Latest / Questionable Detour / Being afraid of escalators, WWE wrestling, and buying a boat on Craigslist

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Being afraid of escalators, WWE wrestling, and buying a boat on Craigslist · Questionable Detour

• 0:00
  Excuse me, what is going on here?
• 0:04
  But first we're gonna make a little detour.
• 0:09
  So absurd, so questionable.
• 0:12
  Yeah, I guess we're just the weirdos.
• 0:15
  Expect the detour.
• 0:17
  What is the name of the character that you're playing?
• 0:24
  Spell Apothocary.
• 0:27
  A-P-O-T-H-K-E-R-R-I-E.
• 0:31
  See, I couldn't, I can't, is that correct?
• 0:33
  It's definitely not.
• 0:34
  No.
• 0:34
  Okay, because you said it like it was somebody's name, Apothocary.
• 0:38
  Yeah, but it's hyphenated, right?
• 0:41
  Uh-uh, I don't think so.
• 0:42
  Apotho-cary-under-what?
• 0:44
  I don't know how to spell it, but I know that's not right.
• 0:50
  I think that means that if you don't know how to spell it and you don't know how to
• 0:52
  spell it, then I am the closest.
• 0:54
  How do you know I don't know how to spell it?
• 0:56
  You don't know how to spell the.
• 0:57
  Yeah, it's a tough word.
• 0:59
  It's a lot of letters.
• 1:01
  You're historically terrible at spelling.
• 1:04
  Historically makes it sound like you learned about me in history class.
• 1:07
  They will probably put you down in the history book as one of the worst spellers to exist.
• 1:11
  They put you in right after the Battle of Bunker Hill.
• 1:15
  Also, Zach couldn't spell.
• 1:16
  This was many years later.
• 1:19
  There you go.
• 1:20
  Spell Bunker and spell Hill for us.
• 1:22
  Bunker, okay.
• 1:23
  So B, it's going to be.
• 1:26
  That was a given.
• 1:27
  Yeah, it's going to be a B-O-M-C-E-R.
• 1:35
  Bombser.
• 1:37
  Bombser.
• 1:38
  That was pretty close, I think.
• 1:40
  And Hill, Hill is going to be an H, obviously.
• 1:42
  Bombser sounds like a 70s TV show where it's like a private eye that investigates things weekly.
• 1:51
  On this episode of Bunker.
• 1:52
  This week on Bunker.
• 1:56
  Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract, purely hypothetical question?
• 2:01
  I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question.
• 2:04
  Well, that's a hypothetical question.
• 2:07
  All right, so for our first hypothetical, I'm going to ask you all a pre-question.
• 2:11
  Do you all consider yourselves to be cowards full of fear?
• 2:15
  Yes.
• 2:16
  Yeah.
• 2:17
  Yeah, I'd go with yeah.
• 2:18
  Yeah, okay.
• 2:19
  Well, I'm going to give you all an opportunity to tell everybody about one fear that if you could,
• 2:26
  you would get rid of.
• 2:26
  Just one fear that if I gave you the opportunity,
• 2:30
  you would say I want to be no longer fearful of that.
• 2:33
  What would that be?
• 2:34
  I would say I'd want to overcome my crippling fear of the piece of technology called the escalator.
• 2:45
  That's a tough one.
• 2:46
  That's a tough one.
• 2:48
  It was quite a problem.
• 2:50
  Anytime you went to the local indoor mall.
• 2:53
  There's always a couple of those there.
• 2:56
  It's frightening.
• 2:58
  I tend to tend to overestimate my abilities and I think I'll be able to get it this time.
• 3:05
  And I walk up to it.
• 3:06
  Now, Alan, you do realize the escalator is not a sport.
• 3:12
  Like it's not a part of the X Games.
• 3:13
  You would think that it was the way that I was hyping myself up to
• 3:19
  get in there and complete the escalator, if you will.
• 3:22
  Do you have a coach?
• 3:23
  Do you have a coach that like hypes you up,
• 3:25
  hits you on the shoulders before you hop on one?
• 3:27
  After one really bad experience with an escalator, I did have a nice elderly gentleman see me
• 3:35
  out in the mall that day.
• 3:37
  And he came over to me and he understood my plight.
• 3:41
  He got what I was going through.
• 3:42
  He said, I've been you before.
• 3:45
  I was once afraid of a piece of technology called the ladder.
• 3:51
  Oh, okay.
• 3:52
  So it's just an older generation's issue.
• 3:54
  And that's right.
• 3:55
  That's right.
• 3:55
  So it made me feel good because I knew that this is not a struggle that I was alone with.
• 4:05
  People have been afraid of going up and down things for quite some time.
• 4:11
  So walk me through how you get hyped up to ride an escalator to the next story.
• 4:17
  So my elderly man friend,
• 4:23
  my mentor,
• 4:24
  the guy Sage, Sage guidance, the guy that was once you, the guy, the guy that was once me.
• 4:30
  Yes.
• 4:31
  My, my Mr. Miyagi.
• 4:33
  I walked towards the escalator.
• 4:35
  He follows directly behind.
• 4:36
  He's got, uh, how close, how close does he fall directly behind?
• 4:41
  We measure that in inches.
• 4:45
  It's that close.
• 4:46
  It's very close, but he doesn't match my step.
• 4:49
  So he's always stepping on the.
• 4:50
  Oh, yeah.
• 4:51
  Yeah.
• 4:52
  Yeah, he's, he's a very short guy.
• 4:54
  His legs are, his legs are shorter than mine.
• 4:56
  So they walk at a different, uh, different pace.
• 4:59
  Yeah.
• 5:00
  Yeah. He's, he's always, always trying to get on my step.
• 5:03
  So all the while he's carrying mid two thousands Sony, uh, stereo.
• 5:13
  Like on his shoulder, on his shoulder, like a boom box.
• 5:15
  He thinks he looks better than he does.
• 5:17
  He does not.
• 5:17
  He doesn't look great.
• 5:19
  Um, and what he plays to hype me up is, um, the, uh, eighties band Asia.
• 5:25
  He plays, he plays here comes the feeling.
• 5:28
  Yeah.
• 5:29
  And for those of you who are listening at home and you don't really know me, um, here
• 5:35
  comes the feeling is it just puts you in the right place.
• 5:38
  Yeah.
• 5:38
  You know, jazzed up.
• 5:40
  Yeah.
• 5:40
  Oh, it gets you jazz.
• 5:42
  You're hopping up and down.
• 5:43
  Yeah.
• 5:44
  Yelling.
• 5:44
  Yeah.
• 5:45
  And boost the confidence, you know, and I get up there.
• 5:49
  And when I reached the metal plate in front of the escalator, that's when the music helps
• 5:55
  me no more.
• 5:57
  I begin to curl up into a fetal position.
• 5:59
  Oh, however, however, my, uh, sage mentor, he stops me from doing that.
• 6:08
  Okay.
• 6:08
  How does he do that?
• 6:10
  He has a night stick and the minute that I start to curl up, he just starts just
• 6:18
  hitting me, just smacking me in the gut.
• 6:24
  What does he say?
• 6:25
  What does he say?
• 6:26
  Why he's hitting you with the nightstick.
• 6:28
  He goes, oh yeah, here comes the feeling.
• 6:30
  And then he just keeps hitting me.
• 6:33
  But as, as much as it pains me to be hit in the gut with a nightstick, um, I don't,
• 6:41
  I don't get into that fetal position.
• 6:43
  I, I stand up and I take a step forward onto the escalator.
• 6:47
  I then tried to take another step back.
• 6:48
  He says, no, he pushes me onto the escalator.
• 6:51
  He doesn't give me the chance to step back.
• 6:54
  Yeah.
• 6:54
  Jumps on my back like Yoda from empire.
• 6:57
  It's a very small man.
• 6:58
  He's a very, he's a very small man.
• 7:02
  And he guides me up the escalator whispering in my ear, sweet nothings.
• 7:08
  Well, what does he whisper?
• 7:13
  He's just whispering constant thoughts to boost my confidence.
• 7:16
  Like things like you're a great guy.
• 7:20
  You smell good.
• 7:22
  Those pants fit you really well.
• 7:25
  Love the way those, uh, those dockers fit on you.
• 7:30
  Your shoulders are so tense.
• 7:34
  So to the outside world, it looks like I got an old man beating a younger man and then
• 7:39
  slowly riding up the escalator.
• 7:43
  Yeah.
• 7:44
  Yeah.
• 7:45
  You just look like a workhorse for this guy.
• 7:46
  Like an old donkey that he's just whipping into shape, but it won't do what he wants.
• 7:51
  This looks like a crazy episode of SVU.
• 7:56
  There's nothing sexual about it.
• 7:58
  Not for you.
• 8:02
  I'm willing to bet this other guy has somehow manipulated you.
• 8:06
  He's like your slave driver.
