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Breaking Out and Recovering from Enmeshment Trauma. · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, when you've chosen to tune in here, I just want to say thank you.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: And today's topic is about enmeshment trauma and how you can spot the warning signs.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever had difficulty making decisions independently?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you struggle to sometimes identify your own preferences or your own beliefs or values?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Do you sometimes find it difficult to separate them from what you've learned in your family of origin?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you're finding yourself seeking approval or guidance from your family members, even when making minor choices?
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  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you feel overly responsible for the emotions and the well-being of your family members.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: If any of this resonates with you, it could potentially, I'm not saying it is, but it could potentially be related to enmeshment trauma.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: So what do we mean by enmeshment trauma?
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  SPEAKER_00: That enmeshment trauma results from blurred or non-existent emotional boundaries with others.
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  SPEAKER_00: So that can be with family members or other individuals that are close in our lives, and that leads to an over-identification of the family members' needs, beliefs, and emotions.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: What do I mean by over-identification?
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  SPEAKER_00: It means that you start taking on those family members' needs, beliefs, and emotions.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it can lead to various issues in your own personal development, in your own relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: So if that's happening early in life, this can absolutely have an effect later in life as well.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it can be challenging to separate yourself and become independent outside of those primary relationships if your boundaries are not clearly defined.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: So if your family of origin lacks distinct responsibilities, for instance, it could lead to difficulties forming and maintaining healthy relationships even outside of that family of origin.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Enmeshment trauma stems from these family dynamics in which emotional boundaries between family members are either unclear or they're broken or not respected.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: So in these family relationships where the dynamics may significantly so in this in this realm, these family dynamics and these relationships will significantly impact one's personalities, beliefs, and values, as well as your habits and your ability to handle things from an emotionally resilient place.
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  SPEAKER_00: Because if they're not developed or are not addressed early on, as you are developing safe bonds, it can also lead to unhealthy boundaries within the family and it can impact also your attachment style and how you relate to other people, but it also can have an effect on your own autonomy and your own agency moving forward, which can not only affect the family relationship, but it definitely has a significant effect on other relationships as you uh go into adulthood.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so with families with this type of trauma, most of the time one or more members of the family uh make excessive emotional demands or impose excessive control, which causes the boundaries between their needs and those of, for instance, the children to become blurry.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And those unspoken rules influence how family members behave.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And what ends up happening is the person on the receiving end puts aside their needs and desires.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so this might lead to dependency and lead to this idea of enmeshment uh within the family unit.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: When we're talking about enmeshment trauma, um it's it's important to also touch on the concept of codependency because they're very similar in their relational dynamics.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: However, with enmeshment trauma, we're referring back to the lack of clear personal boundaries within that family unit versus codependency is a broader pattern in relationships where a person excessively relies on others to satisfy their needs or to provide validation.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: So the lack of clear emotional boundaries results in a person's identity or needs and emotions being excessively intertwined with the family members rather than with codependency, or on the other hand, with codependency, what often occurs in either romantic relationships or peer relationships is where the individual is actually just relying on the other person to help define their self-worth and identity.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Both patterns, of course, though, share that unhealthy relational attachment.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and in both situations, you know, it it leads to emotional distress.
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  SPEAKER_00: Like, for instance, the difficulty in setting boundaries or being overwhelmed by someone else's emotions and feeling responsible for their feelings, always feeling anxious and guilty, or feeling as if you're betraying that family member if you set those boundaries.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: You have difficulty being independent and autonomous, or maybe you avoid close relationships outside of the family because you actually fear your family's approval, uh, or you're also fearful of just replicating those dynamics.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're thinking about enmeshment, where you know these dynamics are really important, uh, they play a crucial role.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And they because what happens is when these um these dynamics and when we're too close and too entwined with that connection without those boundaries, that's when the the um trauma starts to happen.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if we have unresolved trauma issues, that's when we can struggle later in life to establish and maintain personal boundaries in other relationships that we have and other dynamics later on in life, which results in a lack of independence, a lack of agency, an overwhelming sense of responsibility for other people.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: So some of the major red flags for enmeshment trauma include that excessive emotional involvement and dependence.
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  SPEAKER_00: So you may struggle to build or express your own identity apart from the other individuals in your family.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, you might find it difficult to establish your personal boundaries, meaning roles and rules in your family might be blurred and unclear.
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  SPEAKER_00: Also, you might notice an intense fear of abandonment or rejection.
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  SPEAKER_00: You may experience this deep-seated fear of abandonment and rejection if you try to establish boundaries.
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  SPEAKER_00: That can be a red flag for enmeshment trauma.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then also over-identification with the with another person's struggles.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're finding yourself absorbing and reflecting on another family member's emotional states, that could be an indication that there might be some enmeshment trauma as well.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, what do we do about this and how do we how do we start working through it?
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  SPEAKER_00: One of the things that's really important is to seek help, you know, talking about it and working through it and understanding it can be really helpful.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, coaching absolutely can be a way to work through it.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it's important to have a safe space to do that because it really what we're trying to do is not just talk about it, but start taking steps to develop your own healthy boundaries, develop the understanding of what it is that you need, be able to understand who you are separate from other people within your family unit as well as within your social circle, and then start building um strategies to build that independence and that agency.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: So working through self-reflection and awareness and developing communication skills and pursuing the things that bring you joy are all gonna be parts of that healing process and working through the Ameshment trauma.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really important to remember that in going through something like this, engaging in self-care and nurturing yourself and finding ways to really fill your own spirit and being up is gonna be really important because that's when we prioritize your own well-being, that's what's gonna work towards building a stronger sense of self, a deeper sense of self-acceptance, and that's gonna help you not only work through the past trauma, but also really work towards becoming that self-leader that you want to be.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to talk about this or anything else or understand how coaching could help move you forward in other areas of your life, by all means, feel free to reach out to me at any time at coachwithcomedy.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.