Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 260: Navigating the Path from Awareness to Regulation: A Guide for the Adult Child of Dysfunction

Transcript

E 260: Navigating the Path from Awareness to Regulation: A Guide for the Adult Child of Dysfunction · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:02
  Well,
• 0:02
  hello
• 0:03
  everybody,
• 0:03
  and
• 0:03
  welcome
• 0:03
  back
• 0:04
  to
• 0:04
  another
• 0:04
  episode
• 0:04
  of
• 0:05
  Adult
• 0:05
  Child
• 0:05
  of
• 0:05
  Dysfunction.
• 0:06
  Today
• 0:07
  you
• 0:07
  have
• 0:07
  just
• 0:07
  me
• 0:08
  again.
• 0:08
  And
• 0:09
  I'm
• 0:09
  coming
• 0:09
  back
• 0:09
  to
• 0:10
  kind
• 0:10
  of
• 0:10
  discuss
• 0:10
  the
• 0:11
  episode
• 0:11
  that
• 0:11
  we
• 0:11
  had
• 0:12
  last
• 0:12
  with
• 0:12
  Kimberly
• 0:13
  Conte.
• 0:14
  Was
• 0:15
  that
• 0:15
  an
• 0:15
  honest
• 0:15
  conversation?
• 0:16
  And
• 0:16
  I
• 0:16
  know
• 0:17
  so
• 0:17
  much
• 0:17
  of
• 0:18
  what
• 0:18
  she
• 0:18
  said.
• 0:18
  You
• 0:18
  heard
• 0:19
  yourselves
• 0:19
  in
• 0:20
  her
• 0:20
  story.
• 0:20
  The
• 0:21
  people
• 0:21
  pleasing,
• 0:21
  the
• 0:22
  bullying,
• 0:22
  the
• 0:22
  feeling
• 0:23
  of,
• 0:23
  I'll
• 0:23
  be
• 0:23
  whoever
• 0:24
  you
• 0:24
  need
• 0:24
  me
• 0:24
  to
• 0:25
  be
• 0:25
  so
• 0:25
  I
• 0:25
  don't
• 0:26
  rock
• 0:26
  any
• 0:26
  boats.
• 0:27
  And
• 0:27
  that
• 0:27
  moment
• 0:27
  she
• 0:28
  described
• 0:28
  of
• 0:28
  realizing
• 0:29
  she
• 0:29
  had
• 0:29
  to
• 0:29
  rewire
• 0:30
  her
• 0:30
  entire
• 0:31
  brain.
• 0:31
  Today
• 0:32
  I
• 0:32
  want
• 0:32
  to
• 0:32
  kind
• 0:32
  of
• 0:32
  follow
• 0:33
  up
• 0:33
  with
• 0:33
  something
• 0:33
  I
• 0:33
  see
• 0:34
  constantly
• 0:35
  in
• 0:35
  my
• 0:35
  work.
• 0:35
  Why
• 0:36
  awareness
• 0:36
  alone
• 0:37
  is
• 0:37
  not
• 0:38
  enough.
• 0:38
  It's
• 0:39
  just
• 0:39
  not
• 0:39
  enough.
• 0:39
  It's
• 0:40
  the
• 0:40
  first
• 0:40
  step.
• 0:41
  But
• 0:41
  why?
• 0:42
  Exactly
• 0:43
  why?
• 0:43
  When
• 0:44
  you
• 0:44
  know
• 0:44
  exactly
• 0:45
  why
• 0:45
  you
• 0:45
  feel
• 0:46
  the
• 0:46
  way
• 0:46
  you
• 0:46
  do,
• 0:47
  do
• 0:47
  you
• 0:47
  still
• 0:48
  feel
• 0:48
  stuck?
• 0:49
  And
• 0:49
  the
• 0:49
  answer
• 0:49
  is
• 0:49
  that
• 0:50
  you're
• 0:50
  not
• 0:50
  broken.
• 0:51
  It's
• 0:51
  just
• 0:51
  that
• 0:51
  your
• 0:51
  nervous
• 0:52
  system
• 0:52
  is
• 0:52
  doing
• 0:53
  its
• 0:53
  job.
• 0:53
  It's
• 0:53
  protecting
• 0:54
  you.
• 0:55
  When
• 0:55
  people
• 0:55
  grow
• 0:55
  up
• 0:55
  in
• 0:56
  the
• 0:56
  kind
• 0:56
  of
• 0:56
  dysfunction
• 0:56
  that
• 0:57
  many
• 0:57
  of
• 0:57
  us
• 0:57
  does,
• 0:57
  your
• 0:58
  body
• 0:58
  learns
• 0:59
  safety
• 0:59
  through
• 0:59
  strategy.
• 1:00
  Some
• 1:01
  people
• 1:01
  learn
• 1:01
  to
• 1:01
  get
• 1:02
  loud,
• 1:02
  some
• 1:02
  people
• 1:03
  learn
• 1:03
  to
• 1:03
  disappear.
• 1:04
  And
• 1:04
  a
• 1:04
  lot
• 1:04
  of
• 1:04
  us
• 1:04
  learn
• 1:05
  the
• 1:05
  fawn
• 1:05
  response,
• 1:06
  which
• 1:06
  is
• 1:07
  that
• 1:07
  people
• 1:07
  pleasing,
• 1:08
  we
• 1:08
  come,
• 1:09
  agreeable,
• 1:10
  highly
• 1:10
  helpful,
• 1:11
  willing
• 1:12
  to
• 1:12
  do
• 1:12
  anything.
• 1:13
  Like
• 1:13
  I
• 1:13
  said,
• 1:14
  just
• 1:14
  so
• 1:14
  you
• 1:14
  don't
• 1:15
  rock
• 1:15
  the
• 1:16
  boat.
• 1:17
  We
• 1:17
  also
• 1:17
  become
• 1:18
  hyper
• 1:18
  aware
• 1:18
  of
• 1:19
  everyone
• 1:19
  else's
• 1:19
  feelings.
• 1:20
  And
• 1:20
  this
• 1:20
  isn't
• 1:21
  who
• 1:21
  you
• 1:21
  are.
