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The Lost Art of Connection: How to Get it Back · My Sexy Menopause Body

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to MySexy Metapod Body, where we're flipping the script on what it means to feel strong, sexy, and empowered in midlife and beyond.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Join your host, Kim Nicholson, as she gets real about the changes we face.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Body, mind, and spirit, and why this phase of life is an opportunity to redefine what sexy means on your terms.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: This is a space for honest conversations, expert advice, and stories from women just like you.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's go.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Kim Nicholson, and today I have the absolute pleasure of welcoming an extraordinary guest.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you about her first before I tell you who she is.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: She is an award-winning author and keynote speaker, known for reviving human connection in our digital world that we live in today.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: So through the lost art of handwritten letters, which I think is absolutely beautiful, she has found a way to bridge differences and foster incredible, meaningful relationships and remind us all that the connection is not about presence and not convenience.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Her books, Dear Dana and her second book, You Cannot Mess This Up, have touched countless lives.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: And today we're going to be talking to Amy Winland Daughters, her story, her mission, and how we all can bring more depth to our daily interactions.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: So welcome, Amy.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so excited to have you here on our podcast today.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you so much for having me on.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'm super excited about our conversation.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, me too.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when I first learned about you, I was so impressed.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: And actually, I had spoken with some of our listeners, and I've got some questions.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: So at the end today, I'm going to ask you some questions from some of the listeners who had uh I've got two of the questions that they had written in about.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, but first of all, let's begin this journey with you.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: So you wrote 580 handwritten letters to your Facebook friends.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's just absolutely mind-blowing.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to know what inspired you to start this journey.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: And that's it's a great question.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know, when I look at the story of the 580 letters and I'm amazed that it happened.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: So it's not, you know, and it and it was such a non-intentional journey.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I like to tell their story by starting to say I was minding my own business because I was.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_02: I, you know, I was a freelance writer.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_02: Uh I'd written for a long time.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I didn't go looking for this.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_02: The story just kind of happened to me.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm on Facebook one day, several years ago.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: I had a friend who I worked at a summer camp in Texas with, and she um, you know, we spent maybe six weeks together.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: And we both had huge personalities.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_02: We were loud, and I'm sure that resonated with me, and I remembered her because we had fun.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_02: And then we did 30 years completely apart, didn't speak one word, no electronic communication, nothing.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: And uh, but her name had always kind of kicked around in my head.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: So one day I'm on Facebook minding my own business, and I look her up, and there she is.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: So since it means nothing, it's social media.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: I friend request her, she accepts, probably not even really remembering who I am.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: And then I, you know, I spend the the delightful five minutes stalking her, looking at her, and you know, looking through her page to see yeah, what she's done.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like her hair was different.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: That really was exciting, you know.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: But I looked through her her life or what you can find out on Facebook.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: And um, but I found out right away that she had um overachieved and children.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: She had five children, and uh, she had four girls, and the youngest child was her only son, Parker.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: And and right away from her posts, I could tell that um Parker had cancer, and Parker was at St.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: Jude in Memphis, Tennessee.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_02: So it was a serious situation.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I kind of felt myself like overfeeling it a little bit, you know, because I was like, oh my god, because as a mom, as a human being, as a person, I was like, this is the worst case scenario.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: So she asked people to pray, and I I I liked prayers, so I started praying for him, but I never hit like, I never commented on anything because I felt like that was completely disingenious.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: This girl didn't even really know me, and I didn't know her, but I felt very invested in the story.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: So um he goes into remission, they go back home somewhere in Louisiana where they live, and uh kind of on the back corner for me, and then later that same year, um, she does this long post and she's very honest.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: Her name's Dana, she's very honest, very, you know, uh transparent.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: So she posts that, you know, he's relapsed, they're going back to St.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: Jude.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, man, you know, obviously, this is awful.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: And so I sit down the next Monday morning at my desk and I it was like a lightning bolt hit me.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, you know what I'm gonna do?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna start writing them like supportive little notes and sending them to the Ronald McDonnell house in Memphis.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: And really the story's different levels of me being crazy because you know, it's it's I'm like, she doesn't even know who I am when I'm gonna send her cards.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I haven't written written anybody a letter in 25 years.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_02: So it's not like I came into the story as the letter writing lady.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's not that that's not what this was.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: I was just like, and I wrote letters when I was in college, when I went to camp, you know, when I was a kid, but that was that was years and years ago.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: I was doing what everybody else was doing.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: So I start writing these these two of these letters, and I know I'm doing I'm like, this is kind of crazy.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: But I start sending letters to Dana and Parker, and I do that for about eight to 10 weeks.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: Then I could tell Dana's post started to shift because I was following along with the story while I was writing the letters.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, the year turns into January, and you know, and there's no good words for this.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: Kimberly Parker loses his battle with cancer.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: He's only 15 years old.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: So just just total devastation, you know, and again, even though it had nothing to do with me at all, and I was so aware of that, I was like, okay, wait a second, what am I gonna do next?
