Latest / Questionable Detour / Shaving people's legs while under a table, having a kid fight an inmate, and creating a multi-dollar sock business!

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Shaving people's legs while under a table, having a kid fight an inmate, and creating a multi-dollar sock business! · Questionable Detour

• 0:00
  Excuse me, what is going on here?
• 0:04
  But first we're gonna make a little detour.
• 0:09
  So absurd, so questionable.
• 0:12
  Yeah, I guess we're just the weirdos.
• 0:15
  Expect the detour.
• 0:26
  You stubborn in Argentina?
• 0:28
  Yeah, I'm big into oil industry of Argentina.
• 0:31
  I assume there's oil in Argentina.
• 0:33
  I'm kind of at a loss because I don't know, is oil, is that like a thing?
• 0:37
  I thought so at the beginning of this sentence.
• 0:40
  But the more that I, the more that I got talking, I'm not really sure.
• 0:44
  Maybe that's why nobody listens to us. We don't know where the countries are. I don't know where the countries are down there.
• 0:49
  Yeah, well I was just gonna say with Alan's big oil industry, you know,
• 0:53
  he showed up on just a lot of barges, just a lot of large ships kind of coming for the oil and
• 1:00
  they happily nicknamed it Bargentina just right after him.
• 1:04
  Is that your biggest contribution that you made of wordplay?
• 1:08
  Yeah, I showed up to the country and they they made it a nickname. They gave it a nickname immediately after me being there.
• 1:16
  One thing about the Argentinians, they're not a creative bunch.
• 1:19
  They were, they were gonna, they would have called us
• 1:23
  Cargentina if we would have come up in cars. Like it's, I mean, they're, they've got one joke down there.
• 1:28
  So they said, where are you from? You said America. They said, oh, that's so fargentina. Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:35
  You mean as a Spanish speaking country, they make wordplays in English? Yep.
• 1:41
  Humor just hasn't landed there. They can only do very specific humor in English. Yeah. No humor in Spanish.
• 1:48
  No humor in Spanish. And you showed up there immediately had a joke. I mean you can imagine just
• 1:54
  we're pulling into port and I've got a mic on the on the deck just
• 1:58
  standing on a connex doing a stand-up bit. They're like, is this Carnival Cruises?
• 2:05
  No, it's just, it's just a barge just with his navy of barges pulling up.
• 2:11
  And you hop off in high vis gear looking for oil just surveying. Yeah. And that's your summer. That's your vacation.
• 2:19
  Yeah, my summer is a lot of work.
• 2:21
  I take off for three months, take off of my regular job to go down and dig for oil.
• 2:28
  With a entire crew to run my barges.
• 2:31
  I gotta ask have you found any oil yet or you just kind of, you were pre-
• 2:35
  No.
• 2:36
  Barges. Strangely enough, we haven't found any oil. The only oil we can find is already in people's vehicles. So
• 2:43
  we've been siphoning it out of the vehicles and putting it onto our barges. You've been frauding. Who have you been frauding?
• 2:51
  Well, I don't have investors. Yeah.
• 2:55
  You do with the oil then.
• 2:59
  I just take all the oil that I find during the summer months and then use it at my home during the winter months.
• 3:05
  I also have to somehow get back to America. So I use that oil for the boats as well. Okay.
• 3:11
  What do you use oil for the home? You know, we don't have electricity. So we use like oil lamps. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah with the
• 3:19
  You're kind of not able to kill whales anymore. So you can't use their
• 3:23
  can't use their blubber for uh
• 3:26
  for oil lamps. So is that what you say? Regular oil. Is that what you say when people are like, please stop stealing these poor
• 3:32
  Argentinians oil. You're like, well, let me kill whales and I will.
• 3:36
  I say point me to the nearest whale. Show me a humpback. Show me a big old sperm whale.
• 3:43
  Let me take out a harpoon and stab it a bunch. Yeah, you turn into Ahab.
• 3:49
  You have a mic in one hand and a harpoon in the other. It's all you know, it's all about presentation first off, you know,
• 3:57
  I want them to know that I've got something to say because I have a mic. Yeah. Um,
• 4:01
  And also wanted to know that I'm a bit of a warrior.
• 4:05
  Knock knock who's their harpoon. Harpoon. That's it. That's it. You didn't see a whale. No, no
• 4:13
  I haven't I've never seen a whale before.
• 4:16
  You're just like, I hope this one hits. Yeah, it's just me throwing it out of the water.
• 4:22
  I lose a lot of money on harpoons.
• 4:24
  Yeah, some of it only hit the water. You're just hitting the front deck. The the bow of this ship looks like a porcupine back. Yeah. Yeah.
• 4:35
  To be you
• 4:37
  It's just a you live your life one day at a time every day is a new adventure
• 4:42
  It's the same adventure except for the three months that are that are the exact same of me stealing oil from cars in argentina
• 4:48
  Yeah, you really emphasize having light in your house because the amount of oil you bring back because like you have so you have a
• 4:54
  Surplus of oil and like oil burning lamps. You don't burn a lot of oil. So like well we don't I mean
• 5:02
  We don't just light our house. We one of our things is we like to light local libraries
• 5:07
  Uh, because people people who study they like to do it the old-fashioned way
• 5:12
  Is this your belief or is it factual?
• 5:14
  Aren't you just going around the local libraries and just cutting the power to force?
• 5:19
  People to read by candlelight, you know now that you mention it. Yes
• 5:25
  Do I impose my beliefs on people because I think they should do what I want them to yeah. Yeah
• 5:32
  Is it wrong? I wish there was a way we could determine if I was wrong, but i'm
• 5:37
  But there's no way to do it. So local libraries are now reading by candlelight
• 5:41
  Right good luck figuring out the dewy decimal system
• 5:46
  With your oil lamp
• 5:49
  Go back to the way they wrote the constitution. That's right. That's right. Just a room full of white men making decisions
• 5:58
  If you have argentinian friends
• 6:00
  We don't have any listeners in argentina, which we think
• 6:04
  Is a travesty. I think probably the biggest travesty like list off travesties right now
• 6:08
  Like the holocaust would you?
• 6:10
  No, not a good one. You couldn't come up with like nine to eleven different tragedies
• 6:17
  None are ringing a bell
• 6:19
  Um, well your list is very short. So it makes it easy for the argentinian situation to hit the top of the list
• 6:25
  Like for me and alan we'd have to argue why this is a bigger travesty than the holocaust
• 6:33
  I'm just not seeing it. He's not seeing it. Do you want to light a lamp an oil lamp?
• 6:36
  Let me let me light an oil lamp for you. Zach if you can edit in the sound of an oil lamp just being
• 6:45
  I don't know. I think you'll figure it out
• 6:49
  Put the sound of me like putting it down onto the table scooting it over to evan
• 6:56
  Just put the cup on the table and scoot it you're supposed to produce this show
• 7:00
  So you want me to be a full-blown sound engineer
• 7:06
  I want you to have a a morning radio show soundboard where when we say things you just
• 7:14
  Lots of like air horns and spring. Yeah. Oh, I thought of one. Oh, did they give women the right to vote? Yeah
• 7:21
  There it is. Oh, well the argentinian thing worse than that
• 7:25
  So if you're from argentina listen, please we we need we need the listeners down there to be honest with you
• 7:34
  Yeah, god, please somebody we're trying to come up with a little bit more diversity on the show
• 7:37
  What you want to speak spanish real quick just to show that we're trying?
