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Two Panic Attacks in Two Weeks Changed Everything · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  Two panic attacks in two weeks. I'm in our most important meeting of the week at National Technology Management, our level 10, doing an acquisition integration on the table. My ex and I are fighting like cats and dogs, and mid-meeting, I get word that she's on her way to the ER. I'm running a company, engaging the crisis, and trying to keep my own body from betraying me all at the same time. And underneath of all of it,
• 0:29
  I'm doing the deepest internal work I've ever done, witnessing exiled shame with my IFS specialist, pulling up wounds that have been driving me for 40 plus years. So when I tell you this episode is about the nervous system reset, I am not reading this from a book.
• 0:52
  I lived it last Wednesday. And I want you to know something right off the bat. The panic attacks aren't a sign that I'm broken. They're a sign that the system I've been running is finally too small for the load. That's why the protocols matter. That's why pep talks don't. And that's why I'm gonna do this episode for you today. Welcome to the Harder in Life Show where my lived life experiences, mistakes,
• 1:21
  turmoil and trauma I share with you, and then show you how I got out of it. So last Wednesday I got a call from a friend, and I know that early in the morning there's something's wrong. We are smack dab in the middle of working how we're gonna lead with AI and cybersecurity and
• 1:42
  just doing possible great things at National Technology Management. And I know right away when I get this phone call, something's wrong, has to do with my ex. I text the person who she reached out to, and he's like, yeah, she's on her way to the hospital, she needs your help. So I reach out in the middle of the meeting, tell the guys to hold on, and the chaos is just ensuing, and my internal nervous system is just on fire.
• 2:13
  So let me reset again, I have the NTM acquisition, my relationship is in turmoil, my ex is in the ER, and I'm working on the hardest childhood trauma of my life. Oh, and my coach is pushing me to the new end, and we're trying to build this podcast as it's growing like crazy. So a lot going on right now. These panic attacks, the one was when I got notice of a betrayal
• 2:43
  And the second one was I was working with somebody and their pain on top of my pain was too much. And I had to excuse myself, walk into another room, and I collapsed, crying, hyperventilating, and then ran into the bathroom and dry heaved. Wow. It felt like I was going to have a heart attack
• 3:10
  I'm the guy that this isn't supposed to happen to. I'm the one who's built on discipline. I'm the one teaching you guys that I got this under control. Two times, the worst childhood trauma was activated. I did not power through this. I did not double down. I did not white knuckle through this. That's the old Kelly. That's where the name harder than life came from.
• 3:37
  It's an old version of me that was built on a crack foundation. I didn't try harder. I slowed down. And it's the hardest thing I've ever done. Let me remind you again. I run a company. I run a brand. I run my body. And last Wednesday, all three were on fire at the same time. And I'm telling you this, not because I figured it out.
• 4:01
  I'm telling you this because I'm in the middle of it right now. I actually am finally coming towards the edge. Multiple coaching sessions, multiple therapy sessions, multiple journaling, which I'm going to break down all of it for you today. So 15-minute reset to calm a crazy nervous system. So the first protocol I want you to do
• 4:26
  is to override your body's natural instinct, which is for me to speed up and power through it. So I needed to slow down. If yours is slow down, then you might need to speed up. Just override the natural things. High achievers, because that's the system default, by the way, high achievers have one default response to pressure, more effort, more hours, more output. The default will kill you. It will, that's why people drop dead of heart attacks.
• 4:57
  The override is a 60 to 180 second pattern interruption. I call it that sacred pause. It's just breathe, put your hand on your heart and take a second, stand up, walk away from the screen, do the box breathing, four seconds in, four seconds hold, eight seconds out, repeat.
• 5:24
  cold water on your face or anything that breaks that sympathetic spiral. Speed is the symptom. Slowing down is the medicine. Protocol number two, give yourself permission to honor the exhaustion instead of powering through it. This is the hardest one for guys like me. Exhaustion is a weakness. I've told you guys a thousand times, I run on protein and caffeine.
• 5:51
  And I act like that's cool. It's not, man. It's going to kill me. It's data. Your body is sending you a report. You either read it or you pay the late fee. And the late fee is death. The protocol is to check in twice a day, 10-second body scan. If the answer is I'm running on fumes, you adjust. Go home. Take a nap. I have a couch in my office. I'd never used it up until these last two weeks. Now I've been laying on it.
• 6:21
  You don't add, you subtract. It is addition through subtraction. You can't out-discipline a depleted nervous system. You just can't. Protocol number three is use mirror work. Get an objective mirror from outside your own head. When you're fried, you think you're unreliable. That's not a character flaw, that's biology. Cortisol disorts perception.
• 6:51
  So here's some options for Amir, a coach, a therapist, a trusted friend, but that friend needs to have been through it, not your childhood friend who's always been there for you and just gonna give you what you wanna hear and not what you need to hear. Literally, you're gonna hear a journal all the time, but I have been literally built an AI agent that gives it to me hard. I'm not recommending this yet,
• 7:21
  But just give it a try. It gives it to you nondescript with no fluff and no opinion. So I bounce things off of an AI agent that knows everything I'm going through.
