Latest / Blush / 5 Lessons About Relationships I Learned from 5 Years of 'Aussie'

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5 Lessons About Relationships I Learned from 5 Years of 'Aussie' · Blush

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Hello and welcome to blush, the world's first Wellness show
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that's actually entertaining. I'm Heva and I quit law so I can
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help you look and feel your best.
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Together we got into food, nutrition, all the latest
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Wellness trends, but we also laugh, get silly, drop a few F
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OPS and go on a million tangents.
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So if that sounds like your vibe, we're about to be best
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friends. Hello and happy Tuesday.
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My sinuses are so fucked, although far better.
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But you know, I'm, I'm pretty tired all the time still and
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there's just a ton of phlegm and sometimes the ear pressure or
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the pressure changes in my ears. Oh, and the tops of my teeth
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feel like they hurt still, so that's cool.
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My thumb is getting better slowly.
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I did hurt my ankle over the weekend.
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It's just the accident report at the top of the episode.
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And then this morning in solid core I.
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So we it's all of course, on a reformer machine, like a Pilates
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reformer machine. And we do a lot of AB work on
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it, like plank vibes AB work. So a lot of the time your toes
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are hooked under the straps on the machine.
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And we were meant to go from our toes to our knees.
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And so I go to move my feet and I have to backtrack.
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So months and months ago, I hurt my big toe on my right foot.
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I don't, I actually have no idea what happened.
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I just knew one day it kind of hurt the way a bruise would.
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And then over time a bruise developed there.
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It took weeks to even see a bruise there and then over time,
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and by that I mean recently, So when I started getting
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manicures, by the way, if you're watching on video, I am so sorry
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for the status of my nails. I'm going to go get them fixed
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this week. But it's it's actually the
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trashiest thing I've ever seen. It's so bad.
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But in all fairness, I've been sick and dealing with things
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anyway. So when I started getting
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manicures, my first time, I got a manicure and a pedicure and
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she kind of commented on the toenail.
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She goes, oh, that's going to fall off.
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And I was like, that's sick because I've never had that
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happen to me before. I was not a very outdoorsy or
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sportsy child, so I really didn't have a lot of the common
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kind of injuries. I did sprained both of my ankles
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numerous times, not really from being sporty.
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The first time happened because I was running in the school
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hallway. Probably because they had like
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put out brownies or something else ago.
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A bitch can't get there fast enough.
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And then I suddenly stopped because I thought I saw a friend
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and I fell over. I rolled out my ankle and I fell
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over. They put it in like a mini, like
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not even a proper cast, like a bandaged kind of cast.
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Like it was glued on, but it wasn't cast, cast.
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Do you know what I mean? When they went to get it off, by
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the way, with a power saw, I was like, let's leave it on.
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I, I think I can, I can just become a part of me.
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Maybe my leg can grow around it. It'll my body can just absorb
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it. Fun fact about me, a few years
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ago, the podcast was in existence when this happened, by
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the way, a few years ago. I wonder if I talked about it
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back then. I don't know, 'cause it
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happened, I think late, no, what happened in 2021 for sure we had
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the podcast was fully in existence when this happened.
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I went and I got my ear pierced with one of my friends and I
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already have a lot of piercings, so I got one in.
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I don't even know what it's called.
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It's like the bowl of the ear. Like if you think of the ear
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like a toilet, it's like the bowl, the part that you pee
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into. I got a piercing in the middle
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there. I'm sure there's a formal word
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for it, but you know that part of the cartilage where it's
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hollow? I got a piercing in there,
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really pretty earring too. I need to find it.
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And, you know, I clean around it like you're supposed to.
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And then one day I go to clean and I felt like I couldn't push
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it out. Like it was sticking out really
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far. So I was like, hey, Ozzy, can
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you come look at this? And he was like, oh, the back of
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your ear grew around the back of the earring.
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Like, basically, my body had just absorbed the earring as
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part of its own. So that was really fun.
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And it ended up being far more dramatic to get it removed than
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you would imagine. I went to a piercing place.
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I was like, can you got it out there?
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Like, no, you have to go to urgent care.
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And so I went to urgent care. And they're like, yeah, we can't
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do this. You have to go to a surgeon.
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And I was like, absolutely not. Like, someone just give me like,
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a fucking needle. We can get this thing out.
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And then that week I was going to see my dad in California, and
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he took me to this Persian family doctor, I guess has lower
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standards. And he's like, yeah, I'll numb
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it up and get it out. Like, this is so stupid.
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I can't believe they're sending you to a surgeon.
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I was like, no, I know crazy, right?
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Like I, I'd rather die than go to an ENT and be like, I'm here
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to get the piercing out of my ear.
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He'd be like, literally there are people dying.
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This is not a priority anyway, so wow, I love how we're this
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many tangents deep and I'm talking about nothing basically.
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So yeah, I was not like that type of kid who was, you know,
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like I've never had stitches. Well, I've had teeth pulled, so
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I've had stitches inside my mouth, but I've never had
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stitches elsewhere. You know, like I always thought
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that was so cool. People have got injured probably
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because I was so attention maybe as a kid, I probably saw someone
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with a broken foot and I was like, that's cool.
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How do I get me one of those anyway?
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So when I went to, when I got my toenails done months ago, she
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was like, this is going to come off.
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We'll just paint over it, but it's fine.
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And then over the past few months, I've noticed that there
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is like, I don't know how to describe it.
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It's like there's this layer that kind of protrudes on the
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top of my toenail, but I'm like, I'm not going to fucking touch
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that shit until it fully falls. I like the concept of not having
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a toenail or like having a toenail fall off.
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Like really mentally freaks me out.
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So it's like, I'm not even going to address the situation.
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Anyway, I think you know where the story is going.
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So this morning I'm in solid core and we have to switch from
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the toes to the knees. By the way, has anyone noticed
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that I rebound a lot faster, faster when I go on tangents
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than I used to? And I know I've brought it up
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before, it's just interesting to me because I have a lot of rain
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fog right now. Like I am not firing on all
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cylinders at all due to aforementioned sinuses and the
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fact that I'm still able to get back to where I was a lot easier
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than I used to. I think there's some there
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there. I think we should study it.
