Latest / Confident and Empowered Women / Nobody Is Coming To Give You Permission | EP 328

Transcript

Nobody Is Coming To Give You Permission | EP 328 · Confident and Empowered Women

• 0:04
  What are you waiting for permission to do?
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  To change your mind, to want something different, to stop doing what you've always done, to disappoint somebody, to choose yourself, or to make the move before everybody understands it?
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  Friend, nobody is coming to give you permission, and even if they did give it to you, you don't want it nohow.
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  There's no permission slip coming in the mail.
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  Nobody is gonna knock on your door and say, "Hey girl, just wanted to let you know everybody has discussed it and we're all comfortable with you making that decision.
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  That's right for your life."
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  And listen, sometimes we don't even realize we're waiting.
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  We call it thinking it through, being responsible, getting another perspective, praying about it some more, needing more information, or wanting to make sure everybody's okay.
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  And listen, sometimes you do need more information.
• 1:03
  Sometimes you do need wise counsel.
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  Sometimes you need to sit with something.
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  But sometimes you already know, and what you're actually waiting for is everybody else to agree with what you already know.
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  We're talking about what happens when you stop waiting for the cosign and start trusting yourself enough to make the decisions that belong to you.
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  Because if you're gonna lead your life well, eventually you're gonna have to get comfortable with making decisions that not everybody understands Hey, welcome back to the podcast, and if you're new here, I'm Letitia, we have honest conversations about
• 1:46
  coming back to yourself, trusting yourself, loving yourself, and eventually leading the life that's yours These are the kind of conversations you may not be having anywhere else, or the ones that make you sit back and think, "Woo, I
• 2:02
  needed that."
• 2:03
  Every single week we're building your confidence, self-love, and the life you truly want one brick at a time.
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  So if this sounds like your kind of place, hit that subscribe button because I'd love to continue walking alongside you.
• 2:19
  So now hit that subscribe button because I'd love to continue walking alongside you.
• 2:27
  Now let's get into it Hey, hey, hey friend.
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  We've been talking a lot about permission lately, and based on the responses I'm seeing, today's conversation, girl, we need it.
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  Because you can be grown, grown, accomplished, intelligent, successful, and have handled approximately 4,782 crises of everybody else this week alone, and still find yourself waiting for somebody to tell you it's okay to make the decision that you already
• 3:04
  know you need to make Something I learned very early on in my corporate leadership days Let me take you back to when I was applying for my very first supervisor position, and I made it to the second interview.
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  One of the concerns about me was whether I would be able to make decisions and stand on them.
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  I remember my director at the time teaching me something that has stuck with me ever since.
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  Essentially, she said, "Great leaders make decisions."
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  The outcome isn't always gonna be what you hoped for, and you aren't always going to know exactly how something is gonna turn out.
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  But you have to be willing to make the decision and then make the next decision as things unfold.
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  Now, let me be clear, okay?
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  She was not telling me to run through the office making up a bunch of reckless decisions Based on caffeine and good vibes.
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  The lesson was that leadership cannot constantly be frozen by uncertainty.
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  You can't stall forever.
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  You can't second-guess every move.
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  You can't require every possible piece of information before you're willing to choose.
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  So going into leadership, I knew something about myself was gonna have to change.
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  I needed to be able to analyze what was in front of me quickly, know my values so they could guide me, and I needed to use the best information available to me at the time, and then I needed
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  to stand on business.
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  and decision-making never became an issue for me throughout my career.
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  I learned how to make the best decision I could with the information I had, watch what happened, and course-correct quickly when I needed to.
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  And I didn't realize it at the time just how much that lesson would serve me in my life.
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  Because here's the thing about life You almost never have all the information.
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  You don't know exactly how that relationship will turn out.
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  You don't know whether the business will work.
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  You don't know if taking the job will really be better than staying where you are.
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  You don't know whether you're gonna regret saying yes or even if you're gonna regret saying no.
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  and sometimes every option on the table sucks.
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  Let's just be real about it.
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  Sometimes there are no good options.
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  There isn't always a shiny right answer sitting next to the obviously wrong one.
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  Sometimes there's nothing but bad option after bad option.
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  Also, this one's not great, and whatever the heck this is.
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  And it's just you trying to pick the one that's the least worst of them all Hello.
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  Welcome to adulthood.
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  Self-leadership isn't having some magical ability to know what the perfect decision is.
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  It's trusting yourself to make the decision you can with what you know, and trusting yourself to lead yourself through whatever comes next.
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  And this is where it gets sneaky, because there's absolutely nothing wrong with getting wise counsel.
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  Listen, there are people in my life whose wisdom I value tremendously.
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  and there are decisions that deserve research, decisions that affect other people and absolutely require consideration.
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  But I had to realize that there's a difference between I value your perspective and I need you to agree with me before I can move.
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  Those are not the same things.
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  And baby, I used to have a committee, okay, friend?
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  You know the committee, and if you've been around, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
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  You got a decision to make, and suddenly we're taking applications for the board of directors of your life.
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  Let me call this person.
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  Let me see what she thinks.
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  Let me run it by him.
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  Let me ask one more person, okay?
