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Know Your Worth & Then Add Tax · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr
0:04
Speaker 1: the Order Kerney Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before
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Speaker 1: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I
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Speaker 1: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
0:14
Speaker 1: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,
0:18
Speaker 1: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming
0:22
Speaker 1: through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing
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Speaker 1: and the storytelling of you to make a difference for
0:30
Speaker 1: today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
0:33
Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
0:34
Speaker 3: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
0:57
Speaker 2: Hello and welcome. Just She's on the Money the podcast
1:00
Speaker 2: and millennials who want financial freedom this new year? Are
1:04
Speaker 2: you excited about that part? Today? My friends, it is Friday.
1:08
Speaker 2: Beck is still broken and it is time to get
1:10
Speaker 2: our team together to celebrate you, our incredible She's on
1:14
Speaker 2: the Money community. Today, mister Grigi is going to be
1:17
Speaker 2: sharing our best money wins and confessions from twenty twenty four.
1:23
Speaker 2: Miss Beck say ed, have you got some hot broke
1:26
Speaker 2: tips to lead us into a very successful twenty twenty four?
1:29
Speaker 2: I do you've better? No pressure, and we're going to
1:31
Speaker 2: be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this
1:34
Speaker 2: week is all about sorting out your credit history. Good
1:37
Speaker 2: time to do it at the start of the year,
1:38
Speaker 2: I reckon, It's almost like I picked that one out specifically,
1:42
Speaker 2: and we're going to unpack something that you slid into
1:44
Speaker 2: our DMS. About this week, we're talking about birthday gifts
1:47
Speaker 2: in relationships, and I feel like now's the time to
1:50
Speaker 2: talk about presents, given we've just come out of what
1:53
Speaker 2: I would argue is the silliest season of gift giving
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Speaker 2: of all. But before we get there, Happy New Year.
2:01
Speaker 4: Happy New Year, Happy guys.
2:03
Speaker 2: It's fresh, it's fun, it's funky. Jess, how are you.
2:07
Speaker 4: I'm good. I love a new year, New me vibe like.
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Speaker 5: I am a big goal person, so I think it's
2:13
Speaker 5: it's always so good for me. I like every year
2:15
Speaker 5: in January, I redo my budget. I like have a
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Speaker 5: list that I keep in my notes up on my
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Speaker 5: phone of all my goals that I had for theater.
2:22
Speaker 5: So I review what I did in twenty twenty three,
2:24
Speaker 5: do I what am I aiming for in twenty twenty four.
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Speaker 5: So I'm just like I'm feeling very like organized and
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Speaker 5: refreshed and rejuvenated. And I know that you don't need
2:31
Speaker 5: to wait for a new year to do any of
2:33
Speaker 5: that stuff. But I always get a little extra motivation,
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Speaker 5: you know, so I try and grab onto it and
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Speaker 5: like use it to do something productive.
2:41
Speaker 6: Yes, it's good for you.
2:42
Speaker 4: Yeah, how about you, guys? Well I'll go first.
2:46
Speaker 2: I am still broken.
2:47
Speaker 6: I almost got my voice back, but partied a little
2:49
Speaker 6: bit too hard.
2:50
Speaker 2: Newsve is so ry here we are, but.
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Speaker 6: No, I feel really good. I also feel so motivated. Yeah,
2:58
Speaker 6: to change things up?
3:00
Speaker 5: Yeah?
3:00
Speaker 2: What are we changing up?
3:01
Speaker 4: Back?
3:02
Speaker 6: Obviously I talk about this a lot, but I am
3:05
Speaker 6: going to go to the gym more now, more than ever,
3:09
Speaker 6: and I'm going to go harder, and I'm gonna go faster.
3:13
Speaker 2: We're going to go faster, but a better faster, stronger,
3:16
Speaker 2: stronger what song I was referencing? But okay, all good?
3:24
Speaker 2: No thinking of.
3:27
Speaker 4: This year, not not ever.
3:28
Speaker 6: He's my Roman empire.
3:32
Speaker 4: Empire right ye?
3:35
Speaker 6: But no, it's been really good and happen to you guys?
3:38
Speaker 6: How about you?
3:40
Speaker 2: The best week ever? I have been polishing of all
3:43
Speaker 2: about your best year yet? Content? Because today it is Friday,
3:47
Speaker 2: the fifth of January, which means the course dropped. It
3:50
Speaker 2: means enrollments are now officially open. We did a whole
3:53
Speaker 2: lead up to pre enrollment, and I feel like last
3:56
Speaker 2: year for me, not for Jest. I do apologize she
3:59
Speaker 2: fluttered her house like three times, just it was not
4:02
Speaker 2: just this year, but this year is just this year.
