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6 THINGS MY THERAPIST TAUGHT ME · The Karen Kenney Show

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Karen Kenney: It's the Karen Kenney Show. Hey, you guys,
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welcome to the Karen Kenney Show. I'm wicked excited to be
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here with you today. And first things first, if you are
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listening to this show, hi. Thank you so much for being
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here. If you're watching, let me explain a little bit about what
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you're seeing behind me, and I'm only telling you all this
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because it's pertinent to, like, how this show today came about.
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So I'm in the middle of a major project, I've been moving like
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all the bookcases and stuff. I got a new piece that's
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downstairs in what I call the library. It's also aka Toby
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Pajamas Room. Oh my god, Toby Pajamas is our almost 20 year
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old Gingen Ninja Orange Cat. He's amazing. So he has a room
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downstairs, but I call it the library. So I got a new piece -
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it's like a librarian CAD catalog. I'm obsessed with it.
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So I had to move all the bookcases around in my house.
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So, as you can see behind me on the floor, there's all a bunch
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of books everywhere, because I haven't finished organizing, but
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I needed to get.. I'm like, I got to get this podcast done, so
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forgive the mess. But thank goodness, thank you, baby Jesus,
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for the mess, because amongst all the books, when I was moving
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everything around, I found an old notebook. I have since torn
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out in the notebook, all the stuff that I had written in it,
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but inside the cover of this journal, right, it's like eight
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and a half, I'm holding up, it's eight and a half by 11, it's
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pink, it's got a big J on the front of a journal, or whatever,
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but this journal has been with me for a really long time, and I
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had it back in the day, even when I lived in, like,
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California, I had this sucker, so this thing is like, I moved
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back here, I moved back East in 1998 so that's how long, that's
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how long I've had this sucker. So, in 2001 I started teaching
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yoga in 1999 I got certified in 2001 at Kripalu, so the Kripalu
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Center for Yoga and Health, it's out in Weston, Massachusetts, in
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the Berkshires, right. And so when I went to my YTT, my yoga
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teacher training in 2001 the very beginning of 2001 I took
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this journal with me to write down all the stuff, and I wanted
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to take some comforting words with me. I'm sure it was
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something about, like, my nervous system, I was probably
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so stressed out about the fact that I was going to a place that
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I didn't know to live in a dorm, like I lived at Kripalu for a
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whole month, like that's how we used to do it back in the day,
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you would go, you would live there for a month, and I was
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going to be sleeping in a dorm room with like five other women
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that I didn't know in bunk beds, like the whole thing, and so I'm
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sure my nervous system just wanted, like, me and my nervous
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system just wanted something familiar. So, inside this
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journal I have taped these six little, like, business
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card-sized pieces of paper, and I'm going to tell you all about
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them. I'll show you real quick. If you can't see, you can see
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them all, like, taped right in here. So, just imagine on the
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inside of this hard cover, I have these six pieces of paper,
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and they are going to be the hot beat of what we're talking about
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today. So, I don't know what I'm going to call this sucker, maybe
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six fantastic things my therapist told me, or something
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like that, or six like wicked helpful things my therapist told
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me, or taught me. I mean, my therapist at the time, and we're
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going to, I'm going to tell you a little bit about her in a
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moment. She taught me way more than six things, but these were
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little notes that she gave me, and I'll tell you about those in
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a minute. Okay, so if you know me, like if you've been around
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for a while, if you're a loyal listener, or you started from
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episode one on, I think episode two, like episode two, we're now
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at like episode 371 I think.
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This is so way back, way back seven years ago, episode two, I
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think. I, the title is something like meeting my spiritual
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teacher, or something like that. So way back then, I explain how,
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when I lived in LA, this I'm going to go do like super fast,
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wicked like fast Cliff Notes versions of this, so way back in
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the day I worked at a bookstore. Before I worked at the
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bookstore, discovered a book called A Return to Love, blah
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blah blah. Many of you may know, like Marion Williamson and her
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book. Fast forward, when I lived in LA, she and I ended up
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meeting. I'm just, you don't need all these details, that's
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why I'm going to do it really fast. I ended up traveling. I
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went on two spiritual pilgrimages with her, two weeks
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each. One was to England and Ireland, but the first one was
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Egypt. I was in Egypt for two weeks on a spiritual pilgrimage.
