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How To Easily Get Your Avoidant Ex Back · The Art of Love With Lucia

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  Dealing with an avoidant X feels impossible.
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  I know one minute it seems like you'll never get them back, and
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  then the next they give you just enough hope to believe that they
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  might return only to pull away again.
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  I know it's a cycle that can drive anyone crazy, and that's
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  why you see so many negative comments about avoidance under
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  videos like this. But here's the thing, you
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  actually have more power than you realize.
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  And once you understand how avoidance work, you'll see that
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  getting them back isn't about chasing them, it's about doing
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  the exact opposite. So stay tuned and I'll tell you
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  what you need to do. Hi, this is Lucia with The Art
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  of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
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  expert specializing in helping you get your ex back or to get
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  over your ex. And welcome back my beautiful no
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  contact army. Have you been a good little
• 1:00
  soldier? If you have, then you've
• 1:01
  downloaded my app Silencio to help you stay in no contact.
• 1:05
  The video for that is underneath every single video and podcast.
• 1:08
  And if you're new here and you too would like to join our
• 1:11
  beautiful No contact Army, just hit the subscribe button and
• 1:15
  you're in. And to read our manual, go to
• 1:18
  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
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  you purchase the book. OK, so why do avoidance behave
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  like this? Why do they give you hope and
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  then disappear? It all comes down to comfort and
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  space. Here's the best way to picture
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  it. Imagine that every avoidant
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  walks around with an invisible bubble around them.
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  And that bubble is about three feet wide emotionally.
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  Not physically, but emotionally. Inside that space, they feel
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  safe and comfortable. Now, as long as you stay outside
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  of that bubble, everything feels balanced.
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  They can breathe, they can relax.
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  The relationship works. But the moment you step too far
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  into their bubble by demanding reassurance, chasing, pushing
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  for more closeness, and they're ready, they feel suffocated.
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  It's like you're crowding them emotionally.
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  And their instinct, OK, their instinct is to back up really
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  quick in order to restore that comfort zone.
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  So if you close in to let's say 2 feet or even worse, 1 foot,
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  they will immediately retreat until they're at least three
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  feet or maybe even more away from you again.
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  And This is why avoidance seem to run hot and cold.
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  It's not always about you personally, it's about
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  protecting that emotional bubble around them.
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  Now here's the flip side. If they pull away and you don't
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  chase, if you respect that invisible 3 foot bubble, they'll
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  eventually realize you're not threatening their space, and
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  that's when they feel close enough or safe enough to move
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  closer to you. Now here's where you and your
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  behavior come in. If you can handle things the
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  right way, you can completely change the dynamic.
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  But if you let your anxiety take over, you're only going to push
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  them further away. And most people with an anxious
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  attachment style immediately rush towards your partner when
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  there's a problem with an avoidant.
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  That instinct backfires. The key is to resist it, as hard
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  as it is, I know. So instead of running after
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  them, stand still. Or even better, take a step
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  back. And that gives them the space
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  they crave and the chance to come towards you.
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  Now this is where your own growth becomes essential.
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  Because the best thing you can do after a breakup with an
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  avoidant. Or well, with anyone really, is
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  to work on becoming more secure. People with secure attachment
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  style don't rely on someone else for happiness or validation.
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  They know their worth, whether they're in a relationship or
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  they're not, because their confidence comes from within.
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  And when you build that up within yourself, you won't feel
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  desperate to chase. You won't crumble when someone
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  pulls away. It's all about self worth.
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  So if somehow yourself worth was diminished, probably in
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  childhood, you know, I'm sorry to hear that, but it's now your
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  responsibility to work on it. So instead, you want to stay
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  composed and calm. And that's the energy that draws
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  an avoidant back. And that brings us to the most
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  powerful tool you have, which is of course, no contact.
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  And this is usually the last thing an avoidant expects,
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  especially if you've been anxious in the past.
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  They're used to you reaching out, chasing them, so when you
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  stop it shakes up the whole dynamic.
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  And at first they may feel relieved, but over time they
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  start to wonder, did I make a mistake?
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  Did I end things too quickly? Why aren't they chasing me like
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  before? So by not closing the gap, by
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  respecting that 3 foot emotional space, you allow them to feel
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  safe. And it's only when they feel
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  safe that they can start to question whether they want you
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  back. So no contact actually speeds up
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  that process, and breaking no contact slows it down.
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  And here's the best part. When contact eventually does
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  happen, they'll sense your shift immediately.
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  You won't be the same clingy, needy, insecure partner that
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  they remember. Instead, your new energy.
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  Because remember, you've worked on yourself.
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  Your new aura will tell them something has changed without
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  you even having to say a word. And that change is the key to
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  rebuilding the relationship. So instead of wasting your time
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  during the breakup by staying anxious and miserable and
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  constantly checking their social media, use this as an
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  opportunity. Become more secure, give them
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  space. Let them come back to you.
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  Because when you stop chasing, that's when they can begin to
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  move closer. OK, so now I want to hear from
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  you. How long have you been in no
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  contact and how is it going? And if you would like my help to
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  get your ex back, then you can contact me at
• 6:48
  theartoflove.net/coaching and we will send you the rates.
• 6:52
  They are not on the website and the link to that is underneath
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  every single video and podcast. And I am available 16 hours a
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  day, seven days a week. That doesn't mean I'm working 16
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  hours a day. I'm just saying I'm available
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  because I know people from outside the US.
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  They think, well, is the time difference going to be a
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  problem? No, not at all.
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  And if you found this video helpful, hit the subscribe
• 7:17
  button. If you're listening to this as a
• 7:20
  as a podcast and you want to help the show, then just
• 7:23
  download this episode. And finally, remember, love
• 7:26
  inspires and powers, uplifts and enlightens.