Latest / Questionable Detour / Trapping people in a reptile terrarium, supporting child labor, and ripping old peoples' hair out

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Trapping people in a reptile terrarium, supporting child labor, and ripping old peoples' hair out · Questionable Detour

• 0:00
  Excuse me, what is going on here?
• 0:04
  But first we're going to make a little detour.
• 0:09
  So absurd, so questionable.
• 0:12
  I guess we're just the weirdos.
• 0:15
  Expect the detour.
• 0:25
  Well, we went to eat the other night and we were enjoying our meal.
• 0:29
  I'm sitting there, back to the door, back to the rest of the room.
• 0:32
  Like a sigma.
• 0:34
  And a kid just is running around the room.
• 0:37
  He just got there. He's running around the room blowing candles out on every table.
• 0:41
  Did you go to a McDonald's playhouse?
• 0:43
  No, this is a decently decent restaurant.
• 0:46
  Like meals were at least twenty dollars, you know?
• 0:50
  And yeah, I know.
• 0:52
  You really treat your wife.
• 0:53
  Yeah, well, you know, I do what I can around here.
• 0:56
  And yeah, anyway, this kid starts off great.
• 1:00
  He's just running around, blowing out all the candles on every table.
• 1:03
  Yeah. And then he sits down.
• 1:06
  All I hear is, what do you think the people around here think about Ben Franklin?
• 1:12
  The kid asked that? The kid.
• 1:13
  He can't be more than seven. His parents.
• 1:17
  He said, what do you what do they think about Ben Franklin here?
• 1:20
  And immediately perks my ears because you guys know what I think of Ben Franklin.
• 1:25
  Great guy.
• 1:26
  But he then goes into the entire preamble of the United States Constitution.
• 1:32
  And all I hear is, how does it start again?
• 1:35
  We the people to form a more perfect union.
• 1:38
  We are good American.
• 1:40
  I'm trying to remember.
• 1:42
  I don't know. He starts it.
• 1:43
  I'm going to I'm going to overlay the star spangled better as we
• 1:46
  bumble through the I don't remember what it is now.
• 1:50
  We the people of the United States of America in order to form a more
• 1:53
  perfect union, something about unalienable rights.
• 1:58
  It's a little later on.
• 2:00
  Put a whale in your car after, you know, so many miles.
• 2:04
  It probably just is a bunch of good facts.
• 2:06
  Don't mix colors and whites in your washing machine.
• 2:09
  They kept that one around that rule around.
• 2:10
  Yeah, I think they misunderstood that one for a little bit.
• 2:14
  Either way, he's like two sentences in the preamble.
• 2:17
  And I look up at my wife and I say, is he reading off something right now?
• 2:21
  Or like, what is he doing?
• 2:22
  She goes, no, he's just reciting this memory.
• 2:25
  Seven years old.
• 2:25
  On a scale of one to autism.
• 2:28
  Yes. Where was he at? Absolutely.
• 2:30
  He's got it.
• 2:32
  Did you did you feel competitive and maybe that you were going to go
• 2:35
  knock all the stuff off his table and know, but like challenge him
• 2:38
  to a duel of United States?
• 2:42
  I immediately felt like I would have lost.
• 2:44
  Yeah, I don't know any of that.
• 2:46
  We just saw he's not ready.
• 2:48
  I only knew that it was the preamble because of Hamilton and.
• 2:53
  I mean, you know, I don't know what else you can glean off that,
• 2:56
  but it made me want to have a slightly autistic child.
• 2:59
  Yeah, because like you could have that child if you wanted.
• 3:02
  Yeah, well, maybe not that exact one.
• 3:06
  I mean, you could have an autistic child.
• 3:08
  Yeah, not I mean, yeah, legally, you know, sneak around with the dart.
• 3:12
  OK, but a lasso, I think a lasso and a train horn.
• 3:16
  It sounds like you just put a candle in your car.
• 3:19
  Yeah, come in there and blow it out.
• 3:21
  Talk about how you would kidnap a child.
• 3:24
  So that's kind of what I'm leaning towards is having an autistic.
• 3:28
  Just like a borderline.
• 3:29
  Maybe not. You look at him and you're like, yeah.
• 3:33
  You know, like a Stephen Hawking guy.
• 3:35
  Yeah, maybe you hang out with him for five minutes and you're like,
• 3:39
  he might he might be.
• 3:41
  You know, how jealous were you watching that kid
• 3:44
  run around, blow out candles and just sit out and just ask a random question?
• 3:48
  Just to rattle off a United States documentation is
• 3:52
  everything I've ever wanted, because as soon as I go into
• 3:56
  name another US document, because I can't think Bill of Rights,
• 4:01
  soon as I start going into my reset recitation recite recite
• 4:04
  recitator, sound like a fancy word.
• 4:06
  I'm not recitation. My reciting of is it dead? Yeah.
• 4:11
  Is that stating it?
• 4:12
  Bill of Rights, my wife immediately shuts it down.
• 4:15
  She doesn't care about it. She's a communist. Exactly.
• 4:18
  Yes. As a as a mustache that just is right below her nose.
• 4:22
  Just now you did say that you were excited to have an autistic child.
• 4:27
  Like maybe you're going to choose that.
• 4:29
  Could you maybe expound upon the fact that you probably didn't have a choice?
• 4:34
  It's going to happen either way.
• 4:36
  Yeah, your genetics are all wonky.
• 4:38
  All right. Well, your kid's going to come out with three arms and you know it.
• 4:43
  Yeah. But at least if I get ahead of it now and I'm like,
• 4:47
  I'm kind of looking forward to this.
• 4:48
  Then when it happens, you're mentally getting ready for it.
• 4:50
  Exactly. When it happens, I'll be like, it's not sneaking up on you
• 4:52
  when you like catch your kid watching a train documentary at 2 a.m.
• 4:57
  Yeah. You're prepared.
• 5:01
  Maybe you sit down with them.
• 5:03
  And maybe someone that'll finally lean into what I got, you know,
• 5:08
  someone to match my energy.
• 5:10
  Savannah's going to be outnumbered at this point.
• 5:13
  And you'd see a train going by you and you're just longingly looking at it.
• 5:18
  You're like, God, if I could just if I could just give it to that.
• 5:22
  If I had one other person to peer pressure me, I swear.
• 5:27
  You start to say it to them and you're like, I wonder what.
• 5:29
  And then you kind of give up.
• 5:32
  She wouldn't get it. She's not going to understand.
• 5:35
  Do you know that's a model?
• 5:36
  You don't care to do
• 5:41
  as the tear like a train rolls right down your face.
• 5:45
  Oh, yeah.
• 5:48
  What what do you think that family would have done
• 5:50
  if you heard the kids say that and then you pulled up a chair
• 5:54
  as if what he said invited you to the conversation?
• 5:56
  They seemed open to it.
• 5:58
  I mean, they were talking for the whole restaurant to hear.
• 6:00
  So I was letting their kid run around and blow out candles.
• 6:03
  Exactly. I don't think they had much to like go against.