• 8:08
  It's some weird fetish he has.
• 8:10
  Probably some weird Stockholm syndrome that I'm involved in right now.
• 8:16
  God bless.
• 8:17
  Oh man.
• 8:18
  Is it helping?
• 8:19
  Yeah.
• 8:20
  It is helping.
• 8:20
  Now it helps, but he has to be there every time, which is why I think I'd like to just
• 8:26
  kick this, this fear.
• 8:28
  So you don't have to get beat by an old man in the middle of a mall?
• 8:31
  Yes.
• 8:32
  Is that why you haven't been to a mall in a long time?
• 8:34
  That is, that is true.
• 8:35
  Cause I mean, really I rely on him.
• 8:37
  Now I don't, I don't mean to get all psychologically deep here, but are you afraid of escalators?
• 8:42
  Are you afraid of old men beating you with nightstick?
• 8:45
  Yeah.
• 8:45
  If I had to say I was once afraid of the escalator, but I've started relying on the old man now.
• 8:51
  Now I'm afraid of losing the old man.
• 8:55
  Travert back to my fear of escalators.
• 8:58
  Oh man.
• 8:59
  You are in a pickle.
• 9:01
  What do you tell people that ask about your bruises?
• 9:03
  You were in public, you go to a family member's house and he's like,
• 9:05
  what do you have all these multiple bruises all over your legs and torso?
• 9:09
  Um, I look at them and I say, what bruises?
• 9:12
  Denial, deny, deny, deny.
• 9:14
  It's a great, yeah, it's fantastic strategy.
• 9:19
  So you know, do you think you're going to be overcoming this fear anytime soon?
• 9:22
  Or is this just going to be a circle of life for you?
• 9:25
  I'd love to overcome it.
• 9:26
  I don't see it happening anytime soon.
• 9:29
  You know, escalators are sort of, I feel like they're not used as much anymore.
• 9:33
  So I don't really have the opportunity to overcome it.
• 9:36
  I'm not going to say you probably to talk somebody professional.
• 9:38
  The old man?
• 9:41
  I'll talk to him if you want me to.
• 9:43
  I don't think he, I don't think we're helping him, Evan.
• 9:45
  He's, he's dependent.
• 9:47
  Yeah.
• 9:47
  Dependent on the old man.
• 9:48
  That old man is my drug.
• 9:51
  And Evan, do you have something, a fear that you would want to get rid of?
• 9:55
  I do.
• 9:55
  No, it's a safe space.
• 9:56
  This is a safe space?
• 9:57
  This is absolutely.
• 9:58
  He just told me he has a weird fetish for old men.
• 10:00
  Okay.
• 10:01
  And this isn't going to turn out.
• 10:02
  You heard a different story than what I told.
• 10:06
  So, uh, I mean, I gotta say my biggest fear, I don't run into this as often,
• 10:10
  but it's more of a fear that comes across my dreams.
• 10:13
  And when I'm walking down the sidewalk and in a neighborhood and I see the little squares
• 10:18
  for hopscotch, I get deathly afraid of a dog going through and doing that hopscotch.
• 10:25
  Wow.
• 10:25
  And I can't help myself from just crying at the thought of a dog doing hopscotch.
• 10:38
  It sounds terrifying.
• 10:39
  It sounds terrifying.
• 10:42
  So are you afraid that the dog has the ability to do that or how it's going to make you feel
• 10:47
  if you saw the dog doing it?
• 10:48
  It's a mix of both, but mainly how I would feel seeing a dog do hopscotch.
• 10:52
  Is it because you can't do hopscotch and now you're facing the fact that even an animal
• 10:56
  can do hopscotch better than you?
• 10:57
  It's a little bit of that, but it's also the unknown factor of is it going to do it on
• 11:02
  four legs or is it going to do it on two legs?
• 11:03
  I was going to ask you that.
• 11:05
  I was going to ask.
• 11:05
  I'm not sure.
• 11:06
  And honestly, the thought of either one, I can't even picture it doing it on two legs
• 11:11
  because that's just, that is terrifying.
• 11:14
  But even on four legs.
• 11:16
  How do you picture it on four legs?
• 11:18
  Well, you know, you just see it on four legs.
• 11:20
  Well, you know, you just see a dog hopping, but sometimes it'll hop on one foot.
• 11:24
  Sometimes it'll hop on two feet and then, yeah, you know what I mean?
• 11:29
  You know hopscotch and how four legs work.
• 11:30
  You know how four legs on hopscotch work.
• 11:32
  I can safely tell you that I've never seen somebody in four legged hopscotch.
• 11:38
  You don't want to.
• 11:41
  I've had nightmares about this.
• 11:43
  It never ends well.
• 11:44
  Ends in pandemonium, the collapse of governments and hopscotch is basically
• 11:50
  just a gateway drug.
• 11:51
  Yeah, it is communism.
• 11:53
  Yeah.
• 11:53
  So when you're walking down a neighborhood sidewalk, the birds are chirping, sun shining.
• 11:58
  You have a song in your heart and all of a sudden you come up to a crudely
• 12:02
  drawn hopscotch game on the sidewalk.
• 12:05
  Do you just, what do you do?
• 12:06
  You just stand in paralyzed fear.
• 12:08
  That's the first 15 seconds of it.
• 12:11
  I stand there.
• 12:12
  I assess the situation.
• 12:13
  I realize what's happened or what might happen in the future.
• 12:16
  And I see a dog coming the other way, a person walking their dog.
• 12:20
  I'm coming the other way and I'll flash back to my nightmares.
• 12:23
  And it's just flashes in my mind.
• 12:26
  And basically just war scenes.
• 12:28
  So as the dog, as I see the dog in my head doing hopscotch, bombs are dropping on my city,
• 12:35
  on my home.
• 12:36
  There's sirens going off.
• 12:38
  Planes are flying over with just dropping absolute haymakers on cities.
• 12:43
  No one makes it out alive.
• 12:44
  It's all over again.
• 12:46
  Yeah.
• 12:46
  Everybody's worried about Russia right now.
• 12:48
  They should be worried about dogs doing hopscotch.
• 12:50
  He needs to be Putin on his big boy shoes.
• 12:52
  If he's, if he's trying to start world war three before the dogs doing hopscotch too.
• 12:58
  Are you proud of that one?
• 13:03
  So you said that you have nightmares about this.
• 13:06
  Is that where it started?
• 13:07
  A nightmare?
• 13:08
  Do you think that it could be because of the amount of Nyquil you drink before bed?
• 13:15
  All right, boys.
• 13:15
  My fear is when I go through a grocery store, say Kroger, Publix, Walmart, you know, a grocery store.
• 13:24
  Those are some of them.
• 13:25
  Name three more, please.
• 13:27
  Piggly Wiggly.
• 13:30
  I think you're trying to convince us, you know, what a grocery store is.
• 13:33
  I know what you've never been before.
• 13:34
  Guys, I know what a grocery store is.
• 13:36
  So what I do in these grocery stores is I see all these buggies that are filled with things in them.
• 13:42
  Y'all know you'll walk around the grocery stores.
• 13:43
  Somebody leaves a buggy somewhere maybe to go grab another item and come back and put in the buggy.
• 13:47
  I am fearful that I'm going to get caught stealing these buggies.
• 13:50
  I don't want to shop.
• 13:51
  So what I do is I just go into grocery stores, find one of these loose buggies filled with items,
• 13:56
  various items that I don't necessarily need, and I just take them.
• 14:00
  I just walk with the buggy and walk off with them.
• 14:03
  Now, I want you to know I pay for them.
• 14:05
  I do pay for the goods in the buggy.
• 14:07
  I don't steal the items, but I do take the items from whoever that person is
• 14:13
  in the store.
• 14:13
  So they come back to their spot where they stash their buggy.
• 14:16
  It's no longer theirs because I'm walking away with it.
• 14:18
  Now, you might say, wow, Zach, this is a very efficient process of stealing, but it isn't,
• 14:24
  believe it or not, because I come home with a bunch of various goods that I don't need.
• 14:27
  Yeah, you don't know if you need it or not.
• 14:29
  You steal it.
• 14:30
  I go to the store needing milk.
• 14:32
  I come home with paprika.
• 14:34
  I don't know what paprika is or how to use it.
• 14:36
  You're really playing the lottery of the grocery store right there.
• 14:40
  It makes it very exciting.
• 14:41
  Let me help you out from a legal standpoint.
• 14:44
  I don't think I think you're in the clear.
• 14:46
  I think you're good.
• 14:47
  I think so, too.
• 14:48
  They haven't paid for these things yet.
• 14:50
  They've just got them in their buggies.
• 14:52
  Right.
• 14:52
  So you're not really stealing from them.
• 14:56
  It's just it's really more inconveniencing them.
• 14:58
  Yeah.
