Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Boundaries That Build You: A Conversation with Briana Bowley

Transcript

Boundaries That Build You: A Conversation with Briana Bowley · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:00
  You know, so this is still, it's very new.
• 0:02
  It's a very new conversation. So, you know, it's one of them
• 0:06
  things of as women, if if we don't fully understand ourselves
• 0:09
  yet, how can we expect men to? So I understand why there's this
• 0:13
  lack of understanding. Yeah.
• 0:16
  I mean, for me it has been this journey of really having to
• 0:21
  build I, I call it like building the muscle of being able to
• 0:25
  advocate for myself. Being able to set a boundary and
• 0:28
  name what I need and have it picked apart by someone else or
• 0:32
  misunderstood by someone else or categorized as avoidance or
• 0:37
  laziness or just not being willing to get out of my comfort
• 0:40
  zone or too sensitive or what up.
• 0:43
  Whatever other kind of like ways people have interpreted it.
• 0:47
  Having that experience and being able to just hold myself in it
• 0:52
  and it's, you know, and, and I'll be really honest that
• 0:54
  there's been a lot of times that I've gone home and cried because
• 0:56
  I felt so misunderstood. I felt so, you know, ganged up
• 1:00
  on or, or, you know, whatever it may be.
• 1:03
  But the reality is that I'm doing these sports and I'm in
• 1:09
  this business for me. Podcast audience, so excited to
• 1:13
  be here with you today. I'm your host, Melissa Crook.
• 1:16
  I've got a new friend here with me and you're going to you've at
• 1:20
  this point in time, I'm guessing you will have probably heard
• 1:22
  from her on some panels by the time this episode drops in the
• 1:27
  fall, but this is the first time of her being on the podcast
• 1:31
  side. I met her through our good
• 1:33
  friends at Podmatch. I'm excited to have Brianna
• 1:35
  Boley here with us here today. She's joining me from Australia,
• 1:39
  so we did a little bit of time zone gymnastics to figure out a
• 1:43
  time that worked for both her and I.
• 1:45
  So I'm super thankful that she was willing to work with me on
• 1:49
  that. She describes herself as
• 1:51
  innovative, driven and inspired. Brianna Bully, Welcome to the
• 1:56
  Field podcast. Thanks so much for having me on.
• 2:01
  Oh, I'm so happy to have you here.
• 2:02
  You're going to have so much to say because your work feeds into
• 2:07
  every single one of our talking points in some way.
• 2:10
  But I also want us to get to know you, the person in your
• 2:13
  story, so our listeners can really see the alignment between
• 2:17
  that and the resources you offer, which as our listeners
• 2:20
  know, we're going to give Brianna a chance to share that
• 2:23
  at the end. It's going to be on our website,
• 2:26
  also@embracinglayers.com, on that resources page.
• 2:29
  But let's start with talk to me about your journey with
• 2:33
  prioritizing self-care in your life and what that's looks like
• 2:37
  for you. Yeah, well, I mean to to share a
• 2:41
  little bit about how I got started on this journey.
• 2:43
  You know, I, I come from competitive bodybuilding and
• 2:47
  also increasingly competitive mixed martial arts, jiu jitsu.
• 2:53
  And, you know, whether you're aware of the industry or not,
• 2:57
  they're very male dominated industries.
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  And so, you know, I, I think as, as a female in these sports,
• 3:05
  it's, it's almost like, you know, there's this underlying
• 3:09
  expectation that, you know, they behave like men.
• 3:13
  They fit into the, you know, this role of, of just getting on
• 3:17
  with it, putting a head down, getting on with the disregarding
• 3:20
  how we feel, disregarding the fact that as women, we have
• 3:23
  these, you know, shifting and changing cycles and that we're,
• 3:27
  we're not just small men, you know, we're, we're women, we're
• 3:30
  different. We have different biology
• 3:32
  differently. And so, you know, I think for
• 3:36
  me, this journey really started because I, I, I tried to do it
• 3:41
  the way I was told to do it. You know, I, I tried to fit that
• 3:44
  box. And as a result, I struggled
• 3:47
  with eating disorders and I struggled with, you know, health
• 3:50
  issues and I struggled with consistently feeling burnt out
• 3:55
  and exhausted. And, you know, coming out of my
• 3:57
  bodybuilding days, I was navigating a dream of fatigue.
• 4:00
  Like I couldn't get out of bed. Mind was saying, come on, let's
• 4:04
  go. But my body was like, no, like,
• 4:06
  we, we need more sleep. And to be honest, for a long
• 4:11
  time, I thought it was me. I thought that I was a problem.
• 4:13
  I thought that I was lazy or, you know, unwilling to do the
• 4:16
  work. And it wasn't actually until
• 4:18
  someone reflected back to me, like, free, you're the hardest
• 4:21
  worker I know. This isn't about laziness, about
• 4:25
  a lack of willpower. There's something else at play
• 4:27
  here. And so I started to just
• 4:31
  experiment a little bit with like, well, what if I actually
• 4:34
  listen, listen to that quiet whisper that's asking me to do
• 4:37
  it differently and see what happens.
• 4:41
  And my results flipped on their head.
• 4:44
  You know, like suddenly I was, I was still able to be involved in
• 4:47
  these sports that I loved, but I was actually enjoying the
• 4:50
  process and I was thriving in the process.
• 4:52
  And I was feeling good in the process rather than always
• 4:55
  feeling like I was just hanging on by a thread.
• 4:58
  And so I now have the pleasure of working with athletes and
• 5:01
  entrepreneurs in similar realms, similar industries in supporting
• 5:07
  them to, you know, stay connected to their needs and
• 5:11
  reach that, you know, pinnacle of high performance, but without
• 5:14
  having to self abandoned. Yeah, that's self abandonment
• 5:19
  piece. And you said so many things that
• 5:21
  got my attention that we're not just, you know, smaller versions
• 5:25
  of men. We we operate differently but
• 5:28
  still thrive. And you're starting to see the
• 5:30
  conversations happening more and more in at women's sports.
• 5:34
  I grew up an athlete. I have three daughters.