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I have a few theories, creatine being one of them.
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I have been taking lion's mane kind of regularly and they say
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it helps. Like I haven't really note, I
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haven't really perceptively felt sharper in any way, shape or
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form. This is the one thing that I
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notice. It's when I go on tangents, I
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can find where I was pre tangent a lot better than I used to be
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able to. So that could be one of them.
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I'm eating a lot more protein in general that could.
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I don't know. I don't know if it, I mean, all
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of these things are good contributors so.
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Oh, and I have caffeine now. Yeah, it's probably a combo of
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all the things anyway. So where was I kind of met a
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moment because I actually did kind of forgot.
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No. So the toenails.
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So yeah, I go to switch from toes to knees and I pull out my
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toes and the fucking toenail thing gets caught on the strap.
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And all of a sudden I feel this sharp pain and I just stop.
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I barely even look down. I just look down to see if it
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was like still attached or not. And it was still attached, but I
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was like, I'm not going investigating.
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I don't need to know what's going.
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It's literally none of my business.
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Whatever is going on on my own big toe, none of my fucking
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business. I just ran out of the room, went
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to the front desk and I said, hey, do you have some band aids?
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She gave me a few. I just wrapped it all up and now
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I just have it wrapped like a little mummy.
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Speaking of a mummy, I am having a mouth tape problem.
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So basically I've tried, I've, I've tried every type of mouth
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tape that I could get my hands on and historically I ended up
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using this tape. It's just like skin tape or
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something. Here, hold on.
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I have my phone because printer gate 2025 is trucking along
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still, so I can tell you exactly what it is that I get.
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It's the next Care Stronghold pain free removal tape for
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sensitive skin. So I like it.
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The problem is #1 I'd like it. It's one inch thick.
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Basically I put just a horizontal strip across my face,
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but I'd like it if we were a bit thicker than one inch so it
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could cover more above and below my lips.
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So that's one of my issues. The other issue is you cannot,
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cannot have anything on your lips or really, quite frankly,
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your skin in general. It just will not adhere at all.
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So that's my dilemma with that one.
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And then I have this other tape for skin that I've used, but
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that one literally pulls my skin off.
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So I've stopped using that one. A lot of the more like
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specialized designed to be mouth tape mouth tapes won't stick on
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or they don't fully cover the perimeter of my lips.
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So just shocking because I don't even have big lips like I'm
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after you everyday being like wow you are a thin lipped bitch.
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Like how do I I don't even want bigger lips.
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I want a shorter distance between my nose and the top of
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my top lip like I do I have surgery for that.
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I don't could I staple it up? Is that an option?
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Maybe super glue anyway, so a lot of those don't work.
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And then I got this other basically I've gone through I
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think 7 or 8 different brands of mouth tape in the past few
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months. I just got one that's advertised
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for being like it's money back. Guarantee it will stay on over
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skin care. And here's the thing, it does
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stay on over skin care. The problem, it has a little
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slit in the middle so that you can breathe, you know, But the
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problem is when you're a fucking mouth breather, you're going to
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use the slit to breathe. What's the point in putting tape
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all over my fucking face if it has a hole in the one part where
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I don't want a fucking hole? And I understand that it's
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supposed to be like whatever, so you don't die.
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The hole is way too big. The hole is way too fucking big,
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so that does nothing for me. So now I use scar tape for mouth
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tape, and there are two problems #1 it doesn't stick on
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perfectly, it tends to come loose a lot #2 I feel like I
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probably shouldn't put scar tape on my lips.
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I don't know, just 'cause it just 'cause there's an opening
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and then that's how we eat. I just worry that a lot of like
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chemicals are getting inside my mouth.
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Like this sounds dangerous anyway, so any tips would be
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appreciated. I mean, at this point, maybe I
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get stitches in my mouth. I just get them stitched shut.
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I think a lot of people would be grateful if I chose that option,
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quite frankly. Oh, my God.
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Excuse me. Yeah.
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So moving right along. I'm injured all over.
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I can't breathe. Sinus is overflowing from
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everywhere. My ears go in and out of
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pressure. And I oh, I tested so many
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recipes today and they're so good.
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Like, I'm so fully in my soup era.
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I can't even put into words how much I'm in my soup era.
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Like, all I fucking want is soup.
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I can't believe I have not partaken this aggressively in
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soup culture in the past. Like the past few winters.
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Like. Yeah, I'd go buy soup sometimes,
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but it wasn't a staple in what I was eating.
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In fact, two years ago I was eating like fucking melons all
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winter long if I remember correctly.
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Nope, not this year. All a bitch fucking eats his
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soup and I'm just making new soups left, right and center.
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I just tested a soup that I'm going to do on an upcoming
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episode of Blush Kitchen. So got excited for that because
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it's going to be a good time and some other recipes.
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I'm so excited. There's so much good stuff
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coming up. You guys have no idea.
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I just need to try to not die first from, you know, a nail
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falling off or one of my sinus is exploding or, you know, my
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thumb. Wait, did I tell you guys what
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actually happened with my thumb? OK, this is so embarrassing.
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So you know how he's making the biggest deal?
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Oh, my thumb hurts. Oh, my God.
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It feels like it broke my thumb. And then I'm, you know, like I
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have an ounce of self-awareness enough to be like, it's probably
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not broken based on the fact that I can literally do
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everything I've ever done with my thumb and it's not swollen or
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anything. Yeah, I'm 99% sure the reason my
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thumb hurts is from holding my book at night in bad.
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Well, I think 1. I think there there was a strain
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that built up overtime. And then one night specifically,
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I fell asleep while holding the book and it was just leaning
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against my thumb. And I think it was that night
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when I woke up in the middle of the night and my thumb really
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fucking hurt. So I think that's what was
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happening with my thumb. I mean, drama queen 2025, Like,
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Jesus Christ, if that was an award, would I win it?