• 14:59
  You know, I'm afraid that at one point somebody is going to catch me,
• 15:02
  recognize the goods that they are trying to buy, and then I get into an altercation.
• 15:07
  Do you have like a time limit on like how long somebody has to be away from their
• 15:10
  buggy before you take it?
• 15:10
  No, I just see I just see a buggy unintended, an unintended buggy.
• 15:15
  I take it.
• 15:15
  I walk off with it with the confidence that it's my buggy and that I want this 24 pack of Dr.
• 15:21
  Pepper.
• 15:21
  All right.
• 15:21
  Now, I'm kind of confused because the other day you were walking around outside and you
• 15:27
  saw a wasp sitting on the ground and you said, oh, look, it's an unintended buggy.
• 15:35
  I need to know what is what.
• 15:37
  So, yeah, I will naturally just kind of collect and snatch up bug buggies on the ground.
• 15:45
  I have I have a pantry full of random assortments of items from a grocery store and just a house
• 15:51
  filled with buggies.
• 15:52
  OK, just a house.
• 15:53
  It looks like that cleared it up.
• 15:55
  Yeah.
• 15:56
  We're going to know what buggy you come home with.
• 16:00
  I've yet to find a buggy full of buggies, so that's maybe something I'm the holy grail,
• 16:05
  really.
• 16:06
  Yeah, it's on my bucket list.
• 16:07
  I actually like this system.
• 16:10
  It's like it's like going to the casino and you never know where you're going to come home.
• 16:12
  I really like it.
• 16:13
  And I know once I grab the buggy, I don't the shopping buggy.
• 16:17
  I don't put it down.
• 16:18
  It doesn't matter what's in it.
• 16:19
  It doesn't matter if it's filled with 36 packs of tampons.
• 16:22
  I'm taking that home.
• 16:23
  So do you do any kind of profiling before you know there's no Allen?
• 16:27
  I cannot express enough how little thought goes into this for me.
• 16:30
  This is there.
• 16:31
  It's there. I walk into the store and I'm surprised that I'm in a store.
• 16:36
  I'm like, oh, oh, I'm in Kroger and I see a buggy.
• 16:39
  I'm like, oh, I'm here.
• 16:40
  I'm fearful for you.
• 16:41
  Yeah. I don't know why I need a 25 pound bag of dog food and cream cheese,
• 16:47
  but I have it now and that's what I'm going home with.
• 16:49
  I don't have a dog.
• 16:50
  I don't own a dog.
• 16:51
  I'm trying to grasp the fear in this.
• 16:53
  What? Where? What are you afraid of that?
• 16:54
  You're going to come home with something wrong or no, I have come.
• 16:58
  I have come home with many things wrong.
• 17:00
  It's just that you're doing this and you're afraid you're going to get caught.
• 17:03
  That hypothetical buggy of 25 10 packs of tampons that actually happened.
• 17:07
  That's not okay.
• 17:08
  That's for real.
• 17:09
  No, I'm afraid that we get caught and I'm going to get beat up.
• 17:11
  There's going to be altercation in Kroger.
• 17:13
  It's going to be embarrassing because while I am very sneaky and I can still
• 17:17
  buggies, I'm not good at fighting.
• 17:19
  So you think 25 tampons was going to beat you up?
• 17:23
  I cannot express to you how bad I am at fighting.
• 17:26
  Now, but also if a woman needs 25 packs of tampons, that woman is probably named Helga
• 17:35
  and she has the forearms of Popeye and I do not want to fight her.
• 17:38
  She has the flow of denial.
• 17:39
  Yeah, we should say we're very pro women.
• 17:43
  Yeah, yeah, of course.
• 17:46
  We think women are great.
• 17:47
  We understand their plight.
• 17:50
  We talk about it off the air a lot.
• 17:51
  But that is a very real fear of mine and I think I'm going to go to Kroger after we're
• 17:56
  done recording this and maybe pick up a buggy and, you know, do my daily shopping.
• 18:00
  Yeah, let us know what you get.
• 18:02
  So is it the first one you see when you walk in the store?
• 18:04
  Yeah, first unintended one.
• 18:06
  Like I said, there's no thought into this.
• 18:07
  It's all sporadic.
• 18:09
  Or if it's one of those that the workers are using to restock the shelves and then you
• 18:14
  just get 76 boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios.
• 18:16
  It has happened before, Evan.
• 18:17
  It's happened before.
• 18:18
  I've seen it.
• 18:19
  I have a ton of different items.
• 18:22
  I know a lot of the times when you walk into Kroger's, the vegetable section is at the
• 18:25
  front, which would really suck if the first one you saw was just nothing but a bunch of
• 18:29
  peppers.
• 18:29
  Now, there was a time, a phase, I could say that I went through where my house was filled
• 18:35
  with mostly vegetables and I am bad about taking it out.
• 18:38
  So the vegetables rotted in my house, which is vegetables anyway.
• 18:43
  No, vegetables are bad for you.
• 18:44
  And that's I truly believe that carnivore.
• 18:46
  Yeah.
• 18:47
  But the buggies that I have in my house loves the rotting vegetables.
• 18:50
  So really I have an entire ecosystem.
• 18:52
  That worked out well.
• 18:53
  An ecosystem of supplying buggies by buggies.
• 18:58
  I love it.
• 18:58
  Yeah.
• 18:59
  All right.
• 19:00
  So our next question is if you're a college professor, what class are you teaching?
• 19:05
  Now, I know we're all people who have a lot of knowledge and we like to.
• 19:10
  Educated.
• 19:11
  We like to share that knowledge with other people.
• 19:15
  So yeah, what do we think?
• 19:16
  What classes?
• 19:17
  Well, as a severely, severely educated person that I am, I have a lot to give back to the
• 19:24
  younger generation.
• 19:26
  So I would teach a class completely based around educating students on how to live in
• 19:33
  people's cars.
• 19:34
  The class would be based around walking around parking lots, scoping out, finding the weakest
• 19:40
  link in the parking lot.
• 19:41
  The easiest car is a break.
• 19:42
  What to bring on your little stranger car camp out.
• 19:45
  How to not get caught by the strangers.
• 19:48
  So basically this class will mostly involve us not being in the classroom, which everybody
• 19:53
  loves.
• 19:53
  Everybody loves a class that you're not sitting in a classroom.
• 19:56
  This classroom would take place mostly in parking lots.
• 19:58
  We'll break into cars.
• 19:59
  We'll live in the back seat of strangers cars.
• 20:03
  And basically how we test that is the stranger gets in the car.
• 20:09
  It's a break in the car.
• 20:10
  The stranger gets in the car, it's me and a student.
• 20:13
  I'm down on the floorboard behind the seat.
• 20:15
  The student is sleeping, laying down on the back seat.
• 20:21
  The stranger is talking on the phone, turning up the radio.
• 20:23
  The student is looking afraid.
• 20:25
  I'm sitting down there clipboard grading them, writing notes down for the student.
• 20:31
  It's like instead of drivers in, it's riders in.
• 20:33
  Yeah.
• 20:36
  That's exactly what it is.
• 20:37
  And depending on if they get caught or how close they came to getting caught, I will grade
• 20:42
  them on a scale of A to F. F being obviously if they got caught and they're in prison now
• 20:47
  for breaking and entering.
• 20:49
  But I think this has residual effects throughout society as people don't want need homes anymore.
• 20:55
  You go through this class, you major in writer's ed.
• 20:59
  You will never have to buy a home.
• 21:00
  It's a victimless crime.
• 21:01
  It's a victimless crime.
• 21:02
  You're just living in there.
• 21:04
  Yeah.
• 21:04
  I think it'd be really cool if this was kind of a first year class because let's say everybody
• 21:09
  has to take it.
• 21:10
  Sophomore year, they find out college is not for them.
• 21:12
  They're going to be a dropout.
• 21:13
  Yeah, absolutely.
• 21:13
  They're going to not contribute anything to society, but they've already been to writer's
• 21:17
  ed.
• 21:18
  So they know how to break into cars.
• 21:19
  Yeah.
• 21:20
  I'm slightly offended that you believe my class will only cater to the dead beats.
• 21:27
  But also that second year when they know, when they realize how much college costs
• 21:33
  and how much debt they're going to be in, they may still be in college, but they would
• 21:37
  be like, I would rather not spend all my money on a house.
• 21:40
  Yeah, exactly.
• 21:40
  Just live in cars.
• 21:42
  Evan believes in the people that would take my class.
• 21:45
  I don't believe in them.
• 21:46
  Because again, it's a victimless crime.
• 21:48
  Who loses here?
• 21:48
  You know?
• 21:49
  Nobody loses.
• 21:50
  I will say university housing might come for you because they want that money.
• 21:56
  Listen, if that's the only victim in this, then fine.
• 21:59
  The student gets a place to live.
• 22:00
  The car gets a warm body in it.
