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Mojo Monday - Navigating Low Self-Worth Using the 4A's Compass · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Hi, everyone. Welcome to Mojo Monday. If you're new, I'm
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Karlie Taylor, so a special welcome to you. And on
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: that note, I actually just wanted to thank you for
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: being here. So Mojo Mondays gets around one point five
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: thousand listeners and I'm so grateful for that. And this
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: is very much related to the topic today because I
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: started doing these Mojo Mondays because Paul was flat out
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: busy with his PhD. But we continued on and I
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: really enjoy sharing these strategies and tool for life with
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: you because you know, we're all struggling with this roller
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: coaster of being human and I'm a passionate believer that
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  Speaker 1: we all need the skills to develop our capacity to
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: be our own coach, so we can develop our mental
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: fitness to throw in life even when we get hit hard.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: So that's kind of my purpose behind these Mojo Mondays.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: But when I first started doing these, I didn't really
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: feel worthy of being a podcaster. But what I did
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: have is a lot to talk about, and I had
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: a real passion and drive to help as many people
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  Speaker 1: as I could with these life skills. So the podcast
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  Speaker 1: really aligned with that. So instead of using my level
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  Speaker 1: of self worth as my compass here, I used what
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  Speaker 1: really mattered to me, and that was helping others. So
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  Speaker 1: that leads me into what we're going to talk about today,
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  Speaker 1: and that is about self worth. And Paul and I
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: did when we were doing Merjo Mondays together. We did
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: talk about self worth back in twenty twenty three, but
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  Speaker 1: I want to I want to talk about it again.
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  Speaker 1: So if you do a Google search on self worth,
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  Speaker 1: it comes up with things like being overly self critical,
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  Speaker 1: feeling unworthy, so maybe it's un worthy of love or
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: respect of others. And it talks about our in increasing
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: your self worth through self understanding, self love, self acceptance.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: And what I want to do today is expand on
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  Speaker 1: those And the common thread here is that it's about
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  Speaker 1: me and my beliefs about myself. So let's just pause
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  Speaker 1: here and take a moment and ask yourself right now,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: how do you rate your self worth across the different
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  Speaker 1: areas of your life? So you think about your roles
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  Speaker 1: in life, you know, like at work, in relationships as
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: a friend, how worthy do you feel in each Is
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  Speaker 1: there any area of your life where you struggle because
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  Speaker 1: you don't feel worthy? So how do we coach ourselves
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  Speaker 1: when that self defeating narrative kicks in. So I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to walk you through what I call the four a's
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  Speaker 1: in relation to self worth. So the first A is awareness.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: So we're going to look firstly at the role of
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  Speaker 1: neurodevelopment in relation to our self worth. So how our
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  Speaker 1: brains would developed from the moment we are born right
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  Speaker 1: up to now, and depending on our environment growing up
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  Speaker 1: and how safe and secure we were, it's going to
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  Speaker 1: have a huge influence on the wiring of our brain.
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  Speaker 1: We see the world and ourselves through the lens of
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  Speaker 1: our experience, and to be able to acknowledge that helps
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: us to develop an awareness of why we think and
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  Speaker 1: act the way we do. And it's not an excuse,
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  Speaker 1: it's an awareness of where we're at right now. Because
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  Speaker 1: if we don't have this awareness of ourselves as unique
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  Speaker 1: humans based on our life experiences, then we can easily
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  Speaker 1: get caught up in this self defeating behavior based on
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  Speaker 1: our self worth and self worth if it's low, is
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  Speaker 1: not a good compass for life. And this is really
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: important for change because the way we see our own
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  Speaker 1: value can really influence the decisions that we make. When
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  Speaker 1: we cling tightly to the belief that we're less than others,
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  Speaker 1: that we don't deserve happiness or success or love. We
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  Speaker 1: can easily slip into a really dark place, and when
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  Speaker 1: you're in the dark, you can't see your way out,
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  Speaker 1: and the easy option is to give into these thoughts
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  Speaker 1: of unworthiness. So if we can start with awareness, being
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  Speaker 1: aware of your default thoughts about yourself is the first
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  Speaker 1: step to change. And there can be like almost in
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  Speaker 1: our harm moment. So for example, if you were emotionally
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  Speaker 1: abused as a child, then chances are your self worth
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  Speaker 1: could be pretty low. And this is where self compassion
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  Speaker 1: can come into play, not as a victim, but as
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  Speaker 1: an intrinsic, non judgmental understanding of who you are are.
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  Speaker 1: So with that then comes acceptance. So acceptance is around
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  Speaker 1: accepting those things that are not within your control. And
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  Speaker 1: if you think about the alcoholics anonymous serenity prayer, God
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  Speaker 1: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
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  Speaker 1: the courage to change the things I can, and the
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  Speaker 1: wisdom to know the difference. So let's apply this to
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  Speaker 1: low self worth. What is it that you have to
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  Speaker 1: accept about yourself? Accept about your past, the people who
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  Speaker 1: mistreated you, in the past that you cannot change. And
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  Speaker 1: of course this doesn't mean you're excusing it or that
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  Speaker 1: you like it, but you have to accept because you
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  Speaker 1: simply cannot change it. And it's really helpful to avoid
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  Speaker 1: language like oh, if only things had been different, if
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  Speaker 1: only I hadn't made that choice, or I didn't deserve
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  Speaker 1: to be treated that way. This can lead to this
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  Speaker 1: spiral of regret and shame and resentment and even haste.
