Latest / The Daily Sarcast / March 16th, 2026: Passport Photos, The Oscars And A Michael B Jordan Look Alike Contest

Transcript

March 16th, 2026: Passport Photos, The Oscars And A Michael B Jordan Look Alike Contest · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  Today's episode is sponsored by the new Girl Scout cookie flavors.
• 0:04
  The toffee flavor may be better than Thin Mints, if that's even possible.
• 0:08
  I didn't know that was a thing. A tie. The director of one of the winners of
• 0:13
  The Singers, which won for Best Live Action Short.
• 0:17
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and
• 0:20
  maybe a laugh. I'm Lindsay Bernick and it's March 16th, 2026.
• 0:25
  Happy very windy Monday. if you
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  didn't tune into the ds on friday i highly recommend i
• 0:32
  was really sick so i wasn't able to record a
• 0:35
  new podcast so i just did a rerun of my chipmunk episode and i go into full
• 0:41
  detail about me going to london to be on a reality dating show as a chipmunk
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  so i highly recommend spending the 30 minutes out of your day to listen to it
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  i promise you won't regret it and if you do please let me know.
• 0:54
  In real news, we're starting off today with passport photos.
• 0:58
  So why do passport photos always have to look like mugshots?
• 1:01
  Well, it turns out it's not the post office lighting.
• 1:05
  Okay, it actually is the post office lighting, but mostly it's because smiling
• 1:08
  is basically illegal in these photos. Like, sort of.
• 1:12
  Technically, the State Department can't ban smiling. Like, you can do a little
• 1:16
  Tyra Banks smize, but you're not allowed to show teeth.
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  And you're also not allowed to frown either.
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  This is because of facial recognition software. It measures your eyes, your nose, your mouth.
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  If you move one thing with a smile, the computer is like, oh,
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  this is not the same person.
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  And it's not just the states that has this rule. Most countries do this.
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  In France, even the corners of your mouth can't even lift.
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  And if you do submit a smiling photo, they'll reject it and make you resubmit.
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  Kids are the only ones who get a pass because expecting a toddler to maintain
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  a neutral expression is basically cruel, but the U.S. government has also done way worse to kids.
• 1:56
  Fun fact, my mom took me to get my passport photo taken when I was in my early 20s.
• 2:00
  After I got my photo, I showed it to her, and her response was,
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  This is horrible. You might be going on your honeymoon with this photo.
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  To which I replied, Mom, this guy already married me. I don't think he's going
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  to change his mind after seeing my passport photo on the way to the honeymoon.
• 2:18
  You think that would end the argument right there? Nope. We spent the next 10
• 2:22
  minutes debating whether I should retake it for a honeymoon with a boyfriend
• 2:26
  who would someday be my husband, who I still don't even have.
• 2:30
  Last week, a 41-year-old U.S. citizen born in Lebanon attacked temporal Israel
• 2:35
  in West Bloomfield, Michigan.
• 2:37
  His method was driving his truck into the building.
• 2:40
  During the chaos, he exchanged gunfire with two security guards and then killed
• 2:44
  himself as his truck caught on fire.
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  One of the guards was wounded, and everyone at the temple preschool was safe.
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  Yesterday, Israel just announced that the attacker's brother was a Hezbollah
• 2:54
  commander, and he was recently killed in an airstrike in Lebanon.
• 2:59
  Meanwhile, over in Amsterdam, an Orthodox Jewish school was hit with a deliberate overnight explosion.
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  There was no injuries, thank God, but the external wall was damaged.
• 3:09
  Police are reviewing security footage of a suspect who apparently fled on a
• 3:13
  scooter after planting the explosives.
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  This attack follows a series of anti-Semitic incidents in Rotterdam and Liege over the same week.
• 3:21
  The mayor called it a cowardly act of aggression, and yet security at Jewish
• 3:24
  institutions has already been ramped up all over the world.
• 3:28
  So spring is officially here, which means that some people think that they are
• 3:31
  suddenly wildlife heroes.
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  Every year, people see a baby deer, rabbit, or fledgling songbird all by itself
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  and think, oh no, it's abandoned.