• 7:33
  And I used all of these protocols in the last 14 days. I've worked with my IFS therapist. I work with other coaches who have been on the podcast who graciously offered to get me through crisis. I leaned on Claude to surface the patterns, to identify the patterns I couldn't see, and it did well. You cannot see the label from inside the bottle. Protocol four. You've heard this a million times. Journal and meditate. Meditate.
• 8:01
  multiple times a day, not just once. I was running just once a day. Boy, oh boy, does this work.
• 8:10
  One session a day is maintenance. When the system is under siege, you need reps. Three to five short sessions beat once a day. At least do two, one in the morning, one at night, and maybe have a notebook. I don't have mine right here, but I got two in the other room. You have a notebook nearby to just write things out. I commonly am opening Claude and leaving notes in there. Here's a common journal prompt I've used. What am I avoiding? What am I pretending not to know?
• 8:41
  What does my body need right now that I'm refusing to give it? Meditation doesn't need to be a 20-minute session on a cushion. Three to 10 minutes of conscious breathing between meetings is all it takes. Regulation is reps, not retreats. Protocol five, this was a hard one for me. Receivership.
• 9:05
  Lean into your circle. Let them carry some weight. Let them carry some weight. This is the one most of you are going to skip.
• 9:14
  And it's the one that will save your life. And it's the most uncomfortable one. And uncomfortability is harder than life. And it's where the real growth happens. I had multiple coaches and methodology and whatever we call these people that we are, influencers, thought leaders, called me from the podcast because they saw my post because I air everything with you guys. And they showed up and showed out.
• 9:40
  And I did the hardest thing a high functioning person can do. I had to receive it. I got calls from famous people saying, dude, I heard what happened. How can I help? Let go and let God surrender. I heard it all. I got tired of answering the phone, but I did it anyways because that was love. I let people love me. And it shouldn't be people. I used to have friends that would give me alcohol, take me out.
• 10:06
  Tell me, forget about that stuff. That's not what you need. You need to sit in your shit. You build a circle for the storm, not the sunshine. If you won't let them in during the storm, you don't have a circle, you have an audience. Or worse yet, you're performing.
• 10:23
  Let that sink in. You're performing. I'm gonna give you an invitation, and it's a confession. When my circle stepped up over the last two weeks, every old voice came alive inside of me. You should be able to handle this. You're the guy who teaches this. You're a fraud if you need it.
• 10:40
  I almost canceled sessions. I almost ghosted calls. The shame was loud, but I did it anyways. And I grew closer to each and every one of these individuals and I felt loved and supported. And that exiled shame felt witnessed and loved and supported. And I believe that sped up the healing process. I lean into uncomfortable because that's the pattern breaker and you should too.
• 11:08
  Be comfortable being uncomfortable. That's the whole game. Not the breath work, not the journal, not the meditation. Those are the tools. The pattern breaker is doing the thing your shame is telling you not to do. This week, I want you to run the 15-minute reset, all five protocols. Three minutes each, every day for seven days. And here's the one I want you to pay the most attention to.
• 11:39
  You know what? I'm going to reiterate what they are again. Number one is override the system. Number two is give yourself permission to honor your exhaustion. Number three is get the mirror objective view from outside your own head. Number four was journal and meditate multiple times a day. And the fifth is receivership.
• 12:02
  So those five things, I want you to pay the most attention to number five because that was the hardest one for me. Who's in your circle that you've been holding at arm's length because you don't want to look weak? You don't want to feel judged. You don't want to feel. Call them. Text them. Tell them what's going on. Not the highlight reel. The truth. The truth.
• 12:30
  and watched them love you anyway. It is so uncomfortable for me. And to just sit there and listen and take it all, and sometimes I was just sitting there and quiet as they just held space for me and it was beautiful. I know that sounds like some woo woo stuff and the big tough Kelly Siegel. It was everything I needed, my friends. And here's what I know, every one of you listening
• 12:57
  has had a Wednesday morning like I did and probably have another one coming. Maybe not this Wednesday, maybe not even next month, but it's coming. And the question isn't whether you'll get hit. The question is whether you build a system that catches you when you do. I built mine the hard way. You don't have to.
• 13:19
  Learn from other people's mistakes, especially mine. You guys tune in every single week. The podcast is growing and I love you so much for it. Share this with people. And I want you guys specifically on YouTube to comment, which of the five protocols is hardest for you and why? And you'll know when you just read them.
• 13:42
  though it's the one that upsets your stomach, drop it in the comments. I read every one. If you'd like any explanations on something, email me, kelly at heart of the life.com. I will answer and I will tell you, truth be told, what I'm going through. It's not easy. This has been heart of the life. I'll see you next Thursday. Thanks for listening.
• 14:04
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.