Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / EP 45 | Exploring Kink vs. Vanilla: A Kampfire Guide to BDSM Roles, Play Space Etiquette, and Sexual Discovery

Transcript

EP 45 | Exploring Kink vs. Vanilla: A Kampfire Guide to BDSM Roles, Play Space Etiquette, and Sexual Discovery · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I'm entertaining, we're educational.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: That's how we are right now.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Welcome back everybody.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: This is the podcast that is the mostest over the bones of fire that we build up and back down.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Hopefully everybody's got their drinks and everything ready.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: This is Around the Kinky Campfire.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: We are here today for your entertainment somewhat, your educational somewhat, and some factual stuff, some geeky stuff and all things BDSM, slash, kink and non-monogamy.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: We are here for you and I am a person that I will name here in a second because I always forget to look up what name I'm going to be and who are you?
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: This is Rue.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Rue is her name.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Who would I want to be today?
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Oh, I shall be the honorable falcor falcor, falcor.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: What is that?
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: oh no, I thought you were gonna know that one.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, you heard a movie called never ending story yeah, I saw it when I was a kid you haven't seen it more recently.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: No, that's a good one.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: You gotta watch that one like every five years or so.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: Falcor is a flying white dragon oh okay, I know you're talking about I would hope so.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, trey you on there riding on the back of falcor, falcor everybody, aka cuddle gigolo, or you just call me Julius, h-h.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Julius, his happiness, julius.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: And today we're off on a slower start as it is.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: I don't know about you, miss Rue, but I'm feeling the spring thing as we go up and down with this stupid temperature.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: It's driving me crazy.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: My sinuses have not been a fan yeah hot and cold all at the same time.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: The plants don't know what to do.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: They just keep dropping and sucking it back up and they're going to drop it again and the bugs are out, but then they're gone.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: The frogs and the lizards and the dragonflies and the bats and everything are all eating them.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: They're probably going to go starving again because we're going to get another cold front and then it's going to be hot again Like a month.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: The heat is just going to switch on and then we're going to be just sweating our balls off after being cold all this time.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: I mean metaphorical balls.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: You got big ball, big dick energy out there.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, putting it out there, but enough with all that shenanigans and talking.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: You know what time it is, our favorite time of the podcast.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: Not our favorite.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: What you drinking?
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: Evidently I am drinking a White Claw Surge Passion Fruit.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: It's not bad.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, passion Fruit.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, I wouldn't order it in a restaurant, but it's not bad.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I think they have them now sometimes I don't know.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: They got a bunch of different White Claws.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: I've never really been a White Claw fan, but it's not horrible.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: I don't know why it's special about this one Fruit Punch and the iced teas make sense.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, you're mixing some stuff.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: I don't know why it's special about this one Fruit punch and the iced teas make sense.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, you're mixing some stuff.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know why Surge is pure or whatever as well as I am drinking a Casa Azul tequila soda.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: So not truly.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I just had High Noon, which I'm a big fan of.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: This is a new one now with the tequila soda.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: So I went straight from the vodka soda to tequila soda.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Casa Az.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Well, not sponsored.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Uh, gluten-free, a hundred calories.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: I'm enjoying it so far, cause it got the tequila in there that I enjoy.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: I don't pre-minute there for y'all low pre-minute Um, and I'm drinking the uh good old, great value green tea.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: As y'all know, I enjoy that as well.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Not sponsored.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Oh tea company would sponsor me.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: White Claw, casa Azul, truly Natural High Noon, All y'all people, I will suck a dick to be a sponsor.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: That'd be great.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Get this production on the road All right.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Enough of all that Real serious.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Right now we're going to be really serious right now I'm not going to be serious.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: One minute starting in three.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Feel free to join me if you want to Thank you, you in the room and you people out there, our campsters.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: If you want to join me now for the ASMR minute here we're going to start in three, two suspense.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: I know it's horrible.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: It's right in my ear bone.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Oh, that is obnoxious.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: I vote we pre-record these Put that right on my throat.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Well, the suspense at the beginning and a little little uh finisher up ender right there at the end delicious moving on oh no, we gotta come back to that round two.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Oh man, I can't do round two.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: I need like 24 hours.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: I don't know what they're talking about.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Recuperating is a problem in your old age.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: I'm like one and done One really long one, and then I need a nap For like 24 hours.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: It's like really good.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: I'm good at edging myself.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: I can go from place to place to place and position to position, but if I end it you know what I'm saying it's like I need another 24 hours.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: People try to jump it, jump start it a little bit.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: It's like it's not going to work.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: You can slap it all you want.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: It's not going to work.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: You can spit on it, but it's like I need 24 hours.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: As far as I remember, I've been that way, but it seems more stagnant in my old age.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: Might be getting longer.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm here for.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Yes, my entertainment King of entertainment.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: What are we doing today?
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: That was it.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: Yes, you're out, I'm out Transition.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Yes, all right, so we hinted about it last time, but we are still hearing people getting the definitions confused.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: So this is our once a year check-in.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Maybe do it twice a year, but people don't know the definitions.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: They keep asking the questions.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: I'm going to start just posting these videos now.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I'm going to cut this little front part out here and I'm just going to post it everywhere, because people keep getting it all mixed up.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: What is the difference between the different things?
