Latest / Mom Gone Mild / How I Found My Sparkle Back: 5 Things That Helped Me Feel Like Myself Again

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How I Found My Sparkle Back: 5 Things That Helped Me Feel Like Myself Again · Mom Gone Mild

• 0:17
  Hey guys, welcome back to Mom Gone Mild.
• 0:20
  Wow, have I missed saying that? Also, you like my new little
• 0:25
  studio? I'm in my son's nursery.
• 0:28
  Anyways, yeah, so we are officially in season 2.
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  First of all, I just want to say thank you guys for sticking
• 0:34
  around. I know I took a little over a
• 0:37
  month off, but honestly, I really needed it.
• 0:41
  I needed that time with my family.
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  I really needed to think where I wanted this.
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  Just podcast to go and breathe for a second.
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  And I realized something during the break.
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  I feel like season too, is going to feel probably way different
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  than season 1. I was still trying to find my
• 1:00
  voice. I had obviously never done a
• 1:03
  podcast before, so I was kind of like figuring it out as I went.
• 1:06
  I talked a lot about my early days, my party girl days, and
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  yeah, that was a huge chapter in my life.
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  And you know what? It was fun, of course, you know?
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  But I feel like we're in the present now.
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  And that version of me just isn't me anymore, and that's
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  okay. I don't regret that chapter of
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  my life at all because it taught me a lot.
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  It taught me a lot of the stuff that I want.
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  It taught me a lot of the stuff that I didn't want.
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  It taught me responsibility. Like, maybe don't get drunk at a
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  Clippers game and yell at Blake Griffin.
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  Yeah, that actually happened. And so if you're new here, just
• 1:47
  go back and listen to season 1 because that story still cracks
• 1:51
  me up to this day. It's so embarrassing.
• 1:53
  But this podcast I feel like is going to be growing with me.
• 1:58
  I can only talk about what I'm currently living through.
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  I can only share my experiences from where I'm at today.
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  Right now, that's motherhood, womanhood, marriage, health,
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  just friendships, finding confidence again, and just
• 2:14
  finding out who I am. I just feel like that is what
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  feels authentic to me. Now don't get me wrong, every
• 2:19
  now and then I will still splurge and have a little
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  edible, you know, take a nibble here, but definitely not the
• 2:26
  whole brownie. We have matured a little bit
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  over here at least. So I hope you guys enjoy growing
• 2:33
  with me because I'm just really excited for where this podcast
• 2:37
  is heading. Anyways, enough about that.
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  Let's catch up because I haven't talked to you in a while, so
• 2:45
  grab your coffee. Whatever the biggest thing that
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  has happened. Well, obviously Axel turned 1.
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  How has it been one year? I don't know so his birthday
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  theme was officially one. See what I did there I know it's
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  kind of cheesy, but I loved it His birthday was beautiful.
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  We were surrounded by so much love, you know, just it meant
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  everything to us. But let me tell you something.
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  When I say it was hot, it was hot.
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  It was 103 degrees. I laughed, I cried.
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  I almost went to the ERI wish I was joking, but I was not.
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  I overheated, and so did a few other people.
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  But looking back, yeah, I learned something.
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  I spent weeks stressing, obsessing over these
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  decorations, food, timelines, just balloons that we didn't
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  even get to blow up because it was so hot.
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  And then the day came and I just realized I wasn't being present,
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  I was making sure everyone else was OK instead of just soaking
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  in my baby's first birthday. I feel like I was everywhere
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  except actually in the moment. So next year I told everyone we
• 4:01
  are doing a family trip, we're saving money.
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  Maybe not. I mean, it was pretty expensive,
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  but hopefully having less stress and just making great memories.
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  Now, don't think we didn't make good memories.
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  But your girl was stressed. Yeah.
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  I did not sleep the whole week before.
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  But you know what? He's my first.
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  So I am still learning. And honestly, I feel like that
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  kind of ties in today's episode. I'm.
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  We're learning, growing, changing because I feel like
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  during the break, I realized something got my sparkle back.
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  If you're a Bravo girly and you know Brittany from Vanderpump
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  Rules the Valley, you know exactly what I mean.
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  I'm not going to like, do her Kentucky voice because I'm not
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  good at accents. But I got my sparkle back and I
• 4:51
  feel like when I used to hear that, I would be like, what the
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  hell is a sparkle? Are they talking about Twilight?
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  And I'd be like, that's kind of cute, I guess.
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  But you know what? I totally understand where it
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  comes from now. I get it because I feel like
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  somewhere over this last year, I didn't really find the old me
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  again. That's what I was like on this
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  quest for. I feel like I found a version of
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  me I honestly like even more. Not 21 year old Lex, not party
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  girl Lex. I mean literally just me, a
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  woman who I feel like it's finally comfortable just being
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  exactly who she is. And I wanted to share 5 things
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  that honestly I feel like changed my life.
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  Not because I have all the answers, because girl, you know
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  I don't. I am definitely not an expert,
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  but maybe one of these will help someone listening.
