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Transcript

S2 E10 A One Year Podcast Anniversary Reflection On Midlife Growth · Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild

• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm nervous.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: And that's kind of funny because it's been a whole year.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sitting in this room getting ready to push record on my one year anniversary episode.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel almost exactly like I did the first day.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm nervous.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm excited.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not completely sure what I'm going to say.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: But maybe that's actually the perfect way to start this episode.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because a year ago I was sitting here wondering if I could really do this.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: And today I'm sitting here realizing I did.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: For an entire year.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get back to that woman for a minute.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: The woman who was nervous to press record.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because I want to tell her something now that I know what this year was going to bring.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: You did it.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: And you had no idea what was coming.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: I can't believe a year has gone by.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I have kept my promise to myself once again.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: And boy, does that feel good.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's one thing a year ago I didn't do.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: And welcome back to my podcast.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: If you've been listening, thank you for being a listener.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: And if you just came across my podcast today is the perfect episode for you to land on because you'll see what I have learned in the past year.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Today is a really special episode because today marks one year since I started this podcast.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: One year.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, saying that out loud feels a little surreal.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because I remember the woman who started this podcast.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: I remember being nervous.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: I remember wondering if anyone would listen.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: I wondered if I actually had anything important enough to say.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: But I knew that I wanted to help other women.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: Somehow over the past year, something happened that I never expected.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: I thought I was creating this podcast to help other women.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: But this podcast ended up helping me too.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: So today, instead of doing the typical anniversary episode, I want to have a conversation with the woman who started this podcast one year ago.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: I want to look at who she is, who I am now, and everything that happened in between.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: And if I'm being completely honest, I didn't know how much this year was going to change me.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Who I was a year ago.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: So who I was a year ago, I think I was hopeful.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: I was scared.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: I was trying to figure out things.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I wanted something that was just mine.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted a place where I could talk about life, about being a woman in midlife, about the things we go through that we don't always talk about.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to help women feel less alone.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't think I realized how much I was going to need that same space myself.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: I was nervous to press record.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: I was nervous to put my voice out there.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't know if I was going to keep doing it, but I did.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: And now a year later, I actually look forward to coming into this podcast room.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: I look forward to sitting behind this microphone.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: That alone tells me something has changed.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: The woman who was afraid to start now is the woman who doesn't want to stop.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: And that wasn't even part of the plan.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't something that I had prepared for.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't the future that I had pictured for myself.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's been the hardest part.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: At least one of the hardest parts.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you're building a picture of your future, you don't usually imagine having to learn how to navigate your life differently because you can't see the way you used to.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm still struggling with that.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to pretend that I've completely figured it out because I haven't.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: There are days when I feel strong and capable, and then there are other days when I think, this is not supposed to be my life.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, I do get angry.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's important to say that out loud.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: Because growth doesn't mean that everything suddenly feels good.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes growth is learning how to live with something you never would have chosen.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still figuring it out.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: Who am I in this new chapter?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe that's okay.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I don't have to have the perfect answer yet.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: But when I look over, when I look back at this last year, I also see a lot of growth.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not the same woman I was.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: I learned that I don't want to stay in relationships that cause me pain just because I'm afraid of what happens if I leave.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: One of the biggest things I learned is to look at myself honestly, like to audit myself.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I learned this very important lesson.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the person I needed to work on isn't everybody else, it's me.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not a bad thing.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually empowering.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because if I can work on myself, I have some control over where my life goes.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I use the word some.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm learning to choose myself.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: I learned to set some boundaries.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Definitely learning to be more intentional about the life that I want.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm still growing every single day.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think becoming a better version of yourself ever really ends.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's something we continue.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: We continue to grow, we continue to work on ourselves.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Some days are easier, some days are harder.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: But we continue to work on ourselves.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe that's what this podcast has become for me.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's definitely not about having all the answers.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's about willing being willing to ask the questions.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: So when I started this podcast, I thought I was going to help other women.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: I hope I have.