• 7:41
  Uh, what's the spanish for? Uh, no
• 7:45
  Sorry, uh, no
• 7:48
  Well accent over though
• 7:50
  Uh squiggly line whatever it's called. Welcome to questionable detour
• 7:56
  Let's do a hypothetical dave. Can I pose a somewhat abstract purely hypothetical question?
• 8:02
  I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question. Well, that's a hypothetical question
• 8:08
  All right. So our hypothetical for today involves being a waiter or waitress where i'm not putting you on a box
• 8:15
  You're allowed to be a waitress as well. Y'all would be beautiful women. I mean just put a wig on one of you and
• 8:22
  wife be warned
• 8:24
  You thought about this
• 8:27
  Not too much but also not too little what's a what's an amount that's too weird
• 8:36
  Like I I want to know the amount that's too weird but also
• 8:39
  I want to know the amount where you just you say to me zach. You haven't thought about this enough
• 8:44
  That's that I want the godylock zone
• 8:47
  Which is ironically what I would call y'all in a wig
• 8:50
  I wanted the godylock zone of how much can I think about y'all in a wig before it's too weird if you're thinking about
• 8:56
  Us in wigs more than you're thinking about bath water going down a shower drain then it's too much
• 9:03
  It's it's a weird bar to set but
• 9:05
  It is there's no other bar out there for this. No. No, that is that is I just checked that is the only bar
• 9:14
  But anyway waiter or if y'all were so if y'all were to be a waiter or waitress serving others bringing
• 9:22
  Their food, how would y'all go about it?
• 9:24
  So for me, it's all about keeping what's important when you're waiting and when you're not waiting
• 9:29
  So before you even pull up to a or your restaurant to work your shift and you're just living your everyday life
• 9:35
  What are you thinking is the most important thing family?
• 9:39
  Friends, what's the the lord all that what's behind all that love? Oh
• 9:45
  That's got very wholesome. Okay
• 9:48
  So I just want to make sure that's reciprocated in my work life. Sure. Don't interrupt me. No
• 9:54
  I'm along for the ride. Yeah, I want people to feel loved when I wait on them
• 9:59
  That's great at the restaurant very hospitable of you, right?
• 10:02
  So, of course there's different ways that we're gonna do that and address that and how we're gonna display that love and most of that is physical
• 10:09
  I wish go ahead and say that most of it. If not all of it is physical
• 10:15
  Maybe you take their drink order. Mm-hmm. And they're like, oh I want some water
• 10:20
  Like oh, I love that for you. You're such a healthy queen
• 10:25
  And you're like before I go and get you this water
• 10:27
  Let me give you a little bit of love until I get back. So i'll just give them one big lick down the side of the face
• 10:35
  Just say you
• 10:36
  You think about that while I go get your water
• 10:40
  Because that moisture that's on the side of your face
• 10:43
  Just think about that sliding down your gullet whenever you're drinking this water. Oh my god
• 10:47
  I don't know that's any better
• 10:51
  When when you're getting hydrated from this this water you just ordered and I just brought to you
• 10:56
  Just think of the love I put into it, you know
• 11:00
  They're gonna think they're gonna make you spit in their glass
• 11:05
  If you lick their face and go do you see how there's parallel between the wetness on the side of your cheek
• 11:11
  And the water in this glass and you say think of the love it's not a leak
• 11:15
  You get there very easily
• 11:18
  I do not spit in their drink
• 11:20
  Sure when i'm hitting the little lever to pour the water at the water fountain am I like really into it?
• 11:26
  Yeah, and i'm sitting there like it's pouring like and i'm like, oh yeah
• 11:31
  Get in there
• 11:33
  Oh, that's gonna feel so good going down their gullet
• 11:37
  That is some good water, yeah, uh, yeah, sure I do that i'll say I do that
• 11:42
  I feel like you kind of like maybe kiss the glass of water
• 11:46
  As you send it out. Well, I have health codes to maintain. So, okay. Sure. I'll do like a little you know
• 11:53
  Kiss with my hand and motion to the glass right? Yeah, like a kiss. Yeah
• 11:58
  To just make sure that it knows that it's it's loved so it gets there with a little bit of love on it
• 12:02
  You know and just add that little extra spice to the water. Yeah, he's
• 12:08
  He's saying he doesn't add anything to the water
• 12:10
  But everything he's saying the picture that's being painted says otherwise
• 12:16
  Adding a little extra spice to the water the quote unquote love he's calling out is really ambiguous
• 12:23
  Yeah, yeah, i'm thinking he's drugging people. I think he's putting ecstasy in the water the love drug
• 12:29
  Because yeah, he might leave the table and those poor patrons are petrified after he
• 12:36
  Licked up their the same thing
• 12:38
  He licked up their the side of their face why they haven't left is beyond me
• 12:42
  They take one sip of that water and the next time he comes back
• 12:46
  They are just rubbing themselves on the back of the chair and just so happy to be alive
• 12:53
  He just kind of walks back to the table. I see things have already started
• 12:58
  Y'all begun without me just kind of swaying in their seats. Yeah, they're like hey waiter evan
• 13:04
  You always had that hair
• 13:07
  Going back to the licking
• 13:10
  Let's say there's a table of five
• 13:15
  People can't see this but evan just did math in his head visible math
• 13:20
  Do you just lick one or do you go for all five? It depends on what they order. Oh
• 13:25
  So water. Yeah, it's a good lick anybody that gets a water they get away. I'm i'm walking out too
• 13:30
  I'm licking them and putting some moisture on their face. Of course. Yeah, that's just love. Um, if they get a drink that
• 13:36
  Maybe has a little bit too much sugar in it
• 13:37
  Maybe they get like a just a large strawberry margarita or something like that with just a lot of sugar
• 13:44
  Alcohol in it and i'm like that's like baby that's that's nice, but that's not that great for you. You know, it's not it's no water
• 13:50
  Um, so I kind of give them just like a kind of like brush them with my lips
• 13:54
  I'm not gonna give them a full lick you give them like butterfly kisses
• 13:57
  Oh, yeah with like your eyes and your eyelashes you kind of give them a little little butterfly kiss on their cheek
• 14:04
  Do a little bit of butterfly kisses and just let them know we're not there yet, but we could be if you just
• 14:11
  If you would just hydrate
• 14:13
  This would go a lot better. I just want what's best for them now
• 14:17
  What if there's a table of five and they each get water?
• 14:21
  Now I like to imagine that they're sitting around this round table and they're petrified by the fact
• 14:27
  You just lick the first patron. They're like, oh my gosh, that might be a one-off. This guy's nuts
• 14:31
  But all of a sudden you just lick the second one by the third one they realize
• 14:35
  This is coming around to me
• 14:38
  Are they still sitting there? Are they moving?
• 14:42
  Has one pulled a gun on you now?
• 14:44
  Have you ever looked a deer dead in the eyes whenever you're approaching it with a moving vehicle?
