Latest / Rise & Realign: Conversations for the Sensitive Soul / Ep 30 | When Peace Is Not Quiet: Boundaries, Fresh Air, and the Sensitive Woman's Voice

Transcript

Ep 30 | When Peace Is Not Quiet: Boundaries, Fresh Air, and the Sensitive Woman's Voice · Rise & Realign: Conversations for the Sensitive Soul

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Welcome to Rise and Realign, conversations for
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the sensitive soul. I'm Melissa, and this space
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is for those of us who feel deeply, love fiercely,
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and sense the world in ways that are hard to
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explain, but impossible to ignore. Here, we honor
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your sensitivity as a strength, not something
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to fix. Through reflections, realignment and
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soul -led stories, we remember how to move through
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life in a way that feels true to who we really
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are. This is your space to rise, to realign and
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to come home again and again to your own wise,
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sensitive and authentic self. So last week, I
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ended up recording two episodes, because I just
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felt like after episode 28, there was more to
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share about that topic. Episode 28 was when the
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spiral speaks. And I just talked about, you know,
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my own Gemini nature, you know, and just dropping
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you know the masks or the hats you know because
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I used to feel like you know okay when I wear
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this hat I'm a holistic psychotherapist and when
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I wear this hat I get to be my truly authentic
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and whole self which includes my soul you know
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my spirit nature um and I didn't need to you
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know exclude that part so I feel like it's really
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a privilege and an honor to be able to just be
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who we really are, you know, and not need to
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close off parts of ourselves to fit anywhere.
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And then episode 29 was beyond the chemical imbalance,
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where I really spoke more about, you know, the
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science of your body's metabolic wisdom. I covered
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a lot of different things, especially for highly
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sensitive individuals, you know, understanding
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that anxiety and depression type symptoms are
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communication from our body that, you know, there's
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an interruption in our, in our flow and there's
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an imbalance. But it's not chemical in the way
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that medications, you know, pharmaceuticals approach
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it. And so, yeah, it's just, You know, I find
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life is just so amazing as we start to understand
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our own true nature, right? And each of us are,
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again, our own unique beings. You know, we're
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really these complex, uh, gosh. There's just
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so much complexity, right? And even more so,
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I see, you know, in those of us who are in that
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minority of highly sensitive individuals. And,
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you know, I speak about, you know, the spiral,
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you know, because once we start, you know, rising
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in our awareness of who we are and, you know,
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what thoughts are and what emotions are and what
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consciousness is and, you know, all of that,
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you know, we're able to see more and more patterns.
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We're able to see that circle that, you know,
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again, that spiral that has us revisiting old
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patterns, you know, old parts of our story in
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a sense. And I've certainly been living it myself
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these past couple days really clearly, you know,
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how peace has been such a grounding for me. And
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I have this peace pendant on. It's made out of
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glass and it's something that in either the end
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of 2009 or the beginning of 2010 when My family
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and I were visiting in Hawaii. I just was very
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drawn to it and I wear this necklace more than
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I wear any other necklace and I don't really
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wear any jewelry anymore. I used to be somebody
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who loved yellow gold and diamonds and you know.
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I would have them in my earrings and my rings
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and my bracelet on my watch. But after my spiritual
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awakening, those things started to be less important.
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And actually, you know, they were things that
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I was surprisingly easily letting go of. But
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this peace necklace, which again, it's made of
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glass and it has you know indigo blue and turquoise
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blue and some black kind of painting on it um
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i've just been every day you know not every single
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day but way more days than not choosing it i
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have some other necklaces that i exchange you
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know a necklace that my son bought me with you
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know a heart and it's engraved and a necklace
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that my daughter gave me that is like the earth
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and the moon and you know really beautiful and
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then you know a beaded necklace that my youngest
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son made for me um and I also have an arc crystal
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which you know is one to help with um charging
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you know that um the liquid crystalline matrix
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within me as far as water. But again, I always
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found it interesting that this necklace was what
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just always was the go -to. And I started exploring,
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you know, how peace has really been my grounding
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force. for at least 16 years since I've been
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wearing this necklace but even more since my
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spiritual awakening in 2008 and you know I'm
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seeing how this has been about remembering you
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know and how I've been connected to different
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you know morning rituals or you know reconnecting
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with the Hopi people and you know, their ways
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of seeing life and communing with nature and
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how my own son's name means peace. And, you know,
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we don't necessarily notice these. They're kind
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of like breadcrumbs, right? And it's not like
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we're walking and picking them up, you know,
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one in front of the other and we can see what's
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actually happening, right? But when something
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inspires us and there's space to be with it you
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know we can start to recognize like oh wow you
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know like I remembered that moment you know uh
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however many years ago 14 or 15 years ago when
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I just felt peace you know when I discovered
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in my 40s that I was pregnant again and I never
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thought that that would happen um because I had
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very traumatic you know pregnancies and deliveries
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and postpartum periods but it was a very different
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journey and it has been right and then you know
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I talked like I said in episode 29 about things
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like cigarette smoke and right medications and
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my own journey of you know believing that my
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thyroid wasn't you know functioning properly
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and it was attacking you know, you know, that
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my body was attacking it, and I needed to take
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medication and, and I got off of that, right.
