Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 79. So we are dating …. BUT not together? CONFUSED is an understatement🥴

Transcript

79. So we are dating …. BUT not together? CONFUSED is an understatement🥴 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apologie production. I need your advice. Are you okay? What happened?
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Bring it in.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Welcome to our bestie segment. Girl my girl, this is
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: the place for you.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to a besting advice segment with Ashley and Tiana.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: This week's submission it's a little bit confusing, it's a
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: little bit I'm not sure about this, so we're going
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: to give out raw, honest advice as we would as
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: best friends. You bought it in. Thank you for your
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: anonymous submission. We have no idea who you are. And
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: if you're listening and you want our advice, we've got
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: a link in the discription box below. Bring it in
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: as much context as possible. But let's get into today's episode.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Take it away, Let's get into it. Hey, girls, I
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: really need some advice. I've been seeing this guy for
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: about seven months and he's amazing. I love being around him,
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: and his family treats me as a part of the family,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: and everything is good except for the fact that he
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: doesn't consider us to be in a relationship. Now.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: I've had a lot of conversations with him about what
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: we are and where we are going, and he keeps
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: saying that we are unofficially dating, which I was very
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: understanding about. However, I have also told him that I
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: see us as being in a relationship and he keeps
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: saying that he does too, but he's not ready for it,
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: which again I understand and I don't want to push it.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: But I'm just really struggling as if I don't feel
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: like I'm getting the reassurance from him that he actually
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: wants to be with me. But I know that he does,
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: as I have been super sick the past few months
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: and have been in and out of hospital. I'm doing
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: okay now, but he has always been there, no questions asked.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: I guess I'm just lost on what to do, as
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: I know he cares about me and he talks about
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: all these plans he wants to do with me, but
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: he doesn't want us to be in a relationship at
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: the moment, which is really hard as everyone thinks that
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: we are in a relationship and I almost feel like
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: I'm lying because I'm not telling them that we aren't
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: in his mind. Also, on top of that, I've been
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: recently diagnosed with endometriosis, which has taken its toll on
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: me and I've really needed him to be there for
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: me and.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: To listen to me.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: But most of the time his way of making me
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: feel better is talking about his dirt bike when that's
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: not what I need, or he just tells me I
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: worry too much and it will be fine, when a
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: lot of the times that's not what I want to hear.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: I just want to feel like I can express my
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: emotions to him.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: I'm just starting to wonder whether I am waiting for
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: something to happen that won't happen, or if I'm just
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: wanting too much. He's twenty one. I'm also twenty one.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: I also have an anxious attachment style, which is probably
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: playing a massive part in all of this. Any good
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: advice would be good.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Aw Oh, okay, that's that. What do you mean? You're
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: not ready? Either you want to be in a relationship
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: or you don't. And if you're in the in between,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I think he needs to say to you the reason why.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Like I'm not saying he's cheating or sleeping around, but
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: if he's wanting to unofficially be with you, is that
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: to keep other doors open? Like why if you're spending
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: all this time and investing all this time into each other.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: What is his reason to not put a label on it?
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: I think the interesting thing about being in this like
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: weird limbo area is that it does create a lot
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: of confusion because someone's words and actions are incongruent and
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: like his actions are one way and then his behavior
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: is the complete opposite, which is why you're feeling so confused.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: And yes, the anxious attachment can be a huge role
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: in it, but also it's actually his behavior is creating
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: that as well. Like who things can exist, You can
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: be anxious and his behavior can be creating more anxiousness
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: for you, definitely, So I think the biggest thing to
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: note in this is if he's not willing to put
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: a label on it, babe, Like he's telling you what
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: he wants, him saying that he's not ready for a relationship.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: Baby, you got to.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Listen telling you black and white, he is saying I'm
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: not ready for this. And again, I know it's so
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: confusing because his behavior says otherwise, and you want to
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: pay attention to his behavior because it's what your heart wants,
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: but you've got to listen to.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: His words too. I've been saved since I was nineteen,
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: so like, I can't talk. But you're both so young,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: so got so much life to live, and I just
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: would hate for you to spend the next five years
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: of your life in this limbo questioning or if he
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: does go and sleep with someone else, or hook up
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: with someone else, or not share something with you, And
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: then if you'd be like, why didn't you like we're together?