• 1:21
  It's
• 1:22
  not
• 1:22
  who
• 1:22
  you
• 1:22
  are,
• 1:23
  it's
• 1:23
  just
• 1:23
  what
• 1:23
  kept
• 1:24
  you
• 1:24
  safe.
• 1:24
  This
• 1:25
  is
• 1:25
  where
• 1:25
  it
• 1:25
  gets
• 1:26
  super
• 1:26
  frustrating,
• 1:27
  because
• 1:28
  you'll
• 1:28
  read
• 1:28
  the
• 1:28
  books,
• 1:29
  you
• 1:29
  go
• 1:29
  to
• 1:29
  therapy,
• 1:30
  you
• 1:30
  do
• 1:30
  all
• 1:30
  the
• 1:30
  journaling.
• 1:31
  You
• 1:31
  go,
• 1:32
  you
• 1:32
  do
• 1:32
  all
• 1:32
  the
• 1:33
  things,
• 1:33
  and
• 1:33
  you'll
• 1:34
  be
• 1:34
  able
• 1:34
  to
• 1:34
  explain
• 1:34
  your
• 1:35
  patterns
• 1:35
  perfectly.
• 1:36
  But
• 1:36
  then
• 1:36
  you're
• 1:37
  in
• 1:37
  a
• 1:37
  real
• 1:37
  moment
• 1:37
  where
• 1:38
  the
• 1:38
  rubber
• 1:38
  hits
• 1:38
  the
• 1:38
  road.
• 1:38
  You've
• 1:39
  probably
• 1:39
  heard
• 1:39
  me
• 1:39
  say
• 1:39
  that
• 1:40
  before.
• 1:40
  And
• 1:41
  all
• 1:41
  of
• 1:41
  a
• 1:41
  sudden,
• 1:41
  here
• 1:41
  you
• 1:41
  are
• 1:42
  having
• 1:42
  to
• 1:42
  make
• 1:42
  that
• 1:42
  decision,
• 1:43
  having
• 1:43
  to
• 1:43
  stand
• 1:43
  up
• 1:43
  for
• 1:44
  yourself,
• 1:44
  having
• 1:44
  to
• 1:45
  be
• 1:45
  your
• 1:45
  authentic
• 1:46
  self
• 1:46
  and
• 1:46
  get
• 1:46
  what
• 1:46
  you
• 1:47
  want
• 1:47
  and
• 1:47
  ask
• 1:47
  what
• 1:47
  for
• 1:48
  you,
• 1:48
  what
• 1:48
  you
• 1:49
  want
• 1:49
  without
• 1:50
  stress,
• 1:50
  without
• 1:50
  anxiety,
• 1:51
  without
• 1:51
  guilt,
• 1:52
  and
• 1:52
  without
• 1:52
  shame.
• 1:53
  So
• 1:53
  what
• 1:53
  happens?
• 1:54
  Your
• 1:54
  heart
• 1:54
  races,
• 1:55
  your
• 1:55
  throat
• 1:55
  tightens
• 1:56
  up,
• 1:56
  your
• 1:56
  brain
• 1:57
  goes
• 1:57
  completely
• 1:57
  blank,
• 1:58
  and
• 1:58
  you
• 1:58
  say
• 1:59
  yes
• 1:59
  when
• 1:59
  you
• 2:00
  wanted
• 2:00
  to
• 2:00
  say
• 2:00
  no.
• 2:01
  Here's
• 2:02
  the
• 2:02
  simplest
• 2:03
  way,
• 2:03
  and
• 2:03
  I
• 2:03
  want
• 2:03
  to
• 2:03
  explain
• 2:04
  this
• 2:04
  in
• 2:04
  the
• 2:04
  simplest
• 2:05
  way
• 2:05
  that
• 2:05
  I
• 2:05
  can
• 2:06
  explain
• 2:06
  how
• 2:06
  healing
• 2:07
  happens.
• 2:07
  It
• 2:07
  happens
• 2:08
  in
• 2:08
  three
• 2:08
  layers.
• 2:09
  One
• 2:09
  is
• 2:10
  awareness.
• 2:10
  You
• 2:11
  see
• 2:11
  the
• 2:11
  pattern.
• 2:12
  You
• 2:12
  know
• 2:12
  you've
• 2:13
  been
• 2:13
  to
• 2:13
  therapy,
• 2:13
  they've
• 2:14
  told
• 2:14
  you
• 2:14
  why
• 2:14
  you
• 2:14
  act
• 2:15
  the
• 2:15
  way
• 2:15
  you
• 2:15
  do
• 2:16
  and
• 2:17
  what
• 2:17
  to
• 2:17
  do
• 2:17
  about
• 2:17
  it.
• 2:18
  Number
• 2:19
  two,
• 2:20
  regulation.
• 2:21
  That
• 2:21
  is
• 2:21
  where
• 2:21
  your
• 2:21
  body
• 2:22
  learns
• 2:22
  safety.
• 2:23
  And
• 2:23
  that
• 2:24
  is
• 2:24
  the
• 2:24
  most
• 2:24
  important
• 2:25
  part.
• 2:25
  Until
• 2:25
  your
• 2:26
  body
• 2:26
  truly
• 2:26
  feels
• 2:27
  safe,
• 2:27
  it
• 2:28
  doesn't
• 2:28
  matter
• 2:28
  how
• 2:28
  aware
• 2:29
  you
• 2:29
  are,
• 2:29
  you're
• 2:30
  not
• 2:30
  going
• 2:30
  to
• 2:30
  be
• 2:31
  able
• 2:31
  to
• 2:31
  stand
• 2:31
  up
• 2:31
  for
• 2:31
  yourself
• 2:32
  or
• 2:32
  say
• 2:32
  what
• 2:32
  you
• 2:32
  want
• 2:33
  because
• 2:33
  your
• 2:34
  brain
• 2:34
  perceives
• 2:35
  that
• 2:36
  confrontation
• 2:37
  as
• 2:37
  dangerous.