• 6:07
  Also, what place are you going to that cost twenty dollars per person
• 6:10
  but also has real candles?
• 6:12
  Red Lobster. Calling it right now.
• 6:14
  No. Olive Garden.
• 6:16
  Oh, I wish. Follow me here.
• 6:18
  I'm kind of wondering if Evan didn't travel back in time
• 6:21
  because the only information he's given so far is a kid running around
• 6:25
  blowing out candles, implying that there's no electricity.
• 6:28
  And speaking of a current person, as in Ben Franklin,
• 6:32
  did Evan travel back in time and is now just making fun
• 6:35
  of an autistic kid in the 1700s?
• 6:36
  We know kids didn't survive in the 1700s.
• 6:39
  That could be it. No kids.
• 6:42
  I think everybody was probably somewhat autistic in the 1700s, though.
• 6:46
  I mean, especially Ben Franklin. Yeah.
• 6:50
  You know, all the different things he had going on, like,
• 6:53
  you know, he had a touch of it.
• 6:54
  Just knowing those things, like knowing that Ben Franklin exists
• 6:58
  and knowing the U.S. Constitution may have been pop culture at the time.
• 7:01
  That's what I'm saying. So he could have just been like Ben Franklin
• 7:04
  could have done the Super Bowl halftime show.
• 7:05
  He could just fly in a flag.
• 7:09
  Now, who's Taylor Swift?
• 7:11
  Is it Washington? Is Taylor Swift in this scenario?
• 7:14
  With his wooden teeth?
• 7:15
  Just being the most famous person singing with a weird tooth whistle.
• 7:20
  No, I like I like where you're going with this.
• 7:23
  So so Ben Franklin hosts the halftime show.
• 7:26
  He's the he's the usher.
• 7:27
  You know, they've got a lot of similarities.
• 7:30
  You imagine Ben Franklin up there doing those hip movements
• 7:33
  that Usher was doing on some roller skates.
• 7:35
  Yeah. Yeah. Got a printing press out there, you know,
• 7:38
  because that's growth in Martha Washington.
• 7:40
  Yeah.
• 7:43
  We'll just play out who the rest of these people were like.
• 7:45
  So Ludacris appears. Who do we think Ludacris is?
• 7:48
  John Adams, John Adams, Tommy J. Right?
• 7:51
  No, Tommy J. is too big of a guy.
• 7:53
  Ludacris is kind of a background guy.
• 7:54
  Oh, OK. You're you're really digging into it.
• 7:57
  OK. Yeah. Adams, maybe.
• 7:59
  I think it's a good call.
• 8:00
  Yeah. Betsy, Betsy Ross in there.
• 8:02
  Oh, yeah. Betsy Ross as Alicia Keys.
• 8:05
  She probably hit the same terrible note at the beginning to probably
• 8:09
  that girl is on fire.
• 8:11
  Instead of a long dress, it's just that flag that she made behind her.
• 8:15
  She made a flag. She wasn't good at singing.
• 8:18
  All right. Welcome to a question with Detour.
• 8:20
  Let's do some hypotheticals.
• 8:22
  Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract, purely hypothetical question?
• 8:26
  I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question.
• 8:29
  Well, that's a hypothetical question.
• 8:32
  So welcome, Perry.
• 8:34
  You traveled here from afar, right?
• 8:36
  Like you came from a long distance.
• 8:38
  No, you traveled on a train that Evan was slobbering for as a kid.
• 8:43
  The Evan was slobbering for as it passed him.
• 8:46
  You were you were on the top of the train like.
• 8:49
  Oh, yeah. I was a Polar Express.
• 8:51
  Yeah, your polar and I'm Tom Hanks in that scenario.
• 8:54
  There is a weirdly computer animated guy.
• 8:57
  He drug some homeless up there, homeless man up there to like act out the whole scene.
• 9:01
  Yeah, he liked it. I gave him a little
• 9:04
  give him a one dollar bill and he said whatever he wants.
• 9:07
  Evans, the kid from the Polar Express with the glasses.
• 9:10
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 9:12
  Or is your ticket?
• 9:15
  But my point is you traveled from afar and you probably stayed in a hotel, right?
• 9:19
  Yeah, a very, very crappy one.
• 9:22
  Yeah, it was quick.
• 9:24
  We can call it a hotel. OK, good.
• 9:25
  Well, that's that's what our hypotheticals about.
• 9:27
  How do you guys go about traveling and staying in hotels?
• 9:31
  How are y'all as guests in a five star hotel?
• 9:35
  I think it's important to know
• 9:38
  everything you can about where you're staying.
• 9:41
  And by that, I mean every nook and cranny of that hotel.
• 9:44
  Did you say nook and granny?
• 9:46
  I didn't, but I can.
• 9:48
  So by that, I mean you want to know where every elderly person is located
• 9:52
  within the hotel, because that's just who you are.
• 9:57
  Why?
• 9:59
  Why are you looking for old people in hotels?
• 10:01
  Is it because you've been collecting dentures
• 10:04
  and if they don't have dentures, you go in there with a pair of needle
• 10:08
  no pliers and just start yanking out some old people teeth?
• 10:13
  No, it's because I've been building my own old person.
• 10:18
  Oh, OK.
• 10:20
  You couldn't just let somebody age.
• 10:23
  You had to jump in front of the timeline.
• 10:25
  Yeah. Well, old people are just better.
• 10:28
  They're superior in most ways.
• 10:30
  So when you're at a hotel, you want to find all the old people that you can
• 10:34
  and kind of just take a little piece of each one
• 10:36
  and then just put it into an old person.
• 10:38
  String them together.
• 10:39
  Yeah. And just make one super old person, like superior, but also like
• 10:45
  a super really old. Yeah. Oh, super old.
• 10:48
  So what went through the body parts and pieces that you're slowly
• 10:53
  accumulating to eventually Frankenstein, an elderly person?
• 10:56
  Though technically get philosophical here with me.
• 10:58
  Once you are finished with the this quote unquote old person,
• 11:01
  would they technically be a new person?
• 11:03
  Hmm. I'm going to say no, because I'm really just getting the hair.
• 11:08
  I'm just just getting their hair and putting it on a young person
• 11:13
  and making them look old.
• 11:15
  So you're just taping and gluing old people here to a poor individual
• 11:19
  in a hotel room. Yeah, they're very poor.
• 11:22
  And this is not your business. This is just you on vacation.
• 11:25
  Yeah. No, this is every time I go to a hotel.
• 11:28
  Just find a young person.
• 11:29
  A poor young, a poor young person.
• 11:32
  Not a lot of his name.
• 11:33
  Mm hmm. I mean, this person is not saying in a five star hotel.
• 11:37
  Yeah. I mean, he's not at the hotel.
• 11:39
  Oh, he is. I bring him there.
• 11:41
  You leave. I find him on the way.
• 11:42
  Like just on the side of the road and you're like, I can give you a place to stay.
• 11:45
  Yeah. Yeah. If you agree to my terms of service.
• 11:48
  Oh, you're up front with it. Yeah.
