Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / Bonus Episode - The Old Way

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Bonus Episode - The Old Way · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

• 0:00
  Oh god. Oh my god.
• 0:02
  Fuuuuck!
• 0:12
  It's the normal casual conversation that we always have, but
• 0:16
  like it'd be weird if we actually just started with
• 0:19
  Welcome to Cage Match.
• 0:20
  Hello and welcome to Cage Match. A roundabout way of meeting Nicolas Cage, where we take
• 0:24
  64 Nicolas Cage movies, pick them up head to head and decide the best, cagiest, most watchable
• 0:30
  cage movie of all time.
• 0:31
  Yeah, we can't just start with that.
• 0:34
  I'm Nick.
• 0:35
  This is weird. I don't like it.
• 0:37
  Yeah, see? Exactly. That's what I'm saying.
• 0:39
  Yeah, it felt wrong.
• 0:42
  Oh well, whatever. This is Cage Match. Welcome back. I'm Nick.
• 0:46
  I'm Sean.
• 0:48
  And I am producer Peter. This is a bonus episode.
• 0:51
  You're welcome.
• 0:52
  So this is just going to go out on the off week. Oh, we're going to put this. No, you have to put
• 0:56
  this one on second. You literally just said at the end of the last episode.
• 1:00
  We're going to do a bonus episode.
• 1:01
  Fuck. Fine.
• 1:03
  You did this to yourself, Peter.
• 1:04
  Yeah, I mean, I can change the editing.
• 1:07
  We have the power.
• 1:08
  I can just leave that part out.
• 1:10
  That'd be wild. Peter editing himself out.
• 1:12
  Ooh, yeah. I always put myself in more.
• 1:15
  Yeah, you're just at home recording like on your phone.
• 1:19
  Oh man.
• 1:20
  It's weird when he records him when he records our jokes and then dubs himself in telling our jokes.
• 1:25
  I do it better. I have better delivery.
• 1:27
  This is a bonus episode. Nick and I this last week had watched the old way,
• 1:33
  Nicholas Cage's newest film in his first Western.
• 1:37
  We've watched it twice. I enjoyed it a lot more the second time when I wasn't.
• 1:41
  Oh, yeah, he had a lot of sandwiches. Nick, why don't you break this one down for us real quick?
• 1:47
  It's like Shane, if the kid were cooler.
• 1:50
  All right. There you have it.
• 1:51
  I think that's actually pretty succinct.
• 1:53
  What if someone hasn't seen Shane?
• 1:55
  Go see Shane for context and everything I'm about to say about this movie.
• 1:59
  We'll be back in 90 minutes.
• 2:00
  Yeah.
• 2:01
  So why don't you give them a slightly less succinct overview of what this movie's about.
• 2:06
  So Nicholas Cage plays Colton Briggs, who is like a head hunter or like a bounty hunter in
• 2:16
  old Western times, specifically. Was it Wyoming?
• 2:20
  Yeah.
• 2:20
  Yeah. So he's like the baddest gun out there.
• 2:24
  The movie starts off with his killer mustache. Like this thing looks so good.
• 2:29
  I like how they try and de-age Nick Cage by giving him this big bushy mustache to cover his face.
• 2:35
  That only makes him look older.
• 2:37
  Yeah. It's only there to like hide those really deep nasal labial folds of his.
• 2:44
  Good use of the lingo.
• 2:45
  Yeah.
• 2:45
  But all it does is point directly to his turquoise.
• 2:47
  Always say nasal labial folds if I'm going to refer to that area,
• 2:51
  because it's just the nasal labial folds.
• 2:55
  It sounds like labia.
• 2:56
  Yeah. It's hilarious.
• 3:00
  Genitals. Hey, man, I'm an equal opportunity genital conversationalist.
• 3:05
  So yes, Nick Cage is the baddest bounty hunter in the old west.
• 3:09
  Yeah. So he and his mustache bring in this guy who's going to get hung. So Sean and I normally
• 3:16
  don't watch these movies together, but I got to like pepper him with commentary while watching it.