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She was kind of leading and guiding and teaching. It was
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life changing. These experiences were life changing. And then I
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came home from England and Ireland, and then, like, a month
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later, I went to.. I mean, I came home from Egypt, and then a
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month later, I went to, like, England and Ireland again. All
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life-changing. And before, during England, the England and
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Ireland trip, Mary Anne and I had a long conversation.
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Whatever, she ended up setting me up with somebody. Okay. Okay,
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so I ended up dating this guy, and I was with him for like six,
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seven months, eight months, I don't know, whatever it was, and
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then we, the relationship ended, and at the end of the
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relationship, Mary Ann gifted me, she, this is why we're
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getting to the point, to the therapist, right, but because
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she set us up and the relationship didn't pan out, she
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gifted me a session with local therapist, a friend of hers,
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right, who is like world-renowned, as I would say,
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for being like a relationship therapist. She deeply
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understands the heart of relating and love and
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partnerships and all the things that can go wrong, all the
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things that can happen when you have two beings who are coming
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together and trying to like do relationships with one another,
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you know what I mean, and her name was Daphne Rose Kingma.
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Now, Daphne, here's what's so fascinating, one of the things
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that I am not surprised at all about, but almost all of my
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most, I mean, maybe it's all I should really think about that,
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but almost all of my beloved teachers, like my teachers who
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have left such a huge mark on me, they're all also happen to
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be right, is no big surprise there. So, Daphne, these are
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just some of her books. I'm holding up a stack of 1234567, I
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know she has more than this books, right? Some of the things
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are titles. This book was really fantastic. I remember this back
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in the day. The men we never knew: how to deepen your
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relationship with the man you love. Then there's a daily
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reader, a daily of daily reflections, a gallon of love,
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true love. How to make your relationship sweeter, deeper,
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and more passionate, on and on and on. Finding true love,
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coming apart. Oh my god, this book right here, you guys, I'm
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holding this sucker up. Coming apart, why relationships end,
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and how to live through the ending of yours. This book was
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like a life wrath, this this thing was like a life saver to
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me. All right, I felt like it was thrown to me to keep my head
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abundant with water and from drowning. Okay, but here's the
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thing, so I started. So, Daphne, when I lived and worked with
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Mary Anne, so that's how all this happened, is I was living,
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I was living in Mary Ann's guest house, and I was working for
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her, right, and during that time is when the relationship with
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this guy ended, and she gifted me the session, and it wasn't
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just one session, I continued, I mean, I started paying for it,
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but I continued to go, like after meeting Daphne, Daphne to
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me had the best, like maternal energy, she saw me, she got me,
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she loved me, she was so compassionate and kind. I mean,
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I've never met another person like Daphne. I just adore her.
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So, she was..
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we were in living in Monticello, Monticello, like really Santa
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Barbara, just Montecito, sorry, Montecito, which is really Santa
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Barbara, but so Daphne was the one who gave me. Finally, here
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we are. Thanks for sticking with me. Daphne was the one who would
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write me these little cards after our sessions. They were
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like little love notes to take with me, almost like homework,
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you know, but in such the sweetest way. And I obviously, I
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still have them all these years later, almost 30 years later,
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that's how much they meant to me. So I thought I would share
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these six things, because they really, really helped me, and I
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think they just might be helpful to somebody out there, somebody
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who's listening too. I don't know if all of them will land
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with you or one of them will land with you, but I think that
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they're even though they were personal to me, just like
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everything on this show, you know, when people ask me, like,
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what's your show about, I'm always like, how do I explain
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this? I'm always like, I use personal storytelling to apply
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universal spiritual principles, or things that just can really
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help us when we're on this whole like being human experience and
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journey, and just trying to be a better human being, trying to
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stay closer and connected to ourselves, to source, however
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you might define that, the spirit of who we are, and just
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really trying to help us like develop more, like self
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development, personal growth, spiritual mentoring,
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storytelling, all of it. Right, that's what this show is. It's
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about really about leaving people better than how I found
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them, and spreading more love in the world, right. So I thought
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that these six things might be helpful to you. Now, maybe
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you'll recognize yourself in some of the habits, right. So
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when she wrote these to me, I was still in my 20s, I was a
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young woman, and I was still figuring some things out and
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navigating the world really without parents, you know. I
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didn't really have parental influence, you know. I lived
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with my aunt and uncle after my mother was killed. My father's,
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my stepfather, my biological father were like not really
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around. I saw them occasionally, or whatever, but nobody was like
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really raising me. Do you know what I mean? So, from like 12.