4:03
Speaker 2: But I had a really productive year last year, and
4:06
Speaker 2: I do think it all comes down to how I
4:08
Speaker 2: set my goals and how I followed that up, and
4:10
Speaker 2: like I had arguably a pretty awful twenty twenty three,
4:14
Speaker 2: or like start of twenty twenty three went through a
4:16
Speaker 2: whole heap of stuff. We won't recap it now. However,
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Speaker 2: I still managed to tick off I would say, ninety
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Speaker 2: nine percent of the goals on my goal list, and
4:24
Speaker 2: I was so proud of it and obviously wanted to
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Speaker 2: do that again this year, but decided to share it
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Speaker 2: with the community. So I'm running your Best Year Yet
4:32
Speaker 2: kind of workshop sessions, which I think will be really
4:34
Speaker 2: exciting because it's not necessarily like finance based. You definitely
4:38
Speaker 2: can apply it to finance, but more about general goal
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Speaker 2: setting and smashing it out of the park and actually
4:43
Speaker 2: setting realistic goals that are for you not necessarily something
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Speaker 2: that you're not going to be able to upkeeping and
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Speaker 2: keep changed. It's also about like actually facilitating that change,
4:51
Speaker 2: because like it's one thing, jess as you know, to
4:54
Speaker 2: set a goal, but it's another thing to actually facilitate it.
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Speaker 2: And it's kind of like all my favorite tools and resources,
5:00
Speaker 2: how to use them or what that actually looks like
5:02
Speaker 2: because as a little ADHD girly, it's not just for
5:04
Speaker 2: people with ADHD. Honestly, I feel like if you had
5:07
Speaker 2: all the tools an ADHD person users, you'd thrive. But
5:10
Speaker 2: it's all the tools to make sure that happens as well,
5:13
Speaker 2: which I'm just honestly super stoked about because it's another
5:16
Speaker 2: opportunity for me to interact with our community, which is
5:18
Speaker 2: my favorite. So it's not too late. We will put
5:21
Speaker 2: all of the information that you need in the show notes.
5:24
Speaker 2: It's a subtle plug, but it's honestly what I'm excited
5:26
Speaker 2: about this week. Guys like love that. I'm just the
5:29
Speaker 2: branding's so cute. The team did a killer job, so yeah,
5:32
Speaker 2: I'm just really excited about that. And yeah, just New
5:35
Speaker 2: Year knew us there's going to be a new baby.
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Speaker 6: Amazing.
5:39
Speaker 2: That's very exciting, exciting, so fun. So how about we
5:42
Speaker 2: get into the episode mis just grichy, what money wins
5:46
Speaker 2: and confessions you bring into the table this fresh, fresh year.
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Speaker 5: First one I've got this week is from Maddie, who said,
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Speaker 5: money win thanks to the seven eleven fuel lock, I
5:55
Speaker 5: filled up today and saved almost fifteen dollars.
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Speaker 2: I did that the other day and saved like nineteen.
6:00
Speaker 2: So one I win, but to Eugenius, I love it.
6:03
Speaker 5: Next, I've got one from Murphy, who said, each week
6:05
Speaker 5: in term four, my daughter gets one dollar to buy
6:07
Speaker 5: an icy pole at school. Eventually she told me that
6:10
Speaker 5: she doesn't actually get an icy pole because she can
6:13
Speaker 5: have one at home and she saves her money instead.
6:15
Speaker 2: She doesn't how wholesome.
6:17
Speaker 5: She used a portion of her savings to buy herself
6:19
Speaker 5: and her friends flashing Santa hats for her school disco.
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Speaker 2: I've sat prout, very cute, are iconic. She's like little
6:26
Speaker 2: She's on the money, bubby.
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Speaker 5: I know, I am obsessed with her. Then we've got
6:31
Speaker 5: a win from Kirsten, who said, we did our garden
6:34
Speaker 5: a few months ago and I'm finally starting to see
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Speaker 5: the results. We've saved around fifteen dollars in cucumbers and
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Speaker 5: have so many more and considering I eat them like apples.
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Speaker 5: This is a huge win when they cost three dollars each.
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Speaker 2: A cucumber like an apple.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, crazy, I get that photo for beautiful bad.
6:52
Speaker 2: Then I would want to like dip it in salt. Yeah,
6:54
Speaker 2: like a lot of gas or something's no salt.
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Speaker 4: Okay, it's just salt.
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Speaker 6: Make it.
7:01
Speaker 1: Me.
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Speaker 2: I would like to dip it in salt. I feel
7:03
Speaker 2: like that's weird, just as like I'm gonna use it
7:05
Speaker 2: as an actual like crude, Ie.
7:07
Speaker 5: I get that a vehicle for Hummus, a vehicle that's
7:10
Speaker 5: just smarter than everybody at the stable. Next, I gotta
7:13
Speaker 5: win from Sophie who said I ummed an ard about
7:15
Speaker 5: getting this bag in store from Kmart that was marked
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Speaker 5: at twelve dollars and came in my favorite color.
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Speaker 4: I got to the checkout and it scanned at six.
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Speaker 2: No, it didn't.
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Speaker 4: It was the only color that was on sale. Money win.
7:25
Speaker 2: That's so good. I love when you like finally commit
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Speaker 2: to a financial decision. You're like yeah, like I'll do it.
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Speaker 2: I deserve it, and you've like justified that twelve bucks.
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Speaker 2: Then you come up and it's six and you're like,
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Speaker 2: was meant to be? I do deserve this.
7:39
Speaker 5: The universe has your back. Angie said she just paid
7:42
Speaker 5: off her personal loan.