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: I really do.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: I really do.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: But this podcast gave me something I didn't realize that I needed.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: It gave me a piece back of myself.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: It gave me a place to hear myself.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: A place to process things.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: To say things out loud.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: A place to be honest, brutally honest sometimes.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: There were things I talked about on this podcast that I probably wasn't ready to fully understand when I said them.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: And then months later I'd realized, oh, that was actually about me.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast became part of my own healing.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I can separate that.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the woman who kept showing up here every week, even when I wasn't even sure what I was doing.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, even when the numbers, what I hoped they'd be, weren't what they weren't what I hoped they'd be.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, that's not why I'm doing this.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: But it was interesting to look at the numbers.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna share a little story because I don't know exactly my numbers on the podcast.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: And then I had put my podcast up on YouTube.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, well, I have a few subscribers, which I'm grateful for every subscriber.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: And then I accidentally pushed some page where it's at analytics or something, and it said, and this still chokes me up.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: 98,000 views.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: 17,000 views in the last seven days.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still blown away.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: I thought nobody was listening.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I didn't have anything to say.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes showing up is the accomplishment.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: To the women less listening.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then there's you the women who have listened to me this past year, the women who have commented, who have sent messages, the women who have heard something I've said and thought, me too.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: You may not realize what that means to me.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you're sitting alone behind a microphone, you don't always know who's on the other side.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know if your words are reaching anybody.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then somebody tells you that something you said helped them, and suddenly you realize it matters.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: I want to thank you for spending some of your time with me.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for letting me into your life.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for reminding me why I started this in the first place.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted women to know they weren't alone.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes somewhere along this way, you reminded me that I wasn't alone either.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: So if I could sit across from the woman who started this podcast one year ago, what would I tell her?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought about this a lot.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: I would tell her you're going to change.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: You're going to go through things you didn't expect.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: You're going to have days that you're going to question everything.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to have to learn things you never thought you'd have to learn.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: You're also going to discover parts of yourself that you didn't even know were there.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: You're going to become stronger in some ways.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to become softer in others.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to learn that you can survive things you never thought you could.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: And you're going to learn your life doesn't have to look the way you thought it would, in order for it to still have meaning.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: I tell her to keep pressing record.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: I tell her not to worry so much about whether people are listening.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: I tell her that the act of showing up is changing her, even when she can't see it yet.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'd have I'd tell her that you don't have to know.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly who you're becoming.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: Just keep going.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: What comes next?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: So what happens now?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know exactly, and honestly, I'm okay with that.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: I know I want to keep talking about midlife.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: I want to keep talking about the things women don't always say out loud.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: I want to keep talking about patterns and relationships and boundaries and self-worth, starting over without starting from scratch, and starting a life that actually feels intentional.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I know there are going to be more unexpected things along the way.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: There always are.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't want to spend the next year trying to become somebody else.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to keep continuing to be more like myself.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: More honest.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: More sparkly.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: More fun and more intentional.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: More willing to choose myself, to take up space, and more willing to say, this is my life.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: What do I want to do with it?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: So happy one year anniversary to this podcast.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: And happy one year anniversary to the woman who was brave enough to start it.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: She didn't know what she was doing.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: She didn't even know where it would go.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: She just knew she had something she wanted to say.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm really grateful that she pressed record.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: Because you know what?
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: She thought she was starting a podcast to help other women.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: If you're listening to this and you're somewhere in your own transition, maybe you're scared.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe your life doesn't look the way you thought it would.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe you're trying to figure out who you are now.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: I just want you to know something.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to have it all figured out.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to know exactly what's next.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: You can be scared and still move forward.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's a big one.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: You can grieve what you thought your life would be and still create something beautiful from the life you have.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: And you can change.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: You can grow, you can choose yourself, one day at a time.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: So here's to one year, here's to everything I learned, here's to everything I still don't know, and here's to the next part.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, I don't even know where we're going from here, but I do know one thing.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: I am not done.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here, and I'll see you next time.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: You go, girl.