• 14:49
  They are stunned and they cannot move
• 14:51
  Because they are overwhelmed with love because the mac truck that is your tongue is coming
• 14:59
  It's coming and it's gonna do damage
• 15:02
  Some bones may be broken. That's all i'm gonna say my windshield may not make it out of this, but i'm doing it anyway
• 15:10
  You know, what do you say to them? Are they are they're sweet nothings that you you might whisper in their ear
• 15:16
  We say that for dessert, baby. Okay
• 15:18
  I didn't I didn't order anything. You don't gotta call me baby. Just drinks, baby
• 15:25
  So this is just a drink. So let's say alan orders a steaming hot chicken quesadilla
• 15:32
  That's a good one. What's your uh, what's your go-to sign of love for a nice?
• 15:37
  Just a hearty dinner something like that. I wanted to know what's coming
• 15:41
  Yeah, uh when they get received their meal so alan puts his order into me saying chicken quesadilla. See how big boy
• 15:46
  That's a that's a good order
• 15:49
  I want him you say that very close to him. I say big boy that that order right there is pristine
• 15:56
  How much are you grabbing his thigh when this happens? Not a little
• 16:03
  Not an insignificant amount yeah, nice very noticeable
• 16:08
  So I want to leave him with something that's gonna last it's gonna carry him until his dinner arrives
• 16:13
  Yeah, I want some some love to be bestowed upon him. So he knows what's coming for him when that dinner arrives
• 16:18
  And so I like to pick him up just slightly bend him over the table and give him a nice smack on the tushy
• 16:28
  He likes it just a little tap
• 16:32
  Just something to leave a little burning sensation while he's waiting on his food
• 16:36
  So he doesn't stop thinking about me because he loves me
• 16:39
  So let's say alan orders a water and a chicken quesadilla. You're gonna lick the side of his face
• 16:45
  And then give him a little spanking. Don't forget about the thigh grab at the beginning
• 16:50
  Alan forget about alan will you ever feel more loved?
• 16:54
  At that situation
• 16:55
  I I don't know that I will that's a lot of physical contact
• 17:00
  And not your standard ones either. Yeah, that's not like a handshake. No, no you you give this to somebody do they
• 17:06
  You're guaranteeing them to feel love. There's there's no feeling of assault in this. No, this is all love, baby. It's all
• 17:14
  So it's all love or it's all love baby
• 17:18
  Do you think it's gonna be something that he's gonna do for the rest of our time, you know
• 17:23
  I think I think it could work for him
• 17:26
  Evan's gonna start wearing a gold chain and everything's gonna end in baby. Yeah
• 17:30
  Yeah, baby gonna be leaned against any wall never standing upright always always propped up against something
• 17:38
  Gotta get my long cigarettes out
• 17:42
  All right, so what do you do after the order's been placed they've eaten and uh, they asked for the check what's your
• 17:49
  Go to for when you you finally hand the check see the thing is when when you're handing them the check
• 17:55
  That's your big sell. I'm a man. I gotta make money. Sure. I need a good tip
• 17:59
  But this is your last chance to win them on your side. You kind of got to go all out for this one
• 18:05
  You have to go out for this one
• 18:09
  All right, let's hear it
• 18:11
  When you're putting that check down you glance across the table
• 18:14
  Look at each person straight in their eyes and you make a mad dash for them. How far away are you?
• 18:19
  Just on the other side of the table. Okay
• 18:23
  But you want to be on them not on
• 18:26
  You want to be
• 18:29
  Rushing them as fast as you can to get to their lips as fast as you can
• 18:34
  You want to lay one good smacking on them like one like cartoonish kiss?
• 18:40
  Absolutely, you want them and yourself to be just sopping wet when it's over
• 18:46
  Like around your face if you're to be sopping wet because you came over the table you knocked over the glasses
• 18:52
  Yeah
• 18:54
  A lot of steak sauce you did a sliding right through that quesadilla
• 18:59
  Just cheese everywhere. I I like that you didn't eat the quesadilla because you're so mortified
• 19:05
  You lost your appetite completely. Yeah, I I don't know if we're allowed to leave here now
• 19:11
  Seems like an active crime scene
• 19:13
  so you want to
• 19:15
  You want to lay a slop or sloppy one on each one of them?
• 19:18
  Yeah, and then at the end of it whoever goes to take the put their card, you know with the check and pay for it
• 19:24
  You immediately get on one knee and you propose to them. Yeah
• 19:26
  you propose to everybody that pays you do because
• 19:32
  You want them to know you love them enough to marry them right now. You're committed. Yeah
• 19:36
  Yeah, you're committed to them. If only they'll just give you a better tip. How many people say yes have not had one yet
• 19:42
  Yeah, but there's always hope for tomorrow. There's always the next table. There's always someone else to love heaven forbid
• 19:49
  Somebody walk into this restaurant get seated in your section. Yeah the
• 19:54
  The uh
• 19:56
  The hostess she's gonna go. Oh welcome table of four. She's gonna write it down and then realize
• 20:03
  That it's they're gonna have to get sat in your section and she's gonna look up and be like, oh no
• 20:09
  I apologize whispering. I'm so sorry
• 20:15
  I'm so sorry. Follow me. I imagine this poor group of people gets back into their car
• 20:22
  And they just have to sit there for a second just blankly staring out the front of their way. They're all going to therapy
• 20:30
  The dad's just kind of tapping on the window steering wheel
• 20:33
  They breathe and they're like, what'd you say?
• 20:35
  Huh, what?
• 20:38
  They just go back and forth like they're just not in the moment at all
• 20:41
  The wife's like are we gonna and the husband's like no not not no. No, just just sit
• 20:46
  just
• 20:47
  sit
• 20:49
  They turn on the car and a love song comes on and they turn it immediately. They're like, huh?
• 20:55
  We never talk about this. Yeah
• 20:58
  Uh, um, what kind of tips do you get?
• 21:01
  And I mean that specifically
• 21:05
  Just robust ones
• 21:07
  Big old tips. Okay
• 21:10
  So we leave it at that is so we leave it at that seems like a good place to good place to move on
• 21:15
  Give them love as a waiter
• 21:19
  Where you draw the line is strictly up to you it seems heaven always a little rapey
• 21:24
  All right, alan you take over your shift
• 21:29
  At a high-end restaurant. How are you as a waiter?