7:44
Speaker 2: Oh congrats, what a time to do it. New year
7:46
Speaker 2: on dred pent so personal loan.
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Speaker 5: She's now focusing on paying off and deleting her Zippay
7:51
Speaker 5: and then she'll officially be consumer debt free.
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Speaker 2: This year is your year, my love, Go Angie go.
7:56
Speaker 5: And then lastly, Montana said, I'm self employed and I
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Speaker 5: had a whopping fourteen hundred dollars in overdue payments that
8:03
Speaker 5: I chased up today. All the clients paid. As I
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Speaker 5: survived without money for the last three weeks. I've decided
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Speaker 5: to pay all of my January bills and pop the
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Speaker 5: rest into savings. A nice little top up there for
8:14
Speaker 5: the savings account.
8:15
Speaker 6: Cool.
8:16
Speaker 2: That is very cool.
8:17
Speaker 5: Self employed struggle, chase up your invoices, don't leave it
8:19
Speaker 5: too long.
8:20
Speaker 6: Yeap.
8:20
Speaker 4: That's everything that I've got this week.
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Speaker 2: You know what I feel like, that's a very good
8:23
Speaker 2: start to the year. Miss jessic Rici, good job, Well
8:25
Speaker 2: down everyone, love the Miss becks I ed, we're back
8:28
Speaker 2: with broke tips. What have you got? Okay?
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Speaker 6: So as usual, I have two from the community, one
8:35
Speaker 6: from myself. First one comes from Sam, who says, cut
8:40
Speaker 6: or tear things into smaller pieces, sponges, magic erasers, the.
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Speaker 4: Magic I love a magic eraser.
8:48
Speaker 6: I love a magic eraser. And this will elongate usage,
8:53
Speaker 6: so it does end up saving your money in the
8:55
Speaker 6: long run. Might be a little bit inconvenient, but honestly,
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Speaker 6: I think it's a great idea, and you don't often
9:02
Speaker 6: need such big pieces, so true for a sponge especially.
9:07
Speaker 2: I love it. What else if you got back?
9:08
Speaker 6: Next one is from Prea hypri is such a pretty name.
9:12
Speaker 6: I love the name Preyer. She says, save veggie scraps
9:17
Speaker 6: and invest time and energy into growing your own fruits
9:21
Speaker 6: and vegetables, just like your money win from before. It
9:25
Speaker 6: ends up saving you so much money. I've gotten eggplants, chili's,
9:29
Speaker 6: all these things from.
9:31
Speaker 2: Kill it. Yeah, so much. It's good for you. Mine
9:35
Speaker 2: will become compost, which is also really good for the environment.
9:39
Speaker 6: So you welcome absolutely. My bro tip is something that
9:44
Speaker 6: I've tried to do. I wasn't smart enough, not smart enough.
9:47
Speaker 2: I shouldn't say that, but you didn't know yet. I
9:50
Speaker 2: didn't know yet.
9:50
Speaker 4: There you go, good one.
9:52
Speaker 6: One of my friends does transcribing and surveys, which is
9:55
Speaker 6: also something you mentioned last week. Yes, makes a couple
9:59
Speaker 6: hundred dollars a week.
10:01
Speaker 4: That's so Smart's awesome.
10:02
Speaker 6: So if you have the time, if you have the energy,
10:05
Speaker 6: if you just want to stay at home.
10:07
Speaker 2: And have like a job to do on a laptop
10:09
Speaker 2: while you're on a couch enjoying the air conditioning at
10:12
Speaker 2: this time of year, totally, that's so smart. Another like,
10:15
Speaker 2: I guess tip to add to that, I do apologize
10:17
Speaker 2: back to get into transcribing is like sign up for
10:20
Speaker 2: air task or like fiver, yes, because that's where people
10:23
Speaker 2: advertise those jobs, and if you get good at them
10:27
Speaker 2: and you get quick at them, you can actually make
10:30
Speaker 2: a favorite of bank. Like I've got a girlfriend who
10:32
Speaker 2: does like transcribing, and I didn't know what was the
10:35
Speaker 2: thing because last year Jess and I sat down and
10:37
Speaker 2: we said it would be really great to have a
10:39
Speaker 2: bank of all of our episode transcriptions, which we've obviously
10:42
Speaker 2: never done before but want to make a priority of.
10:45
Speaker 2: But it's really hard because there are like five hundred
10:48
Speaker 2: plus episodes of Sheese on the Money, and we're like,
10:50
Speaker 2: all right, what we'll do is find some AI tool
10:53
Speaker 2: where you plug in the audio and spit out, you know,
10:56
Speaker 2: the transcription. It doesn't work that well, it's not that accurate,
11:01
Speaker 2: and when it comes to finance, it needs to be accurate.
11:03
Speaker 2: Back like, there's no option. So we've been slowly tracking
11:07
Speaker 2: through manually getting it done. And I won't call it
11:10
Speaker 2: expensive because people are getting paid what they work. But
11:12
Speaker 2: when it's five hundred episodes, that has really added up
11:14
Speaker 2: for us, no complaints, really important to us. But at
11:17
Speaker 2: the same time, you could be the person making bank
11:19
Speaker 2: in that circumstance, you know, like transcribing podcasts, transcribing people's
11:25
Speaker 2: voice notes, transcribing literally anything.
