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The Wake Up Call You Need with Wendy Valentine |295 · Bomb Life

0:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
0:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And here's the most important part.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So think about that because what if you step fully into your light?
0:17
[SPEAKER_01]: It might mean you have to get a new job.
0:21
[SPEAKER_01]: It might mean you have to move across country.
0:23
[SPEAKER_01]: It might mean you have to file for divorce.
0:24
[SPEAKER_01]: It might mean you have to set some boundaries in your life.
0:28
[SPEAKER_01]: It might all the things that does actually require you to take some action.
0:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the Bond Life Podcast where fitness, vines, and real talk collide.
0:52
[SPEAKER_00]: This is it just about workouts.
0:53
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about transforming your body, mind, and life.
0:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Get ready for unfiltered conversations, expert advice, and the motivation you need to level up in every way.
1:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey everyone, welcome to the bomb life podcast.
1:19
[SPEAKER_00]: I am Melissa Vogue, you're host, welcome to the show.
1:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god, I am so on fire and just cannot wait to dive into today's episode because it's just that good.
1:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Hope everyone is starting to enjoy the fall.
1:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And say, no, it's coming.
1:33
[SPEAKER_00]: It's here.
1:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I enjoy it.
1:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I like it, but I'm a summer girl.
1:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I really am, but this time of year is the time of year to really start waking up and create change and I tell clients that I'm talking to right now or people that I'm doing like a discovery call with that this is the perfect time because the holidays aren't here yet, you know, if you're listening to this in real time.
1:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I know we can listen to this any time of the year, but if you're listening to this in real time, it's the perfect time because the holidays haven't hit yet.
1:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can create change and go into that season, just feeling incredible.
2:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is our first holiday.
2:05
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys, we all know what happens during that time.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And how much extra there is.
2:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes I coach my clients to really go for it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Like right now, October, November,ish time.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And then when the holidays hit, we work on maintaining that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's easier.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Then after words, you know, after January New Year's and stuff, we get right back on it and we maintain those amazing goals that we hit.
2:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So I just want you guys to start thinking about this, like what's your game plan moving for?
2:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Because staying where you're at and staying stuck and only doing what, you know, you've just been doing every single day, that should not be an option that should not be acceptable at all.
2:42
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think today is going to let a fire under your ass even more because we talk about that.
2:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I like you only get one life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: This is it you guys.
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[SPEAKER_00]: This is what you get to do.
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[SPEAKER_00]: This is the life that you get to live.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're not living it to your fullest potential, if you're not taking a look like, God, what do I need to change?
2:57
[SPEAKER_00]: What do I need to break free from?
2:58
[SPEAKER_00]: What adjustment do I need to make?
3:00
[SPEAKER_00]: What are we doing?
3:01
[SPEAKER_00]: What are we even doing?
3:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And I love having people on like my guest today that
3:07
[SPEAKER_00]: have these conversations with me and is willing to share what they've been through that got them to where they're at now.
3:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know some of you are going through really hard times.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I know some of you are just you've been at your lowest point, some of you are at your heaviest point.
3:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And we are both here today, I guess tonight, to wake you up and show you and prove to you
3:32
[SPEAKER_00]: This doesn't have to be the way it is, and fear doesn't have to guide you.
3:36
[SPEAKER_00]: And like you've heard me say before in other episodes, do it scared.
3:39
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to do it scared.
3:40
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to give up the people pleasing and we're going to move forward anyway.
3:44
[SPEAKER_00]: So make sure you check out the show notes, go to the links, book a call with me, book a discovery call, shoot me a DM.
3:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm here to help, and that discovery call, man, they have looked so different for some people.
3:55
[SPEAKER_00]: some people were diving into like what their training needs look like other people were getting on and we're mapping out what their next steps look like.
4:01
[SPEAKER_00]: They've just been so different.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I love them.
4:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Keep them coming.
4:04
[SPEAKER_00]: But always go to the show now.
4:05
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to put links in there too for our guests how you connect with them get their incredible book that you can get paper or you can get the audible version too, which I love.
4:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm
4:15
[SPEAKER_00]: big on audible books never miss a show notes and because there's always tools in there that can help you live your best life ever.
4:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, are you ready?
4:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Today we have Wendy Valentine on and she is a reinvention expert.
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[SPEAKER_00]: empowerment coach and the author of women waking up the mid-life manifesto for passion, purpose and play.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She's also the creator and host of the mid-life makeover show, the number one podcast inspiring women worldwide to embrace midlife as a powerful new beginning.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And she navigated divorce, metapods, job loss, debt, and empty-ness, all at once.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And Wendy stopped living on autopilot.
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[SPEAKER_00]: She started designing a life that finally felt like her
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[SPEAKER_00]: fuels everything she does and now Wendy helps women kick fear to the curb and reconnect to their purpose and create bold joyful fuel lives through her book through her freedom coaching method and her transformational programs you guys she's incredible this episode is going to below you away and really honestly wake you up all right go to the show notes click listen
5:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey everyone, welcome to the bomb life podcast.
5:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Today we have Wendy Valentine on welcome to the show, Wendy.
5:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's great to be here.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I got it.
5:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I can already talk about a bomb life.
5:48
[SPEAKER_00]: How about all of it?
5:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I can already tell we're going to be best friends.
5:52
[SPEAKER_00]: It could be.
5:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Dude, you are like amazing.
5:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you are a podcast host.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You guys have to check out her show the midlife make over show.
6:00
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you are an empowerment coach.
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[SPEAKER_00]: You are an author.
6:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, girl, what don't you do?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Seriously.
6:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
6:07
[SPEAKER_01]: doing it all and then love it.
6:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I know what I love it.
6:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I finally love what I do.
6:12
[SPEAKER_01]: So it doesn't I'm sure for you, too, right?
6:14
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't even feel like it's like a hobby.
6:17
[SPEAKER_01]: It's awesome.
6:18
[SPEAKER_01]: But yes, I actually love everything that I'm doing and just having a blast promoting the book and putting everything out there and using my voice, which is nice in the world.
6:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's kind of a first for me.
6:30
[SPEAKER_01]: It was scary at first, but I got through it.
6:32
[SPEAKER_01]: And you like, do this whole motor home thing and you live, is it Portugal?
6:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so I'm actually on the island of Medera Portugal.
6:42
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, which I can tell you like the back-back story and how I got into the RV, but yes, I RVed for years and you know, across the US.
6:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I was like, you know what, why stay here when I, I had already sold everything.
6:57
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was like, you know what, I'm just going to move to an island and just have a blast.
7:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what I do now.
7:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that.
7:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I need so jealous.
7:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, how do I get to get?
7:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
7:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I've actually had some of my podcast guests come here to Medera to visit my dog.
7:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Right off.
7:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I don't right.
7:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I'm dying to know like your history, your background because you're so big on, you know, that midlife like that turning point of your life and I can completely relate like girl 17 year marriage three kids my life completely changed and flipped upside down about six years ago and everyone used that verbage of like, oh, she's having midlife crisis.
7:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, no, I'm fucking waking up.
7:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, excuse me.
7:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so glad you used the F bomb on the bomb.
7:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I couldn't open, I had to come out.
7:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, thank God, I can guess a little bit.
7:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
7:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you know what, don't get, I, I don't know about you, but especially the guests that I've had on my show, I have found like there's one common thread with all of us and that we're teachers of what we have lived and what we have learned.
8:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And where are you like where are my own guinea pigs and whether you're a coach or it doesn't matter what you do in life that is the key is that you become your own coach you end up learning whatever it is in life and you teach that to yourself right like that's the beauty of it like embracing the crap in life any stage that you're in and going okay what can I learn from us.
8:28
[SPEAKER_01]: right.
8:28
[SPEAKER_01]: So a little bit of backstory for me is on 52 now and age of 45 seven years ago.
8:35
[SPEAKER_01]: It's everyone get out the violin.
8:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
8:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
8:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
8:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
8:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
8:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait
8:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm just for fun.
8:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to toss in a little minute of pause into that.
9:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Chronicles.
9:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, just for fun.
9:03
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, just just for the night sweats.
9:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And within a six week period, my dog died, my cat died, and then my brother died.
9:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my god, absolute insanity.
9:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And actually, I was the one to kind of like tell the doctor with all three of them, like, okay, it's time.
9:21
[SPEAKER_01]: We need to let them go.
9:22
[SPEAKER_01]: So that was a little rough.
9:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And needless to say, I went into a massive depression, anxiety, panic attacks from, you know, especially witnessed the mass surprised.
9:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so hot mess expressed for me.
9:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, 45 years old and I found myself literally laying on the bathroom floor.
9:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what it is, especially with women.
9:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Why are we always like crying on the bathroom?
9:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Or what is it about an hour?
9:50
[SPEAKER_01]: It's cold tile.
9:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, it feels good with the hot flashes.
9:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And I thought it was like, what is, what am I doing?
9:58
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it was like, one of those moments I was like, I'm going to be trained 50 in a few years.
10:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Like my life is a total rack.
10:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
10:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I had this vision of driving an RV across the country
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[SPEAKER_01]: I thought, well, that'd be kind of cool.
10:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you just escaped like just that hell out of here.
10:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I was like, wait a second, girl, you have no money.
10:22
[SPEAKER_01]: You have no job.
10:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't afford to get an RV.
10:26
[SPEAKER_01]: What would you do once you get into the RV?
10:28
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to job all the things.
10:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And then it was like, wow, lot, lot, lot.
10:34
[UNKNOWN]: And then,
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[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if he ever saw the episode, George Costanza on Seinfeld when he did office a day.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Do you remember that?
10:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it's very nice.
10:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, whatever you've been doing, it hasn't been working, and so wanting to do the opposite.
10:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Completely opposite, got it.
10:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, what if I just did the opposite of everything, because nothing had been working out well for me?
10:54
[SPEAKER_01]: My relationships, my health, my finances and everything was messed up.
10:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, what if I just took a totally different approach, right?
11:03
[SPEAKER_01]: The road lasts traveled and what if I just went for it?
11:08
[SPEAKER_01]: What if I literally just designed a new woman, a new life, a new everything?
11:14
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like my own, like, I'm going to be my own guinea pig and this will be a fun little experiment.
11:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I sat there thinking about this whole dream of driving an RB across the country.
11:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, that would be so much fun, but you know what I was excited about?
11:31
[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't so much the sleek motorhome or driving into the desert sunset.
11:37
[SPEAKER_01]: It was more so the woman behind the steering wheel.
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[SPEAKER_01]: The woman literally, in the driver's seat, driving her own life, finally in charge of her life and of herself.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And I got so excited thinking about, why do what would be like to be happy?
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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm truly happy, not be as happy.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Healthy, grateful, financially free, doing what I love for the first time in my life.
12:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And that really, really excited me.
12:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, you know what, I was going to go for it, and I got up that day, I'll never forget.
12:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I have to start somewhere.
12:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And my first thought was, well, girl, you got to get a job.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's important.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's important.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So send my resume out the next day, didn't even have a resume.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I had one of those companies online got a resume sent it out to anywhere all over the country.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I was living in Virginia at the time.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I was willing at that point to move anywhere.
