Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Build a Feedback Culture
Transcript
- Lucas: So you’ve been a manager for maybe six weeks now. You’ve run your first one-on-ones, you’ve delegated a few things, and now you’re staring at the calendar wondering when to schedule that first real feedback conversation. And you’re nervous. Luna: Yeah, because it feels high stakes. Especially if you’re managing former peers. Lucas: Right. So today I want to talk about something that I think is actually more important than any single feedback conversation: building a feedback culture on your team. The kind where feedback becomes routine, not a big deal. Luna: Which is easier said than done. Most teams don’t have that at all. Lucas: Exactly. And there’s a reason. A 2024 LinkedIn survey found that only 34 percent of new managers felt prepared to give feedback. So the majority of people stepping into management are doing it without a playbook for this. Luna: Thirty-four percent? That’s honestly lower than I would have guessed. Lucas: It’s striking. And it means most new managers either avoid feedback or deliver it poorly — which then makes the team resistant to it. So the culture never forms. Luna: So how do you break that cycle? Where do you start? Lucas: I think there’s a model that’s instructive — even if you wouldn’t replicate it exactly. Bridgewater Associates, the hedge fund, is famous for its culture of radical transparency. Every meeting is recorded, everyone rates everyone else on an app, and feedback is constant and brutal. Luna: Brutal is the word. I’ve read that it works for some people but burns out a lot of others. Lucas: Right. And that’s the key — you don’t want Bridgewater’s culture. But you can borrow the idea of making feedback frequent and low-stakes. So the first thing I’d recommend is something called a feedback warm-up. Luna: A warm-up? Like before a meeting? Lucas: Exactly. In your first team meeting as a new manager, spend five minutes doing a very simple exercise. Ask everyone to share one thing they appreciate about a colleague’s work from the past week and one thing that could be done differently. Make it about the work, not the person. Luna: And you model it first, right? You go first as the manager. Lucas: That’s the critical part. You set the norm. You say something like, 'I really appreciated how Luna caught that formatting error in the deck before we sent it. And one thing I think we could do differently is flag those earlier in the process so we’re not scrambling.' Then you pass it to someone else. Luna: That feels much less scary than a formal performance review. It’s just a habit. Lucas: That’s the goal. Do that in every team meeting for the first month. By week three, people stop cringing when you say the word feedback. Luna: And then you can start layering in written feedback? Like a weekly 'continue, stop, start' template? Lucas: Yes — that’s a great next step. Have each team member send you a quick email or Slack message every Friday with one thing the team should continue doing, one thing to stop, and one thing to start. You compile them anonymously and share highlights on Monday. Luna: Anonymous is smart. Reduces the fear of retaliation. Lucas: Exactly. And it gives you data on what’s actually bothering people. I’ve seen teams discover that everyone hates the same status meeting format — but nobody had ever said it out loud. The template gives them a safe way to surface it. Luna: So now you’ve got a team that’s used to exchanging feedback regularly. But what about the one-on-one? How do you make that a feedback conversation without it feeling like an ambush? Lucas: I think the trick is to frame it as a two-way street. In your first one-on-one with each direct report, say explicitly: 'I’m going to give you feedback, and I want you to give me feedback too. We’re going to practice this together.' Then ask for feedback on something small. Luna: Like what? Something you actually want to improve? Lucas: Yeah. Maybe you know you tend to interrupt. So you say, 'I’ve noticed I sometimes cut people off. If I do that in our meetings, please call me on it.' That models vulnerability and shows that feedback isn’t a power play. Luna: That’s huge. Because if the manager asks for feedback and receives it well, it signals that it’s safe for everyone else. Lucas: And you have to actually follow through. If someone gives you feedback and you get defensive or don’t change, you’ve destroyed the culture you’re trying to build. Luna: So consistency matters as much as the initial setup. Lucas: Totally. And that’s why I think the first 90 days are the golden window. You have permission to establish norms because you’re new. People expect you to change things. Luna: Right. If you wait a year, habits have already formed and it’s much harder to introduce feedback routines. Lucas: Exactly. So start the warm-ups in week one, introduce the written template by week four, and by week eight you should be having natural two-way feedback exchanges in your one-on-ones. Luna: And if you screw up? Like you give feedback in a way that lands badly? Lucas: Own it. Apologize. Say, 'That came out wrong. Let me try again.' That actually strengthens the culture because it shows that feedback itself is a skill you’re all learning together. Luna: I really like that. It’s almost like you’re coaching the team on how to coach each other. Lucas: That’s exactly what it is. And if you build that foundation, you’ll find that difficult conversations later — like performance issues — are much less charged because feedback is already normal. Luna: Before we wrap, I want to circle back to something you said about modeling vulnerability. Because that’s the part that I think many new managers struggle with — they feel like they have to appear perfect. Lucas: Yeah, and that instinct is understandable. But it backfires. If you never ask for feedback, your team assumes you think you’re infallible. That kills trust. Luna: So the best thing you can do is just ask. And if we’ve helped you think through that, or any other career move, you can support the show at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It’s what keeps this conversation ad-free. Lucas: Yeah, we really appreciate that. So back to the feedback culture — once you have those routines in place, what do you do when someone on the team still resists? They just won’t participate? Luna: That’s a good question. Do you address it publicly or privately? Lucas: Privately, always. Have a one-on-one and say, 'I’ve noticed you’re quiet during our feedback warm-ups. Is there something about the process that doesn’t work for you?' Maybe they prefer written feedback. Maybe they need more time to think. Adapt the process for that person without abandoning it. Luna: So you’re flexible but you don’t let it drop entirely. Lucas: Right. Because if one person opts out, it signals to the rest that feedback is optional — and then the culture doesn’t stick. Consistency is key. Luna: Alright, so to sum up: start early, model vulnerability, use warm-ups and templates, and make it two-way. Those are the building blocks. Lucas: Exactly. And if you do that in your first 90 days, you’ll have a team that gives feedback naturally — and that’s one of the best things a new manager can achieve.