11:28
Speaker 4: Ye meeting notes or something meeting notes.
11:30
Speaker 6: And the same time, genius, I could be transcribing while
11:34
Speaker 6: we talk today to save me sometime. Does that makes
11:38
Speaker 6: sense because you're saying I could be.
11:39
Speaker 2: Transit Yeah, you could, but you dood all too much
11:41
Speaker 2: on your papers, So I really don't think that I
11:44
Speaker 2: would trust your Transcriptionspeck. As much as I love you, like,
11:47
Speaker 2: there are too many flowers and love hearts and like
11:49
Speaker 2: squiggles and stuff on your page for me to think, Wow,
11:52
Speaker 2: Beck's really been paying a lot of attention to the
11:55
Speaker 2: comments that just and I make.
11:56
Speaker 6: Mes really been paying attention to. I've been writing all
12:01
Speaker 6: of that down all right.
12:02
Speaker 2: Now, she's transcribing so much money. Just on transcribing this episode, adore,
12:08
Speaker 2: good work back. Let's go to a really quick break
12:10
Speaker 2: on the flip side. We're gonna be talking about sorting
12:12
Speaker 2: out your credit card history, which I think is genius
12:15
Speaker 2: at this point in the year. Get it done early.
12:17
Speaker 2: Let's start a plan. And then we're gonna be talking
12:19
Speaker 2: about something you slid into our dams about and it's
12:21
Speaker 2: birthday gifts in relationships and I have always struggled with
12:25
Speaker 2: this one, so guys, don't go anywhere.
12:32
Speaker 4: Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to the very
12:35
Speaker 4: first money dilemma of twenty twenty four.
12:40
Speaker 2: Hi, there have you got a money dilemma you just
12:42
Speaker 2: can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here
12:45
Speaker 2: to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big
12:48
Speaker 2: and small, to answer your most burning money, career and
12:51
Speaker 2: life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website
12:54
Speaker 2: and leave us a short voice recording and you might
12:56
Speaker 2: just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a
12:59
Speaker 2: listen to this Week's money dilemma.
13:02
Speaker 7: Ladies, I need your help. I have completely ruined my
13:07
Speaker 7: credit history. I got sick earlier in the year and
13:10
Speaker 7: I didn't stay on top of my loan payments for
13:12
Speaker 7: a personal loan. The personal loan is now six months
13:16
Speaker 7: in arrears, and my car loan is currently two thousand
13:21
Speaker 7: dollars in arrears. The personal loan is the more serious one,
13:24
Speaker 7: but my credit score has dropped from seven fifty to
13:28
Speaker 7: two hundred from doing this. We're currently paying over eight
13:33
Speaker 7: hundred dollars per week in arrears fees alone. What would
13:37
Speaker 7: your recommendation be As we're trying to buy our first
13:40
Speaker 7: home again, We're trying to get ourselves out of this rut.
13:43
Speaker 2: My partner has fantastic credit history.
13:46
Speaker 1: I don't.
13:47
Speaker 2: Oh, this is a sticky one, but it also just
13:50
Speaker 2: goes to show how quickly things can change. Yeah, she
13:53
Speaker 2: went from being absolutely fine, having a good credit history,
13:56
Speaker 2: probably having very good health, and completely backwards from getting sick.
14:00
Speaker 2: And I just really empathize with that situation, because no
14:03
Speaker 2: one goes into personal debt to go you know what,
14:04
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna get this debt, Jess, and the I'm
14:06
Speaker 2: not going to pay it off. That's such a good idea, Like,
14:08
Speaker 2: no one does that. No one goes and gets a
14:10
Speaker 2: loan that they think is just more than they can swallow,
14:13
Speaker 2: Like we will justify it and say, oh no, that's fine,
14:15
Speaker 2: like I'm going to get that loan for that not
14:17
Speaker 2: paid off, or I'll get that car and you know
14:19
Speaker 2: it'll only be X per month. And this is where
14:21
Speaker 2: it's just so important to avoid personal debt honestly at
14:25
Speaker 2: all costs, because we never know when the world is
14:27
Speaker 2: going to change. The first thing I would do, honestly
14:31
Speaker 2: in your circumstance is call up our friends at the
14:34
Speaker 2: National Debt Helpline. They are amazing, will put all of
14:38
Speaker 2: the information into the show notes. They are open week
14:41
Speaker 2: days from nine thirty to four thirty pm. It is free.