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Of on, I was really emotionally and stuff in a lot of ways on my
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own, but from 17 on, when I went off to college, I was really
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raising myself, and so these, these adult teachers, these
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adult women, especially, who would come into my life, like
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Mary Anne, and you've heard what guys have heard me talk about
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Miss Le Feb, Kayla Feb, who was one of my, you know, she's still
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one of my beloved humans, who I consider one of my second moms,
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but you know, Daphne also had one of those, like, mom figures
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to me, as well as, like, Marianne, as well, Marian
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Williamson. So, you know, I was a young woman trying to figure
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shit out, and, you know, dating, I've often joked, like, in a lot
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of ways, it's not that the men were the same, like they all
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look different, but a lot of the patterns that existed in my
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relationships and how I related to them in the world and myself.
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Daphne obviously could pick these things up, so maybe you'll
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see yourself in some of these things. Okay, so number one was
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this: ask, she just wrote the word "ask" in all capital
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letters, as k, and underlined it, and she said "selfish is
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your new frontier. So, Daphne, for sure, recognized that I had
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a tendency to not, first of all, didn't even know that I was
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allowed to have needs and desires and wants and things
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that I, you know, things that I want, like me having needs,
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like, what are you kidding me? And then asking for those needs
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to be met from another human being, or asking, I understand,
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right? We have to, like, fulfill our own needs in a lot of ways,
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but when you're in a relationship with somebody, man,
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it is give and take, it is, it is compromise in a lot of ways.
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You have to be willing to collaborate, I think of all
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relations as relationships as collaborations, right?
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And you know, we got to be willing to ask for what we want.
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It doesn't mean that the other person has to give it to us or
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even has the capacity to give it to us, but understanding that
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you are worthy of having feelings, of having needs of
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whatever, and then being brave enough and vulnerable enough to
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ask. When she said, "Selfish is your new frontier, she's kind of
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winking at me, because I would think that, "Oh my god, it's so
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selfish to ask for what I want and what I need, and it was kind
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of like a wink, wink, nudge, nudge, like selfish is your new
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front frontier, because you have just like just assumed that you
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didn't deserve things or weren't allowed to want things, because
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of my, you know, and some of you may, you know, be able to relate
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to this, that when you were younger, especially where I grew
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up and how I grew up in the time I grew up, it's like what I
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wanted to need and didn't give a shit, nobody was asking me, you
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know, and I mean nobody was fulfilling my order. I wasn't
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like pulling up, like special orders don't upset us. No, I
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felt like all my special orders would upset everybody, so I
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never asked. You know what I mean. So, as selfish is your new
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frontier, so being able to speak up and use your voice and ask
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for what you want and ask what you need, it's not actually
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quote unquote selfish, but she was giving me permission to,
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even if it was, even if I thought of those things as
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selfish. She's like, "This is your new frontier, this is what
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I want you to do, like this is your homework. And I started,
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obviously, as I started to mature and grow, and I realized,
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"Oh, that's not selfish at all, that's just called like being in
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relationship and being human, and aka needing help once in a
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while, so that was a really, really, really good lesson for
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me, and hopefully, like I said, some of what I'm going to share
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with you is going to be helpful to you too, because I know so
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many women who put everybody else in their life first, you
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know, and especially add on top of that, if you're a mother,
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right, because then it's like now it's not just like if you're
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in a relationship, or at work, or whatever, you know, a lot of
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us tend to be people pleasers. A lot of us tend to circulate to
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slay ourselves into whatever you need, and sometimes it's what
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you know the people in our life have gotten used to, because
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we've created patterns and habits of how it is. Sometimes
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it's what people try to demand of us, and I think these days we
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get to say, yeah, I'm at capacity, I don't have the
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ability to do that, to not just like put ourselves last all the
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time. Okay, so I could go on and on and on about these, but I
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don't want this to be a 90 minute episode, okay? So ask,
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selfish is your new frontier. She also said this to me. The
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second one says at the end of each day, ask yourself. So that
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first one is about asking others, right? Speak up, use
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your voice, and ask for what you need. This one says at the end
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of each day, ask yourself, what did I need or want today that I
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didn't ask for. Oh man, that was, that's a such a good one.
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What did I need or want today that I didn't ask for? And this
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is such a great reflection, because the deeper part of this,
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the under the under is first of all, why didn't I ask,
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especially if that was my homework, is to start asking,
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but second of all, um. Um, it helped me to get really clear on
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what I want and what I needed, and then why didn't I ask? Was I
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afraid? Because here's what it's getting at.