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_02: And and I just got a mini lightning bolt, and I was like, you know what I'm gonna do?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just gonna keep writing data letters.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_02: But then, like, where does she even live in Louisiana?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: And like, what's her address?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_02: And you don't, and you don't message somebody that at this point.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: And so I remembered because I met her husband the summer before at the same camp, and he was an attorney.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, oh, so then I'll be really, you know, bananagrams nuts, and I'll start sending the letters to his law office.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: And that's literally what I did.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I knew every week when I wrote these letters, I put her on my writing schedule, I'd write her Sunday, I'd mail the letter on Monday.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: Every time I wrote, I was like, I am crazy.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: This is nuts.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: You have lost your mind.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: But I couldn't stop myself.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: I just couldn't stop.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: And so four months into this, me writing her at her husband's law office stress.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: I go out to my mailbox.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: We lived in Ohio at the time, and uh it's my birthday.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: And I opened the mailbox, and here's this 10-page letter from a handwritten letter from Dana.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it was one of the greatest moments of my life.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, holy sineizel, she wrote me back.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_02: And so I take this letter into my house, and here she opens up about you know her grief, she opens up about her life, you know, stuff I couldn't know on Facebook.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_02: And this kicks off two years of me and Dana.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_02: All we did was write each other letters for two years.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: We didn't see each other, we didn't text each other, we didn't Facebook message each other.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: And it created this incredibly profound intimate relationship where we told each other things, and and there was no, if you think about letter writing, there was no expectation for any kind of response.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: It was this vacuum of I didn't know if she was even reading what I said.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_02: She had no idea what I was saying.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: And we would say stuff like, oh, I never told anybody this, but I know I can trust you.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like, who does that?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like we don't even know, we don't know anything about each other except for we slowly shared our our our stories in these letters.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_02: But the best thing was I had no idea what Dana specifically believed in.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_02: I knew she believed in God, but I didn't know what how she voted.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know her socioeconomic level.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know like her how she stood on any issue.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: And you know what, Kimberly, I couldn't care less.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_02: All I knew is I loved this person and I was devastated for her, but she was my friend, and that mattered more.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: So about eight months into this two-way exchange with Dana, which was to me completely life-changing.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_02: I I sat back and I was like, you know, this can happen with the one girl whose hair changed in Louisiana.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know, what else, what other untapped goodness is in this list of 600 people?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so then I then I went all world nuts nut so.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I I got an Excel spreadsheet, I put everybody's name in it, I printed out the little slips of paper, I shoved them into a box, I bought stationery, and I went on this amazing, incredible 18-month journey of right, handwriting every one of those people.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: I and I didn't think I actually was gonna do it.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: I journaled it.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: I I was it wasn't gonna be a book, but now it's a book, it's a speech, I can't shut up about it.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's the greatest story of my life.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I had to tell you, as I'm listening to this incredible transformation of your relationship, it brought tears to my eyes and gave me goosebumps, the good kind of goosebumps.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that is such a powerful story because you know, you know, here's my problem.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, it's like I, you know, am on Facebook and Instagram and things like that, and we all live in a world of, you know, like, oh, I gotta like this.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like you had said, and some thought, sometimes, you know, you're you're not quite sure whether you like it.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: Or here's another funny thing for about me is that I don't understand emojis.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: I wish there was some sort of dictionary to explain.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: One time I put an emoji on and my kids were like, Mom, take that down, that's not right.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, well, I don't know what they are and what they mean.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, have likes and you know, emojis replaced real connection.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and you know, these handwritten letters that you're talking about, you got to know them, that family, and such a deep level.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: And that is something that that's basically emotional depth.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's something that'll last forever.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, can you imagine she's probably telling the same story about you on the other side?
