Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 242. Flashback Friday - Success anxiety & intrusive thoughts

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242. Flashback Friday - Success anxiety & intrusive thoughts · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apogee Production.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Sheep Risers Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.
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  Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment.
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  Speaker 3: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
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  Speaker 3: authentic version of yourself.
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  Speaker 2: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
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  Speaker 2: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
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  Speaker 2: else is too afraid to talk about.
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  Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self. I have
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  Speaker 3: a fear of not being able to achieve the things
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  Speaker 3: that I want to achieve in this life.
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  Speaker 1: Oh and it's a kind.
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  Speaker 3: Of like a fear laced in like not feeling capable enough.
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  Speaker 4: So not like running out of time.
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  Speaker 3: It's multifaceted. Okay, it's multi layered is the word. Actually,
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  Speaker 3: So it's like there's a part of me that's still
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  Speaker 3: letting goal of this belief, and it pops up every
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  Speaker 3: now and again where if I'm not taking enough action
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  Speaker 3: towards the goal that I want, or I feel frustrated, whatever,
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  Speaker 3: I'll be like, oh, I notice the fear of being like, oh,
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  Speaker 3: you're not capable enough. And so then there's that aspect
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  Speaker 3: and then there's like a what if I fear of
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  Speaker 3: failure so much that it stops me from being able
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  Speaker 3: to get there.
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  Speaker 4: That's understandable.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, So it's like because it is. It's I think
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  Speaker 3: that's been a huge thing that I've had to overcome,
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  Speaker 3: is the fear of failure and fearing being able to
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  Speaker 3: get to that level. And then kind of like what
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  Speaker 3: you said as well, there's a layer of like then
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  Speaker 3: once you come overcome the fear of failure, it's like
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  Speaker 3: the fear of success, and there's there's all these different
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  Speaker 3: layers when it comes to achieving all of the things
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  Speaker 3: that you want, and it comes out in different forms,
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  Speaker 3: but it's the same fear, you know, being like what
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  Speaker 3: happens when I do achieve this? Am I going to
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  Speaker 3: be able to hold it?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah? Is it going to be too big?
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  Speaker 3: Is it going to get taken away? Like all of
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  Speaker 3: these different fears that you accumulate over time and over
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  Speaker 3: your life are just there when you want to achieve something,
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  Speaker 3: especially when it comes to business, life, money, whatever. Yes,
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  Speaker 3: And so for me it's like okay, cool, Like am
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  Speaker 3: I going to be willing enough to be able to
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  Speaker 3: face all those fears? You know?
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  Speaker 4: And then the.
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  Speaker 3: Moments where I have self doubt, like I'm not exempt
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  Speaker 3: from self doubt, like I still have that come up
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  Speaker 3: for me and like I am a self worth coach
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  Speaker 3: and all of the things, but I still have moments
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  Speaker 3: of like am I capable enough to do this? Do
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  Speaker 3: I have the resources enough to do this? Do I
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  Speaker 3: have enough knowledge? Do I have enough experience? But then
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  Speaker 3: it's just reminding myself that whilst I get to have
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  Speaker 3: all these fears, I get to choose if I let
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  Speaker 3: them dictate what I do next, love that or what
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  Speaker 3: I choose to take action towards next. So yes, they're
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  Speaker 3: all still there swelling in my head every time I
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  Speaker 3: do something scary, all outside of my comfort zone or
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  Speaker 3: something that feels like an edge for me, Like they
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  Speaker 3: come along with me, Like they're in my fucking handbag,
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  Speaker 3: coming with me while I do all the things that
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  Speaker 3: like I really want to do.
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  Speaker 4: In this life.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so relatable. I have a lot of fears come
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  Speaker 1: off around business.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, me too.
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  Speaker 1: Even doing another podcast with another friends, Yeah, there was
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  Speaker 1: massive fears that if we have had really open dialogue
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  Speaker 1: about which has been really nice for me because at
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  Speaker 1: any point you could change your mind not want to
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  Speaker 1: do it again, and then I have feel like I
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  Speaker 1: have to start again, and then what's everyonem going to think? Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: what's the assumption they're going to make? How am I
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  Speaker 1: going to feel? And we have to rebrand. It's all
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  Speaker 1: these like fears that came up for me throughout this process,
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  Speaker 1: which fears come up often, but I just refuse to
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  Speaker 1: live my life in fear. I want to feel the
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  Speaker 1: fears and sometimes not act on them. Yeah, they don't
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  Speaker 1: have to actually mean anything. I can just feel it
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  Speaker 1: in that moment and I can talk about it and
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  Speaker 1: it can be there. But then I do what actually
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  Speaker 1: feels right in my heart. And when I thought about
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  Speaker 1: doing the podcast by myself, Yes, I'm capable, and I
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  Speaker 1: prove that to myself doing the Twelve Days of Christmas,
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  Speaker 1: which is a little test for myself to see how
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  Speaker 1: much I could hold. Can I have conversations with myself
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  Speaker 1: for half an hour? Yes, proven can talk underwater? And
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  Speaker 1: then it was this decision of do I want to
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  Speaker 1: do this by myself? It's a hell No. I want
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  Speaker 1: to experience life with loved ones. I want to celebrate together.