• 21:32
  So when I go up to the table, I meet the meet the nice family
• 21:36
  I like to tell them a little bit about our menu. I like to tell them look all of our food
• 21:42
  ethically sourced
• 21:43
  Fair traded all of our meat comes from free range animals
• 21:48
  And that's all great. However, the staff at this restaurant not ethically sourced
• 21:55
  Not fairly traded
• 21:59
  And uh not free range
• 22:03
  Not for your okay not free i'm not gonna jump into any conclusions so you can continue
• 22:07
  They're fine outside of work. Okay, but the minute that they walk in the door
• 22:12
  They go to the restaurant and they're like, okay, I'm gonna go to the restaurant. I'm gonna go to the restaurant
• 22:17
  They walk in the door. They go over to a little section of the restaurant that is
• 22:21
  Fenced off. They've got a little small
• 22:24
  not coop but
• 22:27
  Maybe a coop
• 22:29
  Where they have to climb into and they wait there until it's time to go to a table
• 22:37
  And then we direct the waiters out to the table
• 22:39
  Do you put them on you know, like a dog lead or like a run a wire that goes from one side to the other
• 22:44
  You put it in a collar. Yeah, they've got a cable a series of cables going from the roof just so they don't get too far away
• 22:51
  So they don't get lost. Yeah. Yeah
• 22:54
  They're walking up with chains on their feet to the table and they're like hi, my name is zach
• 23:00
  Would you like to what would you like to order and then I kind of snap out of it i'm like specials
• 23:05
  Oh, sorry, would you like to hear of our specials are they in like orange jumpsuits? Yeah
• 23:14
  Yeah
• 23:16
  So what it is is we look for people who have been
• 23:20
  Convicted, you know, they used to be locked up
• 23:22
  We look for people who want a second chance and that's mainly because there's so many
• 23:28
  Bars, you know and fences in our restaurant keeping people in
• 23:33
  We're looking for people who have experience being in
• 23:37
  You know we by second chance you mean a second chance to go to prison a second chance
• 23:43
  To go to prison. Yeah, do it all over again and do it right
• 23:49
  You know sometimes you know people can't they can't really function outside of prison, you know, they they make that assumption
• 23:55
  It's a big assumption. They wake up the next morning, you know after they're after they're out of prison
• 24:00
  They go grab their soap bar. Oh, wow. It's not hollowed out. There's not a ship inside here
• 24:06
  You know, they don't they they don't know what to do. So what they do is they come to look at
• 24:11
  This high-end restaurant that we have the menus three things the menus three things
• 24:18
  One and one of them is mush. It's just it's just called mush
• 24:24
  But they see these fences and they see the barbed wire and they get to thinking they say it feels like home
• 24:28
  Yeah, let me let me apply. Well, they don't have to apply because we didn't source them ethically we
• 24:35
  We just take them and shove them in the fence. They left
• 24:38
  The prison gates and right into a van like yeah
• 24:42
  It was like, you know, it was super nice that the that the prison, you know allowed them transportation out
• 24:47
  You know after they got released from jail turns out it's not the prison. It's me. Yeah, i've got a van
• 24:53
  i'm bringing these these convicts to
• 24:56
  a better jail
• 24:58
  A jail that allows my restaurants a profit. So what do you do as the waiter?
• 25:04
  Are you just a waiter in like a guard uniform?
• 25:06
  Like just swing in a baton
• 25:09
  Like like head waiter. Yeah, but don't have to be on a cable
• 25:14
  Not doing that
• 25:16
  Um, yeah, I I do have the baton though. Um, so like if I if I see him getting slow or like maybe on the floor gambling
• 25:24
  I come over there and like I hit him behind the knees and i'm like, all right back to work table four
• 25:31
  You know, you know how prisoners do they're always they're always gambling just playing jacks
• 25:37
  Do you strip search them every time they come into work?
• 25:39
  No, what I do is I just come in and I we keep them sick. So it's it's it's like unhealthy
• 25:46
  Yeah, yeah, we keep we keep them unhealthy. So they've always got at least a mild cold
• 25:50
  So they're coughing and everything. So I say cough and do it right?
• 25:55
  So in your bathroom, it doesn't say employees must wash hands it says employees should not wash hands
• 26:03
  They should not wash hands. In fact, they should lick the doors
• 26:07
  But yeah, if they give me one good cough, I'll know they're not trying to sneak anything in or i'll find it
• 26:13
  Yeah, if they cough and you hear like a metal clang hit the floor. Yeah, like uh, yeah, then i'll know. Okay
• 26:18
  Well, we have plenty of shivs here. Yeah, you didn't need to sneak them in. This is also prison
• 26:25
  In the roles that your your restaurant has are there shivs hidden like did the patrons have to like really?
• 26:33
  Like maybe search the roles for shivs
• 26:36
  well, they're they're actually not in the roles they're in the uh,
• 26:39
  The napkins that the silverware are rolled up into yeah, but it's not everyone so it's kind of like if you get one
• 26:44
  It's sort of like a prize. Yeah, like you know, everybody else is getting their normal forks and knives. Well this guy he got a
• 26:51
  Toothbrush with an exacto blade in it, you know like he wins
• 26:56
  Hitting the wonka golden ticket
• 26:58
  Yeah, and see and one of the cool things about the restaurant is though is that like you can kind of you could barter with
• 27:02
  The staff so like obviously that's something that's a keen item that they'd be so like they'd be interested in getting you bring in a pack
• 27:09
  Of ramen
• 27:10
  Yeah, you may I mean that's that's serious that that that is serious. You can trade that
• 27:16
  Ramen or toothbrush with an exacto blade in it, you know trade that to the to the inmates
• 27:21
  So if they win the the shiv lottery, do they then get to go stab one of the waiters? They they get uh
• 27:30
  Like it's a little prize
• 27:32
  Yeah, they so they they can trade with the inmates but you know, like you like you're saying they can they can start a riot
• 27:38
  Yeah, I was gonna ask are there riots in prison breaks?
• 27:42
  Yeah, so
• 27:43
  You know, they say you always want to like try to fight the biggest guy in prison
• 27:47
  So I mean if you're the if you're the guy with a knife or the the shiv you go try and find the biggest waiter
• 27:52
  so you go in there and you just kind of
• 27:55
  not really to the death because
• 27:57
  We still need people to work right?
• 27:59
  But if you lose if you lose they take your place as the patron as the patron
• 28:05
  Yeah, and then you're the staff. So that former inmate current inmate waiter now goes home with your family
• 28:13
  So every waiter is just they see the shiv on the table like go for it. Yeah, go on and go wish you would
• 28:21
  Seems like pure chaos and not a family restaurant I would say well
• 28:25
  No, no
• 28:28
  Family families are advised not to not to come there because I mean, let's say your kid gets the shiv. Yeah
• 28:34
  Yeah, well, he's not he's not winning a fight, you know, he's he's gonna be stuck there as a as an employee prisoner
• 28:43
  And then the family who lost their I did not dead but lost their child to
• 28:49
  Employment, uh, they're gonna go home with a six seven three hundred pound man pretending to be their nine-year-old son
• 28:56
  Yeah, but the cool thing about it is he's he's already familiar with the bunk bed system
• 29:00
  So there's nothing nothing new for him there. He's he can be a kid
• 29:05
  He turned the corner go in that kid's room and go let's go little Timmy and he's just in there like sharp and whittling
• 29:14
  Wait so this whole system of them trading places whenever they get off their shift and like little Timmy gets off his shift
• 29:19
  Does he just go home and like he goes to where the inmate lives?
• 29:26
  Which is not a good I mean, it's whatever house you get outside of prison, I mean
• 29:29
  I
• 29:31
  Would like to know if people listening would rather go to Evans or Allen's
• 29:37
  Whose restaurant what restaurant was the restaurant called by the way? It's called the chained restaurant
• 29:42
  We've got minimum security
• 29:45
  Maximum fun fun. It's not a chain restaurant
• 29:48
  Like it doesn't have multiple locations, but it is a chain restaurant. It's chained only because all the employees are
• 29:54
  This this restaurant would not would not survive in a franchise chain situation
• 30:01
  It's singular one spot. Well, let me throw my bit in here is what I would do as a waiter
• 30:07
  I want to give them the best experience
• 30:10
  I want to dote on them as much as possible and sure I'm gonna give them food and give them drink
• 30:17
  But I want to I want to pamper them
• 30:20
  And here's how I'll go I will hire a creepy little slinky man
• 30:25
  That go runs around under the tables, right?