• 2:38
  And
• 2:39
  then
• 2:39
  step
• 2:39
  three,
• 2:40
  after
• 2:40
  you've
• 2:40
  learned
• 2:40
  the
• 2:41
  safety
• 2:41
  part
• 2:41
  of
• 2:41
  it
• 2:42
  is
• 2:42
  the
• 2:42
  repatterning,
• 2:43
  your
• 2:43
  subconscious
• 2:44
  learns
• 2:44
  a
• 2:44
  whole
• 2:45
  new
• 2:45
  default.
• 2:45
  And
• 2:46
  all
• 2:46
  of
• 2:46
  a
• 2:46
  sudden,
• 2:46
  what
• 2:46
  was
• 2:47
  at
• 2:47
  the
• 2:47
  subconscious
• 2:48
  level
• 2:48
  as
• 2:48
  fear
• 2:49
  and
• 2:49
  anxiety
• 2:49
  and
• 2:49
  stress
• 2:50
  is
• 2:50
  now
• 2:51
  just
• 2:51
  a
• 2:51
  normal
• 2:51
  part
• 2:51
  of
• 2:52
  life
• 2:52
  and
• 2:52
  something
• 2:52
  you
• 2:52
  can
• 2:53
  deal
• 2:53
  with
• 2:53
  every
• 2:53
  single
• 2:54
  day.
• 2:55
  Kimberly
• 2:56
  and
• 2:56
  I
• 2:56
  talked
• 2:56
  about
• 2:57
  so
• 2:57
  many
• 2:57
  great
• 2:57
  things.
• 2:58
  Please,
• 2:58
  I
• 2:58
  encourage
• 2:59
  you
• 2:59
  to
• 2:59
  go
• 2:59
  back
• 2:59
  and
• 2:59
  listen
• 3:00
  to
• 3:00
  the
• 3:00
  last
• 3:00
  episode
• 3:00
  because
• 3:01
  we
• 3:01
  were
• 3:01
  all
• 3:01
  over
• 3:01
  the
• 3:01
  place.
• 3:02
  We
• 3:02
  talked
• 3:02
  about
• 3:02
  everything.
• 3:03
  But
• 3:03
  she
• 3:03
  talked
• 3:04
  about
• 3:04
  going
• 3:04
  back
• 3:04
  and
• 3:05
  talking
• 3:05
  back
• 3:05
  to
• 3:06
  that
• 3:06
  inner
• 3:06
  critic.
• 3:06
  And
• 3:07
  I
• 3:07
  love
• 3:07
  that
• 3:08
  this
• 3:08
  is
• 3:08
  part
• 3:08
  of
• 3:09
  repatterning.
• 3:10
  But
• 3:10
  if
• 3:10
  the
• 3:10
  system
• 3:11
  is
• 3:11
  dysregulated,
• 3:12
  even
• 3:12
  the
• 3:12
  best
• 3:13
  affirmations
• 3:14
  can
• 3:14
  feel
• 3:14
  fake
• 3:15
  because
• 3:15
  your
• 3:15
  nervous
• 3:16
  system
• 3:16
  hears,
• 3:17
  I
• 3:17
  am
• 3:17
  safe.
• 3:18
  But
• 3:18
  how
• 3:19
  does
• 3:19
  it
• 3:19
  respond?
• 3:20
  How
• 3:20
  does
• 3:20
  your
• 3:20
  body
• 3:20
  respond?
• 3:22
  It
• 3:22
  says,
• 3:22
  no,
• 3:22
  we're
• 3:22
  not.
• 3:23
  Look
• 3:23
  at
• 3:23
  the
• 3:23
  history.
• 3:24
  Things
• 3:24
  always
• 3:24
  go
• 3:25
  wrong.
• 3:25
  Things
• 3:25
  are
• 3:25
  always
• 3:25
  bad.
• 3:26
  If
• 3:26
  I
• 3:26
  say
• 3:26
  yes,
• 3:27
  if
• 3:27
  I
• 3:27
  confront,
• 3:28
  it's
• 3:29
  going
• 3:29
  to
• 3:29
  be
• 3:29
  bad.
• 3:29
  So
• 3:30
  we
• 3:30
  start
• 3:30
  by
• 3:30
  creating
• 3:31
  first
• 3:32
  enough
• 3:32
  safety
• 3:33
  in
• 3:33
  the
• 3:33
  body
• 3:33
  to
• 3:34
  let
• 3:34
  the
• 3:34
  mind
• 3:35
  work.
• 3:37
  So
• 3:37
  let's
• 3:37
  do
• 3:37
  something
• 3:38
  right
• 3:38
  now.
• 3:38
  It's
• 3:38
  kind
• 3:38
  of
• 3:39
  like
• 3:39
  I
• 3:39
  call
• 3:39
  a
• 3:39
  90
• 3:39
  second
• 3:40
  reset.
• 3:41
  I
• 3:41
  want
• 3:41
  you
• 3:41
  to
• 3:41
  look
• 3:42
  around
• 3:42
  your
• 3:42
  space,
• 3:42
  look
• 3:43
  around
• 3:43
  the
• 3:43
  room.
• 3:44
  Let
• 3:44
  your
• 3:44
  eyes
• 3:45
  land
• 3:45
  on
• 3:45
  five
• 3:46
  neutral
• 3:46
  objects.
• 3:47
  I
• 3:47
  don't
• 3:47
  care
• 3:47
  what
• 3:47
  it
• 3:48
  is.
• 3:48
  A
• 3:48
  picture
• 3:48
  on
• 3:48
  the
• 3:49
  wall,
• 3:50
  a
• 3:50
  microphone,
• 3:51
  a
• 3:51
  glass,
• 3:52
  an
• 3:52
  essential
• 3:52
  oil,
• 3:53
  whatever
• 3:53
  is
• 3:53
  sitting
• 3:54
  in
• 3:54
  your
• 3:54
  room,
• 3:55
  a
• 3:55
  chair,
• 3:55
  a
• 3:55
  wall,
• 3:55
  a
• 3:55
  plant.
• 3:56
  Doesn't
• 3:56
  even
• 3:56
  matter
• 3:56
  what
• 3:57
  it
• 3:57
  is.
• 3:58
  Just
• 3:58
  look
• 3:58
  at
• 3:58
  anything.