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: So real, quickly.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: What is the difference between kink?
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Well, let's say kink and vanilla.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: first let's start way at the bottom.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Kink and vanilla first.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Let's start way at the bottom, okay, well vanilla is anything that's not kink.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: We'll go to the technical definition nowadays societal definitions and I'm gonna start a new segment too.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna tangent right here.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: We're gonna start calling it kill the memes so I'm gonna coin that phrase, even though I took it from somewhere.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I can't remember now what it was, but we're gonna start killing the vanilla is literally anything that is considered societally normal and not outside the lines.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Which technically now is missionary position, with nothing else touching besides the genitals.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: Well, no, I mean that's what I'm saying.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying that's the technical definition.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: There's a multiple of things within vanilla, I mean, blowjobs are technically vanilla.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Not by the technical definition, that's killa.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: I mean blowjobs are technically vanilla.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Not by the technical definition, that's kinky.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: I mean no, that could be a kink.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: Anything can be a kink, but that doesn't mean that it's kinky Anything that is outside the lines, vanillas.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: So let's make up our own definition.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: Just regular.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: Let's make up our own definition.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: Let's make up our own definition Regular mom and dad sex.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Regular mom and dad sex.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: What does that even mean?
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: anymore.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: Regular grandma and grandpa sex.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: We pull the beds back apart.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Lucy and Desmond sex yes, you know, kids don't know, what that means now there will be people who know what that means.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I'll talk about like having separate beds in the bedroom.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: They did.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: They don't know what that means.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Now they have, like what do you mean?
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: Push the beds together.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: It's like people will make the jokes now like older comedians or something like we gotta.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: There was a time, children, when mom and dads were pulling the beds apart because you couldn't sleep.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: You got to leave room for Jesus you got to leave room for Jesus when you're sleeping, for some reason I don't know Nocturnal emissions you'll get them on each other.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: So yeah, so kinky is anything that's not vanilla.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: We need a more specific definition.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: That is specific.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: Nowadays it's so common hair pulling, slapping the booty, anal blowjobs no, all the first three are considered a little kinky.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: They're they're considered a little taboo-ish kids now they just like it's normal for them just pulling the hair and stuff.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, is that normal?
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Is that vanilla?
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: that's.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: That's what it is now.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, everybody pulls hair.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of proud Online.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Online.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: And if you go talk to people in person, just ask people, which I do it's like, oh yeah, everybody slaps ass and makes these generalizations.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: Without consent.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Without negotiating, doing all this stuff, the stuff that they do, that's like an actual consent violation that they see in porn.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: It's like more wilder stuff now.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, hair pulling and smacking ass is like oh, so we're violating consent and we're justifying it saying it's a social norm.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what people are doing.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: And that's considered evolving.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Let's not do that.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: People Stop making assumptions and ask a question.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Not everybody likes to be choked.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Not everybody wants their ass smacked.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: Huh, likes to be choked.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: That's not vanilla.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Ass smacked, huh yeah, not everybody wants their ass smacked or the pussy smacked or nipples flicked or hair pulled.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: There's a very funny story.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: This content creator is.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: She's like she was with a guy he just started flicking her nipple.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: It's like you like that flicking, just flicking like does that turn you on flicking, flicking.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: It's like where would you even I've not even seen that in a porn.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Where would you think somebody would want that to happen?
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: Let's just ask a question.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: I don't know, ask a question, okay, so yeah, yeah, let's still negotiate, everybody.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Yes, let's still negotiate.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Outside what is considered traditional sex you should talk about it Is doggy style traditional sex I mean.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: I think so I don't know.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: I've seen it on certain lists under kinks.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: But the point is, even with that, the point is there's no clear definition of what vanilla is now.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: So stop making assumptions and stop assuming that people all watch porn so it's like a normal thing For a fact and I'm kind of calling people out here that could be listening but there's stuff I do I think is normal.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: Well, I've seen it in porn, but it hasn't been done before.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: But let's not make assumptions.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: I prefer to ask first, like hey, can we try this?
