Latest / Thinking Out Loud | Kimberly / What if Health Isn’t About Being Pure, But About Being Balanced? | Thinking Out Loud
Transcript
- Kimberly Roller: Listening to conversations around right now, it starts to sound like everything is dangerous. Water Water is toxic. Seed oils are poison. Carbs are evil. Fruit is sugar. Meat will kill you. Plants will kill you. And at some point it stops being about nourishment. And it starts being about fear. And fear is really convincing when it sounds like information. ⁓ Because it doesn't show up as panic at first. shows up as certainty. This is bad food. That is toxic. What You should never eat that. And the more rules we collect, ⁓ the safer think we think we feel, but the smaller our world becomes ⁓ as a Food stops being about something that supports us, and starts being something we manage, ⁓ control, and even fear. And I want you to pause for a second and ask yourself something honestly. When you hear all this, the rules, the warnings, the don't eat this and only eat that, Do you feel clearer or do you feel overwhelmed? Because I think a lot of people don't actually feel healthier. I think they just feel more anxious. Like they're one wrong choice away from messing everything up. And that's not a peaceful way to live. That's not a sustainable way to take care of body. And if the way we're approaching health ⁓ is making us more disconnected about ourselves, then we have to ask, is that actually helping? because it's not that people don't care about their health. Sometimes it's just that they care so much ⁓ that they losing trust in their own body along the way. Hi, it's me, Kimberly. And today's question, what if health isn't about being pure, But about being balanced. I want to talk about what happens when we lose context in our pursuit of health and how the loss of context can actually pull us further away from the balance our bodies are asking for. And before we go further, quick note. This podcast is for reflection and conversation, not professional advice. Take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and listen in a way that feels supportive for you. Lately, I've noticed how loud the conversation food has become. We throw words like toxic, detox constantly, even though our bodies already have an entire organ dedicated to the liver. That doesn't mean exposure doesn't matter, it does, ⁓ but dosage matters too. Even healthy foods can become problematic. when we turn them into extremes. Seafood is a great example. Yes, it's nutritious. Yes, it's full of omega-3s. But there's still the risk of mercury. And that risk doesn't magically disappear just because you swapped eating tuna every day for sardines. Balance matters. Frequency matters. Context matters. That idea, context, is what keeps getting lost. For me, this didn't start trends. started with my body struggling long before I understood why. I had issues since my period first started. I was anemic. Not just a little tired. I'm talking about full, life-threatening, heavy periods that honestly I survived more out of stubbornness than anything else. And the best way I can describe it is, ⁓ it felt like that Harry Potter quote. A A cursed life. Alive, but not fully. That's what it felt like. Like I was constantly running on empty, chronic fatigue, low iron, constant depletion. And every time I asked for help, the same answer, take iron, try the try this? Birth control. But I wasn't getting better. ⁓ I was getting worse. Slowly, quietly gaining weight patterns that didn't make sense, struggling to ovulate, watching my body stop responding the way it should. Birth control didn't fix it. It made me feel like I wasn't even myself anymore. And the hardest part was I kept being told to just push through. Rest was never presented as an option. Rest felt like a failure, like laziness because the lab's results couldn't find my problems. So I was pushed to just keep going. even when my body was clearly breaking down. And I think that's one of the hardest parts of that experience was not just feeling but not being believed in a way that I needed because when the solution keeps being simplified to just take this. You start to feel like your experience is being minimized. Like maybe you're overreacting. Like maybe this is normal and maybe you're just not handling it well enough like everybody else. And that's a really isolating place to be in. Because your body is clearly struggling, but you don't feel fully seen in it. I later found out my ferritin was extremely low, I had lingering post-mono symptoms I never fully recovered from. ⁓ My body didn't bounce back. It just kept compensating until it anymore. And with PCOS, it felt like my hormones are working against me. irregular cycles, high testosterone, it didn't feel like imbalance, it felt like chaos. And for a long time I internalized that. I didn't just think my body is struggling. I thought something is wrong with me. And I didn't And I don't think we talk enough about how quickly health conversations turn into identity conversations because it stops being about my body is struggling. and it starts becoming, I am the problem. And that shift, that's where the shame starts to grow. And that shame does not help heal you. It just makes you push harder in ways your body can't sustain. For me, learning balance came from necessity, not trends. With PCOS, I learned pretty quickly that skim milk and low fat dairy made my symptoms worse. My acne flared, my hormones felt chaotic. And when I switched to whole fat dairy, my body actually felt calmer. At the same time, realized I wasn't getting enough vitamin C and a high dairy diet was interfering with my iron absorption. So I adjusted, not eliminated, trying not to panic. I still eat dairy. Sometimes I need it, especially when my iron supplements start hitting my stomach a little too hard. but I stopped unintentionally sabotaging myself. For example, I used to make iron-rich chili and then dump half a block of cheese and a pile of Greek yogurt on top. Delicious? Yes. Helpful? Not really. Now, I add less. I still get the flavor and I still meet my goals. It's all about balance, honestly. And what I didn't realize at the time was... I wasn't just learning about food. I was learning how to listen. ⁓ And that is a very different skill because requires flexibility. ⁓ requires curiosity. It requires you to admit that worked before might not work now. ⁓ I get it though. We