• 5:37
  They grew up as athletes. My husband was an athlete.
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  It was so interesting to watch the dynamic when you would run
• 5:43
  into coaches that knew how to connect with girls and women
• 5:48
  versus ones that didn't. And with the ones that didn't.
• 5:51
  It was a freaking disaster in terms of their emotional and
• 5:56
  mental health in dealing with that.
• 5:58
  I mean, it was just, we operate differently, but not in a bad
• 6:03
  way, just a different way. So meeting our so we don't have
• 6:07
  to, you know, it just happens a lot in the workplace too, where
• 6:10
  we've spent generations thinking we got to show up and operate
• 6:14
  like a man because there's so many biases and narratives
• 6:18
  around the difference between the men and women.
• 6:21
  And I think we're finally starting to figure out, no, no,
• 6:23
  no, we bring something different and authentic to the workplace
• 6:28
  that it needs, to the world that it needs, to the athletic fields
• 6:32
  and pitches and stadiums and gyms that it needs.
• 6:38
  And so you, but I'm so glad you brought that up because we're
• 6:41
  still figuring it out. I mean, there are still, you
• 6:44
  know, the representation piece and making sure women are being
• 6:48
  seen, known and heard both as athletes and as and getting the
• 6:51
  opportunities as coaches. And then also, like I said, in
• 6:55
  the corporate backgrounds is still evolving and moving.
• 6:58
  But this is just another example of you likely, wait a minute,
• 7:02
  this script that I got about what's supposed to work for me
• 7:05
  to be successful and competitive and hardworking and all those
• 7:11
  things that doesn't apply to me. I'm going to start paying
• 7:14
  attention to my cues, trust my body and there's no pain, no
• 7:19
  gain when I'm feeling terrible about the journey that this.
• 7:25
  If this isn't fun, why am I doing this?
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  You know why you know why am I abandoning myself to show up
• 7:30
  this way? It's clearly not working for me
• 7:33
  and I, I sometimes wonder how many women and girls would stay
• 7:38
  engaged with these different athletic ventures if someone was
• 7:43
  there to tell them. You don't have to show up that
• 7:45
  way. Listen to your buddy show up as
• 7:47
  you decide what this should look like for you, what's fun for
• 7:50
  you, what's enjoyable for you. So thank you so much for
• 7:52
  bringing attention to that and, and being a resource now for
• 7:57
  that, which I think goes nicely into confidently setting
• 8:01
  boundaries. You realize there were some
• 8:03
  things I'm like, these are some ways I'm not going to operate
• 8:06
  anymore. These are some things I've
• 8:09
  learned about myself and how I'm going to move forward.
• 8:11
  So talk to me about that piece of the journey.
• 8:14
  Yeah, well, I mean, I, I won't lie, it's been one of the
• 8:18
  hardest parts of the journey. You know, I think that again, as
• 8:22
  women, we're it's as you said, we're still figuring it out.
• 8:25
  And as women, you know, if we're still trying to understand
• 8:29
  ourselves and learn ourselves and, you know, a lot of research
• 8:32
  around how women operate, it's only been the last, you know, 20
• 8:35
  years, if that, you know. So this is still, it's very new.
• 8:40
  It's a very new conversation. So, you know, it's one of them
• 8:43
  things of as women, if if we don't fully understand ourselves
• 8:47
  yet, how can we expect men to? So I understand why there's this
• 8:51
  lack of understanding. Yeah.
• 8:53
  I mean, for me it has been this journey of really having to
• 8:59
  build. I call it like building the
• 9:01
  muscle of being able to advocate for myself.
• 9:04
  Being able to set up laundry and name what I need and have it
• 9:08
  picked apart by someone else or misunderstood by someone else or
• 9:12
  categorized as avoidance or laziness or just not being
• 9:16
  willing to get out of my comfort zone or too sensitive or what,
• 9:20
  whatever other kind of like ways people have interpreted it.
• 9:25
  Having that experience and being able to just hold myself in it.
• 9:29
  And it's, you know, and, and I'll be really honest that
• 9:32
  there's been a lot of times that I've gone home and cried because
• 9:34
  I felt so misunderstood. I felt so, you know, ganged up
• 9:38
  on or or, you know, whatever it may be, But the reality is that
• 9:44
  I'm doing these sports and I'm in this business for me and that
• 9:50
  I, you know, again, I can't self abandoned and you know, have
• 9:55
  that then become this thing that I don't enjoy because that just
• 9:57
  that defeats the whole purpose. I think it's really a practice
• 10:02
  in holding the discomfort. You know, it's like, like I
• 10:07
  said, it's like building the muscle we get in the gym and we
• 10:09
  don't expect ourselves to get in there and lift the heavyweights
• 10:11
  from day one. We have to, you know, start with
• 10:14
  the heavyweight build up. And so that's the practice.
• 10:18
  It's start with something small in those small moments when you
• 10:22
  know something's occurred that doesn't quite sit right.
• 10:25
  Or when you notice that you're, you know, you're, you're a
• 10:28
  little bit tense because of a situation that might be going on
• 10:31
  or you know, something just isn't fully it for you.
• 10:35
  And just practicing saying something, you know, saying, you
• 10:39
  know, or, you know, speaking up. But hey, what if we try doing it
• 10:44
  this way and being OK with it not feeling completely OK?
• 10:51
  And we, you know, we go from the 5K weights up to, you know,
• 10:55
  lifting hundreds. So yeah, it's just building the
• 10:58
  muscle, just chipping away at, you know, and taking the
• 11:01
  opportunity. Like even for me, I told a funny
• 11:04
  this this story the other day on my Instagram story that I went
• 11:09
  and got my eyebrows done. I promise this is relevant.
• 11:12
  I went and got my eyebrows done and the lady, I didn't do them
• 11:16
  how I'd liked. And immediately, you know, I
• 11:19
  looked in the mirror and was like, I don't like them.
• 11:22
  And it's the first time this lady's ever not done a good job.