• 3:21
  And vice versa.
• 3:22
  Yeah. Although you didn't talk too much. You were real full.
• 3:28
  So when they go to hang this dude, the intent was to hang him from the mercantile sign off
• 3:33
  of this shop. And it's just a sign that's like cantilevered out. It's like a two by six.
• 3:38
  It's like that is not how you hang a dude. Wild Westerners.
• 3:42
  But they go ahead and they like, you know, hang him. And then the guy series of events dies.
• 3:48
  Fast forward in time.
• 3:51
  OK, so outlaws try and like get their buddy out of out of trouble.
• 3:56
  His son's there. Nick Cage, you know, shoots out all the bad guys.
• 4:00
  Yep. The lawman who Nick Cage brought him into gets gut shot.
• 4:05
  So Nick Cage, like 100 percent pay off the dude. And as he's going, the guy who was getting
• 4:10
  hanged goes to shoot a cage. The man who brought him in, Nick Cage just turns around, shoots him
• 4:14
  close up on the face 20 years later. So at this point, Nick Cage would be.
• 4:20
  I mean, we don't know. People just looked older back then because life was harder.
• 4:24
  He was a hard 16, maybe 28 in the beginning. And now he's like 48 and a total square.
• 4:32
  Does he have the mustache? No, no way.
• 4:35
  And he's wearing like a Wild West suit that doesn't look like it's tailored well.
• 4:39
  It does not fit.
• 4:40
  Why don't they have a proper tailor in the Wild West?
• 4:43
  But he's he's happily married.
• 4:45
  They have giant mechanical spiders in the Wild West. Why can't they have proper tailors?
• 4:49
  No, that's the wild Wild West. Oh.
• 4:51
  But he's happily married because, you know, because his wife's hanging their white linens.
• 4:55
  And they've got a daughter that he doesn't quite get on with.
• 4:59
  He does not get on with humans well. It's kind of established later in the movie,
• 5:05
  like he just doesn't emote. He has no emotional connection to people or things and stuff.
• 5:11
  His wife's like, you know, you have to walk your daughter to school.
• 5:13
  Your dad is going to walk you to school. And they're both like, but why?
• 5:17
  And they start walking and we get like jaunty music, which is really setting us up for like
• 5:24
  a father daughter comedy, which this movie kind of just is.
• 5:29
  Yes. It's a father daughter comedy with vengeance and shooting.
• 5:34
  We go through this prolonged scene of them like kind of sniping back and forth at each other
• 5:39
  and just arguing about how things should be done.
• 5:42
  He owns the mercantile store in this new town they're living in.
• 5:46
  Yeah, not very creative. Like the last job he did, the owner of the mercantile store was there.
• 5:52
  And now he's the mercantile store. Good content.
• 5:54
  He gets a customer comes in who tells him this really prolonged story.
• 5:57
  Oh, man, about shit apples, about shit apples.
• 6:00
  And this gets to my biggest elaborate.
• 6:04
  Well, this guy comes in and he's all like, well, every year my mama makes a pie for the church
• 6:11
  bake sale or potluck or whatever.
• 6:13
  Would you know she got her apples from old Mr. Johnson.
• 6:17
  Like that tree grew right next to the outhouse.
• 6:20
  And I tell you, I think the shit from the outhouse got down into the roots and made
• 6:26
  the apples taste like shit.
• 6:28
  And once you know it, the pie tasted like shit.
• 6:31
  So this year she doesn't want to do a pie.
• 6:34
  She's going to bake a cake.
• 6:35
  And meanwhile, it keeps cutting back to Nicolas Cage.
• 6:38
  Like it's just like face and face.
• 6:40
  Yeah, Sean insists that they were never in the same.
• 6:43
  Nick Cage is on set for maybe seven days because every scene with him is just cuts to him
• 6:50
  reacting intently to things.
• 6:52
  But it's just the way like he hates having to interact with other people.
• 6:59
  Like his character just hates socializing with people.
• 7:04
  He has no social empathy, but he just like gets angrier and angrier every time they cut
• 7:12
  back to him throughout this story.