• 11:50
  Well, I don't want to be dishonest.
• 11:52
  Sir, I don't want to do anything weird.
• 11:54
  I just want to glue all people's hair to his head.
• 11:56
  I mean, he agrees to it either way.
• 11:58
  It doesn't really matter what I say.
• 12:00
  What are the chances?
• 12:00
  Because I do offer him not high.
• 12:02
  I mean, he's on the side of the road and I'm offering him a place to stay.
• 12:06
  So it really doesn't matter what I really really the rock bottom.
• 12:10
  Yeah. And he thinks he's a rock bottom.
• 12:12
  But once he accepts this offer, like like the devil looking for somebody's soul.
• 12:18
  It's a new rock bottom.
• 12:20
  So you get him back to the hotel.
• 12:21
  What's our strategy? What's the game plan?
• 12:23
  Stick old buddy in a room.
• 12:25
  Just kind of you didn't learn his name.
• 12:27
  Don't care to.
• 12:27
  It's ironic you call him old buddy, seeing as he's old enough for you.
• 12:31
  I just throw him in a room and say, wait here.
• 12:34
  Lock the door. Make sure he can't get out.
• 12:36
  Don't need any runners.
• 12:39
  And I lock the door.
• 12:40
  Do you mean you crudely tie a belt around the outside of the door
• 12:44
  so you can't get out? Yeah.
• 12:45
  Nail a screw into the wall and tie a nail a screw. Yeah.
• 12:50
  It's tough work. It's tough work.
• 12:52
  It it would be a lot better for me to use nails.
• 12:55
  Does it work?
• 12:55
  He's like, why is this not going in smoothly?
• 12:57
  Yeah, that's just what I have in my tool bag.
• 13:00
  I then slink you around into the different old people's rooms
• 13:03
  after I've gotten a blueprint of the hotel and a guest list of everyone
• 13:07
  who's staying there and pretend to be room service.
• 13:11
  And what do old people love more than room service?
• 13:14
  Racism, hard candy. Exactly.
• 13:18
  And you as a white person, as a white person, come in with hard candy.
• 13:22
  You're like the king of the castle. Yeah.
• 13:24
  Yeah. Well, I mean, you both got it right.
• 13:27
  So I open the door, I say, you like a Werther's original.
• 13:31
  And then you say a slur.
• 13:32
  And then I say because black people don't.
• 13:35
  And they're like, I don't understand this racism, but it seems bad.
• 13:42
  You said something.
• 13:44
  And so they're like, come on in.
• 13:46
  And that's when I pounce.
• 13:49
  You pounce on them.
• 13:50
  No, no, no. I pounce upon their hair.
• 13:53
  Like as if a cat pounces on a bird.
• 13:57
  Yeah. Well, it's like a cat pouncing on a human.
• 14:01
  I'm very light and I kind of just float up there.
• 14:04
  And they like barely even spin around in their lap and maybe lay down.
• 14:07
  Yeah, they barely even notice me up there.
• 14:09
  And I kind of just pluck a few hairs.
• 14:11
  Oh, you plucky.
• 14:13
  You don't have a tool for that with the tool bag of mixed match.
• 14:16
  So hammering screws, you think I have a tool for pulling hair.
• 14:20
  You don't have like a buzzer.
• 14:22
  It's like, you know, like a clipper.
• 14:23
  It's just a pair of tweezers.
• 14:25
  It's not even tweezers, it's just my bare hands.
• 14:28
  And half the time, I don't even get the hair on the first pull.
• 14:30
  So I'm just sitting there yanking for five minutes.
• 14:32
  You like it like you're trying to set up a lawnmower that's not cranking.
• 14:35
  Yeah, tweezers would be a good idea.
• 14:38
  How much does the old person scream as you're just yanking on their head? A lot.
• 14:44
  I'm not afraid to say that.
• 14:45
  Yeah, a lot.
• 14:46
  You ever had a hair pulled from your head?
• 14:48
  I have.
• 14:49
  Now, imagine when you were having your hair pulled.
• 14:51
  You were maybe 60 years older than you are now.
• 14:54
  That's what it feels like. OK. OK.
• 14:56
  What you do, does he enjoy it?
• 14:58
  Yeah, a little bit.
• 15:00
  Like, do you get a 90 year old man moaning in there?
• 15:07
  He's like, my wife wouldn't do this for me.
• 15:10
  Well, this racist white boy
• 15:13
  pretended to be a cat.
• 15:18
  Delicious candies.
• 15:20
  I said, that's a good candy.
• 15:23
  You're like, well, you did it to my kink.
• 15:27
  Very specific.
• 15:28
  You would be surprised.
• 15:29
  You leave you leave that room a little flustered.
• 15:33
  Yeah, makes you not want to go to the next one.
• 15:36
  But I have a mission.
• 15:37
  So you're just yanking the hair.
• 15:39
  Are you just carrying it all loose or do you have like maybe some sort of bag?
• 15:42
  No, it's just in my hands.
• 15:44
  Do you just walk away?
• 15:46
  I have a dead animal in my hands.
• 15:48
  I was like, hey, there's a very hairy old man person.
• 15:50
  So you have just this loose hair, a little bloody because you were yanking.
• 15:54
  Like it's the ends of it.
• 15:56
  It just helps it stick better.
• 15:58
  You go back to your room.
• 15:59
  The person in your room is panicking now.
• 16:02
  I think he's gotten the full idea of what's maybe happening here.
• 16:06
  Do you offer him any Werther's originals?
• 16:08
  Of course not. He's not old.
• 16:11
  Once I put the hair upon him, sure.
• 16:14
  He's always earned his worth.
• 16:15
  Yeah, he's earned his worth.
• 16:17
  He's earned his worth.
• 16:18
  There's a there it is.
• 16:20
  You know what I mean?
• 16:21
  So you get back to what happens then?
• 16:23
  How does he earn his worth?
• 16:25
  It's a lot of Elmer's glue.
• 16:27
  It looks like a child's arts and craft project.
• 16:29
  Yeah, it looks like a scarecrow almost.
• 16:31
  Yeah. Are you creating your grandfather?
• 16:33
  You never had. Is this the goal of this?
• 16:34
  What's what's happening here?
• 16:36
  Why are you doing this?
• 16:37
  I just think that old people are better, superior.
• 16:39
  More people should be old is what I'm is what I've been saying for a long time.
• 16:43
  You wait around. You'll get what you want.
• 16:45
  Yeah, but it's not worth waiting for.
• 16:47
  Let me ask you this.
• 16:48
  You want you want what kind of gratification?
• 16:52
  Instant. It you're very good.
• 16:56
  You're very good.
• 16:57
  You all get you pull some hair and stick gratification. Yeah.
• 17:03
  Now I'm going to poke some holes into this airtight plan that you're doing.
• 17:07
  They have hair, generally speaking, gray and white hair
• 17:10
  that is about them with glue and tape.
• 17:12
  But their skin so taught, so smooth.
• 17:17
  You then put them on the top of the hotel
• 17:19
  and just let them roast in the sun for a few days.