• 11:25
  And I mean, and I walked away and I, I slept with her and and,
• 11:30
  you know, it was like, I don't want to, you know, go and create
• 11:34
  conflict and make her uncomfortable and have her feel
• 11:37
  bad and everything. But I'm feeling bad.
• 11:40
  You know, we had this choice in the moment of do I go back and
• 11:44
  have this kind of external conflict, if we want to call it
• 11:47
  that, with this woman? Or do I not say something and
• 11:52
  sit with this internal conflict with myself for an extended
• 11:56
  period of time? Yeah.
• 11:59
  And so, you know, I, I actually saw it as this is an opportunity
• 12:03
  for me to practice. This is an opportunity for me to
• 12:06
  lean into the discomfort of asking for what I need, of
• 12:09
  setting boundaries, of having clear, direct communication that
• 12:14
  sets us up for everyone to win rather than for one person to
• 12:18
  win and one person to lose. And so I went and had the
• 12:20
  conversation, and it was extremely uncomfortable.
• 12:24
  And she received it so beautifully.
• 12:26
  And she actually thanked me after she said thank you so much
• 12:29
  for giving me the opportunity to do a good job for you.
• 12:34
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 12:35
  It's really the muscle. I love that example for so many
• 12:41
  reasons because I can totally relate to it and so many times
• 12:45
  didn't go back and have the conversation and then stewed on
• 12:48
  it. And, and you know, I think
• 12:50
  that's a classic example of your pain for service and people
• 12:53
  can't improve and change or adjust or, or have an
• 12:58
  opportunity to honor your boundary or need if you don't
• 13:02
  communicate it to that. I mean, and so it's it's a win
• 13:05
  win if we, if you can be direct and kind, all these things are
• 13:09
  possible. So thank you so much for that
• 13:11
  example. You said something else that I
• 13:13
  think we need to come back to because this is a stigma that is
• 13:17
  still being unpacked, A narrative that needs to be
• 13:20
  addressed and that's laziness and too sensitive.
• 13:24
  Those are such bullshit narratives that come up and
• 13:32
  they're really a cop out for people that aren't just really
• 13:35
  willing to listen and understand and adapt and change.
• 13:39
  They just want to live in one space and one line and not do
• 13:42
  the work to meet you where you are.
• 13:45
  I wish the word laziness would either go away or we would just
• 13:49
  redefine it in a way because it you hear it so much.
• 13:53
  And I mean, you see so much time right now of just going year
• 13:57
  round all the time with all these different sports and
• 13:59
  activities and our bodies need rest.
• 14:02
  And when our bodies are screaming at us, it means it's
• 14:05
  time to rest. It's it's not time to push
• 14:08
  through. If there was a time for that
• 14:10
  when you're getting fit and, and, and challenging yourself,
• 14:14
  but there's a time when your body just needs a rest when it's
• 14:17
  breaking down, when it's not going to be able to perform.
• 14:21
  And so many times that gets wrongly defined as laziness.
• 14:28
  And then the sensitivity piece, I'm like, if this is impacting
• 14:31
  me in a way that is harmful to me, I will not abandon myself
• 14:36
  because you're unwilling to to adjust or adapt or or respect
• 14:44
  how this is impacting me. Talk to me a little bit more
• 14:48
  about both of, because you're shaking your head here.
• 14:50
  I know you know what I'm talking about.
• 14:51
  Talk a little bit more about that.
• 14:54
  Yeah. Well, it's so funny because you
• 14:57
  know, like, I, I mean, I grew up the only female amongst like a,
• 15:01
  you know, a lot of time around my dad, I have an older brother,
• 15:05
  all of my cousin, most of my cousins are, you know, males.
• 15:09
  And so I think there is kind of this I, I got brought up with
• 15:14
  this dynamic of like being lazy is the worst thing you can be.
• 15:18
  And it's actually only been as an adult, you know, it's a very
• 15:21
  hardworking kind of kind of narrative.
• 15:25
  And so as an adult, you know, and I have had the situation
• 15:29
  where I've been called lazy because I've chose to sit out of
• 15:31
  a. Dynamic where I felt unsafe.
• 15:33
  And I'll be honest, when it was said to me, it really got under
• 15:38
  my skin. And and part of that was because
• 15:42
  it wasn't laziness, it was that I was just not willing to self
• 15:46
  abandoned. There's that word again.
• 15:48
  But when I sat with it, I was like, why does, why does being
• 15:51
  called lazy actually upset me so much?
• 15:54
  Like, why did that update so much?
• 15:56
  And when I actually took a step back and got really logical
• 16:00
  about it, it, it was like he just took the charge away.
• 16:05
  Like is, is laziness really the worst thing I could do?
• 16:08
  Like really, is this like an act of laziness?
• 16:12
  Is that really so terrible? You know, and as you said,
• 16:15
  there's, there's times where we need to rest.
• 16:18
  Yeah. There's times when, you know, it
• 16:21
  doesn't make sense to push, push through and it's not efficient
• 16:24
  or effective to push through. So why would we?
• 16:28
  And so, you know, when I kind of sat with Adam was like, oh, like
• 16:32
  I, I can own that. I have a lot of times where I am
• 16:35
  lazy. I have moments where I
• 16:38
  intentionally choose laziness because that's what makes sense
• 16:41
  for me to get the result that I'm looking for.
• 16:44
  And so, you know, the really beautiful thing in that is when
• 16:48
  you own it, it has nothing over you.
• 16:51
  That has been something I've had to practice.
• 16:54
  And this, you know, the, your true sensitive piece, that's
• 16:57
  become something that, and again, there was a time where
• 17:00
  being too sensitive was like, you know, like how, how, how
• 17:04
  could you? And it's actually come to be the
• 17:07
  thing that I, I, I identify as being my superpower.
• 17:11
  Yeah. When I am deeply sensitive, I
• 17:13
  love that I'm deeply attuned. I love that I notice nuance and
• 17:19
  choose to like, acknowledge and honor nuance where most people
• 17:23
  would just pull those through. And so, you know, it's now when
• 17:28
  I'm pulled lazy or when I'm pulled sensitive, I actually
• 17:31
  celebrate it nowadays because what I hear is not all of the
• 17:35
  negative connotations that are associated with that.