• 7:14
  Like he's just pissed that anybody would talk to him instead of just tell him what they want.
• 7:21
  So he like gets to the end of this guy's story and Cage is just like angry and he's sitting
• 7:26
  there and he's just like, is there something you wanted?
• 7:30
  And the guy's like, oh, some flour.
• 7:33
  The only last sounds like it sucked.
• 7:35
  It was clean, though, according to this film.
• 7:38
  Except for that one guy.
• 7:39
  Not this guy.
• 7:40
  There's another guy later who's dirty.
• 7:42
  Well, this guy was dirty, too.
• 7:43
  This guy was.
• 7:44
  He was filthy.
• 7:45
  That's the whole.
• 7:46
  So like when Nick Cage goes to like get the.
• 7:49
  This is the kind of Peter loves the most.
• 7:51
  Yeah, we're getting the deep cuts here.
• 7:53
  You asked us to elaborate.
• 7:55
  I did.
• 7:55
  I brought this on.
• 7:56
  So when Cage goes to like get the bag of flour, this dirty man who tells us the story
• 8:03
  about the shit apples goes to steal like a handful of jelly beans from the jar that's on the
• 8:08
  counter.
• 8:09
  But Cage's daughter wasn't able to go to school because the teacher was sick.
• 8:14
  Has a box.
• 8:15
  Yeah.
• 8:15
  Probably die.
• 8:16
  Yeah, that's what the kid suspects.
• 8:18
  And so like the kids just watching him steal these and the guy notices and he like takes
• 8:25
  the jelly beans back out of his pocket and puts them back in the jar.
• 8:29
  I wasn't I wasn't really going to steal them.
• 8:31
  That was just a fun game.
• 8:32
  Me and your daddy play.
• 8:35
  So yeah, back at the homestead, some strangers show up while wife is putting up the laundry
• 8:42
  to dry and they kind of like are creeps.
• 8:45
  There's a guy there who does his best Tom Hardy impression.
• 8:48
  He really tries hard and Clint Howard's there, but not hardy enough.
• 8:54
  Yeah.
• 8:54
  And Clint Howard is there as Eustace.
• 8:56
  And that is by far one of the top three characters in this movie following only Nick Cage and
• 9:03
  daughter.
• 9:04
  What about the Marshall?
• 9:05
  You know, the exposition machine.
• 9:06
  Oh, yeah.
• 9:09
  The Marshall just drinking.
• 9:11
  Your father sure was a piece of shit.
• 9:13
  Sorry for my language, but he was a terrible human being.
• 9:18
  So these guys show up and they're creeps.
• 9:21
  They kind of like they're in and around the house like Eustace is inside the house.
• 9:26
  She kicks him in the balls.
• 9:28
  He's like, oh, you get me the balls.
• 9:31
  It was great.
• 9:32
  And then they kill her in the garage.
• 9:36
  Sorry, it's a barn.
• 9:37
  The horse garage.
• 9:38
  Yeah, the horse garage.
• 9:39
  So when Nick Cage and daughter show up at the end of the day, there's just a bunch of
• 9:45
  Marshalls there that were eating their food, hanging out.
• 9:48
  Yeah.
• 9:48
  Eating all of Nick Cage's food and like making themselves at home in the house.
• 9:54
  This is actually a Fourth Amendment violation.
• 10:00
  Soldiers aren't supposed to do that.
• 10:03
  Know your constitution at least as well as me to like questioningly say, quote,
• 10:07
  amendments. Good thing Michael doesn't listen to this thing.
• 10:10
  Fuck.
• 10:11
  He said he's going to wait till we're done with the first season, then just mainline it all.
• 10:14
  So I've got months until he hears that.
• 10:17
  Yeah.
• 10:17
  Cool.
• 10:18
  He'll catch you up, though.
• 10:20
  Yeah, you will.
• 10:22
  Thanks for listening, Michael.
• 10:25
  Sure.
• 10:26
  Rate and subscribe, Michael.
• 10:27
  Also join our Patreon.