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  Speaker 1: I want to go through the failurees together. I want
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  Speaker 1: to have someone to bounce off. I want to have
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  Speaker 1: someone to learn off. I want to have someone to
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  Speaker 1: lead me, which you do in so many beautiful ways.
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  Speaker 1: So that came up for me as well. And the
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  Speaker 1: fear of getting successful and being able to hold that.
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  Speaker 4: That's real. And I found that fitness industry.
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  Speaker 1: Over the last couple of years, I haven't been able
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  Speaker 1: to hold all of it because my passion wasn't there anymore.
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  Speaker 1: And I look back and reflect on how well it
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  Speaker 1: used to do. And then over the years, as I've
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  Speaker 1: stopped putting as much effort, and it hasn't felt as
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  Speaker 1: alive for me, and I've gone in different directions and
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  Speaker 1: my energy's gone elsewhere. I fear that happening in other
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  Speaker 1: parts on other businesses that I do. But then it's
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  Speaker 1: coming back to trusting that every part is a chapter
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  Speaker 1: that's a part of your whole book and your whole story,
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  Speaker 1: and you learn so much throughout each of those chapters
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  Speaker 1: that help you with your next project or your next business,
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  Speaker 1: or your next direction that you switch lanes in.
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  Speaker 4: It's all a part of it. But the fears are real.
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  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I feel that.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that too you Sometimes I think there
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  Speaker 3: are definitely for me as well, like elements of like
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  Speaker 3: next levels of money, where like you have to actively
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  Speaker 3: work through those fears and like that just regulation that
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  Speaker 3: comes up around holding a new level of money and
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  Speaker 3: being like uncomfortable, yeah, and being like, oh, what's my
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  Speaker 3: thermometer for how comfortable I feel with a certainmount of money?
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  Speaker 3: You know, how far will I let myself go? You know,
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  Speaker 3: where's the point where I get uncomfortable? And then like
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  Speaker 3: looking at those fears and being able to just like
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  Speaker 3: face all of that, break down those limiting beliefs and
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  Speaker 3: go like, this is a limitation I have in my mind,
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  Speaker 3: you know, but then it also is real. I feel
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  Speaker 3: like a lot of people might be able to like
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  Speaker 3: resonate with that.
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  Speaker 1: Or even if they're not resonating, you might be self
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  Speaker 1: sabotaging without even realizing it. Yes, So every time you
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  Speaker 1: get that little bit closer to getting more money or
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  Speaker 1: something else happening, you get scared and uncomfortable, and that's
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  Speaker 1: the frequency you're on, and then you self sabotage and
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  Speaker 1: you pull yourself back.
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  Speaker 4: But it's more comfortable to sit over here.
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  Speaker 1: And if I get rich, or people think I'm greedy,
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  Speaker 1: if I get successful, they think that I'm not going
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  Speaker 1: to fit in with everyone else. Will I'd be the
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  Speaker 1: outcast if I become the boss, or I get this
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  Speaker 1: promotion or I get this award or whatever it is.
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  Speaker 4: Are people not going to.
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  Speaker 3: Want to be my friend anymore and be relatable?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I might just in my life to stay over
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  Speaker 1: here because it's a bit safer.
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  Speaker 3: It feels more comfortable, easy to be here. I know
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  Speaker 3: how to behave in a space. I think something that
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  Speaker 3: came up for me around money was when I had
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  Speaker 3: a not a bad relationship, yeah, a bad relationship with money.
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  Speaker 3: Let's say I wasn't.
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  Speaker 4: Responsible with money.
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  Speaker 3: And when I was in that phase, I was like
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  Speaker 3: to myself and would have conversations with myself being like,
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  Speaker 3: if I accumulate more money.
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  Speaker 4: Am I going to blow it?
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  Speaker 1: Oh?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah?