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Don't make this assumption anymore.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: A lot of kids are learning their stuff from porn, which I hope they Well people have always been learning their stuff from porn, which I hope they Well people have always been learning their things from porn.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Bad things, well no, some people have only been learning from porn.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: So hopefully you do a little research and if you're here you probably did do a little research and I know for one.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I can't speak for Ms Rue here, but I would like to do some form of education where it's not porn, it's actually based on factual because even with education classes.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: Some states ban it in their schools.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: There's no sex ed in schools, so people are having to turn to content creators because they don't want to take I don't know responsibility or something.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Get in trouble.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I don't understand why you would ban it.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: But people don't believe in sexual education.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Abstinence is not a thing, it.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: There is a there is a greater part of society that doesn't believe that the public education school system's job is to educate their children on sex.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Then you got the parents like trying to push it on them because they don't want to have the conversation with their kids.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: It's like I would hope that if you're here you have a podcast in here and I would definitely be down to do an official video or episode or whatever that has actual sex education in it, Kind of like that one movie, the movie where they tried to do the sex ed video.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Oh, you've seen that one Girl Next Door.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: You showed me yeah.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: But hopefully at some point we can do something official and get people, if nothing else, kill the meme, ask the question.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Nobody wants to ask questions.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I'm all on all the different things and people just make assumptions about stuff.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: It's like no, your experience is not everybody's experience.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Ask the question.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: There's some people that don't like having sex, people it's called an A-spectrum Grey sexuals.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: They get no pleasure from having sex.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Shocker to some people.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you've never heard this before.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Asexual is becoming a buzzword now.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, the actual like clinicians are talking about it.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: It's like oh, have you heard it.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: It's like yes, I have, they've been around, we're.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: There's a spectrum people we're here, that's a thing, so they're now they're educating people on that.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: But the um, larger, more allosexual, the, the I don't want to say sex focused people, but the horny sluts out there don't realize that this.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: There's people out there that get like no gratification from sex and then there's people that you know make these assumptions, that don't have a lot of experience out there.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Hopefully they can get the education out there and we can be one of those outlets for them.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, but there's different definitions of vanilla.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: There's really no way to uh, I'm still trying to think of the metaphor out there.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: There's like there's different words out there.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: There's no actual definition for it, but we have the word for it and I can't think of one right now, but vanilla is one of them.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: So for me, it's just people that are not I don't even know what I say kinky now.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: It's just not bdsm focused well, it's not always about bdsm that's what I'm saying.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: So it's like I don't even know what to say now, because I I had this conversation with a co-worker yesterday.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: I was like I've never been to a space where it's like vanilla queer people, because all the queer spaces I'm in are like bsm related it's like what do you?
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Mean by that?
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: It's like well shit, I don't know what I mean exactly they all have their clothes on.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: I just made the joke.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I was like I don't know what to say.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: All these queer folks got their clothes.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know, because the spaces I'm going they don't have their clothes on, but it doesn't mean they're whatever.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: There's no correlation between being naked and queer or BDSM, but yeah, so yeah, I mean I just like to go with the technical term missionary position, with only your generals touching.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Because what is kinky now?
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Because even everybody out there in the regular world is like spanking, choking, ass smacking is like, oh yeah, everybody likes it.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: I was like no, what world do you live in?
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: How old are you?
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: No, that's not a normal thing for everybody.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: What are we doing right now?
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: But make sure you ask the question, okay what next?
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: yeah, you're done.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: Now, you know that was a long rant.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: I it was.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, I was waiting for you to jump in.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: I mean, I said what?
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: I had to say no.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: I mean because kink is, is a spectrum.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: It's such a wide, broad thing.
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: I mean kinky but can be considered anything that's not vanilla like, and you can even kink vanilla shit.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: So I mean it's just it's too broad you can't also kink.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: We have more of a concrete anything that turns you on, yeah, yeah.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: So it doesn't necessarily need to be sexual, but it's just something that turns you on.
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: Well, that's the difference between kink and a fetish.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: No, fetish is something that you need to be.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: Turned on yeah.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: Kink is just anything that just turns you on yeah.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: But a lot of people like to relate kinks to sexual and it's like there's a difference between sexual and non-sexual kinks, right, just has to turn you on yes.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: And that was another one of my little rants that I wanted to go on there.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: So you brought up fetishes.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: What are fetishes?
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: Anything that you feel you need to be aroused.
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: It could be anything yes I mean your stupid little asmr moment could be a fetish.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: Um, there's plenty of things that are fetishes, like I've seen your, your commenting on my asmr, that's a fetish.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: That's a fetish.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Just replay this.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: I'll take the recording, just replay there's people that do the um on tiktok where they they do the eating, the massive eating, like yes, that I like a person that eats no, like these it is obnoxious like, like whole eggs back to back these, these people, it's mostly women I like it uh, it's, that could be um number one fetish.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: We went over this like two podcasts ago.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: What foot fetish was the number one fetish yeah so anything that you need to be aroused to be turned on.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I trailed off there for a second.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: So there's this really amazing attractive human being with glasses on and like short bob hair and they were eating hot peppers because it was a hot pepper channel and they were just snotting and crying and dribbling and I was like and you were hot and I see you were turned on.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Very attractive.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: So that's a fetish.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: You ever seen that scene?
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: You ever seen Van Wilder?
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Have you seen number two?
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Maybe?
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, it was Shit.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: I can't remember his name now, but anyways, it was on the side character, the Indian guy.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: He had his own movie.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Where he went to England and started his Van Wilder thing over there.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: But at the beginning most people know that have seen this there's this blonde woman that he was talking to when he was flying over to England on a plane and she says she has a thing for spices.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: So he was like huh and she took out this Tabasco out of her pocket and in the middle of saying this she was giving him a blowjob in the bathroom he's getting his high miler.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: What the fuck.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: I can't think of words, mile high, mile, high, mile high club in the bathroom.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: So he was like getting the blowjob, getting ready to get it on.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: So he put the Tabasco on his dick and all of a sudden there's this, zoom out from the plane, outside the plane, where he's like ah yeah, I can imagine.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: So I just thought back to that when I saw the person eating the peppers and snotting and spitting, but I still, I probably.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, got a little mascus in me.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: Got a little mascus in me.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you know that.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: So yeah, so that's fetish.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, apparently I like people snotting and spitting.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: There, you go Damn attractive people.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, and that brings us into BDSM.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: Very quickly talk about what BDSM is You've gone on some rants.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: We got to do this.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: BDSM, yes.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: So bondage discipline, right?