• 3:59
  What
• 3:59
  this
• 4:00
  tells
• 4:00
  the
• 4:00
  brain
• 4:00
  is
• 4:01
  we're
• 4:01
  here
• 4:02
  and
• 4:02
  we're
• 4:02
  not
• 4:02
  back
• 4:03
  there.
• 4:03
  We're
• 4:03
  not
• 4:03
  back
• 4:04
  where
• 4:04
  these
• 4:04
  bad
• 4:04
  things
• 4:04
  are
• 4:04
  happening.
• 4:05
  Second,
• 4:06
  take
• 4:06
  three
• 4:07
  long
• 4:08
  inhales,
• 4:10
  three
• 4:11
  in,
• 4:13
  three
• 4:13
  out.
• 4:13
  And
• 4:13
  I
• 4:14
  want
• 4:14
  the
• 4:14
  exhales
• 4:14
  to
• 4:15
  be
• 4:15
  longer
• 4:15
  than
• 4:15
  the
• 4:15
  inhales.
• 4:16
  That
• 4:16
  is
• 4:16
  very
• 4:17
  important.
• 4:17
  I
• 4:17
  like
• 4:18
  to
• 4:18
  do
• 4:18
  add
• 4:18
  something
• 4:18
  to
• 4:19
  that.
• 4:19
  When
• 4:19
  I
• 4:20
  breathe
• 4:20
  in,
• 4:20
  I
• 4:20
  like
• 4:20
  to
• 4:21
  say
• 4:21
  I'm
• 4:21
  breathing
• 4:21
  in
• 4:22
  safety
• 4:22
  and
• 4:23
  a
• 4:23
  sense
• 4:23
  of
• 4:23
  calm.
• 4:24
  And
• 4:24
  I'm
• 4:24
  breathing
• 4:25
  out
• 4:25
  anything
• 4:25
  that
• 4:25
  does
• 4:25
  not
• 4:26
  serve
• 4:26
  me
• 4:26
  at
• 4:26
  this
• 4:27
  moment.
• 4:29
  Third,
• 4:29
  I
• 4:29
  want
• 4:30
  you
• 4:30
  to
• 4:30
  repeat,
• 4:30
  name
• 4:31
  it.
• 4:31
  In
• 4:32
  this
• 4:32
  moment,
• 4:32
  I
• 4:32
  am
• 4:33
  safe
• 4:33
  enough.
• 4:34
  And
• 4:34
  then
• 4:35
  I
• 4:35
  want
• 4:35
  you
• 4:35
  to
• 4:35
  ask
• 4:36
  yourself,
• 4:36
  what's
• 4:37
  one
• 4:37
  true
• 4:38
  thing
• 4:38
  I
• 4:38
  can
• 4:38
  say
• 4:39
  without
• 4:39
  having
• 4:39
  to
• 4:40
  over
• 4:40
  explain.
• 4:42
  What's
• 4:42
  one
• 4:42
  thing
• 4:42
  I
• 4:43
  can
• 4:43
  say?
• 4:43
  Anything.
• 4:44
  Just
• 4:44
  make
• 4:45
  a
• 4:45
  sentence.
• 4:45
  Today
• 4:46
  is
• 4:46
  a
• 4:46
  good
• 4:46
  day.
• 4:47
  I'm
• 4:47
  feeling
• 4:47
  safe
• 4:48
  today.
• 4:48
  I'm
• 4:49
  feeling
• 4:49
  grand
• 4:49
  today.
• 4:49
  Today's
• 4:50
  a
• 4:50
  beautiful
• 4:50
  day.
• 4:51
  Just
• 4:52
  one
• 4:52
  true
• 4:52
  sentence
• 4:53
  about
• 4:53
  your
• 4:54
  here
• 4:54
  and
• 4:54
  now,
• 4:54
  right
• 4:55
  now
• 4:55
  as
• 4:55
  you
• 4:55
  sit.
• 4:57
  So
• 4:58
  just
• 4:58
  a
• 4:59
  Little
• 4:59
  exercise.
• 4:59
  And
• 5:00
  sometimes
• 5:00
  it
• 5:00
  really
• 5:00
  does
• 5:01
  calm
• 5:01
  you
• 5:01
  down.
• 5:01
  Like
• 5:01
  I
• 5:02
  said,
• 5:02
  the
• 5:02
  naming
• 5:02
  the
• 5:02
  five
• 5:03
  things
• 5:03
  or
• 5:03
  the
• 5:03
  focusing
• 5:03
  on
• 5:04
  five
• 5:04
  things
• 5:04
  on
• 5:04
  the
• 5:05
  room,
• 5:05
  it
• 5:05
  brings
• 5:05
  you
• 5:05
  back
• 5:06
  to
• 5:06
  the
• 5:06
  present.
• 5:06
  And
• 5:07
  so
• 5:07
  many
• 5:07
  of
• 5:07
  much
• 5:08
  of
• 5:08
  the
• 5:08
  anxiety
• 5:08
  and
• 5:09
  the
• 5:09
  stress
• 5:09
  that
• 5:09
  we
• 5:09
  feel
• 5:10
  is
• 5:10
  because
• 5:10
  we're
• 5:11
  ruminating,
• 5:11
  we're
• 5:11
  thinking
• 5:12
  about
• 5:12
  what's
• 5:13
  going
• 5:13
  to
• 5:13
  happen
• 5:13
  in
• 5:13
  the
• 5:14
  future
• 5:14
  because
• 5:14
  of
• 5:14
  things
• 5:15
  that
• 5:15
  happen
• 5:15
  in
• 5:15
  the
• 5:15
  past
• 5:16
  when
• 5:16
  we're
• 5:16
  really
• 5:16
  not
• 5:17
  focusing
• 5:17
  on
• 5:17
  the
• 5:17
  present
• 5:18
  at
• 5:18
  all.
• 5:18
  And
• 5:18
  usually
• 5:19
  the
• 5:19
  present
• 5:19
  moment
• 5:19
  is
• 5:20
  not
• 5:20
  that
• 5:20
  scary
• 5:20
  if
• 5:21
  we
• 5:21
  really
• 5:21
  sit
• 5:21
  down
• 5:22
  and
• 5:22
  think
• 5:22
  about
• 5:22
  it.