14:43
Speaker 2: You can also jump on their website to talk to them,
14:45
Speaker 2: so if you don't want to like pick up the phone,
14:47
Speaker 2: it's not less confrontational to do a little bit of
14:49
Speaker 2: a live chat. But fixing your credit score is going
14:54
Speaker 2: to be one essential to get you into that house
14:56
Speaker 2: you want to purchase, and that's really exciting. However, I
15:00
Speaker 2: would actually put the goal of purchasing a home completely
15:03
Speaker 2: on hold until you've sorted out your personal debt. Because
15:07
Speaker 2: I don't know a bank, and I'm trying to be
15:10
Speaker 2: as kind as possible with delivering this. I own a
15:13
Speaker 2: mortgage broken company. I don't know a bank who would
15:16
Speaker 2: lend a mortgage amount of money to someone with a
15:18
Speaker 2: credit score of two hundred. It doesn't matter too much
15:21
Speaker 2: if your partners involved, like they're gonna, I guess, view
15:25
Speaker 2: you individually, but you being part of that is going
15:28
Speaker 2: to significantly increase the risk on their behalf. But also
15:32
Speaker 2: it's going to decrease your borrowing capacity significantly as well.
15:36
Speaker 2: So obviously the best way to improve your credit score
15:39
Speaker 2: is to just adopt healthy financial habits. Chat to the
15:43
Speaker 2: guys at the National Debt Helpline. That's not me trying
15:45
Speaker 2: to do get out of jail free card of answering
15:48
Speaker 2: this question. Don't worry. It's more they are incredibly helpful
15:52
Speaker 2: and have so many tools and resources for you to
15:54
Speaker 2: lean on. The Next thing I think about is negotiating. So,
15:58
Speaker 2: like you are obviously paying so many fees in arrears,
16:02
Speaker 2: pick up the phone, call your banking institution or whoever
16:04
Speaker 2: your loan is from, and say, hey, guys, I'm really struggling.
16:08
Speaker 2: You're just piling on the arears like fees. What can
16:11
Speaker 2: we do about this so that we can both get ahead.
16:14
Speaker 2: I want to get out of debt. I want to
16:15
Speaker 2: pay you back, but right now you're making it incredibly hard.
16:19
Speaker 2: Have a good logical conversation about what they can do,
16:22
Speaker 2: and they might default. And I've seen it before and go,
16:26
Speaker 2: you know what, if you're in debt and you're so
16:28
Speaker 2: passionate about paying it off, let's just wipe the erears fees.
16:32
Speaker 2: We're going to go back to what it was before.
16:34
Speaker 2: We're going to get you to pay back your original
16:36
Speaker 2: amount each and every single month, but we will be
16:39
Speaker 2: reinstating the fees if you mess up again. And it
16:42
Speaker 2: would just be worth having those conversations. So don't forget that.
16:46
Speaker 2: Even when it's a personal loan, you can negotiate, you
16:48
Speaker 2: can pick up the phone, you can have a conversation
16:49
Speaker 2: with them. But I would really be putting I guess
16:53
Speaker 2: your foot out there and going all right, I do
16:55
Speaker 2: need to get on top of this. But I'd also
16:57
Speaker 2: be putting that home buying goal maybe at the back
17:01
Speaker 2: of the mind until all of this personal debt stuff
17:04
Speaker 2: is sorted out, because there's no way I want you
17:07
Speaker 2: to take on a mortgage if right now your financial
17:09
Speaker 2: habits aren't in tiptop shape. What do you guys, reckon?
17:13
Speaker 6: I obviously don't have advice on how to get out
17:16
Speaker 6: of this situation, but I just wanted to say I've
17:19
Speaker 6: been here before, and it's so anxiety inducing. It is.
17:24
Speaker 2: It's really awful. Hey.
17:25
Speaker 6: My only bit of advice is to try not to
17:29
Speaker 6: mentally give up because it can be so consuming and
17:35
Speaker 6: you might just be anxious every single day, every weeking second,
17:40
Speaker 6: but just know you can get out of it and
17:43
Speaker 6: everything will be okay on the other side.
17:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, I also think it's adding to that back. We
17:48
Speaker 2: need to remember that being in debt does not make
17:51
Speaker 2: you a bad person. Your financial decisions and your financial
17:55
Speaker 2: circumstances do not define what makes a good or a
17:58
Speaker 2: bad human being. Your kindness, your empathy, your thoughtfulness, how
18:03
Speaker 2: you treat others, that's what defines you as a human being,
18:06
Speaker 2: not your personal finances. I have never in my life
18:09
Speaker 2: met someone who's like, oh, I wouldn't want to be
18:11
Speaker 2: friends with them because they're in debt, or I wouldn't
18:14
Speaker 2: want to be friends with them because they don't earn
18:16
Speaker 2: enough money. If anyone ever says that, that's the best
18:19
Speaker 2: red flag to be like, you don't want to be
18:21
Speaker 2: friends with them anyway, Like, ill no, get away from me.
18:24
Speaker 2: Absolutely not. So I think just remembering that this does
18:27
Speaker 2: not define you. It's something you're going through as well,
18:30
Speaker 2: not something being done to you, is a really good
18:33
Speaker 2: way of redefining going far out, I've got to get
18:35
Speaker 2: through this. This isn't happening to you because you're a
18:37
Speaker 2: bad person. This isn't happening to you. It's happening as
18:41
Speaker 2: a part of your journey. And that's okay. It's really
18:43
Speaker 2: dire and it feels bloody terrible, doesn't it. Beck, Because
18:46
Speaker 2: someone who's been in significant personal financial debt, I think
18:49
Speaker 2: we all have. Like Jess, you had a credit card
18:51
Speaker 2: you've mentioned on the show before. Beck, you've literally gone bankrupt.
