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Want Better Sex? Start Putting Your Fantasies on Paper · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for July 23, 2026 Want better sex? Start putting your fantasies on paper.
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  What if you could improve your sex life from the privacy of your home,
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  spending less than an hour a week?
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  A recent study suggests you can. There's a link in the show notes.
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  A group of 30 heterosexual individuals were asked to write out a sexual fantasy
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  at least twice a week for four weeks.
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  A controlled group wrote about having a meal with friends.
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  At the end of four weeks, those who had done the fantasies had some big improvements in their sexuality.
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  They had a significant increase in sexual desire, an increase in sexual pleasure,
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  and fewer cognitive distractions during sex, especially less worrying about performance.
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  They had an increase in positive feelings about sex and a decrease in negative
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  feelings. The fantasy group also experienced an increase in partner connectedness.
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  None of this is surprising. Sex is mostly in our heads, and writing out a fantasy
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  changes how we think about sex.
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  If you want to give this a try, keep it private at first. If you want to share
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  what you wrote later, that's fine.
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  But worrying about what your spouse might think will interfere with the process.
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  Do write, be it longhand or typed into a device. Other studies have shown what
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  we commit to paper or screen is more powerful than what we think about.
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  Obviously, you write about sex between you and your spouse. Exploring something
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  you have never done but think about is fine, but writing only about things your
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  spouse doesn't want to do is a bad plan.
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  Eventually, sharing some of your fantasies could be a good thing for your sex
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  life, if doing so feels comfortable and safe.
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  It will teach your spouse how you see sex and what you long for sexually It
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  could be a way to start a discussion about something new you want to try Ensuring
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  a fantasy could be good foreplay This is Paul and fantasies can help you do sex well.