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When I say I hurt my ankle? It was over the weekend.
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We were staying with some friends in Connecticut and there
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were two steps that I missed because I was in the middle of,
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I was actually in the middle of posting an episode clip to
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social media as as I was walking and I didn't see these two steps
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and I like went flying and my ankle rolled out and stuff.
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But the Yelp I let out, everyone was like, Oh my God, is she
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dying? Ozzy was like, no, she got a
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paper cut. That's her reaction to just life
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in general. The lights may have turned on
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unexpectedly. Any number of good things could
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have happened, but I can guarantee you she is not injured
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anyway. So yeah, that's a recap of all
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my ailments and injuries. Now, should we get into the
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fucking episode? Wait.
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OK, real quick. Other stories.
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So I just got new slippers because my old slippers were so
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disgusting, like so fucking disgusting.
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I actually think there may have been some mold inside them.
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And wait, I want to just have a quick conversation about mold.
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I am finding that there is far more mold in the world than I've
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ever been prepared for. Like I'm just finding mold every
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everywhere, everywhere. Look, I'm like, oh, is that
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black mold? Yeah, I think that's black mold.
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Shit, I guess I should throw that out.
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We threw out a bath mat a couple months ago because no, we threw
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out one bath mat months ago because it had black mold on it.
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And then I got one of those, Oh my God, you're you're going to
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die laughing at me because I don't know how to say this word.
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So you know, that type of stone, it starts with AD.
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I'm just laying out the groundwork for you before I say
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my fucked up version of saying it, which is not right.
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My friend Maggie the other day literally said it to me over and
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over and over again to try to get me to say it correctly.
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And I still fucking can't say it.
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It's in my head. It's dichotomous.
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That's not what it is. That's not what the word is.
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Hold on, I'm going to look it up and then I'll explain what the
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material is. But it's supposed to dry.
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It's supposed to be really like it absorbs water and it dries
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quickly and it like it's great for these things.
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Hold on, let's see. OK, it's spelled D is C OK, let
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me just preface this. Part of the reason why I have a
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hard time pronouncing the word is because I don't even know how
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it's spelled. So it's not like I've ever sat
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and looked at it and then tried to say it.
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It's that I know it's a jumble of certain letters.
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Like I know it's DIA and then there is MSOSCST's and it ends
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in an ous. So I don't even know what the
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order of the letters is, which is why I don't know.
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You know how there are certain words you only see them written?
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You've never even bothered saying it out loud, so you
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didn't even register in your head how the letters work.
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Or is that not just me? Is that, is that dyslexia?
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Is that do I need to go to a doctor?
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OK, it's spelled DADIATOMACEOUS. OK, let me take one stab at it
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before I look it up. Diatomaceous earth.
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OK, now let's look up how it's actually pronounced.
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Oh, let me tell you what it is real quick.
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It's a fine powdery substance made from the fossilized remains
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of diatoms. What the fuck is a diatom?
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Oh, it's a type of algae. Interesting.
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It's used as natural pest control, a dietary supplement,
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blah blah blah. Yeah, I don't care about this
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stuff. I care about why is it used for
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wet stuff so much then? It's something about its water
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absorption or something. Pronunciation.
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Here we go. Oh, OK, let's have the bitch do
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it for us. Yeah.
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Diatomaceous earth. Diatomaceous earth.
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Diatomaceous earth. OK, so yeah, that word.
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So I got one of those bath mats and I'm like, amazing.
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This thing is built for water situations.
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It's going to work out so well. And it had these rings in it as
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part of the design. And the other day I looked down
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and they're fucking filled with mold.
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So we had to get rid of that. I actually broke it.
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I was having a really angry day. We were already going to throw
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it out and I was having a really ragey day, so I just slammed it
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to the ground. I did a little rage room with it
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and I just released that anger. Fuck, my mental health has not
17:52
been the best health. And I look back, I was like
17:56
really kind of losing it anyway. But you know, sometimes you have
17:58
to control to release the anger. Oh, OK, so my slippers had wolt
18:05
in them, right? And they were just like really
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falling apart and so bad. And actually I posted some photo
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on Instagram and I was wearing the slippers and someone DM me
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and goes I really can't with the way your toes are hanging out
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with the slippers. And I looked and I was like, I
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sorry, just my throat, I'm going to gag.
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I'm going to fucking throw up. That is vile.
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That is so fucking nasty. So I think the next day I went
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to buy new slippers and I've been eyeing these ones from
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Bombas for a while. And by a while, I mean a day and
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a half to two days, they have two different ones that I
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thought both looked good. So I go, this is a stupid story.
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Now that I'm starting to tell it, I'm really regretting this
18:51
decision. But whatever, we're already in,
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we can't back out. So I go to the Bomba store and I
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try on both the slippers and then try even finish.
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It's like really not worth it. The more I think.
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But I just feel like if I don't finish, you know what, You know
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what, I'm going to abandon the story.
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I'm going to abandon the story. It's not worth it.
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I'm telling you, it's not worth it.
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This is stupid. Now, OK, let's get into the
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point of today's episode. So it is just about
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Thanksgiving, I think. I don't know.
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Let's let's let's, let's spend some time looking at a calendar.
19:31
Yeah. When is Thanksgiving?
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Oh, OK. Well, not quite.
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So Thanksgiving is over a week from now.
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But in my head, at Thanksgiving would have been two days after
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this episode comes out, which I'm now finding out is
19:48
incorrect. Nevertheless, we're ready here.
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So we're still going to do this episode.
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So Ozzie and my first date was almost exactly 5 years ago.
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It was the Sunday after Thanksgiving in 2020 was our
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first date. And so I thought it would be fun
20:09
to do like a little. Episode, sorry if you just heard
20:16
that it was shockingly loud. I was peeling off part of my
20:18
nail because my nails are fucking breaking left right and
20:21
center. It's it's a tragedy here, the
20:24
situation with my nails. I mean, I can't overemphasize.