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  So here we go #1 I feel like this one could be kind of hard
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  but stop caring so much what other people think.
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  I know it's been said so many times, I get it.
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  But I feel like if you really think about it, how much of your
• 6:01
  life are you living for other people?
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  I so worry constantly about this, especially as a girl with
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  anxiety. I would just think like am I too
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  loud? Am I too much?
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  Am I too opinionated? Do I have too many tattoos?
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  Like I used to overthink so much.
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  I used to be like am I too outgoing?
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  And now I can honestly say I just don't care.
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  Yes, I am loud, I am outgoing. I laugh way too hard.
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  It's almost embarrassing. I talk with my hands now.
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  I'm going to like think about that whole episode.
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  But you know, I just. I feel like I I wear what I
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  want. I love my tattoos.
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  I just say now what's on my mind and if someone doesn't like me,
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  I feel like that's OK. I don't expect everyone to.
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  I am literally just being myself.
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  And The funny thing is, I feel like once you stop trying to be
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  liked by everyone and so many people, you actually become such
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  a happier person. You find your people.
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  The right people, I promise will stay.
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  The wrong people will leave. And it is a blessing.
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  When I first started this podcast, I was like, girl, who's
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  even going to listen to this podcast?
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  I was like, just in my head, I was just, am I going to say too
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  much? Am I going to say not enough?
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  Am I going to run out of things to say?
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  Are people going to like me? Something?
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  I don't know. Just somewhere along the way, I
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  realized if I wasn't me, I feel like this just wouldn't work.
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  Virtue find something that is just yours Look look look before
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  you come from me. I love being Axels mom.
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  It is the greatest thing I've ever done.
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  But I feel like I never wanted motherhood to be the one thing
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  that defined me. I am so much more than a mom.
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  I'm so much more than a wife for me, that thing, I guess in a way
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  just like my thing became fitness.
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  And before you roll your eyes and you're like, girl, you don't
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  look like a fitness girly. Hear me out.
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  Fitness I feel like isn't about having ABS or looking a certain
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  way because trust me, I do not have ABS.
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  I am not that delulu. I have loose skin, you know,
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  from carrying my son and just losing a lot of weight.
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  And I'm still just learning to accept that.
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  But to me, fitness is just not about looking perfect, it's
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  about proving to yourself that you can do something, something
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  that's really hard and out of your comfort zone.
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  When I started showing up for myself everyday, whether it was
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  a workout, a healthier meal, or simply just going on a walk, I
• 8:49
  feel like I started trusting myself again.
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  Then Randy and I decided to build our garage gym.
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  And if you've been following, you know that it's my dream gym.
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  But yeah, you know, we thought it would take like a weekend,
• 9:01
  but we were wrong. It actually ended up taking
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  months. We had heat waves, we had no
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  babysitter. We had project after project.
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  But I feel like looking back now, it became one of my
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  favorite moments because we built something together and now
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  I actually get excited to work out.
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  Younger Lex would have looked at me and been like girl who argue
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  or this. If someone asked me like what my
• 9:28
  hobbies were, I'd probably say drinking with my friends and
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  listen, I don't judge anybody. That was a huge part of my life.
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  I was a social butterfly. I just feel like it's not me
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  anymore. Now I get excited about trying
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  healthy recipes, going to Pilates or seeing if I can lift
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  a little heavier today. Not because I want to be like
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  the skinny person. I mean, that would be nice.
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  But you know, I want to be strong.
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  I want to be healthy. I want to be here and present
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  for a long time with my family. And I feel like to me, fitness
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  is just that. But fitness might not be your
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  thing. Maybe it's joining a book club,
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  maybe it's crocheting, maybe it's painting.
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  Gosh, I wish I was that talented.
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  Maybe it's running, which will never be my thing, I don't know.
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  But find something that's yours. Something that just reminds you
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  that who you were before being someone's mom or someone's wife,
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  you were you and I feel like you still deserve that.
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  Or three. OK, so this is a good one.
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  Protect your peace. I feel like this one took me
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  probably the longest time to learn and honestly I'm still
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  learning. It's you know, I'm always a work
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  in progress. When I was younger I literally
• 10:48
  thought everyone was my friend. My friend actually jokes about
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  it like you have a million best friends.
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  But now I can probably count my closest friends on one hand,
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  which it was a lot before, trust me.
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  And honestly, I kind of prefer it that way.
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  You know, a real friend celebrates your wins.
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  They check in, they show up. And no, we don't have to talk
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  every day or every month. My best friendships are the ones
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  where we can go months without talking or picking up the phone.
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  And just like we pick up right where we left off, it just feels
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  like no time has passed. But feel like, here's something
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  I've learned and everyone is going to clap when you start
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  becoming the person you've always wanted to be.
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  And I know that doesn't automatically, I feel like make
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  them a bad person. Sometimes people are just more
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  comfortable with, I guess the version of you that they met,
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  the version that didn't have boundaries, the version that
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  always said yes, the version that played small.
