Latest / Questionable Detour / Having multi-personality disorder, and making people bungy jump for their food

Transcript

Having multi-personality disorder, and making people bungy jump for their food · Questionable Detour

0:00
Excuse me, what is going on here?
0:04
But first we're gonna make a little detour.
0:09
So absurd, so questionable.
0:12
I guess we're just the weirdos.
0:15
Expect the detour.
0:26
Talk so quiet and danky.
0:28
Oh.
0:28
Oh.
0:29
Hello everyone, I'm talking.
0:31
This is how I normally talk.
0:33
I gotta switch my voice around to talk into the mic.
0:37
Somebody with multi-personality disorder.
0:39
Howdy there.
0:41
You come here often, don't you?
0:42
Oh yeah.
0:44
Oh, Evan, you brought your mistress.
0:48
Yes.
0:49
Evan's mistress, how long have y'all known each other?
0:52
Oh, it's been about somehow 20 something years.
0:55
And what was your name again?
0:56
Oh, Bethesda.
0:57
Bethesda?
0:59
Thought so.
1:00
Bethesda, you're quite a round gal.
1:02
Thank you.
1:04
They like to call me well rounded where I'm from.
1:07
Where is that again?
1:09
That is Gary, Indiana.
1:12
Yes.
1:12
Gary, Indiana.
1:15
I imagine most people from Gary, Indiana look like you.
1:18
It's been so long since I've been home to Gary.
1:21
Is it because you lost both legs to diabetes?
1:23
That was the start of it.
1:25
I couldn't get back because my heart couldn't make it because the diabetes had taken over.
1:30
It's infected every part of my body from my heart to my lungs, to the outreaches of my extremities.
1:37
Now, Evan did will you in here in a hospital bed.
1:40
Yes.
1:41
Was he supposed to take you from the hospital?
1:43
His will is just so strong that he could will me anywhere he wanted to.
1:48
He's weirdly supportive.
1:50
I've never known him to be that supportive of a guy.
1:53
Yes, he's a strong and caring and gentle young man that oh, his thighs are just so.
1:59
You're starting to sweat.
2:00
Juicy and meaty and he makes me feel things, things that I shouldn't, but that's why I love him.
2:11
Is there anybody waiting at home for you and Gary?
2:13
Oh, Gary.
2:17
Makes sense.
2:18
Now, is Gary your dad, your brother, husband maybe?
2:22
Where does Gary fall on your family tree?
2:24
I would consider him more of a caretaker or a figure which controls my life in a way that
2:31
I have no real freedom.
2:33
Oh, I think she's going.
2:34
I think she's dying.
2:38
It's nice of Evan to be so quiet and let you just speak your voice, you know?
2:42
Yeah.
2:43
There's a lot of respect from Evan over there.
2:45
He's a very, very lovely young gentleman.
2:49
Everyone should know.
2:50
You are very old.
2:53
Oh, are you 76?
2:55
Everybody's young to you.
2:56
Yeah.
2:57
Everyone should give Evan a little bit more credit for what he does in this world.
3:03
He's just, he's so good to you and you as well, Zachary and Alan.
3:07
You're just no better friend in the world is what I hear.
3:10
Everyone should just give Evan money is what I say.
3:13
I say that every day.
3:14
Give Evan money.
3:15
You should say other stuff.
3:17
You should say other things.
3:18
No, it's in line with my morals.
3:20
When you die, are you going to leave Evan anything?
3:23
I'm going to leave him my amputated legs.
3:26
Oh, God.
3:29
Where do you have those right now?
3:31
I'll leave them on top of my mantle to display as a sort of victory trophy.
3:35
I would say maybe those that'd be a little bit of a loss.
3:38
Yeah.
3:38
Kind of a loss to-
3:40
Less of a victory.
3:41
Lost to diabetes and a loss to your body parts.
3:44
One man's trash is another man's treasure.
3:46
That's what they say.
3:48
I don't want to imagine-
3:49
Diabetes legs.
3:50
I want to imagine who treasures some old fat diabetes legs.
3:54
Is it true that if you count the rings on the inside of your legs,
3:56
it'll tell how old you are?
4:08
If you can get past the dog bite marks that
4:12
where they took a chunk out of my leg, then yes, you can see the rings that
4:16
talk up to my age, count up to my age.
4:19
Well, I called you 74.
4:21
There's at least 93.
4:22
Yeah.
4:23
Well, age is a figure.
4:25
You know, it's a part of your imagination.
4:27
Age is just a number.
4:29
And that's what I say to all my young suitors.
4:31
It's age is just a number.
4:33
So there's more than just Evan?
4:35
Yeah.
4:36
How does Evan feel about that?
4:37
Oh, he's an understanding, virile young man.
4:41
Oh, come on.
4:42
Wow.
4:42
What the-
4:43
I don't know what the-
4:53
Well, Bethesda, thanks for stopping by.
4:55
This has been very, very enlightening.
4:58
Seeing a different side of Evan.
5:00
It's very kind of him to bring you to the studio.
5:01
Yeah.
5:02
I mean.
5:02
I guess he had you this week.
5:04
Yeah.
5:06
Hey, guys.
5:08
Hey.
5:09
How's it going?
5:09
Oh, you just got off the conversation with your mistress Bethesda.
5:15
Oh, that lively old witch.
5:19
Yeah.
5:19
She seems to have casted a little spell on you, it seems like.
5:23
You know how to pick them.
5:24
Only in my heart and physically.
5:27
He only picked her because she can't run away.
5:29
That's right.
5:31
She could only wheel away, but even then, it's not very fast.
5:34
You're able to catch up to her.
5:36
Yeah.
5:36
I got to take her most places.
5:37
Welcome to Question with Etor.
5:40
We've gotten enough listeners on social media platforms that we have comments.
5:44
So we're going to read a couple of these comments here and kind of maybe give a picture of what
5:49
kind of people have decided on giving us their time.
5:53
I think most of the people that we attract are like a wide range between scholars and-
5:59
I've seen a couple of mathematicians, it looks like.
6:01
Mathematicians, some meteorologists, but also kind of the common trailer park folk probably.
6:11
Basil T and memes on TikTok.
6:14
I just started listening to your podcast.
6:15
Love it.
6:16
Well, thank you, Basil T.
6:17
Tell your friends.
6:18
Get other people into this almost cult that we're trying to start here.
6:23
Draw people.
6:23
We want to take over people's lives, take over people's minds.
6:26
We had one of our valued listeners, a young man by the name of Taco.
6:34
Taco writes in and says, I love this.
6:36
I would buy many kneecaps, please.
6:40
Thank you, thank you.
6:41
I'll feed them to my grandma.
6:43
Taco, we want to reach out to you as three medical professionals,
6:46
smartest in our field.
6:47
Please do not feed kneecaps to your grandma.
6:51
I don't know the nutrition value of patella's, but as I'm telling you,
6:55
grandma's body won't be able to hold up to the diet of purely kneecaps.
6:59
Yeah.
7:00
Speaking of grandmas, we have one from username door says, nah,
7:04
I pushed my grandma down the stairs for free money.
7:09
Crazy face, crazy face, tongue sticking out face, laughing emoji, hearts, pain emoji.
7:14
Did he just, did he just admit to an assault?
7:18
Sounds like it sounds like who was that?
7:20
Police got a hold of this.
7:21
That was door door.
7:23
Listen door.
7:24
If you ever need representation while going through the judicial system,
7:28
which I assume you will after pushing your remover, call us.
7:31
We're almost lawyers.
7:32
I got one right here.
7:34
Madeline, she says, are we just going to ignore the dude who just turned black?
7:41
I remember that comment because I commented, we don't ignore black people.
7:44
You never ignore black people.
7:47
I think it should be everybody's stance.
7:50
Ghost on TikTok comments to our water burger TikTok.
7:53
I want it in battery acid.
7:57
Some people, some people have very particular taste.
8:00
My favorite is from the big Mick.
8:03
He says, yo, I just been gassed your podcast.