• 10:30
  Yeah, we're going to backcharge you, too.
• 10:31
  So the Marshalls don't have to be in the house.
• 10:37
  Tell them that these people killed his wife.
• 10:40
  And so Colton's just like, ah, shit.
• 10:44
  The Marshalls sitting there getting drunk and telling the daughter,
• 10:48
  like what a terrible person her daddy used to be.
• 10:51
  And now he like just used to kill tons of people and this and that.
• 10:55
  And there's like a whole character thing for the daughter where she's like, oh, is
• 11:00
  daddy going to like what's going to stop him from killing people now,
• 11:04
  now that mom's not here to rein him in?
• 11:06
  Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 11:07
  And so like the Marshall leaves, the daughter goes to bed.
• 11:12
  And like when Nick Cage pulls all of his guns and stuff out and he's like,
• 11:16
  you're going to go get revenge.
• 11:19
  I guess he decides he's not going to be a single dad.
• 11:22
  So he goes upstairs and the daughter just like calmly wakes up while he's standing there
• 11:28
  at like the ladder to her loft.
• 11:31
  With a gun pointed at her.
• 11:32
  Yeah, just pointing a revolver at her.
• 11:34
  And she just stares at him and says something along the lines of like,
• 11:37
  Mama wouldn't like you pointing that at me.
• 11:39
  Yeah.
• 11:41
  And so he decides, I guess that's true.
• 11:44
  He takes the daughter and they go get on a horse and start riding off to get revenge.
• 11:51
  And then they chase down outlaws.
• 11:54
  There's ambushes.
• 11:56
  This movie doesn't know what it wants to be.
• 11:58
  It either wants to be like a feel good father daughter,
• 12:00
  like coming to like them working their way out or it's a revenge story.
• 12:05
  And usually it's neither.
• 12:06
  I really liked it.
• 12:08
  I enjoyed it a lot on my second viewing.
• 12:10
  It's I like it on my first view.
• 12:13
  Again, I was really full.
• 12:14
  I'm a visual person.
• 12:16
  You're very full.
• 12:16
  Very full.
• 12:18
  OK, I'm a visual person.
• 12:19
  Like the first scene of this is that shot of the mercantile sign that is brand new white.
• 12:24
  Like nothing in the Old West is dirty except for like two characters.
• 12:28
  The fact that also at night everyone's just lit from the same side,
• 12:31
  even if they're facing each other is really weird.
• 12:33
  Yeah, that was great.
• 12:34
  So it's just there's a lot of decisions made.
• 12:37
  I looked up the director a little bit.
• 12:39
  I love that his name is Brett Donahue.
• 12:41
  Yeah, yeah, Donahue.
• 12:42
  And he did Bruce Willis's last film.
• 12:45
  But so there's this whole like relationship with the daughter of
• 12:48
  clearly they both have some anti-social that in and of itself
• 12:53
  could make an interesting movie set in the Old West.
• 12:56
  It is not something we're ever going to return to except for one amazing scene,
• 13:00
  which do you want to describe this one amazing scene, Nick?
• 13:02
  Yeah, sure.
• 13:03
  The marshals got ambushed by the outlaws and there was one guy who was going to go back to town
• 13:08
  to get help for the people who were shot and stuff.
• 13:12
  And Nick Cage and daughter are there and they see this horse coming and they're like,
• 13:18
  well, we need a second horse because we'll never catch up with just one horse.
• 13:22
  So we're going to set an ambush where the daughter is going to distract him and Nick Cage will take
• 13:27
  the horse.
• 13:27
  So she was like, well, what am I going to do?
• 13:30
  He's like, I don't know, cry or something.
• 13:32
  And they established she doesn't know how to cry.
• 13:37
  And so Nick's like, well, just think about that time where such and such lady lost her baby.
• 13:46
  And she was crying, like looking for her kid.
• 13:49
  And he's just like, where, where my baby, my baby, where, where.
• 13:56
  And so the daughter just takes that as a literal interpretation of how people cry.