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If I'm in a relationship with somebody where I feel like it's
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all about them and it's the them show, and it's always about
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them, which is a habit, like it was, you know, I had a habit, or
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let's even say an attraction to dating really, really talented
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and skilled people, you know, people who were used to being
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the center of the universe, people who were used to whether
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they were on stage or they were the best athlete or the best
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musician or whatever, you know, I had a tendency to date people
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who got to be in the spotlight, and I was always like the, the
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consummate, like, cheerleader, right, like the best cheerleader
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of all time, you know, and I'm really good at that, I'm really
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good at building people up and celebrating people and loving
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people, and you know, showering, like, oh my god, you know,
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praise, or whatever on them, but what can happen a lot of that is
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that you and your needs get put to the back burner, and
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sometimes those kinds of people, not always, of course, and I'm
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not vilifying people I dated, I'm just saying, right, it's a
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lot of times those kinds of people aren't used to having
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things be asked of them, because so much is often given to them,
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so much is often assumed, and I'm not saying that they were
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necessarily entitled, but you know, hey, like a lot of men in
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this world, they, they are a little bit entitled, aren't
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they? I mean, in fail, call space paid, kind of fail, so,
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but on top of that, if you're used to being looked at in a
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particular way because of how you look right, whether people
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find you attractive or beautiful or hot or sexy or whatever, and
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then you add a skill set and a talent on that, and you're used
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to getting all this praise, and then you're with somebody who
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wants things from you, it's like, wait, what? So this is
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really good, because it required me to reflect on what kind of
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relationships I was in, what kind of patterns and racket I
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was running on myself or involved in, and why didn't I
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ask for what I wanted, I needed, and also it caused me to slow
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down and really ask myself, what do I want, what do I need, and
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what's mine to take care of, and what is reasonable to ask my
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partner, or my family members, or my friends, so maybe number
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two. The end of each day, ask yourself, what did I need or
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want today that I didn't ask for. Number three, oh my god,
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this is another big one. You guys, it says say thank you for
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each wonderful thing you receive, and then she puts in
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parentheses, so it changes your brain. Oh my god, Daphne was so
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fucking smart back then. You know, nowadays I was kind of
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reflecting on this the other day. How maybe I'll do a whole
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podcast on this, I don't know, but something, you know, it kind
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of happened in the yoga world, and then it just kind of happens
17:59
where things become things become like the hot topic or the
18:03
hot new thing, right. So, yoga had been around for a really
18:07
long time, but then obviously there was this wave, there was
18:09
this wave of yoga that caught on, and then it was just like
18:12
everywhere, and this is the thing about Americans in
18:15
particular. I love us guys, and right, white people, and we have
18:20
a way of kind of like taking things, my God. We have a way of
18:25
taking things, and then just like wringing every ounce out of
18:29
it. Now, especially with the internet, it's like for the
18:32
longest time nobody was really talking about nervous systems
18:35
and stuff, except for maybe therapists and some yoga
18:38
teachers and people who did body work and you know trained and
18:41
stuff like that. Now all of a sudden everybody and their
18:43
brother is giving lectures on the vagus nerve and self
18:46
regulation and attachment, like all these things, right? It's
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like nervous system this, nervous system that, and a lot
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of people don't know what they're talking about.
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I'm not saying I'm an expert, I mean I know, I know I've been
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studying with some really great teachers for a long time, but
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the reason why I'm saying that is that even back in the day,
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Daphne understood about neuroscience and the
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neuroscience of habit and changing my brain. Says, thank
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you for each wonderful thing you receive, so it changes your
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brain. So, what she clocked in me, what she saw in me, is that
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I had a way of ping, ping, ping. I'm doing Wonder Woman bracelets
19:22
right now. I had this way of deflecting, deflecting not just
19:29
compliments, but deflecting love. People would be trying to
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like give me things that could be anything, from a compliment
19:37
to love to money to whatever, and I would just like, ping,
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ping, ping, ricochet rabbit, that shit, you know. Oh my god,
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I wasn't in the habit of, I wasn't used to receiving, I was
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wicked good at giving, not so much at getting, right. So she
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wanted me to start to create new neural pathways. She didn't say
19:57
it this way, she just kept it really simple for my simple.