• 17:37
  And it's so crazy to me that there are negatives.
• 17:40
  So, you know, connotations supported.
• 17:42
  But what I hear is like, thank you.
• 17:45
  You're, you're, you're noticing how connected to nuance I am.
• 17:49
  You're noticing that I'm choosing efficiency over just,
• 17:54
  you know, doing for the sake of proving or doing because someone
• 17:58
  else told me that I need to do it.
• 18:00
  Yeah. I love that.
• 18:02
  Thank you so much. And the next time, ladies, you
• 18:05
  hear the word lazy. The only thing at time I like
• 18:08
  hearing is think of lazy hazy days of summer.
• 18:10
  That was a saying you used to hear a lot when I was a kid.
• 18:13
  And it's those long summer days where you're on the floaty on
• 18:17
  the lake by the ocean, taking it on, resting your body, taking a
• 18:22
  taking a breath. So just have that visual in your
• 18:25
  head and never apologize for it. And in that sensitivity piece,
• 18:29
  this goes nicely into taking care of of our emotional health,
• 18:33
  physical health, mental health, spiritual health, all the pieces
• 18:38
  of our health. I love that you acknowledge the
• 18:42
  fact that your sensitivity is a superpower because that people
• 18:46
  that have that ability to tap in and process and move through and
• 18:53
  feel are less likely to stop things, are less likely to let
• 18:58
  things build up, are less likely to try to operate out of 1's
• 19:02
  siloed emotion rather than acknowledging the nuance, like
• 19:06
  you already said, that nuance that exist.
• 19:08
  And I, you know, I rely on the sensitive people in my life to
• 19:14
  give me feedback because they will pick up on things that I
• 19:18
  might miss. Now I'm, I think as I'm getting
• 19:20
  older, I'm acknowledging that I'm actually more sensitive than
• 19:23
  I ever gave credit to myself for being.
• 19:26
  But the, it was pressed down and out of me for so many years
• 19:30
  because it was seen as not having a thick enough skin or
• 19:33
  not, you know, you know, not have, you know, not being able
• 19:36
  to just put up with things and keep, you know, keep plowing
• 19:40
  through. And it actually ended up really
• 19:42
  costing me and, and had an impact on, you know, a health
• 19:46
  scare that I had, you know, in when I turned 50.
• 19:49
  And I, it took me tapping into all those places and spaces that
• 19:54
  when you allow the sensitivity and the feelings to flow through
• 19:58
  you, you're actually in touch with those things.
• 20:01
  You're aware of those things, you're picking up on those
• 20:03
  things and you're not letting them go unnoticed, go and not
• 20:07
  unacknowledged. And it's a balancing act because
• 20:10
  that can also lead you to being also the one that when you pick.
• 20:14
  Up on everything that's going on in our room, making sure you're
• 20:16
  not carrying everything that's going on in the room and being
• 20:20
  able to, you know, decipher the difference between that.
• 20:24
  This is really also too, I feel like when your nervous system
• 20:27
  work really comes into play here, especially so.
• 20:32
  So with all of that, talk to me about your journey with that
• 20:37
  connection and recognizing between our emotional, mental,
• 20:40
  physical health. Yeah, Well, I love that you
• 20:44
  mentioned that. You know, as you're getting
• 20:46
  older, you're, you're noticing how, you know, you have been
• 20:50
  sensitive, but you've pushed it down because I think there's
• 20:52
  something really key in that. You know, through all of my work
• 20:55
  with the nervous system, what I've come to notice is how when
• 20:58
  we feel something, whether we outwardly acknowledge it or not,
• 21:03
  whether we honor it or not, it's still there.
• 21:06
  The need is still there. The desire is still there.
• 21:10
  And when we don't honor it or we don't acknowledge it, it gets
• 21:15
  stuffed down. And when we don't give these
• 21:18
  things an outlet, they fester. They've got nowhere to go.
• 21:22
  And so they just, you know, they, they, they remain stuck in
• 21:25
  the body. And over time, you know, when,
• 21:27
  when this our system is kind of consistently abandoned or
• 21:33
  there's trauma there, we eventually become numb, you
• 21:37
  know, and, and we shut down it. It's not we're consistently
• 21:41
  affirming that our needs are met and so we'll just numb out to
• 21:44
  them and that's when we have things like sickness starts to
• 21:48
  come up. I had the same situation where,
• 21:50
  you know, a dream fatigue I started suffering from, you
• 21:53
  know, a lot of like I had precancerous cervical cells, you
• 21:58
  know, all these kind of health scare and it was like my body
• 22:02
  asking me to pay attention. And so, you know, This is why
• 22:06
  it's so mind boggling and baffling to me that athletes in
• 22:10
  particular where they rely on their physical body to perform
• 22:14
  well, would override their needs because it just doesn't make
• 22:19
  sense to me. It's like you're you're setting
• 22:21
  yourself up. It may not be right now in this
• 22:23
  moment, but long term, you're setting yourself up to, you
• 22:27
  know, essentially destruct the, the vessel you need to to be at
• 22:32
  peak performance. And so, you know, the beautiful
• 22:35
  thing in all of this is that when we can honor sensitivity,
• 22:43
  we set ourselves up for a peak performance.
• 22:45
  We're setting ourselves up to to not be, you know, this vessel
• 22:49
  that's carrying around this heavyweight of all our past
• 22:53
  unmet needs. You know why I, I often refer to
• 22:56
  it as like it's you become the Clear Channel.
• 22:58
  You're a clear vessel. Things just now flow through you
• 23:03
  and out of you because you know, you're not, you're not like a
• 23:07
  block pipe, you're not a pipe with all this buildup and, and
• 23:10
  whatever else you're, you're a Clear Channel.
• 23:14
  And so you not only do you express yourself clearly, and I
• 23:18
  mean that in terms of both, both verbally, but in terms of, you
• 23:22
  know, your, you know, your physical manifestation, your,
• 23:27
  how you perform all of it, but also in terms of how you
• 23:30
  perceive things, how you receive information.