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: Sadomasochist, masochist it could also be.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: The D can also stand for dominant and the S can stand for submissive yes so they're interchangeable and the M is master and the S is slave.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: Masochist no masochist is master and S is slave.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: No Master and slave Wrong order.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: Slave master I've seen it, yes.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: It's in there, but yeah, nothing in there says sex though.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: No, nothing says, sex Can be included Does not have to be sex.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Good Lord, I want to take this clip and put this on Reddit because people keep making this fucking.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: It can be included, but it is not required.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: You do not need to have sex to engage in BDSM.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: Good Lord, people, another random eye.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: You don't have any rants, are you just in a good mood?
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: You seem to have them all.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm actually in a good mood.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: There's nothing to rant about.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: These are just definitions, no ranting people.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: See, if I knew you would read and watch the videos.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: I would send them to you.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: I don't have time for that bullshit.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: You don't have time for that bullshit.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: I have real life bullshit.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: I don't have time for that fake ass bullshit.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: What, what?
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: This is society.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: Fake ass, bullshit.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: Who do you think we're talking to?
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: Fake ass bullshit.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: No we're talking to our campsters.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: They're a part of society.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: No, our campers.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying our campers are fake ass bullshit.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: No, I'm saying they're part of society.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: The things that you read is fake ass bullshit.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: I do not agree that it is not fake ass bullshit because it's out there.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Want me to on there and put up number one we're all dominants are male and all submissives are female.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Let's not do that.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: The 10 lists that we had that were all on there.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Let's not do that.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: That's what we're dealing with.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: See, I would send you clips, but you wouldn't watch them.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I won't, it's out there.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: It's out there.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: I know they're aggravating.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: There's people out there, People you want to come contact me around the Kinky Campfire at Yahoo Campfire Kinksters on Instagram.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: I'll go out there and talk about this stuff, because there's people out there that are having these conversations.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: I'll talk about it.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: I'm just not going to waste my free time.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: It's not entertainment to me.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: That's supposed to be educational.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: That's why I sent it to you.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: I'll do it for educational purposes, but me looking at it, this is not educational so I need to put I can't do anything about it what you're out there educating people why?
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Would I?
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: Why would I engage in an online?
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: No?
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: no, you're not engaging it's for educational purposes the entertainment is your reaction for me oh great, but I'm giving it to you for education, because you're out there teaching people, which is actually helping.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, just gotta get you on a bigger stage.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to push you for education because you're out there teaching people, which is actually helping.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Just got to get you on a bigger stage.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to push you on to the bigger stage, trying to push me on a bigger stage.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll get you a TED Talk or something That'd be great.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't see that happening.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: You're trying to say you wouldn't do this for a living at some point.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: I mean if it could sustain my living.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: That's living, that's what I'm saying, the odds of that.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Oh see, we got a pessimist here.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I, julius aka falcor, aka the cuddle gigolo, believe in an optimistic world where we can both accomplish our goals and do this for a living.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: I find this very fun and entertaining to talk about this stuff, and I will get paid and then I'll pull you by the juice.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, we'll do that, hey this is rue.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: She actually knows what she's talking about.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: We'll do that.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: She does this is Rue.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: She actually knows what she's talking about.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: We'll do that.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: She does all the research.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: I'm just here for my pretty looks and also that I'm just so damn hilarious.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: That's all there is to it.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, got a little bit of factual stuff in there, but I'm mostly entertaining.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: I've come to realize that as an entertainment, creative, to entertain the people and then put in some like not necessarily factual, because I would encourage people to do their own research Campsters, do your own research, don't listen to us, just do your own research, it's out there but the fact that I can bring the entertainment in there and then also teach people at the same time so not really education, I'm just here to teach people and give them the information and then find the resources.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: I plan on doing some stand-up comedy at some point.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: Maybe I should be doing some stand-up comedy.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's going to be good, I just like doing it.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: I just think it's fun.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right, what's?
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: next, I'm moving you right along.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: No, I'm trying to get you to rant with me over here.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: You're not doing it.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: I have nothing to rant about, okay.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: So we talked about that, so let's talk about real quick one more basic thing Okay, topping and bottoming versus other roles.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: So one big misconception with definitions is people interchange top and dominant.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: They say I'm a dominant or they say I'm so they okay.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: So there's top and bottom.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: There's dominant, submissive.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: Those are basic terms.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: You can go down a rabbit hole and go into the other terms, um of dynamics, where you can say master, slave, handle handler um uh, you know, they have the mommies and daddies and they have littles and they have caregivers and littles Brat tamers.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we could be here forever going over different roles that people have or different dynamics that people have, ultimately, if we just stick with dominant-submissive, because that's the one you see the most.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: So my way of differentiating between the two is dominant and submissive is who you are, it's how you identify, it's how you feel that you walk in the world.
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: Top and bottom is what you do.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: It's the physical acts you are physically topping, but you are doing it either as a dominant or a submissive.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: They're not mutually inclusive.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: So just because you like to top, just because you like to do the things to people, doesn't mean that you're dominant.