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  Speaker 3: And it was a fear of gaining more money out
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  Speaker 3: of the way that I would behave when I got it.
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  Speaker 3: I hadn't yet built a responsible relationship with money for
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  Speaker 3: me to feel confident in myself and trust that I
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  Speaker 3: was capable of handling that amount of money.
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  Speaker 4: Interesting.
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  Speaker 3: Yes, relatable, Yeah, it's really interesting.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, isn't it.
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  Speaker 1: I feel like every I'm listening, I'm so curious if
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  Speaker 1: you're in our forum, I'd love everyone to start sharing
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  Speaker 1: some stories if they have any any stories around their
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  Speaker 1: relationship with money. I think it's a big wound and
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  Speaker 1: trigger for a lot of people. Oh yeah, yeah, so interesting.
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  Speaker 1: The fear of success, the fear of sailing, the fear
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  Speaker 1: of growth, even the fear of growth, the fear of
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  Speaker 1: growth because when you grow. We've spoken a lot about relationships.
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  Speaker 1: Sometimes you can grow apart from people. You can outgrow
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  Speaker 1: a job or an environment safe and feels nice, and
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  Speaker 1: you have to step it up and evolve and change.
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  Speaker 1: That can be really scary.
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  Speaker 3: It's almost like when you want to leave a relationship.
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  Speaker 3: Sometimes the thing that stops you is the fear of growth,
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  Speaker 3: because when you choose to leave a relationship, you're choosing
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  Speaker 3: growth over the relationship. You choose for safety on your
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  Speaker 3: own growth within yourself. That's something in you has changed
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  Speaker 3: and evolved. Yes, you're leaving this part of your life behind,
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  Speaker 3: and that's a scary thing. So it doesn't matter whether
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  Speaker 3: change is good or bad, we still are terrified of
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  Speaker 3: it because it means that something is changing, yes, which
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  Speaker 3: means that our level of control over the situation is changing. Yeah,
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  Speaker 3: it's going to be different. The dynamic shifts You're going
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  Speaker 3: to have to learn how to behave in a completely
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  Speaker 3: new way, different circumstances, different people. Yeah, brings up a
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  Speaker 3: lot of fear.
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  Speaker 4: It does.
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  Speaker 1: Another big fear of mine, which I've openly spoken about
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  Speaker 1: in social media for years, is fear of flying. I'm terrified.
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  Speaker 1: I hate the takeoff, I hate any turbulence. I hate
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  Speaker 1: the thought of floating in this little machine. It up
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  Speaker 1: in the air. How are we not falling to our death?
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  Speaker 1: I look around of people falling asleep, and I think
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  Speaker 1: to myself, are you crazy? You're worried that we're just
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  Speaker 1: floating in mid air? Yeah, like that is insidely to me.
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  Speaker 1: It's a pretty incredible concept when you think of that.
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  Speaker 1: And I used to have crazy panic attacks. Is one
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  Speaker 1: that stands out to me. We're on our way back
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  Speaker 1: from America. Steve Knight's before we had tag years and
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  Speaker 1: years ago. You know, like, picture someone on a roller
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  Speaker 1: coaster screaming their guts out because the ride's so scary.
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  Speaker 1: That was me at the back of the plane, oh,
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  Speaker 1: screaming the flight and had said to Steve, you need
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  Speaker 1: to calm her down. She's scaring other passengers. He got
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  Speaker 1: like four or five Vallum shoved them down my throat
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  Speaker 1: and then I was so like docile and calm, but
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  Speaker 1: I was still, We're sorry.
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  Speaker 4: I should have given more context.
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  Speaker 1: We were in the middle of a storm, so I'm
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  Speaker 1: talking bumpy seatbell signs on like lightning, dark clouds.
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  Speaker 4: It was horrific, and I was saying to tell mem I.
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  Speaker 1: Love her, Just tell her I love her, because I
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  Speaker 1: thought that was the end.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know.
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  Speaker 1: I'm asking him to say that because if we're going down,
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  Speaker 1: he's going down with it. But yeah, I was that petrified.
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  Speaker 1: The Flagendent said you need to calm her down.
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  Speaker 4: He's like, I'm trying.
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  Speaker 3: See, I'm doing the best that I can.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, that was terrifying for me.
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  Speaker 1: And over the years there's videos of me on YouTube
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  Speaker 1: when I did the online series of me like crying
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  Speaker 1: and all holding on people's hands and shaking, and I
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  Speaker 1: just could not calm myself down. But over the years,
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: as I've learned to regulate my nervous system and learn
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: how to breathe trust the process.