Latest / Two Tools, No Clue / M8 The Kefir Kidnapping
Transcript
- Jey & Anna: Hey everyone, welcome to the Two Tools No Clue podcast. I'm Anna. And I'm Jayden. And on today's mini but great, we have no clue about the kefir kidnapping. ⁓ is kefir and why are people getting kidnapped? Yeah, what the heck? Let's find out. Sounds terrifying. Fasten your tool belts. So I briefly mentioned what kefir. I can't pause because there's many different pronunciations. Hey Siri. saying kifer right I found this on the web Kiefer. What was that? of her Australian accent. That was an Australian accent though. Kiefer. Kiefer. Keep your hands off my keifa or you'll get kidnapped mate. That sounded horrible. don't want to hear that again. Well, that's what they said. So that's what I'm going to go with. But I just can't. kefir, kefir. Yes. This is going to be a wild episode, because I don't know how I'm going to pronounce it every time I'm going to say it. It's going to different every time I'm here for it. I'll understand. So I. briefly mentioned kefir in last week's episode. Do you remember what it is? No, but I do know that I don't like it. ⁓ How do you not know what it is, but you know that you don't like it? Well, I know it's like ⁓ high in probiotic and we tried to get some. once and it was blueberry flavored and it was horrible. It bitter. Tasted like Greek yogurt. Yeah that's a good way to describe it. That's no sugar in it. Yeah. Zero sugar was in that. kefir kefir. Very natural. Well, kefir is fermented milk and kefir grains which aren't actually grains but a symbiotic culture of beneficial bacteria and yeast. is described as similar to thin yogurt like our Activia. Yes, it was in a bottle and we thought it was a smoothie and guess what guys it wasn't a smoothie. It was not yummy. It was horrible. I'll say it again. We also eat sugar a lot so our taste buds like the sweeter things in life. Yes. So kefir is highly regarded for its health benefits. It's packed with calcium and each serving has around nine grams of protein. Also, when kefir cultures are fermented in dairy, the beneficial probiotics have a much better chance of surviving the digestive process. Okay. Which means they have a much better chance of making an impact. Yeah. In your You get the value of it. Yeah. That's actually okay fine. Kefir. Okay fine. Don't kidnap me though. The oldest traces of kefir were found in a 4,000 year old tomb in the Xiohe region of China. Sorry if I said that wrong. I think you did great. Thank you. I'm nervous. China, but it starts with an X. So I really didn't know how to do that. But I think I did. OK, you got there. Yep. Do you remember the name Ellie Metch Nick off from last week's episode? No. He was a Russian. Wasn't last week. What? Because it wasn't last week. Very true. For you it was like a couple of months ago. Yeah. We've been slacking on our recordings. Yeah. Well, he was a Russian bacteriologist who noticed that Bulgarians average life expectancy of 87 years was far far longer than that of other cultures in the early 1900s. For example, the average life expectancy in the US and the UK during this time was 47 years. that's insane. So literally almost double. Well, we were like working ourselves to death already at that point. industrial revolution. That is true. He theorized that the lactic acid bacteria in the kefir were the leading cause of the incredible lifespans. Wow. Okay. All right. Here. He named the beneficial bacteria. found Bulgarian bacillus cool. Which was later renamed lactobacillus bulgaricus. ⁓ Due to this consuming fermented milk became the next hot trend. ⁓ Fermented milk. Yeah. can't think about it that way. Kfir, creation of nomadic Ossetians? ⁓ Yeah. Within the Caucasus Mountains? was suddenly in high demand. However, they weren't going to just hand it over. So here we go. According to legend, the original cultures of kefir were given to the people of the Northern Caucasus Mountains by Muhammad himself. They called them grains of the prophet. Families would pass down different strains of kefir cultures from generation to generation. They became fiercely protective of their methods of producing it and specific fermenting recipes were kept secret. Like sourdough. The general way to make kefir was to mix the grain with cow, sheep or goat milk within an animal hide bag. It was then left in the for several days to ferment. And remember they're not actually grains. Yeah. It's like the symbiotic cultures. Yeah. So it's crazy. It's like a sourdough. Yeah, right. It was customary for the family members to kick the bag as they walked by to give it a mix because it was usually by the front door. As you're coming in and out, that is so the protective of it with their front door. Yeah, right. Well, that's