• 23:33
  You're not kind of what's the word overlaying the information
• 23:39
  you're getting with past stories.
• 23:44
  And so you know, all that to say, I think your, your
• 23:48
  emotional, your physical, your mental well-being, your
• 23:51
  spiritual well-being, all of it is so interconnected.
• 23:54
  And if you think that you can compartmentalize, I think this
• 23:57
  is a thing that I see a lot with athletes in particular.
• 24:00
  There's this compartmentalization of like,
• 24:02
  well, I'll eat well and I'll get my protein in, but then I'll
• 24:07
  completely override my emotional needs.
• 24:10
  You know what I mean? Different, you know nothing.
• 24:13
  Is allowed everything. Touches everything if we're self
• 24:16
  abandoning in one arena, it's going to impact every other
• 24:19
  arena. And so, you know, it's really, I
• 24:23
  always say the small creates the big.
• 24:25
  And so it is the small stuff. It's the, you know, each moment
• 24:29
  where you choose to speak up despite discomfort, each moment
• 24:33
  when you choose to sit out of something that has you feel
• 24:36
  uncomfortable or you choose to, you know, ask for what you need
• 24:40
  or or whatever the thing may be. Each micro environment is
• 24:44
  setting you up for this kind of like what's the word?
• 24:48
  I'm looking for this ripple effect of being able to show up
• 24:51
  at your best. Such a great breakdown of that.
• 24:55
  Thank you so much for all of that.
• 24:57
  That was so good. And and it leads nicely into how
• 25:01
  we can support ourselves and other women in living
• 25:04
  unapologetically. This is really, you've learned
• 25:08
  these things through your own experiences and this is really
• 25:11
  now how you not only show up for yourself, but you're also with
• 25:15
  the resources you're offering, how you're helping and
• 25:18
  supporting them in your work really has.
• 25:22
  This is just a part of what you do.
• 25:24
  Now. Talk to me about that journey of
• 25:26
  realizing, wait a minute. Not only have I figured out how
• 25:30
  to help myself here, I think I can help other women too.
• 25:34
  Yeah, yeah. Well, I think the, the key in
• 25:37
  really being a stand for for other women being able to honor
• 25:41
  themselves is to go first like it does with, you know, with
• 25:46
  shared. It requires courage.
• 25:48
  It requires, you know, a willingness to kind of stand at
• 25:52
  the frontline and and take some arrows.
• 25:55
  So I think it's, we get to serve as a Commission piece when we go
• 26:00
  first other women and and I'll, and I'll be the first to say
• 26:03
  that it's not always received well by others.
• 26:06
  You know, I think there's sometimes when we're shining, it
• 26:10
  does, it shows other people where they're still in the
• 26:12
  darkness. But when we can keep holding
• 26:16
  that unapologetically, it, it is, it's a permission piece.
• 26:21
  And I think the other really important thing to note here is
• 26:24
  that, you know, again, there's that word nuance.
• 26:29
  What, what looks, you know, for example, what looks to me like
• 26:35
  me honoring my needs may be very different for you.
• 26:38
  You know, I think that it creates this space where we get
• 26:42
  to honor that everyone's journey looks different, you know, and
• 26:49
  instead of seeing it as as an attack or seeing it as, you
• 26:53
  know, like they're doing it the wrong way and my way is the
• 26:55
  right way, like getting curious and asking questions.
• 26:59
  I've certainly had, you know, moments through my journey where
• 27:03
  I felt attacked by women for not doing it the way that they think
• 27:06
  that I need to do it. And when we've actually got into
• 27:11
  a conversation, it's like, oh, we're actually both striving for
• 27:17
  the same end goal here. Like we've, we've both got the
• 27:19
  same desires, the same outcomes that we're reaching for.
• 27:24
  We both want women to feel like they have a place in these
• 27:28
  industries. And you know, that we, yeah, we
• 27:31
  get to have our needs met. It's just we're just going,
• 27:33
  going about them in slightly different ways.
• 27:35
  So I think recognizing that there's room for everyone and,
• 27:43
  you know, there's no wrong way. There's no wrong way but being
• 27:46
  willing to get curious and have the conversation.
• 27:49
  Yeah, that communication piece, listening to each other's
• 27:53
  stories and realizing different people are going to connect with
• 27:57
  different messaging and approaches.
• 27:59
  So there is, it's, is it's that communication, not making
• 28:03
  assumptions, being clear and kind.
• 28:05
  But also really there's space for all of us because everybody,
• 28:08
  people are going to, you know, connect with you in a way that
• 28:11
  they wouldn't connect with me and vice versa.
• 28:13
  So we're all necessary. Yeah, absolutely.
• 28:18
  So good. All right.
• 28:20
  Talk to me about really what it's been like for you to really
• 28:24
  identify your why and your values and how that's impacted
• 28:28
  how you're proceeding today with this work and outside of your
• 28:32
  work, just on how you're living your life.
• 28:34
  Yeah. Oh, I don't even know where to
• 28:38
  start with this one because it's a it's a big one.
• 28:40
  I think when you when you're clear on what you're here for
• 28:46
  and what your values are, it's like everything becomes.
• 28:51
  I was actually thinking about this yesterday.
• 28:53
  I've just completed like a three day long road trip.
• 28:56
  Oh, wow. Yeah.
• 28:58
  From one side of the country to the other.
• 29:00
  And I was thinking about it as I was driving along.
• 29:02
  Like to most people, this would seem crazy.
• 29:05
  You know, to most people it would be like, why?
• 29:09
  But for me, it's so deeply aligned with what I'm here for
• 29:13
  and what I advocate for and like.
• 29:17
  I love it. I love every aspect of my life
• 29:20
  has been very intentionally set up to to be done my way in the
• 29:27
  way that has. Me.
• 29:28
  Feel inspired in the way that has me feel motivated.