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You know what I should do? I should just cut them until I
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go get them fixed because this is not going to work like I'm on
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the verge of injuring myself anyway.
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So I'll actually look up exactly when our first date was.
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Let's go. Oh, look at this.
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OK, let's go to 2020 November. Our first date was November 29th
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of 2020. So yeah, that was another year
20:59
where Thanksgiving, I guess Thanksgiving's always the last
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Thursday of the month. OK, This is why are we spending
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so much time on this? Now to be clear, we haven't been
21:12
together for five years straight.
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We actually have kind of a long complicated story.
21:17
If you're a newer listener, if you're an OGOGOG listener,
21:20
you've heard this entire story, I believe before.
21:23
So we first matched on Bumble in July of 2019.
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We, you know, sent a few messages back and forth, nothing
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much happened, whatever. And then a month later maybe he
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messaged me, you know, a few back and forth.
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So nothing happened, whatever. This kind of went on for a
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fucking year, over a year. And then I remember in September
21:49
of 2020, So this is not over a year after we've batched, we
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still have not met. He messaged me one time and I
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had just changed phones and I didn't have any of my old phone
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history so I didn't even know who it was.
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So I was like who is this? And I was in a bad mood that
22:08
day. This was not long after I
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started getting my period again after about a decade of not
22:15
having my period. And I remember I was PMS ING and
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the PMSS were wild at the time. Like it took so long for my.
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Not that they're any better now. In fact, my last two PMSS have
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been so bad that I'm like, I think I need to go to a doctor.
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Like this is not normal just in terms of mood swings.
22:33
Like they've been so psychotic. Like it's actually kind of
22:36
that's when I broke the path mad.
22:37
To put it in perspective, it was 2 cycles ago when I was PMS
22:41
saying I was like I have to break something and this is
22:45
garbage anyway anyway so I was Moody.
22:49
I was PMS saying and he texted me and I go, who is this?
22:54
And he goes, oh, it's Aussie. His name isn't Aussie, but you
22:58
know, from what do you say? You said it's Aussie from Tinder
23:04
from a million years ago. And I was just in a fucking
23:08
mood. So I responded and I go, I've
23:10
never had fucking Tinder and I don't know who the fuck you are.
23:14
And he goes, oh, OK, sorry. It could have been Bumble, which
23:19
I respect so much. I feel like anyone else, if they
23:22
got that text, they'd be like, OK, this person's nuts.
23:25
Like, I should stop talking to her.
23:26
Meanwhile, he's like, oh, OK, Tuesday, you know, whatever.
23:30
Like, so unfazed by my cuntiness.
23:34
And then I was like, oh, OK, wait, can you send me a
23:37
screenshot of your profile? Because I just don't remember
23:40
who you are. And you did.
23:42
And I did remember him. Whatever.
23:43
We send a couple messages back and forth per usual, like he
23:46
wasn't even in the fucking country.
23:48
I'm like, why? Why do you keep messaging me
23:50
when you're not even in the country?
23:52
Anyway, so then the podcast launches a month later and I
23:58
just went through my entire text history and I texted a link to
24:01
pretty much everyone I'd been texting with.
24:03
I texted a link to him. He responds and he says
24:06
something so cunt. He goes, oh great, just when we
24:09
need two more Americans talking about themselves.
24:11
And I was like, well, first of all, I am not American, so fuck
24:18
you very much. So we message back and forth a
24:22
few times. Then this is October of 2020.
24:25
Fast forward to November of 2020.
24:29
It's Thanksgiving and I have a couple of people over, you know,
24:33
stragglers who were all not able to be with our families that
24:37
year for Thanksgiving. And we we were drinking, you
24:42
know, as what does on the holidays.
24:45
Some people doubt. It was actually my first time
24:48
ever drinking on a Thanksgiving ever.
24:50
That year was good. Well, because I'd always done it
24:53
with my family and my family doesn't drink.
24:55
So which is actually, now that I'm older, one of the things
24:58
that I like the most about my family, I really think that I
25:03
have a lot of balance around alcohol because I grew up in a
25:06
family that doesn't drink. So I've never been someone who
25:09
like reaches for a glass of wine at the end of the night because
25:12
I just never saw that behavior really until like now, you know
25:17
what I mean? So anyway, that's neither here
25:18
nor there. So we are drinking and he
25:22
messaged me happy Thanksgiving and I wrote back.
25:25
I said, hey, let's get a drink this Sunday. 1:00 PM this far.
25:32
And Sunday rolls around and I wake up and I realized I had
25:36
scheduled three different dates with three different guys all
25:39
for 1:00 PM that day. And I'm like, OK, I'm either
25:43
going to have to cancel two dates or I'm going to have to,
25:46
you know, Mrs. Doubtfire it up. And I just don't have that many
25:50
costumes. So I feel like I'm going to need
25:52
to cancel two dates. And I looked through it and my
25:55
options. I actually can't remember who
25:57
the third one was with. One of them was with this guy
26:00
this like I call him a tech billionaire.
26:03
He's not a billionaire with AB, but he's definitely a multi
26:06
millionaire who I'd been on a few dates with and he was nice
26:10
enough. But maybe maybe at another point
26:13
I'll talk about what ended up being the issue with him because
26:16
he comes into play a little while later too when our story,
26:20
it's actually kind of funny anyway.
26:22
But I've been out with him a few times and like, you know, he's
26:26
really nice guy, super wellnessy.
26:28
We're really connected on that stuff.
26:30
Plus he's super rich, which like, who doesn't love, you
26:33
know, whatever. And then there's this guy knows
26:37
like, you know what, this guy seems so nutty from his not his
26:45
social media. What's it called?
26:46
His dating a profile. Like he just seems like very
26:49
artsy and eccentric and different.
26:51
Plus we've been messaging for a year and a half and haven't met
26:55
up and he seems to be very tolerant of crazy.
26:59
So this could make for really good podcast stories.
27:02
I'm going to go out with this guy.