• 5:23
  So
• 5:24
  again,
• 5:24
  five
• 5:24
  neutral
• 5:25
  objects.
• 5:25
  Deep
• 5:26
  in,
• 5:26
  breath
• 5:26
  in,
• 5:27
  deep
• 5:27
  breath
• 5:27
  out.
• 5:28
  And
• 5:28
  then
• 5:28
  tell
• 5:29
  yourself
• 5:29
  you're
• 5:29
  safe.
• 5:30
  So
• 5:31
  another
• 5:31
  thing
• 5:31
  we
• 5:32
  wanted
• 5:32
  to
• 5:32
  talk
• 5:32
  about,
• 5:32
  so
• 5:33
  that's
• 5:33
  that
• 5:33
  I
• 5:33
  just
• 5:33
  kind
• 5:34
  of,
• 5:34
  like
• 5:34
  I
• 5:34
  said,
• 5:34
  I'm
• 5:34
  just
• 5:34
  kind
• 5:35
  of
• 5:35
  going
• 5:35
  back
• 5:35
  over
• 5:35
  the
• 5:35
  episode.
• 5:36
  I
• 5:36
  like
• 5:36
  to
• 5:36
  point
• 5:36
  out
• 5:37
  some
• 5:37
  pointers
• 5:37
  and
• 5:37
  kind
• 5:38
  of
• 5:38
  wrap
• 5:38
  all
• 5:38
  these
• 5:38
  episodes
• 5:39
  up
• 5:39
  together
• 5:40
  so
• 5:40
  you
• 5:40
  can
• 5:40
  kind
• 5:41
  of
• 5:41
  make
• 5:41
  sense
• 5:41
  of
• 5:41
  it.
• 5:42
  The
• 5:42
  next
• 5:42
  one
• 5:43
  is
• 5:44
  boundaries.
• 5:45
  And
• 5:45
  I
• 5:45
  know
• 5:45
  that
• 5:45
  scares
• 5:46
  you.
• 5:46
  We
• 5:46
  talked
• 5:46
  a
• 5:46
  lot
• 5:46
  about
• 5:47
  boundaries.
• 5:49
  Sometimes
• 5:50
  that
• 5:50
  sentence
• 5:51
  that
• 5:51
  you
• 5:51
  just
• 5:51
  made
• 5:51
  up
• 5:51
  for
• 5:52
  yourself
• 5:52
  is
• 5:53
  the
• 5:53
  boundary
• 5:55
  and
• 5:55
  it
• 5:55
  is
• 5:56
  a
• 5:56
  non
• 5:56
  negotiable
• 5:57
  boundaries.
• 5:57
  I
• 5:58
  want
• 5:58
  to
• 5:58
  say
• 5:58
  this
• 5:58
  very
• 5:59
  clearly.
• 5:59
  Boundaries
• 6:00
  aren't
• 6:00
  just
• 6:01
  communication.
• 6:02
  Boundaries
• 6:02
  are
• 6:02
  a
• 6:03
  nervous
• 6:03
  system
• 6:03
  skill.
• 6:04
  Because
• 6:05
  the
• 6:05
  body
• 6:05
  has
• 6:05
  to
• 6:05
  believe
• 6:06
  it
• 6:06
  can
• 6:06
  survive.
• 6:08
  Has
• 6:08
  to
• 6:08
  believe
• 6:08
  it
• 6:09
  can
• 6:09
  survive
• 6:09
  honesty.
• 6:11
  Like
• 6:11
  I
• 6:11
  said,
• 6:11
  when
• 6:11
  you
• 6:11
  were
• 6:12
  little,
• 6:12
  what
• 6:12
  happened?
• 6:12
  You
• 6:13
  would
• 6:13
  say
• 6:13
  something
• 6:14
  and
• 6:14
  you
• 6:15
  would
• 6:15
  get
• 6:15
  shot
• 6:15
  down
• 6:15
  for
• 6:16
  it.
• 6:16
  Or
• 6:16
  sometimes
• 6:16
  you
• 6:16
  get
• 6:17
  reprimanded,
• 6:17
  or
• 6:17
  sometimes
• 6:18
  you
• 6:18
  get
• 6:18
  scolded.
• 6:18
  But
• 6:19
  a
• 6:19
  lot
• 6:19
  of
• 6:19
  times
• 6:19
  the
• 6:19
  outcome
• 6:20
  just
• 6:20
  wasn't
• 6:20
  what
• 6:20
  you
• 6:21
  were
• 6:21
  looking
• 6:21
  at.
• 6:22
  So
• 6:22
  when
• 6:22
  you
• 6:22
  have
• 6:23
  to
• 6:23
  set
• 6:24
  boundaries
• 6:25
  and
• 6:26
  you
• 6:26
  don't
• 6:26
  quite
• 6:26
  know
• 6:26
  how
• 6:27
  to
• 6:27
  do
• 6:27
  it
• 6:27
  and
• 6:27
  you
• 6:27
  can't
• 6:27
  quite
• 6:28
  find
• 6:28
  the
• 6:28
  words,
• 6:28
  I
• 6:29
  want
• 6:29
  you
• 6:29
  to
• 6:29
  practice
• 6:29
  some
• 6:30
  of
• 6:30
  these
• 6:30
  sayings.
• 6:30
  Here's
• 6:31
  some
• 6:31
  of
• 6:31
  the
• 6:31
  scripts
• 6:31
  you
• 6:31
  can
• 6:32
  use
• 6:32
  and
• 6:32
  you
• 6:32
  can
• 6:32
  borrow
• 6:32
  them
• 6:33
  from
• 6:33
  me
• 6:33
  or
• 6:33
  you
• 6:33
  can
• 6:33
  come
• 6:34
  up
• 6:34
  with
• 6:34
  your
• 6:34
  own.
• 6:35
  If
• 6:35
  someone
• 6:35
  wants
• 6:35
  you
• 6:36
  to
• 6:36
  do
• 6:36
  something
• 6:36
  that
• 6:36
  you
• 6:36
  don't
• 6:37
  want
• 6:37
  to
• 6:37
  do,
• 6:37
  you
• 6:37
  can
• 6:37
  say,
• 6:38
  let
• 6:38
  me
• 6:38
  get
• 6:38
  back
• 6:39
  to
• 6:39
  you.