• 30:29
  He sees an unshaving leg
• 30:33
  Under one of these tables, he'll take out a
• 30:37
  Razor and just and shave his leg and shave her leg just to give them a nice shave
• 30:44
  Will it be fair?
• 30:46
  Give them a nice shave. Will it be dry? Will it have shaving cream? No
• 30:55
  Absolutely, I know the razor
• 30:58
  Does not get changed. It's the same razor for every leg
• 31:03
  But guess what they have now like nice. Well, not nice. They have not clean. They have a shaving leg
• 31:10
  Maybe I see that they have
• 31:12
  Grown too much hair on top of their head while maybe they're looking in the menu
• 31:17
  I come up with a clipper just buzz right over their head
• 31:21
  Just give them a quick haircut and not even like a full one. Is this yours? It's still the slinky man
• 31:26
  while the slinky skinny little goblin man would I would akin to
• 31:32
  Smeagol or golem from who are the rings while he is shaving their legs?
• 31:37
  I'm gonna go ahead and take that clipper and just go right down the middle of their heads
• 31:40
  So they're kind of gritting their teeth because it is not a sharp razor blade down there afraid to move. Yeah
• 31:48
  Too many razors near him. Yeah
• 31:51
  I'm just gonna go right down the middle of their head that way
• 31:54
  They just look a little bit nicer
• 31:56
  Maybe I go to do it to myself right in front of them. Just shave my right sure you're all on the same page
• 32:04
  Maybe the golem like figure under the table once again a little foot bath
• 32:09
  He just a bucket just of water
• 32:13
  Fishy water doesn't take off their shoes
• 32:18
  Dips just dips their foot right in that
• 32:21
  Just five gallon bucket that he's found in the back probably a mop bucket this guy this slinky golem man
• 32:27
  Seems like the kind of guy that would be singing sort of not loudly but singing kind of quietly as he as he does it
• 32:34
  Yeah, fully. Yeah. Yeah, like he's a little too into it
• 32:37
  He gets pleasure from like he's like singing like a folk song. Yeah, not a song, you know
• 32:43
  One that makes you like kind of apprehensive. Yeah, the days are long the nights are short
• 32:51
  I'll see you in tomorrow's court
• 32:54
  Just something that doesn't make any sense vaguely like ambiguous
• 32:59
  European folk song
• 33:02
  Yeah, he's
• 33:04
  Not wearing too many clothes, but enough, you know, maybe I take I pin their hand on the table paint their nails
• 33:10
  Now we'd like a that would like nail polish just with a normal size paintbrush
• 33:17
  And just wall paint and just go right over their hand like sure
• 33:20
  Yeah, the rest of the hands painted but the nails get painted too, which I think they're going for
• 33:27
  It's kind of like an art project of all the people I've ruined yeah
• 33:32
  Looks like a cave painting have you ever thought of using a paint sprayer or a roller?
• 33:38
  Maybe as they leave I'll just hit him with a paint spray. Yeah, I'm just kind of leave silhouettes on the walls. They leave
• 33:45
  But they'll be running so their arms will be like up and suspended in the air
• 33:50
  Yeah, they'll have the silhouette of them leaving the child behind
• 33:55
  As they leave they'll like tell a story the whole way
• 33:58
  Like tell a story the whole way how a family abandoned their children shows the child's outstretched arms
• 34:05
  As the parent just runs away go and paint a little blue tear
• 34:12
  And then like some weird man with them like really long greasy hair kind of comes and takes the child
• 34:18
  I can't I can't I can't see the light of the man. I can't you watch the whole thing
• 34:25
  You're just spraying everyone that went by just a silhouette of a greasy haired man kind of
• 34:32
  Ushering away this child into a dark van. I
• 34:36
  like how
• 34:37
  His hair is so greasy that you can tell that just from the overspray of the paint you can tell
• 34:43
  There's a there's a weird sheen to it yeah
• 34:48
  But yeah, you know I I will pamper myself table to help shave my head
• 34:53
  Shave my legs just throw my leg right up on the table
• 34:57
  Just like as if I'm a girl in the shower to shave in my leg. I can sing a merry tune
• 35:02
  Maybe have the golem slinky man
• 35:05
  You know pour a bucket of water over me as if I am in the shower
• 35:08
  While I'm taking their order you just want to be on the same level as as the people come into your
• 35:13
  Restaurant pampered to I deserve it. I'm working hard taking all these people's orders
• 35:17
  Yeah, and by the end of the day you'll look like Britney Spears when she was having a meltdown
• 35:23
  Yeah, and I say this out of the kindness of my heart and with all the love for you
• 35:28
  But I don't know if I want your love after I do think you need to see a therapist I
• 35:34
  You and the golem and together
• 35:38
  Me and the golem and see
• 35:40
  Therapists all the time when they come in to eat do they come in for research purposes? I'm not sure
• 35:45
  They come in said at a what I take their order either way
• 35:48
  They're asking me all these personal questions and do a lot of writing while they're in there. Yeah, yeah
• 35:52
  I'm like no no order. This is the menu stop talking to tell me your order
• 35:57
  Tell me your orders. I'm talking. I you know, I don't my dad is not on this menu
• 36:00
  Why are you asking about him so much? What is your relationship with the slinky man?
• 36:04
  Allen does the slinky man just kind of sound not real
• 36:14
  Does it sound like it could be Zack in a greasy wig
• 36:19
  Just rolling around on the floor yes, it does sound
• 36:24
  Like I have a most like I have multiple personalities like at one minute
• 36:28
  I'm taking the order of these people and then my the light behind my head
• 36:32
  I'm taking the order of these people and then my the light behind my eyes just goes out
• 36:37
  Yeah, just suddenly like a shark trying to bite something like the other eyes rolled back in their head
• 36:42
  And then I just throw on a wig and go to the table really quick
• 36:46
  Look down the menu and they look back up and you're gone
• 36:49
  Filling my hand like fingers on their legs
• 36:54
  They feel your greasy hair first
• 36:56
  Across their feet down there just swinging his head back and forth
• 37:01
  Maybe really I can't answer that question
• 37:04
  Because the one personality doesn't remember the person what happens in the other personalities time, you know
• 37:09
  Oh, but yeah, I'm saying that's why I was saying this seems like a question for your therapist
• 37:16
  Really just asking Allen about that to make sure he was on the same page with yeah, no, I'm following you
• 37:21
  I was kind of wondering if we were to ask you is the slinky man here with us now what you would say
• 37:28
  Have you looked under the table? But well you did confirm that you don't know what what he's doing
• 37:34
  I got it. He's his own person. Mm-hmm. I am afraid to not look at you. I
• 37:39
  Think one of us needs to have our eyes on him at all times
• 37:41
  That way we we don't risk him scampering under the table and getting out that rusty blade
• 37:47
  singing my singing my
• 37:51
  Is there like a third personality that cooks the food?