18:54
Speaker 2: I had a massive personal loan. You don't sleep, you
18:57
Speaker 2: don't eat properly, you get stressed, take it out on
19:00
Speaker 2: everybody around you. Like I think you need to give
19:02
Speaker 2: yourself a little bit more grace. And that's also one
19:05
Speaker 2: of the reasons why I'm like, let's just take the
19:07
Speaker 2: foot of the pedal when it comes to that property goal,
19:10
Speaker 2: because you're going to be really disappointed really quickly if
19:12
Speaker 2: you don't get on top of the personal stuff for sure.
19:14
Speaker 2: All right, let's now unpack something you slid into our
19:17
Speaker 2: DMS about this week. We're talking about birthday gifts in
19:20
Speaker 2: a relationship. Here's the DM. I got high. She's on
19:24
Speaker 2: the money. So I've been with my partner for two
19:26
Speaker 2: years now. Both of our birthdays are in June. But
19:29
Speaker 2: this year my partner didn't give me a present. I
19:31
Speaker 2: kept thinking he'll surprise me with a gift, but the
19:34
Speaker 2: day came and went with nothing. Before our birthdays this year,
19:38
Speaker 2: I mentioned money was pretty tight and maybe we should
19:41
Speaker 2: loller how much we spend on each other. He was
19:43
Speaker 2: upset by this and made a comment along the lines
19:45
Speaker 2: of you won't be able to get me anything I
19:47
Speaker 2: want with such little money, so don't bother. It turned
19:51
Speaker 2: into an argument and I ended up dropping it. Maybe
19:54
Speaker 2: that was his way of saying we aren't doing presents,
19:56
Speaker 2: but it certainly was not clear. He didn't even get
20:00
Speaker 2: me a card or flowers. Is he doing this out
20:03
Speaker 2: of spite for me not being able to get him
20:05
Speaker 2: something expensive? He made me feel so sad by saying
20:09
Speaker 2: I couldn't afford to buy him something he wanted. Am
20:12
Speaker 2: I wrong for feeling so upset at this? How would
20:14
Speaker 2: you guys address this conversation?
20:18
Speaker 4: I hate it. God, that's crazy.
20:21
Speaker 2: I'm assuming your birthdays before his birthday as well.
20:24
Speaker 5: Yeah.
20:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way that's going, it sounds like your
20:27
Speaker 2: birthday's first, and then his birthdays after. You're waiting for
20:30
Speaker 2: a gift, and now.
20:32
Speaker 4: You don't know what to do.
20:33
Speaker 2: I would not be getting him anything. I would actually,
20:36
Speaker 2: you know what I would Actually, I'd give him his
20:38
Speaker 2: freedom back. I'd be like, oh, you have shown me
20:41
Speaker 2: that what you need to be as single. Here go, babe,
20:45
Speaker 2: you are welcome.
20:47
Speaker 4: Gifting is such a personal thing.
20:48
Speaker 5: I feel like this is similar to the Christmas one
20:50
Speaker 5: we had a few weeks ago, in that the concept
20:53
Speaker 5: is not inherently bad, but the delivery is atrocious because
20:57
Speaker 5: not giving each other gifts. I mean, I can't imagine
21:00
Speaker 5: a single person who didn't have something that they would
21:02
Speaker 5: enjoy for under one hundred dollars, like your favorite chocolate
21:04
Speaker 5: bar or your favorite coffee, or there are plenty of
21:07
Speaker 5: things I'm sure that he would like that are under
21:09
Speaker 5: one hundred.
21:10
Speaker 2: Bring me tea and toast in bed. Yeah, we already
21:13
Speaker 2: have the toast in the fridge and it's duht milk
21:16
Speaker 2: from the pantry.
21:17
Speaker 4: You can give me a massage every week for the next.
21:19
Speaker 2: I don't even care what it is. It's the thought
21:21
Speaker 2: that counts as being thought of on your birthday. If
21:24
Speaker 2: that's something you celebrate.
21:25
Speaker 5: Correct, Like if you don't want to do gifts, that
21:28
Speaker 5: is fine, but that is something that one needs to
21:31
Speaker 5: be clearly articulated, and two needs to be articulated kindly,
21:34
Speaker 5: not in the way that he has spoken to her,
21:36
Speaker 5: which is quite frankly, just so disrespectful.
21:38
Speaker 2: It's disrespectful. But also imagine saying to someone you won't
21:41
Speaker 2: be able to get me anything I want with such
21:43
Speaker 2: little money, so don't bother. Yeah I hate that.
21:46
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's really demeaning.
21:47
Speaker 6: I am so sad that I can't talk much because
21:50
Speaker 6: I have so much to say about this.
21:52
Speaker 4: But all I'm going to say, leave him.
21:56
Speaker 5: I love it.
21:57
Speaker 2: I will advocate for that too, beck As I said,
21:59
Speaker 2: I'll give you the gift of your freedom back. Have it.
22:03
Speaker 2: You can be single.
22:04
Speaker 4: You are welcome.
22:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh absolutely not. Like, no, you know what I
22:10
Speaker 2: can't afford I can't afford you, mate, I can't afford
22:13
Speaker 2: to be wasting any more time with you.
22:15
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is awful.
22:17
Speaker 2: Is it bad that I'm so cut and dry? No,
22:19
Speaker 2: it's not. If your standard's high.
22:21
Speaker 5: There's no gray here. I don't think like it's all
22:25
Speaker 5: it's terrible delivery.
22:26
Speaker 2: I think it's audacity. I also think it is so
22:29
Speaker 2: fine to say, hey, this year's been pretty tough, like,
22:33
Speaker 2: let's cut back our present budget to each other, at
22:36
Speaker 2: which point, as a supportive partner, you'd go, yeah, absolutely,
22:40
Speaker 2: that's fine. You don't even need to have shared finances
22:43
Speaker 2: to be having these conversations. It's more like, why would
22:46
Speaker 2: you want to put that pressure on your partner anyway?
22:49
Speaker 2: Like why would you want your partner to be stressing
22:51
Speaker 2: about your birth date? That would make me feel like
22:54
Speaker 2: if my husband bought me a present. I mean, we
22:56
Speaker 2: share finances, but let's pretend we're still dating. If my
22:59
Speaker 2: husband had brought me a present while we were dating,
23:02
Speaker 2: that I assumed put him significantly out. I would feel
23:06
Speaker 2: worse than having not got anything.
23:08
Speaker 4: Yeah.
23:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I don't want to present, Like, I really
23:10
Speaker 2: don't want to present if you can't afford it to me.
23:12
Speaker 2: It's the thought that counts, and yes, could you just
23:15
Speaker 2: like maybe make me a cup of tea and tell
23:16
Speaker 2: me that you'll give me a foot massage without any
23:18
Speaker 2: complaints for at least ten minutes. Yeah, like that would
23:21
Speaker 2: be good.
23:22
Speaker 5: Him going out of his way to make her feel
23:23
Speaker 5: guilty shows that he doesn't really care about her feelings.
23:28
Speaker 2: And it also feels this is me just getting a
23:30
Speaker 2: little bit deeper into it, I suppose, But like, that's
23:34
Speaker 2: such a savage comment to make that I'm assuming it's
23:37
Speaker 2: not the only types of these comments that he's making. Yes,
23:40
Speaker 2: that's an awful one and it's worth discussing. But I
23:43
Speaker 2: feel like either it's a complete twist of personality and
23:47
Speaker 2: out of the blue, he's said this random thing and
23:49
Speaker 2: this is very strange and we need to talk about it,
23:51
Speaker 2: or like this is just how your partner is and
23:54
Speaker 2: maybe you haven't seen it yeah yet, because we always
23:57
Speaker 2: put some blinkers on and see the best in everybody,
23:59
Speaker 2: especially partner, especially when you've only been together for two years,
24:02
Speaker 2: like you're still in that little love bubble. I just
24:05
Speaker 2: don't think anybody should be treated like trash and expected
24:08
Speaker 2: to put up with it.
24:09
Speaker 4: No at what did everybody else say so.
24:11
Speaker 2: We asked the community. First thing, we said, would you
24:13
Speaker 2: be upset if your partner didn't buy your birthday present?
24:16
Speaker 2: This one surprised me. Eighty three percent of you said.
24:18
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, I get that, I get it.
24:21
Speaker 2: I totally get it. I would be upset if my
24:24
Speaker 2: partner didn't buy me a birthday present if we hadn't
24:26
Speaker 2: discussed it beforehand, because we've already for the last eight
24:29
Speaker 2: plus years, set the expectation that we gift each other things.
24:33
Speaker 2: If it was discussed, no problem. The next question we
24:36
Speaker 2: asked was, if this was you, would you take the
24:39
Speaker 2: comment of don't bother to mean let's not do presents.
24:43
Speaker 2: Sixteen percent of you said yeah, that feels clear. But
24:46
Speaker 2: that's only sixteen percent of you. Eighty four percent of
24:49
Speaker 2: you said no, it was just a passing comment. He
24:51
Speaker 2: said in a fight. Agree. The next question we asked
24:54
Speaker 2: was do you think it sounds like the partner did
24:56
Speaker 2: this out of spite? Seventy seven percent of you said
25:00
Speaker 2: sadly yes, Twenty three percent of you said no communication,
25:04
Speaker 2: he was just bad. We then asked, how do you
25:08
Speaker 2: think that this person should address this conversation with their partner?
25:13
Speaker 2: So I love the comment section because just people are
25:18
Speaker 2: as savage as I am.
25:19
Speaker 4: People can't real spicy.
25:21
Speaker 2: This is a note for our producer. This bit can
25:24
Speaker 2: stay on the show. Can you just beep out what
25:26
Speaker 2: I say here because it's a bit rude. They shouldn't
25:28
Speaker 2: sounds like he's a break it off one thousand percent?
25:33
Speaker 2: Break up with this guy? Is he for real? Don't
25:35
Speaker 2: waste your breath. He's a walking red flag. Someone said,
25:39
Speaker 2: explain how you feel and listen and then both apologize what.