• 6:40
  You
• 6:40
  can
• 6:40
  say,
• 6:40
  that
• 6:40
  just
• 6:40
  doesn't
• 6:41
  work
• 6:41
  for
• 6:41
  me
• 6:41
  right
• 6:41
  now.
• 6:42
  You
• 6:42
  can
• 6:42
  say,
• 6:43
  I'm
• 6:43
  not
• 6:43
  available
• 6:43
  for
• 6:43
  that.
• 6:44
  You
• 6:44
  can
• 6:44
  say,
• 6:45
  I'm
• 6:45
  not
• 6:45
  discussing
• 6:45
  this
• 6:46
  today.
• 6:46
  Or
• 6:47
  you
• 6:47
  can
• 6:47
  say,
• 6:47
  I
• 6:48
  hear
• 6:48
  you
• 6:48
  and
• 6:48
  my
• 6:49
  answer
• 6:49
  is
• 6:49
  still
• 6:50
  no.
• 6:50
  And
• 6:50
  all
• 6:51
  of
• 6:51
  those
• 6:51
  you
• 6:51
  can
• 6:52
  say
• 6:52
  safely.
• 6:53
  So
• 6:53
  if
• 6:53
  any
• 6:53
  of
• 6:54
  those,
• 6:55
  or
• 6:55
  even
• 6:55
  the
• 6:56
  thought
• 6:56
  of
• 6:56
  saying
• 6:56
  some
• 6:57
  of
• 6:57
  those
• 6:57
  makes
• 6:57
  your
• 6:57
  chest
• 6:58
  tighten,
• 6:59
  it's
• 6:59
  not
• 6:59
  failure,
• 7:00
  it's
• 7:00
  information.
• 7:01
  It's
• 7:01
  telling
• 7:02
  you
• 7:02
  that
• 7:02
  your
• 7:02
  body
• 7:03
  is
• 7:03
  still
• 7:03
  saying
• 7:04
  this
• 7:04
  is
• 7:04
  new
• 7:05
  does
• 7:05
  not
• 7:05
  feel
• 7:06
  safe.
• 7:06
  And
• 7:06
  new
• 7:07
  doesn't
• 7:07
  mean
• 7:07
  wrong.
• 7:08
  It
• 7:08
  just
• 7:08
  means
• 7:08
  your
• 7:09
  system
• 7:09
  needs
• 7:09
  a
• 7:09
  Little
• 7:09
  more
• 7:10
  support.
• 7:11
  So
• 7:12
  practice
• 7:12
  this
• 7:13
  again.
• 7:13
  You
• 7:13
  might
• 7:14
  have
• 7:14
  to
• 7:14
  practice
• 7:14
  it
• 7:15
  when
• 7:15
  you're
• 7:15
  not
• 7:15
  with
• 7:15
  the
• 7:15
  people
• 7:15
  that
• 7:16
  you're
• 7:16
  going
• 7:16
  to
• 7:16
  be
• 7:16
  setting
• 7:16
  the
• 7:16
  boundaries
• 7:17
  with
• 7:17
  because
• 7:17
  then
• 7:17
  it
• 7:18
  will
• 7:18
  become
• 7:18
  kind
• 7:18
  of
• 7:18
  like
• 7:18
  muscle
• 7:19
  memory.
• 7:19
  And
• 7:20
  pick
• 7:20
  one.
• 7:20
  You
• 7:20
  don't
• 7:21
  have
• 7:21
  to
• 7:21
  do
• 7:21
  all
• 7:21
  of
• 7:21
  them.
• 7:22
  I
• 7:23
  dislike
• 7:23
  the
• 7:23
  one
• 7:23
  that
• 7:23
  says,
• 7:24
  this
• 7:24
  doesn't
• 7:24
  work
• 7:24
  for
• 7:24
  me.
• 7:25
  Not
• 7:26
  happening,
• 7:26
  not
• 7:27
  today.
• 7:27
  Or
• 7:28
  I
• 7:28
  hear
• 7:28
  you
• 7:28
  and
• 7:28
  my
• 7:28
  answer
• 7:29
  is
• 7:29
  still
• 7:29
  no.
• 7:29
  Those
• 7:30
  are
• 7:30
  simple
• 7:30
  things
• 7:31
  and
• 7:31
  you're
• 7:32
  asserting
• 7:32
  yourself,
• 7:33
  but
• 7:33
  you're
• 7:34
  also,
• 7:34
  as
• 7:34
  soon
• 7:34
  as
• 7:34
  you
• 7:35
  say
• 7:35
  it,
• 7:35
  you're
• 7:35
  going
• 7:35
  to,
• 7:36
  hopefully,
• 7:37
  God
• 7:37
  willing,
• 7:38
  you're
• 7:38
  going
• 7:38
  to
• 7:39
  get
• 7:39
  an
• 7:40
  experience
• 7:40
  back
• 7:41
  that
• 7:41
  makes
• 7:41
  you
• 7:41
  feel
• 7:41
  a
• 7:42
  little
• 7:42
  safer.
• 7:42
  Because
• 7:43
  usually
• 7:43
  when
• 7:43
  you
• 7:43
  set
• 7:43
  a
• 7:44
  boundary,
• 7:44
  it's.
• 7:45
  Unless
• 7:45
  it's
• 7:46
  something
• 7:46
  severe,
• 7:47
  it
• 7:47
  is
• 7:47
  usually
• 7:48
  met
• 7:48
  with
• 7:49
  compassion.
• 7:50
  If
• 7:50
  you
• 7:50
  have
• 7:51
  friends
• 7:51
  and
• 7:51
  you're
• 7:51
  so
• 7:52
  used
• 7:52
  to
• 7:52
  going
• 7:52
  out
• 7:52
  for
• 7:53
  what
• 7:53
  they
• 7:53
  want
• 7:53
  to
• 7:53
  eat
• 7:54
  and
• 7:54
  all
• 7:54
  of
• 7:54
  a
• 7:54
  sudden
• 7:54
  they
• 7:54
  say,
• 7:55
  let's
• 7:56
  go
• 7:56
  get
• 7:56
  Chinese.