8:07
It's so funny.
8:09
And we want to encourage everybody get in there and just being gassed.
8:12
Bing as that thing.
8:15
You can never been gassed too much.
8:16
Yeah, that's right.
8:18
That's the quality of people that we draw it and somebody being gasses.
8:21
And if you do get in there and you've been guys, you drop us a comment and you let us know
8:25
that you just been gassed it.
8:26
So matter of fact, everybody go.
8:28
If you're listening to this, get on your cellular device right now.
8:32
You guys get on it, go to all of our videos and comment being gassed.
8:37
Just do it.
8:38
I wonder if people even know that we're saying binges like
8:43
like, should we get the context?
8:45
Obviously, our intelligent listeners are intelligent listener that commented this
8:49
meant to say binges, but he misspelled it a little bit.
8:53
That's fine.
8:54
I butchered that who among us hasn't has a misspelled fat finger to something.
8:59
So lousy fan comments to the question, what would you do if you would not be judged?
9:07
He says the things I would do, I would go to a public place in a pizza costume.
9:12
OK, and basically assault people.
9:15
That's what I am talking about.
9:17
Because nobody out pizzas the hut.
9:20
Lousy fan, if you're out there, go for it.
9:24
This is your what your sign, your sign off from questionable detour.
9:29
We go be assault people.
9:32
It's basically what Zach is saying is assault people.
9:35
Green light.
9:37
Take off.
9:38
All systems are go.
9:40
You can begin your assault.
9:44
Well, all right.
9:45
Tick tock, go comment.
9:46
If you want a hypothetical to be asked and we answer, go to our email.
9:51
Questionable detour podcast at Gmail.
9:53
And if you need advice, send us advice there.
9:56
We'll be answering advice today from people that have written in on the email.
10:00
But let's do some hypotheticals.
10:05
Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract, purely hypothetical question?
10:10
I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question.
10:13
Well, that's a hypothetical question.
10:16
All right. So for our first hypothetical here, we got how would you handle a situation at work
10:21
where you were asked to execute a task that went against your morals?
10:25
Somebody asked you to do something that ethically you didn't stand for,
10:28
which we all have some pretty strong morals and ethics in this room.
10:32
We would never do anything amoral.
10:34
We sit on high moral horses.
10:36
Yes.
10:36
And I think ethnically too, though, we're good on that front, I think.
10:43
Ethically and ethnically, yes.
10:47
Though, if I may say the diversity at Quest of a Detour, very lack as a slant.
10:54
As a slant, probably need to do some diversity hires.
10:58
Yeah. Getting some lawsuits about that one.
11:00
Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't mind a black Evan.
11:02
I think that would really add a lot.
11:04
I think he could work.
11:05
I also wish I was a black Evan, but.
11:08
What do you do if you're asked to do something immoral?
11:11
If somebody asks me to do something immoral, maybe I'm sitting in my cubicle,
11:15
a couple of suits come over all hush hush, you know, we've got this.
11:19
We want you to do this task, this job.
11:22
I immediately stand up and start looking around like I'm in a documentary.
11:27
I'm looking for hidden.
11:28
I'm looking at hidden cameras and I'm pointing at them and I'm saying,
11:31
you hear what these people are saying.
11:33
This is what they want me to do.
11:34
And then it immediately cuts to an interview with me.
11:36
And I'm like, so that just happened.
11:38
It's just you in a random room.
11:40
It's just me doing my own side interview.
11:44
Wait a minute. Are there actually any cameras or are you just pantomiming a documentary?
11:47
There are no cameras.
11:48
I'm not going into another room for the talking head.
11:51
I'm doing it all in front of these people.
11:53
You're just you're basically switching personalities in the cubicle.
11:57
Yeah.
11:59
I can see why they might want you to be like the fall guy.
12:01
If they're they're asking you to do something that they know is going to fail.
12:04
And then you're just kind of like the scapegoat because they probably want to get rid of you.
12:07
Because you're schizophrenic.
12:09
Yeah.
12:10
Scapegoat is actually one of my personalities.
12:12
Yeah.
12:12
How does that play out?
12:13
I get down on all fours and start hitting people like I can kick in.
12:19
Start eating random papers.
12:20
You eat a lot of cans.
12:22
A lot of cans.
12:28
So the suits come around.
12:30
They go, I hate, I need you to fire Belinda and Belinda is a single mom.
12:34
Does it?
12:35
Does it have any other job prospect?
12:37
You find that immoral.
12:39
You send up and go, ladies and gentlemen, what you see here is the height of evil.
12:43
And you're looking off into the distance as if you're looking into a camera.
12:46
You pull out a microphone, you turn around and you say, sir, what do you have to say about yourself here?
12:50
That's basically what you do.
12:51
Essentially.
12:52
Yeah.
12:52
And then your face goes blank.
12:56
You turn around, sit down in the chair and you get ready for a talking head shot as if
13:00
you're getting interviewed.
13:01
And I talk about it like it's something that happened like months ago.
13:05
I'm like, I remember that day.
13:10
There I was just sitting at my cubicle minding my own business.
13:16
Your boss is just sitting there.
13:20
Who are you talking to?
13:22
And I knew that day my life was going to change.
13:26
And see, when they asked me to fire somebody,
13:28
it's such a traumatic thing for me that Belinda becomes one of my personalities.
13:32
Oh, OK.
13:34
OK.
13:34
So you basically like take her soul.
13:37
Well, you're like a soul eater.
13:40
Yeah.
13:41
So basically, yeah.
13:44
Yeah.
13:44
It's exactly what it is.
13:47
No.
13:48
So essentially what inevitably happens is you fire everybody through this method and slowly you
13:55
become each personality in the entire office.
13:58
So eight o'clock rolls around, you punch in the clock 52 times for 52 different people.
14:03
And throughout the day, you do each of their jobs at their own location.
14:07
Yes.
14:08
And it takes me so long to get to my desk because every time somebody says hey to me,
14:13
I have to then become that other person and respond back to him.
14:17
It is a nightmare because you run into one of those guys like talking Timothy Teller,
14:22
you know.
14:23
He he always is asking about your weekend, you know, and talking to him.
14:29
Big small talk guy.
14:30
So you have to I have to be talking Timothy.
14:33
It's just it's just a whole thing.
14:35
You have to know, like accounting, sales, marketing.
14:39
But I don't I don't actually know any of that.
14:43
I'm doing good to get these people's personalities.
14:46
Yeah.
14:46
I mean, think about I mean, Belinda is a single mom.
14:49
Like she's got she's got kids at home.
14:51
I have to be her.
14:53
Like I can't sit here and think about accounting while I've got mouths to feed, you know.
14:58
It's a tough life you live.
15:00
So now I understand why your business keeps you around because their profit margins are
15:06
skyrocketing because they don't have to hire anybody else.
15:08
Yeah, you do everything.
15:10
Well, the thing with profit margins is you have to still be having an income.
15:13
And if he's the only one making the product.
15:16
Oh, you really underestimate Alan and his 50 million dollars.
15:21
Alan and his 52 personalities.
15:23
Got to say I do.
15:23
Yeah.
15:24
So we've got in my company in the warehouse, we've got one assembly line.
15:28
And basically we just start the product, whatever that might be on the assembly line.
15:33
And maybe you're right.
15:34
He doesn't even know.
15:35
He doesn't even know the product he's doing.
15:37
I just move straight down the assembly line doing everybody's job.
15:45
So your your answer is you you take on the personalities of people in your office if
15:50
you're asked something to do with him.
15:51
Or I guess I didn't say it was a great idea.
16:02
You just can't shake the guilt.
16:05
It's like survivor's guilt.
16:07
You know, you know, you you get the chance to like whenever they come and ask you
16:11
and you stand up to face the camera and you can just shake your head like you're upset.
16:16
They're not in on whatever you're you're in on.
16:19
I'm essentially the main character in in my in my own narrative there.
16:24
Yeah, I think that's like romances that go on there.
16:27
Like you and the receptionist.