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: It just means that you like to do the things to people.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: You can like things having done to you.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: You could like bottoming and be a dominant.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: They're interchangeable.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: You can be a submissive that likes to do things to people, so you can be a submissive that likes to do things to people, so you can be a submissive that tops.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: You could be a dominant that bottoms.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: You could be a dominant that tops and a submissive that bottoms.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: You could be a switch that does all the things.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: Um, so it's not if you look at it as the difference between, uh, the dynamic that you prefer how you identify your internal compared to the external, the things that you do.
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: Then it's easier to get the terms right but, it's just not as sexy, like in the books or in the writings, to talk about how much of a top you are compared to how much, how dominant you are.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: So I think the words are consistently misconstrued simply because of the sexiness, the sex vibe of the words.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: When you're reading smut, when you're reading writings of any kind like that, there's a certain power behind the word dominant and submissive that top and bottom just don't have, because you think of, like the top drawer in your kitchen, the bottom drawer, the bottom of your closet, you don't think the dominant drawer in your kitchen.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: You see what I'm saying.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: So just the words themselves have different connotations that draw visceral reactions from people, and that's what writers are going for.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: but actual definitions of terms and how they are used in the lifestyle and how they are used in the community are vastly different and see, I think that's where we are right now the fantasy versus the reality, especially with the, the conventions and communities that we are in.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: I think we're in that place where it's like the fantasy whether you read it, watch it, whatever versus the reality is definitely where our audience, our campsters, are mostly going to be drawn from.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: And you can have dominants and submissives who aren't interested in the physical play aspect of things.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: They are there for the authority exchange, they're there for the dynamic, they're there for all the interpersonal things that go along with it.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: And then you have people who are tops and bottoms that only like the physical things, that want nothing to do with the authority exchange.
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: They want nothing to do with the relinquishing of any authority, of any aspect of their life.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: They don't want any control over anybody else's aspect of their life and they just like to do the things.
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: And so again, they're not mutually inclusive.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: You can have them.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: You are very much still into BDSM, you are still very much into kink, you are still very much all of those things, and you might not ever be a dominant exactly or be a submissive can we agree this more so of a mindset than anything else?
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: yeah, also, I want to let people know, and I have to say this myself actually not just on like reddit or whatever.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: actually, in real life, bsm is not all in like you don't have to do everything.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: It's like an a la carte.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: That's what I say.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: It's like an a la carte.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: That's what I say to people.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: It's an a la carte menu.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: You take what you want.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Some people like rope, some people don't like rope.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: You know that's the type of thing you don't want to be bound in general.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: That too.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: Don't like chains and handcuffs or whatever, and some people don't like impact.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: No, they have no desire to be hit.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: They have no desire to hit anybody.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: They have no desire for any pain.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: Exactly, don't want to be discomforted in any way.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: That's why there are sensualists.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: There's people out there that are pleasure doms.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: There's different ways of doing this, so when I see those things and I talk to people, it's like it's a la carte.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: You take what you want from it and you leave what you don't, and you find the people that match what you like.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a big thing too is people assume that their community is it and it's like no, you can go find different communities of different people that like different things.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: You don't have to do what everybody says.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: And please, for the dear Lord, people, here comes another rant Safe words are a thing.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: There's no point If anybody tells you that safe words aren't to be used or something you have to decide for yourself.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: You're cool with that.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: I've seen that too many times now where people but dominant, or the or the submissive, in this particular cases, where submissive will be like oh, the dominant can't say safe words, it's like whoa, where, what?
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: No, that's not a thing.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: And even if you're doing practicing non-consent consent, cnc, consensual non-consent play there's always oh man.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just make sure you're using what you want to use.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: Use the safe words, don't use the safe words, but it's okay to do both.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: Have this conversation with people, but BDSM, take what you want from it and then you don't have to do everything.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: Yes, so yeah, I just want to put out there there's people that practice all these different things, but don't do the normal stuff.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: Quote, unquote normal stuff.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: okay, that should be good for the basics.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: I'm going to clip that though, by the way, because I'm going to put that out there topping and bottoming versus all the other identities and roles, there's different things.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: So now that we're armed with the basement basics, we're going to go on to the next segment.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: This is the first time in a play space public, private Basement Basics.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: We're going to go on to the next segment.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: This is the first time in a play space Ooh, public private house convention hall.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: In a play space Play space, not just like a munch or a meet up Somewhere there's going to be play when play is not your house.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: Or apartment, whatever.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: Walking in for the first time.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: Let's start with that.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: And time let's start with that.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: And then let's start with um general, general rules.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: I can't really say talk about everybody's rules or wherever they are, rules are going to be very specific to the play space.
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: So you should always understand the rules that you're walking into and if you don't know, ask.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: Please ask what the rules are.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: Don't just fuck around and find out, because you'll get kicked out.
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: It's not a good thing, it's not a good look.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: So always ask the host what are the expectations, what are the rules?
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: And then if you have a question throughout the night I wonder if this would break a rule then ask.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: If you have to wonder about it, then you should ask.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: Don't assume.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, observe the rules and don't assume that sex is always going to be allowed.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Let's just make that general thing there.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Always make sure your sex, even in the places that allow sex.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: I know you can't just have sex wherever you want.
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: So make sure you're doing that stuff in the actual place.
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: What are their protocols around sex Exactly?