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Little brain back then, right? Just say thank you for each
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wonderful thing you receive, whether it's a compliment,
20:05
whether it's a hug, whether it's somebody wanted to spend time
20:08
with me, whether it was an opportunity, right? Somebody
20:11
wanted to help me and give me money, like whatever it was,
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like let yourself receive it. Oh my god, I had to learn, as Robin
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Dramas Tagore says, like, the capacity to receive, I had to
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create the capacity to receive things, and Daphne saw this in
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me, like, God, thank.. I just like, thank you so much to that
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young, younger 20 year old, you know, 20 something year old
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version of me who was just, just willing to listen, and that's
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the thing I've always said, is when smarty pants people are
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saying smarty pants things, I am smart enough to listen, and
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Daphne was somebody that not only did I cherish, but I
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listened to. Okay, this next one is all about like rest, okay?
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She says just because you don't think you're doing anything
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doesn't mean you're not doing anything. So, so often I used to
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think, and she drew a little hat, she drew a little hat next
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to that one. I think there was a part of me back in the day that
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was incredibly restless, and I would not like to just like sit
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around or be with my feelings or be with myself, because I felt
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like if I wasn't doing anything, then nothing was happening, I
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wasn't doing anything, you know, and I came from a very blue
21:34
collar background, maybe some of you were listening and you're
21:36
like, yeah, me too, right, it was like, must be productive,
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must earn my worth, must do all this shit. Resting was not
21:44
something that we like, like even now. Like, I'm not the best
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rester. It doesn't mean I can lay perfectly still, you know,
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for long periods of time, right? I can be in shavasana. It's not
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that I.. I'm somebody who generates a lot of energy,
22:00
right? So I can go, go, go, go, go, and I've always been able to
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be still for long periods of time, like reading books. I will
22:10
be a reader to the day I die, or I can't see, and even if I
22:13
couldn't see, I'd probably start doing audio books and all that
22:16
stuff, right. I can be still now, but I think back in the
22:22
day, whether it's whatever we can say, my nervous system did
22:26
not feel safety, you know, because safe doesn't always feel
22:30
safe when you're not used to it, and being still, I was a person
22:34
who had to hustle for a really long time in my life, and yeah,
22:40
so I think that this just giving me this thing about just because
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you don't think you're doing anything doesn't mean that stuff
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isn't happening, and I have learned this as a writer, for
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sure. I have learned this as a writer, for sure. And I think it
22:53
was, oh my god, who said it? I don't know if it was Flannery
22:56
O'Connor, I don't know, but somebody said that one of the..
22:59
I'm totally butchering this, but so forgive me if somebody knows
23:02
I have the exact quote written down somewhere, but it just came
23:05
to mind. But it's something about like that. One of the
23:08
things that writers need to be able to do, or creative people
23:11
need to be able to do, is to have the ability to sit kind of
23:15
and stare stupidly, like you have to be able to just sit and
23:19
like look out a window, sit and let your mind dream, right?
23:23
Because when you're creating and writing, you're closer to the
23:26
dream state, right, than you are to the thinking state. And so
23:29
it's like this ability to sit and to stare, to be able to be
23:34
still. And I will tell you that, and not just like still, but you
23:38
know, you could be taking a walk and you'll feel guilty because
23:41
you're out taking a walk or playing with your dog or doing
23:44
something, because you think, oh, I'm not quote unquote doing
23:46
anything, as if the thing I'm doing doesn't have value because
23:50
I'm not earning money or I'm not creating some sort of quote
23:54
unquote fucking value. Oh my god, this whole thing about
23:59
everything you need to do on the internet or in your business, in
24:01
your life, you have to create value for others. I might have
24:05
to do a whole podcast about that. So, this is also just like
24:08
another little love note, a little permission slip to me
24:12
that basically says, like, you can do quote unquote nothing,
24:18
right? And it's still, you're still doing stuff to help you to
24:23
heal, to grow, to deepen your relationship with yourself,
24:27
source spirit, whatever. That was such a huge one for me, you
24:31
know. If you haven't read the book, "Rest is Resistance" check
24:35
that sucker out too. But I love that one, and maybe Double A men
24:39
hands, if you know what I'm saying, that we've been fed the
24:42
story sometimes from our origin family of origin, sometimes from
24:46
our culture, blue collar kids, whatever. Now, don't get me
24:49
wrong, I love a hard worker, I am a hard worker myself, and
24:54
there are times when we need to let stuff breathe. And be and I
25:01
will sometimes get my best ideas, my best ahas when I'm
25:06
walking, when I'm out taking a walk, or when I'm driving. I
25:09
know some of the people always say it's when they're in the
25:11
shower, or whatever it is, but just because we're not doing
25:14
anything, quote unquote anything, doesn't mean we're not
25:17
doing anything. We could be gathering, right? We could just
25:21
be letting creativity and imagination play, and that is
25:25
really vital, and that is really important, and I don't think we
25:28
do it enough sometimes. Okay, here's the next one. This also
25:33
goes back to my capacity, I think, back in the day to over
25:40
give. I am an over giver. I would say I'm probably still in
25:44
some ways an over giver, although I have better
25:46
boundaries now. I had to work on it for a wicked long time.