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  So they swoop in to rescue it. But sometimes that actually makes things way worse for the baby.
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  Take the baby deer. The mom leaves her fawn alone for hours.
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  This is normal. She's not abandoning it. She's protecting it.
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  Adult deer have scent predators can track. Babies don't.
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  Mom comes back at dawn and dusk and all is well.
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  But the humans will see the fawn, take it home, feed it cow's milk,
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  and within hours it could be in critical condition.
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  One fawn, after being rescued, has a seizure and died in the arms of a wildlife
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  rehabilitator. So much for heroics.
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  It's not just deer. Rabbits, songbirds, even ducks. Any baby animal whose mom
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  leaves it for a while is at risk.
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  Stress, wrong food, dehydration, and human contact can kill them all really fast.
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  Some animals even imprint on humans, which sound cute until you realize they
• 4:30
  may never learn to be wild again.
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  Or, in other cases, like my parents' dog, never learned to be a dog again.
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  Licensed wildlife rehabbers say the best thing to do if you see a baby animal
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  all by itself in the wild is to literally do nothing.
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  Unless the animal is clearly injured, just leave it alone.
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  If it's in danger, move it like 20 feet off the road and let nature do its thing.
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  And if it's truly injured, call Licensed Wildlife Rehabber because your backyard
• 4:56
  is not going to do it for them.
• 4:59
  In Lindsay life, last night I was at an Oscar watch party and there was a Michael B.
• 5:04
  Jordan lookalike contest. I won.
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  I was also the only person who entered. Thing of the week this week is the Oscars.
• 5:13
  The Oscars are going to make up about 35% of all conversations this week,
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  so if you went to bed early or just didn't care enough to watch a four-hour
• 5:22
  award show about movies that you probably didn't see, don't worry, I'll fill you in.
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  It was the first time since 2013 there were two winners in a category,
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  and only the seventh time in Oscar history for best live action short.
• 5:37
  The quote from the beginning of this pod was from one of the winners for one
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  of the shorts, and he was just as shocked as the rest of us.
• 5:46
  Michael B. Jordan beat Timothee Chalamet for Best Actor. That was probably everybody's favorite upset.
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  Meanwhile, Sean Penn won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor and wasn't even
• 5:59
  there because he's in Ukraine for whatever reason that nobody knows.
• 6:04
  Kieran Culkin was definitely bitter about it. Did anyone else see that episode
• 6:08
  of Friends when Joey takes home the award because he was pissed that the actress
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  wasn't even grateful to have won?
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  I see that maybe happening here.
• 6:17
  Maybe somebody should keep an eye on Kieran Culkin. And the In Memoriam segment
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  was really rough this year.
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  There was a huge tribute to Rob Reiner and his wife, Michelle.
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  There was also another big tribute to G'day and Keaton.
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  There's Catherine O'Hara in there. Barbara Streisand sang, which is how you
• 6:36
  know they really wanted everyone to cry.
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  Jessie Buckley won Best Actress for Hamnet, becoming the first Irish performer to win that category.
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  And Autumn Duran-Archipaugh became the first woman ever to win for Best Cinematography.
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  Conan O'Brien hosted and made Epstein jokes, jokes about Chalamet and the opera and AI.
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  And of course, Golden from K-pop Demon Hunters won Best Song,
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  and they also won for Best Animated Feature.
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  K-pop demon hunters could also win the
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  award for most unwatched movie that everyone says they're
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  going to see but never really do cooking tip
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  of the day it's best to cook the food you bought instead
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  of ordering out feedback comments questions
• 7:17
  a nice jewish by looking for a date email me at lindsay
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  at the daily starcast.com thanks so much for listening and
• 7:23
  i'll talk to you guys tomorrow oh and i always forget to say this but if you
• 7:26
  are enjoying this podcast please send this to one person that you know or send
• 7:31
  it to like eight people anyone that you know that is in need of a laugh right
• 7:35
  now given everything that's going on in the world these days and just general
• 7:39
  life that would be greatly appreciated thanks so much.