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[SPEAKER_01]: a week later, I get a job offer in Chicago, Illinois.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I had never lived there, and it was to sell new construction houses in the suburbs of Chicago.
12:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I don't know how to sell houses.
12:54
[SPEAKER_01]: But, I don't know, there's this term in yoga.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's called Drishty.
12:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh yeah.
12:59
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you're doing tree pose and you're focusing on something on the wall, that was my focal point.
13:05
[SPEAKER_01]: My focal point was me, it was that happy, healthy woman behind that steering wheel.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, I'm gonna do this.
13:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I just felt,
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[SPEAKER_01]: lead.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's amazing.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Like once you make the decision to get out of your own way and to put yourself first, the shit just falls in your lap without even trying.
13:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's just like, oh, okay, here we go.
13:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Here we go.
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[SPEAKER_01]: This is it.
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[SPEAKER_01]: And you just have to trust, right?
13:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Now to say leap in the net will appear.
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[SPEAKER_01]: So sure enough, four weeks later, I packed up a
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[SPEAKER_01]: move over a weekend.
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[SPEAKER_01]: I started my job on Monday.
13:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, probably 152 underground in debt.
13:52
[SPEAKER_01]: So I had to chip away at that amount of debt first, right?
13:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Within a year to two years, not only did I get rid of all of that debt, but I saved up another
14:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And, and I'm kind of like jumping ahead, but in between that time, I started concentrating more on my health.
14:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I ended up ordering, like, those, those, the meal prep things were like, you, you know, they can't I can't remember.
14:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah, yeah, I've heard the meals to your house.
14:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, what, whatever I can do to make it easy on me.
14:28
[SPEAKER_01]: To eat healthy, whole foods, plant-based, I did all the things.
14:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Seats therapy for the panic attacks and anxiety and the depression started journaling, meditating, doing all those boring basic things that we don't really want to do, but we know it will move the needle or health and well-being.
14:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And slowly but surely, and within two years,
14:56
[SPEAKER_01]: and took off across the country and then started the mid-life makeover show podcast.
15:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I got a book deal for and then it was just again everything just starts aligning.
15:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I just I have to say like as you're telling your story like you're making me sweat.
15:12
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm having this like response to your story for some reason.
15:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's like exciting and I mean, triggering it the same time.
15:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know why because I can completely relate to a lot, but I know there's people listening that are going like, how, but how I am so afraid to take the next step with, maybe their career or like leaving a marriage that they know is not serving them.
15:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And they're just listening to this going, oh my god, how did she do it?
15:35
[SPEAKER_00]: And how do you have that leap of faith?
15:37
[SPEAKER_00]: What would you say to that woman that's sitting there going
15:40
[SPEAKER_00]: That's great for her, but that can never be me.
15:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I never make that happen.
15:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I had those same thoughts, right?
15:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, I could have not there on the bathroom floor, right?
15:52
[SPEAKER_01]: If you think about it, it takes more energy.
15:56
[SPEAKER_01]: to stay down in the dumps, rather than to get your ass up off of that floor, pull up your bootstraps and get at it.
16:05
[SPEAKER_01]: It's either the same amount of energy or honestly, I think it's more staying down and still standing in your own way.
16:12
[SPEAKER_01]: There's just one of my favorite quotes, totally changed my life.
16:17
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a few quotes, but Mary Ann Williamson.
16:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
16:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
16:25
[SPEAKER_01]: And here's the most important part.
16:27
[SPEAKER_01]: It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
16:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So think about that, because what if you step fully into your light?
16:39
[SPEAKER_01]: It might mean you have to get a new job.
16:42
[SPEAKER_01]: It might mean you have to move across country.
16:44
[SPEAKER_01]: It might mean you have to file for divorce.
16:45
[SPEAKER_01]: It might mean you have to set some boundaries in your life.
16:49
[SPEAKER_01]: It might all the things that does actually require you to take some action.
16:55
[SPEAKER_01]: So the darkness might seem like, oh my God, it's so scary but actually it can be comfortable.
17:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, for sure.
17:02
[SPEAKER_01]: The darkness is very familiar.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It's predictable.
17:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, even depression anxiety, it's you know it's there.
17:10
[SPEAKER_01]: It's almost like the weird ironic comfort blanket.
17:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah.
17:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm always reminded.
17:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Our brain loves what's familiar.
17:20
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, no, yes.
17:21
[SPEAKER_00]: And in that dark place, even though it's not healthy for us, we're like, oh, but it's familiar.
17:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know how to navigate.
17:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I bet the floor.
17:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I know how to navigate that.
17:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I should.
17:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and here's one of the most one of the most important things I did for myself back then.
17:38
[SPEAKER_01]: It was to become my own BFF.
17:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I was not.
17:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, our minds will either be, it'll either be your best friend or your worst enemy.
17:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And you get to decide.
17:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and until you get quiet enough and brave enough to listen to how you speak to yourself.
17:57
[SPEAKER_01]: about your body, about your life, about your career, about everything, and you have to flip that switch.
18:05
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to change that script because think of it like the news, right?
18:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You have the ticker tape going across like on the front of your mind, right?
18:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Is that bad news?
18:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it good news?
18:18
[SPEAKER_01]: What's going on in there, right?
18:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And pay attention, if you're
18:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's subconscious, right?
18:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You might end up saying to yourself, oh, I got to keep believe you did that again.
18:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my God, you're such an idiot.
18:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my gosh, look at you.
18:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I get, oh, don't want you know.
18:32
[SPEAKER_01]: You just have to stop it.
18:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Stop that ticker tape.
18:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Toss that negative thought out the window and replace it with something positive and powering because you deserve it, right?
18:43
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just, it's,
18:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
18:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I think one of the things that I'm grateful for of the many losses that I've experienced in my life like my first husband died at the age of 26 years old and my brother died at the age of 49 and there's plenty of others that I lost and what I think like an early age you get this tiny
19:08
[SPEAKER_01]: lifetime, but then these parentheses, like, what are you going to do with it?
19:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
19:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And then eventually it's like you're going to wake up.
19:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You could be 60, 70, 80, and you could still be doing some kick-ass things in your life, but like, let's go.
19:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
19:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't know.
19:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
19:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm grateful that I'm at midlife.
19:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, and that's why I'm like, what's so bad about midlife?
19:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, my ex has one, but would be like, oh my god, that's great.
19:35
[SPEAKER_01]: You made it to midlife, you know, like, right, right.
19:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
19:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So no, midlife is not a, not a crisis.
19:42
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a catalyst.
19:43
[SPEAKER_01]: And if anything, midlife is that time when life strips away the the rules and the expectations that we've carried for so long like this is who I am as a mother this is who I am as a friend yeah partner and how this is how I am in my career.
20:11
[SPEAKER_01]: it's the perfect time to get on us with yourself and ask yourself the questions like who do I want to be?
20:18
[SPEAKER_01]: What are my beliefs?
20:20
[SPEAKER_01]: What are my values?
20:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Where are the other gifts and strengths that I've been pushing down for the last few decades, either because I had to or I wanted to, whatever, right?
20:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Really, really take a look at who you want to be and what you want to do.
20:37
[SPEAKER_01]: What chapter you're in in your life?
20:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk about the like the expectations that I guys said never thought about that before of like how many expectations you're expected to graduate high school you're expected to graduate college by this time you're expected to like kind of have kids around this time of the age and be married and have a like you should be at this level all these stages of life all the shins yeah and at this time it's like those expectations are gone like now you get to decide what you do at the
21:07
[SPEAKER_00]: I love this.
21:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, your book.
21:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
21:10
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm in waking up.
21:12
[SPEAKER_00]: What made you decide to write this book?
21:14
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, you know what?
21:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna write the book.
21:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna do this.
21:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what get you to that point?
21:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Great question.
21:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And honestly, God, this was the book I needed.
21:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I did.
21:25
[SPEAKER_01]: If I had yourself like you needed it, you're saying that's like, I need, when I was 45, I was in D. I needed this freaking book so bad.
21:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And I did.
21:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I, that same day where I was booing on the bathroom floor, I went to Barnes and Noble, got my little latte and I'm walking around and I'm like, stop it for me, oh my God, I'm right all those bugs, you know?
21:49
[SPEAKER_01]: want another woman out there to feel lost, stuck and visible or even just a little bit dissatisfied.
21:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want that for her and I might be partial but what I love about my book is that it's less fluff and more formula.
22:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You get to hear, you know, you get to read about my story but it's probably 30% memoir and it's 70% guidebook.
22:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Because one thing I've noticed, and I'm, I mean, I'm a self-help guru, right?
22:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I love all the books that are, like, there's some amazing books out there, but like, tell me how you did that.
22:28
[SPEAKER_01]: That's cool.
22:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so we can rewire a brain cool.
22:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, how do you do that?
22:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I can actually get rid of these limiting beliefs that I've been like dragging around for decades.
22:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, let me how to do that.
22:41
[SPEAKER_01]: How do I get out of this, you know, crappy relationship.
22:44
[SPEAKER_01]: How do I actually set boundaries?
22:46
[SPEAKER_01]: How do I no longer get triggered anymore by these emotions and these people in situation.
22:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
22:52
[SPEAKER_01]: So I just, I wanted to like jam-pack it into these, you know, 250 pages so that, I mean, I'm, I could be for any age.
23:02
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't matter.
23:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, oh, sure.
23:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I can see that.
23:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
23:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I mean, they really wanted the, the women waking up on their own.
23:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine it.
23:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You had that in your 20s.
23:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I know.
23:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, your old reading the book actually should.
23:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
23:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So that then when they do get to
23:22
[SPEAKER_01]: they're not going to be in such shock exactly like oh yeah when you said this is coming yes so coolio yeah here we go I'm there yeah I mean it's that's life right it's even the the Perry menopause and the menopause that we're hearing I don't know about your thread but good night
23:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that you said that like your book is like, I needed this.
23:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And then because that is like how the best programs, the best like coaches, the best books are written from like what we need it.
24:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's like the same thing I think of with my program and how I coach because I'm like, what did I need?
24:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, this is right here.
24:11
[SPEAKER_00]: That is exactly what I needed.
24:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So this is what I'm going to create.
24:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is how I'm going to help people.
24:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And then obviously it's tweaked and changing everything, but I'm like, I have groundwork.
24:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And now I can do what you said, like,
24:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Tell me how to do it.
24:24
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, if I want to look or think or feel or act of this certain way, how would I step?
24:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, yeah, and you know what, I ended up when I came up with the idea of the book, I love acronyms.
24:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I have a thing.
24:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I see.
24:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
24:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't even remember.
24:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And I felt like, what did I truly want?
24:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I was asked myself, like, what did I truly want?
24:45
[SPEAKER_01]: When I set off in this whole journey?
24:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was freedom.
24:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was just freedom to be me, freedom from the self-doubt, freedom from the perfectionism that I had for my whole life, the people pleasing and the approval seeking and God, and the freedom from toxic relationships, freedom from all of that.
25:07
[SPEAKER_01]: So,
25:08
[SPEAKER_01]: freedom.
25:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, that's the word.
25:10
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the acronym.
25:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I started thinking of a, like, what were the steps that I took?
25:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And I, in the RV, sitting there in Malavu, California overlooking the ocean, I came up with the freedom framework.
25:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And I looked back in those two years, two plus years of my life.
25:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, how did they do that?
25:28
[SPEAKER_01]: How did I become my own best friend?
25:30
[SPEAKER_01]: How did I get this job?
25:31
[SPEAKER_01]: How did I do all the things?
25:34
[SPEAKER_01]: How did I overcome all of that, limiting beliefs?
25:37
[SPEAKER_01]: How did they do it?
25:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And then boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
25:40
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25:42
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27:10
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27:15
[SPEAKER_00]: You give such hope, you know, because we just, we just don't have women like you out there speaking and talking and sharing and honestly I say this with like the fitness industry and I see trainers out there training and they'll be just like doing the same thing other clients and I'm like, why aren't you talking about this?
27:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Why aren't you talking about the mindset shift?
27:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Why aren't you talking about their identity?
27:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you're just out there doing like whatever and I look at them and I'm like it's because you haven't gone through.
27:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, he just like you haven't done the mental shift yourself.
27:45
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're just teaching him the physical, which maybe the physical stuff you're doing.
27:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's the same thing with like influencers and people that are out there like we don't hear many stories like yours because they haven't done the work.
27:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, better fact.
27:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't feel like you.
27:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I've actually had people asking me like, what are your credentials?
28:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, my life.
28:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, name the problem.
28:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm probably been through it and I am found a solution for it, you know?
28:17
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think it's, there was one of your podcast episodes I was listening to and you were talking about how there's
28:25
[SPEAKER_01]: It's one of the different opinions out there.
28:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Right?
28:28
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you eat?
28:28
[SPEAKER_01]: How to move your body?
28:30
[SPEAKER_01]: How to do this?
28:30
[SPEAKER_01]: How to raise a family?
28:32
[SPEAKER_01]: There's, I mean, we are not, you know, limited on what we can find.
28:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's right there on our way home.
28:38
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a ton.
28:40
[SPEAKER_01]: It's great, but it's overwhelming.
28:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, person, you need to listen to is yourself.
28:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Like absorb, absorb the knowledge.
28:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm, cool, cool, cool.
28:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, got it, got it, apply some of that knowledge.
28:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, is it working for you?
28:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you like it?
28:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you not like, is it good for your body?
29:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it good for your mind?
29:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Is it good for your life, your family, your relationships?
29:06
[SPEAKER_01]: We really get to know yourself.
29:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know myself.
29:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I literally did not fall in love with myself until 50 years old seriously.
29:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
29:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And that crazy?
29:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm so glad that I finally did, right?
29:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
29:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to share because this is probably the biggest aha moment of my entire life if something else can top it, I would be shocked.
29:29
[SPEAKER_01]: But 50 years old, again, back in Malibu, I love that RB Park there.
29:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's where Matthew McConaughey says.
29:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was getting enough for Matthew.
29:39
[SPEAKER_01]: It's good enough for me.
29:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Anyways, I'm sitting there at the RV park, sitting on top of the picnic table, watching a sunset there over the ocean.
29:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And little backstory, I was abandoned when I was a little girl.
29:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And from that moment, I feared being abandoned.
29:58
[SPEAKER_01]: No matter who it was or what it was, I always fear was always in the back of my mind.
30:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna be abandoned, I'm gonna be abandoned.
30:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And because of that, I became a really good people pleaser, a perfectionist, a approval seeker, because I was trying to protect myself so that I would not get abandoned.
30:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I realized that fine day, watching the sunset, it's like, wait a second, I became my greatest fear because it wasn't so much that fearing of others leaving me, I was abandoning myself.
30:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I was not stepping into my light.
30:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I was not allowing Wendy to shine and to do her thing to be become a writer, to go, do whatever she wanted to do.
30:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I was abandoning myself.
30:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So that day, I probably looked like a crazy person I didn't care.
30:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I had a little conversation with Lou Wendy.
30:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Little nine-year-old Wendy, I was like, oh, well, yeah, I was like, I got you.
30:57
[SPEAKER_01]: You do not take off the armor.
31:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I got you.
31:01
[SPEAKER_01]: You can just relax.
31:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to band in you anymore because we're going to kick ass.
31:09
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to have fun.
31:10
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to have a bomb life.
31:11
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to just go all out because why not?
31:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
31:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, what's the worst second happen?
31:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's just, I don't know, you're carrying so much that about yourself and about your life that you don't care about the dumb shit anymore.
31:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, my god, I love being that you're bringing up like inner child and like speaking or that went back.
31:35
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, well, we don't realize how much they like I was going to like the bus and they like climb the seats and they get in the driver seat.
31:41
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're like, I'm a grown-ass woman, but like 10-year-old me is driving this bus and she's driving it away because she's afraid she's going to get left behind or abandoned or a bit of it speaks to me.
31:51
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't believe it.
31:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I know, right?
31:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, girl.
31:55
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
31:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I know, right?
31:58
[SPEAKER_01]: And then it's amazing how you'll go through years, decades.
32:04
[SPEAKER_01]: of allowing something, whether you know it or realize it or not, right, allowing something to control you.
32:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
32:11
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's not your fault.
32:12
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not like it just happens.
32:15
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think the the quieter you get, the more you become your own best friend, the more that you really get to know yourself, the more you give yourself permission to live your life and to be you.
32:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
32:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Holy synchronicity, and I would piphany, it's like, oh, God, I mean, I think it's Einstein that said, like, once your mind goes to a certain level, it can't go back, you can't reverse that.
32:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Like that epiphany in that moment will never be taken away for me.
32:47
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, that's why I didn't like.
32:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, go ahead.
32:54
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I was just going to say, but what if going back to that moment on the bathroom floor, if I had just been like, oh, well, I'll just stay down here and stay in my little dark comfort zone.
33:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Enough, I'm not of this.
33:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't be sitting there talking to you.
33:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
33:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll share my story when I'm on your show because you guys, I'm coming on the midlife makeover show.
33:14
[SPEAKER_00]: So tune in there.
33:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Would you like to be like part one and I'd be like part two.
33:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah.
33:19
[SPEAKER_00]: But that like low level,
33:24
[SPEAKER_00]: But I've been there too.
33:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm for Michigan.
33:28
[SPEAKER_00]: So we had basements out there in California.
33:30
[SPEAKER_00]: We don't have them here.
33:31
[SPEAKER_00]: But I know you mean of like that path of like, I remember that deciding moment of like, you can either do this or you can do that.
33:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
33:39
[SPEAKER_00]: And had I made the other choice which I totally could have it was way more appealing like at the moment.
33:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I wouldn't be here today.
33:46
[SPEAKER_00]: I would not be doing what I'm doing now in the growth that I have and helping the people like we just we wouldn't be here.
33:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and you give yourself a chance, right?
33:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, give yourself a chance.
33:57
[SPEAKER_01]: This is this, I'm like full of quotes today.
33:59
[SPEAKER_01]: And the one, well, it's obviously, what will you do?
34:01
[SPEAKER_01]: What will you do with your one wild precious life?
34:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't remember who said that.
34:05
[SPEAKER_01]: But Ryan, you get one, like this is it.
34:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Just, I don't know, I can't, there's a need, there's so much urgency now.
34:13
[SPEAKER_01]: to just reach girl.
34:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I feel you and I have clients and people that I talk to like just like a discovery call or people in my DMs and stuff and I'm just like how much longer are you going to fucking sit here like you know and they list all the reasons why they're miserable.
34:31
[SPEAKER_00]: All the things that aren't working and tears come and a lot of the time it turns into like I've never actually said this to anyone before like they're revealing things to me that they never set out loud and then I'm like yeah let's go and I'm like building this army and then when it comes time to move, they don't move and I'm like yes, why do you think that is?
34:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, fear.
34:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, 100% it's fair.
34:54
[SPEAKER_00]: But then people will use money.
34:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Number one, people will use money first.
35:00
[SPEAKER_00]: That this is why I can't do anything.
35:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, it's an easy thing to stand.
35:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Stand behind.
35:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
35:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, physically I don't see the money there.
35:08
[SPEAKER_00]: So then I can't do it or like whatever, but that's always a thing.
35:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, my God.
35:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, the sounds great.
35:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I want all of this, but I can't afford it.
35:15
[SPEAKER_00]: But and I think I am like if we remove that like what's really going on and a lot of the time it's like, if I become a different person or other so many things, but if I become a different person will he still love me, well I still love myself will I be accepted in my community, well I still have the same friends what my parents say.
35:34
[SPEAKER_00]: People don't want to operate as a new healthy fit person.
35:38
[SPEAKER_00]: They only know how to operate as like the 30-pound mom blog.
35:41
[UNKNOWN]: You know what?
35:42
[UNKNOWN]: Yeah.
35:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, and you can relate to this with the fear of abandonment, right?
35:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
35:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Because that, okay, if I step into my life, yeah, I might lose this relationship.
35:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I might lose a lot of relationships.
35:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And I did, and there was the best gain.
35:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my wife.
35:59
[SPEAKER_01]: We've seen some of it.
36:01
[SPEAKER_01]: You'll realize who really unconditionally loves you.
36:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you're making me cry.
36:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You're crying.
36:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
36:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it's not the number one regret of the dying is living life for others.
36:17
[SPEAKER_01]: So when they surveyed all these people on their deathbed, what's your number one regret?
36:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I was living life for everybody else.
36:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's just, I don't want to be like that.
36:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I saw it about, I was like, I want to be on my deathbed going, I'll slay that mother.
36:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm ready.
36:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Take me Jesus.
36:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I lived the ball of life.
36:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I went balls out.
36:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's better to say that and to feel that, rather than going, oh, what a shoulda cut a. Yeah.
36:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
36:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, that was a brief, a life there.
36:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, it got to go.
36:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
36:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Why not?
36:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And here's the thing, was I fearful during that whole time?
36:56
[SPEAKER_01]: Hell, yes, I was.
36:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, y'all should've seen me, it's in the book.
37:00
[SPEAKER_01]: When I talk about when I went to go get the, like, it was time to get the RV.
37:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I sold everything.
37:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I went from 5,000 square feet to 100.
37:09
[SPEAKER_01]: A hundred square feet.
37:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I saw a RV now.
37:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I know.
37:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I still have it to.
37:15
[SPEAKER_01]: She's in Atlanta right now.
37:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Felicia is in Atlanta and storage waiting for me, but I mean, I had to go talk about decluttering, but not some, you know, decluttering my mind decluttering relationships decluttering stuff and, you know, it's hard.
37:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I remember sitting in there in my empty apartment in Chicago, and I, I'm an organized freak.
37:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I mean, I'm like a label, everything, I had everything ready to, I had bins set aside.
37:54
[SPEAKER_01]: This is what's going in the RV, this done, I had everything and I'm sitting there with my, I had one plant left out.
38:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm holding a plant.
38:02
[SPEAKER_01]: like shit, it's like the time has come, Wendy.
38:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, it is time.
38:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You have the money in the bank.
38:09
[SPEAKER_01]: You've gotten rid of everything.
38:11
[SPEAKER_01]: You're good to go.
38:12
[SPEAKER_01]: And I already had, you know, I had already designed the podcast.
38:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I had that ready to go.
38:15
[SPEAKER_01]: The website was ready.
38:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, it's time.
38:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I just started bowling again.
38:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh my gosh, am I going to do this because now I'm and I was voluntarily putting myself into unemployment.
38:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I was making us killer money.
38:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I was finally like, okay, everything like, why would I mess it up?
38:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And I thought, I had zero regrets in my life up to that moment.
38:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, if I don't do this for me, I know all regretting, because I will wonder, what if I had gotten that RV?
38:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So there was one RV left, the one that I wanted in the whole country, one left.
38:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And I called all around the country.
38:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And I found one in Nashville, Tennessee.
38:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I call in the manager.
39:00
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, this is Randy.
39:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, Randy, I'm looking for the 2022 Thor Dolana, a 24 FB black blue stripes.
39:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Again, got one right here.
39:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I go don't shoot their cell that thing.
39:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm flying down tomorrow.
39:11
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, oh, guy, I'll save it for you.
39:13
[SPEAKER_01]: So I fly down there on a Friday, my day off.
39:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I drive it back on Saturday.
39:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Saturday is in pouring rain.
39:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I never driven RV didn't know what the hell I was doing.
39:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh my God, I'm a Dolan with God.
39:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my God.
39:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm driving this RV from Nashville, Tennessee, Chicago, Monday morning, I walked in and resigned for my job.
39:36
[SPEAKER_01]: God, and been like five days later, I take off, and the RV.
39:42
[SPEAKER_01]: But you know, so again, the point is, was I fearful?
39:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Hell yes, absolutely.
39:49
[SPEAKER_01]: But the same way, you know, if I had a jar of courage right here, I'm like, Here you go, Melissa, yours your jar of courage.
39:57
[SPEAKER_01]: No, you have to fill up your jar of courage and you do that by taking action.
40:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And it doesn't matter how small the step is or how big the step is, right?
40:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, yes.
40:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Actually, I think the podcast episode of yours I was listening to is the lady that did Mount Everest.
40:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, Jen, yes.
40:17
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
40:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Jen, she wrote break point, break proof, break proof.
40:22
[SPEAKER_00]: Jen, yes.
40:23
[SPEAKER_01]: She was like, she would do you have it.
40:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So, yes, who's a her, is that who you're thinking?
40:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it might be another one that she had to do it within a day and then back or something like that.
40:31
[SPEAKER_01]: It might have been Jen.
40:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Jen's been all I showed to, but anyways, point is one step at a time.
40:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
40:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
40:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, a bold step for me today is okay.
40:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I was just on good day New York right in person on live TV freaking holy crap.
40:49
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a bold move for me today seven years to go.
40:54
[SPEAKER_01]: The bold move was literally getting out of bed and taking a shower.
40:59
[SPEAKER_01]: That was my bold move.
41:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So it does, you know, we live in the world of comparisons, especially with Instagram and all the stuff.
41:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Stop the comparison because you are you.
41:11
[SPEAKER_01]: get real with you, get to know you.
41:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And whatever, just ask yourself, what is one bold move I can make today?
41:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if it is, you know what?
41:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm starting more water.
41:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Cool, great.
41:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's bold move, right?
41:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna go to the gym.
41:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to read a book on whatever.
41:30
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the every step is like don't discount.
41:36
[SPEAKER_01]: your bold moves, right?
41:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, don't think that you have to do something so grand because I was, you know, what is it?
41:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Pralysis by analysis, right?
41:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, as a perfectionist, I was like, if I don't have everything perfectly planned out from point A to point C, the week don't, we don't even start it.
41:55
[SPEAKER_01]: No, there were so many projects I did not start because I was like, I don't have it.
42:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll figure it out.
42:01
[SPEAKER_01]: But that's the beauty of it.
42:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
42:04
[SPEAKER_01]: You figure the shit out as you go along as you go.
42:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You're out.
42:09
[SPEAKER_01]: How to don't the dump or in the RV.
42:12
[SPEAKER_01]: You figure out a necessity or the generator.
42:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what the hell.
42:17
[SPEAKER_01]: But you know what's so funny though when you start to when you put yourself out there no matter how small you get like the tiniest things are like,
42:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I did that.
42:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I did that.
42:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, oh my god, I fixed that or yes, I actually took care of my body today and I was really grateful.
42:36
[SPEAKER_01]: All these little things just kind of like very rarely do we pat ourselves on the back and congratulate ourselves.
42:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
42:43
[SPEAKER_00]: it's crazy how many clients I talked to and they're like, I never celebrate myself.
42:49
[SPEAKER_00]: I've never celebrated like a huge win before or me hitting a goal.
42:55
[SPEAKER_00]: It's always like, no, you should have done that.
42:57
[SPEAKER_00]: You should have done that five years ago, but okay, well, we're here now, but great.
43:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, what's your next goal?
43:02
[SPEAKER_00]: And no one pauses and been like,
43:04
[SPEAKER_00]: who's really good.
43:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I know.
43:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, congratulate yourself.
43:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, a matter of small and well, yeah, a journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.
43:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Just take a step, just take a step.
43:18
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't even have to be a perfect step.
43:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, allow yourself to be messy with it.
43:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Because that's where that's where the wisdom comes from, right?
43:27
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, I love the metaphor of a
43:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you cut the top of that Christmas off and you're like, I'm going to help this butterfly, I want to fly early and you take the butterfly out.