• 17:22
  Like a raisin, like a real.
• 17:24
  Don't give them any liquids.
• 17:26
  Yeah, just pop them up there, dehydrate them a little bit.
• 17:29
  Kind of get the skin to loosen up.
• 17:32
  Start falling off the bone, if you know what I mean.
• 17:34
  Yeah, they come back down looking like a basset hound.
• 17:37
  Do you maybe take a hammer to a knee so they start walking with the limp?
• 17:40
  Because I mean, come on now.
• 17:42
  Yeah, there's no old person without a limp.
• 17:44
  I take a few teeth out.
• 17:46
  So old people are historically incontinent.
• 17:49
  How do you make that happen?
• 17:51
  I'm in a fancy hotel.
• 17:52
  I'm going to keep it. Keep it fancy. Yeah.
• 17:56
  I just make them drink just a lot of perfume,
• 17:59
  just a lot of perfume bottles.
• 18:02
  Because what?
• 18:04
  Because what makes you pass liquids better than perfume?
• 18:11
  A lot of things.
• 18:12
  A lot of things.
• 18:13
  Chemicals. Name.
• 18:14
  It's a chemical. There's chemicals in perfume.
• 18:16
  I think prune juice might be one of them.
• 18:18
  Yeah. See, then you're just bringing nature into it.
• 18:22
  And I'm not trying to do that.
• 18:25
  Trying to leave this out of nature, trying to leave it out of God's eyes.
• 18:29
  You know what I mean?
• 18:31
  Sweep this one under the rug.
• 18:33
  So you have your your young person now, leathery,
• 18:38
  raisin skin covered just in hair.
• 18:41
  It looks like a shedding dog as he walks about.
• 18:43
  Can't keep pissing.
• 18:48
  Urinating all over himself.
• 18:50
  Smacking a Werther's.
• 18:53
  He earned it. Really gumming that Werther's.
• 18:57
  He's earned it at this point, for sure.
• 18:59
  Let me ask you something.
• 19:00
  Is this a hotel or did you just wander into a retirement home?
• 19:04
  Because it sounds like you just wander into a hotel full of old people,
• 19:08
  which sounds like retirement home.
• 19:10
  Or you're just in Florida. Or.
• 19:12
  Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it would.
• 19:15
  It could be a hotel or it could be a retirement home.
• 19:18
  I'm really not sure.
• 19:19
  I asked for a room and they said they asked me for my age.
• 19:23
  Which I thought was weird. And you lied.
• 19:25
  I lied. I said I was 65. Yeah.
• 19:27
  You look so you look terrible.
• 19:29
  Yeah, they bought it.
• 19:31
  Is it because you've been drinking perfume?
• 19:35
  Yeah, I mean, of course, I've been drinking.
• 19:37
  I'm not going to make someone drink perfume if I won't do it.
• 19:39
  Sure. You know, it's called being a good leader.
• 19:42
  That's why that way is that person chokes down that those chemicals.
• 19:45
  You're like, I get it.
• 19:47
  No, I understand.
• 19:49
  Here's some Victoria's Secret. It tastes better.
• 19:52
  You know, that's what you do in hotels.
• 19:54
  You kidnap a person as down on the luck as possible.
• 19:59
  You assault you assault or pleasures of old people.
• 20:04
  Get their hair.
• 20:05
  Torture the person that you've kidnapped to make them old.
• 20:09
  All in an effort to achieve something you have yet to explain or achieve
• 20:14
  a race of super old people. That's right.
• 20:16
  OK, you did explain that. Thank you.
• 20:19
  All right. So when I go to a hotel,
• 20:21
  I'm immediately thinking the room,
• 20:24
  the environment that they've created is not to my standards.
• 20:27
  I'm somebody who really likes an ecosystem.
• 20:31
  So what I'm going to do is I'm going to start bringing little soil,
• 20:35
  little plant life, just things from the outdoors into my hotel room
• 20:39
  and just kind of create my own terrarium in there.
• 20:44
  I'm going to get it hot in there.
• 20:48
  We're going to be able to house monitor lizards in there.
• 20:50
  Wait, so you're creating a terrarium for the people in the rooms?
• 20:55
  So like if I were to go by the first floor of this hotel and I look in,
• 20:59
  it looks like I'm looking into the reptile exhibited in the zoo.
• 21:03
  Yeah. Yeah. OK. Yeah.
• 21:04
  But it'll be people, people just sweating.
• 21:09
  Sweating, using their tongue to catch bugs.
• 21:14
  We're at a nice like 90, 95 degrees in there.
• 21:17
  We'll release insects in through the vents like you're like you would feed reptiles.
• 21:23
  And these people, they're not moving very fast.
• 21:26
  They're absolutely boiling.
• 21:30
  It's hard to watch them catch those bugs.
• 21:32
  They don't do a very good job.
• 21:35
  Now, are you dressed in just tang clothing like a Steve Irwin type character?
• 21:39
  Yeah. Yeah. Got a mic on your lapel.
• 21:44
  I've got a camera.
• 21:45
  I've got a cameraman with me as well.
• 21:49
  It follows me into the rooms and I kind of narrate what the people,
• 21:53
  what I think they're doing, just tell them about, you know, these people sweat probably
• 21:58
  five gallons a day.
• 22:00
  And we really we want that because.
• 22:03
  Oh, so we feed them with the bugs, but we make them drink the sweat.
• 22:08
  So we need these guys.
• 22:10
  We're not we're not on city water.
• 22:13
  Off the grid, we're off the grid situation.
• 22:17
  I thought this hotel is not connected to any civilization.
• 22:21
  But yeah, we make sure that our guests are sweating.
• 22:24
  They're told to produce five gallons.
• 22:28
  They have a quota. They've got they've got a quota.
• 22:31
  They say that the best thing about going on vacation at a hotel is the quota.
• 22:35
  Doing work, doing the work, you know.
• 22:38
  But I mean, they're going to have to or else they're not going to be able to drink.
• 22:40
  You know, they sweat out those five gallons and look at that.
• 22:44
  They've earned themselves a glass of quote unquote water.
• 22:48
  Do they get they don't get any water.
• 22:50
  It's just the so that they're making their own. Yeah.
• 22:53
  So they're just sweating in the drinking their sweat. Mm hmm.
• 22:57
  They don't live long, do they? Yeah.
• 22:59
  Biologically, this hydrated.
• 23:02
  Yeah. Yeah. Life expectancy here in the terrarium is not not high.
• 23:07
  Yeah. Supposedly, this is a five star hotel.
• 23:10
  These people are signing up to be lifelike terrarium.
• 23:14
  I'm not going to lie to you.
• 23:15
  They didn't know this is the situation.
• 23:17
  OK, getting in.
• 23:17
  I mean, personally, if you told me there's a hotel that is almost like a zoo,
• 23:21
  I would love to go stay there. You could spend it. Yeah. Yeah.
• 23:24
  So this is a basically life sized terrarium.
• 23:27
  I think I read about this, actually. Oh.