• 29:33
  I don't love the word motivated, but I think that when we're when
• 29:36
  we're moving from what's true for us, we become this like
• 29:39
  freight train with this unstoppable force where we just
• 29:43
  field momentum and things kind of like, you know, we have all
• 29:47
  these incredible synchronicities and things just kind of like
• 29:50
  click into place. And so, you know, it's one of
• 29:53
  the main things that I touch on whenever I work with clients,
• 29:56
  like getting really clear on their unique life and what they
• 30:01
  value most, because when we can identify that it makes decision
• 30:06
  making really easy. It makes, you know, like we're
• 30:09
  no longer conflicted between like, do I do it this way?
• 30:12
  Yeah, we we can sort of use that end goal or that purpose or that
• 30:18
  why as our our North Star, our guiding light.
• 30:23
  And so it dissipates a lot of that internal chatter that keeps
• 30:28
  us stuck, that keeps us looping. And I just, you know, even down
• 30:33
  to like, and it, it sounds so silly, but even down to things
• 30:36
  like your energy levels. And I was thinking, this is
• 30:41
  another one that I was thinking about on my drive.
• 30:43
  But things like taxes, you know, like the things that you can
• 30:46
  write, it sounds so silly. But the things that you can when
• 30:49
  when you're living a life that's in alignment with your, your why
• 30:54
  and your values and your business or your career starts
• 30:57
  to become, you know, in alignment with that vision.
• 31:02
  It's like the things that you would happily pay to do
• 31:05
  naturally. And you know, like, yeah, you
• 31:10
  can start to write them off with tax.
• 31:12
  And so it just, it all becomes streamlined.
• 31:15
  It all just becomes so effortless and streamlined and a
• 31:21
  lot more efficient would be the way that I remember.
• 31:25
  Yeah, it's yeah. I love that, that more
• 31:29
  efficient, less noise because you're not having to spend time
• 31:32
  figuring it out. You know you've got the North
• 31:35
  Star, you've got the clarity and that really helps you and goes
• 31:39
  nicely into our next talking point of living out of your own
• 31:42
  expectations. It also connects with setting
• 31:45
  healthy boundaries and priorities.
• 31:47
  I've seen your care yourself care because you know what your
• 31:50
  values in your wire. You have clarity so you're able
• 31:54
  to communicate all these other pieces.
• 31:56
  Talk to me about the the, the moment you really realize that
• 32:00
  was connecting and that you were starting to live from a place of
• 32:04
  I'm no longer living out of these expectations that I was
• 32:07
  told I needed to live out of. Coming into this, I've really
• 32:10
  moved into living out of my own and knowing what's healthiest
• 32:14
  and and best for me. Yeah.
• 32:16
  Well, you, you know, you mentioned the word there,
• 32:18
  expectations. And as I said earlier, like
• 32:23
  everyone has their own unique way of doing things based on
• 32:26
  their work, based on their values.
• 32:28
  And so the really beautiful thing is that when we're so
• 32:32
  clear on our why, when we're so clear on who we are and what
• 32:36
  we're here to do, that questioning that will inevitably
• 32:41
  come from other people. It doesn't have the same impact.
• 32:45
  It's kind of just like it's cladic background news, right?
• 32:49
  Because internally we know why we know why we're doing it.
• 32:53
  We know why we're moving in the way that we're moving.
• 32:56
  And it's not to say that people are going to understand it
• 32:59
  because they're on a different operating system, They're driven
• 33:02
  by a different 'cause, right? It means that when we do have
• 33:07
  people question or ridicule, ridicule or criticize or, you
• 33:11
  know, misinterpret or whatever, it it doesn't, it doesn't,
• 33:17
  doesn't hit us where it hurts, you know, right, Because we can
• 33:21
  see the bigger picture. We've had situations in my world
• 33:25
  where, you know, people have questioned me, like, why did you
• 33:28
  do it that way? That's not how I would have done
• 33:30
  it. And it is just a matter of, OK,
• 33:34
  well, you know, that makes sense.
• 33:35
  You would do it your way based on what you're trying to create.
• 33:39
  But this is my way based on my envision.
• 33:42
  And so, you know, it's it no longer we're not, I call it
• 33:47
  shooting all over yourself, shooting yourself.
• 33:51
  You're no longer, you know, like, oh, I should do it that
• 33:55
  way because that's how society tells me to do it.
• 33:57
  Or I should do it that way because that's how mom and dad
• 33:59
  tell me I should do it. Or, you know, my boss or, or my
• 34:02
  colleague or, you know, shoot is a good word.
• 34:07
  So when we're using the word shoot, it's usually that we're,
• 34:10
  we're not living by our truth. We're living by how we're told
• 34:14
  to do it, how authority figures or society is telling us to do
• 34:17
  it. When we're living by our why,
• 34:21
  when we're living by our values, we start using language like
• 34:24
  love to do it, get to do it, want to do it, looking forward
• 34:29
  to doing it, like excited to and so on.
• 34:33
  And so, you know, again, when we're, when we're connected to
• 34:35
  our why the expectations, they're just, they're just in
• 34:38
  the background because we know where we're going.
• 34:41
  Yeah, yeah, I love that. Should is a guilt.
• 34:44
  That's a good little thing to keep in the back of your mind if
• 34:48
  you start shooting yourself because you hit on something I
• 34:53
  want to go back to in that we start getting narratives when
• 34:56
  we're little girls about what we're supposed to do to be.
• 35:01
  We just aren't getting a lot of the shoulds of how we should
• 35:04
  show up in the world in order and the route we should take.
• 35:07
  And and at some point you're like, you're looking around.
• 35:10
  You're like, I've been listening to everybody else's version of
• 35:15
  how I'm supposed to be and this is not serving me.
• 35:18
  So it's time for me to step back and unpack and ask that very
• 35:23
  question. Is this coming from a guilt?
• 35:26
  Is this narrative even true? Is this or is just something
• 35:30
  that I need to unpack and unlearn and then relearn and
• 35:33
  listen to myself and trust and get to what my why my values
• 35:39
  are, what I care about, what I'm aligned with, what's healthiest
• 35:43
  for me. So I love that part that the and
• 35:46
  that's I really feel like to where you work really comes in
• 35:49
  you you work with those athletes and those women that are used to
• 35:53
  performing for approval and the way that everyone's told is and
• 35:58
  high achieving and hitting that next mark.