where everyone's going most often to see it. It makes sense in my mind or to get robbed. It was also portable food source with shepherds bringing their goats skin stacks with them on their travels. As they walk, the solution would mix and ferment. So that's the movement that they needed. They would replenish the grains with milk from their herds, creating a continuous supply of kefir So they were doing it ⁓ Those shepherds. ⁓ Creepy at the same time. Why is it creepy? I don't know. I just. I just. Like even like sourdough starters, like how? It's just been alive for so long. okay, this is a quick side track. I used to work at Panera Bread and on our uniforms, all it is is the Panera Bread logo, like the lady for the longest time. I had no idea, no reason to ask. some random. It's like Starbucks. Yeah. It's mother bread. Wow. And y'all mother bread is a very large sourdough starter that makes like Panera has their own bread factories and they have one huge ass sourdough starter. Wow. That is from the original company. I can't go into the one if you go to the one in Keene on the walls. I don't know. It's not like it's gone. Oh, were. The old one had a whole remind me of a bistro cafe painting. And it was like old, old school. And it was like the original owners before it was Panera. Oh, wow. It was just like a, you know, cafe to start or like bread company to start, think. But like General Mills, it just becomes a huge crazy thing. Yeah. But I remember when the trainer told me that, she came every now and then it was like the corporate trainer. And she told me that, I thought she was messing with me. And they were like, she's being so serious. that is Mother Bread. And there is a starter. Wow. That is an era. How recipe that starter must be. It's huge. I just picture like a huge blob. That's all I think of. What kind of container is that thing in? I worked for Panera. I ⁓ to God, at least once a year, I think about that. ⁓ think about we're trapped in that room with that starter, just like a big ⁓ I just picture being a big ball. Yeah. I know it's probably not what it looks like. Who knows? I don't know. It's alive! That was my sidetrack. My apologies. So the people of the Caucasus region were well aware of the incredible health benefits that their kefir held. And they were extremely reluctant to share their grains or recipes with the rest of the world, which makes sense. would get the hell out of here. It's like any recipe, any family recipe, like who you what blood do you have? Not mine. Go away. Yeah. They saw these these qualities as magical. Yeah. they fear that the magical properties of their grains would disappear if they gave them to outsiders. Exactly. I think about it. They were living twice. Yeah. As long. That's magic. That is magic. Explain it any other way. Literally. Until we were like, it's that. So Ellie Metchnikoff comes in and he's like, it's actually this. Like it's the cinnamon. Go away. Fun fact. They were able to keep the secret for nearly 2000 years. Just pretty good when it comes to white people snooping. Yeah, I feel like who found out the French. Germans, I'm pretty sure. Hold on, I haven't read my notes in a while. I don't know why I was so quick to these notes a while ago. Quick to blame the French, but I feel like that's something that they would want. ⁓ yeah, I could very well be. Let's not write them off just yet. So unfortunately the world was also becoming aware of Kefir's incredible health benefits. Yeah. ⁓ no. For instance, Marco Polo wrote about a mare's milk that is thought to be a similar product to Kefir. Don't know where he got it, but he wrote about it and then everyone knew about it. Dr. Eli Metchnikoff. Sorry, there's no R in his name. Dr. Eli Metchnikoff. ⁓ work. caught the attention of the All Russian Physicians Society, who decided that all Russian people should be able to benefit from kefir. So my apologies. It was the Russians. But as I said before, the Caucasus people were not at all willing to share their magical cultures with anyone, so this is unfortunately where things get intense. as as a couple cheese making factories in the Northern region. They were hired to find in quotations, ⁓ kefir grains for the all Russian physician society. They don't know how to make it. The society. Yeah. They just want it. They'll figure it out. They just want the grains. That's what they always think. Or the, which aren't grains, but symbiotic cultures. ⁓ So at first the brothers approached the local tribe living near their factory and asked to buy the magical grain from them, which they obviously refused. They were like, get fuck out Like we've been keeping the secret for 2000 years. You really think we bought off? By two farm boys? Literally. Get out of here, Moscow dairy. But