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  But you're allowed to change. You're allowed to outgrow
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  people, you're allowed to become someone they don't recognize
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  anymore because the people who truly love you will make room
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  for your growth, and the ones who don't, maybe they were only
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  meant to be a part of 1 chapter of your story, but not the whole
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  book. I've also learned that just
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  because someone is family doesn't automatically mean that
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  they deserve unlimited access to you.
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  I know that might sound harsh for someone to hear, but I feel
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  like protecting your peace isn't selfish, it's actually healthy
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  and love people and still have boundaries.
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  Those two things can actually exist together.
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  I know, crazy #4 get comfortable being uncomfortable.
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  This one I feel like changed everything.
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  Every opportunity I've had has started off with me being
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  terrified, Starting this podcast, starting my blog,
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  putting myself online. And let me tell you, the
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  Internet can be brutal sometimes.
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  Reaching out to guests I've never met.
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  Just building a community that I'm really proud of.
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  Half the time I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.
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  I'm literally learning as I go. But I'd rather try than spend my
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  whole life just wondering. Like, what if growth is not
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  comfortable? It's actually really
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  uncomfortable. If you're uncomfortable now,
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  you're probably growing. And I think so many of us just
• 13:21
  stay stuck because we're waiting until we feel ready.
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  And I have a spoiler alert, you're never going to feel
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  completely ready. Just start over, figure it out
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  later. Because the worst thing I feel
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  like that can actually happen is it just doesn't work out.
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  And then you can be like, cool, at least I tried.
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  But the best thing that can happen is it can actually change
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  your life #5 And I promise, I'm almost done.
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  This one is accept yourself. This one, I don't know, it might
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  be pretty hard for certain people.
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  There are things I'd love to change about myself.
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  Obviously, I'm sensitive, I'm emotional.
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  Sometimes I can hold grudges. I'm an open book.
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  I probably overshare. But then I started thinking like
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  those things also make me who I am.
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  Being emotional makes me empathetic.
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  Being open helps people I feel like relate to me.
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  Being sensitive means I care. So instead of constantly trying
• 14:28
  to fix myself, I started just appreciating myself.
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  I am nowhere near perfect. I promise you I never will be so
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  you'll never hear me say that. But I actually like the woman
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  I'm becoming. I don't think I could have said
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  that a few years ago. I feel like there was a point
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  was part where I didn't even honestly recognize myself in the
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  mirror. Not because of my body, but
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  because of who I had become mentally.
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  I feel like I wasn't living, I was just really surviving.
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  Today I can honestly say I am living again and I don't think
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  getting my old life back was ever really the goal.
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  I feel like becoming someone I'm proud of was one thing I learned
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  over this last year is motherhood didn't create me.
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  And it sure as hell is not going to define me.
• 15:23
  It introduced me to myself. It forced me to slow down.
• 15:27
  It forced me to ask myself who I wanted to be.
• 15:30
  Not just for Axel, but really for me.
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  Because before I can raise a confident little boy, I have to
• 15:37
  be a confident woman. Feel like our kids don't become
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  what we tell them to become. They become what they see.
• 15:45
  I want to grow up and just seeing a mom who goes after her
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  dreams, goes after what she wants.
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  Someone who takes care of them self, Someone who laughs too
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  hard, someone who isn't afraid to start over because I have
• 16:00
  done it so many times. I hope that's kind of what this
• 16:04
  podcast becomes. To a place where women can come
• 16:09
  as they are. No filters, no pretending, no
• 16:13
  perfect Instagram, Pinterest life, even though we would all
• 16:16
  love it. Just honest, real conversations,
• 16:20
  real stories, real woman. Because here's the truth.
• 16:24
  Every single woman has a story worth telling.
• 16:28
  Some of the women joining me this season are moms.
• 16:31
  Some are not. Some are business owners,
• 16:36
  entrepreneurs. Some have overcome things that
• 16:38
  will probably blow your mind. Some are still in the middle of
• 16:42
  figuring it out. And that's OK too.
• 16:45
  I am my hope is that every single episode, I feel like
• 16:49
  leaves you feeling a little less lonely, a little more inspired,
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  a little more confident to be exactly who you are without
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  fear. If you've been here since season
• 17:02
  1, thank you so much for growing with me.
• 17:05
  Thank you for giving me this space to grow and talk and just
• 17:08
  gap. And thank you for letting this
• 17:10
  podcast evolve. It might not be everybody's cup
• 17:13
  of tea, and that's totally fine. And thank you for coming back to
• 17:17
  season 2. That's my biggest thank you.
• 17:20
  I have a feeling this is going to be our best season yet.
• 17:24
  I know everyone says the same thing, but I really do.
• 17:27
  I'm so excited for once to come. Until next Thursday, remember,
• 17:32
  please don't be afraid to take up space.
• 17:36
  Laugh too hard. Just wear that outfit.
• 17:38
  Book the trip, just try something new, try something
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  scary and never apologize for becoming feel like the woman
• 17:46
  you're meant to be. I will see you guys next week.
• 17:49
  Same time, same place. I miss saying that too.
• 17:53
  I missed you guys. Have a good week.
• 17:55
  Bye.