• 37:56
  Yeah, I just put on an old greasy apron and turn around to just a hot plate that I've been carrying
• 38:02
  Not on something just in my hand. It's burning my hand
• 38:06
  actively
• 38:08
  Just like grid nursing my teeth as like it just burns
• 38:12
  I'm just like kind of you know cooking some eggs or something
• 38:15
  You know personality switches back and I'm back to the waiter and the person I switches again. I'm right under the table
• 38:24
  I just drop it like it's the moment of personality switch. It just falls right to the ground
• 38:29
  I figured you had like the the plate just burning a hole in your hand and you turn around you're like, oh
• 38:35
  I play it drop it in your hand. It's just like searing red blisters all over it. It's the other two personalities. They feel pain. Yeah
• 38:45
  It's also kind of like a Mexican restaurant when you get fajitas and like
• 38:50
  But you know as the the cook I have like a very New York accent I have tattoos
• 38:55
  Yeah, that I guess I have to tattoo on me
• 38:59
  Between the transition from waiter to cook I guess
• 39:03
  You know you have to get it removed every time he turns this back
• 39:06
  And when you're back in the kitchen, you're like bark you bark orders and instead of people saying yes chef
• 39:11
  It's just you saying yes chef to you. Yeah, I'm like get this plate out. Yes, chef
• 39:15
  I just like switch places and then the scene changes and the twist is I am also
• 39:23
  the patron
• 39:25
  It just the camera pulls out and it's just me eating just like a dead rat like that even cooked
• 39:33
  Sounds like a really weird student art film. Yeah
• 39:37
  Yeah, you are senile
• 39:39
  And then as it as it fades to black it just sees me switching between each of the personalities and then just phase the black
• 39:48
  That's the end it sounds like you have to switch
• 39:51
  That's the end it sounds like you have serious problems
• 39:54
  Yeah, yeah, there's there's a lot of underlying issues and we only have an hour here done
• 39:58
  So no time to unpack is a lifetime of issues that cannot be unpacked in the hour that we have but I do tip myself well
• 40:06
  So I'm just saying maybe also try to be the patrons to your waiter. You know, you never end up with any more money though
• 40:15
  It's just yeah changing the same hand no matter how well you tip you have the same amount of money
• 40:20
  I
• 40:22
  You say that but I tip myself and then the cook buy cigarettes and the golem slinky man. I
• 40:29
  Don't know you gotta get their cut. Yeah. Well if if there are any businesses restaurants
• 40:35
  eateries that would like to hire us three to be all the waitstaff and we're available
• 40:42
  Well trained we get it
• 40:44
  We know why you want to hire us we we understand Zack is five different guys. So you only have to pay me one salary though
• 40:51
  So it's a steal to the profit margins. So as dedicated listeners will know Alan lives a double life
• 40:59
  He has two families. He has multiple jobs when he walks into the studio
• 41:05
  The secretary here greets him with hey two-face
• 41:08
  Because he lives a completely other life outside of
• 41:13
  Outside of questionable detour. It's nicer than what the secretary used to call me though
• 41:18
  What's he used to call you? Hey old button muncher. She didn't she didn't think very highly of me
• 41:25
  Secretary's my wife
• 41:27
  We've talked about this is my house
• 41:30
  And she does not like Alan so in saying that we're gonna read a news article
• 41:36
  About Alan and his adventures we interrupt this program for a breaking news story
• 41:42
  breaking news
• 41:44
  Hold on this breaking news
• 41:47
  As fate may have it we have one right here
• 41:50
  It starts like this in a bizarre turn of events local entrepreneur Alan has unveiled his latest business venture
• 41:57
  Blending wolves tube socks and pigtails into a concoction that has left the community both baffled and entertained
• 42:03
  Dubbed howlin hosiery haven Alan's establishment promises a unique shopping experience where customers can browse through a selection of tube socks while being accompanied by friendly wolves
• 42:14
  Yes, you read that right live wolves the daring move aims to provide shoppers with an adrenaline rush and of course make socks
• 42:23
  Shopping an unforgettable adventure, but the madness doesn't stop there
• 42:27
  Not only are customers encouraged to bring their own pigtails as a quirky accessory
• 42:31
  But there's also a special section dedicated to a pigtail themed tube socks Alan claims this trend will redefine fashion and have people squealing with delight
• 42:41
  The grand opening event featured a peculiar fashion show where models strutted down the runway wearing tube socks adorned with pigtails all while accompanied by well-trained wolves
• 42:52
  Spectators couldn't help but howl with disbelief and laughter
• 42:55
  Local authorities initially puzzled by the unconventional business model have given Alan the green light stating as long as it's legal and the wolves are well-fed why not
• 43:05
  In an exclusive interview Alan revealed his inspiration for the venture
• 43:09
  I wanted to create a shopping experience that breaks the mold something wild and wooly that people will remember
• 43:17
  Who says wolves tube socks and pigtails can't coexist
• 43:21
  While some critics argue that this venture may be just a flash in the pan others believe it might be the next big thing in eccentric retail
• 43:29
  Only time will tell if howl and hosiery haven will become a roaring success or if it will be remembered as a tale of wolves tube socks and pigtails gone wild
• 43:40
  Alright initially Alan I want to ask who has ever told you that tube socks wolves and pigtails can't coexist
• 43:46
  People have been saying it for years they live in a different town you don't know them
• 43:55
  I guess you feel very very strongly that those three things should be in one location
• 44:04
  Yeah and not just two of them
• 44:08
  No not one in three different buildings no no no no no sir no sir
• 44:14
  All three same establishment together
• 44:19
  What do you think just the trio of it does together like what's so special about having pigtails wolves and tube socks
• 44:27
  You looked out in the world and you said you know what this world doesn't have a place where you can buy socks pigtail items and wolves
• 44:38
  How did you look out and find this need
• 44:44
  Yeah this place is it's what I like to call the it's like the Voltron of stores you take three just powerful powerful forces wolves pigtails and tube socks
• 44:57
  You sound like you're a witch throwing three things into a cauldron
• 45:01
  On their own while strong they can't defeat the evil that is out there
• 45:08
  They need to be together they join forces in this strip mall in town
• 45:15
  Next to like a like a right next to a payday loan place and across from the Applebee's
• 45:23
  Next to a coin laundry
• 45:25
  You can feel the hum off those washing machines if you lean up against the wall
• 45:31
  Like home now listeners can't see but Alan has come to studio today with just tube socks on a pigtail and just a wolf t-shirt like one of those really dramatic wolf t-shirts
• 45:46
  He's not wearing pants
• 45:47
  But the wolf t-shirt is so large it's it's a triple XL like it covers what it needs to cover and the tube socks also they go up really far
• 45:59
  They're they're mid thigh tube socks
• 46:02
  They're basically stockings
• 46:05
  But I'm a guy so they're called tube socks
• 46:09
  You created this store just to fight evil I that's that's I think that's what I got out of it evil is you know evil is always going to be out there evil is anybody trying to get you down evil is your dad being like that's a stupid business
• 46:27
  Why would you waste your money why would you waste my money on that you told me you were going to college evil is somebody trying to get you down
• 46:34
  How was how big of a loan did you take out for this what did the bank have to put a lien on for you to get the loan
• 46:41
  Weirdly enough the bank wouldn't touch it and we're still trying to we're crunching numbers trying to figure out why the bank wouldn't touch it there was a little bit of slight robbery you know a little bit a little bit of theft
• 46:56
  Would you still get all this money
• 46:57
  Would you still get all this money you know I took a hostage someone's life stole someone's I kidnapped my dad okay because he the one hater yeah yeah because he didn't believe in me I sent a nice note to my mom got dad I got dad better pay up
• 47:20
  You know after a couple days got the money took a couple days for it to pay she was debating on what she needed to do seems like she thought y'all were just like going yeah like a bonding experience
• 47:33
  She thought it was a weekend trip it wasn't how much money did you get out of her did you ring out of that old gal we got like I'm going to say six hundred and thirty four dollars
• 47:42
  We're not covering a lot so which this grand opening we're hoping to make bank I mean obviously people are gonna come for the wolves and the tube socks and the pig tails I mean it's gonna be drawing people we're gonna we're gonna make that we're gonna double that money in at least a month
• 48:00
  I assume this business is just under like one of those outdoor picnic tents that you know people might use for like a tailgate
• 48:08
  Yeah it's a like packs of tube socks on the ground we're yeah I mean we're in we're in the strip mall building but inside there we do have a bunch of those tailgate tents set up
• 48:20
  And these aren't real wolves they're just Chihuahuas you got from the animal society their Chihuahuas and wolf's clothing