• 14:01
  So this guy comes riding up on a horse and there's this kid,
• 14:06
  like this little girl in like pants and western hat and stuff,
• 14:09
  just standing in the middle of a road, just staring at him going where, where, where my baby,
• 14:18
  my baby, where.
• 14:19
  And the guy's like, a baby?
• 14:24
  And it's like, what?
• 14:25
  It is an astounding sequence.
• 14:28
  Yeah, it's great.
• 14:30
  But then later when they catch up with the marshals and she's talking to them,
• 14:35
  there's one marshal that got shot like in the leg and he won't give up his gun.
• 14:41
  Nick Cage distracts him or something.
• 14:43
  And the daughter just like steps on the gunshot wound in his leg.
• 14:48
  And so the guy like gives up the shotgun and he's sitting there crying.
• 14:53
  And she's staring at him and she's like, he does that much better.
• 14:57
  I'm going to take that performance next.
• 15:00
  So it's like, oh, God, you're a psychopath.
• 15:03
  Yeah. And that's kind of the end of that story, that arc of that story.
• 15:07
  Yeah. Oh, did she get to use the crying again?
• 15:10
  No.
• 15:11
  I felt like she did cry later, but.
• 15:14
  Well, she well, she actually does cry when her father dies.
• 15:17
  Oh, yeah, that's true.
• 15:18
  Spoiler.
• 15:20
  It's a Western.
• 15:21
  Yeah.
• 15:21
  And I said it was very Shane like, but better.
• 15:24
  So, yeah, the criminals, they broke out of jail and the lead guy who is the kid that
• 15:30
  Nick that Colton shot at the beginning of the film's father.
• 15:33
  So he's out for revenge.
• 15:35
  He promised all of them mucho dinero.
• 15:38
  So when they get to where the money is, it actually just it's a bunch of pesos.
• 15:41
  Right.
• 15:42
  Because they're going to jump the border and the pesos will be worth something.
• 15:47
  But American dollars wouldn't or whatever.
• 15:50
  Like, you know, he promised them, you know, a fortune, but it just it isn't any good here.
• 15:53
  So they have to stick with him to Mexico.
• 15:57
  Yeah, it is smart.
• 15:58
  And then later there's this whole thing where he's going to like rip them off by like
• 16:01
  wrapping strips of newspaper in it.
• 16:04
  That doesn't go anywhere either.
• 16:05
  Nothing in this movie goes anywhere is what I'm saying.
• 16:06
  Eventually, we get the showdown.
• 16:09
  Yeah.
• 16:09
  Every attempt at like Tom Foolery gets foiled.
• 16:12
  Yeah.
• 16:13
  Again, Clint Howard is kind of the best part of this film.
• 16:15
  Clint Howard is.
• 16:16
  And no one's ever said that about Clint Howard before.
• 16:20
  I mean, I didn't know who he was until we were watching this movie.
• 16:24
  So I definitely hadn't said it.
• 16:26
  But now now I have.
• 16:28
  I mean, he does look like a crazed version of Ron Howard.
• 16:31
  It's like if you left Ron Howard out in the sun too long.
• 16:33
  But then put him in like a Confederate like war outfit and you've got him in this movie.
• 16:40
  It's like if you put a Richie Cunningham action figure in the microwave.
• 16:43
  Yeah, that joke's great for boomers.
• 16:46
  Our target audience.
• 16:49
  I don't know who our target audience is.
• 16:51
  Apparently, it's just our friends.
• 16:53
  Yes.
• 16:54
  But we do get we do get one decent gunfight.
• 16:57
  Yeah, no boat chases, but.
• 16:59
  But yeah, Colton gets the shot in the arm.
• 17:02
  And at the final showdown, they've kidnapped his daughter.
• 17:05
  And the final showdown, Colton can either shoot the guy who killed his wife or shoot
• 17:11
  Hustas and save his daughter.
• 17:13
  So he shoots Hustas.
• 17:15
  Bad guy shoots Colton.
• 17:17
  Then daughter shoots bad guy.