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  Speaker 1: And unless those thoughts and emotions are going to serve
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  Speaker 1: you in some capacity now, so unless they motivate you
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  Speaker 1: and drive you in some way, then they're self defeating
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  Speaker 1: and they can really hold you back from living your
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  Speaker 1: life to the fullest right now. So now we're going
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  Speaker 1: to move on to the third A, which is attention.
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  Speaker 1: So attention is, in my experience, the the most powerful
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  Speaker 1: tool that we have. But without the awareness and the acceptance,
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  Speaker 1: our attention can go into default mode where we don't
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  Speaker 1: take control over it, and we can end up living
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  Speaker 1: a life of reaction rather than a life of intention.
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  Speaker 1: So imagine you are holding a flash light and that
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  Speaker 1: beam of light is your attention. So what we consistently
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  Speaker 1: shine that beam of light on is how we live
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  Speaker 1: our life life. We know that we pay what we
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  Speaker 1: pay attention to, our brains commit sels to So if
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  Speaker 1: you keep directing that light on thoughts of unworthiness, those
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  Speaker 1: feelings can grow stronger. It's like throwing fuel on the fire.
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  Speaker 1: So instead, imagine that you have control over where you
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  Speaker 1: shine that light, So you redirect that beam of light
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  Speaker 1: away from the self criticism and onto the things that
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  Speaker 1: matter to you. And this is where the shift happens.
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  Speaker 1: So becoming a worthy person isn't about thinking ourselves worthy
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  Speaker 1: or going into battle with those default thoughts that pop
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  Speaker 1: up when we don't want them to, or it's not
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  Speaker 1: about waiting to feel worthy. It's certainly not about getting
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  Speaker 1: our worth from other people or even from our achievements,
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  Speaker 1: although this can raise our self worth in the short term.
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  Speaker 1: But what if we look at this from a different perspective.
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  Speaker 1: What if rather than approach this as a feeling, we
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  Speaker 1: approach this more as a behavior. So you don't need
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  Speaker 1: to feel worthy to be a worthy person. So if
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  Speaker 1: we go back to my example of doing these mojo mondays,
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  Speaker 1: where I didn't feel worthy, but I didn't need to
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  Speaker 1: feel worthy to actually start doing the mojo mondays, because
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: what mattered to me, and I'm super clear on this,
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: is that you, the listener, get value and worth from
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  Speaker 1: listening to them. So if that makes me feel worthy,
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  Speaker 1: then that's a bonus. But as long as I can
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  Speaker 1: keep passing on what I have learned over the years
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  Speaker 1: and that you benefit from that, then that makes what
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  Speaker 1: I do worthy of it. So how I feel about
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  Speaker 1: myself and my worth is really irrelevant as long as
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  Speaker 1: I'm doing what matters. So the goal here is not
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  Speaker 1: to try and change the way I feel. It's about
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: using what matters my values as my compass. But what
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  Speaker 1: the research does show is that over time that feeling
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  Speaker 1: about how I feel about myself does change, and that's
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  Speaker 1: a real bonus. So that brings me to the final
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  Speaker 1: A and that is around action. So this is about
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  Speaker 1: doing what matters, doing worthy things for others, aligning your
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  Speaker 1: actions with that, not on how you're feeling, not on
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  Speaker 1: your low level of self worth, which if you did
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  Speaker 1: use that as a compass, you could easily go into
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  Speaker 1: avoidance mode distraction mode. So and this framework of the
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  Speaker 1: four a's is not a step by step framework, because
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  Speaker 1: you may need to keep going back to awareness or
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  Speaker 1: back to acceptance, while you're getting into the action. So
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  Speaker 1: your compass is your values what matters to you deepen
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  Speaker 1: your heart, not your feelings of self self worth. So
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  Speaker 1: let's go back to the serenity prayer, which I just love.
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  Speaker 1: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I
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  Speaker 1: cannot change, the courage to change the things I can,
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  Speaker 1: and the wisdom to know the difference. You know, it
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  Speaker 1: takes courage and wisdom to recognize your painful past and
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  Speaker 1: your default mode in order to change to focus on
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  Speaker 1: doing worthy things rather than the feeling of self worth,
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  Speaker 1: which I know is really difficult. I don't want to
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  Speaker 1: make this out that it's easy, because I know those
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  Speaker 1: feelings of self worth can really take over. You take
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  Speaker 1: that feeling with you and you put one foot in
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  Speaker 1: front of the other and you move yourself towards a
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  Speaker 1: life of worthy action. So I hope you have got
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  Speaker 1: value from that. It is a different a bit of
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  Speaker 1: a different perspective on self worth and how we can
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  Speaker 1: increase our self worth earth. It is definitely these strategies
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  Speaker 1: of what I use myself and I also use with
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  Speaker 1: my clients, and I find it's really really effective and
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  Speaker 1: it really encourages us to live a life based on action,
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  Speaker 1: aligned with the things that matter to us. So have
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  Speaker 1: a great week everybody, and I will catch you next week.
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  Speaker 1: See