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  But she knows me really well, so let me see what she says And if you've ever said any of those things, remember friend, no shade, no shame, and no judgment, okay?
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  But now you've got six opinions, three hypothetical scenarios that you hadn't even considered, two new fears unlocked, and now you're more confused than when you started.
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  And listen, whole time I never really thought that I was looking for permission.
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  I just thought I was gathering information so I could make an informed decision, seeking wise counsel and leaning on the wisdom of those who've gone through it or done it before me.
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  And Yet at some point I had to realize the committee doesn't have to live the decision I do They can love me, they can want the absolute best for me, they can give me incredible wisdom, and they can
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  still see the situation through the lens of their experiences, their fears, their values, and what they would choose.
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  But ultimately, I had to live my life.
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  And I wanna spend a minute here because I don't want you to hear me saying, Forget everybody and do what you wanna do.
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  YOLO."
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  Friend, that is not self-leadership, okay?
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  That's reckless with a cute quote attached to it.
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  There are decisions we make that affect people we love, our spouse, our kids, our families, our business partners, our teams, people we've made commitments to.
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  Self-leadership does not mean pretending those people don't matter anymore, when actually it's quite the opposite.
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  Mature self-leadership considers impact.
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  You do have to ask questions like, who does this affect?
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  What commitments have I already made?
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  What are the consequences?
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  Is there something I'm not seeing?
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  What do my values say?
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  What information do I actually need?
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  Is there wisdom I should seek before deciding?
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  You can take all of that into consideration, and then you still have to decide.
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  Because considering someone else's needs does not automatically mean handling them authority over your life.
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  That distinction matters.
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  You can hear someone, love someone.
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  You can even understand why they feel the way that they do.
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  You can take their concerns seriously and still decide this is what's right for me.
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  They may not understand, and this is one of the hardest parts.
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  Friend, you don't need them to.
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  Would it be nice?
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  Absolutely.
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  Do we love a little unanimous support?
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  Of course we do But sometimes the people we love cannot understand a decision from where they are currently standing.
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  Maybe one day they will.
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  Maybe life will give them experiences that suddenly makes them say, "Oh, now I understand why she did that."
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  And maybe they won't, but understanding is not always a prerequisite for honoring what you know is right for you And one of the things I've come to value so much, I don't need every decision I've ever made to
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  have produced the outcome I really want, because some didn't.
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  I don't need to look back and say, "Yep, nailed it.
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  Every single one."
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  because what matters to me is being able to look back now and say, "Given who I was, what I knew, what I valued, and the information I had at the moment, I did my best."
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  I can stand beside that woman.
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  And friend, that's powerful, especially when you're facing one of those seasons where there isn't a choice that feels good.
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  Sometimes you're choosing between two painful realities.
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  Sometimes doing what's right still hurts somebody.
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  Sometimes protecting yourself disappoints someone you love.
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  Sometimes staying has a cost and leaving has a cost.
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  Sometimes saying yes costs you something, and even saying no costs you something.
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  And honestly, there isn't a decision without grief attached to it.
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  That doesn't automatically mean it's the wrong decision, and that is where self-leadership gets real.
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  Because now you're not asking which decision guarantees that nobody gets hurt, nobody gets disappointed, nothing goes wrong, and everyone understands me.
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  Girl, that option may not exist, okay?
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  Now you're asking, "What do I know right now?
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  What decision can I make that I can stand beside?"
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  That is very different posture, friend.
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  So let's take it back to where we started.
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  What are you waiting for permission to do?
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  Is it permission to change your mind?
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  To want something different?
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  To stop doing what you've always done?
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  To disappoint somebody?
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  To choose yourself?
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  To disappoint somebody.
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  Permission to choose yourself.
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  Permission to make the move before everybody understands it Maybe you don't need another permission slip.
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  Maybe you need to make a decision, not recklessly or impulsively And not without considering the people and things that matter to you, but from a grounded place.
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  I've gathered what I need.
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  I've considered what matters.
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  I know my values, and I'm willing to trust myself with what comes next, because that's the part I learned all those years ago in leadership.
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  You don't make one decision and then lose your ability to choose forever You get to make another decision.
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  You get new information, adjust.
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  Something changes, reassess.
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  hey, you realize you were wrong, own it.
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  The path isn't working, course-correct.
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  You learn something new about yourself, and then choose again.
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  That's leadership.
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  And maybe that's the permission you actually needed.
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  Permission to make the best decision you can make today without requiring yourself to predict the entire future first Ooh, listen.
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  If today's conversation has you realizing, "Okay, Maybe I need to spend a little less time asking everybody else what they think and a little more time hearing me," then friend, I have something for you.
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  The Ignite Your Main Character Energy journal prompts were created to help you get back into conversation with yourself.
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  these prompts help you explore what you want, what you believe, and what you're ready to leave behind, and who you wanna be in your own life.
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  Because sometimes you don't need another person giving you the answer.
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  You need a quiet moment, a blank page, and an honest conversation with yourself.
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  These are perfect for you if you know you wanna have those deeper conversations with yourself, but you don't know where to begin or even what questions to ask.