27:03
And then literally as soon as we met, I was, Oh no, I'm fucking
27:07
obsessed with him. It was best first date of my
27:10
life. I had so much fun.
27:11
I remember, not to sound really cheesy, but my first date with
27:15
the Ozzy was the first time where I really, really, really
27:19
felt like I was myself. Which sounds like a stupid thing
27:22
to say, but let me backtrack a little.
27:24
I think that deep down, I'm a very kind of silly person.
27:29
But I grew up in a very serious household where there was not a
27:35
lot of laughter or joking around.
27:39
Like my dad is very, very, very serious.
27:43
Like he's not a jokey kind of person at all.
27:46
And I didn't have a lot of friends growing up, especially
27:51
when I was younger, younger, like before I was even in
27:54
school, because my parents had just moved to Germany from Iran.
27:57
They didn't really know people. Like, they didn't really have
28:00
kids to have me play with. So I grew up very isolated, and
28:04
I really didn't know how to be a kid.
28:06
And I really didn't know how to be silly.
28:07
And there were all these parts of me that were inside that I
28:12
wanted to express, but I never felt like I could express.
28:16
And I remember it came up a lot when I was dating the comedian
28:20
because he's very silly. And I remember I would watch him
28:23
and I'd like have this silliness inside of me that I felt like I
28:26
couldn't express and I didn't know how to express.
28:29
Like it. Just like, it's kind of like,
28:30
have you ever been somewhere and you're watching people dance and
28:33
you're like, I want to dance, but it's like, I don't know how.
28:36
And I don't want to look stupid and I don't want to embarrass
28:38
myself, so I'll just sit here instead.
28:40
It was that kind of vibe, you know?
28:42
So anyway, my first date with Ozzy was the first time where I
28:46
felt like I was being so silly and just fully myself and I was
28:50
very fearless and I just didn't care if I looked stupid.
28:53
Like it was such a cool feeling and we hit it off so well in
28:58
terms of our sense of humor was so compatible and we just had so
29:01
much fun. And then I brought him to help
29:05
me walk my dog and he met Samantha and Sam just adored him
29:09
from the get go. And it just was such a click.
29:11
Like I was fucking obsessed with him, obsessed with him for the
29:16
from the get go. So this was the end of November
29:20
of 2020. We kept seeing each other and
29:23
then I kind of noticed a bit of a vibe shift around late
29:26
December. And I asked him about it and he
29:30
said, well, you know, I just found out that I'm actually
29:33
going back to Australia late January.
29:37
He said, you know, originally I wasn't going to go because of
29:40
COVID and the borders and stuff. But now they're arranging a
29:44
whole thing because he works in Australia.
29:46
He's Australian, But also he works in Australia every around
29:50
December to January. Like our winter months, their
29:53
summer months. He's always in Australia.
29:55
But that year, he wasn't meant to go because of everything
29:58
shutting down. But then they figured out how to
30:00
make a way to, like, make this tournament still happen.
30:03
So all of a sudden he is leaving again.
30:05
So he's like, yeah, you know, I have been different because I'm
30:08
about to leave and I don't know how this would work with me
30:11
gone. And, you know, I've had bad
30:13
experiences with it in the past and yadda, yadda, yadda, right?
30:17
Whatever. We keep hanging out until he
30:20
leaves. Like literally the last night
30:21
before he went to the airport, he stayed at my place, whatever.
30:26
And then he goes back to Australia and I'm like barely
30:29
fucking hearing from this motherfucker.
30:31
And we're not exclusive at all, I'll keep in mind.
30:34
But still, like I, you know, thought we were like in love and
30:37
about to get married and all of a sudden I'm barely hearing from
30:40
him and it's just frustrating. So then I start talking to other
30:45
guys and my start, I mean I was the entire time, but I find this
30:50
new guy, van guy, you might recall if you're a long time
30:54
listener. If not, I did started dating
30:56
this other guy while Ozzy was in Australia and we ended up
31:00
actually in like a full blown relationship together, which I
31:04
just want to say would not have fucking happened if this asshole
31:07
had called me when he was in Australia.
31:09
Just like a text here and there wouldn't have happened.
31:12
Nevertheless, I'm now dating this other guy and Ozzy and I
31:16
were still talking a little bit here and there.
31:18
So I did tell him after that happened and you know, cuz he
31:22
would text me here and there and so I was like, hey listen, just
31:24
so you know, I am dating someone else cuz you know, integrity is
31:30
of utmost importance to me. So as he comes back from
31:34
Australia, I'm not even entirely sure when he came back from
31:36
Australia. This is now 2021 by the way.
31:39
It's early 2021. I've been seeing Fan Guy for a
31:42
few months and I knew, I think I knew by like April or so that he
31:49
was back because he had made a couple references to it and I
31:53
was actually so excited to see him.
31:55
But I'm dating Van Guy and Van Guy was meant to leave New York
31:59
imminently, but he wasn't. And at this point I kind of knew
32:03
I was going to break up with Van Kai.
32:05
Not for anything Aussie related, but I just, I, I kind of could
32:09
feel the expiration coming up on that relationship.
32:14
And so basically it just keeps dragging on.
32:18
It's like really hard to leave this relationship blah blah.
32:21
I remember in May, this was a big moment for me.
32:25
I don't fucking know why I decide to bring Van Guy down to
32:32
see my family. Big mistake.
32:35
It did not go well at all. But I remember when we were
32:38
leaving, I texted my best friend and I said I can't stop thinking
32:43
about how much better this would be if it were Ozzy and not fan
32:47
guy. And then not long after we came
32:51
back, I broke up with Van guy and I immediately texted Ozzy to
32:56
hang out. But I was never planning on like
32:59
being more than friends at this point because basically to me it
33:03
felt like Ozzy was really avoidant.
33:05
And I was like, I don't want to deal with this bullshit.
33:08
Like I want someone who's emotionally available.