• 22:02
  Yeah.
• 22:03
  The driver gets to know that they have provided something for someone else.
• 22:07
  But does the driver know this or?
• 22:09
  Not if they're not, if they pass the class is true, but let's just say it's,
• 22:14
  but they get that unknown company.
• 22:17
  They get the feeling that somebody is watching them.
• 22:20
  And really, can you put a price on that?
• 22:23
  So I'm walking into class first day of class, got my notebook, college ruled page.
• 22:28
  You don't need all that.
• 22:29
  Couple of sharpened pencils.
• 22:30
  You don't, Alan, put that, take that back, take that back.
• 22:35
  You might need the grappling hook.
• 22:38
  So I sit down.
• 22:39
  What am I, what am I going to start off learning on the first day?
• 22:42
  Oh, so first day you come in grappling hook.
• 22:45
  Alan, why is that the first thing you brought?
• 22:46
  That's what I immediately ask.
• 22:48
  You need more things, but you first day we're learning how to pick out cars.
• 22:53
  You know, you want to go for a darker color car.
• 22:56
  It's harder for people to see you around it.
• 22:58
  Less contrast of color between you and the car.
• 23:01
  Next, we're going to learn maybe how to jimmy lock.
• 23:04
  And if there's a guy named jimmy in there, all the better.
• 23:06
  Jimmy jimmies the lock well.
• 23:08
  I think that'd make for a fun joke.
• 23:09
  It would make for a great joke.
• 23:11
  It hasn't, it hasn't happened yet in the class, but I am heavily recruiting jimmies.
• 23:19
  I oftentimes will find a jimmy, be in his car, come out of the back and be like,
• 23:24
  you want to be in the class with me?
• 23:25
  I'm like, look, you didn't even notice me in the back seat, did you?
• 23:27
  You even noticed me that you want to be in my class?
• 23:29
  You could do that.
• 23:31
  What I'm hearing is, is that you're trying to get jimmies in the back of cars.
• 23:37
  I don't really care if they come back there with me.
• 23:39
  I just want them in my class.
• 23:43
  First day of class, first week of class, really just laying the groundwork of how to pick the
• 23:48
  vehicle, how to pick the person.
• 23:50
  You know, if it's a blind person, great, all the better.
• 23:53
  Use their car.
• 23:54
  That's kind of a holy grail because you don't see a lot of people, blind people driving.
• 23:57
  I think, I think that's a great idea.
• 23:59
  I would take that class.
• 24:00
  I would also say maybe teach them how to find roomy vehicles.
• 24:04
  Always look for the big ones.
• 24:06
  That's a great point.
• 24:07
  You want to be a teacher's assistant?
• 24:08
  That's a great point.
• 24:09
  I could be a great TA.
• 24:10
  Yeah.
• 24:12
  Yeah, big vehicles.
• 24:13
  And by the way, trucks don't count.
• 24:15
  The beds, they don't count.
• 24:17
  So you have to be in the cab.
• 24:19
  So if you pick a, if you pick a bed of a truck, F, you fail, you're gone.
• 24:23
  So what about the trunk of the car?
• 24:24
  Trunk of a car is permissible on the grounds that you can get into the vehicle from the trunk.
• 24:31
  I see.
• 24:32
  So you say you sit there and you grade these people.
• 24:34
  What's your grading scale?
• 24:35
  Like, what are you grading them on?
• 24:36
  What's the curriculum?
• 24:37
  So like I said earlier, COT is an automatic fail.
• 24:40
  You're failed out of the class.
• 24:41
  Go back to your student housing, your big roomy student housing with a bed.
• 24:46
  Go back to that.
• 24:47
  Live like that for a little bit.
• 24:48
  See how you like it.
• 24:49
  And A, if you get an A in my class, basically you have lived in a stranger's car without
• 24:56
  being caught for the entire semester.
• 24:58
  You have basically set up shop there.
• 25:00
  You might have had a couple of kids in there in the vehicle.
• 25:04
  You've forced a woman to go and labor in the vehicle.
• 25:06
  They, strangers haven't caught you.
• 25:08
  Wow.
• 25:09
  Yeah.
• 25:09
  It's really, I've only had one other person do that.
• 25:12
  Only one person's gotten A in your class.
• 25:14
  Yeah.
• 25:15
  It's mostly failed.
• 25:16
  It's a mostly failed class.
• 25:17
  It's a very difficult class.
• 25:18
  It brings down a lot of GPAs.
• 25:20
  And you wonder why I said these are probably going to be a lot of college friends.
• 25:24
  You are tanking their GPAs.
• 25:27
  Your rigorous grading skills.
• 25:28
  They thought they took this class going, this isn't going to be an easy class.
• 25:31
  Nope.
• 25:32
  You're going to leave.
• 25:32
  This was going to be a sleeper.
• 25:33
  Yeah.
• 25:34
  You're going to leave.
• 25:35
  He's here.
• 25:36
  He is here.
• 25:37
  Do you want to come, do you want to guest speak in my class, Evan?
• 25:39
  I do actually.
• 25:42
  All right, Alan, what, what class would you teach?
• 25:46
  You being a very educated man as well.
• 25:48
  I know a lot.
• 25:48
  I feel like I have a lot to give to the younger generation.
• 25:52
  I'd like to teach them fencing.
• 25:54
  Oh, that's pretty cool.
• 25:55
  Yeah, that's nice.
• 25:56
  Yeah, but not so old classy to classy.
• 25:58
  It's a classy sport.
• 25:59
  Well, not the sport that you're probably thinking.
• 26:02
  Oh, okay.
• 26:03
  I'm thinking of fencing like fence building.
• 26:08
  That's what I'm going to teach him.
• 26:09
  Okay.
• 26:09
  Yeah.
• 26:10
  Now, obviously you'll probably still, I still like for him to carry a sword.
• 26:14
  I think, I think it really adds a lot to, to the class.
• 26:21
  Probably not a lot of sword wielding classes on campus.
• 26:23
  No, I would say not.
• 26:25
  But yeah, I want to teach him how to, how to build fences.
• 26:28
  But first, before we, obviously before you build, you've got to,
• 26:31
  you've got to learn the background.
• 26:33
  So it's really a three semester class.
• 26:36
  You don't even get to touch a fence in the first semester.
• 26:39
  Yeah.
• 26:39
  So I really, really try to get them, get them hooked that semester.
• 26:43
  Yeah.
• 26:44
  They want that fence.
• 26:45
  We learn the history of fences.
• 26:47
  We learn what they're best used for.
• 26:50
  We learn the best soil that a fence post can go into.
• 26:54
  Now, do walls count in this class?
• 26:56
  Do y'all look fondly on Donald Trump and his, his plan to build the wall?
• 27:00
  Like do y'all use that as a?
• 27:02
  Yeah, actually that's, that's sort of what I use when I,
• 27:05
  when I crank up the overhead projector.
• 27:09
  To your laminated paper.
• 27:10
  With my laminated paper, I put up a picture of, of the US Mexico border.
• 27:18
  And I say, guys, now that's a fence.
• 27:20
  Yeah.
• 27:22
  But we also do point out flaws where, I mean, you know, obviously we've got
• 27:26
  people coming, coming over and not to make this a political podcast, but you know,
• 27:30
  we say, how can we make this fence better?
• 27:35
  How can less people get through this?
• 27:37
  More things in.
• 27:38
  Yeah.
• 27:38
  Yes.
• 27:39
  Yes. How can we keep more things in and not keep them out?
• 27:42
  Yeah. And so, um, I think, you know, next second semester, we're obviously
• 27:47
  working in more of a lab setting.
• 27:49
  I've weeded out the people who don't have, don't have what it takes to be in fencing.
• 27:54
  Um, in fencing, this is fencing 102.
• 27:58
  Cause they've obviously passed 101.
• 28:00
  Yeah.
• 28:00
  We're learning a lot building model fences.
• 28:03
  And then in 103, I send them out to construction sites.
• 28:08
  Well, how do they?
• 28:08
  They can build fences.
• 28:09
  How do you find these constructions?
• 28:10
  Do you send them out to like a home depot parking lot and they have to like,
• 28:14
  find a, find a job.
• 28:19
  All right, Alan.
• 28:20
  So now you talked about their use, the uses of a fence and from what I know about fences,
• 28:26
  the two main uses of a fence is to keep things in and to keep things out.
• 28:30
  So what are your top three things both ways to keep in or out?
• 28:34
  That's a great question.
• 28:35
  Um, I think top three things to keep in that's it toughest to keep in, I guess I'll say.
• 28:40
  Oh, oh, toughest to keep.
• 28:42
  Yeah.
• 28:42
  Okay.
• 28:43
  First is probably rhino.
• 28:45
  Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
• 28:47
  Yeah, that makes sense.
• 28:47
  Yeah.
• 28:48
  You know, they're very, very difficult.
