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Mojo Monday: Why the 'All or Nothing' mindset doesn't work and what to do about it · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

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  Speaker 1: Hi everyone, It's Carli and welcome back to the Paul
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  Speaker 1: Taylor Podcast for our weekly Mojo Monday. So today we're
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  Speaker 1: tackling a common mindset that many of my clients are
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  Speaker 1: struggling with and I have often struggled with too, and
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  Speaker 1: that is the all or nothing approach. So it could
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  Speaker 1: be about our fitness routine, or maybe our work with
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  Speaker 1: the projects we've got to do at work, or personal goals.
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  Speaker 1: And really it's a mindset that doesn't work. So let's
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  Speaker 1: dive into it. Let's dive into why it doesn't work
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  Speaker 1: and what we can do about it. So, first off,
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  Speaker 1: what do we mean by the all or nothing approach?
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  Speaker 1: So it's that black and white thinking where you're either
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  Speaker 1: all in or you're completely out. So, for example, if
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  Speaker 1: you can't go to the gym and work for an
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  Speaker 1: hour do anything. If you're busy and you can't make
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  Speaker 1: a class, you just don't do anything. If you can't
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  Speaker 1: finish a project perfectly, you don't even start. You start
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  Speaker 1: to eat healthily and you end up drinking a bottle
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  Speaker 1: of wine and eating chips with a friend, so you
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  Speaker 1: may as well just keep going. And so I'm wondering
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  Speaker 1: whether this sounds familiar to you. So the problem with
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  Speaker 1: this mindset is that there is this attitude that we
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  Speaker 1: should be perfect humans who never stray from our intentions
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  Speaker 1: and goals, and that when that happens, we're failed and
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  Speaker 1: we may as well give up, and as a result,
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  Speaker 1: we end up struggling with feelings like shame and hopelessness,
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  Speaker 1: and we don't end up living aligned with what's important
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  Speaker 1: to us. And look, we know that life is not perfect,
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  Speaker 1: and it's very rarely so clear cut. There are always
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  Speaker 1: shades of gray and unexpected hurdles to jump over, and
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  Speaker 1: we shouldn't expect any anything else. In fact, we do
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  Speaker 1: need to prepare ourselves for the hurdles so they don't
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  Speaker 1: take us by surprise, and then when we're confronted with them,
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  Speaker 1: we can pivot and we can know what course of
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  Speaker 1: action to take. So let's look at a few aspects
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  Speaker 1: of why they all or nothing approach doesn't work. So
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  Speaker 1: the first one is perfectionism paralysis. So when we aim
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  Speaker 1: for perfection, we often end up doing nothing at all
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  Speaker 1: because the perfect conditions are rarely met, and this can
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  Speaker 1: lead to procrastination and stagnation, and then it can also
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  Speaker 1: lead to those motions and feelings that I talked about
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  Speaker 1: before about shame and guilt. Then there's burnout. So going
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  Speaker 1: all in can be exhausting and it's also unsustainable, and
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  Speaker 1: this is particularly with people who are high achievers or
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  Speaker 1: running their own business. You know, there's this need to
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  Speaker 1: or this desire to push yourself too hard without any
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  Speaker 1: sort of flexibility, and then you're likely to burn out
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  Speaker 1: quickly and lose motivation. And also in this particular scenario
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  Speaker 1: as well, you end up sacrificing other areas of your life.