33:10
I'm not going to deal, deal with like being unclear on where I
33:14
stand with someone. You know, I'd, I'd listen to all
33:18
the things on social media like, oh, if you're unsure how he
33:21
feels about you, then he doesn't like you and like blah, blah,
33:24
all this stuff. So I'm like, OK, obviously he's
33:26
not serious about me or he's not serious in general or whatever
33:29
the fuck it is. I'm not going to deal with this.
33:31
Like I'm, I'm going to find my own person.
33:33
But he him and I have such a strong sense of humor
33:37
connection. Like we have to be friends.
33:39
I have to have him in my life. And I remember the first time we
33:42
hung out after a band guy and I broke up, he said something to
33:46
me. He's like, you know, I'm sorry
33:48
that I kind of lost touch with you when I went back to
33:52
Australia. I don't want to use this as a
33:54
cop out, but I was in a really bad place.
33:56
And you know, I know that's no excuse.
33:58
And I sat to him and I was so honest in that moment.
34:00
I said, you know what? Honestly, I appreciate you
34:03
saying that, but the truth is I really, really, really liked you
34:08
the entire time we were seeing each other and I was playing so
34:12
many fucking games. And you were probably so unclear
34:15
on what was going on. And so I kind of don't even
34:18
really blame you. Like, I feel like I was never
34:21
really honest about how, like, seriously into you I was.
34:25
And what had changed at that point was I had done a lot of
34:28
work on myself. I'd really worked through a lot
34:31
of my attachment issues. And so I didn't really feel the
34:34
need to play games anymore. Like I could just be so honest
34:37
because I just didn't care anymore.
34:38
Like to me, it wasn't, I wasn't trying to date him anymore.
34:42
So I didn't need to like, play coy and play these games and
34:45
like try to get him to like me or whatever.
34:47
I was just so honest about it. And we were platonic for a few
34:52
weeks when we started hanging out again.
34:55
So this is like late May, early June or June, I think of 2021.
35:02
We hung out for I think like 2 to 3 weeks completely
35:07
platonically. And then one night we were
35:09
starting to watch Harry Potter together because I just finished
35:12
the book series and so I wanted to watch the movies.
35:15
And so one night we wrapped up watching Harry Potter at my
35:18
place and I walked him out to his bicycle on the street and
35:24
you just grab my face and he kissed me.
35:26
And then ever since that night, it was it was on, you know, it
35:29
was on. And it didn't take long after
35:31
that for us to become exclusive. And then, you know, the
35:34
relationship evolved very naturally and I would say at a
35:38
really good pace after that, like really not too fast at all.
35:43
It very, you know, we went from hanging out twice a week to
35:47
three times a week to four times a week to five times a week to
35:50
he's kind of not leaving to we officially actually live
35:53
together. You know, it kind of, it really
35:56
went at a really good pace. And we've been together ever
35:59
since, which is by far and wide the longest relationship I've
36:03
ever been in. I mean, before him, we're
36:05
talking a year, year and a half Max.
36:07
So this has been quite the feat of accomplishment for me.
36:12
And I wanted to share in honor of these past five years, which
36:16
again, we haven't been together for all of the five years, but
36:19
we have been in each other's lives very closely for all of
36:22
the five years. And we pretty much have been
36:24
dating other than a few months when I was fucking pan guy in
36:27
the middle, you know, there. And that we have been pretty
36:29
much dating those five years. I just wanted to share 5 lessons
36:35
that I've learned from these five years of being with Aussie.
36:40
And I wrote them down. And you know, I think I already
36:43
made this dumb joke earlier this podcast, but we're still in
36:47
printer gate so there are no flash cards.
36:49
So I'm just going to read them number one.
36:52
And I am actually starting with this one because I think this is
36:56
the most important thing that I've learned about
36:59
relationships. And it's one that I honestly
37:03
truly wish wasn't true. But it is true.
37:07
Like there really is no way around it.
37:09
And the sooner that you accept this lesson and start
37:13
implementing it in your relationships, whether they be
37:16
romantic or otherwise, the sooner you will see your
37:20
relationships work better. And it's a lesson that I think
37:24
most all of us are resistant to, especially I think as women.
37:29
And that is that you have to explicitly ask for your needs if
37:32
you want them to be met. And I think that this is
37:36
important because we really grew up in a Disney era or, you know,
37:41
these high school ROM com movies where the girl needs something
37:49
and the guy just anticipates her needs and he magically is there
37:54
and anything she could possibly want.
37:56
He's always giving to her. And I think who we were fed this
38:00
narrative growing up that when it's your soulmate, they
38:05
automatically know what you want and you never have to
38:09
communicate it. And if they don't automatically
38:11
know what you want, then it isn't your person.
38:13
And unfortunately, that just isn't how life works.
38:16
Unfortunately, most of us, I mean, human beings really learn
38:20
by modeling behavior. So we just observe whatever
38:25
behavior we were modeled growing up, and then we tend to mimic
38:29
that behavior. That's why we become so much
38:31
like our parents, especially when we're in more proximity
38:34
with our parents. Like people say like, Oh my God,
38:37
everyday I see, I see I'm turning into my mom.
38:40
Yeah, you are because that's what you were modeled.
38:42
That's how you. I mean, it's it's how we learn
38:44
how to walk. It's how we learn how to talk.
38:46
I mean, that's why animals who grow up under the care of a
38:50
different animal begin acting like that other animal rather
38:54
than what their actual nature is.
38:56
It's because that's what they grew up around.
38:58
I mean, there's even videos of dogs who have owners who have
39:03
limps, who then the dog starts limping.
39:06
It's because they're mimicking what they see.
39:08
That's what we just do as mammals.
39:11
And unfortunately, most of us were mimicked really fucked up
39:15
relationships. Or even if they weren't that
39:17
fucked up, they probably weren't ideal either.
39:20
They're probably far from the type of relationship that we
39:23
want in our adult lives, but that's just what we see and
39:26
that's what we mimic. And then it's imperfect.