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And so I'm just sharing, like, we're each living
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different experiences that are connected. But
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because it's not that linear type of journey,
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you know, where we just can easily connect the
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dots, you know, we don't always see. But the
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more we realign, right with our breath and our
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body and our own heart intelligence right or
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your higher self however you you know call it
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whatever resonates for you the easier it becomes
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for us to see how things unfold in the way that
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they're meant to for each of us and our unique
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journeys and What was coming up for me this morning
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is, well, last night I had some unexpected disruption
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in my, you know, household. And I was just like,
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okay, you know, we dealt with that. We, you know,
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needed to get certain things changed. And okay,
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fine, we did that. We're good. You know, go to
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sleep. And then I wake up and I go outside the
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way I, you know, greet. the day and do my morning
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rituals, as I call it, you know. And then as
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I'm breathing in, you know, deeply and really
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enjoying nature, I'm overcome with neighbor's
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cigarette smoke. And like, I can't shut that
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off. You know, ever since, well, if you've ever
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been pregnant, you know that your senses, you
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know, get heightened during that period. And
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I probably smoked when I was a teenager and,
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you know, haven't smoked since. But I had some
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kind of tolerance to be around other people who
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might have been smokers. But once I got pregnant
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in my 40s with my third born child, like, cigarette
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smoke was like, no, you know, don't want it near
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me, don't want to smell it, you know. And that's,
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again, being a highly sensitive person and going
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through the different stages of life that we
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go through. You know, some things are just like,
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no, you know, you have this clear boundary. And
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that's what my body was communicating this morning.
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It was like, no, I'm tired of this. I deserve
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to breathe fresh air. and someone else smoking
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this toxic carcinogen, you know, that's infiltrating
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into my fresh air, like, I'm not okay with this.
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And it's something that, you know, I had been
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dealing with in different ways, you know, going
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inside, you know, making sure my son came inside.
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And but this morning, that boundary for me was
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like, no, like, this needs to be addressed. And
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So I spoke to this neighbor, you know, about
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the cigarette smoke. And I listened to her experience
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and why she smoked and why she can't walk somewhere
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else and smoke. And, you know, and I just did,
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you know, what I had to do, which was speaking
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up for myself and my son while listening to her
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experience, you know. again that's what's so
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important to understand like as sensitive women
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especially many of us will not speak up for ourselves
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right like we might get angry we might get resentful
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we might you know you know consider things in
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our own thought processes like how come they
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can't see this or, you know, why aren't they
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more considerate, right? Because as highly sensitive
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individuals, we feel things, we sense things
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on many levels more deeply than others, which
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makes us really considerate very often for others'
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needs, right? And so we're often the ones who
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overcompensate in a sense for those who don't
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really consider how their actions may be affecting
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other people. And so I'm really sharing this
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because, as I said, I felt this grounding in,
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you know, peace and like, I want to be a peaceful
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person. You know, I want to come from love and
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light. I always want to speak with kindness,
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right? Like, I really care about others, the
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planet, right? And again, our relationship with
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ourselves, with each other, with nature. And
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I felt as though The boundary of my type of communication
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was not being respected because I had, you know,
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explored other ways of, again, letting people
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live their lives because one of my mottos is
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live and let live, right? But when I'm walking
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that path of live and let live, well, I'm living
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here on my... property, right? And wanting to
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connect with nature and feel, you know, that
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fresh air moving into my body as I do my deep
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breathing. And when someone else's choice is
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affecting me, my health, my livelihood, my enjoyment
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of what I like to do, and affecting my son, because
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secondhand smoke is serious business. It's not
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just the smoker, right, who gets affected by
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this. And what was interesting is, you know,
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we came up with a type of a compromise in a sense,
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where every time I came in my yard, you know,
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I could look over and greet. her so that she
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knew I was in my yard and I wanted fresh air.
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So I said, thank you. And I walked away. And
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then a neighbor across the street who was in
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her eighties and is going through, you know,
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her own, um, health, um, challenges, you know,
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started speaking to me. And, you know, I initially
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was like, I apologize if I was a little loud,
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right. Cause That wasn't my peaceful, calm, quiet
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voice. That was my, a boundary has been crossed.
