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When What If Starts Feeling Like It Will · The Everyday Reset

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Supervisor catches you near the end of the day and says, Can we talk tomorrow?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: You say, sure.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Then you go home.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're making dinner, but you're thinking about that meeting.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody's telling you about their day and you're trying to listen.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: But part of you is already sitting across from your supervisor.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Did I miss something?
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Was it that email?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Have they been unhappy with me?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: By bedtime, you've gone from what's the meeting about?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: To how can I pay my bills if I lose this job?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're rehearsing what you'll say, what you'll tell your family, whether you should have seen this coming.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: You start preparing for a conversation nobody has actually had with you yet.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Everyday Reset.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Solomon Richburg.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a licensed therapist.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're talking about when what if starts feeling like it will, and how to come back to the evening you're actually having.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: A quick reminder: this podcast is education, not a substitute for therapy or care specific to you.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: What hits me about that dinner scene is how ordinary it looks.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: The food's on the table, you're answering questions.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe somebody asked you to pass something, and you do, but you've barely tasted your food.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're trying to figure out how to protect a life that a few hours ago you were just living.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And when you have bills to pay and people counting on you, the advice to just stop worrying can sound almost insulting.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Of course you care.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: A job matters, stability matters.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: So you tell yourself, let me think this through.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: You play the last staff meeting.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: You remember your supervisor seemed distracted on Tuesday.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: You wonder whether that means something.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty soon, even putting your fork down feels less urgent than figuring this out.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Here's where I want us to pause.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: You start with a question.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: What's this meaning about?
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Somewhere along the way, you begin answering a different one.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: What am I going to do when I lose my job?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: That change can happen so quietly you don't notice it.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: You're still sitting at dinner, but now you're playing around an outcome that hasn't been confirmed.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And the more serious that outcome feels, the harder it can be to leave it alone.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to tell you that the meaning will be fine.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: I can't predict the future.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: What I do know is for you to have a way to respond before this takes the rest of your night.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: So let's stay right there at the table.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: The thought comes up again.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to get fired.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Try adding a few words.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm having the prediction that I'm going to get fired.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: It may feel awkward at first.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: You might think, okay, Solomon, I said it.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still worried.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's understandable.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: We haven't learned anything new about the meaning.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: We just put the thought back in the right category.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: A prediction.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Something your mind thinks could happen.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Rather than something you know has happened.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: From there, asked, What do I actually know?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know your supervisor asked to talk tomorrow.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you also know you miss a deadline, or that there has been layoffs.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Those facts belong here too.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to leave out uncomfortable information to do this well.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Then ask, what don't I know yet?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: You may not know why this meeting was called, what your supervisor will say, or what decisions have been made.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's where you leave some space.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to fill it with everything's fine.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: You also don't have to fill it with the worst possible answer.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now you can ask a more useful question.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: With what I know, what's one thing I can do?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you miss a deadline, you can write down where the work stands and a realistic plan for finishing.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: If there's no specific issue you know about, you might make a note of what you want to ask tomorrow.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Either way, give the preparation an endpoint.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: You make the note, you put it where you'll find it, then you come back to dinner.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, your mind may object.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: But what if they say this?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: What if that plant isn't good enough?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Before you pick up the phone again, ask yourself whether there's new information to work with, or whether you're trying to get certain enough to finally relax.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: That second assignment can keep you busy all night.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: You might ask your partner what they think.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Their answer helps for a minute, then you need them to say it a little more convincingly.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or you refresh your email even though nothing has changed.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: When you notice that loop, you can leave the question open and return to what's in front of you.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to feel completely settled first.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Let's try the whole reset once.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Keep your eyes open.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you're driving, stay focused on the road and save this for later.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Bring to mind one ordinary worry about tomorrow.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm having the prediction that What do I know and what's still uncertain?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: What's one useful action I can take now?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: If nothing needs doing tonight, you can let that be your answer.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Later, when you're getting ready for bed, the meeting is still on the calendar.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: You might still feel uneasy.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: But you've done the preparation that makes sense with the information you have.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: If the prediction returns, you can recognize it without running through the exercise again and again until you feel reassured.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow, you can listen, ask questions, and respond to what you actually learn.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Tonight, you can finish your evening.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's the thing I want you to practice here.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Something small enough to remember when you're in the middle of a real day.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's also part of what I want to bring to my work as the creator of CBC Calm cards, but today's reset is yours to use with or without the cards.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody came to mind while you were listening, share this episode with them and follow the everyday reset so we can keep practicing together.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to finish tomorrow tonight.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Solomon Richburg, and this is the Everyday Reset.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: One situation, one skill, one step.