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  No worries, girl.
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  I got you.
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  And I'll put the link in the show notes so you can grab your copy And now it's time for our favorite, your self-love two-step with the remix I wanna help you identify one decision you've been circling.
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  Step one, ask yourself, "What information do I genuinely still need to make this decision?"
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  Not what information would make you feel 100% certain, okay?
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  Listen, we pause and then we pivot, okay?
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  We pause and we pivot.
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  But we don't stay stuck in the pause, okay?
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  This is about what you actually need to make your decision to go forward And step two, ask yourself, if I stopped waiting for permission, approval, or a consensus, what would I choose?
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  You don't have to do anything with the answer this second.
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  Just tell yourself the truth, because sometimes that's exactly where self-leadership starts And then step three, the you step.
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  You get still, you get quiet, and you ask yourself, "What is my heart telling me to do next?"
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  Whatever comes up, that is your next right aligned step.
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  Not the whole plan, just the next move.
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  And trust her, friend, she already knows Now let me pour into you real quick I wanna make this abundantly clear.
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  There are people in your life who have wisdom to share, people who love you, people whose opinions you value, people who have lived through things that you haven't lived through yet and can offer you perspective you may not
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  have considered.
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  I never wanna take that away from you.
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  There is so much value in having wise people around you.
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  And along with that, here's my invitation.
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  Acknowledge that you have wisdom too.
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  You have your own inner knowing, your own experiences, values, your own discernment, your own relationship with yourself, and all of that can help guide you through your life too.
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  We've gotta stop automatically assuming that because someone else has an opinion, their wisdom must be more valuable than your own knowing Friend, it's not.
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  Their wisdom can sit at the table.
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  Yours gets a seat too.
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  And remember, every person giving you advice is giving it to you through their own lens, their own experiences, their narratives, their biases, their fears Their own belief in what is possible for them or what's not possible for them.
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  They're looking at it through the lens of what happened when they tried something similar.
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  And what they would do if they were you And sometimes, let's be soul for real, okay?
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  Sometimes their opinion might be influenced by how your decision is going to affect them Because they're thinking, "Now wait a minute.
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  If this goes left, am I the one on the cleanup crew?"
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  And listen, friend, I ain't gonna hold you, okay?
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  I understand.
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  But that's exactly why somebody else's opinion can't automatically become your instruction.
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  They are not you You have your own calling on your life and they don't have your exact life.
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  They don't know everything that you know.
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  They don't feel everything you feel.
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  They don't have to wake up every morning and live inside the decision you do.
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  So listen, consider, ask questions, receive wisdom, take in the information But the most important part is to then bring it back home to you.
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  What do I know?
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  What do I value?
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  What feels right in my life?
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  What decision can I stand beside knowing I did the best I could with what I knew?
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  Because here's what I can promise you.
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  No matter what happens, you're gonna learn something.
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  Maybe you make the decision and it's exactly what you hoped it would be.
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  Maybe you make it and three months later you're like, "Welp, won't be doing that again."
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  Either way, you learned.
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  You gained wisdom you didn't have before.
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  You gained information you can use going forward.
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  You can course correct.
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  You can make another decision.
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  You can choose differently.
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  And every time you go through that process, every time you listen to yourself, make a thoughtful decision, stand beside it, learn from it, and adjust where necessary, you build something that no one else can give you, and that's
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  trust in yourself.
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  And that is invaluable because eventually, instead of immediately thinking, "Who can I call?
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  Who can tell me what to do?
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  Who knows better than me?"
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  You start asking, "What do I think?
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  What feels right for me?"
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  Not because you believe you know everything, and it's not even that you've stopped valuing the wisdom of people you love You've just finally stopped treating yourself like the least qualified person in the room when it comes to your
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  own life.
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  Nobody is coming to give you permission And honestly, you don't need them to.
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  Listen to wisdom, consider the impact, honor your values.
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  Make the best decision you can with what you know, and trust yourself enough to know that whatever comes next, You'll lead yourself through that too.
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  And that, my friend, is self-leadership Sometimes we're so afraid to make a decision because we don't wanna be wrong.
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  But friend, there are worse things to be, okay?
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  You are allowed to make thoughtful decisions that other people don't understand.
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  You are allowed to change your mind when something no longer fits or feels off.
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  You are allowed to consider everyone involved without abandoning yourself in the process You are allowed to make the best decision available to you even when none of the options feel particularly good You don't need to know exactly how
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  everything will turn out.
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  You need to know that you can trust yourself enough to meet yourself on the other side.
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  That is what leadership taught me, and that's what life continues to teach me.
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  The goal isn't to never make the wrong decision.
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  The goal is to become the woman who knows whatever happens next, I will lead myself through it Nobody's coming to give you permission, and maybe that's the best news because this life is yours and so is the decision
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  Ooh, friend.
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  Yes, you deserve to fall in love with yourself, your days, and your life.
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  Not someday, but right now.
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  This conversation, this work that you just showed up for, this is how it happens one layer at a time Until next time, keep becoming, keep remembering.
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  And no matter what comes your way, together we can, together we can encourage over everything.
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  And I'll see you soon