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: And he's like, well, I've told you we're not officially dating.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: That's right. What part of that did you not understand?
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: That's right? You know he is being quite open and honest.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: I respect him for that, but yes, he will keep
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: right in this way.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Why should you allow it as if he wouldn't, why
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: would he not getting the girlfriend experience here? Yeah, cuddles.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: You're probably cooking for him, I don't know, do a
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: lot of other things for it. I've done a lot
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: of other things. If you were going to say it, yeah,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: I was.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: You were thinking it, yes, But this is where you
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: and I know you're really young, baby, This is a
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: really beautiful opportunity for you to practice self worth and
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: to practice what you actually want from a relationshipre you're
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: willing to accept that's right, because what you allow will persist,
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: and what you don't stand for will actually stop those
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: behaviors from coming in. So say, if he's creating confusion
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: in your mind now and this is not actually what
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: you want, you don't want the confusion and you don't
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: want to stand for that, it's time that you put
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: your foot down and go, Hey, I'm actually not allowing
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: this behavior anymore. This doesn't feel good for me. Yeah,
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: like this wishy washy in between like uncertainty, Absolutely fucking not.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: I think you would really respect you too to say that.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: He'd be like, oh gosh, she's the one who knows
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: what she wants. That's right. It's like step up to
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: the plate mate. If you're not ready to be here
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: and fully be here with me, then I'm going to
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: find someone that will. Yeah, and you probably set him free,
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: or he'll step up to the plate and you get
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: to give him that choice.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: He's also young as well, right, he doesn't sound like
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: he's willing enough to be super honest with you about
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: being like, hey, I'm going to cut this off. He
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: wants to ride the wave, unfortunately, and not saying that
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: he's using you or anything. I'm sure you guys have
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: a great time together and there's connection and all that
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: hair I love, But he doesn't sound like he's taking
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: you seriously in the way that I believe that you
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: would deserve.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: And what you're desiring and what you're desiring. Yeah, you're
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: not on the same page. So I think you need to, Yeah,
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: practice yourself worth. Know that you deserve more, and there
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: is someone out there that would be willing and wanting
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: to give that to you so naturally.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: And here's the thing as well, if you are wanting
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: to call in a new level or a quotation's new
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: caliber relationship, you have to be willing to stop entertaining
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: the old stuff first before the new stuff will come in, right,
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: Because you can't entertain someone who's wishy washy about you
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: but then be like, I want the high caliberman who
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: chooses me. It just doesn't work like that, because the
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: universe or whoever that you believe in is going to
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: require you to believe in yourself first and foremost and go,
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: I choose me first. Yeah, Because this situation, this situation
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: right now.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Is screaming to you.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: Do you choose him or do you choose yourself? Yeah?
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: And this is the work for you.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we'd love an update.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: Don't stress you're so young. There are eight billion people
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: in the world. There will be men who will want
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: to worship the ground that you walk on and a
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: crust me. They are out there, and they.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: The boys from your hometown.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: That's right, and they'll be honest, open, clear about what
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: they want and you won't feel confused.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you deserve better, you really do. We'd love an update.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: But take care of yourself and choose yourself. Don't abandon yourself.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Nothing changes if nothing changes.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: Stand on, business girl, fucking own it. You are worthy
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: of good quality relationships, and you are worthy of people
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: treating you well.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: And choosing you one hundred percent. Yes, twenty five percent
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: when it suits him. That's right. You know. Dirt bike thing? Yeah,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: the dorbe.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: I think I want to hear about your fucking dirt bike.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: Read a roommate. I don't talk about your dirt bikes
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: right now. I'm hurting. I'm in pain. I've got end over,
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: you know. Take care of me, take care of me,
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: love on me, be gentle with me. What do you
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: say to me? Love me, never leave me. But yeah,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: stand on business girl.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: This is you giving yourself an opportunity to choose yourself
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: one hundred percent, and trust me, you will feel so
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: much better on the other side.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: I agree. Give us an update, we'd love to hear it.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: We'll see you tomorrow. Take care bye,