• 7:56
  And
• 7:56
  you
• 7:57
  say,
• 7:57
  well,
• 7:57
  that
• 7:57
  doesn't
• 7:57
  work
• 7:57
  for
• 7:58
  me,
• 7:58
  let's
• 7:58
  go
• 7:59
  get
• 7:59
  subscribers.
• 8:00
  There's
• 8:01
  a
• 8:01
  good
• 8:01
  chance
• 8:01
  they're
• 8:01
  going
• 8:02
  to
• 8:02
  say,
• 8:02
  okay,
• 8:03
  let's
• 8:03
  do
• 8:03
  it.
• 8:04
  And
• 8:04
  you've
• 8:04
  just
• 8:05
  set
• 8:05
  a
• 8:05
  boundary.
• 8:05
  You've
• 8:05
  told
• 8:06
  them
• 8:06
  what
• 8:06
  you
• 8:06
  wanted,
• 8:06
  you
• 8:06
  expressed
• 8:07
  your
• 8:07
  feelings
• 8:08
  without
• 8:08
  any
• 8:10
  safety
• 8:10
  concerns.
• 8:11
  Now
• 8:11
  if
• 8:11
  they
• 8:12
  say
• 8:12
  no,
• 8:12
  what's
• 8:13
  the
• 8:13
  worst
• 8:13
  thing
• 8:13
  that
• 8:13
  happens?
• 8:14
  You
• 8:14
  end
• 8:14
  up
• 8:14
  getting
• 8:14
  Chinese
• 8:15
  food.
• 8:15
  It's
• 8:16
  not
• 8:16
  the
• 8:16
  end
• 8:16
  of
• 8:16
  the
• 8:16
  world.
• 8:17
  So
• 8:17
  if
• 8:17
  any
• 8:18
  of
• 8:18
  this
• 8:18
  makes
• 8:18
  sense,
• 8:19
  if
• 8:19
  it's
• 8:19
  hitting
• 8:19
  home,
• 8:21
  if
• 8:21
  you're
• 8:21
  someone
• 8:21
  who's
• 8:22
  done
• 8:22
  the
• 8:22
  awareness
• 8:23
  work
• 8:23
  and
• 8:23
  you
• 8:23
  know
• 8:24
  that
• 8:24
  you're
• 8:24
  aware
• 8:24
  and
• 8:24
  you
• 8:25
  know
• 8:25
  you're
• 8:25
  still
• 8:26
  having
• 8:26
  these
• 8:26
  patterns
• 8:27
  because
• 8:27
  your
• 8:27
  body
• 8:27
  is
• 8:28
  still
• 8:28
  living
• 8:28
  in
• 8:28
  survival,
• 8:29
  that's
• 8:29
  exactly
• 8:30
  where
• 8:30
  I
• 8:30
  support
• 8:31
  people.
• 8:31
  I
• 8:32
  use
• 8:32
  a
• 8:32
  very
• 8:32
  trauma
• 8:33
  informed
• 8:33
  approach
• 8:33
  that
• 8:34
  blends
• 8:34
  nervous
• 8:34
  system
• 8:35
  tools,
• 8:36
  NLP
• 8:37
  and
• 8:37
  body
• 8:37
  mind,
• 8:38
  spirit
• 8:38
  alignment
• 8:38
  so
• 8:39
  that
• 8:39
  you
• 8:39
  can
• 8:39
  move
• 8:40
  from
• 8:40
  coping
• 8:40
  to
• 8:41
  truly
• 8:41
  living.
• 8:42
  If
• 8:42
  you
• 8:42
  want
• 8:43
  to
• 8:43
  start
• 8:43
  gently,
• 8:43
  I
• 8:43
  also
• 8:44
  offer
• 8:44
  a
• 8:44
  very
• 8:45
  fun
• 8:45
  tool.
• 8:46
  It's
• 8:46
  a
• 8:46
  complimentary
• 8:47
  biofrequency
• 8:48
  voice
• 8:48
  scan.
• 8:48
  And
• 8:49
  what
• 8:49
  that
• 8:49
  does
• 8:49
  is
• 8:49
  it
• 8:49
  reflects
• 8:50
  stress
• 8:50
  patterns
• 8:51
  and
• 8:51
  energetic
• 8:52
  loads.
• 8:52
  And
• 8:53
  from
• 8:53
  there
• 8:54
  we
• 8:54
  can
• 8:54
  build
• 8:54
  simple,
• 8:55
  realistic
• 8:55
  plans
• 8:56
  to
• 8:56
  help
• 8:56
  your
• 8:56
  system
• 8:56
  feel
• 8:57
  safer.
• 8:57
  Because
• 8:57
  at
• 8:58
  the
• 8:58
  end
• 8:58
  of
• 8:58
  the
• 8:58
  day,
• 8:59
  you
• 8:59
  need
• 9:00
  to
• 9:00
  be
• 9:00
  safe.
• 9:00
  You
• 9:00
  need
• 9:01
  to
• 9:01
  feel
• 9:01
  safe
• 9:01
  in
• 9:02
  your
• 9:02
  own
• 9:02
  mind.
• 9:03
  And
• 9:03
  sometimes
• 9:03
  those
• 9:04
  mantras,
• 9:04
  those
• 9:05
  affirmations,
• 9:05
  those
• 9:06
  just
• 9:06
  telling
• 9:06
  yourself
• 9:06
  you're
• 9:07
  safe
• 9:07
  isn't
• 9:08
  enough.
• 9:08
  So
• 9:09
  let's
• 9:09
  work
• 9:09
  together
• 9:09
  to
• 9:09
  see
• 9:10
  if
• 9:10
  we
• 9:10
  can
• 9:10
  really
• 9:10
  make
• 9:10
  our
• 9:11
  bodies
• 9:11
  feel
• 9:11
  safe.
• 9:13
  You
• 9:13
  don't
• 9:14
  have
• 9:14
  to
• 9:14
  become
• 9:14
  a
• 9:14
  new
• 9:15
  person.