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: So just think about what she thinks.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I just think that is absolutely, positively fantastic.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: You're not crazy.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: I love this kind of crazy but it is right.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: And it, I mean, and it just transformed, you know, my life.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: She's she's my my very best friend now.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I've I've never had a friend like that.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: We're you know, we're on a girls' trip right now and she and she's in the other room.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: So that's how that's no, no, that's how that's how close we are, you know.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: So but but but you're right about the depth of uh communication because it turns out that social media, I wouldn't even be talking to you if if it wasn't for social media.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: So we can we can villainize it all we want to, but it is the jump off point for real relationship.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, what I realized over and over again was that one, the the power of a handwritten letter and note, it does not have to be a two-page letter, it does not have to be, there don't have to be 600 of them.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: That's all ridiculous.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: But it just, I got a great story to tell out of it, is what I got.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_02: But over and over again, people were so blown away by these letters because it's such an intentional act.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: And when they, you know, when you go to the mailbox, and let's say you and I went to high school together, and we went to high school very closely together, as it turns out.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: But let's say we we actually went to high school together, and if if I go out to my mailbox and I get a handwritten card or note from you in my mailbox, I'm gonna immediately pull that out and I'm gonna think, oh, and I'm gonna connect the dots.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I know this because this happened over and over and over again.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna be like, oh my gosh, Kimberly had to sit down.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_02: She had to find a pen.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, where are the cards?
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: Then she had to like text my mom and get my address or somebody.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like, how'd she even do that?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: And then she had to like she had to seal the envelope.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, where are the stamps?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody even has those anymore.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: And then you had to get in your car and Frisco Tress Texas and find the post office.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: And then and then so, and then you created this magical moment for me where I'm gonna stand by my mailbox and I'm gonna hold this.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna be like, this is how much I matter to another human being.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: Boom.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_02: And over and over again, people were the the number one response I got from those letters was the most common response was this I will save your letter in a special place for the rest of my life.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know what it reminds me of, you know, I get excited when the Amazon truck comes by, but you know what?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just thinking as I'm listening to you, I would be more excited when the postman comes by and drops off a handwritten letter.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you just don't see those anymore.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: What a true gift.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, the steps that you just kind of identified are true.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: It takes effort.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, the other thing that's come into mind, Amy, is that you know, handwriting, what I'm I'm listening to you, and handwriting is is really positive emotional health because if you think about it, it's very similar to journaling or being mindful, isn't it?
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_02: And there's a lot of science, you know, uh attached to the the act of the the letter writing itself, like with the endorphins it releases, you know, like you said, the writing, the journaling, because the you know, the most powerful thing, and it makes me think of the the letters between Dana and I, and we laugh about it because it almost turned in from dear Dana to Dear Diary.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_02: Because I I I looked at my life from the outside in and it was therapeutic over and over again.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: I was just trying to fill these pages to say something to this woman at the at the other mailbox, you know, and and it turned into me just over and over again, you know, looking at my life from the outside in.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: And I I came out with a much different perspective.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: And then for the Facebook letters, you know, writing those letters, you know, first of all, I looked at people as individuals and I had to figure out something to say.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: So I wouldn't stalk every single person.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: And then I realized, oh my gosh, I'm connected to these rock stars, these incredible people.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_02: And then I you would sit back and say, Well, how am I connected to this person?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: And you got the chance to thank people, to tell people you were you supported their struggles, to congratulate them for stuff that I most of it I didn't even know about.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: And uh that combined, the person who walked away the most change from all the letter writing was me.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: And the person who like if you go write letters, if you participate in this at any level, the person who who walks away the most change is the person writing the letters 100%.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: You're absolutely right.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what this also brings to mind as you know, as I as I getting older, I realize that one part of depression can be people who are not connected anymore.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I mean, I know that I used to write letters to my great aunt Ethel, and she thought that was hilarious that I would actually write great Aunt Ethel on the front of it.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, today I, except for some Christmas cards, I really don't do any handwritten letters.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: So if somebody really wanted to start, where do you recommend that they they they start?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think all of us need a little bit more of being connected to one another.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I love the fact that, you know, you connected with Dana and you really didn't know her, but now you've got this incredible friendship and you're with her right now, which I think is absolutely amazing.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: But where do you where how does somebody start on something like this if you were to give advice and you know?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's a great question because I mean, I think the first thing all of us would have to get over, and I know this because just my own experience is is the one of the biggest hurdles is you know, like allowing yourself that space where I'm gonna do this and I'm going to not think about this is ridiculous.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: Like I I'm putting myself out there by doing this.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: Because I guarantee the the number one rule in letter writing or card and note writing is there are no rules.