25:50
Anybody else, it's not just me, right? Oh my god. So she wrote
25:55
this. This one's in blue, and she says, give yourself, and she
26:00
underlined your, she underlined this, give yourself as much as
26:06
you give them, and she underlined them, and she also
26:10
put in parentheses money as well, so she's like, give
26:14
yourself as much as you give them, oh man. so it's not just
26:25
about money, obviously. This is about how we have a tendency,
26:29
you know, and this is people like women in particular,
26:32
people, certain people in general. We have a tendency to
26:36
give so much of ourselves away, our time, our creativity, our
26:41
energy, our means, our money, whatever we do, do, do, do, do
26:46
for other people, and then we leave ourselves table scraps, we
26:50
leave ourselves bread crumbs, and we'll give away a whole
26:54
meal, and sometimes you give away your time, sometimes you
26:57
give away your attention, sometimes you give away your
26:59
body, sometimes you give away your money, sometimes you give
27:02
away your talent, sometimes you give away your ideas, right?
27:07
Maybe it's in the workplace, and people are always like, you
27:11
know, taking credit for your work, or whatever it is, but
27:14
this was like, this was like, like using practically, she
27:19
wrote it in all capitals and in blue, and underline some shit on
27:23
this thing. She wanted to get my attention, like, "Hey, give
27:27
yourself as much as you give to others, right? Like, you deserve
27:32
it too. You are worthy of your own time, attention, energy,
27:36
love, your own focus, your praise, your building others up,
27:40
all the things that you do for other people, right? Make sure
27:43
you're doing it for yourself too. I think a lot of us - I
27:46
don't like the word guilty, but I think a lot of us are
27:49
patterned and habituated into doing that, right. It's kind of
27:52
the ways we move to the world, especially again as women, and
27:57
this is a really important thing. And you know what, maybe
28:00
you won't start off, you know, giving as much as you give to
28:04
others, but, man, we got to start somewhere. And this now is
28:07
like, I'm in a place in my life, you know, I'm almost 58 where I
28:10
think, like, yeah, I mean, I do deserve my own time, my own
28:15
attention, my own resources, right? I don't have to, like,
28:18
you know, if you have guilt around whether it's making money
28:22
or doing well, or blah, but fill in the blank, whatever it is,
28:26
right? Still be generous, of course, still be kind, still
28:32
share your snacks, right? But, and there will be times, right,
28:36
especially when money is tight. I've known a lot of mothers who
28:39
are like, "My kids eat first, and I get whatever's left over,
28:41
and I start growing up as well, and hopefully that we come to a
28:46
time where you're able, whatever kind of resource it is, your own
28:51
love, give yourself as much love as you give to other people as
28:54
well. Okay, that's a really important one. And then this
28:58
last one, this again was also directed towards me in a very
29:02
personal way, but I think that it applies to all of us, or
29:09
maybe most of us. I don't want to assume things, but it says
29:13
have compassion for the 12 year old, because she's, you know, as
29:17
you guys know, my mother was murdered right when I was 12,
29:20
and she says have compassion for the 12 year old, give her a
29:25
hearing, like what she's saying to me, so this is a two pada,
29:30
and then so she's like have compassion for the 12 year old,
29:33
give her a hearing, so she's like again, if we were to look
29:37
at this from like an ifs or internal family systems or pots
29:40
work perspective, you know what she was saying to me is like
29:43
that 12 year old girl is still alive and well in there, and
29:46
she's trying to get your attention, like so you know you
29:49
need to like you need to listen, you need to listen to what these
29:52
younger parts of you, these parts of you that maybe you have
29:55
pushed into the corner or exiled, right, give them a
29:59
voice, give them. A hearing, listen to what comes up, and I
30:03
can often tell when that part of me is feeling neglected or
30:08
unheard, right? I can tell by the way, like, you know,
30:10
sometimes I'll, I'll say how sometimes I feel, I don't know,
30:16
maybe the word is whiney, or I feel a little like whatever, and
30:20
I'm like, you know, there's some younger versions of you that are
30:22
trying to get your attention, and I can tell whether it's my
30:25
attitude, whether it's my tone of voice, or what I'm getting,
30:28
quote unquote, triggered by the things that are like bothering
30:31
me, or whatever. I'm like, oh yeah, you know, 57 year old you
30:34
is not the one who's having the problem right now, it's like
30:36
these younger versions of you, and you need to listen to them,
30:39
because if you don't, they will start sounding the alarm, and
30:42
for me the alarm in my body was irritable bowel syndrome, was
30:45
anxiety, right? it was all these things that are coming up, so I
30:50
love that. Have compassion, right?