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  Speaker 1: There's missed opportunities. So by focusing only on the big
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  Speaker 1: wins or major accomplishments, we miss out on the smaller
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  Speaker 1: incremental progress that really adds up over time. So small
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  Speaker 1: steps can lead to big changes. So I'll run through
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  Speaker 1: some strategies that you could experiment with if you are
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  Speaker 1: struggling with the all or nothing bug. So the first
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  Speaker 1: one is to embrace your imperfect humanness, except that you
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  Speaker 1: are human and not everything will be perfect. I have
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  Speaker 1: never met a perfect human being, and I am confident
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  Speaker 1: that I never will. So you can choose not to
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  Speaker 1: listen to that perfectionistic voice in your head because it's
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  Speaker 1: not helping you. And that's not to say that there
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  Speaker 1: isn't a healthy level of perfectionism, but if you know
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  Speaker 1: that your perfectionism has tipped over the edge and it's
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  Speaker 1: not helping you, that's when you can choose whether you
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  Speaker 1: listen to that voice or not. The next strategy is
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  Speaker 1: one that I love, and that is to approach each
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  Speaker 1: day as day one. So if each day is day
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  Speaker 1: one and today didn't turn out how you wanted it
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  Speaker 1: to be, then tomorrow is still day one, so you
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  Speaker 1: can start again. And this fits in nicely with that
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  Speaker 1: Buddhist approach of the beginner's mind. And so often we
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  Speaker 1: go on these challenges. So you might go on like
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  Speaker 1: a fourteen day challenge or a thirty day challenge, and
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  Speaker 1: then at day nine you fall off the wagon and
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  Speaker 1: something happens and then you just go, oh, well, I've
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  Speaker 1: stuffed up, so I may as well just give up.
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  Speaker 1: So if every day is day one, then you will
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  Speaker 1: just approach the next day as being able to start again.
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  Speaker 1: So it's a really good mindset to get into to
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  Speaker 1: prevent you from giving up. And then the next one
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  Speaker 1: is practicing flexibility. And this is flexibility in our minds
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  Speaker 1: and flexibility in our actions because life happens and plans changed.
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  Speaker 1: You'll get injured, you know, last minute meetings will be scheduled,
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  Speaker 1: your internet will go down, the kids will be sick.
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  Speaker 1: So being adaptable and being open to pivoting when these
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  Speaker 1: situations arise. And this is where you can use the
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  Speaker 1: Japanese concept of urugamama, So with things as they are,
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  Speaker 1: what needs to be done, and this is a staunch
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  Speaker 1: acceptance of what has happened, even if you don't like it,
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  Speaker 1: and then taking that next step of like what can
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  Speaker 1: I do? So if you can't do a full workout,
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  Speaker 1: you may be able to do a few push ups,
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  Speaker 1: you may be able to go for a ten minute walk,
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  Speaker 1: you may be able to do twenty kettlebell swings. It's
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  Speaker 1: about doing something, So just do something, doesn't matter if
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  Speaker 1: it's small. It's still taking you on that path and
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  Speaker 1: you're still moving forward, not backwards. So the other one
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  Speaker 1: that just in closing is to observe your thoughts. Observe
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  Speaker 1: those all or nothing thoughts with a bit of curiosity.
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  Speaker 1: And what that can do is help you distance yourself
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  Speaker 1: from your thoughts so you don't get so entangled up
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  Speaker 1: in them and they don't take control and push you
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  Speaker 1: down the path that you don't want to be on.
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  Speaker 1: So remember your mind is always trying to problem solve,
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  Speaker 1: but it's often not helpful and you don't always have
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  Speaker 1: to do what your mind tells you. And this is
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  Speaker 1: why observing your thoughts with curiosity means that there's space
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  Speaker 1: between you and the thoughts and it gives you more
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  Speaker 1: control over what decisions that you make next. So the
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  Speaker 1: all on approach I think most of you will agree,
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  Speaker 1: doesn't work. So if we can embrace our imperfect humanness,
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  Speaker 1: practice flexibility in our minds and our actions, focus on
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  Speaker 1: every day being day one, and observe our thoughts with curiosity,
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  Speaker 1: then we can take control over our choices to keep
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  Speaker 1: going and make meaningful progress because life isn't all or nothing.
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  Speaker 1: It's about that balance and making the best of each moment.
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  Speaker 1: So thanks for listening. You can catch Paul this Wednesday
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  Speaker 1: for his weekly Wednesa Wisdom Wednesday, and I will catch
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  Speaker 1: you next week.