• 23:30
  And let me fill you on the details of Alan's leaving out.
• 23:33
  So these people are now in a life sized terrarium,
• 23:35
  but you've upsized the bugs that are also available.
• 23:39
  So they think that they've actually shrunk down
• 23:41
  and they have some kind of owner outside of the hotel.
• 23:45
  And they're in some bedroom somewhere just shrunken down.
• 23:50
  And they're they're living this new life and they have a whole new ecosystem.
• 23:53
  There's no world outside of that tank.
• 23:55
  There's a honey. I found the kids.
• 23:56
  Yeah, exactly.
• 23:58
  And thank you, Perry, for bringing that up. And it's
• 24:01
  you know, when when you run a honey,
• 24:04
  I shrunk the kids as business out of a hotel.
• 24:07
  It's not something that you want to, you know, brag about,
• 24:09
  because there are a lot of people that don't have that in their life.
• 24:12
  And I didn't want to I didn't want to come to this
• 24:15
  and just throw that in front of you guys, show you how great I'm doing.
• 24:20
  But since Perry brought it up, yes, that is exactly the situation.
• 24:24
  The bugs are enormous.
• 24:27
  They're they're the size of your average cow.
• 24:32
  You know, bigger than the humans. Yeah.
• 24:36
  Yeah. Well, we went wrong.
• 24:39
  It was not the radiation.
• 24:42
  It was not supposed to go that large.
• 24:44
  I think somebody wasn't paying attention
• 24:46
  when they were radiating these bugs.
• 24:48
  But yeah, we've got cow size, horse size bugs just running around.
• 24:52
  These people are fighting for their lives.
• 24:53
  They're they're absolutely sweating or freezing.
• 24:58
  The bugs are all different kinds.
• 24:59
  You've got giant wasps.
• 25:02
  Oh, so you said jumbo when they went one bow.
• 25:08
  Yeah, they went they went one bow.
• 25:10
  Very scientific, very scientific of you.
• 25:13
  I read the same article that Perry did on this.
• 25:16
  So and he didn't bring this up, but Alan is actually five different people.
• 25:21
  One in each leg, one in the torso, you know, one in each arm.
• 25:27
  They really seamless. Yeah.
• 25:29
  Yeah. We all fit in together really well.
• 25:32
  He's like one of those Chinese dragons.
• 25:34
  Yeah. You know where they like jump up.
• 25:36
  Yeah. Yeah. Very, very Chinese New Year's of me.
• 25:39
  Year of the Dragon.
• 25:41
  I say me and my five closest friends.
• 25:43
  It's really just five people being me.
• 25:45
  They're close only in proximity. Yeah. Yeah.
• 25:48
  When you're five people being one person,
• 25:50
  a trench coat is sort of your only option. Right.
• 25:54
  That or like a fireman's coat.
• 25:57
  And since we're not really running into any like flame retardant issues,
• 26:02
  we're just going to go with the trench coat.
• 26:04
  I did think it was a weird fashion choice to go with trench coat
• 26:06
  over a tank top and swim shorts.
• 26:09
  But I want to be able to when I get into one of those warm rooms, you know,
• 26:14
  just take off that coat and just to expose the five people that are
• 26:18
  on top of each other, like a bunch of all wearing all wearing one tank top.
• 26:28
  So what we know you as is just the head of one person.
• 26:32
  Yeah. There are four others just kind of throughout.
• 26:35
  Yeah. You've never really seen me wear shorts before.
• 26:37
  Yeah. Or short sleeves.
• 26:39
  But there's a, you know, guy on my right arm, left arm, right leg, left leg, you know,
• 26:44
  or we function as as a unit.
• 26:48
  And now it was Power Rangers kind of based off your life story
• 26:53
  or maybe you base your life story off Power Rangers.
• 26:56
  I'd love to say that they got the idea from me,
• 26:59
  but got the idea of just just putting people together, bringing people together.
• 27:04
  Yeah. And not in like a lot in like a like a dating way.
• 27:07
  Like I'm not doing like bringing five people together who have a lot of free time.
• 27:12
  And no one who's wondering where they are.
• 27:17
  And one shared vision. Yeah.
• 27:19
  One one shared vision.
• 27:21
  And that's to just be a giant person
• 27:25
  in a terrarium of giant bugs with regular size people.
• 27:31
  And if that isn't what MLK stood on that balcony
• 27:36
  to talk about, I don't know what is very good.
• 27:42
  That's that. That's it.
• 27:44
  You know, it's a hotel.
• 27:46
  I don't know that you want to stay there, but you might be fun to at least walk
• 27:49
  through, just visit if you're in town.
• 27:51
  I will not go anywhere near it.
• 27:53
  And what was the name of it again, just so we can avoid it?
• 27:56
  Hilton of bugs.
• 28:00
  That's it. That's it.
• 28:03
  Hilton's a phone. There was a lot of thought put behind that one.
• 28:06
  Marketing team got together and they slaved away for nine.
• 28:09
  The marketing team was just the five guys in your marketing team was the five guys.
• 28:13
  Pass it up.
• 28:16
  Your right leg was like, I got it.
• 28:18
  All right. Hold on.
• 28:20
  Pass a notepad up.
• 28:21
  Very good. Terrarium like hotel or regular size people.
• 28:25
  Big bug. Yeah.
• 28:26
  You and five other guys and one piece of clothing.
• 28:30
  All right, Perry.
• 28:30
  So when I go to a hotel as a guest, I mean, obviously I'm going to be pretty awesome.
• 28:35
  But I think similar to Alan, but a little bit different, less bugs.
• 28:39
  I like to bring my personal effects to fill at home because I go on vacation.
• 28:43
  Sometimes you miss you miss the house, miss the environment.
• 28:46
  People love to get away by not actually getting away.
• 28:48
  Yeah. So that's correct.
• 28:50
  To get away. I just have turned my house into a hotel.
• 28:53
  Oh, good. Yeah. You're an entrepreneur.
• 28:55
  And my wife is super on board.
• 28:57
  She loves the idea.
• 28:58
  Strangers just kind of knock on our door randomly.
• 29:01
  And our small daughter, who is not even walking yet, you know,
• 29:06
  she gets to meet a lot of new people.
• 29:07
  Young. She's not a paraplegic.
• 29:08
  That immune system is working overtime.
• 29:10
  So that's good.
• 29:11
  Going to get nice and healthy real quick.
• 29:14
  You have the people just come and cop on her.
• 29:17
  She's the greeter and shakes everybody's hand.
• 29:20
  Yeah. And so the little little bellhop.
• 29:23
  Yeah. So they'll throw a cut at her and she just gets draped over.
• 29:27
  And yeah, so we charge by the bushel and yeah,
• 29:31
  it's pretty good rates compared to market.
• 29:32
  So it's a bushel of what?
• 29:34
  What you got.
• 29:38
  Wait, so I just need a bushel of anything.
• 29:41
  We weren't looking to stay for three days, two nights.
• 29:45
  How many bushel?
• 29:48
  We're booked.
• 29:51
  Sorry. Good. How long?