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I need to speak with clarity, you know, that
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this is important to me. And this neighbor was
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like, I'm really sensitive to smoke too. And,
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you know, again, she's going through treatments
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for her own health condition. And so that toxic
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carcinogen. is absolutely unhealthy for her.
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So she and I spoke and, you know, we just talked
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about our own experiences as sensitive women,
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you know, and, you know, whether our parents
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used to smoke, you know, or not. And, you know,
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whether we were smokers, you know, just, again,
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talking about it. And, you know, it was just
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an opportunity for me. to be reminded right like
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i'm not choosing between the peaceful kind calm
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you know uh version of me and then the unkind
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or unpeaceful right like no i'm still grounded
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in peace and love and kindness But there are
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boundaries, right? That we need to be able to
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feel comfortable and confident speaking up for
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ourselves. And when something is intruding, on
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our well -being, right? Because if I didn't speak
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up for myself and my son, right, that smoke could
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be influencing and, you know, floating over into
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my neighbor's yard. She wants to be outside.
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You know, we all deserve to enjoy our own land
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as far as, you know, just our ability to be outside
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and wherever we are, right? And breathe fresh
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air. So this just is coming up as, you know,
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one of those things that I think as sensitive
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beings. You know, we do care deeply about others
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and we care about their experiences. And we can
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also harbor, you know, resentment and frustration.
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And believe me, I've definitely witnessed that,
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whether it's with clients that I've worked with
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or just people that I've met, you know, where,
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you know, male or female, they'll be talking
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about how somebody is so inconsiderate. You know,
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how do they not know this? How do they not see
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this? How do they not smell this, right? And
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this is what I really want to speak to as highly
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sensitive individuals. And again, this is the
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roughly 20 % of the population who have this
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sensory processing sensitivity trait. Remember,
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this is scientifically researched, right? I'm
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not talking about a personality trait, right?
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people need to change. This is something that
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is biological. We are wired this way. And so
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what's really important is to understand that
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even amongst all of our unique qualities, right,
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of all the people on the planet, roughly 80 %
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do not sense, feel, see, hear, right? Any of
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that as deeply as those of us who have this trait
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of high sensitivity. And again, I acknowledge
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that your sensitivity is intelligent design.
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As I'm acknowledging it for myself, I have this
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sensory intelligence. If you're listening, you
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have this sensory intelligence and it is there
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for a reason. And it's not for you to stay quiet
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and allow other people to disrespect you or you
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know, say negative comments about you because
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they don't understand you, right? Like you deserve
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to know that you're designed this way for a very
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specific reason. There are evolutionary reasons
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why this is in over a hundred species. And it
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is time for us to understand what it means to
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be highly sensitive. How, uh, Our bodies have
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been communicating with us our entire lives,
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but we've been misunderstanding them, misreading
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them, trusting others like professionals who
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don't know about it, understand it, or respect
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it, right? And it's time to wake up to the fact
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that your sensitivity is intelligent design.
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And you deserve to speak up when somebody crosses
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a line that is a negative influence or negative
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input or what I call in my essentials course,
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it is a poison, right? There are things that
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are... are considered a poison input into your
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sensitive system and there's things that are
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considered a medicine right and this is really
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really key to understand you deeply process because
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and i should say not because being more open
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means you're taking in more information more
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input from your environment and you're processing
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it more deeply and as we start to again, wake
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up to the messages of our body, right? I call
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it unraveling. Because when we've lived in chronic
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stress, which many of us don't even know that
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we've lived in chronic stress, you may have heard
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me say, you know, I used to view myself as a
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high strung person. Like I thought that was my
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personality. I thought that's how I was meant
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to be. I did not realize that being as sensitive
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as I am and was, That I just didn't have time
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to process the complexity of all the things that
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were getting inputted into my system. And until
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I started to slow the pace down, you know, and
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become more aware of my bodily sensations and
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communications and really cared enough to say,
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why? Why am I feeling this way? Where's this
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coming from? You know, and learned how to take
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care of myself in a way that really honored my
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sensitive nervous system, right? Honored the
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sensory intelligence that is here for not only
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my highest and greatest good, but for those around
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me, those in my life. You know, my youngest son,
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you know, And yesterday it was interesting. He
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was on a video game and somebody he was playing
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with said, hey, can I talk to your mom? And I
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was just like, why does he want to talk to me?
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And my son was like, he wanted you to know that
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you've raised a good son or something like that.