39:29
And then on top of that, a lot of the time that we, a lot of
39:33
the time, the way that we feel love isn't the way that we show
39:38
love. And you know, the love languages
39:41
I think is a good baseline to work around this even though I
39:44
don't think that they're necessarily exclusive.
39:46
For for example, I show love a lot by giving gifts, which is
39:51
weird because receiving gift gifts is like when I took the
39:56
love languages quiz, I got a 0 on that as 0% for gifts.
40:01
Like I do not want to fucking receive gifts in fact.
40:05
I have had meltdowns over receiving gifts in the past
40:09
because I'm very specific about things and I don't want to own
40:13
too many things and I'm constantly trying to own less
40:15
things and then I'm very picky on physical.
40:19
It doesn't matter. I don't like gifts.
40:21
I'm not a gift. Like gift is not in my thing
40:25
right? But OK, I lost my train of
40:29
thought. No, but I, I do often show love
40:32
by giving gifts, which is how my parents showed me love growing
40:36
up. So that's just kind of what I
40:38
do. I really like to receive love or
40:42
right now at this current juncture of my life.
40:45
And I do think a lot of this is actually influenced by
40:48
insecurities and whatnot. But I do really like words of
40:52
affirmation a lot. And Ozzy loves to show love by
40:56
acts of service and physical time together, physical touch,
41:00
but especially, especially I would say for him is acts of
41:03
service. And this came to a head
41:06
recently. We were supposed to go somewhere
41:10
and I got really, really sick that day, that morning.
41:13
And I just could not get it together to go.
41:16
And he is, I mean, all over me, bringing me things, taking care
41:20
of me, doing every little thing for me.
41:23
But I was having just a full fucking meltdown because he
41:26
never said, hey, it's OK, I know you're not feeling well.
41:30
We're going to stay home. I'm going to take care of you.
41:33
Those were the exact words that I wanted to hear, but he's not
41:36
saying them. Instead, he's doing so much.
41:38
He's doing more than you could even possibly conceive of
41:41
because that's his way of trying to take care of me and show me
41:44
love. And I finally had to say, hey, I
41:47
appreciate everything you're doing.
41:48
I see it. This is what I need.
41:51
I just need you to say these 5 words.
41:53
Honestly, it's like probably a lot fucking easier anyway,
41:55
right? So we really do have to
41:58
explicitly ask for what you want, but the good news is that
42:02
you don't have to do it for eternity.
42:05
Like you ask for what you want and need a few times and then
42:08
people tend to remember and take note and adjust their behavior.
42:14
But you really do have to explicitly ask again.
42:17
It would be so sick to date some kind of like mind reader or 11
42:21
from Stranger Things and have her like tap in through the
42:24
radio and read your thoughts or read what you're doing and you
42:27
know, be able to go inside the, what does she call it, like a
42:31
mind circle, whatever. It's just not reality.
42:35
It just isn't reality. You're just going to have to get
42:38
used to the fact that you're going to have to ask for what
42:40
you want #2 no matter how much you think you've healed, all
42:49
your shit will come up again. This came up for me big time
42:54
last week. I filmed this TikTok showing
42:58
this hack for getting fresh bread from stale bread.
43:02
It's not something I made-up. It's not that innovative, but I
43:05
just posted it in case people don't know.
43:07
So you just Oh my God, I have a rash.
43:12
I have a little rash on my neck. Oh, that's so uncomfortable.
43:15
Anyway, you just pour water over the stale bread and then toast
43:20
it and it'll be like fresh bread again.
43:22
So I filmed this TikTok. I posted it, I sent it to Ozzy.
43:25
I was like so proud of myself. I was like, look at this cool
43:27
trick. And he got really upset because
43:31
I put the knife in the toaster, which apparently you're not
43:33
meant to do. I had no idea.
43:35
Apparently it's like like you could blow up the entire house
43:38
type situation because very, very serious.
43:41
And he got, I got really, really mad.
43:42
And I got really, really, really upset.
43:45
And I was unpacking with a friend why I got so upset.
43:48
And I realized that it's because I'm so desperate for Ozzy's
43:52
approval all the time. And if I don't get it, it's like
43:55
a little kid. I'm like, oh, it feels like my
43:58
sense of safety is being threatened.
44:00
Like it feels like the biggest deal in the world.
44:03
And I was really thinking about it and I thought to myself, I
44:08
thought you had worked through so much of this, like need for
44:11
approval stuff. Like I've done so much, you
44:14
know, trauma therapy and reprogramming and all this
44:18
stuff. And I thought I'd worked through
44:20
a lot of these wounds, but they continuously come up over and
44:24
over and over again because that's what romantic
44:27
relationships do. Like I thought I'd fully move to
44:31
secure attachment before Ozzy and I got together.
44:34
And I do think in many ways I had.
44:36
But still, there is anxious patterning that comes out all
44:39
the time with me still. Like it's no matter how much you
44:43
think you've worked through stuff.
44:44
Again, if you're watching on video, I'm sorry, the nails
44:48
situation is out of hand. No matter how much you think
44:51
you've worked through stuff, all your shit is going to come to
44:54
the surface again. Like there is no amount.
44:57
I used to think that it was like I had to reach a certain level
45:00
of self improvement before I could be in a serious
45:03
relationship and make it work. Like I almost muted as like a
45:06
certification or a degree. You know?
45:08
Now you're licensed to be in a relationship.
45:11
It's not like that you get your licensing in the relationship,
45:15
truly. I mean, I do think you should do
45:16
self work before you enter into a relationship.
45:19
But believe me, most of the heavy lifting is going to happen
45:22
in the relationship regardless of how much you've done up until
45:26
then #3 you take turns buoying each other.
45:39
Buoying. Buoying, you know, like a buoy
45:42
in the ocean. Am I pronouncing that correctly?
45:44
I think so. Buoy, A buoy.
45:46
So you take turns kind of holding down the Fort.
45:50
One of you can meltdown and the other one is going to have to
45:54
hold it down. And you really take turns with
45:57
that. And in our relationship,
45:59
surprise, surprise, it's usually Ozzie booing me.
