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The Life That Belongs To You · Inside The Consulting Room - Understanding the Child Behind the Behaviour

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was going to do the final episode in the series on the three Rs and the recovery process.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I did the first two, and I thought, oh, to hell with it, so I wrote the book instead.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's humour of sorts.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: But it's true, I did.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: I have written the book instead.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to talk about it because it might help people gain a greater insight.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: And first of all, I want to mention the title, which is The Life That Belongs to You.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the subheading is The Three R's, and that's Recognition, Reckoning, and Recovery.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I was asked why I chose that title, The Life That Belongs to You, because it could sound incredibly smug, as if I have in some way developed a template that is right for you.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: But in truth, what's happened is I've created a model that helps you to get to a point of deciding what is the what is the right life that belongs to you.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I think what informs that is the notion that many people have been living lives that really don't belong to them.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: They've been prescribed by or have been orchestrated in some way by others.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: So what this book does is to give us a comprehensive understanding of how that happens, what it looks like, and how we move gradually through the individual stages that take us to a point of actually deciding for ourselves what's right.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's by no means an easy process, but having said that, it is hopeful, and it's hopeful because it takes us to a point of now being in much more control, being much more aware, being much healthier, and being a whole lot less burdened by some of the things that we've had to endure.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think the other thing that I need to make clear is that this isn't just about relationships with partners.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is about harmful relationships that happen across the board, some of which have their roots, many of which, in fact, have their roots in childhood.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know, harmful relationships can exist in families.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And the earliest experiences of how relationships work actually inform how we are in relationships subsequently, because as regular readers will know, and regular listeners will know, that's something I talk about a lot, how our relational patterns are unconsciously formed and don't just disappear and over time they become embedded.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: So the application of this is very wide.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think the other thing that I want to try and say in this book is that whoever it is that you have regarded and decided has been responsible for the harm that you've experienced, it is a complete, albeit understandable, but a completely futile wish that that person or those people will take responsibility, that they will say, Yes, I did that to you, yes, it was wrong.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Highly unlikely.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because if people were built that way, they wouldn't have done it in the first place.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's really important because what we have to do is keep ourselves clean emotionally, and we can't expect that others will have the honor and integrity to do the same thing.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: So the book is currently available on Amazon as a Kindle download, but it's also available to buy from my website, the children's consultancy.com.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Later in the week it's going to be available as a paperback for those of you thinking about early Christmas presents.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Shameless plug?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think so.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: But it will it's available.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I really do encourage you to take a look at the children's consultancy.com resources page where not only will you find the book for immediate download, you'll also find a description, an overview of the book.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: And for those who are regular listeners to podcasts, some of the things you will see within that will be familiar to you.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be giving an update on that shortly, but also on the forthcoming course called the Three Rs, which will be running in September for women and mothers.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening and take a look, and I'll be back soon.