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_02: It it meets you right where you are because basically what I would advise is I'd say go to Target or Walmart and get the smallest note cards you can, like a little cute little note card or a small little thing.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like it, it is such a small investment, but start out with something small.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: And then it as every time I talk about this, people have somebody in mind.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_02: They think they might want to write a note too.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: So I would go straight with that person, go 100% with your gut and just write what you feel, write what you know.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have to be a writer.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's the problem with my stories.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: I was a writer coming into the letter writing.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: But the only thing required to uh to participate in this is a human heart.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: That's all you really need.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: And then 73 cents and about 15 minutes of your time.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_02: But and if you just write down what you feel, you're not gonna get wrong.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: Are you are you gonna do it in two sentences?
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: That's perfect.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: Are you gonna do it in 64 paragraphs?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's great.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: Is your handwriting a little off?
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: That's awesome because you're being vulnerable then.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: That's even better.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_02: You're showing that person because if you're gonna say something from your heart, and it regardless of how long it takes you to do it, and you and you're gonna stick it in the mail and send it to somebody, I guarantee you you are going to change the world one note at a time.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I and I say that uh with experience.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not saying that like it's a good idea, you know, out there.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_02: It is an actual, we all have this tool in our human toolkits.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's just a matter of, and it's so simple, just a matter of using the tool.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I think you really brought up a good point is that vulnerability, because a very good friend of mine, I just learned on social media yesterday that her father had passed away, and I just couldn't, it took me a while.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: I had to step away and figure out my emotions and everything I wrote, I was going to, you know, comment on.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: It just seemed so distant.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so we decided we're gonna do something different.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't post anything on her social media post, and because I that's not who I am.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I think being vulnerable, like you said, is key, but it's also freeing, you know.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's oh yeah, it feels so good to be vulnerable at times.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think people like that at first.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_02: And if you participate in this, you're gonna feel that.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna if you get yourself over the hurdle of saying, oh, I can't say this.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: Because I found out, Kim, over and over again.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: I found out that it is never too late to tell another human being that you care about them.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_02: Because I went through all that.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh, well, her mother passed away two years ago and I never said anything.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_02: But then I put it in the letter and people would just respond so it meant so much to them.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's it's never too late to say something, and you can't, and I I learned this from Dana because I wrote to Dana, I didn't, I I wasn't the right person to to listen to someone who was grieving in that extreme way.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_02: But it turned out that me just showing up and saying something was everything.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: It would that that was everything.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: It was not that I had ever had the right words.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: You know what?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: I'll never help Dana with her grief.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'll never be able to do anything about that, you know.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I I hate that, but but I but but we can show up for each other in note writing is such or letter writing is such an intentional way because you're not asking for anything back, it's non-intrusive.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: You're you're just putting yourself out there and saying, I care about you, and then and then you're just leaving it.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: And it's that is so powerful because people don't feel like they have to reply to that, and then you should really go into it not looking for a reply because you you can change the world without uh without even knowing it.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that is that's so powerful.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: How about what is your opinion on like rebuilding lost connections?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not talking about old boyfriends and things like that.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: That's a great point right there.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even want to go there.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: That'll be another uh episode, I guess.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: I really want like like there are friends that I had, you know, 30 years ago, and I I didn't, I'm not the best friend.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: I don't keep in touch like I should.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: How would I or somebody like me go about rebuilding a lost connection?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, did you have any lost connections that you had that you rebuild during the Oh, absolutely, because uh what like I said, when I sat down to write the letters, let's say like I was gonna write you a letter and you were my high school friend.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it was so easy to do.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: It's almost, and then I created this little formula without creating a formula.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: I just did it non-intentionally, but this is the way it worked out because I wanted to write a bunch of letters.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_02: So immediately I would I would go to the old friends page and I would look and see what they'd done.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: And and I would look at your page and say, Oh my God, look at her empowering these women with this coaching thing and and the podcasting, you know, and then look, you know, and I maybe I found out that one of your parents had passed away.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: So the first part of the letter would be like, you know, I I just want to let you know that I've seen your the work that you're doing.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, I I knew you a lot of years ago, but I just want to tell you I'm proud to be your friend because you are you are knocking it out of the park.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_02: And then I I could say, look, and I'm sorry about your mom.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: I know that happened a year ago or two years ago, but I remember your mom and how she would come out when I pick you up and blah, blah, blah.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: And then the second part of it, of the reconnecting process, is to really sit back and think, you know, who is this, who was Kim to me in high school?