• 36:00
  And you have to stop in your tracks and be like, who am I
• 36:03
  doing this for? Am I doing this for myself?
• 36:06
  Because right now I'm feeling frazzled and tired and rattled.
• 36:09
  This doesn't feel like it's for me.
• 36:12
  And that's where that stopping and really taking the pause and
• 36:16
  looking at. And I feel like that's really
• 36:18
  where your work with people comes in.
• 36:20
  Yeah, absolutely. Definitely.
• 36:24
  Yeah, so good. All right.
• 36:26
  Talk to me about accepting the layered aspects of yourself, all
• 36:30
  the pieces and parts of your story, the make up, who you are,
• 36:34
  the parts you love, the parts you don't.
• 36:36
  I, you know, that at some point, I feel like we have to get to a
• 36:39
  point of being able to acknowledge.
• 36:43
  We don't have to love that acknowledge and give room in
• 36:46
  space for. So we're not going back to that
• 36:48
  sensitivity piece we were talking about earlier, not
• 36:51
  stepping and shooting and, and shaming and, you know, but
• 36:56
  getting curious rather than judgmental.
• 36:59
  So talk to me about your layers journey.
• 37:02
  Yeah, well, you know, I think I'm such a deep believer that,
• 37:09
  like, everything happens for a reason.
• 37:11
  You know, I think that nothing ever happens to us.
• 37:14
  It happens for us. It happens to us as us.
• 37:18
  And so, you know, like I and I know that this is a
• 37:21
  controversial tape. I know that sometimes, you know,
• 37:24
  it, it can be hard to hear. And I've never come across a
• 37:28
  single situation in my life or, or in the work that I've done
• 37:31
  with clients where things haven't been a setup for our
• 37:39
  wife, for our vision. I do believe that everything is
• 37:43
  leading us to where we're meant to go.
• 37:46
  And that includes the good and the bad.
• 37:49
  It includes the ugly. It includes all of it.
• 37:51
  And, you know, and so I think the really beautiful thing that
• 37:57
  we get to play in is acknowledging where the parts of
• 38:01
  ourselves that we've got stories about, you know, around not
• 38:05
  being enough or being wrong or being, you know, whatever it may
• 38:09
  be. When if we zoom out far enough,
• 38:13
  we can actually see where those traits and characteristics are
• 38:18
  the perfect setup for what we're here to create, for what's
• 38:23
  meaningful to us, for the work that we're committed to doing in
• 38:26
  the world. And, you know, it doesn't always
• 38:29
  mean that it's, it's easy to be with those parts of ourselves.
• 38:32
  You know, it's not, as you said, it doesn't mean you have to love
• 38:34
  them, but I think it's to really objectively see the value in
• 38:40
  them. You know, there's so many.
• 38:43
  I've, I've been reflecting a lot in my own world of late.
• 38:47
  Just, you know, different, different phases of my life and
• 38:50
  different versions of me that I've been.
• 38:52
  And as I get further and further along my journey and, you know,
• 38:56
  I'm getting older, it's, it's seeing like, oh, that makes
• 39:00
  sense now. I couldn't see it at the time.
• 39:03
  I couldn't see it at the time because, you know, I was so in
• 39:06
  it. But as something's going on and,
• 39:08
  and, you know, time has allowed kind of distance and perspective
• 39:12
  and experience. It's like, that makes so much
• 39:15
  sense now. That makes sense where I had to
• 39:17
  go through that or I had to meet that like ugly part of myself
• 39:22
  because it was setting me up for what I'm wanting to create.
• 39:26
  It's setting me up for what I've been calling in.
• 39:28
  And I couldn't be here now without that.
• 39:33
  And so, you know, I think really the key is to to as best you
• 39:38
  can, zoom out and see both sides of the coin because it's always
• 39:43
  there. Like there's always two sides to
• 39:45
  every story. There's always, you know, the,
• 39:47
  the light and the dark to anything and everything.
• 39:51
  So, you know, again, as women, we're told who we should be
• 39:57
  consistently. And I think when we when we see
• 40:01
  one side of ourselves as bad, we're, we're missing the goal.
• 40:06
  We're missing all the places where that bad side of us or
• 40:10
  that ad characteristic or that less than or whatever it may be,
• 40:14
  we're missing all of the value in that.
• 40:18
  And I think that's. Yeah, I love that.
• 40:22
  That's such a great way to describe that.
• 40:24
  Thank you so much. I feel love that perspective.
• 40:26
  That's so good. You've done this work and you
• 40:29
  continue to do this work. I mean, it's a journey.
• 40:32
  We're continually unpacking and learning, relearning as we go
• 40:35
  through different seasons and we stay curious and and more
• 40:38
  unfolds in front of us. But talk to me about the power
• 40:42
  of what I call feel, finding empowerment, embracing layers,
• 40:46
  which you've done. Talk to me about the impact that
• 40:49
  has had on your relationship with yourself as well as your
• 40:53
  relationship with other people. Yes, I love that question.
• 40:59
  The impact is exponential. Like it's it's hard to actually
• 41:03
  convey it in words. I think the, the, the key thing
• 41:07
  that stands out for me is truth. You know, we're consistently
• 41:12
  trying to be, we think we need to be either, you know, in
• 41:17
  relationship to ourselves or relationship to others.
• 41:23
  We can never fully be in the here and there because we're,
• 41:27
  we're, we're telling these, you know, unintentional white lies.
• 41:31
  We're not showing up in truth, we're not showing up in
• 41:33
  alignment. We're always just slightly off
• 41:35
  course. Whereas when when we can really
• 41:39
  embrace who we are and as you said, embrace those layers,
• 41:46
  what's here is what's real, how we are in relationship, how we
• 41:51
  communicate with others, even when it looks a little bit
• 41:54
  messy, it's true. And so, you know, I think that
• 41:59
  that that has this exponential ripple effect on every area of
• 42:04
  your life because you're no longer trying to maintain a lie.
• 42:08
  You know, if if lie and then it's kind of spiralled out of
• 42:12
  control. And you've got to remember the
• 42:14
  lie and you've got to remember who you told what to.