• 9:15
  You
• 9:15
  need
• 9:16
  to
• 9:16
  come
• 9:16
  back
• 9:16
  to
• 9:16
  who
• 9:17
  you
• 9:17
  were
• 9:17
  before
• 9:18
  you
• 9:18
  learned
• 9:18
  you
• 9:18
  had
• 9:19
  to
• 9:19
  earn
• 9:19
  love,
• 9:20
  earn
• 9:20
  belonging
• 9:21
  and
• 9:21
  earn
• 9:21
  safety.
• 9:22
  These
• 9:22
  are
• 9:22
  things
• 9:23
  that
• 9:24
  should
• 9:24
  have
• 9:24
  been
• 9:24
  given
• 9:24
  to
• 9:25
  you,
• 9:25
  but
• 9:25
  they
• 9:26
  weren't.
• 9:26
  So
• 9:26
  you
• 9:27
  spent
• 9:27
  your
• 9:27
  whole
• 9:27
  life
• 9:28
  thinking
• 9:28
  you
• 9:28
  had
• 9:28
  to
• 9:28
  perform
• 9:29
  or
• 9:30
  outperform
• 9:30
  or
• 9:31
  be
• 9:31
  perfect
• 9:31
  or
• 9:31
  be
• 9:32
  quiet
• 9:32
  or
• 9:32
  be
• 9:32
  what
• 9:32
  everybody
• 9:33
  else
• 9:33
  wanted
• 9:34
  you
• 9:34
  to
• 9:34
  be
• 9:34
  so
• 9:35
  that
• 9:35
  you
• 9:35
  were
• 9:35
  safe.
• 9:36
  That's
• 9:37
  not
• 9:37
  the
• 9:37
  case.
• 9:38
  So
• 9:38
  what
• 9:38
  I'm
• 9:39
  here
• 9:39
  to
• 9:39
  do
• 9:39
  is
• 9:39
  walk
• 9:39
  with
• 9:39
  you
• 9:40
  and
• 9:40
  help
• 9:40
  you
• 9:40
  realize
• 9:41
  that
• 9:41
  that
• 9:41
  is
• 9:41
  just
• 9:41
  not
• 9:42
  the
• 9:42
  case.
• 9:43
  You
• 9:43
  are
• 9:43
  so
• 9:43
  much
• 9:44
  more
• 9:44
  than
• 9:44
  you've
• 9:44
  been
• 9:44
  led
• 9:45
  to
• 9:45
  believe.
• 9:47
  You
• 9:47
  have
• 9:48
  no
• 9:48
  idea.
• 9:49
  You
• 9:49
  have
• 9:49
  absolutely
• 9:50
  no
• 9:50
  idea.
• 9:51
  So
• 9:51
  reach
• 9:52
  out,
• 9:52
  please.
• 9:52
  I
• 9:53
  encourage
• 9:53
  you.
• 9:53
  Drop,
• 9:53
  go
• 9:54
  in
• 9:54
  the
• 9:54
  show
• 9:54
  notes,
• 9:55
  get
• 9:55
  the
• 9:55
  free
• 9:56
  biofrequency
• 9:56
  scan.
• 9:57
  It's
• 9:57
  super
• 9:57
  fun
• 9:58
  to
• 9:58
  do.
• 9:58
  We'll
• 9:58
  have
• 9:58
  a
• 9:58
  lot
• 9:59
  of
• 9:59
  fun.
• 10:00
  It'll
• 10:00
  just
• 10:00
  show
• 10:01
  you
• 10:01
  some
• 10:01
  patterns,
• 10:01
  some
• 10:02
  energetic
• 10:02
  patterns,
• 10:03
  and
• 10:03
  you
• 10:03
  can
• 10:03
  explore
• 10:04
  yourself.
• 10:04
  It
• 10:05
  also
• 10:05
  sends
• 10:05
  back
• 10:05
  balancing
• 10:06
  harmonics,
• 10:07
  and
• 10:07
  sometimes
• 10:08
  that
• 10:08
  music
• 10:09
  in
• 10:09
  itself
• 10:09
  is
• 10:10
  enough
• 10:10
  to
• 10:10
  put
• 10:10
  you
• 10:11
  in
• 10:11
  a
• 10:11
  safe
• 10:11
  space.
• 10:12
  So,
• 10:12
  again,
• 10:13
  I
• 10:13
  just
• 10:13
  wanted
• 10:13
  to
• 10:13
  follow
• 10:14
  up
• 10:14
  with
• 10:14
  the
• 10:14
  interview
• 10:15
  from
• 10:15
  Kimberly.
• 10:15
  I
• 10:16
  just
• 10:16
  wanted
• 10:16
  to
• 10:16
  kind
• 10:16
  of,
• 10:18
  you
• 10:18
  know,
• 10:19
  give
• 10:19
  a
• 10:19
  couple
• 10:19
  extra
• 10:20
  little
• 10:20
  tips
• 10:20
  and
• 10:20
  tricks
• 10:21
  here,
• 10:21
  because
• 10:23
  we're
• 10:23
  all
• 10:23
  in
• 10:23
  this
• 10:24
  together.
• 10:24
  We're
• 10:24
  all
• 10:25
  in
• 10:25
  this
• 10:25
  trying
• 10:25
  to
• 10:25
  feel
• 10:26
  better
• 10:26
  after
• 10:26
  a
• 10:27
  lifetime
• 10:27
  of
• 10:27
  chaos.
• 10:28
  And
• 10:29
  the
• 10:29
  more
• 10:29
  tips,
• 10:30
  tricks,
• 10:30
  and
• 10:31
  tangible
• 10:31
  strategies
• 10:32
  we
• 10:32
  can
• 10:33
  get,
• 10:33
  the
• 10:33
  better.
• 10:34
  So
• 10:34
  thanks
• 10:34
  a
• 10:34
  lot,
• 10:35
  and
• 10:35
  I
• 10:35
  hope
• 10:35
  to
• 10:35
  see
• 10:35
  you
• 10:35
  all
• 10:36
  soon.
• 10:36
  Have
• 10:36
  a
• 10:36
  good
• 10:36
  day.