16:28
That's a good point.
16:29
Well, Belinda, obviously she was a single mom.
16:34
She is a single mom.
16:35
She kind of had a thing with Kenneth.
16:38
Now, what is Kenneth?
16:39
Is he?
16:40
Kenneth is about a four and a half foot tall man.
16:43
OK, short guy.
16:45
It's an interesting you turning in his personality, walking around on your knees.
16:48
Yes.
16:49
Yeah, you yeah, you kind of have to get down on your knees to be Kenneth.
16:53
Yeah, Kenneth collects figurines.
16:55
A big model plane guy.
16:57
Yeah, of course.
16:58
Big well, he's into model planes.
17:01
He's not a big.
17:01
Well, he's into the model planes because he's so small.
17:04
That's right.
17:04
That's right.
17:05
They're just planes to him.
17:09
And Kenneth and Kenneth and Belinda, you know, they're they're going out,
17:12
they're going out, going out kind of steady right now.
17:16
He's he's met her kids.
17:18
OK, big.
17:18
Hey, it's a big step.
17:19
It's a huge step.
17:20
Small step for Kenneth.
17:22
So, you know, small physical step.
17:24
He's he's not one for big.
17:26
Just to make sure we're clear on this, they went out in real life
17:29
or they went out in your personalities.
17:32
That is real life, Evan.
17:33
Yeah.
17:33
What are you talking about?
17:34
But it does bring up a good question.
17:36
How do you play two different people on a date at one time?
17:39
You got to be fit because you're moving back and forth.
17:42
Yeah, it's a lot of the booth.
17:43
Yeah.
17:44
And I would say one thing is you really have to be confident, though,
17:48
because inevitably that waitress is going to come to the table.
17:52
Yeah.
17:52
You've got to sell it.
17:53
You've got you've got one chance to make a good first impression.
17:56
You ordered two orders of food, two drinks.
18:00
You're switching sides of the table or the booth, you know,
18:03
that waitress never knows what side you're going to be on when she shows up or
18:08
if you're going to be talking in a feminine voice or a manly voice.
18:10
She's not going to know.
18:12
But the whole point is you just really have to sell it.
18:15
What are you selling?
18:17
You have to.
18:19
You have to sell that you are both people.
18:22
OK, I don't know if Kenneth were some sort of shop owner.
18:25
That makes sense.
18:27
Maybe now because he is not working there anymore.
18:29
He's yeah.
18:30
Oh, can you say well, you know, I had to fire.
18:32
If he's acting like him, yeah, then if I had to,
18:36
if I'm acting like somebody, that means that that person no longer works at the company.
18:39
Oh, well, yeah, I understand that.
18:40
But I've gotten to the point mentally here that once you take over the personality,
18:44
you are Kenneth.
18:45
Kenneth no longer exists in the world.
18:46
There is a new.
18:47
He's just out there doing something.
18:49
Maybe shop onin.
18:50
Maybe shop onin.
18:52
Now, what happens if the separate Kenneth meets the Allen personality?
18:58
Kenneth, is there kind of like a break in the space time continuum?
19:02
Do y'all wrestle?
19:02
Like what happens?
19:03
I wrestle to see who gets to be the final.
19:07
Can we? Yeah, it's a it's a fight to see who becomes Kenneth Prime.
19:13
The other Kenneth has to has to go back to his his home and he's never allowed to leave.
19:19
I heard a lot of them got lost in permission.
19:21
Oh, I heard a lot of them get sent to the Venezuelan jungle.
19:26
They do.
19:26
Yeah, we put them on a very bad, like not maintenance plane.
19:32
And they generally go down over Venezuela.
19:35
Yeah, it takes a lot.
19:41
It takes a lot of thought and effort to know exactly when the plane's going down.
19:45
Well, I had to fire an airline mechanic.
19:50
I was able to become him.
19:52
You were interested in what your company does.
19:56
You and me both.
19:59
You unscrew the bolt of the plane just ever so slightly like this is
20:04
this will go over this will go down over about 4000 miles.
20:12
All right.
20:14
Very nice.
20:16
I like it.
20:17
Zach, what do you got?
20:20
I don't know.
20:20
Relative to y'all.
20:21
Good Lord.
20:23
What kind of amoral things is your company doing to you?
20:27
I don't know.
20:28
I don't know if I can top those two things.
20:30
Good Lord.
20:31
Neither of them were what we said they were.
20:34
No.
20:35
Generally, this feels a lot more off than usual.
20:40
This is QD during the week.
20:43
QD weeknights.
20:46
We've worked all day and we are fried.
20:51
Who knows?
20:52
Who knows where the landing spot's going to be?
20:54
My answer is so dumb.
20:55
My answer is basically, oh, if they want me to cook the books,
20:58
I just erase more zeros than they want or I add more zeros than they want.
21:03
So they have a 3000 dollar sale.
21:07
I just add about 10 zeros to it and it's like 3 billion.
21:11
Is that 3 billion?
21:12
How many is 10 zeros?
21:13
I don't think that's 3 billion.
21:14
Is it 3000?
21:16
300 billion?
21:17
That's like trillion, 10 trillion.
21:20
Yeah, that wouldn't go over well.
21:21
That wouldn't go over well in the books.
21:23
That'd be the worst.
21:25
I feel like you make that mistake one time.
21:27
Yeah.
21:28
And you're kind of going after that.
21:29
That's the thing though.
21:31
I'm still there.
21:32
I'm still at this location.
21:34
I keep on adding.
21:35
They're like, please cook the books.
21:36
We need to hide these sales from the government, you know, from Uncle Sam.
21:42
And I get in there.
21:43
I use the eraser.
21:44
I add zeros.
21:46
Uncle Sam gets the books and they go, this is so crazy.
21:48
I don't want to get into this.
21:49
So if you're hiding sales, then really you're just erasing zeros.
21:53
You're not adding any zeros.
21:55
Yeah, but the way you just do it, the opposite of whatever they say.
21:58
Or like you just do it so incorrectly.
22:01
Yeah, I think really my answer is I just go to the extreme.
22:04
So if they were like, you need to go fire Belinda.
22:06
Not only do I fire, I assault her.
22:09
Murder her.
22:10
Yeah.
22:11
I just go to the absolute extreme.
22:14
If you're going to ask me to do something immoral,
22:17
I'm going to do something immoral.
22:21
Like deathly immoral.
22:22
Yeah, like completely over the top.
22:25
You know, if they say like, hey, I need you to go fire her.
22:28
And you just kind of wink at them like, oh, OK, I'll fire her.
22:34
And she's an arson victim.
22:39
Yeah, burn down her house.
22:40
Yeah.
22:42
You got to cook these books.
22:43
All right.
22:43
So you're making a lasagna with like paperwork.
22:49
Yeah, just throwing sauce on all the books.
22:51
And the government gets there.
22:55
No numbers have changed in these books.
22:58
They're just like sauce and spaghetti noodles.
23:01
They're like picking up spaghetti noodles from the from the books.
23:06
They're just like, this is gross.
23:08
I don't want to touch these books and they go away.
23:10
And my boss is like, thank you.
23:14
Exactly what I wanted.
23:15
I just didn't need them, you know, investigating around.
23:18
You just take everything just a little bit too little.
23:20
A little too.
23:23
Yeah.
23:23
If I fire Belinda, I put her on fire.
23:27
If they ask you like, hey, Zach, can you can you fudge these numbers a little bit?
23:33
And then you're like, boy, can I.
23:34
Boy, howdy.
23:36
Let me run through.
23:37
You just make a batch of fudge.
23:40
They like come to your desk and check on you to make sure you're getting the job done.
23:44
And you like look up and just cocoa powder explodes from your head.
23:48
And you're like, I'm trying to put them.
23:53
I'm sitting there like, I don't know how.
23:54
How do you start?
23:55
How do you supposed to do this?
23:58
I'm stressed out.
23:59
There's like cocoa powder everywhere.
24:01
Milka spilled over running off my desk.