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: And it's such a natural human thing to do.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I click, oh, Kim, oh, she was the girl who stood with me next to the payphone in the in the in the commons when Larry broke up with me.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: And Kim got right in my face and was like, Amy, this is not going to define your life.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna have much better relationships with this.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like, oh my gosh, Kim's basically doing that with her work now, but she I was her early client.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then I get a chance to say this, Kim, hey, thank you for being my friend.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: That really made a difference.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: And you were right, and it has worked out.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's been messy and it's been beautiful and it's been uh ridiculous and the best thing ever, my real life.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: But you kind of set, you know, you kind of set me on uh on a good path.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: And so I get to say those things to you.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: So on one end of that transaction, imagine receiving a note like that.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: But on the other, even better, imagine getting to write something like that.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: Life changing.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: It is life changing.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: And again, I wish I had Kleindex's close by.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: You're bringing tears to my eyes because this is so powerful.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I just hope that people receive the power that I'm receiving when I'm listening to you because it's just so important and yet so simple.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um there's a few things I want to ask you before we end, because this this conversation has been absolutely incredibly inspiring.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: But um I wanted to ask you kind of like first, you know, some short answer questions.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to know what is the best letter.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: Now, this may be very hard for you because you probably get a lot of letters now, but what is the best letter you've ever received?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh boy, that's that's a tough one.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: I I'm just gonna I'm just gonna tell you what the first thing that came to mind.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: I I wrote I wrote someone that I had met who was uh through a like a golf thing I had done, like a golf event that I had covered.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I met this girl and like we hung out through the whole thing.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like 27 and I was like 47.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I thought she was really cool and she thought I was really cool, but you know, and we hadn't seen each other in probably 10 years after the fact, and this was part of the Facebook letter projects.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and she was not of the letter writing, you know, age.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like she didn't, but this girl sat down with her gel pens.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, she's a 30-year-old woman with kids, you know, and she every paragraph was a different color, and she explained her whole life since I had seen her in like this 12-page with stickers and this delightful, you know, it was it was like we had gone back to 1984 and we and she was in my the English class next to mine, and she was like, and it was it was beautiful because it was so unexpected and it was such full of joy and effort.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: And I loved it was very vulnerable, but I loved every moment.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I wonder if she sat there and thought, oh my gosh, she's gonna think I'm crazy.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_02: And now I'm, you know, five years after the fact, I'm I'm calling it the greatest letter of my life.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, I've got an interesting story.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: So a girlfriend of mine, her son is a in tenth grade, he got a handwritten birthday card from his grandmother.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: And on the left side of the card, she had written him a note in cursive.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: They don't even take cursive or do cursive in high school anymore, at least up here in Dallas area.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so he had to ask his mom, what does this say?
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: How sad is that?