• 29:52
  How long is the waitlist?
• 29:54
  The waitlist? Check my calendar.
• 29:56
  It's at least until tomorrow.
• 29:58
  So, OK, so you don't do much planning ahead.
• 30:02
  So one night at a time kind of thing.
• 30:04
  Correct. Yeah, it's just kind of ad hoc type thing.
• 30:07
  So is a pay by the hour place?
• 30:09
  No, no, no. That's down the street.
• 30:12
  We you get per night.
• 30:14
  We work on a bartering system.
• 30:16
  So what are you willing to offer me?
• 30:17
  Yeah. What do you have a bushel of Alan that you could maybe offer Perry
• 30:20
  for a night stay in his.
• 30:22
  But I've got like a bushel of just raw carrots.
• 30:25
  Is there anything you can do with that?
• 30:27
  By raw carrots, are they like good to eat or they're kind of just
• 30:31
  they're just fresh out of the ground?
• 30:32
  OK, perfect.
• 30:33
  What he means is the raw is in the wrestling organization.
• 30:37
  He's dressed them up as tiny little wrestlers.
• 30:39
  Yeah, he has names for them.
• 30:41
  But there's a bushel of them and a lot of it.
• 30:44
  Yeah, if just if you if you wrapped them up, they'd equal a bushel.
• 30:49
  Whatever that means.
• 30:51
  Well, I think you'll stay longer than the WWE carrots.
• 30:54
  So that's good. Yeah.
• 30:56
  Now, I think a bushel of carrots will get you about.
• 30:59
  Yeah, we'll say two days. Yeah. OK.
• 31:02
  Is there any like continental breakfast or anything?
• 31:04
  No, no carrots now.
• 31:05
  We have a lot of carrots.
• 31:10
  OK, but turn those around quick. Yeah.
• 31:14
  No, but yeah, now you can just enter my home and be there as a stranger.
• 31:17
  And that's fine. Just for carrots.
• 31:19
  Yeah, I mean, that's good.
• 31:20
  You'll have to take off the little luchador masks off of them.
• 31:23
  But I mean, I'll keep those on.
• 31:26
  Those are edible.
• 31:27
  Cause indigestion.
• 31:30
  I assume, you know, you check in,
• 31:32
  you see the very much underage child labor bellhop.
• 31:37
  I go up to I assume you at the front desk.
• 31:40
  That would be my wife.
• 31:41
  OK, I go up to your wife at the front desk.
• 31:43
  I give her a bushel of just computer motherboards.
• 31:47
  OK, that's one day.
• 31:49
  Oh, carrots are worth more than computer mother.
• 31:51
  Correct. If they were, I don't understand your bartering system.
• 31:54
  Is it edible is better?
• 31:56
  And well, I got to eat.
• 31:58
  That's true.
• 31:59
  Are you going to serve the computer
• 32:00
  motherboards at the continental breakfast tomorrow?
• 32:03
  No matter what somebody gives you, that's what's going to be at the bar.
• 32:06
  No, we have standards that we're going to melt those down
• 32:09
  and make the front lawn ornaments out of those.
• 32:11
  So it's a nice touch.
• 32:13
  And so I get checked into the room after my my mother board payment.
• 32:17
  What's the room look like in this five star hotel?
• 32:19
  Have you seen have you seen Fight Club?
• 32:22
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 32:23
  And you're aware of the house that they stay in during that time
• 32:27
  when they're kind of building their army.
• 32:29
  It's got a little rundown.
• 32:30
  Yeah, it's very dilapidated.
• 32:32
  Yeah, yeah, it's nicer than that.
• 32:34
  OK, so like by five star hotel, you mean you're going to look
• 32:40
  through the hole in a roof and see five stars, right?
• 32:43
  If you pay up for that suite, you will get that you will get that.
• 32:47
  That's just like one room, right?
• 32:49
  Mm hmm. Like so you have other you have other rooms in your house.
• 32:52
  People could stay under they all like that.
• 32:54
  They're not all where you can see through the ceiling.
• 32:57
  Some are on the some are on the first floor.
• 32:59
  And they're they still is dilapidated.
• 33:01
  Yeah, the ones on the first floor are one person hotel, as in you look up
• 33:05
  and you see one person through the floor or a one streetlight.
• 33:09
  Yeah, so you look out and you see one street. Sure.
• 33:12
  Yeah, it comes complimentary with your own broken glass.
• 33:15
  And if you need to use the bathroom,
• 33:17
  we have certain corners in the rooms designated.
• 33:20
  So, oh, OK, you're not letting people use the bathroom in your house.
• 33:24
  No, that's that's that's gross.
• 33:26
  Now, I'm worried that if I wake up in the middle of the night,
• 33:30
  I won't step on a heroin needle.
• 33:32
  Do I need to bring my own or will you have some there?
• 33:34
  You can special order those when you check in.
• 33:36
  I assume those are like at the the minibar.
• 33:39
  You have the heroin needles at the minibar.
• 33:40
  No, we're not very frivolous with those.
• 33:42
  You have the heroin needles at the minibar.
• 33:43
  Very frivolous with those. You have to.
• 33:45
  It's like a cot. You have to kind of special request those. OK.
• 33:48
  Now, the minibar does have fentanyl and it has
• 33:52
  it does have some used toothbrushes.
• 33:55
  Good case you're hygienic. A few other.
• 33:58
  There's a possibility that, Alan, you would order your
• 34:01
  hyper hypodermic heroin needles.
• 34:04
  And then the next day you would just open the door and start stepping.
• 34:07
  And then you would just have needles all on your feet.
• 34:09
  Is that what you're looking for?
• 34:10
  That's well, yeah.
• 34:11
  He asked for it. The place that Perry's describing
• 34:15
  really seems seems what I would call dingy.
• 34:17
  You know, there's there's certain things that I expect.
• 34:19
  Like I kind of expect there to be like cigarette butts on every surface.
• 34:23
  Sure. You know, because you're smoking them and putting them there.
• 34:27
  Yeah. Yeah. You're you're a chain smoking.
• 34:30
  You know, that's what heroin does to me.
• 34:33
  I go the other way.
• 34:34
  I do heroin and then I go to do lesser things.
• 34:36
  You only smoke like a lot of people will only smoke when they drink.
• 34:40
  You only smoke when you are doing heroin. I do.
• 34:42
  They do say heroin is a classic gateway drug. Yeah.
• 34:47
  To nicotine.
• 34:50
  We don't allow smoking, though. Oh.
• 34:56
  Taking away our freedom.
• 34:57
  Do you have seen the ads
• 34:59
  smoking kills?
• 35:01
  Do you all have any actual bed frames or is it all just stained mattresses
• 35:04
  on the floor with no bed sheets? Sure.
• 35:06
  We have we have bed frames from a recent bartering.
• 35:09
  So that we get a bushel of we got it.
• 35:12
  We got a bushel of bed frames out in the back.
• 35:16
  My daughter's put those together as we speak.
• 35:18
  So those will be available for you.
• 35:19
  She can't walk, but she's putting together beds working hard.