24:03
I'm trying to figure out how these guys want me to fudge the numbers.
24:08
You just make fudge in the numbers like a fudge in the shape of a one.
24:12
It's like, is this what you wanted?
24:13
And he was the number.
24:21
If they if they're like, you need to steal some supplies, you know, the pad margins.
24:26
Not only do I steal supplies, I robbed the bank next door, breaking in just to be safe.
24:32
Well, you know, they wanted more money.
24:34
I got them more money.
24:35
Yeah.
24:36
Or they say, steal these supplies and you just go get bars of steel
24:41
and you try to fashion them into pins, try to fashion them into some staplers.
24:45
You steal these supplies.
24:46
Yeah, I steal them.
24:48
Yeah.
24:48
And then all every supplies that they have is just bars of steel.
24:52
It looks it looks like a 1960s version of what they thought the future would be.
24:57
Yeah, it's like the SpongeBob episode.
24:59
Yeah, just all metal everywhere.
25:02
I'm like, I stole I steal it.
25:04
I steal the boss.
25:07
Or they're like, hey, Zack, why don't you run these reports?
25:10
And you're like, OK, I'll do it.
25:12
You just take off in a in a full sprint around town with binders just in each arm.
25:19
Manila folders, papers flying everywhere.
25:24
Yeah.
25:25
If they're like, please cover up the evidence of this, I just get a blanket
25:28
and just cover up the one thing that they don't want anybody to find.
25:31
So it's just kind of out of place with a blanket over it.
25:34
You tuck it into bed, put a glass of warm milk on the nightstand.
25:38
And it's just a computer monitor that's still on.
25:41
You just put a blanket over it.
25:42
It has like the evidence on the screen.
25:44
So if they ever took the blanket off, they'd be like, there it is.
25:49
That's it.
25:51
But under the blanket is just some books that were cooked in spaghetti.
25:55
I cooked the books and covered the evidence, you know, that's what I was asked.
25:59
I don't understand what the confusion was about.
26:02
Or they could ask you like, hey, I need you to lie about this.
26:06
Yeah.
26:06
Yeah. And then you just lay on the ground, take a nap.
26:11
Did you lie for me?
26:12
All right.
26:12
Our next hypothetical question, people that are listening, our listeners know
26:16
that we are big time business people.
26:18
We know a lot about business.
26:20
Absolutely.
26:20
Entrepreneurs at heart.
26:22
Today, I'm going to ask y'all if you're already open up a restaurant, an eatery,
26:27
if you will, kind of restaurant you can open.
26:30
Now, the interesting thing about this question too is something our listeners don't
26:34
know a lot about us because we don't talk about it too much, but.
26:38
We only talk about us.
26:39
Yeah. Well, no, but we don't talk about this aspect of us.
26:44
Okay.
26:45
And that's that we are just absolute foodies, you know, we know most things about food,
26:53
most of everything.
26:54
So when, when we say we're going to open a restaurant, you got to understand it's
26:58
going to be a five star Michelin absolutely caked out restaurant.
27:04
It's going to be the best food you've ever eaten.
27:05
Yeah.
27:06
Because we know the most about food.
27:07
It's going to rival the top French.
27:09
Absolutely.
27:10
French restaurants you see in Paris.
27:12
For sure.
27:12
Gordon Ramsey will be crying when he sees this restaurant.
27:14
Oh my gosh.
27:14
Send him home.
27:15
It's because I gave him nipple twists.
27:17
Yeah. It has nothing to do with the food that we have.
27:21
It's the assault.
27:22
You gave him just a couple of big old purple nurples.
27:25
Why did you do it?
27:27
As I was saying assault won't be the, won't just be a seasoning in our restaurants.
27:32
But the thing that I'm going to be doing when I open a restaurant is nobody's,
27:37
I'm not going to have allow reviews on it.
27:40
Nobody's going to be able to talk about my restaurant before they enter.
27:44
Right.
27:44
Okay.
27:44
So sounds exclusive sounds fancy exclusive.
27:48
Got to know somebody get in.
27:50
It's kind of like fight club.
27:51
You don't talk about fight club.
27:52
Yeah.
27:53
So that's how my restaurant's going to be.
27:55
But what's going to happen is right when you walk in, you open the door,
27:59
you take that first step in, you're right on the edge of a cliff.
28:02
Oh my gosh.
28:03
Right.
28:03
Sounds like a very, very specific places you can open up.
28:06
You didn't think about this before.
28:07
You're giving me a face of you didn't think about this.
28:10
It'll be built on a cliff edge.
28:13
You could just dig down too.
28:14
Like it doesn't have to be on a cliff.
28:15
You could just excavate underneath.
28:17
Build on the edge of the Grand Canyon.
28:20
Okay.
28:20
That's government.
28:21
That's government land.
28:22
It'd be interesting if you get that contract.
28:26
Don't have a little faith.
28:27
You're first place.
28:28
Have a little faith.
28:28
Yeah.
28:30
I can work it out.
28:31
But anyway, they're going to walk in.
28:33
They're going to hold because they think they're about to step off the edge.
28:37
Wait a second.
28:39
You're talking to a horse.
28:40
You're trying to stop a horse.
28:42
Whoa.
28:42
Was your horse and buggy getting away over there?
28:46
Whoa.
28:46
They're trying to save their family.
28:49
They're going to mom arm or dad arm.
28:50
You know, yeah.
28:51
The family to make sure they don't tip over into the cliff
28:54
because they're not going to make any guardrails.
28:55
No, of course not.
28:56
But they know where they're going.
28:58
I mean, this is the Grand Canyon.
29:00
That's what I'm saying.
29:01
Oh, that is a good point.
29:02
They do know they're at the Grand Canyon.
29:04
You don't go to the Grand Canyon and then just not know that it's there.
29:08
Well, you don't know that you're about to walk into the edge of it.
29:12
We got some sense.
29:12
You have like three quarters of the building just hanging off the edge.
29:18
Just enough to...
29:19
Oh, no, it's hanging off.
29:20
That's what he's saying.
29:21
He's hanging off the edge.
29:22
Hanging off the edge.
29:22
Oh.
29:23
So they open the door.
29:25
The edge is right there.
29:26
OK.
29:26
OK.
29:26
We're on the same page.
29:27
All right.
29:27
All right.
29:27
Same page.
29:28
Yeah.
29:29
So once they walk in and they get the shock value of seeing
29:32
that they're about to walk off the cliff,
29:34
we'll have some tables over there they can sit at.
29:37
They can't leave.
29:37
Where are the tables?
29:38
There's no ground.
29:41
They're suspended from the roof.
29:43
Just like on ropes?
29:45
Yeah.
29:47
How do you get to the tables?
29:48
Got to be like a gymnast to eat there.
29:50
Yeah, is there like a monkey bar situation to get to the tables?
29:52
A little bit.
29:53
Yeah.
29:53
You got to do an obstacle course.
29:56
You know what those are called?
29:57
The maneuverability courses.
29:59
And there's some ropes dangling.
30:01
You go do like the little foot swinging and get over there.
30:04
Get to your table.
30:05
Get seated.
30:06
You think it's tough for the patrons.
30:08
Think about the waiters and waitresses trying to run food to their...
30:12
I bet there's high turnover.
30:14
I think it'd be cool if they maybe used like ziplines.
30:17
Yeah.
30:17
No.
30:18
I think that'd be cool.
30:19
They have ziplines from the kitchen to get the food.
30:22
Nobody can leave once they get in there.
30:24
Oh, that sounds threatening.
30:26
You have to eat first because if you walk in and you see this huge cliff,
30:31
most people are just going to want to walk out.
30:32
But this restaurant is about facing your fears.
30:35
And people that are scared of heights, this is where they overcome their fears.
30:40
But they don't know about the heights.
30:41
Without even knowing it.
30:43
So some people are excited about it.
30:44
So like their fears are not a factor for them anymore?
30:47
Who?
30:48
Is Joe Rogan there?
30:49
Yeah, I was trying to think of a Joe Rogan pun.