• 48:26
  No it's actually it's not Chihuahuas what it is is we've we found a couple method actors from the local local film school yeah and they were really into you know just getting involved in their role so they're dressed up as dogs was wolves so they're they're crawling around on all fours doing what wolves do
• 48:47
  What part are they playing they need to method act a wolf
• 48:50
  They are doing I don't know if you've ever seen the Liam Neeson movie The Grey they're doing a stage production of The Grey
• 48:59
  Now do you give them different personalities like one is kind of a tame wolf do you give the other guy a role where he might bite a couple people
• 49:09
  He's a bitey wolf yeah yeah
• 49:11
  He's named a bitey wolf yeah yeah
• 49:13
  When you hired them on did you like hand them the scripts you know like these are your roles and you all like did like a well they were not necessarily not as much scripts as they were napkins but like it's kind of yummy you're we're talking about the same thing tomato tomato yeah yeah
• 49:30
  In the article it says the people that have shopped here were also howling
• 49:36
  They were howling at what I thought was excitement
• 49:39
  Sure yeah like my gosh who put these three things in one place like you know it that's it's it's enough to get anybody howling
• 49:48
  What a hoot
• 49:50
  What I came to realize later on is that the theater students had gotten a little too involved and they were in fact biting the customers which caused them to howl in pain
• 50:01
  Minor setback I think I think we've cleared it with the staff though they're they won't be doing that again
• 50:09
  Where are you getting these pigtails from
• 50:11
  Yeah so what I'm doing and I'll tell you a little bit of backstory on why I got into pigtails as a child my first crush was the Wendy's mascot not Dave Thomas the red-headed girl with the pigtails
• 50:26
  Wendy yeah I assume that's her name maybe first childhood crush she just seemed like a great a great girl
• 50:33
  You were up in there
• 50:35
  You sound like an only child just bored in the back of the van as you drive around getting crushes on signs
• 50:42
  Well you know
• 50:44
  Was your dad a hater in that situation too where he's like you can't date her she's not real you know she's a figment of your imagination
• 50:51
  He said a lot of things like that I said you're just holding her to too high of a standard you just you think she's not real because you think that nobody could be that great and obviously we didn't get we didn't get along we didn't speak for eight years after that but it's no big deal so now what we're doing is we're selling pigtail wigs I don't know if y'all know but it's kind of hard to get human hair just kind of
• 51:12
  People kind of want to hang on to that so so it's a wig so yeah bad journalism because they left out the fact that it was a wig they just said pigtails and I mean I don't really understand what they were what what they were thinking was going on in there I just had loose pigtails I mean let's be real I mean a wig is essentially loose pigtails I guess let's be real this journalist dreamed about being a journalist covering the best news stories the most popular news stories
• 51:42
  the most dramatic situations and somehow he got put on the case of a guy that spent six hundred dollars
• 51:48
  Yeah it's not exactly the the Watergate scandal
• 51:53
  He was not there for very long no no he wasn't I think a lot of this he just made up because he didn't want to he didn't want to stick around if he would have stuck around though I would have told him how we got the pigtails and what we what we're doing is we make them from horse tails
• 52:08
  Oh horse tail pigtails horse tail pigtails exactly yeah what we're doing is we kind of just sneak up in a barn while horses sleeping and just just take some take some time yeah yeah we're there all we're there all night
• 52:21
  We're there all night the horse in the barn is like making so much noise in the farmers what is going on out there he walks out there is just you just one by one yeah collecting point just collecting horse hair and I'm making the point noise as I pull one out
• 52:38
  That's not actually what it sounds like when you pull a horse tail hair out of a horse you what you're an expert on it apparently you would know I would I would and I'm sure those wigs sneak you know do any kind of washing
• 52:49
  We're strictly just putting them into the pigtail formation and putting them on the shelf those babies are getting sold by pigtail formation you it's just horse tail where the rubber band in the middle you know Zach we're not trying to reinvent the wheel here yeah if it ain't broke don't fix it
• 53:06
  Sell it and make money gosh that's it I mean that sounds like a one of those videos business videos you see on tick tock don't reinvent the wheel sell it that's right straight from the horse's mouth right there the entrepreneur horse straight from the horse's tail the horse's pigtail horse's tail pigtail
• 53:23
  How much money have you made I don't want to I don't want to make this like a shark taint situation and I'm gonna ask us for money like you're gonna you're looking for a way to make money yeah and so sharks what I'm kind of trying to come up with here is I need money just kind of keep the lights on right now
• 53:42
  Sure right now we're going on we're doing half light we're only keeping half the lights of the business on just to save money we've shut off the air yeah we've just got one of our wolves we call him fan wolf he's devoted to just fanning customers as they walk in because we don't have any air which is unimaginative name like fan wolf
• 54:06
  Well they're mostly named after what they do how many furries do you get around this place with guys just dressed as wolves once they figured out what was going on down there we we have had some weirdos come by now I'm advertising saying I love wolves one of the three things that I'm most known for
• 54:25
  So I can't get rid of them but if they're gonna hang out I like to make them do some work so I just give them a broom you know say if you guys want to hang out with your kind you need to at least be doing something around here
• 54:37
  So me and Evan go down to Howlin Hosiery Haven and this is very rundown strip mall on the left is one of those payday loan places which is weird that you couldn't even get a loan from those places because they would loan money to anybody to drug dealers to hitmen
• 54:52
  They loan money to the deceased like there are World War II soldiers that are getting money from payday loans
• 55:00
  But they wouldn't loan you anything
• 55:01
  They would not give me any money
• 55:03
  On the other side is just a coin laundry me and Evan walk into this building here's what we see the lights are half off one's flickering
• 55:13
  There's a smell of horse manure from the unwashed pigtail wigs that you have made
• 55:20
  Yeah, is that a teenager in a poorly made wolf costume? Yeah with a fan. That's right fan wolf
• 55:28
  It looks like a rug that he has draped over himself
• 55:34
  We don't provide the costume so it could be a rug
• 55:37
  He just caught the wolf
• 55:39
  He didn't try at all
• 55:42
  He's just wearing a black and white sherpa
• 55:44
  There's a couple other teenagers also that you call wolves on all fours just kind of walking back and forth
• 55:52
  There's no aisles. It's just your items are just kind of thrown into the middle of this shopping room
• 55:59
  And then you just have people furries that got off the beaten path
• 56:03
  They're just sweeping but not in any direction just kind of sweeping just generally
• 56:08
  Yeah, we don't actually don't have any kind of dustpan or anything
• 56:10
  So they just they just sort of sweep there. They're not working together either
• 56:15
  But we're just kind of proud that they're doing it
• 56:18
  They're all wearing just the high high tube socks. Yep. Yep
• 56:23
  The tube socks we haven't really gotten into
• 56:26
  I think that there should be a market for it. There's a big market for dude socks
• 56:30
  Yeah, yeah, but the thigh high ones. Oh, they're not tall enough for you
• 56:34
  That's kind of why I started my own thing is because I don't think regular tube socks cut it and
• 56:39
  Also on my tube socks, you know, sometimes I like to put on I like to put have pigtails printed on them
• 56:45
  Okay, you know, yeah, maybe a wolf
• 56:48
  Sometimes I like to do the double tube where it's a tube sock with PVC pipes printed all over it
• 56:56
  Tube squared if you squared now, let me pick your mind to see if you can do it
• 57:01
  Squared now, let me pick your mind to see if you've thought about this tube squared maybe an inner tube that you would put on a boat
• 57:08
  Oh, I like it. Like where your heads at water. Yeah, you know put it around like entrance to the sock. Oh an actual tube
• 57:16
  around your tube sock
• 57:18
  So you float and you're walking very weird. That's a that's that is a great idea
• 57:24
  Yeah, it's like it's like water wings for your legs
• 57:27
  Exactly
• 57:29
  Where only your legs can stay above water, but the rest of your body
• 57:34
  Goes under
• 57:39
  As I am imagining there are no prices on anything
• 57:42
  No, honestly, we're doing good to we're doing good if people even come in so I mean we have it
• 57:48
  We really haven't bothered to price anything yet
• 57:50
  It's our pricing strategy is sort of based off feelings so it's like when you walk into that store and you
• 57:57
  See the wig you want to take home and you put it on your head. What price do you feel like you should give me?