• 28:49
  They're large, large mammals.
• 28:51
  They can, uh, they can really plow through a fence if it's not properly secure and stable.
• 28:57
  I would say the second thing, a woman in heat.
• 29:08
  They, they do seem like they would crawl up a wall like an exercise demon.
• 29:15
  Very difficult.
• 29:16
  Very difficult.
• 29:17
  Very difficult.
• 29:21
  Give me number three.
• 29:24
  Let's not dwell on that one.
• 29:25
  Let's keep it.
• 29:27
  Number three, number three, all birds in general.
• 29:32
  Yeah.
• 29:32
  It'd be hard to keep birds in the fence.
• 29:34
  Yeah.
• 29:34
  Birds are kind of a unique creature in that they have wings.
• 29:39
  We're not, there's not a lot going on here on earth that has wings.
• 29:42
  It's not a bird.
• 29:43
  That's true.
• 29:44
  What's that?
• 29:45
  You got planes and dragons and dragons.
• 29:47
  I don't know what, where you're running into mystical horse that has wings and one horn.
• 29:52
  Yeah.
• 29:53
  Okay. Well, I would imagine, I would imagine if we went, if we went, um, the Dungeons and
• 30:00
  Dragons route, I'm sure a unicorn would be kind of hard to keep in a fence.
• 30:07
  Vegas here in reality.
• 30:09
  Yeah, let's live in reality.
• 30:10
  I guess that makes sense.
• 30:11
  No, I appreciate you giving me that list to your class.
• 30:14
  You're teaching there, Evan.
• 30:15
  It's my class.
• 30:16
  I'm not going to do anything illegal, like illegal, like yours.
• 30:19
  It wasn't illegal.
• 30:20
  It's only illegal if you call it.
• 30:21
  Okay. Frowned upon.
• 30:24
  I do think it's necessary to know, especially if you're going to go into anything action based.
• 30:29
  So what I'm going to do is I'm going to teach people how to drive their cars under 18 wheelers
• 30:36
  in real life.
• 30:37
  Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it comes in use in a lot of different situations.
• 30:42
  You're running from the cops.
• 30:43
  Yeah.
• 30:43
  You're in a sticky situation where a truck's turning and you're trying to
• 30:46
  turn as well to get across the street.
• 30:48
  Just go under the truck.
• 30:50
  Maybe you just need some excitement.
• 30:51
  Maybe this is a boring Monday afternoon.
• 30:53
  You're like, I need to spice this up a little bit.
• 30:55
  Yeah. Yeah. And we've all seen Christmas vacation where they, you know,
• 30:58
  they're racing the guy and get stuck under the 18 wheeler.
• 31:01
  So, you know, that kept them alive at that point.
• 31:04
  So why wouldn't you want to know that?
• 31:05
  I assume that, you know, Allen's class kind of started off low and kind of worked its way up,
• 31:12
  built its way up to the point where they were building fences.
• 31:15
  They had the final product.
• 31:17
  I want to assume, knowing you, that yours is the opposite.
• 31:20
  Yeah, very much so.
• 31:22
  It's a very do or die situation.
• 31:24
  Yeah. It sounds like instead of driver's head, it's more like driver's dead.
• 31:28
  Yeah.
• 31:33
  It's also been referred to as driver's head.
• 31:38
  Because they found the driver's head on the ground.
• 31:40
  On the sidewalk.
• 31:41
  Yeah.
• 31:42
  Yeah. We start big and then we kind of work our way backwards to get the intricacies.
• 31:47
  So, I mean, you want to present the big picture to them so that they know what's happening.
• 31:51
  You don't want them to be confused about what they're doing.
• 31:53
  Absolutely.
• 31:54
  So you got to go out there and you got to show them how to do it first.
• 31:59
  I've never failed, obviously, but some people do.
• 32:02
  And they would be considered dropouts in my, they get an F.
• 32:07
  Because their head dropped out of the vehicle.
• 32:08
  They drop out.
• 32:10
  So what's the normal dropout rate after the first class?
• 32:14
  After the first class.
• 32:15
  Which according to your structure is you were driving at 60 miles per hour.
• 32:20
  You see an 18-wheeler taking a hard left under that thing.
• 32:22
  Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.
• 32:24
  I say, I don't know. They did the reporting on it a couple of years ago.
• 32:31
  This class has been around for a couple of years.
• 32:33
  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. People love it. That make it out.
• 32:36
  And it's got about a 40% success rate, which is pretty good for our industry.
• 32:42
  So if you start with a, I assume you get about a hundred students.
• 32:44
  So about 60 of them, they're not making it out.
• 32:47
  And I'd say they ride together sometimes.
• 32:51
  So some of them take get taken out in one tail swoop, which is kind of how I like to do it.
• 32:56
  We'd out the weak ones just so we can get the real, where the money's at, you know,
• 33:00
  You want to find the kids that are serious.
• 33:02
  Yeah. Yeah. You want to know who, who really wants to be there.
• 33:05
  And you know, you weed out the weaklings because they don't make it.
• 33:08
  They are bad at driving.
• 33:09
  But if you ride with a weakling, you in, you might as well be a weakling.
• 33:14
  So it weeds them out too.
• 33:15
  So question for you though, how do you monitor their driving?
• 33:19
  Like obviously you're, you're comfortable riding with the good drivers,
• 33:23
  but what about the weaklings?
• 33:24
  Do you ride with them? I don't ride with them.
• 33:26
  I can tell who's a weakling and I'm like, I'm not dying today.
• 33:29
  So I monitor them from a safe distance.
• 33:32
  I get on the interstate.
• 33:34
  I, well, I, I post up on the side of the interstate with some binoculars.
• 33:38
  I see an 18 wheeler coming.
• 33:39
  They're posted up on the side as well.
• 33:41
  We have a walkie talkie.
• 33:42
  I say, gun it, get behind this 18 wheeler.
• 33:44
  They come.
• 33:45
  I got my binoculars on it and I'm like, this is not going to end well,
• 33:49
  but best of luck to you.
• 33:52
  You tell them that over the walkie talkie.
• 33:55
  I know who's not going to do it right.
• 33:56
  So go ahead and give me the entire walkie talkie spill.
• 33:59
  So let's put you out on the, yeah, I'm out on the interstate.
• 34:02
  Yeah. Out on the interstate.
• 34:03
  They're pushed up down the interstate a ways.
• 34:05
  18 wheelers coming.
• 34:06
  18 wheelers coming.
• 34:06
  I say, all right, you've done it.
• 34:09
  All right, you've done it.
• 34:12
  You got a sixer on your Niner and you're going to do a whiskey whiskey into the
• 34:19
  underbelly of the dragon here.
• 34:21
  It's not going to end well for you, but best of luck to you.
• 34:27
  The worst handler ever.
• 34:30
  No, I want to point out this is the first day you have taught them nothing.
• 34:35
  You're throwing a bunch of lingo and code words out there.
• 34:39
  I say, this is whiskey tango signing off for the last time.
• 34:44
  Hang up the radio.
• 34:46
  Honestly, I just walk away and then I see it on the news story later.
• 34:50
  I say, this is not my problem anymore.
• 34:53
  You go to lunch.
• 34:54
  Like, I can't be attached to that.
• 34:58
  Gosh.
• 35:01
  Man.
• 35:01
  That's how we start the year.
• 35:03
  But as it goes on, we go to the intricacies of it.
• 35:06
  What's the best vehicle to do it in?
• 35:07
  Obviously you want to low rider like a Miata or something like that.
• 35:10
  Then we also go through how you can do it in style.
• 35:15
  The end of Smokey and the Bandit, whenever they ride under one in a cop car
• 35:20
  and it takes off the top of the car, but they all duck.
• 35:23
  So they pop up and it's basically a convertible now.
• 35:28
  That's like doing it in style where you're taking the roof off
• 35:31
  and you're making it through.
• 35:32
  As long as you don't die.
• 35:32
  Yeah, you're not dead, are you?
• 35:34
  I would not take the class, but I would love to come out there
• 35:37
  and stand with you while you watch.
• 35:39
  Yeah, you would not make it through.
• 35:40
  I can tell already.
• 35:42
  Okay.
• 35:42
  Well, now I have to take the class to prove I'm wrong.
• 35:45
  Good luck to you.
• 35:46
  So do you have any anybody that ever wants to come in and say,
• 35:50
  hey, I'm riding a hog.
• 35:52
  I got myself a Harley.
• 35:54
  Yeah, we've had one or two of those.
• 35:55
  How do those fare?
• 35:56
  Well, the roughest part of it is people that want to ride with them.
• 35:59
  You know, you always got to have somebody with you.
• 36:01
  So they got three people on the back of a Harley.
• 36:05
  Wow.
• 36:07
  So you make two people ride in a car, three people on a motorcycle.
• 36:10
  Yeah, yeah.