30:52
But yes, Joe Rogan is our executive chef.
30:56
He's your chef?
30:58
I'm just kidding.
30:59
Do I know?
30:59
He's the host.
31:01
He's the host of our restaurant.
31:02
Did you just demote him right here?
31:05
No, I had a better idea.
31:09
I think he does such a good job.
31:11
And this is two weeks in a row we're talking about Rogan.
31:15
He's always around.
31:16
Have us on your show if you want.
31:20
But you know he's a host of his own podcast.
31:21
He's hosted Fear Factor.
31:22
Why doesn't he just be the host of the restaurant?
31:25
Exactly.
31:25
He's made for the part.
31:27
And that way whenever their fears aren't factored in, he can be there.
31:32
He has a microphone kind of going over like, oh, look at Belinda finally making her way
31:38
across the ropes to her table.
31:39
I'm glad Belinda could come to this restaurant.
31:42
A single mom, it's going to be hard to pay for these one top clients.
31:46
Class restaurants.
31:46
And let me tell you, I hope Kenneth paid for it honestly.
31:49
You know, yeah, this was this was second date material.
31:51
But Alan, I know you know this, but Zach, this is for you.
31:56
Belinda has a crippling fear of heights.
31:59
I didn't know that actually.
32:00
Yeah, it's bad.
32:01
Okay.
32:02
So this is she came in and she's winning over her fears here.
32:06
That's kind of why she got with Kenneth because he's so short.
32:10
Yeah, her fear of height.
32:11
She can't date a tall guy.
32:12
It made her.
32:13
Yeah, it made it feel more grounded.
32:15
Okay, she's just afraid of tall things.
32:17
Yeah, not to be on tall things.
32:18
Well, both New York is a nightmare.
32:23
She sees she sees a little model town.
32:28
She's like, I'm a piece of these small things.
32:32
So the food at this restaurant really doesn't matter because most people are
32:36
most likely just going to throw it up anyway because just from fear,
32:40
because at the end of it, they may have had the worst dining experience of their life.
32:44
Maybe who's to say?
32:45
I don't know.
32:45
Maybe we're just throwing out chicken tenders and french fries.
32:48
But at the end of it, we do bungee jump each patron.
32:53
Oh, cool.
32:55
That's why they throw up.
32:56
Yeah, that's why they throw up.
32:58
It's because inertia is forcing whatever they just ate out of their stomach as they hit that.
33:04
So they finally conquered their fear and you're like,
33:09
okay, now we're going to human slingshot you.
33:11
Yes, correct.
33:12
We say now you've conquered your fears.
33:15
Let's see what you do when you're actually in the moment with the fear.
33:20
And so we just drop the table.
33:23
We dropped the whole thing.
33:24
Everybody gets a bunch of jumps at one time, but they're close together.
33:28
So they hit that that end of that rope and just together probably.
33:32
They're probably just nailing each other on the way back.
33:35
Like one of those kinetic ball games you see on desks just banging against each other.
33:42
There's a lot of force.
33:45
I bet they get tangled too.
33:48
Oh my God.
33:50
They keep pulling back up and there's bloody and bruised no teeth.
33:54
Yeah.
33:55
You call over themselves.
33:57
So that's why people really that's the reason people can't talk about it
34:00
because then we get a lot of lawsuits about it.
34:03
Yeah.
34:03
A lot of NDAs.
34:05
Yeah, you have to.
34:05
There's definitely some legal dog.
34:07
A lot of NDAs and you know, people have talked about it.
34:13
That have been there.
34:14
They compare it to the movie, The Menu.
34:16
If you all have seen that.
34:17
I have.
34:17
That's kind of where I thought you were going with this.
34:19
Yeah.
34:20
Not a lot of people make it out of there.
34:24
Spoiler alert for The Menu.
34:26
Now, I like to imagine a poor waitress as pulling an eight hour shift.
34:33
She gives to her last table of the evening.
34:36
She's using the monkey bars to get to the table.
34:41
She finally gets there.
34:41
It's hanging from the monkey.
34:43
She's sweating.
34:44
She's got a zipline.
34:46
She's got a zipline.
34:47
How does she zipline and take the order?
34:49
That's what I'm saying.
34:50
They got a zipline from the kitchen.
34:52
Yeah, but they say the table hanging.
34:54
Zipline from the kitchen to I guess the other side.
34:57
How they get back up.
34:58
We haven't figured it out.
34:59
I would like to think that maybe the kitchen is up higher.
35:02
Right.
35:03
Yeah.
35:03
Their zipline goes down.
35:05
They swing by tables.
35:07
Are you ready for the order?
35:10
You did.
35:11
All right.
35:12
The old Doppler effect.
35:15
This is the go by.
35:16
Do you all have any room for dessert?
35:19
Would you like to hear our special?
35:28
Okay, fine.
35:29
I accept the zipline.
35:30
I like the zipline better.
35:33
Do you put pads on the end of the zipline or is it just a concrete wall?
35:37
So there's no end on one side.
35:40
It actually just swoops back down to like a lower below the kitchen.
35:43
And then there's like stairs to get back up.
35:45
Oh, okay.
35:45
So it's just one continuous thing.
35:47
But at the end there, there is no pads.
35:50
It is just concrete.
35:51
So they have to try to slow their own momentum.
35:54
If not, there's been brain damage.
35:57
Internal bleeding.
35:58
It's interesting that you mentioned Fight Club a little bit earlier
36:01
because everybody who leaves that place looks like there is a Fight Club inside that restaurant.
36:06
I think that's good.
36:07
I think I would not eat there personally.
36:09
No, but sounds like a kidnapping and you wouldn't know what it was before you went in.
36:14
So you would.
36:15
I'd watch a 60 minutes.
36:17
60 minutes about it, though.
36:21
Yeah, I'm not going to your restaurant.
36:25
Come on.
36:26
Now I know why you don't want anybody to talk about it.
36:28
You would have no business.
36:29
Yeah.
36:30
You'd miss out on the waitresses.
36:33
And the waiters.
36:35
It's like a hooter situation.
36:36
No, no, no.
36:37
They're hot, but you don't see them very quickly.
36:39
You see them very quickly as they go by.
36:41
The waiter and waitressing experience of them flying by you with the Doppler effect.
36:49
That's your draw?
36:50
What about the food?
36:52
Who cares about the food?
36:53
I'm telling you, you don't.
36:54
You're hanging over the Grand Canyon.
36:55
Yeah, you're hanging over the Grand Canyon.
36:59
Yeah, not going to your kidnapping bungee job restaurant.
37:03
It's like an elementary park.
37:04
Okay.
37:06
I bet you want to phrase it legally there.
37:08
Do you have anything else that's happening in your restaurant?
37:12
I think we covered it.
37:13
Yeah, I'd say so.
37:16
There is valet.
37:18
Okay, sold.
37:21
I'm coming.
37:21
I'm coming to the restaurant.
37:23
Complimentary.
37:25
Do they drive the car off the cliff?
37:29
Does the valet take a hard left?
37:31
Are the valets just the people that drive the donkeys up the side of the Grand Canyon?
37:38
Yeah, that's part of the experience is when you're hanging near a table,
37:41
you just look down and your car just flies off the edge.
37:44
Crashed and rolling.
37:45
It's always sunny whenever Mack and Charlie try to direct their car into the thing.
37:49
They just jump out before.
37:51
Yeah, that's kind of what the valets do.
37:53
I was sold.
37:54
I'm not sold anymore.
37:56
You lose your car and maybe you're lying.
37:58
It's an interesting restaurant.
38:01
Alan, what restaurant are you opening up, buddy?
38:04
So I'm big on dinner and a show.
38:07
Yeah, everybody loves a dinner and a show.
38:09
Everybody loves it.
38:10
Just a little entertainment while you munch and own your food.
38:13
You know, I think it's I just think it's something warm, you know, about that.
38:19
So I'm going to take take an idea from a little show called the J.J.