this did nothing to deter the Blandov brothers. They decided the obvious next step was incorporate a third person into the scheme and hire them specifically for their beauty. They chose one of their own employees. ⁓ yes. ⁓ How would you say this Irina or Irina? R I ⁓ A. Irina. Irina. Irina. Sakharova. just turned 20. ⁓ Fun fact, she graduated with full honors from a renowned cheese school and won awards for developing a unique method of making butter. ⁓ that's cool. 20 years old. Yeah. Apparently, she was also beautiful, so they napped her right up. Yeah, we need you for your beauty, not your butter skills. Yeah. Your resume means nothing. bullshit from a man. Yep. We need to do better. So the brothers sent her off to the court. the Karachai tribal prince, Bek-Merza. I do this to myself and I don't know why. Why do I choose these You bring us the stories that matter. ⁓ like the damn news, all right? Keep going. ⁓ prince, his name is Bek-Merza Barchorov. Good job. That was impressive. Thank you. They were hoping that she would be able to charm him into giving her the ⁓ kefir grain. Always a woman doing a man's job. She should have just went to start. I feel like they probably would have gave it to her. So the brothers plan actually worked with the Prince falling for Irina. How do we say it? Irina? Yeah. Sorry. Irina? Irina? Irina. Irina. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the one we That's your name now. So the prince fell for Irina's charm and good looks. She was showered with flowers and gifts and apparently the prince never took his eyes off her during the celebrations. ⁓ Unfortunately the prince had no intention of giving Irina even a drop of the kefir cultures to bring back with her. Apparently they took their magical grain so seriously there was a religious ban on sharing them in their culture. So Irina ended up leaving the tribe empty handed. He was like, sorry, I'd really liked to, but there's a literal religious ban on these symbiotic cultures. So she's on her way back. However, on her return, she was intercepted by the prince's tribesmen who kidnapped her and brought her back to the tribe. I knew that was gonna happen. Prince Bartcharov demanded she marry him, but she refused, staying silent until the brothers could rescue her. Can you imagine if they couldn't? Can you imagine if they couldn't rescue her and she's just subjected to this tribe? She's a princess of a tribe now. Literally. Congratulations. So apparently the brothers did somehow manage to help rescue her. ⁓ good for them. before the tribe forced her to marry the prince and brought her to the Russian court of Czar Nicholas the second so she could lodge an official complaint. Yeah. Against the prince for kidnapping her, which is hilarious. ⁓ OK. Not screw Russia yet. bad. Well, jump into the conclusions. they're the ones who made them do it in the first place. Yeah. How about you do it, Russia? Literally your ⁓ weird of. Physicians, why don't you do it? Are you afraid? So the prince originally offered to pay her in gold jewels and other riches as compensation for his crimes But Irina refused to accept them. She was a bad bitch. She's like, sorry you kidnapped me. Yeah, that is a crime. She was all about business. You are a criminal. So she held out until the kefir grains were given to her. are made sure how funny how the religious ban is no longer. Yeah, right. When a man who how long into that. So Prince Barchorov fought against the court but was ultimately ordered to pay 10 pounds kefir grains as compensation for being kidnapped and held against her will. This is a lot. 10 pounds. That is a In 1908, the Blandov brothers sold the first commercially produced kefir in Russia using the grain they received from Irina. Literally five miles away. These people are pissed. Literally. huge f***ers. Sorry. That was aggressive. It was first used in hospitals to give them some credit. Okay. To treat patients suffering from digestive disorders, tuberculosis and cancer. In Eastern Europe, it's still used in hospitals to treat patients, including infants. By the 1930s, milk kefir was being widely produced throughout Russia and available to the public. It's still one of the most popular fermented beverages in Russia to this day, accounting for 65 to 80 % of all fermented drink sales. Oh, wow. Is that why he's lived forever? Putin? Yeah. Yeah, probably. Honestly. Honestly, because doesn't the man of cancer am I gonna get like sniper for saying Little red dot We're good. I'll make fun of you know who all day, but maybe not him. Yeah I still don't understand how he's still alive though. Yeah, that's crazy It is that it all makes sense. Little red dots appear on both of our foreheads because we found out his secret. It's the kefir Take that