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: And then also, when you're conducting a scene, make sure you're doing it in a loud space, because even then you might not be able to do it everywhere and not everybody consented to being a part of your scene.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: Even you know you're doing orgasm denial or something for you and your partner or whatever it is.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: At that time make sure you get consent from the people running the place and hopefully there's some kind of like consent monitoring going on.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: I just know for me personally this is my personal opinion If they're not observing the consent monitoring and nobody's actually making sure that that's happening, I would just not go to that place there you go, it's perfectly okay to leave that place if you see stuff going on.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: As a new person that's never been to that place before, make sure those people are there.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Somebody's monitoring that type of thing.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: If they have nobody monitoring the area, I would find that very sketchy.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: Not frequent that place again, but most of the times, especially in a public place public business place they are observing that because they want to stay in business.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: House parties maybe not so much, but hopefully you're going to a place part of a group that makes that very known.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: And if you have a problem with that, make sure you let somebody know and have a discussion for that type of thing.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: You had another rant there.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: I noticed.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, any other safety things to look?
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: out.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: For I would say if you've never been to the space before, it's always good to maybe have things that you bring with you.
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: Don't assume they have things for you.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: Bring your own towels, bring your own cleaning supplies for your toys and your spaces, just to be polite until you learn what that space has.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: Most any public space is going to have these things.
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: But again, it just depends on where you go, on what they have and what they offer.
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: Don't assume that they're going to have food and drinks.
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: See if you're allowed to bring your own and what the rules are around that.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: Some places allow alcohol, some places don't, and what their rules are on that.
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: Some people allow eating, but only in certain spaces.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: A lot of parties, if they don't have food and drink there, they will do a potluck and so you don't want to be that person who didn't bring something if that's the social norm.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: They've gotten to the point now where they specifically say everybody should bring something, everybody bring a dish, something like that.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: And when they say, bring a dish, don't bring like green bean casserole or like something that requires like a bowl and spoon or something Like try to keep it finger food Try to keep it light People still bring the fruit salads.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: Okay, they bring a lot of good stuff.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: I'm just saying, just be mindful of where you're going.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: You're not going to a backyard picnic, Like be mindful of where you're going.
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: You're not going to a backyard picnic, Like be mindful of where you're going.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: But yeah, as far as safety goes, I would just have just make sure you can be self-sufficient Until you get used to the space, until you get used to what they do have.
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: I would say, make sure you're self-sufficient.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: Yes, and also for my single people, because a lot of us adults don't know how to make friends.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you can go as a single person male or female or other and be in most cases totally fine.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: But do your vetting, but make sure you go to the space and they're observing the consent.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: Because you can go as a single person, that's totally allowed.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: In most cases it's totally fine.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: In most cases nobody's going to.
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: I can't even really say this.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what I'm trying to say here, because it's like I'm trying to make a generalization.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: But the fact is, in general you'll be safe, but I can't say that so much.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean the whole point of public spaces is that it is an unwritten rule that if you are entering a public space, that they are providing a safe environment for you to do the things yes or not, I've never I've never encountered any type of open public play party where you just walk into an open room and there's no rules, there's no, snatch you up and tie you up.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: It's just, we provided a space and it's a free-for-all.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: I've never seen that.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: I'm sure it sounds great in theory, yeah, but I've never.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: It doesn't exist.
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: That I'm aware of.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: Um, even house parties have rules and expectations and social norms for the group that's running it so yeah, so it is an understanding, understanding that anytime you are going into any kind of public space, that they have created a safe space for you to be there.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Yes, how about this?
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: I have seen single people all genders go to parties the ones I've been to and they've been perfectly fine, had a good time, made new friends, met a friend they had online, had fun.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: So that's totally fine too.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: You can go there as a single person.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: However, even as a couple, you are not obligated to do anything.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: No, it is totally normal in all the spaces that I've been in to be people to be fully clothed if they wanted to be and just hang out.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: Totally hang out.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: So same thing with munches and all the things.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: It's totally fine, you just go and hang out.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: I've not seen a problem with somebody just hanging out before.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: You don't have to get naked, you don't have to fuck, you don't have to play.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: It's not an assumption.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: Just go and hang out, check it out for the first few times, or a couple years, like some of us, had to Stand on the side, just that's it.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: So is there anything in particular that you do when you go into a new space?
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: I'm so any any space that I go into.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: I'm a back of the class kind of gal, so I always like hang out on the fringes and I try to see who the players are.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: Okay, I try to see yeah.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: I will people watch and I will try to see what's the space about.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: So I am that nerd that will make sure I know where all the exits are.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: I will make sure I know where all the bathrooms are.
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: I'll make sure I know if there's rooms that aren't visual to the common area.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: Yes, and so I am that person that will scope that out first, and then I just kind of hang out on the perimeter and watch a little bit Say perimeter.
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: We're kind of biased here as being like military kids and like having to know where all the exits, the perimeter is.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: So I will do that.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: And then and I'm watching to see who's who, I'm watching to see how does how does everybody interact with each other?
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: Is there a sign up sheet for play spaces?
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: Is there a whiteboard where you can put hey, I'm available for this for people to match up?
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: Is it everybody hanging around the water cooler?
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: Is it the social space?
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm trying to figure out what are these social norms in the space that I'm in and then, once I feel like I've got a good handle on at least the basics of the social norms, I'll experiment a little bit.