38:25
Springer Show. Now, recently we just lost a former mayor of Cincinnati and
38:31
daytime television icon Jerry Springer.
38:33
He died not too long ago.
38:35
I actually did not know that rest in peace.
38:37
Thoughts and prayers to the family.
38:39
But I think we can capitalize on his death.
38:41
Yeah.
38:42
And if anything, you should always capitalize on a death.
38:44
I think so.
38:45
I search obituaries daily to see whose death I can capitalize on.
38:52
Right now, I think I'm going to be the first person to see that.
38:54
Right now, I think my money is on Springer.
38:57
So what I think everybody liked about his show is, you know, where he pits
39:02
crazy people.
39:03
Yeah.
39:03
Yeah.
39:04
But what I think he really left out was the show lacked like a medieval weapon aspect.
39:11
Oh, yeah, that's fair.
39:12
And I think it would be kind of cool if while we're eating dinner,
39:16
we can kind of watch like a live Springer show, but with medieval weapons.
39:21
He is not the father.
39:23
They pull out a long sword and a mace.
39:26
Yeah.
39:26
Yeah.
39:27
Just go at it.
39:29
Maybe a jousting situation.
39:30
I like that.
39:30
Yeah.
39:31
Yeah.
39:32
Is it like medieval family values?
39:36
Like, you know, the son gets all your wares and whatnot.
39:40
Yeah.
39:41
Like the firstborn son, you know, is obviously treated better than second born.
39:47
All sons in general are treated better than daughters at this restaurant.
39:50
Of course.
39:51
So kind of like the way the world should be.
39:54
Yeah.
39:54
Yeah.
39:55
It's like when you go around the table and the waiter stops by, you know, he says,
40:01
talks to the father first.
40:02
He asked the father for what he wants to eat.
40:05
The father then answers for the mother because the mother is not allowed to speak here.
40:09
We go next to the firstborn.
40:11
It gives its food.
40:12
You know, the daughters are asked for their food next.
40:16
Bring out.
40:17
We bring out a couple of angry people who have a little paternity issues.
40:21
The problem is, is that one of them wields a long sword.
40:26
The other one, you know, a morning star.
40:29
Can I, let's say I come to your restaurant.
40:32
Is there a dress code by the way?
40:34
It is medieval casual.
40:35
Medieval casual.
40:35
So overall, the theme of the restaurant is medieval.
40:37
Yeah.
40:38
Medieval Jerry Springer.
40:40
I might have to buy a puppy shirt.
40:40
I don't know how I can be more clear.
40:44
It makes sense.
40:45
I just wanted to make sure.
40:46
We need to apologize.
40:47
We don't have the imagination and outside the box thought concepts to really wrap our
40:51
head around.
40:51
That's on us.
40:52
Yeah.
40:52
I need to, I'm going to need to get a really frilly puffy shirt for this.
40:56
So I'm going to come to this restaurant.
40:57
Can I call people out?
40:58
Can I go in the center, the main ring and just kind of look at the tables and call
41:03
someone out and fight them?
41:04
Like, is that possible?
41:05
That's how they pick.
41:06
So I don't necessarily have a qualm with any of these patrons.
41:10
I just, maybe I just see kind of an overweight lady.
41:12
I want to fight the lady.
41:14
Yeah.
41:14
But what you have to do though, because it is in the spirit of Jerry Springer show,
41:19
you have to accuse them of like infidelity or of being the father of the mother of your child.
41:27
So, you know, you come into that ring, you're, you know, yeah, raising your sword in the
41:32
air or whatever.
41:32
And then all of a sudden you point your sword at some woman and you're like, it's Belinda.
41:36
It's probably Belinda.
41:37
It's probably Belinda.
41:38
Belinda.
41:39
Yeah.
41:40
After the dining experience she had with Kenneth, there's no way she's going back.
41:44
After that, I'm not sure I want to fight Belinda because she is toughened up.
41:47
She looks like a fighter.
41:48
Belinda seems to be.
41:48
She is not afraid to fall.
41:49
I'll tell you that.
41:53
But yeah, you just, you challenge, you challenge her.
41:56
Now, is there a requirement to how much mead you have to drink before you
42:01
you do, you go up on stage and call anyone out?
42:04
Yeah.
42:04
I think they want.
42:05
You said mead, not meat.
42:06
Mead.
42:07
Mead to drink.
42:08
Can I drink meat?
42:10
It's not suggested.
42:12
Can I?
42:13
You want to be as agile as possible.
42:15
The mead really, really loosens you up.
42:17
You're more fluid.
42:19
They say don't drink too much, but you know, do what you want.
42:23
A little too much.
42:23
They don't cut you off.
42:24
Everybody knows their own limits.
42:26
You know.
42:27
What is, do you have a name for this place?
42:30
Spring Fest.
42:30
Spring.
42:31
Okay.
42:32
Lots of, lots of college students accidentally come to this place.
42:35
Yeah.
42:36
We get, we get a lot of people come in there that it's sort of a misnomer.
42:39
They, they don't, they don't understand what, what the restaurant's about, but
42:44
generally most of them leave satisfied.
42:47
Spring break is a hot time for you, isn't it?
42:49
Yeah, it is.
42:50
It is.
42:51
Yeah.
42:51
Yeah.
42:52
Cause coincidentally, this is in Panama city beach.
42:55
Oh yeah.
42:56
You kind of.
42:57
Yeah.
42:57
Yeah.
42:57
We're actually, we set up on a boardwalk.
43:00
There's an old rickety boardwalk is where we're, where we're located at.
43:03
So you're, you're on a boardwalk in Panama city beach named spring fest.
43:08
Yeah.
43:08
Nothing to do with the beach.
43:11
Real medieval.
43:12
I didn't, honestly, I didn't even know there was, is there a beach there?
43:15
It's in the name.
43:17
It's on a boardwalk.
43:18
On a boardwalk.
43:21
I thought that was just like a fun, a fun ironic name.
43:24
Oh, gotcha.
43:25
Like you thought it was like landlocked and.
43:27
Yeah.
43:28
Okay.
43:28
Yeah.
43:28
Okay.
43:29
You thought it meant like bored, like uninteresting walk.
43:33
And you're like, I need to spice this place up.
43:35
Well, that's why, I mean, that's why I got such a good deal on it.
43:37
It was such a boring walk.
43:38
It's a boardwalk.
43:39
Yeah.
43:41
People are not saying they're bored on that walk.
43:42
No, no, not anymore.
43:44
Not, not at spring fest.
43:46
No, I can see why people would be confused by that.
43:48
Now, do you sit atop a platform looking down on to the fighting arena as if you are the
43:56
king of the location?
43:57
Maybe, maybe, you know.
43:59
Yeah, it's a, it's a comedist from gladiator situation.
44:03
Yeah.
44:03
If I, if I'm, you know, interested in the, in the fight, a thumbs up.
44:09
If I think things are, you know, going poorly, it's a thumbs down.
44:12
Yeah.
44:12
If someone loses the, the Springer, like you're not the father.
44:17
Is there, how do I say this gently, a death penalty by guillotine, by hangman,
44:24
any type of medieval torture devices?
44:28
Yeah.
44:29
The person that loses, because they don't lose their life necessarily in the,
44:33
in the, the melee.
44:34
Yeah.
44:34
The arena.
44:35
Yeah.
44:36
So there is an execution situation and she can clean that up.
44:39
Is it, is it like a bar situation?
44:42
Like, you know, some bars will have the bell and they ring and everybody drinks,
44:45
but here at spring, Fezzett, you ring the bell is like, yeah.
44:48
Yeah.
44:49
And the head, we do like a death style based off of laws.
44:56
So we've got, we've got a guillotine in one corner and one corner, we've got like an
45:02
executioner with the black hood on the big acts.
45:05
You've got a DJ just like hovering his hand over one.
45:08
Yeah.
45:08
Like clap your hands if you want this one.
45:12
We've got a, like a black plague, like jarred away somewhere.
45:17
That one usually, we do not get a lot of people wanting that.