• 35:23
  She's doing her best.
• 35:24
  She's trying to nail in a screw. It's just not working for a classic mistake.
• 35:28
  How's the room service? What are you servicing? What?
• 35:30
  Like, you know, maybe a car.
• 35:33
  I drive the car in there, we get a oil change.
• 35:39
  We don't do that, but
• 35:42
  we do offer food service.
• 35:45
  We got lobster bisque.
• 35:47
  Wow. No way that's what it actually is, though.
• 35:49
  There's absolutely no way that's used car.
• 35:52
  We have New York strip lobster bisque, sometimes a nice
• 35:56
  I heat tuna Caesar salad.
• 35:58
  Now, let me ask you this.
• 35:59
  The New York strip, is that just you dressed as a statue of liberty, taking your clothes off?
• 36:03
  You can order it and find out.
• 36:06
  Is the lobster bisque just a crawfish in a bunch of Bisquick?
• 36:14
  It's a crazy.
• 36:16
  Yeah, it's a it's a mud daddy inside of a baked Bisquick.
• 36:21
  At least it's baked, I guess. Yeah.
• 36:24
  And then the I heat tuna, it's just a salad.
• 36:26
  Got a pool. What's the pool situation like?
• 36:29
  Pool table or swimming pool?
• 36:31
  Both. I mean, both.
• 36:32
  Yeah, we got neither. OK.
• 36:36
  We also have my daughter working on a ditch outside, so you can get in that.
• 36:41
  Your daughter is one years old.
• 36:42
  You have her. She's so productive.
• 36:44
  She got the she got those beds put together so fast.
• 36:49
  See, it's so much extra time.
• 36:50
  Nothing like a one year old doing sweat labor. Yeah.
• 36:54
  So in the John Wick Hotel, if I need a gun, they'll give it to me.
• 36:58
  Will you do that?
• 36:58
  Yeah. But we only have Nerf guns.
• 37:01
  OK. And everyone else will have real guns. So
• 37:06
  good luck. Can they use them on the hotel grounds that you can shoot
• 37:09
  into the ground? That's it.
• 37:12
  You can only aim at the ground.
• 37:14
  Yeah. That's why it's good to be on the second floor.
• 37:19
  Take them out. That's that.
• 37:20
  That sounds very good.
• 37:21
  You know, I'm going to start collecting items to eventually make a make a bushel.
• 37:25
  Yeah. So I can stay in this hotel.
• 37:27
  So as we continue, we're going to go into one of our most popular segments
• 37:31
  and one of the segments that we enjoy the most.
• 37:33
  And that's giving free wisdom out to the people in need.
• 37:38
  So let's give some people some advice.
• 37:45
  This one comes in from Tyrone.
• 37:47
  How can I enjoy school life when everyone is so shy and to themselves?
• 37:52
  I rely on people being social.
• 37:54
  So that's how I usually enjoy my school years.
• 37:57
  But my new classmates are so quiet and in their own space.
• 38:00
  I rely on people to be social guys.
• 38:02
  What do you think about that?
• 38:03
  Tyrone, you're really you're really breaking the glass ceiling of thought.
• 38:08
  Relying on people to be social.
• 38:09
  Defining what social is.
• 38:13
  All right, guys, how do you help Tyrone really break through to some shy people?
• 38:17
  How do how do y'all get through to shy people?
• 38:19
  Something that's worked for me in the past is a lot of people, they watch movies,
• 38:25
  they see things that really never come to fruition in real life.
• 38:28
  So to help them go from movie and fantasy into real life,
• 38:32
  I like to start food fights in the in the mess hall.
• 38:36
  Are you in the military?
• 38:38
  I knew I knew you're in summer camp.
• 38:43
  In the calf.
• 38:44
  Yeah, so we started a food fight and you would not believe the barriers
• 38:48
  that are broken when spaghetti is hurled at your temples.
• 38:50
  You recommend him do that in a classroom, though?
• 38:53
  No, we you're going to have to invite them to lunch at the mess hall.
• 38:57
  OK. And then and then start there.
• 38:59
  So you'd be like, hey, hey, Jimmy John, come eat with me at the mess hall.
• 39:04
  Yes, sir. You're like, yeah, Lenny, you know, come on.
• 39:08
  And then you go to the you go to the mess hall.
• 39:12
  You sit down in front of me, you just crawl some some potatoes at them.
• 39:16
  Yeah, my buddy Quizno is going to come along.
• 39:18
  And then the firehouse came.
• 39:20
  Yeah, we're not inviting Jared, are we?
• 39:26
  Oh, good advice.
• 39:28
  Assault them with food.
• 39:29
  That's your advice.
• 39:30
  Yeah, war really breaks down barriers is what I'm trying to say.
• 39:34
  All right, Alan, what's your advice to Tyrone to break through to shy people?
• 39:39
  I would say, Tyrone, you're right.
• 39:41
  It is all about you and how you feel in social situations.
• 39:44
  So I'm glad that glad that you're here.
• 39:46
  I'm aware of that. Start going up to people.
• 39:49
  If they won't talk to you, move their mouths yourself.
• 39:53
  Be a puppeteer.
• 39:55
  Just grab that jaw and just start just start moving it around.
• 39:58
  You talk to them, you know, puppeteer their mouths.
• 40:03
  He's going to be like, wow, you were saying what I was thinking as he grabs each lip.
• 40:08
  That's very good. I mean, that's one way to do it.
• 40:11
  I think that's great advice.
• 40:13
  Nothing comes out of it.
• 40:14
  I think that's great advice. Nothing connects people more than sadness.
• 40:19
  So make them feel sorry for you.
• 40:22
  Just lie to everyone and tell them that your dad died
• 40:27
  or your grandmother died or your mom died or your dog died.
• 40:30
  Just constantly.
• 40:31
  Every week, someone else in your family dies.
• 40:33
  Even if you say it's the same person died.
• 40:35
  Yeah. Just keep reiterating it.
• 40:38
  And people will be drawn to you.
• 40:39
  They will want to come for you.
• 40:41
  So like, didn't your dad die three weeks ago?
• 40:43
  The tears keep flowing.
• 40:44
  You don't have to answer them.
• 40:46
  I want to bring up the fact that this is loosely based on the plot
• 40:50
  to one of Evan's favorite movies, Saltburn.
• 40:52
  Is that is that correct?
• 40:56
  Loosely, loosely.
• 40:57
  There's a lot less penis.
• 41:00
  Unfortunately, unfortunately.
• 41:04
  Very good. Make them say you're an expert in making people feel sorry for you.
• 41:07
  A sociopath.
• 41:10
  My advice to you, Tyrone, is to use Stockholm syndrome.
• 41:13
  Now, usually this method is applied to the kidnapper and the person in prison.
• 41:19
  But I'm not going to say do that.
• 41:20
  Don't don't necessarily.
• 41:21
  I mean, you're going to kidnap them, but frame it as if you were kidnapped to build
• 41:25
  a underground cell is dingy and stark.