• 36:10
  Okay.
• 36:10
  Three people in the back of a Harley.
• 36:12
  And I say, gun it, buddy.
• 36:13
  And honestly, the best part of those is how they slide out
• 36:16
  and they just skid across and maybe get clipped by an 18 wheeler wheel.
• 36:20
  You can't trust that one, but normally they do make it under,
• 36:24
  but their balance is off because they got to kind of tilt.
• 36:26
  So they just slide out on the interstate and I mean, mostly make it out,
• 36:30
  but one or two on the back, it clipped by a wheel.
• 36:33
  Yeah, they don't sit down.
• 36:34
  It's going to happen.
• 36:35
  It's going to happen.
• 36:36
  Which they should have expected that.
• 36:37
  So that's really on them at that point.
• 36:39
  60% is going to go.
• 36:41
  You know, 60% got to get to that number somehow.
• 36:42
  Yep.
• 36:43
  Oh, that's a quota.
• 36:45
  That's a quota for you.
• 36:48
  You have to hit that benchmark.
• 36:50
  Yeah, the education department, the dean doesn't like it
• 36:52
  when I don't hit that metric.
• 36:53
  Oh, man.
• 36:55
  They got too many people paying.
• 36:56
  Yeah, they like to get their money on the front end of the semester
• 37:00
  and then that's right.
• 37:01
  And nobody found.
• 37:02
  Yeah.
• 37:03
  Boys moving on to our third question here, and we're all for entertaining others.
• 37:08
  And we were in the fighting spirit.
• 37:10
  Alan, you love fencing.
• 37:11
  So if you were going to.
• 37:14
  Evan misunderstood what you're talking about.
• 37:17
  If you were going to move into the entertainment industry of the WWE,
• 37:22
  the worldwide wrestling federation, if you will.
• 37:24
  Oh, I don't know what it stands for, but
• 37:28
  what would your your name and your persona be?
• 37:31
  It actually it stands for weird, wacky exercise.
• 37:33
  Oh, at least at least the letters match up to your acronym.
• 37:38
  You had a federation in there.
• 37:40
  There's no F in the WWE.
• 37:41
  So if I had to come up with my own WWE persona, I would call myself the housekeeper.
• 37:48
  Nice.
• 37:49
  I would come in.
• 37:51
  Well, don't worry, it's not.
• 37:52
  OK, far from it.
• 37:54
  I come in dressed in a housekeeper's uniform like I work at a hotel.
• 37:59
  I push a cart into the the ring area thing.
• 38:06
  I've got on my apron.
• 38:07
  I've got an assortment of spraying aerosol cleaners.
• 38:11
  Really cool.
• 38:12
  And my finishing move is a move called making the bed.
• 38:18
  And in making the bed, I incapacitate my opponent and then I get a little
• 38:23
  bit of support from my opponent and then I build an entire bed around.
• 38:30
  You make a bed frame and all my opponent in so tightly that he's not able to get out.
• 38:35
  You swaddle him.
• 38:36
  I swallow like a baby.
• 38:40
  That's very cool.
• 38:41
  That's very cool.
• 38:42
  Do you come in?
• 38:43
  Like you have an apron, you have like your like hotel.
• 38:46
  I imagine you like a hotel janitor.
• 38:48
  Yeah, something like that.
• 38:48
  Yeah.
• 38:49
  Do you do you say room keeping when you enter the ring?
• 38:52
  When I'm entering the ring, I have somebody bring a door frame
• 38:59
  They can't see me behind it and I give a little little knock-knock and I say housekeeping crowd go
• 39:09
  Nuts right now. Yeah, how do you say it? You just say housekeeping? Yeah. Yeah, give it to it
• 39:13
  Housekeeping
• 39:20
  Some hardcore rock music comes on
• 39:24
  That's really cool I kicked that door open and push my little squeaky wheeled cart in there
• 39:31
  Got my Lysol raise in your hands. Yeah raising my hands. Yeah, I'm just I'm spraying Lysol in the air
• 39:38
  Like I'm shooting off a gun
• 39:40
  People people are going insane
• 39:45
  And I just use my my various
• 39:48
  Various items that I have in my cart to I mean you have an extension cord in that car
• 39:53
  Oh, yeah, you know all the sprays really irritating eyes. I got a got a broom, you know got a mop. Yeah vacuum
• 40:00
  Yeah, what else what else do janitors carry around Alan?
• 40:03
  That's okay, yeah, so the people like once you make the bed do you give them like a little kiss on the forehead?
• 40:15
  Do janitors do that to you normally
• 40:17
  Janitors but housekeepers housekeepers do that to you
• 40:19
  I mean, I mean if they make the bed around me then yeah, sure
• 40:23
  I expect them to if I'm in the room and I'm in bed and they swaddle me the last thing that they have to do is
• 40:28
  Give me a kiss on the forehead
• 40:30
  Do you do that just to make it not weird? Yeah. Do you not know housekeeper?
• 40:33
  I guess I've had some very disconnected emotionally housekeepers. They're not very affectionate
• 40:40
  When I do that finishing move of make the bed and I've got that got that opponent all tucked in real nice
• 40:47
  Tuck him in real good. I take out a nice cool towel and I dab his forehead because he's sweaty
• 40:54
  My dad is forehead
• 40:56
  Give him a little peck and I say night night
• 41:01
  And then I leave
• 41:03
  crowd goes wild crowd absolutely
• 41:06
  The the ref gets down on all fours and slaps the the mat. Oh, yeah, I'm the three
• 41:12
  Yeah, you know he counts it. Oh, you you you beat it. That's really cool. You said that wasn't gonna be cool
• 41:16
  I would yeah that very cool. I really like very cool wrestler
• 41:20
  So my wrestling name and persona would be the dog walker. Nice. Yeah. All right. Yeah, so I'm coming out and
• 41:29
  Entrance smoke comes up. I come out. I got three pit bulls on leashes
• 41:34
  Decked out in my my little visor hat. I got some sunglasses on I'm in my athletic
• 41:41
  Walking jammies, you know
• 41:43
  So walking jammies, so I'm walking down to the arena and I let the dogs go they go to my trainer
• 41:49
  they take care of them there, but anyway, I
• 41:52
  Get to my finishing move of my opponent and I'll whip the leash that I've ascertained for my dogs
• 41:57
  And I put it around them and I'll walk them around the
• 42:03
  Yeah
• 42:04
  They can't get back up so I'm just walking around the arena as they're trying to regain their stamina you just parade them around
• 42:10
  Yeah, I got a power move. Yeah
• 42:13
  Yeah, and I got my little doggy bags on my thing in case they'd use the bathroom a little bit
• 42:18
  I can clean it up
• 42:19
  That's great. Do you make them do tricks? I try to know eight them further like sit. Yeah play dead. Yeah tap yourself out
• 42:27
  I'll make them do all the work. Did you you know, I wanted to get back to what you wear
• 42:33
  You said walking jammies, right? Was it is it that what you said? Yeah, just describe that more going more into detail about that
• 42:39
  Because I mean if it's anything wrestlers are known for how they look
• 42:44
  Yeah, Hulk Hogan had the weird Asian person hair in the and the handlebar mustache. That's only wrestling
• 42:51
  It's very cool. Yeah
• 42:52
  I've got just my my my Floridian tank top with it's green and it has a giant sun in the middle of it on the bottom
• 43:00
  I've got some short shorts skin tight shorts
• 43:04
  Then I've got got my socks that come up to just under my knee
• 43:07
  They got some stripes on them the white and then I've got my new balances on my course just because you're fine
• 43:12
  It doesn't mean you can't look good exactly, you know
• 43:14
  Exactly, if you get if you're gonna fight you might as well do it in style
• 43:17
  Do you walk them around and tell the people in the crowd? Don't worry. They don't bite. I do
• 43:23
  Yeah, that that's kind of the first thing is I'm like, hey, don't worry. He's a good dog
• 43:28
  He doesn't bite. He doesn't act out you can pet him if you like to yeah some of them do I
• 43:34
  Think it'd be cool, you know in that same vein of telling people, you know, oh he didn't bite
• 43:38
  Maybe once you've got your opponent down on the ground you say something like oh, he's had all his shots
• 43:46
  That would be really cool that be suave, huh? Yeah. Yeah that in a
• 43:51
  Sometimes it depends on which wrestler it is or how I'm feeling that day
• 43:54
  But I like to mix it up and sometimes when I'm praying room around the arena
• 43:57
  I like to put a little vest on him that says service dog. Yeah
• 44:01
  He's working cancer kids. Yeah. Yeah, he's working. Please don't mess with them right now
• 44:06
  I
• 44:08
  Warned yeah, sometimes I think that I'm having like a seizure or something and make them like come get under my head
• 44:15
  Yeah, you sound like a great dog trainer. No, I do a good job really know how to assert dominance over your opponent
• 44:21
  Yeah, not only do you defeat him, but you've got him working for you. Yeah
• 44:24
  It doesn't sound like a wrestling man sounds like a weird dog show. Yeah
• 44:28
  And I turned him into an upstanding citizen that visits cancer kids. Yeah
• 44:32
  Turn around lives. I
• 44:34
  Think this is why they say some wrestling is fake. Why is that?