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: You know, have some small talk with some people around me.
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: Usually by then I'm approached by somebody because I'm new.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: That must be nice.
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: And so they'll be curious, just out of curiosity, because sometimes in some spaces you just don't see new people very often, yes, and so it'll pique curiosity and so you know I'll do small chit chat with people and they'll introduce Usually, you know I can get introduced to other people and so and then I'll just take my vibe from there.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: If it's a vibe where, like, I'm seeing a lot of things that maybe don't jive with me personally, or things that I wouldn't personally get involved in, I'll stay on that perimeter and just be social and not really interject myself too much.
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: If it seems like my kind of people and it seems like I would have a lot in common with you know the majority of the people that I'm in the room with I might interject myself a little bit more, make it a point to introduce myself to a couple of people and go from there.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: So yeah it's, I don't truly get comfortable and let my guard down in a space until I've been there a few times yes, so yeah, it's got to be the military breath it is.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: I do the same exact thing.
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: I need to there a few times.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: Yes, so yeah, it's gotta be the military presence.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: I do the same exact thing.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: I need to go a couple of times and like people wanna jump in there and it's like, no, no, no, calm down.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna tease you right now because I'm not doing anything.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: I might fuck with you a little bit, but it's not happening right now.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: I need to get my senses.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: Most spaces that I go to will have some kind of like tour, even if it's not a public place, quote unquote they will do some kind of tour.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: So you can take that into like a quality check of the place.
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: It's like, if you have a space where there's obviously like toys and beds or whatever it is there and they're not giving you some kind of tour, that's like, hmm, there's something going on there.
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: But feel free to do that yourself, feel free to ask questions.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: I would make sure I know who the hosts or the dms are.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: Even if it's um, just like a sex party or whatever, there's usually some kind of host going on and somebody that knows what's going going on in the place yeah, and I thoroughly enjoy watching people
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: yes people intrigue, I'm entertained by them watching.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: I there's a huge, uh, sociology part, but in me that loves to watch, kind of like a live documentary, you know, just seeing how people interact, seeing who interacts with who see, and all of that.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: So just that for me is entertaining.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: So even if I don't quote, unquote, do anything or have a scene or anything like that, it's not a bust for me because I'm trying to figure out if I want to come back.
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: Another good thing I like to check, too, is the sturdiness of the furniture whether it's sex furniture or impact furniture there, I want to make sure that cross is attached to the wall.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: I want to make sure that cross is attached to the wall.
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: I want to make sure that bench is not going to collapse if I put it, or at least has a sturdy base.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah or that bench isn't going to collapse with a 200-pound-plus person leaning on it or something.
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: Well, you've got to be able to read the room because people consider me a heavy player.
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: I can play on the heavy side of impact.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: Depending yeah.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: Things like that.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: I can adjust to the person, but in general I can be a heavy player and so not all spaces are used to play like that, and so allow it or allow what they consider to be heavy play, and so I don't want to just go into a new space with all of my stuff with a person and then just start going to town on what I would think would be a normal enjoyable scene for me in a bottom and everybody else is like what the fuck is she doing?
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: Like we don't do that here, like you know I'm saying, and so I don't want to get that bad impression because I'd be like, oh my bad, I thought this was a bdsm party, I'm doing my bdsm thing and it not go with the flow of that group.
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: So that's why I I would rather wait, I would rather, even if I never play the first time I'm in a space, I'm okay with that yep.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: I am perfectly okay, because I would rather get a feel of how to adjust to the space, because I don't.
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: I personally do not walk into spaces and expect the space to adjust to me.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: I expect to adjust to the social norms set by the space.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: Now that doesn't mean that I compromise myself and it doesn't mean I compromise who I am or what I believe in or what I stand up for.
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: It just means I'm not.
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: This place existed for a reason before.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: I saw it, found it, walked into it and it's working for those people.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: And either I'm going to fit into it and it's going to jive for me or I'm not and it's just not the space for me.
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: But I'm not going to know that if I don't give it time.
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: So I need to give it time to see if it's even a place I want to be in.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely observe the rules there's.
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: There's all kinds of different ones out there, and it's yeah, you got to man.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: If we can't emphasize this enough, just go and hang out.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: Some of us just like being around like-minded people.
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not a big public sex person, but I enjoy watching people play.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: They might.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: They might be doing something I ain't never seen before.
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: That too, I want to be able to watch it, yeah.
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: There's totally fine and I don't know about you, but I've heard some voyeuristic hate out there and it's like you know what.
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: Some people just like watching and being around like-minded people.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: I don't, you know.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: You ask me am I doing anything?
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: I say no, you give me.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: It's totally fine.
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: I'm saying this for the people that are questioning this out there.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: You can go and hang out.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Julius says so.
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: Falcor says now there has been a time where I've walked into a space for the first time.
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: It did happen to me once.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: I walked into a dungeon, a public dungeon for a first time with friends um, they were established in the dungeon.
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: I was not, I was visiting and um had been there for a couple hours.
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: You know I was, I was very comfortable, I understood the space and all that was in it.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: And this gentleman was talking to me.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: We were just sitting socializing and we were just talking and he asked me if I would like to play and I was like you know, I'm just visiting, I don't have my stuff.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: I'd have to ask my friends if I could borrow their stuff and this and that.