30:53
don't look at those younger parts of you as a burden,
30:55
because that's what happened when we didn't give them a
30:58
listening to, we didn't give them a quote unquote hearing,
31:01
those parts of us became burdened with responsibilities
31:04
that they shouldn't have had to do, emotional burdens, right,
31:07
mental, heavy mental lifting, trying to keep us safe, trying
31:11
to navigate, and that 12 year old girl, man, she was fucking
31:15
brave, she was, she was a lot of things, and I love her now, I
31:19
love that part of me, you know, and so I now do listen. I have
31:23
learned a lot since back in the day, since California. Okay, and
31:29
then underneath that she wrote, trust that you can learn it now
31:33
in an organic process, and I think what she was saying is
31:37
that there was so much that I was not taught, there was so
31:41
much that I didn't learn when I was younger. Again, coming from
31:45
where I came from, when I came from, at that particular time,
31:49
the people who raised me, how I was raised, the environment I
31:52
was raised in, all of those things kind of created, right,
31:54
like this identity, this person of who I was, and she was saying
31:58
to me, you know, just because you didn't learn back then how
32:02
to be fill in the blank compassionate or more kind
32:05
towards yourself or more open and receptive or more trusting
32:08
or whatever the thing was that week that we were talking about,
32:11
right, trust that you can learn it now, that just because I
32:16
think of it like Marion Williamson once was talking
32:18
about miracles and how you know miracles are always like, I'll
32:26
put it this way, miracles are kind of always flowing our way,
32:29
they're always coming towards us, and a lot of times, again,
32:32
like with my Wonder Woman bracelets, ping, ping, ping, you
32:34
just deflect, deflect, deflect, you don't think you're ready,
32:37
you don't think you're worthy, you don't see it, you're not
32:39
paying attention, you're distracted by bullshit, or
32:41
whatever, and it's not that you lose the miracles. She would
32:47
kind of put it like this: she would say it's like they're kept
32:49
in, like, by the Holy Spirit, by spirit, they're like kept in it,
32:52
like a bank account, a savings account for you until you're
32:55
ready to receive it. And I always love that idea, whether
32:58
you think it's true or not. I just love the concept that, that
33:01
it doesn't pass us by if we were not capable, if we were not, if
33:06
we hadn't created, created the capacity to receive it yet, we
33:10
didn't miss out, right? There's still shit just being held in
33:13
trust for us, for when we're ready, and trusting that even
33:18
though I didn't learn those things back then I didn't miss
33:21
out on the opportunity to better myself or to grow into those
33:26
spiritual muscles to learn those lessons of relating, or you
33:30
know, all the things, all the things that so many of us who
33:34
were traumatized kids, right, who didn't have enough time,
33:37
attention, love, money, means, resources, whatever, a lot of us
33:41
were just freaking, you know? I say we're like raw dogging it,
33:45
you know? People like, don't use that word, but it always makes
33:47
me laugh. It's like we were just out there, like dog paddling and
33:50
surviving, and trying to keep our head above water. And so a
33:54
lot of the developmental stuff that a lot of people who were
33:57
raised, maybe by parents who were emotionally mature or
34:01
capable, or even present, right? I didn't get to learn a lot of
34:06
those things, and I had to find out the fucking hard way on my
34:09
own. Clumsy as shit, just making all kinds of mistakes, and I can
34:13
look back now, and I can laugh. I mean, even well into my 30s, I
34:17
was like, what were you thinking with those choices? Sometimes
34:21
you know what I mean, but here we are, and we survived it,
34:24
guys. Here we are. That's Goonies. I wear my Goonies
34:28
shirts. Goonies never say die, so we can, we can learn some
34:33
shit. Like, up until we're.. I always say, look, if I am alive,
34:37
I am conscious, and I am breathing. I am still capable of
34:40
learning and growing and changing, so double Amen hands
34:44
to that, and that means you too. That means you too.