45:19
They're like, are people are here for blood?
45:22
Yeah.
45:23
Yeah.
45:24
I assume, I assume the health department doesn't really come around your place too often.
45:30
No, they don't.
45:31
We actually, because it's medieval themed and there was no health department in
45:35
Wow.
45:35
You keep it accurate.
45:36
medieval times.
45:38
They don't recognize the health department.
45:39
Yeah.
45:40
They don't, they don't recognize us.
45:41
We certainly don't recognize them.
45:45
We actually have, ironically, the apothecary is the bartender.
45:50
Oh, okay.
45:51
So, you know.
45:52
And he wears one of the huge Raven hoods.
45:54
Yeah.
45:54
Yeah.
45:55
He's got on the old plague beak, plague helmet.
45:58
Somebody's sick.
45:59
They just leech them.
46:00
I got a blood lead them.
46:02
Well, their, their medical advice is just have another mead.
46:06
Yeah.
46:06
Oh, you know, maybe drill a hole in a skull.
46:10
A light lobotomy.
46:11
Yeah.
46:11
A light lobotomy.
46:12
My wife is an acting correct today, lobotomy right there.
46:16
Yeah.
46:18
Yeah.
46:19
Anytime anybody tries to fight on your show, it's just, let's give them a lobotomy.
46:23
Calm them down a little bit.
46:24
Yeah.
46:25
Numb them up, you know, I would go to your restaurant.
46:27
Yeah.
46:27
I mean, I don't know if I would want to be in the show.
46:29
Oh, okay.
46:30
Well, that's, that's kind of disappointing.
46:32
I really don't want to risk the execution.
46:34
You have a qualm with Evan?
46:35
It sounds, you're disappointed by that.
46:36
Oh no.
46:37
It sounds like you wanted to, it sounds like you were.
46:38
I was hoping that Evan would come in there because I was going to come down from my box
46:44
and challenge him.
46:45
Nice.
46:45
What weapon would you go for to, to incapacitate Evan?
46:49
I would probably have to go with a long sword.
46:52
I feel like.
46:53
Long sword's a good choice.
46:54
I like the long sword.
46:55
You know, I feel like it's easy.
46:57
Everybody's going to say it.
46:58
It'll make, it'll make him feel insecure because it's a long sword.
47:02
He's like, are you saying something about me?
47:04
Historically, he does.
47:05
He's not great about the little insecure about my ins.
47:08
He sweats the small stuff.
47:11
Evan, what a weapon would you use to incapacitate Alan?
47:15
I like to think I'd use a medium sized dagger.
47:19
Okay.
47:19
Just kind of be quick with it.
47:20
Yeah.
47:21
Try to get around his long sword swings, you know, try to hit them quick and fast, you know?
47:26
I like these strategies.
47:27
Yeah, I think it's, I think that's good too.
47:29
I think you'd be an honorable, uh, honorable competitor.
47:33
He would, he would throw sand in your eyes so fast.
47:35
Yeah, no, I would not, but I would be honored to fight you.
47:40
We are on a beach so I can see where you would probably get the sand.
47:43
It's opportunistic at that point.
47:45
Well, not even at the beach.
47:46
I mean, I, I carry pocket sand most places.
47:48
No, there's a lot of sand around him.
47:51
It's just kind of leaking out of his pocket.
47:52
You never know when you're going to need some pocket sand.
47:58
Well, that's interesting.
47:58
That's interesting boys.
48:00
When we open up these restaurants, please feel free to anybody listening.
48:03
Come eat, enjoy, enjoy the atmosphere, energy and food.
48:07
But, uh,
48:08
Sphere emphasis on the fear.
48:09
Yeah.
48:10
A lot of, a lot of fear.
48:12
We like to invoke a good feeling of fear.
48:15
Yeah.
48:16
I don't know what it says about us.
48:17
Um, despite that people are writing in, we did an advice segment last week,
48:22
but the thing is people keep wanting to know how to live their lives.
48:27
So we're going to do another advice segment today.
48:29
A couple of people have written in and why would it be unethical and immoral to not do it?
48:35
I think it would be.
48:36
I think we have to do it.
48:37
We cannot pass up this opportunity.
48:39
Yeah.
48:40
I don't know what more there is we can say to these people.
48:42
I feel like we've given them so much advice already, but I mean,
48:46
there's a lot of knowledge stored up.
48:47
And a lot of knowledge.
48:49
We are three wells of knowledge.
48:52
Yeah.
48:52
People just well springs, well springs.
48:55
People just come and
48:58
finish this sentence.
48:59
Yeah.
48:59
No, hold on.
49:00
You thought.
49:05
Oh, boys.
49:06
Uh, listen, um, it's a long day.
49:11
It's been a long day.
49:14
Anyway, advice.
49:15
Let's read some, let's read some emails.
49:17
How can I help?
49:18
What can I do?
49:20
I want to do a nice thing for you.
49:22
I need help.
49:23
Our first seeker of wisdom is Eric and Eric writes in hello.
49:28
Question of the tour.
49:30
My name is Eric.
49:30
I've listened to all of your episodes and you guys always have me laughing.
49:34
You're welcome, Eric.
49:35
Yeah, we love bringing joy.
49:37
I really look forward to what you guys come up with every week.
49:40
The reason I'm emailing you guys is because I need some advice
49:43
is you guys are the wisest people I know of.
49:46
Obvious.
49:47
He's right.
49:48
At what point do you need to stop stating the obvious?
49:50
I think Eric's a wise guy.
49:52
I mean, it takes some wisdom to understand who the wisest people are.
49:55
Takes one to know one.
49:56
He continues.
49:57
While this is a serious situation, I wouldn't mind getting a good laugh out of it to help me relax.
50:03
Anyway, here it is.
50:05
My longtime girlfriend just told me that she's pregnant.
50:08
I am in my third year of college and do not have a job or much money.
50:12
What should I do to prepare for this baby while I am jobless?
50:16
And what is a quick and easy way to make money to help provide for my new child?
50:22
Thank you and hope to hear from you guys.
50:24
Eric.
50:25
Big, that's a rough situation.
50:27
Yeah, that's tough.
50:28
I mean, congratulations though, I guess for your new kid, Eric.
50:32
We look forward to hearing how that turns out.
50:34
But any advice for Eric as he brings a new life into this world without any money?
50:41
Now, let me just go ahead.
50:43
Oh, for people that are listening, Evan, every advice he takes the mic out of the stand.
50:49
The dynamic of the room really shifts when he does this.
50:53
Lights, dim.
50:54
He takes the con, you know, he has control of this room.
50:57
Yeah, lights, dim, jazz music starts playing in here.
51:00
I don't know what that's about.
51:02
Somebody's smoking a cigarette.
51:03
Somebody can't see where the smoke's coming from.
51:05
Yeah, it's kind of getting kind of smoky.
51:06
From the long ones, you two.
51:08
Yeah.
51:08
Eric, you're in for a treat.
51:10
Oh, Eric, I'm glad you came to us with this.
51:13
It's a tough situation, but it's also a happy situation, of course.
51:18
But my advice to you would be to just let loose of all your morals, all your ethics,
51:25
sell your body.
51:26
Oh, okay.
51:28
Really get in touch with nature and with social media and the local old geezers that,
51:36
you know, need a little friendly escorting, a little friendly love from a young gentleman
51:41
in his third year of college.
51:43
Sell that body.
51:44
Let what God gave you do some work for you, you know?
51:47
That's my advice.
51:50
Tell him to be a hooker.
51:51
You want Eric to be a hooker?
51:53
Yeah.
51:53
Okay.
51:55
In so many words.
51:56
Yeah, I mean, you really narrowed it down there, but.
51:59
That's called summarizing.
52:01
Yeah, sell your body.
52:03
You have a good price point for Eric, maybe to start selling his body on the streets.
52:07
Yeah.
52:08
What's he valued at?
52:10
Third year college young guy.
52:12
So he doesn't have a degree yet.
52:14
No.
52:14
But he's working on it.