• 42:17
  And it becomes really complicated and it becomes
• 42:20
  really exhausting. And eventually it feels like
• 42:23
  you're trapped. Yeah.
• 42:26
  And so sometimes, you know, even amidst the discomfort, the best
• 42:29
  thing is just to tell the truth. And so it's that piece when
• 42:33
  we're living true to ourselves, we're, we're not exhausted.
• 42:37
  We can be at our best because we don't have to remember all the
• 42:42
  different, you know, aspects. We get to just be here.
• 42:47
  Yeah, we're not giving our energy away to maintain this
• 42:50
  facade. It's not honoring to us.
• 42:53
  Yeah, absolutely. So good.
• 42:54
  And that impacts how we show up in everything, you know, in in
• 42:58
  our in all of our relationships and all of our spaces.
• 43:01
  Yes. So good.
• 43:02
  Thank you so much for that. All right, talk to me as we wind
• 43:07
  down here, 5 activities that nourish you.
• 43:10
  Oh. Activities that nourish me, I
• 43:15
  would say going out for brunch with friends.
• 43:20
  I love yeah, I love socializing and I love I'm.
• 43:23
  I'm a real a bit of a foodie. So yeah, I would say martial
• 43:29
  arts that really supports me in finding my grit and my power and
• 43:34
  my efficiency. I love working with my clients.
• 43:40
  That that's it. There's a specific moment when
• 43:44
  something clicks for clients that just, it just nourishes me.
• 43:50
  It's just, it just likes nothing in me.
• 43:54
  Having birds. I love having birds and I see
• 43:59
  traveling, seeing the world, seeing different cultures.
• 44:04
  Is that fluid? Yeah, it is.
• 44:06
  I love them travel. I love that too.
• 44:09
  It's one of my values actually. And I was identified that a few
• 44:13
  years ago because for years I was like, felt that felt like a,
• 44:17
  a value that was like wasn't enough.
• 44:21
  I don't know. And, and my, and one of my
• 44:23
  daughter's was like, I'm just honored that because it's, it's
• 44:26
  yes, you love seeing the new places, but it's so it's so much
• 44:29
  more about how it feeds your soul, what you've learned from
• 44:32
  it, what you take back with you that impacts how you live your
• 44:35
  life. And when she framed it that way,
• 44:37
  it was like, you're right, All right, travels.
• 44:39
  One of my values. I'm same with that.
• 44:42
  All right, 5 words on how you want to feel the next six
• 44:45
  months. OK, Thank you.
• 44:51
  Embodied 3. Aligned and purposeful.
• 45:02
  I love those. So good.
• 45:03
  All right, I love the free part. Oh, that's good.
• 45:06
  OK, Tell people, Brianna how they can find you, follow you,
• 45:10
  work with you. You've got this great thing.
• 45:12
  I love the name of the Bully Blueprint.
• 45:14
  I mean, you've got some really great resources.
• 45:17
  So talk to people a little bit. And all of this will be on our
• 45:20
  website at embracinglayers.com on the resources page, But give
• 45:23
  our listeners a little bit of information on that.
• 45:26
  Yeah, absolutely. So I'm across all social media
• 45:30
  platforms. Just search my name and it'll
• 45:32
  come up. If they specifically want to
• 45:34
  check out the BOLI blueprint and they can do so by looking up the
• 45:37
  BOLI blueprint on Instagram. I have a entire training library
• 45:42
  full of free resources and all sorts of things, which is in my
• 45:46
  bio there on Instagram, both Instagram and Facebook.
• 45:50
  And what I will say is like I'm a real person back here.
• 45:52
  So I love hearing from you. If you're taking something from
• 45:56
  this conversation, feel so free to drop into my DMS and let me
• 46:00
  know, strike up a conversation. It's, it's always nice to know
• 46:04
  what people are taking away from these things.
• 46:06
  So. Yeah, great.
• 46:09
  Yeah, it really is. It's like I tell people I'm
• 46:11
  like, let us know so we know what's hitting, what's not or
• 46:15
  what you'd like to hear from us. I love that so much.
• 46:17
  So good. Any last thoughts you'd like to
• 46:19
  leave with our listeners today? I would like to encourage the
• 46:28
  listeners to have the courage to go out and see.
• 46:31
  I think all too often we have these stories of like, why we
• 46:34
  can't or why we have to bite our tongue or hold back.
• 46:37
  And you know, if we always do what we've always done, we
• 46:41
  always get what we've always got.
• 46:42
  And so just have the courage to question your own assumptions
• 46:48
  because that will open up well, that you would have never
• 46:51
  expected. Yeah.
• 46:53
  Oh, that's so good, Listeners, I have nothing to add to that.
• 46:56
  Take that with you. That is so good, Brianna.
• 46:59
  Thanks so much for being with me.
• 47:01
  I've loved this conversation. I appreciate so much.
• 47:04
  How you show? Up in the world, the work you do
• 47:06
  for women, the way you continue to learn and evolve and grow
• 47:10
  yourself. I love your journey.
• 47:12
  I think it's so important. And these resources again
• 47:15
  embracinglayers.com on that resources paid.
• 47:18
  But thanks so much for being with me.
• 47:21
  Thank you, It's been a pleasure. Absolutely.
• 47:24
  All right, listeners, you've been given the charge.
• 47:27
  So, so take that run with that, take good care of yourselves,
• 47:31
  and we will see you next time here on the Field podcast.
• 47:35
  Hello and thank you so much for being with us today on this
• 47:39
  episode of the Feel podcast. If you would like more
• 47:43
  information on how you can apply these talking points that I
• 47:47
  share with our guests in each episode to your own life, really
• 47:52
  utilize this Feel framework, go to embracinglayers.com, fill out
• 47:57
  our contact form, and let's set up a free 30 minute consultation
• 48:03
  to talk about how you can start being your most authentic,
• 48:07
  organic, healthy feel fueled life.
• 48:11
  Thanks again for being with us today.
• 48:13
  We'll be back to you soon with another episode here on the Feel
• 48:16
  Podcast.