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: And he's like, well, you know, you just seem really cool.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: He was just generally a nice guy and our play styles aligned and I was like you know what, okay, let's go.
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: And I did it and we had a blast, we had an amazing time.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: So I was grateful that I did that, so I can do it.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: But I was already comfortable in the space.
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: I was comfortable with the people I was around, it was okay.
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: So it's not a hard fast rule.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying that any new time.
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: I walk into a space.
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: I never do anything but socialize.
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: I was about to say you just messed up our examples there.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: It's just the whole 10 minutes that we talked about.
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: But it's a spectrum.
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: If you're feeling the jive of the place, then go with it.
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: You know, if the opportunity presents it, I generally will just observe until I figure out if it's a space for me.
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: I was comfortable in this space.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: I was comfortable with the people around me, I was comfortable with the rules.
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: He was a very nice gentleman, you know, and I was like the people around me.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: I was comfortable with the rules.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: He was a very nice gentleman, you know, and I was like you know what.
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: Sure, why not?
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: Let's try it.
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: I'm going to take it back too.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: I have an example.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: We were the partner to a space.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: It was like an hour away to go there and I had heard good things about the place and we got there.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: The reality was better than the fantasy that I had in my head.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: So I'm like you know what People here are cool, we're going to put a show for the people, and then we ended up doing stuff and I just said before I'm not a big public sex person, but stuff happened there too, because it was allowed there and it was like you know what?
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: We got to drive an hour the night, yeah.
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: So I'm like you know what?
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: Might as well do it, because don't see it happening very often, but that happens too.
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: It's very, very nice place.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: We got a tour, the.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: The hosts were very nice and they're very observant.
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: They had nice rules that I enjoyed as well.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: So you know what?
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: Go ahead and do that too, but my point is that wasn't the plan.
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: It just ended up that way.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: We were totally fine just going and checking it out, so you can can do that as well.
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: All right, anything else you want to say about?
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: it.
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: New spaces.
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: Just, my only suggestion would be going into a new play space, whether you go alone or whether you go with a partner or you go with a friend.
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: You're always going to go in with expectations, but try to go in with an open mind, with your expectations.
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: Everybody's going to do things a little bit different.
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: Everybody's going to have different reasoning why they do things different, and either you decide that it matches with you and what you're about and what you stand for and how you represent yourself, or it doesn't.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: And if it doesn't, it doesn't mean that the establishment is bad and it doesn't mean that what they're doing is wrong.
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: It just means it doesn't jive with you and so don't.
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: I see all too often people go into a space and have these we've done a, we've done a podcast on this early on where people go into a space and they had these expectations and their expectations were met and next thing you know they're going online saying, well, I went to this space and nobody talked to me and nobody did this and nobody asked me to play and I just I felt everybody was clicky and everybody was this, and so I left.
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: Well, what did you do?
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: Did you just sit in a corner and expect people to come talk to you.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: Did you sit there?
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: Like?
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: What was the look on your face?
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: You know how did you participate in a in a space that already existed before you, you know?
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: So, just because a place doesn't vibe with you, or you didn't vibe the first time, that might be a way for you to sit back and go.
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: Is there anything I could have done different?
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: Was there anything I missed out on?
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: Was there, you know?
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: Are there social groups that I can be a part of?
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: That go to this place.
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: I can get to know people before I go back, so I don't feel isolated.
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: You know they're gonna be.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: It might, it's not that and the space could very well be a bad space.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: They could be known for being clicky and not friendly to outsiders and all of those things.
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: And also I've never seen any space where they were obligated to talk to you.
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: But they're not.
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: But do a little bit of research, do a little bit of homework on the space before you walk in, and then you can reevaluate.
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: But just because your initial expectations weren't met doesn't mean the space was bad.
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, don't make assumptions there.
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: That's pretty wild.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: Yes, I know what you're talking about now, and yeah, I've never seen anywhere on any rules where people are going to talk to you when you come here.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: I don't see that anywhere.
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: You still have to be sociable.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: You can do a whole big thing about communicating with new people.
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: That's like walking into a classroom and you know, like a college class or whatever, and walking out pissed off because nobody wanted to talk to you, like read the room, like you literally walked into a class where you knew nobody, you know, did you strike up a conversation with anybody?
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: Did you say, hi, my name is, you know, and if you can say no, you didn't do all those things.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: That's some self-reflection that might need to go on in how you treat new spaces.
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, assumptions, we all have them, but we don't have to listen to them.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: It's great.
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, a little bit shorter episode, but that's fine, because we went over basics again, which we're going to have to in a year from now.
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: So mark this on the calendar.
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: We'll be doing this again in spring, because we still got to do these things.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: Well, that was another episode of Around the Kinky Campfire.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: I still don't have an outro.
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: At some point we'll have an outro, but we do new episodes every second and fourth Thursdays of the month on all the major platforms.
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you get a solo episode from me, mostly Every first and third, most of the time Thursdays of the month.
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: Check us out on Campfire Kingsters with K's On Instagram.
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: Around the Kinky Campfire with K's All the K's, on all major platforms Spotify, itunes, amazon, all those different things I.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: This is Ria.
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: This is Falkor Flying Dragon, or Julius, if you want to call me that.
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: Goodbye, hello, goodbye.