• 58:03
  What if I say free because I am wearing a manure ridden hair wig
• 58:07
  That's that's where the problem with the feelings pricing comes in is because free is always an option
• 58:13
  You don't like maybe snap your fingers and you get the furries to like hold both arms and force them to go
• 58:19
  Arms and force me to pay do you rob people?
• 58:24
  Yeah, the furries they're they're a little bit more aggressive than the theater students
• 58:28
  So generally I can just be I can just ask them to come over with their brooms and start start beating people to try to shoplift
• 58:35
  No, I don't want to leave here today without asking you about this small detail that you mentioned
• 58:39
  And I just want to make sure I have it fleshed out in my brain while I have you in the
• 58:43
  Teenagers dresses wolves here. How would you do a stage production of Liam Neeson's the gray? It is primarily and entirely
• 58:52
  Deep in the snow. It certainly is and I'm really glad that you asked this and I'm glad I'm glad I'm glad you didn't forget about the detail
• 59:01
  And then you came right back to it. He's so happy that he's gonna have to flesh this one out
• 59:06
  So what I like to think is our store basically looks like a plane crash sure so we're we're there already
• 59:16
  I've got the I'm obviously Liam Neeson in the scenario. It says on your name tag. It says hi, I'm Liam
• 59:24
  And we just take all the all the white tube socks that we have we just pile it around like it snow
• 59:30
  And you know we've got a lot of room there in the in the studio to kind of explore make different sets, you know
• 59:38
  Which is just made out of more snow out of tube socks
• 59:45
  He's not telling you he went over to the cheap cheap motel right across the street and has been slowly stealing the ice from the ice machine
• 59:54
  So then put all over the ground so now you just have wet nasty tube socks. Yeah, because that ice is not keeping we don't have air
• 1:00:02
  Now we have set the scene of when we mean Evan walk it now we're just walking on nasty wet tubes. Yeah
• 1:00:10
  Infer I did notice some of the snow you have coming down and it does vaguely look like shredded paper
• 1:00:18
  There are some numbers on here. Is this your tax documentation? Whoa, whoa
• 1:00:24
  This is because I see how did that get there if that's even what that is
• 1:00:28
  I don't I don't I don't know how that got there if it even is tax documents. It could just be a lease for me buying a moon bounce
• 1:00:38
  You're cooking the books for buying a moon bounce. I guess my final question is
• 1:00:46
  Did you prove your dad wrong? He said this was a bad idea a bad investment
• 1:00:51
  You have thrown his family into bankruptcy by how the money you stole have you convinced him? Otherwise
• 1:00:57
  Yeah, the only way that I would have convinced him this is a good idea is just the fact that this is where all of his money went to
• 1:01:03
  So, I mean, this is the only thing he's got to support him now is just this business. So so he's in there dressed as a wolf
• 1:01:10
  He's gonna have to be I mean if he if he wants to eat, you know, I think I think he's gonna have to do a little bit more than just give me money for the business
• 1:01:19
  He's whacking the sad people that come in there. He's whacking them extra hard with a brew. He's actually up there shredding my moon bounce lease
• 1:01:28
  He was he so he's he's he's doing this. He's doing his job. Just crying
• 1:01:33
  I wish your business luck. Thank you. You know, I can't imagine it's gonna be around that much longer
• 1:01:45
  Things seem to have taken a turn for the worse almost immediately
• 1:01:50
  You said you didn't read want to reinvent the wheel earlier you on the back half though did not reinvent the wheel, you know
• 1:01:59
  No, no, I am gonna say I I do worry that maybe this was a little too niche
• 1:02:09
  I've got I've got almost no evidence to prove it. But I kind of have a gut feeling
• 1:02:19
  That's probably the salmonella from the very unhygienic business you keep its atmosphere
• 1:02:27
  Buddy, I would say trust the salmonella
• 1:02:32
  But I wish you the best. Well, thank you. It is not looking good. Okay, anytime that either of you guys need to see but not purchase a wolf
• 1:02:43
  But not really a wolf, but not really a wolf just a guy in a poorly made wolf's costume
• 1:02:49
  Or you need a pigtail wig or some very high thigh tube socks. Come on down to howlin hosiery haven
• 1:02:58
  But do it soon because I don't think you'll have the opportunity
• 1:03:02
  That's good. But as tradition guys, let's give the Saturday workers a one-liner wisdom
• 1:03:11
  You can control your feelings, but you can't control your intrusive thoughts
• 1:03:16
  So just let them in and let them win. Let him in. Let him win
• 1:03:22
  They say you're never too old to learn, but at some point you're for sure too old to be happy
• 1:03:37
  Depressing. But if you have a hypothetical that you want us to answer, advice you need from us
• 1:03:47
  A fact that you a subject that you want facts about
• 1:03:53
  Email us. QuestionableDetourPodcast.gmail.com
• 1:03:56
  Tell your friends. I mean who would why wouldn't they want to listen to this just well structured
• 1:04:05
  Well thought out. Sharp podcast. Let them in on the psychotic person you are for even hitting play on this
• 1:04:17
  Show them your brain
• 1:04:22
  But you guys want to be done