away from him. Never mind. Shut up. Moving on, moving on. In 1988, Russia produced one point two million tons of milk kefir, a.k.a. two point four billion pounds. Yo, whose family recipe did they steal though? That's what I want to know cool. They kidnapped this blonde lady great And Now they've had to have like they didn't make that up to make it good You know what I mean? Like they definitely stole somebody's grandma's recipe. Yeah, I don't know how that happened Yeah Unless it's just so easy. Maybe she was like, maybe when she was waiting, she was like, so how do you do that? Maybe. I know you're not going to give me any, which is totally fine, but like, how do you do it? Maybe, yeah. I don't know. Maybe she could have. She seems very intelligent. So eventually, Milk Kefir found its way to the Western world by the 1960s. We're so behind. Yeah, we are. The consumption of kefir in the US today is so low I couldn't even find a statistic for it. But around 30 % of Americans eat fermented food on a daily basis. 30%. They're just tricking us so, so good. Yeah, they really are. That's really sad. I'm gonna chug that stuff out of spite now. Literally. I'm just chug it. I'm to that. So like 107. They're going to be like, how are you alive? It's the kefir. I'm going to tell you, I don't want to get kidnapped. Literally. In 1973, Irina Sakharova received a letter of appreciation from the Russian government, more specifically the minister of the food industry for her heroic role in stealing the kefir grains Russia. Bro, where's my check at homie? Literally. I held out gold, jewels, for these grains and you're telling me all I get is a little letter saying ⁓ I hope she got compensated. ⁓ hope every little sale of the brothers like a little chunk went to her. I hope so. were her employee. ⁓ They better measure the damn CFO. Absolutely. At 21, let's do it next year. All the way to the top. Today, most of the commercially produced kefir is made from direct set powdered kefir cultures, which contain considerably fewer probiotic strains than kefir grains. Yeah. So like everything else in the world, It got industrialized and it's not as healthy for you. bet the kefir on our shelves in America aren't even that healthy. Yeah, that's upsetting. The powder kefir cultures are a popular choice in commercial production because it produces a more consistent product. However, to this day, no one has been able to create an artificial version of kefir grains. Isn't that crazy? You can't, there's no GMO kefir. True kefir grains are direct descendants of those born in ancient times, thousands of years ago. So I included Revolution Fermentation's website in the show notes where you can buy your own kefir grains and start making homemade milk. How much are they? They're not a sponsor. I'm just gonna say that right here. Not sponsored by Revelation Fermentation, but I thought that was really cool. And I just stumbled upon this website and I thought I'd throw it out. But like do your own research first. yeah, I'm just, don't know. know. don't know. I I'd be helpful. We have no clue. Give you a place to start. I don't know. So the beauty of kefir grains is they're kind of like sourdough, like you were saying. It's like you knew. As long as you keep them healthy and well fed, you'll continue to have the beneficial kefir cultures forever. Forever. Forever. Forever. Forever. Forever. And that my friends is the story of the kefir kidnapping. Do not kidnap. people for kefir just buy it the grocery store. Well honestly it's it's kind of a tricky situation because she was trying to steal the grains and then kidnap her so like maybe don't try to steal from people. To begin with. Yeah. I don't know. true. It's a messy situation. So don't kidnap people. Oh, it is time. It is time for the farmer's almanac. So today should be June 11th. Hello, June 11th. How are you? Today is the feast of St. Barnabas. ET, the extraterrestrial movie was released in 1982 today. Happy birthday, ET. Happy birthday, ET, you scary little thing. That thing creeped me out when I was a kid. And it is the best day to cut hair to discourage growth, to color your hair and to ask for a loan. So be brave. Ask for that loan discourage growth, but ask for a loan color that ⁓ Yeah. Shave it too. ⁓ So you can follow us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok @TwoToolsNoCluepodcast. And you can subscribe to Patreon at patreon.com/TwoToolsNoClue. ⁓ And you can write us an email at TwoToolsNoCluepodcast@gmail.com. Send your stories. Send us your topics. Send your comments and critiques. Send us, us what you're up to this week. Yeah. Tell us what projects you're doing, like Anna was saying. That sounds fun. I'll see you next time, guys. Be safe out there, everybody. Love you. Bye.