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's crazy, isn't it?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: And you and it makes you think too about you know, our handwriting is a part of our personality.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like people of our age group, um, you know, we knew our grandparents' handwriting, we knew our parents' handwriting.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: If we saw it right now, we know.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: But that's one thing you can do.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, because I've written my children, my husband I've written because of all this.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm just saying, but my children are gonna know my handwriting, and that's a gift you can give your children, your grandgrandchildren, your sisters, your brothers to be reintroduced to you in that way.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's a very intimate, personal part of our personality that we don't show anymore.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: It is, and you know, it's funny that you say that because I'm no, I'm gonna, I know you're gonna be this, you're gonna answer the same way that I did.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: I have kept every letter that my kids when they were little, now they're adults now, but when they were little, I kept every little letter that they wrote me, Mother's Day, birthdays, or whatever it was, and all the birthday cards that my mom and my dad, and anybody who had given me that really means a lot to me.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: I had this huge shoebox.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: And every once in a while I like to go in there and just pull one out randomly.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: Always puts a smile on my face.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: So absolutely.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: I I have the same box that I showed.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so grateful because my father's passed away now, who I was very close with, and I get his letters out that he wrote me at Texas Tech, and I read them sometimes, and it's just his voice.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's like having him here, and it's great because the letter, that's the thing.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_02: They he wasn't sitting there when I got the letter, but I feel like his presence is there again in that letter 100%.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_02: And that's again a gift we can give to people in our lives right now, today.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it is definitely a gift because you're I love what you said.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: You can hear their voice because you know, we all speak in a certain tone.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: I've got uh nine published books as well.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember one of the publishing houses said to me, write in your own voice.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: Don't try to pretend somebody that you're not.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought that was powerful.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I guess you take the same thing to messages, I mean to let handwriting notes.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: You speak in your voice.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: Don't try to be pretending that you're somebody you're not.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then I've got another question for you.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: I thought this was a good one that came in.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_01: This um listener wants to know, um, oh, here it is.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: Whether they're still with us or whether they're not.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: Is there a letter you wish you could write today to someone, either in your past or today?
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: That is a great question.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I've been asked a lot of questions and I've never been asked that.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_02: And that is a fabulous question.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I I think I would, I would, I would write my father probably just because he missed both my books and he missed like the wild ride I've been on.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_02: He passed away during the Facebook letter project.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I and I think I would write him um because I think I'd want to update him on everything that's happened, you know, since he passed away.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_02: And the other person I would would want to write is I wish I could write Parker a letter.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, you could, you could still write it, but yeah, onto it, I guess.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_02: But just introduce myself.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I but I did write Dana Parker at the beginning.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_02: But I mean, just to write a letter now, now that his people are my people.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_02: But that would be one for sure.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: I absolutely love that.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so before I let you go, I want I want you to encourage everyone who's listening to do just one thing today to build a kind of a heartfelt connection.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: What would that be?
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: What would you suggest?
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I would I would suggest for me, it's gonna be back to writing somebody a handwritten note, even if it's on a sticky note.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I would, I would, I would say, you know, just just take the leap and just write something down in a card or a sticky note, stick it on someone's mirror, stick it on their car, you know, or sit down and write, get a little note card out and write somebody three sentences, you know, somebody you care about, somebody who you just have one thing to say to that you wanted to say to them for a while, but you just haven't been able to do it.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: Because I think we all have that somewhere inside of us.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: You do.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, I love that.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Amy, thank you so much for not only sharing your story, but your heart and your wisdom with us today, because you know, we all can do a better job in connecting.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I know you've inspired me.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I just want all of our listeners today just take a moment to slow down and sit with what Amy has said because it is so powerful and and also take her advice and connect with someone in a very meaningful way, like she said, whether it's a letter, it could even be a phone call or a sticky note, whatever.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: It does matter.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you all for tuning in to my sexy menopause body.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, please don't forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: And by the way, if you want to connect with Amy, we'll have it all listed below.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Amy, for being with us today.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I want you to give Dana a big hug for us since you're actually with her today.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_02: I will.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'll I'll go out the door after this and I'll I'll give her a big hug from everybody.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Amy, thank you.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: Is there, um, do you have any of the books coming up or anything like last message that you could say to our followers so they can get into if there's a better way to get in touch with you?
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: I've got your, you know, your Instagram and your Facebook.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: But is there any well if you go to my website, amidaughters.com, I have a physical mailing address on there.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_02: So if you want your first note, you could just write it to me and I will 100% write you back.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know what?
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna do that, even though I know you already, I'm gonna do that myself.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll make sure I post that below too, Amy.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh well.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's been an absolute pleasure.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for being here with us on MySexy Menopause Body.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, this is your journey, your chance to own your body, mind, and spirit.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: And define sexy on your terms.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: If today's episode resonated with you, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with others.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: Let's keep building this conversation and this community together.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, take care of yourself and keep showing up.