• 44:38
  Did you say saying you say this isn't real Evans is fake
• 44:41
  You know, it just doesn't seem like you could get your opponent on board to do all that
• 44:45
  He's calling you out to do it. He's calling you out Evan
• 44:48
  How how are you the housekeepers calling out the dog walker?
• 44:51
  How are you forcing them to do that?
• 44:53
  Listen, it's just about being a macho man and wrestling them. Yeah, wrestle them into submission
• 44:59
  Well, I assume I assume you speak to them like how most people speaks to their dogs
• 45:03
  You give them a little baby dog voice
• 45:05
  Can you give us a rendition on maybe how you give them the baby dog voice to get them into submission?
• 45:10
  Yeah, sure sure sure. I've tapped him out. All right, you know, I've tapped him down on all fours and I go
• 45:15
  Hey boy
• 45:18
  But this leaks around your neck
• 45:21
  Now you're gonna sit there real nice
• 45:24
  Then you're gonna let these nice people watch you as you walk around on all fours and pet you a little bit on the head
• 45:30
  Okay
• 45:32
  Yeah, that's how I thought you talked to your dogs like that. That's the baby voice
• 45:38
  That's not yours, baby
• 45:41
  I don't talk to my animals like that. I guess I heard it differently
• 45:46
  That was we were like oh come here you got it, you know
• 45:50
  Kind of like that kind of voice but you you took a kind of a trucker smoker type approach. Yeah
• 45:55
  Yeah, so I speak to my dogs. Okay. All right. Well, you know as a wrestler
• 46:00
  I want to appease the fans and if you know anything about WWE the fans of WWE are the most upstanding
• 46:07
  Classiest bunch of people in all of sports. So really my goal is to
• 46:12
  Enamor them. So my wrestler name is gonna be called skin rash
• 46:19
  Now so what's skin rash wears is not a lot because he needs to show his skin
• 46:24
  So it's basically wearing skin tight
• 46:26
  Skin tight speedo and he's gonna he's gonna come in I'm gonna come in I speak of him in a in a different
• 46:33
  Person because when I put on that skin tight speedo and I have skin rashes from head to toe
• 46:39
  I become a totally different person. It's a totally different persona different character completely I come in there
• 46:44
  I start wrestling normal. My opponent gets me in a headlock. Oh, no skin rash looks like he's going down
• 46:50
  All of a sudden from my speedo. I pull out two high grit pieces of sandpaper
• 46:55
  I rub it the opponent up and down
• 46:59
  Giving him scrapes and scratches all over his skin. He has me an arm bar. No, sir
• 47:03
  Now your forearm looks like it has a skin rash people go nuts
• 47:12
  There's a reason angry there's a reason that I'm called skin rash and it's because I keep high grit sandpaper in my speedo
• 47:19
  And you and you kind of can tell when I walk out of the tunnel. It's
• 47:25
  Not a normal gate sounds like you lose either way
• 47:32
  My belief is you have to give to the universe to get from the universe
• 47:36
  And I am giving a lot of my epidermis to win these matches. You're doing this for the people
• 47:43
  Oh, absolutely. I am a crowd-bleaser
• 47:45
  Did you kind of run some sort of test on on WWE fans and say what is their most common ailment?
• 47:53
  Yeah, absolutely. I think I think you'll be surprised on how many
• 47:59
  WWE fans have skin rashes. I think you were gonna be surprised on how many well and NASCAR fans really both
• 48:06
  NASCAR fans and WW fans really pull well with skin rash. It's basically a crowd. It's basically a circle
• 48:18
  Yeah, absolutely and you know when I was pulling the crowd I was like looking for my character
• 48:23
  I was like what you suffer most from skin rash hurt a thousand times
• 48:27
  I was like if I want to relate to these people I need to drink monster
• 48:30
  Dr. Inager drinks I need to wear tap-out shirts, you know, and I need to have skin rashes and it's worked
• 48:36
  Great. I've connected with an entire group of people
• 48:39
  I think it'd be kind of cool sort of defensive mechanism for you when you get out there is to lather your entire body in
• 48:45
  Skin rash cream so that you can slip. Yeah, that's great. I like that. I like that. That's really cool
• 48:51
  I don't I like the idea. I don't want the crowd to think I'm better than them, you know
• 48:56
  And if you put skin rash cream on your your your rashes, it seems like you're trying to get better
• 49:01
  I'll say things like what are you a doctor? Yeah
• 49:03
  Yeah
• 49:05
  Yeah, like you think you're better than us
• 49:07
  So and I don't want to do that because I don't know if you've been in an arena full of
• 49:12
  10,000 WWE fans not a very volatile crowd. Yeah, don't they don't use words to bring down conflict
• 49:20
  So yeah, I do not want to don't want to don't want to escalate anything now
• 49:25
  What's the I guess what's the longest anyone's gone with one your skin rashes?
• 49:29
  Like has anybody had to go to the hospital or anything or is it just like first-degree burn kind of thing?
• 49:33
  It's a first-degree burn. I want to reiterate the down paper. I use very high-grade
• 49:38
  It's basically like rubbing gravel on their skin. So they give me a headlock. They release almost immediately
• 49:44
  They release their arms almost immediately. I
• 49:48
  Think it'd be kind of cool and you might have to buy some some bigger bigger pants to to make this one work
• 49:55
  But maybe a battery operated sander. Oh
• 49:57
  I like that. Yeah, I like that. I'd be hard to fit in the speedo
• 50:00
  But I think I can make it work not even keep the same speedo. Yeah tool belt
• 50:06
  I've got a lot. I like the element of surprise though. So I probably will keep the entire
• 50:11
  Sander sander machine in my speedo. I think that would people wouldn't expect it
• 50:16
  now
• 50:18
  What if you brought another element to it and you you still have a sandpaper?
• 50:22
  But you brought another element in that was just pure sand
• 50:25
  So you carried that in your speedo you take it out of yours dump it in their pants. Oh, they haven't ration their pants
• 50:31
  That's long term. That's a long term move. I really like yeah, they're gonna take a lot of time to get that sand out of there
• 50:37
  I fully expect skin rash to be one of the top wrestlers in today's WWE for sure
• 50:43
  I think we got a lot of good fighters. I'm here WWE if you're out there, you know, hit us up
• 50:49
  Yeah, if for some reason any of our lucrative businesses from a few episodes ago fail
• 50:54
  I think I think we can do we can get in the WWE
• 50:57
  Yeah, we have tons of avenues to make money to be successful. Yeah. Well, alright boys y'all wanna do a Craigslist
• 51:11
  All right for today's Craigslist
• 51:13
  We are looking for a boat us three have talked about wanting to buy a boat
• 51:17
  Maybe live on a boat do business on a boat live laugh love on a boat, you know
• 51:21
  so I found somebody selling a boat on Craigslist and
• 51:26
  Basically in hitting the post it is very technical. He obviously knows a lot about his boat
• 51:31
  I'll read a little bit out of it 208 435 ta cat caterpillar engines rebuilt top to bottom including new turbo
• 51:39
  Aftercoolers with twin disc transmissions presser plates in 2018
• 51:43
  So, you know new motors and he just goes on for about a paragraph of that
• 51:47
  I'm not gonna bore everybody with that because really it's not about that
• 51:49
  So I I initially message him saying hello Pat. I'm interested in your boat
• 51:54
  He goes on to say hello is still available
• 51:58
  85,000 is the asking price. Tell me when you're available to come see the boat. I continue
• 52:03
  Coincidentally, I am looking at the boat now
• 52:05
  I am about to get on the boat and play with a few of knobs and press some buttons
• 52:12
  So, I don't know if you want to get in the head of somebody selling something on Craigslist
• 52:15
  But the fear and panic that this guy must feel where he thinks there's some stranger on his boat
• 52:22
  He goes on to say
• 52:24
  Excuse me. How do you know where the boat is located?