34:48
We have to be curious, we have to be willing, we have to be
34:52
able to pay attention to details, we have to be able to
34:54
put in the time, we have to be willing, willing, willing, and
34:58
curious. Those are two really big ones. Yes, so you guys trust
35:02
that you can learn it now in an organic process too, that it's
35:07
not too late for any of us. It's never too late to change. My
35:10
sweetie has a great song that he wrote, and that's the chorus. I
35:13
love that line: it's never too late to change. We can all do
35:16
this, and luckily we don't have to do it alone. We get to do it
35:21
together, I Okay, so I'm going to leave you with that right
35:26
now. I gotta get going. I gotta go teach a yoga class, but
35:29
here's the thing: if you are still listening, you can still
35:31
hear the sound of my voice, and you're like, I want to do some
35:33
things together with UKK. There's so many things that I'm
35:36
offering right now. I have a yoga class that I teach. I do
35:39
Thai yoga body work, traditionally known as Thai yoga
35:42
massage. For my local people here in New Hampshire, I have
35:45
Write Club, which is right now it's an in-person monthly
35:49
generative writing workshop. It's happening at the 11th Letta
35:54
in Concord, New Hampshire, on Main Street. My friend Jocelyn
35:58
Wynn, it's her writing gallery. So, once a month we meet there,
36:00
and we do a half day, a four hour workshop, and it's called
36:05
Right Club. And our next one is coming up on Saturday, june 27
36:09
which is amazing. My friend Emmeline and I, Emily Aborn, we
36:14
are doing a series of workshops on podcasting. We have three of
36:18
those suckers. Those are happening also in June, July,
36:21
and August, you can find out about all this. Like, go to my
36:24
website, Karen kenney.com and you can find everything there.
36:29
You can find out about the nest, my group mentoring program, my
36:33
spiritual mentoring program, and community. The people in it are
36:36
amazing. I love these people. I think you would too. And, of
36:40
course, I work one to one in a variety of ways with folks, so
36:44
all kinds of shenanigans happening, and if you want to
36:46
know what those are, without having to write to me or find
36:50
out online, whatever, just go, just go to Karen kenney.com/sign
36:54
up, and sign up for my newsletter, and you will get
36:56
everything sent right into your inbox, you will find out
36:59
everything that is going on, and then this this podcast will also
37:04
show up on your inbox every Thursday morning, so that's what
37:08
I got for you today. Again, if you want to check out some of
37:11
these books, you can see I'm holding up the book, Daphne Rose
37:16
Kingma, you can Google her, she's been on Oprah, The Larry
37:19
King Show, whatever, Daphne's been around, she's gorgeous too.
37:22
Look at her, this is like back in the day. These are like old
37:24
pictures, because these are old books, but she's just gorgeous,
37:28
just gorgeous. Look at my friend. Oh my god, I love her. I
37:33
love her, and I miss her. She's in California, and I haven't
37:36
seen her in such a long time, but I'm always blasting her with
37:40
love, wherever she is in the world, just like my hat, like a
37:43
little golden string is tied to hers, and it always will be. So,
37:46
if you had a great therapist, too, if you had somebody who
37:49
really took you under their wing and helped you and helped you to
37:52
discover yourself, like, how lucky are we. And she was really
37:56
my only therapist. I went to those are other stories for
38:00
others' days, but I had, she was the best of the best, and I
38:04
adored her. Alright, you guys, I'm going to wrap it up here.
38:07
Wherever you go, may you leave yourself and the animals and the
38:11
other humans and the environment and the planet better than how
38:15
you found it. Wherever you go, may you leave now. Wherever you
38:20
go, may your love, your energy, your presence, your attention,
38:26
everything, just you being there, may it be a blessing.
38:30
Bye. Hey, thanks so much for listening to the show.
38:34
I really love spending some time together. Now, if you dig the
38:38
show or know someone that could benefit from this episode,
38:41
please share it with them and help me to spread the good word
38:45
and the love. And if you want to be in the know about all of my
38:48
upcoming shenanigans, head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign up
38:54
and join my list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch. Bye
38:59
bye.