25:44
Speaker 4: We deal with that at all? That's one way to
25:46
Speaker 4: do it.
25:47
Speaker 2: Someone said drop him. Someone else said, break up with him.
25:49
Speaker 2: He didn't even get you a card.
25:52
Speaker 6: Girl.
25:52
Speaker 2: The bar is on the floor.
25:54
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just a complete lack of any like I
25:56
Speaker 5: wrote you a song or like.
25:58
Speaker 4: You know, something like some kind.
26:00
Speaker 2: My husband would divorce me before writing me a soul.
26:03
Speaker 2: I think he'd be like, absolutely.
26:05
Speaker 4: Not a poem. I drew you a picture like this?
26:07
Speaker 2: James does for you. No, but he writes you songs,
26:10
Speaker 2: he draws you pictures.
26:12
Speaker 5: There are so many things that he could do that
26:13
Speaker 5: don't require him to spend any money.
26:15
Speaker 4: Is the point that I'm making.
26:16
Speaker 2: Someone said, I'm a psychologist, here's my best professional advice.
26:19
Speaker 2: Take the whole man and put him in the rubbish. Yes,
26:25
Speaker 2: I love to take the whole man.
26:27
Speaker 1: Yeah.
26:27
Speaker 2: Someone else said, why don't you just leave their pets?
26:32
Speaker 2: Someone says make it clear and say you love receiving
26:35
Speaker 2: surprises because not everybody has the same love language. I mean,
26:40
Speaker 2: I could keep going, but I would say ninety percent
26:43
Speaker 2: of comments in our DMS were like, he ain't it
26:46
Speaker 2: he acting like a child? You don't have a son, boy,
26:49
Speaker 2: bye and break up with him, which look very aggressive.
26:54
Speaker 2: Obviously you're writing into us because you want advice and
26:57
Speaker 2: you want to talk about it. I think you do
26:59
Speaker 2: need to sit down and be like, hey, I feel
27:01
Speaker 2: very hurt. And I think that that's one thing that
27:04
Speaker 2: when you're communicating with people about the circumstance that has happened,
27:08
Speaker 2: you shouldn't say you did this, Beck, you didn't get
27:11
Speaker 2: me a present, And that's rude because you're trying to
27:15
Speaker 2: tell them they've done something wrong. If you reverse engineer
27:19
Speaker 2: that circumstance and be like, hey, beck, I just felt
27:22
Speaker 2: really disappointed that I didn't get a present for my birthday,
27:25
Speaker 2: that puts the emotion back on you and you're not
27:29
Speaker 2: calling them out for something. You're just communicating your feelings,
27:32
Speaker 2: and at the end of the day, people can argue
27:35
Speaker 2: with you saying black and white statements, but it's much
27:38
Speaker 2: harder to come back and go no, no, I didn't.
27:41
Speaker 2: It's like, well, actually I did feel disappointed, and I'd
27:43
Speaker 2: really like to talk about why. Like, you know, after
27:46
Speaker 2: our conversation, I thought were still doing presence, and I
27:49
Speaker 2: just I didn't see it coming. And one of my
27:51
Speaker 2: love languages is gift giving, so it just I felt
27:54
Speaker 2: incredibly disappointed. That's your partner's opportunity to go, oh, I
27:58
Speaker 2: didn't realize you'd be disappointed. I thought we had that conversation,
28:00
Speaker 2: you'd be like, oh, that was a really heated argument
28:03
Speaker 2: where I felt disrespected, and we can have this conversation.
28:08
Speaker 2: I think something that I have learned, much to my
28:10
Speaker 2: husband's dismay, is you can't argue with people's emotions. If
28:14
Speaker 2: I'm sharing that with you, often the response is going
28:18
Speaker 2: to be much easier for them to deal with because
28:20
Speaker 2: they go, oh, I'm so sorry, Jess. I didn't realize
28:22
Speaker 2: I made you feel that way, and we can have
28:23
Speaker 2: a chat about it instead of meeting like, well, Jess,
28:26
Speaker 2: you didn't get me a present.
28:27
Speaker 4: Yeah.
28:27
Speaker 2: Like that's a very black and white statement, because they'll
28:30
Speaker 2: be like, yeah, I didn't.
28:31
Speaker 4: Yeah, so fa.
28:32
Speaker 2: I think that's probably where we'll leave it, because I
28:34
Speaker 2: could go on and on, but I think the last
28:37
Speaker 2: thing I'll say is no, you're worth in, then attacks no,
28:39
Speaker 2: you're worth.
28:40
Speaker 4: Do with that what you will, Yeah, do without what
28:42
Speaker 4: you will.
28:42
Speaker 2: But it has been great joining you guys for another
28:44
Speaker 2: Friday drinks, first one of twenty twenty four, many more
28:47
Speaker 2: to come, Beck, go home, get better. I'm sure you've
28:51
Speaker 2: been sick for six million years. You can't blame me
28:53
Speaker 2: because you haven't seen me any other week except for recording.
28:56
Speaker 2: But have the best week, my loves, and we will
28:58
Speaker 2: see you. Bright's earlier on Monday for another money diary.
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Speaker 2: By The advice shared on She's on the Money is
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