46:02
But there have been times where I buoyed him.
46:06
There was a time when we were in California last month or
46:09
whatever. I don't even know.
46:10
Time is just melding together. I think it was two months ago.
46:13
Who the fuck knows? Maybe it was last month, who
46:16
knows? It doesn't matter.
46:17
When we were in California, we were in San Francisco for a
46:20
week. Who was working there?
46:21
And then he had gotten a rental car so we could drive down to
46:26
see my dad. And we went to LA and we went to
46:29
Palm Springs. We did some other things in
46:31
California, right? So we are there for two weeks
46:33
total. So the day that we're supposed
46:35
to be leaving, this is after he's been working for a week.
46:38
He's fucking exhausted. And when I say you know, he's
46:43
gone for work, they're working like 16/17/18 hour days there.
46:48
I've, I've seen it before where they've worked 20 hour days, I
46:52
mean, psychotic. They're working non-stop.
46:54
It's extreme time pressure. There's a lot going on.
46:57
There's no like time for rest and recovery and all this stuff.
47:01
And he's just broken and exhausted and tired.
47:04
And so he goes to get the rental car and the rental car places
47:09
like, oh, actually there are no cars left.
47:12
We accidentally gave every single car away and there's just
47:16
a horde of people there who have rental car reservations.
47:19
Like it's been paid for and there are no cars to give.
47:23
And he calls and he's like, I'm trying to sort it out, but like,
47:25
I am not doing well. I'm so angry.
47:28
Like I can't hold it together. And I was like, it's cool.
47:31
I can be calm for the two of us. And that was the day where I
47:34
buoyed him. Like I said, usually he buoys
47:37
me. But I think that this is really
47:39
how adult relationships work. You just fucking take turns.
47:43
One person gets to have a meltdown, and the other person
47:45
holds the two of you together. And I think that that's
47:48
ultimately what a good relationship is.
47:52
Let's see what's that #3 Yep #4 this is another unfortunate one.
48:00
But I think if you accept it, your relationships will be
48:05
easier. There's going to be a lot more
48:06
compromise than you think. Like you think you're going to
48:09
find someone like Ozzy and I are very, very similar in almost
48:13
every way. Like, our values are very
48:15
similar, you know? Well, our lifestyles aren't that
48:20
similar. I guess he travels a lot more
48:22
than I do, but you know, like what we value the way we want to
48:26
live, what's important to us. All these things are
48:29
exceptionally similar. Like we're both pretty
48:31
wellnessy, but we also like to have balance and go out a little
48:35
and socialize and things like that.
48:37
You know, we both kind of have the same long term vision for
48:40
life. All these things are the same,
48:43
so I never thought that there would be so much compromise in a
48:46
relationship, but there really fucking is.
48:48
Like Ozzy compromises all the time, mainly around me.
48:51
Never wanting to do anything really drags him down.
48:55
I compromise on my routines and my schedules.
49:00
Like I often stay up later than I'd like to because I want to
49:03
just have a moment of connection with him and it hasn't happened
49:06
earlier in the day. Or I might watch something when
49:09
I don't necessarily want to or listen to something when I don't
49:12
necessarily want to. Now do I do a ton of
49:15
compromising? No honestly, he does a lot more
49:17
of it in the relationship, but that's neither here nor there.
49:20
There still is a lot more compromising than you might
49:23
think. And then this last 1, I actually
49:26
asked him if he had any advice. And so this last one is from
49:31
him. And he said that showing up is
49:35
more important than how you show up.
49:37
And let me explain exactly what he means.
49:40
So I just mentioned how when he's gone for work, it's really,
49:44
really, really intense. And when we were first together
49:47
that first year, honestly, even before we were together
49:50
together. This actually goes back to when
49:52
I was dating Van Guy when he would go he when he's on these
49:58
work things, there's so much pressure, he's so broken.
50:01
He would be so anxious and he really could never like take any
50:06
sort of time for himself or do anything.
50:08
And he was in such a bad mood and he wouldn't really want to
50:11
talk to me because he thought he was like sparing me of his bad
50:16
mood. Like he only wanted to be in
50:18
contact with me if he was in a good mood and he had good things
50:21
to say. But because it was all bad and
50:24
stress, he didn't just want to call me and complain and vent.
50:27
And all these things that I think is kind of the point of
50:30
having a relationship is having someone to vent to.
50:33
To him, it was the opposite. He was like, oh, I care about
50:35
this girl so much. I don't want to talk to her.
50:37
If I'm in a bad mood and track her down, I don't want to talk
50:40
to her. If I don't have good things to
50:41
say, I don't want to complain to her.
50:43
Even to this day, after five years of being together, he
50:46
still has a really hard time complaining to me.
50:50
Like he'll complain for two seconds and then apologize for
50:53
it. And I'm like, no, no vent.
50:55
That's what I'm here for. But anyway, So what he said is
50:59
what he's really learned over the past five years is just
51:03
taking the 2 minutes to call me not only lifts his mood, but it
51:07
makes me happier too. And he's learned that it's OK
51:10
that he's not perfect. It's OK that he's not in a good
51:13
mood. It's OK that he's complaining or
51:16
whatever. It's just the showing up that's
51:20
building the connection. It doesn't have to be any deeper
51:23
than that. So I thought that was really,
51:24
really beautiful and I wanted to share that with you all.
51:28
OK, I hope you enjoyed this episode.
51:30
I'm going to go I'm going to go take a little resty rest because
51:34
she's tired. My poor fucking sinuses.
51:38
Again, if you have any advice on the sinuses, I'm literally all
51:41
ears. I feel like I'm I'm at my what's
51:44
end with all this. Anyways, we will talk later and
51:50
we'll talk next week to be specific.
51:52
And until next week, love you. Bye.
51:57
If you loved that episode as much as I hope you did, make
51:59
sure to hit subscribe so you don't miss a thing and check out
52:02
some past episodes while you wait for the new one to drop
52:05
next week. And until next week, make sure
52:08
to stay hunty out there.