like certainty. We rules, ⁓ but the body does not work like that. shifts. It responds. It changes with stress, sleep, hormones, and season of life. So the goal can't be perfection. The goal has to be awareness. Pregnancy forced me to learn this lesson even deeper. With my first pregnancy, I had severe gestational diabetes. nothing I did. Perfecting my diet even more Medication or metformin could not fully control it. Even berries with a balanced meal sometimes spiked my blood sugar into the 200s and it didn't feel like I was failing a test. It felt like my body was betraying me. I was exhausted, sensitive, drained, and I remember thinking, why does this feel so hard when I'm literally doing everything I'm supposed to? Because I was trying and it still wasn't working. And that messed with me because when My body doesn't respond the way it should be. I didn't just question my health. I questioned myself. And for me that cut deep because I've always wanted to be a mom. So when my reproduction health struggled, It didn't just feel physical. It felt like a personal attack. Like I was being told again. that I wasn't enough. Postpartum, knew right away something wasn't right. I've always a good sleeper when I sleep deprived. I was always able to go to bed. And suddenly, no matter how tired I was, as soon as the baby screamed, I couldn't sleep. And I couldn't sleep until the next feeding. No matter how tired I was, my body, my mind just would not shut down. And when you're that exhausted, your mind starts to go places you don't expect. I got close to the space that felt like a psychosis and that was terrifying for me because I didn't recognize myself anymore. I just felt so fragile. And at some point it wasn't doing things right anymore. In that moment, I was just surviving. Eventually, my husband took over night feedings and that did help and I started coming back, but not as the same version of a more sensitive version, a more aware version. And when I tried to rush back into my old lifestyle, the one where I pushed through everything, my body just wouldn't let me this time. It forced me to stop. And I think that was the first time I truly understood something I had heard before, but never lived. You cannot out work a body that needs rest. You can delay it. You can ignore it, but eventually it will make you stop. when I looked honestly at my lifestyle, I saw patterns. We ate a lot of vegetables, but on the fiber, we eat a high fat, low carbohydrate, low fiber meals. We didn't walk much as a family. Movements happen in bursts, not consistency, more like panic cleaning or big projects and then had to recover And that kind of led to like without enough carbohydrates to fuel that energy and fiber to keep me satiated. My motivation would tank and I wasn't lazy. My body simply Didn't have the fuel it needed. worst with when I at worst with my health, it felt like everything was making me sick. Every food, ⁓ every choice, ⁓ I was desperate to feel better. So I tried everything. ⁓ Sometimes something would help, But then my luteal phase would hit and it felt like I had gone insane all over again. I used to believe good foods and bad foods, if could just follow the right rules, ⁓ I'd feel okay. But now I see food as a spectrum because even good things can hurt you in the wrong amounts. I also had to unlearn the idea that I needed to earn my food, that I had to burn it off, balance it out, make it up later. Because ⁓ that mindset food into a transaction and that's exhausting. What works for me now is variety balance and honoring my limits instead of overriding them. And I have to remind myself often my body has been through a lot. Years of surviving. Years of pushing through. So of course it needs time. one. I'm just now getting my feelings back. And they're loud, but I'll that because before I didn't feel anything until it was an emergency level pain. I'll still catch myself wanting to overdo it when I feel good because I do love being productive. but my stamina time to rebuild. And that doesn't mean I'm weak, it means I'm healing. And honestly, my toddler has been one of the best teachers. She doesn't fear food, she just listens. and I think about how easy it would be to accidentally pass down the Same patterns I was taught. Don't eat too much. Finish your plate. Messages that seem harmless but create confusion because I was taught both and that confusion turned into being a binge eater. Not because I lacked discipline but because I lacked clarity. So now I'm trying to do it differently. Routine, balance, understanding snacks aren't failure, they're support. And I want my kids to feel strong, not restricted. To understand food. not be afraid of it. Because I think a lot of people are chasing clean eating, aren't chasing perfection. They're chasing relief. They want to feel better. And I bet they want to feel in control again. And when something finally works, It's tempting turn it into a rule for everyone. But relief is not the same as a universal answer. And when food becomes a moral system, we lose connection. Meals become too stressful, social moments become complicated, and health shouldn't isolate you. It should support your life, not shrink it. And honestly, part of me still gets pushed towards extremes sometimes, but extremes feel simple, clear rules, clear direction, but real health is messier than that. It requires listening, adjusting, slowing down. and trusting yourself even when there isn't a clear answer. So back to the question, what if health isn't about purity, but about balance? ⁓ I don't mean perfection. I mean being able to your life without questioning every choice. ⁓ Being able to eat without fear, sitting at the table with you. Being able to trust that your body is not your enemy, because the more I've learned this through illness, through hormones, through pregnancy, through rebuilding, the more I realized something simple. Health is not something you achieve once. It's a relationship. And like any relationship, requires listening, patience, adjustments. Some days you'll get it right. Some days you won't. And that's okay because this isn't about perfection. It's about staying connected to yourself while figuring it out. Health isn't purity. Health is sustainability. Health is flexibility. Health is learning your body's language and responding with kindness. Maybe health isn't about something you control. Maybe it's something you learn to work with.