• 52:26
  Please do not touch the boat
• 52:28
  You will not be happy if you do and I will find you if you want to see the boat
• 52:32
  Please let me get back in town this next week. Not great seeing as he's telling me he's not in town
• 52:38
  Don't do that. Yeah, don't tell people online. They're there to defend it. Yeah
• 52:42
  That makes me I have a heyday use this boat for everything I
• 52:47
  Continue to say wow, this is a nice boat. The interior is great
• 52:52
  Does the bathroom not work? I just took a massive stink pickle
• 52:58
  Had about four pounds of cheese and prunes this morning, you know how it be man. Ha ha ha ha ha ha
• 53:05
  Anyway
• 53:07
  I'm not about to pay
• 53:08
  I'm not about to pay eighty five thousand for a boat when a toilet doesn't flush have some standards pan
• 53:17
  By pan I meant his name which is Pat
• 53:21
  apparently I
• 53:23
  Called the guy pan
• 53:25
  so not only have I
• 53:27
  Broke into this guy's boat. I have
• 53:30
  What he thinks taking a massive dump in his boat and now I've got his name wrong
• 53:33
  What would you do if someone like walked in your house and just took a massive do and that's all that they did. I
• 53:40
  Wouldn't be concerned. I'd be more concerned. They called it a stink pickle
• 53:44
  Like this guy has some issues. Sounds like he's proud of it
• 53:57
  Still things don't take dumps in my house. He goes on to say I
• 54:00
  Know you better be playing with me. I will call the police get off my effing boat
• 54:06
  I will be back next week
• 54:08
  I will show you it then if you did use the bathroom
• 54:11
  You will be cleaning it what I don't get is he acts like he doesn't believe you
• 54:17
  He acts like you're not even there, but then he's like but by the off chance that you are
• 54:21
  It's almost like you can't risk it
• 54:23
  Almost like he's like
• 54:25
  There's too much to lose. Yeah
• 54:27
  I'm somebody's take this is a victim of a stink pickle. Yeah, he's been here before he is somebody has
• 54:35
  his property and
• 54:37
  Not again, he's not he's not falling for this. He didn't believe him last time
• 54:43
  But he's like this time not falling for it
• 54:47
  Poor guy I go on to say oh, I've already started clean it
• 54:51
  The only thing to clean with is some clothes in the hallway closet
• 54:53
  Polyester is not a great cleaning material. I did get some nasty on my hand. I touched the steering wheel
• 55:03
  Is that what the wheel is called on a boat
• 55:08
  Very knowledgeable like you know nothing about
• 55:11
  Nautical vessels. Yeah, it does it sounds like I don't know and also I said I did get some nasty on my hand
• 55:17
  Like he's a four-year-old I
• 55:19
  Got some nasty on my hand and I touched the steering wheel
• 55:25
  He responds all caps this better be a joke. I'm calling the marina. They will send security
• 55:31
  Why do you even want this boat? This does not seem serious. I continue I will hide. I'm a great hider
• 55:38
  I'd seek champion of 2022. I want the boat because women can't say no when you're on the boat because of the implications
• 55:51
  How many minutes do you think can fit on here I
• 55:55
  Have heard of those guys and they need to be on a boat when they're in the water because they sink like a rock a
• 56:00
  smaller than average rock mind you
• 56:04
  He continues they are sending security
• 56:07
  You need to get off or you will be arrested for trespassing. I don't know how many midgets will fit on the boat
• 56:13
  I do not care about midgets get off my boat
• 56:17
  Do you like that he entertained the question?
• 56:20
  You know if anything this guy's mad, but he's still he's still a salesman
• 56:24
  You know he thought about it for like two minutes or like a brief second flash in his mind
• 56:29
  He's like yeah, he was like how many minutes would fit on the boat maybe
• 56:33
  30
• 56:35
  It's not important though that depends on how you lay them down
• 56:39
  Oh, yeah, this guy's on the boat I
• 56:44
  Continue to say yeesh. You don't care about midgets that will not go good with the midget council the high council I
• 56:52
  Know it's ironic, but they tend to overcompensate. I'm sure you understand
• 56:57
  Listen I will pay a hundred thousand dollars for the boat. I think the boat will hold about 40 minutes
• 57:04
  It's end to end and that's what I'm looking for
• 57:08
  He can use to say that's not what I meant sir
• 57:11
  I didn't mean to offend anyone security did not find anything on the boat
• 57:15
  So I assume you're not on the boat
• 57:17
  Please call me on Monday, and I will personally show you around the boat a hundred thousand is fine
• 57:22
  I have the paper ready. Please do not get on the boat until I'm with you. This is like the miniature
• 57:28
  Like I'll pay more than asking. Yeah, suddenly okay with all your all your antics
• 57:34
  Yeah, yeah, I like how he's like this better be a joke or I'll kill you and then he's like alright, so it's a joke
• 57:41
  I'll meet you on Monday. It's a hundred thousand dollar joke. I continue. I am NOT off the boat
• 57:47
  I just told them I was the one that called they believe me and went on their way I
• 57:54
  Really need new security here friend when the boat is in my marina
• 57:58
  I will make better docking decisions than you also. How do you turn on the stove?
• 58:03
  I have some fresh spam to cook for the party tonight
• 58:07
  Thanks for letting me use the boat for that by the way
• 58:10
  It will go a long way in getting back on the good side of the midgets that you offended who?
• 58:18
  Would not want to go to a party that they have spam at I don't think there's ever something called fresh spam
• 58:24
  Spam is always at least a decade old you don't have spam parties
• 58:30
  Also a spam party with 40 midgets sounds like a blast and y'all can't tell me otherwise
• 58:35
  He responds very directly in short. I'm calling the police
• 58:43
  I said oh my gosh, are you okay? Do I need to drive my new boat to you and pick you up?
• 58:51
  He said I'm fine you will not be when the police show up and I press charges for you effing around my boat
• 58:57
  I am 58 years old and I have never dealt with some someone so effing stupid
• 59:03
  So stay on my boat and wait for the police for all I effing care. I will be pressing charges
• 59:09
  Why'd he throw his age in there?
• 59:12
  I've been around way too long for this. I continue and I am stupid question
• 59:18
  Would a stupid person be able to drive this boat like I am right now?
• 59:23
  No, they wouldn't what are these levers and knobs do?
• 59:27
  And at the bottom of this message I sent a picture from the Craigslist ad as if I took the picture
• 59:34
  So he I legitimately think I'm there. He wasn't smart enough to realize this is the picture I used in the ad
• 59:40
  Yeah, yeah, sure the stealing steering wheel with all the knobs and yeah. Yeah, it's a
• 59:45
  So he thinks I am up in the up in the cockpit
• 59:49
  What do you actually call the driving portion of a boat the con he continues all caps?
• 59:54
  I will not tolerate this any longer. The key is with me. You can't be driving the boat. F you F you F you
• 1:00:02
  He's kind of going off the handle for a 58 year old man
• 1:00:06
  Being very mature. Yeah, not being mature at all and he knows nobody's driving the boat. He has the keys
• 1:00:13
  But I keep on sitting pictures of the cockpit from his Craigslist ad so
• 1:00:17
  So I continued so I took a picture of the steering wheel the con form again from his own Craigslist pictures
• 1:00:24
  And I said, do you think I hang around?
• 1:00:27
  unskilled midgets Pat my little Richard Roney Richmond is a master hot wire
• 1:00:35
  Richard Roney Richmond, so this guy now thinks I just run with a gang of midgets
• 1:00:43
  He hasn't asked if you're a midget though. Yeah
• 1:00:45
  I'm not concerned about you. Yeah
• 1:00:48
  But the angle of that picture does get it's kind of high
• 1:00:52
  Pretty high up there. He could have had a couple of the 40 and they could have been
• 1:00:58
  He continues F you you prick park my boat or you will go to prison for a lot longer than a trespassing charge
• 1:01:05
  He's threatening me. What is your lawyer? No, I don't worry about him
• 1:01:10
  Then I
• 1:01:11
  Google imaged a boat that looked a lot like his and it's just a basic white boat
• 1:01:16
  And I found one that looks busted up like someone ran it into like a dock. I
• 1:01:22
  Continue under that picture. I said listen Pat. I am sorry. I thought I saw a mermaid and ran into another boat
• 1:01:31
  Unfortunately, I won't be able to buy the boat now that has so much damage
• 1:01:34
  I'm sure I'm sure a boat owning businessman like you will understand. He
• 1:01:42
  Said that bear not be my effing boat. Show me the rest of the boat. I continue. Well, the thing is I left I
• 1:01:50
  Still need to find a boat to buy pal the game doesn't stop know what I'm saying
• 1:01:58
  He can you say all caps again when I get back you will meet me and pay for the damage
• 1:02:03
  I will see you for damages he continues immediately after and says the police have arrived and said the boat
• 1:02:08
  Was in place and there's no damage you have wasted my time and darn near gave me a heart attack. Who the heck are you?
• 1:02:17
  Continue so about the boat. Is it for sale?
• 1:02:23
  He said if you stop contacting me and that is in fact the last time I contacted him
• 1:02:30
  I
• 1:02:36
  Figured I had put that man through enough
• 1:02:39
  Guy got an aneurysm
• 1:02:42
  That's so good. All right boys. That was it for this episode. Let's be done. You'll go on with your lives
• 1:02:48
  Have a good day. Hallelujah. Bye