to Michigan.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: We're coming for you.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Hey, we have next couple of minutes.
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, heck yeah, can coo is the Mihea. How about
• 26:27
  Speaker 4: since it's going to be out on the twenty seventh,
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: how about you tell everybody about our opportunity at we
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: have a lot three more spots on our Valentine's Deal
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: only three.
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: More spots unless the weather's beautiful and we can open
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: up more of their area.
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: Okay, so it's not on Valentine's Day, but on February
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: twenty seconds, So to do at Justin.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: Toffee February twenty second, Justin Coffee and justin Texas really
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: fun night of love and lattes. It's from five to
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: seven on a Saturday, so we'll break in time for
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: them to go out for a date night, have dinner,
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: you know, do something fun like that. But we are
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: going to share with them kind of just things that
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: we've learned along the way, things that we've done right,
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: and many things that we've done wrong.
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: But way, and just some really practical ways to express
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: love in the mundane every day, not on the mountaintop
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: or just Onebruary fourteenth.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm excited. So we'll have like some snackies
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: there and I think I think coffee drinks will be
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: available for them to purchase. Anyway, Yeah, so they can
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: go to I'm trying to think of the best way
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: to tell them, so you can put.
• 27:50
  Speaker 4: It and put it in the notes, and also they
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: can go to this our social media and long haul
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: marriage website, Long Call marriage dot org and they can
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: go on Instagram long Haul Marriage your Instagram, I think
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: you posted it.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: Link is in the bio for all those things, and
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: it'll be in the notes section. But if you are local,
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: or even if you're not, and you want to fly
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: in for a fun little date in Texas, join us
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: February twenty second, five to seven.
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: Okay, So look into the Clifton Top five Strength Finder.
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: And also how about backing that up and listen to
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: the prompts and writing that letter to your spouse.
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: That's good, and uh yeah, just have some tissues.
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: Yes, I have the tissues close. It was a great,
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: great exercise. We're looking forward to it.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, way to go, mister.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: How about that. We did it, We did it, Okay. Adios.