• 41:29
  You act like you're been a prisoner there for 50 years and you just you just become
• 41:34
  friends with him and he becomes friends with you because that's you're the only person
• 41:39
  he could become friends with because now you're locked in a cell under the ground.
• 41:45
  I see no holes in that.
• 41:46
  No issues here. OK.
• 41:50
  You do have to do one of these, Tyrone.
• 41:52
  Tyrone, now I need to legally remind you that you you legally have to do one of these.
• 41:57
  The odds are better for him, though, because we have four ideas.
• 42:00
  Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're very lucky.
• 42:02
  Somehow Food Fight is at least violent.
• 42:05
  Out of all these. And again, you can do all of them.
• 42:07
  Bonus points if you do lock them in a cell, hit them with food items,
• 42:11
  move their mouth as they're stuck in that cell with you and then be sad.
• 42:18
  All your family members are dying.
• 42:21
  Man, do them all.
• 42:23
  If you do all of them, that's very good.
• 42:25
  All right. Our next request for advice comes from Tommy.
• 42:29
  He says LinkedIn profiles overrated are worth it.
• 42:33
  Is it worth the time to build a good LinkedIn profile?
• 42:36
  Has it really made a difference for anyone?
• 42:39
  Tommy, you've come to the right place for advice on getting hired.
• 42:42
  So what do you all got for Tommy?
• 42:43
  How does he optimize his chances of getting hired?
• 42:46
  Does he need something like LinkedIn?
• 42:48
  Tommy, yeah, I would say those profiles are definitely worth it.
• 42:52
  I mean, if you're trying to become president of the United States,
• 42:55
  maybe like the 16th one, you're trying to give maybe a Gettysburg address.
• 42:59
  I would definitely have a Lincoln profile.
• 43:02
  You want a top hat kind of when they look at you from the side,
• 43:06
  you want a bigger nose and you want it pointed.
• 43:09
  So I would definitely get you a Lincoln profile.
• 43:12
  Tommy, I apologize.
• 43:13
  You have to do one of these and one of these, Evan misunderstood.
• 43:19
  Evan, your advice is to become Abraham Lincoln.
• 43:23
  Oh, yeah. If you want to if you want a Lincoln profile,
• 43:25
  you do need to become a lot more like Abraham.
• 43:27
  It makes total sense.
• 43:29
  Assuming right now you're trying to be more of an Obama.
• 43:32
  I would say a LinkedIn profile is not really that useful.
• 43:36
  I would say go back to my space.
• 43:39
  People are starting to really get back there.
• 43:40
  I think my people I know for sure me, my neighbor,
• 43:47
  the one guy that created my space is the guy that created my space.
• 43:52
  I think we're all we're all kind of there still.
• 43:55
  So I would say come on down and just see what's going on.
• 43:58
  Me and my neighbor usually sharing music back and forth.
• 44:02
  Do you want to send you his resume?
• 44:04
  Yes. Send send me your resume.
• 44:06
  We'll we'll kind of talk it over on my space.
• 44:09
  We're trying to also get my uncle in.
• 44:11
  So it's you're going to have to compete with him for if you want to be
• 44:15
  if you want to be back in my space.
• 44:16
  It's crowded in there.
• 44:17
  It's it's pretty pretty crowded.
• 44:20
  People are coming back.
• 44:22
  Is your neighbor even in your top friends?
• 44:26
  He's trying to work his way there.
• 44:27
  OK, so you just have Tom up there.
• 44:29
  Just Tom. Yeah, yeah.
• 44:30
  Yeah, I would agree with Alan that LinkedIn.
• 44:33
  No, I mean, it's just kind of yesterday.
• 44:35
  It's out. It's out the window.
• 44:38
  Alternatively, to get your your resume out there,
• 44:42
  something I've done in the past is strip down to your undies
• 44:46
  and stand over an overpass and throw your resume out
• 44:51
  as a printed version.
• 44:53
  Some of those are going to stick to windshields.
• 44:55
  And when that when that CEO of Apple driving by snags
• 44:58
  a resume on the windshield, you're in luck.
• 45:02
  And when that mama for crashes on the interstate trying to go to soccer practice,
• 45:07
  either way, you get in the press.
• 45:10
  So that's good. That's a job opening. Correct.
• 45:12
  Yeah. Oh, very good.
• 45:16
  I think very efficient.
• 45:17
  Get them out quick to the most people.
• 45:19
  Listen, Tommy, I think LinkedIn and the Internet is too far away.
• 45:23
  If you want a job, you need to get up close and personal.
• 45:26
  Glue yourself to the ceiling right above the the employer's bed.
• 45:32
  That way you are always looking down on him.
• 45:34
  And when he prays, you can catch his prayers.
• 45:43
  Like a dream catcher.
• 45:45
  It's natural. They're just saying straw.
• 45:51
  Just suck them up. Suck all his prayers up.
• 45:55
  Foolproof, Tommy, foolproof.
• 45:57
  So he's just praying you're up there.
• 45:59
  I got power.
• 46:01
  Just in your underwear, vastly shiny.
• 46:07
  Just with a catcher's mitt.
• 46:10
  Field in his dreams.
• 46:12
  Oh, God.
• 46:14
  So there you go, Tommy.
• 46:15
  Legally, again, we have to legally advise you that you have to do one of these.
• 46:20
  But all of them are possible and doable and should be done.
• 46:24
  But thank you to Tyrone and Tommy for writing in.
• 46:26
  We hope that we better your life with advice that we give.
• 46:30
  But guys, a couple more wisdoms for the Saturday workers.
• 46:33
  Let's give them a one liner wisdom.
• 46:36
  You can do a back flip anywhere you want to.
• 46:38
  But it's well known that it's more dangerous to do a front flip.
• 46:43
  That's it.
• 46:45
  I was wondering why I'm not even a broken nose.
• 46:48
  You tried to do a front flip.
• 46:49
  It didn't end well.
• 46:51
  You're going to try to do a back flip tomorrow.
• 46:52
  Like, yeah, it seems like those will go well.
• 46:54
  Yeah.
• 46:55
  I'll let you guys know how it works.
• 46:57
  It's cool to be bad to the bone if you're a biker, but it's not cool to be bad to the
• 47:03
  bone if you're a hospital patient.
• 47:05
  Yeah, that is true.
• 47:06
  Yeah.
• 47:08
  You have a lot of medical issues.
• 47:11
  LinkedIn may be for Lincoln, but it's the Chinese that put ink in my pen.
• 47:16
  What?
• 47:19
  Dr. Seuss over here.
• 47:22
  Oh, very good.
• 47:23
  Very wise.
• 47:24
  Very wise, boys.
• 47:25
  He knows where his bread's buttered.
• 47:29
  But if you need a hypothetical answer, some advice about life, if you need fun facts about
• 47:35
  a subject, if you need some prayers caught, write in.
• 47:39
  QuestionRoleDetourPodcast.gmail.com, tell your friends.
• 47:46
  Guys, y'all want to be done?
• 47:48
  Yes.
• 47:49
  Yup.
• 47:50
  On Whicherve Detour.