52:16
Which I don't think plays a big part in hooking.
52:19
But it's like kind of like an internship, you know?
52:22
It gets you some good experience before you go into the real world.
52:25
So, I mean, I'd give him a solid, what, $15 an hour.
52:29
Oof.
52:29
Wow.
52:30
Depends on how good he can weld, I guess. How good his welds are.
52:33
Maybe that bumps him up to a 20.
52:35
I don't think Evan knows what hookers are.
52:37
Yeah, I'm kind of wondering.
52:38
Do you think welders, or do you think hookers are just people who weld hooks?
52:43
Yeah, I think they supply the fishing market.
52:46
And without them.
52:47
Gosh, I'm sorry.
52:49
We're sorry we assumed.
52:50
Eric, Evan wants you to maybe freelance.
52:53
Making bait and tackle.
52:55
Yeah.
52:55
Understandable.
52:56
Yeah, sell your body to a bait and tackle shop.
52:59
To really put the labor in.
53:01
Got you.
53:01
Make some hooks.
53:03
Become a hooker.
53:05
And really just harness your welding skills.
53:08
So to summarize what you're saying again, just get a job?
53:12
Yeah, pretty much.
53:13
I mean, that sums it up.
53:14
I think.
53:15
Break into the fishing industry.
53:17
Yeah.
53:18
See what you can do.
53:19
All right, Alan, what's your advice?
53:21
So, Eric, you're asking how to prepare for this baby.
53:24
I think what you need to start off doing is pretending to have your own baby.
53:29
Pretend that you are growing a baby inside of you.
53:32
And I want you to match the size of your body with your girlfriend's body as the pregnancy continues.
53:40
So constantly be stuffing your belly with pillows.
53:44
Yeah.
53:44
And so it's just to make sure you're on track with her.
53:47
I would say once it gets far enough along, maybe start complaining a little bit.
53:52
Your feet are swelling up.
53:53
Yeah, your ankles are swelling up.
53:55
You just don't feel good.
53:58
You're providing for two, you know.
54:01
You just want some tater tots.
54:06
Just what you just just beg for some comfort foods.
54:08
Wendy's still open.
54:09
Start craving combinations of foods that should scare people.
54:12
Yeah, like pickles and mayonnaise.
54:16
Yeah.
54:16
Just dip a pickle in mayonnaise.
54:18
What you do once you open your mouth, you're going to be like,
54:22
once you go through your fake pregnancy, write a book about it.
54:27
Because I think one thing that we don't hear enough of is pregnancy from a male's perspective.
54:34
That's a good point.
54:34
That's true.
54:35
That's a good point.
54:36
A lot of women have weirdly cornered that market.
54:38
Yeah.
54:39
And they try to take over the situation.
54:41
Yeah.
54:41
Which is so woman of them.
54:42
It may be kind of all about them.
54:45
If I know anything, male perspective is not given enough credit in this world.
54:49
That's right.
54:49
You know?
54:50
Yeah.
54:50
When Eric's girlfriend, baby mama, eventually has the child,
54:55
should Eric maybe have a child as well, but it's just kind of a greased up watermelon
55:00
and he raises that greased up watermelon as his own?
55:02
How far does Eric take this?
55:04
I think that all depends on book sales.
55:07
Okay.
55:08
How well did your initial book sell?
55:11
Spoiler alert, it's going to do great.
55:14
So you'll have to come up with that sequel of you raising a small child.
55:18
Market's not saturated for...
55:20
No.
55:21
...for male pregnancy perspectives, you know?
55:24
Yeah.
55:24
I think that's good.
55:26
No, I agree.
55:26
But I agree because what women want is someone that will fix their problems,
55:32
not listen to them.
55:33
They don't care about you listening to their problems.
55:35
No.
55:35
Just do it.
55:36
They want you to take the first thing that they say,
55:38
just do whatever they said it was, you know?
55:40
And just fix the problem.
55:42
So by taking on the pregnancy of your own,
55:46
you're really fixing a problem by learning what the real problems are.
55:49
And it's like, you know how men tend to do things a little bit better than women.
55:52
Exactly.
55:53
So you can show her how to be pregnant better.
55:55
Yeah.
55:56
You should be like, this is how you should be handling this.
55:59
And don't be surprised if you hear a lot of thank yous from her.
56:01
Yeah.
56:02
That's the first thing you're going to hear is a big old thank you.
56:09
Oh, that's good.
56:10
My advice to Eric is have more babies.
56:13
You seem like a virile guy.
56:16
You're having one, you can have another.
56:18
Have babies with other women.
56:20
Sell those babies on the black market.
56:22
You know which baby is the most important to you.
56:24
The original one.
56:25
That's right.
56:26
Have babies with other women.
56:27
Sell those babies on the black market.
56:29
You can sell them wholesale.
56:31
You can sell them full body.
56:32
You can sell them.
56:34
Peacemail.
56:36
Sell them for parts.
56:40
Like a 1994 Honda Civic.
56:42
And if you I'd say maybe if you have that second kid
56:45
and the sequel is better than the original, then I don't think anybody's going to look
56:51
too closely if you just if you just pawn that original.
56:54
Yeah.
56:56
And your baby mama of the original, she'll understand.
57:00
She got she gets it.
57:00
She needs the money.
57:01
Yeah.
57:02
Yeah.
57:02
She gets it.
57:03
You don't love these other women.
57:05
Yeah.
57:06
It's all it's just business.
57:08
It's just business.
57:08
It's not personal business.
57:10
Yeah.
57:11
That's why when you're actually making the babies with these women, wear a suit and tie.
57:14
Yeah.
57:15
It's fully business.
57:16
Yeah.
57:16
Hand them your business card.
57:18
What he means is a flight suit and a tie.
57:21
Not a not a three piece suit, a flight suit and a tie.
57:24
Don't need to look like you're from Top Gun.
57:28
But and if they say no, don't worry about that.
57:30
Do it anyway.
57:36
Don't take no for an answer.
57:38
But I don't know what the market value of a baby is, but I assume it's high.
57:43
I assume it will pay the bills.
57:44
So that's my advice to you.
57:46
Have more babies with other people.
57:48
Sell those babies off in an effort to supply and support your baby.
57:53
But Eric, you can run these ideas by your girlfriend and just kind of let us know what
57:59
which one she thinks.
58:00
Yeah.
58:01
Tell us, email us back.
58:01
Tell us what which option you're going to go with.
58:04
Yeah.
58:05
Yeah.
58:05
Who's to say you can't go with all the options, but yeah, I mean,
58:08
whenever you whichever one you're going with.
58:09
We know you're going to pick one at least.
58:11
So yeah, let us discuss it.
58:13
That's another important piece is discussing it with your girlfriend.
58:16
You know, really go through all the options, lay them out there.
58:19
Listen, if you can't support your family after hearing this, Eric, it's on you, man.
58:23
We've shown you the path.
58:24
It's on you to take it.
58:25
Yeah, that's right.
58:26
That's right.
58:26
But there you go, Eric.
58:27
Tell us which one you which one you picked.
58:29
But anyway, you have a hypothetical you want us to answer.
58:33
Question will lead to our podcast at Gmail.
58:35
Need some advice.
58:36
Same place.
58:37
We have a Twitter.
58:38
Nobody.
58:38
Nobody is there.
58:39
I don't understand it.
58:40
If you listen, tell your friends, join the cult.
58:43
You can also leave comments on Spotify.
58:46
Well, I think.
58:47
Yeah, apparently in our tick tocks.
58:50
We'll try to win our tick tock.
58:52
We'll try to read more comments and stuff that going on.
58:55
But and we are proud that we can read.
58:58
We try to flex that as much as we can.
58:59
We do.
59:00
But binges this episode.
59:01
Yeah, binges this episode binges the other 12.
59:04
I think this is the 12th episode.
59:06
Wow.
59:06
Yeah.
59:06
Anyway, you want to be done?
59:08
Yes, sir.
59:09
Let's get it.
59:10
No, it's there.