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I don't recall the exact wording. And I was just
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like, oh, well, that was sweet. Right. But again,
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like. It's because I care so deeply, I feel so
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deeply, and I want my son to know these things,
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right? Like, I want him to understand how he's
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influenced by those around him, his environment,
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and that his voice matters, right? And that it's
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important that he speak up. It's important that
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he pay attention to how he feels when he's interacting
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with other kids or, you know, whatever age the
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person is, you know? this is really me speaking
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from my heart and as i touch this peace pendant
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on my chest um you know you are sensitive for
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a reason it's not a flaw it's not a glitch it's
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not something to overcome It's something to really
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understand. And, you know, I call my work the
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realigned journey because, you know, there's
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no quick fix to this. You know, it's not like,
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oh, once we come across the information that
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we're highly sensitive, like that just changes
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everything and our life is on a new path. Like,
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no, it's a way to start. understanding and realigning
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with yourself and then noticing your own brilliance
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coming out more, right? Your own beauty, your
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own love and light, right? Like more bliss, like
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there's so much more for us to be experiencing,
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but we have to be at that point where we actually
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do care more about ourselves to honor ourselves.
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And it's not selfish in the sense of, you know,
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you disregard other people. Because as highly
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sensitive individuals, you know, that's hard
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when we do that. You know, when we're in a relationship
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with someone and we notice that it's not working
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for us. And I noticed this in different, you
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know, companies that I worked with. It's like,
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I cared so deeply that it was challenging for
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me to say, Do I really want to say goodbye at
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this point? Because this isn't for my highest
24:54
and greatest good when I care so much about this
24:57
person in this role that I'm supporting, right?
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So it's not an easy path, but it's absolutely
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one that is worth committing to. That's knowing
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yourself. It's understanding what makes you a
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little bit different. And that it is a gift,
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you know, that you have the sensory intelligence.
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But yes, you can be the most overwhelmed and
25:26
unaware person if you are not tending to your
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own needs. And again, your heart, that is always
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what I'm going to remind you to realign with,
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right? Your breath, your body, your heart. That's
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where our true essence emanates from. And that's
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where we want to be connecting with. And perhaps
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now is a great time to take a break and breathe
25:59
love. You know, I invite you to put one hand
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on your heart and just take a nice deep inhale
26:09
through your nose, long and slow. As deeply as
26:16
you can. And you can do a quick second inhale
26:19
before you exhale. And just make a sigh, make
26:23
an ah, or blow out a candle. It's really up to
26:26
you. You know best. But just let that out. Release
26:32
the tension, whatever you're carrying. So again,
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nice deep inhale through your nose. Second inhale.
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And then that nice exhale out your mouth. I'm
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a big fan of threes, so let's do another one.
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Inhale through your nose. Second inhale. Nice
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exhale. I just invite you to be connected with
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your own heart, with this moment, with whatever
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has been coming up for you. as you listen to
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what I'm sharing. As a highly sensitive individual,
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I'm sure you've had your own experiences that
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you can relate to from what I've shared. You
27:26
know, and I hope that you take this as permission
27:29
to be yourself, to be true to you, to really
27:33
honor what you need. Because the better you care
27:38
for yourself, the better. you are able to care
27:43
for your loved ones for your home for the nature
27:48
that you know whether you call it your yard your
27:51
property your neighborhood right wherever it
27:55
is that you enjoy being outside you know because
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remember our heart that is the first thing that
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is beating right within our embryonic development
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right i don't always know all the correct terminology
28:16
for things in different areas but i know because
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i've watched my own children develop you know
28:24
and just knowing that our hearts are so powerful
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right that's where our inner guidance comes from
28:32
our wisdom that's where our electromagnetic field
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is emanating outward And that's what's bringing
28:40
us into experiences with other people, right?
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Because of the resonance of our own frequency.
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So be true to you, you know? So if you're recognizing
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yourself as a sensitive woman, the entry pathway.
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for working with me is my essentials course called
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Your Sensitivity is Intelligent Design. And I
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created this science -informed course for sensitive
29:15
and strong women who are ready to understand
29:18
their sensitive system as intentional design,
29:23
not a flaw to fix. So in this course, you know,
29:28
you can learn how to rise in awareness of your
29:32
unique neuroanatomy and finely tuned nervous
29:36
system. how you take in more information and
29:41
how you process it more deeply, end up out of
29:44
patterns that don't serve you so that you can
29:48
realign with your authentic, wise, sensitive
29:52
self. And I've also included where you can create
29:58
your own personal realignment map. And then we
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walk together across the year in four seasonal
30:06
threshold gatherings of this sensitivity realignment
30:10
spiral. So you can check all of that out on my
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website, realignwithmelissa .com. And before
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we close, I invite you to return to your breath,
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to your body. to what feels true for you right
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now. There's nothing you need to fix. Just notice
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what's here. Where the heart leads, the body
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remembers, and the soul awakens. As a reminder,
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we are here together to rise, reclaim, remember.
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And as always, I'm so grateful you're here. So
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remember, you can find everything at realignwithmelissa
31:07
.com and take good care of you. Much love and
31:12
light.