• 17:19
  Then the exposition machine of the marshal shows up again,
• 17:23
  explains how he could take her in, but would only wind up looking the fool.
• 17:28
  If you know, everything that came out about him and his crew came out.
• 17:31
  So he's going to let the daughter go back home.
• 17:34
  Yeah, where there's nothing for her.
• 17:36
  Yeah.
• 17:36
  Like even their house is burned down.
• 17:38
  She has only the pants she's wearing and the horse and her dad's saddle.
• 17:44
  That's it.
• 17:45
  Oh, there's one other great scene in this because she goes into town
• 17:49
  to kind of see where the bad guys are.
• 17:51
  But the whole plan is she's going to just ride in town,
• 17:54
  say she's picking up something from the mercantile store from
• 17:57
  for her parents who live in a little farmstead.
• 18:01
  And she gets into the store and gets distracted for a second.
• 18:06
  And when the store owner is like, can I help you?
• 18:08
  She just verbatim does the my mama was going to make a pie
• 18:12
  like speech from the movie and the shit apples.
• 18:15
  And the guy's like, who's Mr Johnson?
• 18:19
  Because they're not in Mexico yet, but everyone in this town is Mexican.
• 18:23
  Oh, I thought you were doing like an Indian accent
• 18:26
  because he ran a mercantile like an old west 711.
• 18:31
  No, I'm not.
• 18:32
  I'm not that racist.
• 18:34
  Although it doesn't bother me that they're still in America
• 18:36
  and everything in this town in Santa Rosa where they're in the town of Santa Rosa.
• 18:40
  But everything is like, you know, everything's in English except for the Zapata.
• 18:45
  If you want a sombrero, you go to Zapata Ria.
• 18:49
  If you want to be a shoe store.
• 18:52
  Not where I'm from.
• 18:53
  Zapata means you look, you take your fucking melanin and.
• 19:01
  I don't know, like put it in a shadow box and cherish it for all I care.
• 19:08
  I'm sorry.
• 19:09
  I don't know Spanish well.
• 19:10
  That's I don't either.
• 19:12
  I know. I know. Zapata the up here.
• 19:13
  Yeah. Yeah. So this movie is definitely it's it's a laugh.
• 19:19
  I wouldn't say don't watch it.
• 19:21
  No, definitely watch it.
• 19:22
  No, definitely watch it.
• 19:23
  It's a great fucking movie.
• 19:25
  It's a lot of fun.
• 19:26
  Don't pay twenty five dollars for it.
• 19:28
  How many Clint Howards out of 10 do you rank it?
• 19:31
  Nine and a half. Clint Howard's out of 10.
• 19:33
  Pretty good.
• 19:35
  Which half?
• 19:36
  Bottom.
• 19:38
  The non-talky half.
• 19:39
  The part that got kicked earlier.
• 19:42
  Nine Clint Howards and one Clint Howard's genitalia.
• 19:46
  He was the comedic relief of the bad guys.
• 19:48
  Yeah, he was like he was the
• 19:51
  goofy one that you just didn't feel bad rooting for in the bad guy gang.
• 19:57
  Yeah, if it goes to streaming, watch it.
• 19:59
  Yeah, right now it's on Apple TV and.
• 20:01
  It's $19 to rent.
• 20:03
  So, you know, make your own decisions about that.
• 20:06
  Thank you all for listening to this bonus episode.
• 20:07
  If you are interested in rating, reviewing or subscribing, it helps us out a lot.
• 20:12
  We are available to heckle on Reddit at Cage Match Pod.
• 20:17
  And if you are interested in being a patron, you can support us on Patreon.com slash Cage Match.
• 20:24
  Well, anything else to say on it?
• 20:27
  Wham, wham, my baby, my baby.
• 20:31
  That's that's about it.
• 20:44
  There's one at one point in the film, Clint Howard just goes,
• 20:46
  I'm out of here and like walks, walks off stage left.
• 20:50
  And I'm like, I hope he just like I hope that was him quitting the movie.
• 20:53
  Just his last scene.
• 20:55
  Yeah, I'm out of here.