43:42
[SPEAKER_01]: The butterfly would actually be deformed and it would die.
43:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
43:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So the butterfly has to struggle.
43:50
[SPEAKER_01]: It pumps the blood into its wings.
43:52
[SPEAKER_01]: It has to struggle to push itself out of that
44:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Embrace it.
44:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I know it sounds crazy and it's challenging.
44:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, but embrace it.
44:08
[SPEAKER_01]: The best that you can be like, I know I'm going to learn something from this.
44:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to push myself out of this situation.
44:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And yes, I will fly and be colorful and be me and you'll be free and I'm telling you the best that you can embrace who you are in any situation and embrace the struggle and embrace the challenge.
44:29
[SPEAKER_01]: You can do anything.
44:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yeah.
44:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh yeah, oh my god.
44:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I got like chills and like I'm kind of sweating like I love all of the response my body is giving like, but this is this is this episode is so important for people to hear when people are just like just lighting fires other people as people's asses.
44:49
[SPEAKER_00]: We need this.
44:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I love connecting with women like you to help show other women.
44:56
[SPEAKER_00]: It is possible.
44:57
[SPEAKER_00]: You need to hear that you heard this episode, this message for a reason.
45:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, just stumble.
45:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm living, I'm living proof.
45:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it works.
45:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Just taking action.
45:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Any action works.
45:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Like just anything.
45:12
[SPEAKER_01]: So far.
45:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
45:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
45:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you deserve it.
45:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.
45:16
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
45:16
[SPEAKER_00]: And people don't see that.
45:17
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't see their worth and that they're deserving of that beautiful life and that fear strangles people.
45:23
[SPEAKER_00]: But this gives hope.
45:25
[SPEAKER_00]: This shows.
45:26
[SPEAKER_00]: I did it episode with my daughter.
45:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I've done a couple of them with her and one of them we just title doing it scared.
45:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, and we, that's like a, that's a theme in our home all time of like, I'm so scared.
45:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what's going to happen?
45:39
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, you can keep that emotions.
45:41
[SPEAKER_00]: Be scared.
45:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, I'm so glad you said that because don't be scared of your feelings and of your emotions, right?
45:51
[SPEAKER_01]: You're a human being human.
45:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
45:54
[SPEAKER_01]: You are made with what 19 basic emotions, right?
45:58
[SPEAKER_01]: You were supposed to feel sad, angry, depressed, frustrated, happiness, joy, gratitude, all the things.
46:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you're like me, sometimes it's within a 30 minute period.
46:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that he is, it's like, and I always think of emotions as e-emotion, energy, and motion.
46:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
46:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Emotions are supposed to flow through you, and there are times in our lives when grief is necessary.
46:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Sadness is necessary.
46:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Anger is necessary.
46:30
[SPEAKER_01]: You just don't want to hang out there for too long, because that's when it harms you mentally and physically and spiritually, right?
46:37
[SPEAKER_01]: tap into it.
46:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Just be aware of like, you know, I'm a little pissed right now or I'm a little sad, little whatever, I'm not happy.
46:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm actually happy even though I'm probably not supposed to be happy right now because everybody else around me, but I'm happy.
46:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like embrace it, allow it, and just let it be what it is.
46:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's, so yeah, feel the fear, feel the anger, feel it all.
46:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it's, it's okay.
47:00
[SPEAKER_01]: It's normal.
47:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's normal.
47:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, Wendy, you are just such a joy and a pleasure.
47:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't wait to talk to you again.
47:08
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to be good.
47:09
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to put everything in the show notes, but tell us where can they find you where can they follow you.
47:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Tell us the name of your book, your podcast again.
47:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Just give it to us from your mouth.
47:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Give it to you.
47:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Best way to go is just windyvalentine.com.
47:23
[SPEAKER_01]: That's good.
47:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Anything at everything on there, the book, women waking up, the mid-life manifesto for passion, purpose, and play is sold.
47:30
[SPEAKER_01]: We're, wherever books are sold and we're gone.
47:33
[SPEAKER_01]: You came at tons of great bonuses, also, that go with the book, including meditations, a guide book, a playbook, a free workshop, just tons of cool stuff in there.
47:43
[SPEAKER_01]: and that's also on the website.
47:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And Instagram's on main hangout, just like you probably.
47:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, it is.
47:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And that, Wendy Valentine, you'll find me.
47:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the Midlife Makeover Show podcast is wherever it was in the podcast.
47:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it.
47:58
[SPEAKER_00]: You guys will put links to everything in the show notes.
48:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Seriously, I can't wait to talk with you again.
48:02
[SPEAKER_00]: This has been incredible buying a plane ticket,
48:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's like great weather you're around too, so I love it.
48:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I can't thank you enough for coming on.
48:14
[SPEAKER_00]: This was a true blessing and a gift.
48:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I have you on the show.
48:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, thank you.
48:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
48:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, everyone, thanks for listening.
48:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And I hope I inspired you to do something.
48:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
48:24
[SPEAKER_01]: To make your life happier and healthier because you deserve it.
48:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Inspiration was definitely included in this episode for free.
48:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Everyone stays safe.
48:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Stay healthy until next time.
48:40
[SPEAKER_00]: The bottom-life podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.
48:42
[SPEAKER_00]: The content shared here is not intended as medical, legal, or professional advice.
48:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Always consult with a qualified professional before making any health fitness, financial, or legal decisions.
48:50
[SPEAKER_00]: The opinions shared on this podcast are personal experiences and insight.
48:54
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you need expert guidance, go find the right professional for you.
48:58
[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for listening.